Country Living in LOS

[Dodger]

During my last holiday I spent nearly 2 ┬╜ months living in a farming village in Isaan, and now see this as a possible alternative to living in places like The Extreme City or the Big Mango when I retire.

Having the advantage of really enjoying country life is the key motivator here. Those who donтАЩt would not even want to consider this.

During my time there, I met three farangs who meet daily at the one-and-only coffee shop in the town of Kantharalak , all of whom live in the country surrounding Kantharalak on a full-time basis. One guy is still working as an English teacher at one of the local schools, and the other two are retired. All three are str8 and living with Thai girls whom they met during their earlier travels to LOS.

A few things these gentlemen all seemed to share in common included the fact that they enjoyed country living, emphasizing the health factors, e.g., low stress environment, healthy organic food diets, clean air, warm and friendly people, and last but not least, the fact that living there was almost free. Almost free meaning, each of them have homes which they had built, girl friends who did all the cooking with ingredients which were either tugged from the garden or purchased from the local market for dirt cheap prices, and needed no more than motorbikes to get them around.

After listening to these guys, I found myself comparing their lifestyles to those whom I have met who survive on low fixed incomes when they retire, in places like Pattaya or Bangkok. Many of these guys are forced to live in small (sometimes flea-bitten) hotel rooms and walk around the food stores looking for dented cans on sale just to be able to maintain their tight budgets. Many of the guys I know in these circumstances also use their extra cash for offing boys тАУ which of course is their primary purpose for living in places like this. So, having said that, I guess another key prerequisite to living in the country would be having a steady boy in tow.

One of the three farangs seemed content to never leave the country as he is a degreed Horticulturist and enjoys spending all of his time in the garden with his wife. The other two balanced their time in the country with routine trips to other places, e.g., Chiang Mai, Bangkok, Phuket, etc. These are the guys I listened to the most, as even though I love the country aspects, I would want (need) to get away to the big cities routinely myself if living there.

As I mentioned in my last trip report, you can build a nice smaller home in Isaan for about 200,000 bt, and a large (two story) home for about 300,000 bt excluding the land.

It is not possible for a farang to purchase land or a home in LOS, which of course, like everything else here in LOS, must be in a Thais name. I opted to re-build my BFтАЩs parents home, which includes a second level for he and I to reside, versus purchasing a home of our own for the time being, as I need more time to determine if our relationship is going to last before going on the hook for another home (in his name). As crass as this may sound, the money IтАЩve been saving by living with him and his family in the country versus roosting in Pattaya and living on the party scene - has offset the money I spent building his family a house. I was literally able to build this home for them with the money I saved from a few past holiday budgets. There are many homes speckling the Isaan country-side which were purchased by farangs for their Thai lovers тАУ with no sign of the farang in sight if you get my drift.

If you have a place to live thatтАЩs paid for, you can live a quality life in the country for less than 10,000 baht per month, not including the money you would be spending on those monthly trips to the big city. There are more boys running around in the country than you could shake a stick at, and frankly, I see this number increasing over-time as the sex scene in LOS dissolves and the boys are forced to return to the farm fieldsтАжjust a thought.

The boys in the country donтАЩt ever approach a farang in the same manner as they do on the working scene. I think that fact should be obvious to most, although IтАЩve heard many comments by farangs to the contrary in the past. They are almost always a little shy and reserved, although very eager to meet you and get to know you better.

I met a country boy like this once in the town of Phrae (north-central LOS) during the towns Songkran celebration, who was, to say the least, a very hot number. He almost insisted on being my guide as I splish-splashed along the sois with a camcorder in one hand and a Singha in the other. The day ended with the two of us back at my hotel room showering together, followed by a toss in the hay that IтАЩll never forget. I turned down the offer to meet with him again, as I think he was a bit youngтАжIтАЩll blame my decision to invite him back to my loom on the Singha and hot afternoon sun. I handed the boy 500 baht and referred to this as just a little beer money. He was more than elated.

My retirement is still a long way up the road, and my plans are always in a constant state of flux, so IтАЩm not really sure what the outcome will be, but IтАЩm glad to have found country life as just one more option.

If your thing is golfing, shopping in big stores and going to nightly cabarets, the country would not be for you тАУ even on a part-time basis, but if you could see yourself fishing in the day time and sitting under the stars with your BF on those quiet evenings, you just may want to give it a try.

Sounds great, except for the part about spending every afternoon in a bar moaning with a bunch of other farangs.

Very interesting post. As you are not retired yet I suppose you supporting the boy (and his family) when you not stay there? How much will that be for things like electricity, water etc and for living expenditure?

[bao-bao]

If your thing is golfing, shopping in big stores and going to nightly cabarets, the country would not be for you тАУ even on a part-time basis, but if you could see yourself fishing in the day time and sitting under the stars with your BF on those quiet evenings, you just may want to give it a try.

That was another great post, Dodger тАУ thank you. I think your last paragraph is really the crux of the matter, but thereтАЩs a bit more to it than that.

The idea of some day retiring to the slower lifestyle of the countryside there intrigues me, but when IтАЩm actually there and away from what many of us have rightly or wrongly come to feel are тАЬnecessary comfortsтАЭ I realize IтАЩd have to make some major changes in not only my way of looking at things (read: adopting more of the mai pen rai attitude) but more importantly my expectations of living conditions and comfort.

For example, being raised and living in a place where consistent running water and electricity arenтАЩt given any thought save for the odd storm-related brief outages IтАЩd have to make more than a minor effort to adjust to what we falang would say was more akin to camping out. I suspect that after a couple of days next door to the paddies IтАЩd look like most of the participants on тАЬSurvivorтАЭ after a few weeks in the jungle, able to play dot-to-dot with hundreds of bug bites. The last time I proposed visiting my friendтАЩs home out in the country he said тАЬtoo many mokeeto for you!!тАЭ Obviously IтАЩm making a gross exaggeration here about a specific way of living and (again) obviously there are dwellings of all types, but I think you get what IтАЩm talking about.

The tranquility of being out in the country with someone I was happy to be with day and night (which is what a real relationship is for most people, as an FYI to the butterflies) sounds quite appealing, though. IтАЩve long said as long as I had access to books, some way to keep up with my work other than longhand on paper and some internet access that I could live most anywhere with my significant other, and that would include a spot in Issan, I suspect.

You seem to be more accommodating and willing to roll with the punches than many and I would imagine you could be quite comfortable with your plans. I envy your dedication to trying and hope it works out well if you make the quantum leap and try making a go of it.

Either way, IтАЩm always happy to read your posts! Thanks for sharing the time to write and post them.

Sounds great, except for the part about spending every afternoon in a bar moaning with a bunch of other farangs.

Ditto - with that as the highlight of the day the only good thing would be that the nearest hospital would be so far away that, after finally getting there in the back of a drunken neighbour's rusty pick-up truck after I had slashed my wrists when I realised that this was all I had to look forward to, they would be too late and too incompetent to stop my permanent departure.

When I have stayed with my partner in his village the best thing about it by far was that there were no farangs there to spoil the experience.

I envy those that can adapt to rural life. The food situation would be my downfall as I just cannot eat the thai food. At home I do not eat fast food butwhen in thailand I am daily at one of the fast food outlet for either dinner or lunch. Breakast I am a tea and toast person so i could get by with that. Also those squat toliet s would have to go and a hot shower would haveto be added. Then you will find a very nice house but you step in and there is no furniture and you sit on the floor. The pro for me is I am an outdoor person and love the animals. About the most remote I can think of would be Chiang Mai's outer ring.

[Captain Swing]

I've spent a few days in BF's village on several occasions and admit that sort of life has definite attractions--in some ways it's like small-town America of 40 or 50 years ago--Mayberry with motorbikes. However, I think an absolute prerequisite to a long-term residence there (besides an adequate outside income) would be fluency in Thai. Everybody has always been very friendly to me, but almost nobody speaks any English. ( I'm not saying they should.) Communicating with smiles and nods and"Sawatdee khrap" gets old pretty quickly. I could only really speak with BF and maybe one or two of his friends. If I were ever to even consider staying in the country for an extended period of time, I'd have to learn to speak Thai first.

[joe552]

Once again an interesting post, Dodger, thanks. I once lived in rural Ireland for a year - not as basic as rural Isaan - and enjoyed it for the time I was there, but found the isolation difficult to handle. Captain Swing makes a good point too about the necessity of speaking the language. I could do a few days, but guess I'm just a city boy at heart.

Thanks again, your insights are always interesting to read.

[Hmmm]

I must admit that I do love big cities, but any notion of an idyllic country sojourn is generally dislodged within a few hours of arrival in my bf's village by significant boredom.

Once the general excitement of our arrival has worn off in the family compound, everything reverts to what appears to be the day-to-day humdrum of country life. Lots of sitting around, talking, talking, talking, punctuated by cooking, then back to talking, then a few hours of TV at the end of the day. No one speaks English except my bf, and I don't speak Thai well enough, or any Isaan. I've seen what there is to see and do in and around the village, and the nearest 'bright lights' (Khon Kaen) are an hour or more away.

I enjoy seeing the bf in his natural environment and interacting with his family. But his parents in particular are very shy and have said about two words to me in half a dozen or more visits. His aunties are much more talkative ... in Thai. But we are all fluent in hand signals !

The food is not really a problem for me. Several dishes are usually cooked for the clan, I suspect generally including one that is 'dumbed down' for me. My bf generally helps his mother with the cooking or does it himself. But basically I eat what everyone else eats, minus some of the spicy sauces. It's fairly simple stuff - chopped chicken or pork (my bf doesn't eat beef), a few vegetables, maybe a whole fish, and of course rice. And invariably delicious.

Of course there is a different mindset between just visiting for a few days as I do (incl staying with the bf in the local hotel), and knowing you'll be there for weeks, as Dodger was. I don't necessarily come prepared to keep myself entertained. So I'm wondering what you did Dodger to amuse yourself for 2 1/2 months ?

[TrongpaiExpat]

I've spent a few days in BF's village on several occasions and admit that sort of life has definite attractions--in some ways it's like small-town America of 40 or 50 years ago--Mayberry with motorbikes.

Mayberry?
I though of something more like this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k2WlYgDe1Vs

And, after heavy consumption of the local made Lao rice whiskey you'll start talking to the barn animals and they might talk back.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y_PZPpWTRTU&feature=related

[Dodger]

GoneFishing Wrote:


Ditto - with that as the highlight of the day the only good thing would be that the nearest hospital would be so far away that, after finally getting there in the back of a drunken neighbour's rusty pick-up truck

GF...I found myself chuckling after reading this, as I just recently asked Tape where the nearest hospital was, and he replyed Ubon Ratchathani, which is a 2 hour ride from his village. I then glanced over at his fathers rusty pick-up truck and had to take a deep breath. Now I know why the old-timers all have small patches of opium growing in their gardens...555

[Smiles]

Good for you Dodger, but I'm afraid if I mentioned this possibility to Suphot (i.e. moving to up-country) the divorce papers would be spread out before me in seconds.
He loves his family (naturally), but it's one of his goals ~ of many ~ to get out of the country and into any area which gives him at least the potential opportunity of 'getting ahead'. Sliding back into a rice paddy does not coexist well with The Dream. And I agree. :blackeye:

Lucky me/us that Prasart now has a gleaming new hotel (600 baht for a huge room, breakfast included and a pool) which he is happy to shack up in while we are there together. When he's there by himself (as he is this New Years on a taxi run ... me alone) he sleeps at Pa's small house. OK for 3 or 4 nights, but showering from a cold water jar has lost it'a allure now that I'm transformed him into a real city slicker (which actually lay buried underneath anyhow).


http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v18/sawatdeephotos/Personal/agothic.jpg

Cheers ...

GF...I found myself chuckling after reading this ....

Well, Dodger, I am glad that I can still make you raise a grin after our recent "misunderstanding" (let's leave it at that). My own thoughts on living in the country are possibly a bit more pragmatic than some and, so far at least, I have gone for the "Fattman solution".

Although city living is comparatively expensive anywhere, comparing like for like it is little cheaper overall for farangs to live in the Thai countryside and small villages than near major cities (suburbia?). It tends to cost less because those doing so accept a different standard and style of living, accepting limitations that would, generally, not be acceptable to the majority of farangs in the cities. Some things are cheaper, some are more expensive, while others are either considerably more expensive or totally unavailable. I currently live about 20 minutes outside Pattaya which, I believe, gives me the best of both worlds although I may move to the countryside if the urban sprawl encroaches too closely.

Housing. The costs of labour and materials, comparing like for like, vary little overall depending on the area - some will be more, depending mainly on transport costs, and some will be less. A house costing 300,000 baht to build in Issan would cost 300,000 baht to build in Pattaya, as would one costing several million. The reason houses generally cost more in the towns and less in the country is simply down to the quality of the build - in Issan exposed electric cables, switches, water pipes, etc, are the norm, with "grey" waste water often going untreated onto the neighbouring field (or garden), roofs are usually uninsulated and made of large gypsum panels, etc; in the towns aesthetics, safety and building standards generally take a higher priority. A friend of ours built a reasonable beauty salon and living quarters here by the main road on the edge of the town, on 400 sqm of land which she rents for 20,000 baht a year, for 80,000 baht. My neighbour sold me some additional land (2,000 sqm) adjacent to my own for 500,000 baht and built a nice "farang style" house with the money.

Land. As with most places, the further you go outside the towns the less land costs. Once you are outside the main urban areas, however, land costs drop dramatically. I bought an additional 400sqm of land, which is larger than most housing plots in the estates farangs tend to live in, to extend my garden for 100,000 baht and land is still available in the area at similar prices (between one twentieth and one fiftieth that of land in nearby Pattaya).

Food. It is perfectly possible to "live off the land" virtually anywhere, if necessary. I have eaten everything, for a number of months, from bat to rat, porcupine to python and monitor lizard to millionaires' salad, not through choice but through necessity as there was nothing else available (except for the millionaires' salad, which is a pleasant but bland Issan side dish) - none taste like chicken and, fortunately, I no longer need to. Basic foods such as rice and bamboo are certainly cheaper in Issan, but most farangs retiring here would look forward to something a little more varied and recognisable; supplementing a survival diet with locally caught frogs and reptiles, fish, birds, wild cats and mushrooms is not my idea of a romantic meal. The only recognisable food available for purchase in my partner's home village was eggs - anything more required a trip to the market in the nearest town some 40 minutes drive away for basics or to a larger market another 20 minutes away for food which would compare with that available in local markets here (around Pattaya) or at local Thai restaurants here at 30 baht or so per dish. Most locals around me even this near to Pattaya have 1 or 2 buffalo or a few chickens and grow some herbs, spinach, peppers, etc (as we do); some farm sweet potato or corn (now not worth growing), and some collect wild spinach from the hedgerows and fish from the stream that runs behind our house. Even on our land our coconuts are collected every couple of months, earning around a thousand baht a time.

Eating cheaply is possible and easy anywhere in Thailand, but the idea of impoverished farangs going to "walk around the food stores looking for dented cans on sale just to be able to maintain their tight budgets" may be the norm in the West, Dodger, but the only canned goods in cheap and common use in Thailand are sardines and condensed milk!

Transport. Generally speaking, the further you go away from the city the less public transport is available and the more of a priority personal transport becomes, not only for shopping and social visits but in the event of an emergency. While it may seem perfectly acceptable to get by with an uninsured, unlicensed motorbike that "has character" when on holiday and the sun is shining, the reality of getting to the hospital in an emergency when it is rainy season and the first 10 kms of your 80 km + drive to the nearest doctor are down an ungraded laterite track is totally different.

Medical Treatment. While the larger villages and all towns have a clinic, they are only able to give emergency treatment (at best). Only the major cities have hospitals. While this may not be a priority when young and able bodied, it becomes more important with time and many "home towns" in Issan are an hour and a half or more away from a decent hospital. I am far from being a geriatric, but being within 30 minutes of BPH or Queen Sirikit, Sattahip, or 15 minutes of the hospital at Wat Yang in the event of a snake bite, is simply one less thing to worry about (last year we had about a dozen smallish pythons, half a dozen pit vipers and a 2 metre spitting cobra in the garden which are mainly my responsibility to deal with!). For those with the usual farang problems of high cholesterol, arthritis, etc, it is also convenient to be near pharmacies which are able to supply modern approved drugs rather than some ground up tree bark and dried roots.

TV/Internet. Even as near to Pattaya as I am, cable TV has only recently become available - if I were to use it instead of True (satellite) I would pay just under 300 baht per month instead of just under 3,000 for True, but I prefer to pay more for better quality and variety. In the countryside I would not have that option and it would mean paying for True, or nothing . The large "free view" satellite dishes installed in a growing number of houses in Issan are hardly an alternative, as they are little more than status symbols - although you can watch most of the Thai government channels, as well as a large selection of Chinese and Hindi channels and countless Bollywood movies, the only channel in English we could ever get was the "God" channel and there is only so much TV evangelism I can take. There are no broadband connections available even as close to Pattaya as I am; my landline gave me a connection speed of 9.6 kbps (nine point six kilobytes!), as long as no-one steals the telephone cable along the main road (which happens every 3 months or so), so I use a mobile (Edge) connection which gives me an indicated 460 kbps (in reality around 50 kbps). In my partner's home village the nearest land line is about 20 kms away and up until a few months ago it was only possible to get a mobile phone signal in one particular location; a new DTAC mast has now been erected, giving very good coverage and providing an alternative to paying 2,000 baht + per month for your own internet satellite dish.

Peace and Quiet. If you are after peace and quiet 24 hours a day, live in the country, rather than in a country village. Every death and marriage will be an unavoidable part of normal life, as will any form of merit making. More to the point, in most rural villages the village PA/tannoy system will wake you on a daily basis at anything between 4 and 6 am, except on holy days. If you are used to living in the Middle East beside the mosque (as I was for a couple of years) this will be no problem; if not, you will soon get used to it (or move). Even in some villages near Pattaya (fortunately not mine) the PA system still blasts out from 6 to 6.30 every day.

Farang Company. Of the many farangs I know in and around Pattaya I can count those who have been to my house and those who know where I live on the fingers of one hand, and those who I would like to spend the evening with in single figures. I make no secret of being anything but a social animal, however if my available choice of farang company were limited to the two or three probably living in the area then the possibility of my wishing to have anything to do with them under normal circumstances would be minimal, at best. Others may have a different view and be prepared to put up with anything just for the chance to talk with a "fellow farang", preferably through an alcoholic haze, but I prefer to at least have an element of choice.

Thai Company. Unless you are already in a settled, long-term relationship based on trust and love rather than lust alone the chances of either finding a partner or your relationship being strong enough to pass the test of time are, in my view, slim. It is possible to find casual sex anywhere, however one thing that most of those visiting or staying in an Issan village will be struck by, apart from around Songkran and New Year, is a shortage of able-bodied men (and, to a slightly lesser extent, women) between 16 and 35-40 years old. There is insufficient work to keep them "at home" or to enable them to get by as subsistence farmers, so many leave to work in the cities on a long term basis or, if they have the initial investment, on a "week-on, week-off" basis selling lottery tickets. If you and your potential partner do not have genuine interests in common (apart from sex), whatever they may be, you will be looking forward to a very lonely existence indeed.


I am very fortunate - I am deeply in love with my Thai partner of several years, trust him totally, have many interests in common, we enjoy spending time together and spend pretty well 24 hours a day, 7 days a week in each others' (or our own) company. I have never felt the need for the company of my peers, particularly of my own nationality, so their absence would not (and does not!) create a problem. It is convenient for us to live near Pattaya and to have the various facilities that Pattaya has to offer available, even if neither of us use them - in the last four years I have spent less than 1,000 baht in Pattaya's bars in total, and I would be quite happy to have spent a similar amount on medical treatment (or vet's fees, which far outweigh our own medical expenses). It is not so much that I want to use them, but that I prefer to have the choice.

If the cost of living is the major factor in anyone's choice of whether to live in a rural Issan village or in the "big city", then I think they should seriously look at whether they should be here at all.

[aussie_]

Thanks for your excellent country reports Dodger. I have just returned from a week with my bf and his family in their village near Korat. Country living can be inexpensive but I was wondering if you or anyone else experienced with staying with a Thai family can give me advise about the following - whenever we go out to a disco, meal or trip I don't have much say about who is going and this may mean I am paying for up to twelve and sometimes many more people for an outing which can cost a lot of baht. I am not tight with my money but i am not rich either, fully realising the villagers are poor and I love to take them out. after a few visits I just feel a bit like the walking ATM sometimes but in all other respects they treat me well and I love spending time with everyone in the village. I have told the bf that I don't want to take out half the village everytime we have an outing but to no avail - any advise is welcome or if you think I am being a tight arse with my money that is fair enough.

[Dodger]

I guess a lot relies on three very basic facts: 1) Does the person actually like the country, 2) Does the person know how to adapt to country living, and 3) Does the person actually know how to LIVE at all.

I met one farang during my last stay in Isaan who has lived in this remore region for over 7 years and still complaints about not being able to get a good western-style breakfast. I just scrached my head, as I had just finished eating my breakfast which consisted of a ham & cheese omelet, rash of bacon, grilled hash browns with onions and green pepars, toast, orange juice and a cup of primo Belgium coffee. Rookie as I am at all of this, I just continued listening to this veteran country dweller as he went on the complain about other things, including the fact that he was bored most of the time. After enduring this guys depressing tales of woe, Tape and I collapsed our fishing poles so they would fit neatly in our backpacks and politely said our goodbyes.

I've winessed this same human phenomenom in the Big City as well, when you come across a group of lonely looking farangs drooped around their bar stools complaining about evreything around them, completely unaware of the fact that there's actaully a world out there, and a myriad of things to do and experience, all within arms reach, although they seem content to just sit around and whallow in their own misery.. Go figure !

If you move to the country, you'll find that living is much less than half the cost of places like PTY, BKK, Phuket, etc., but don't move for that reason. If you're miserable in the Big City, you'll just carry your misery to the country.

mai pen rai

One of the things I hate about visiting relatives in small villages are those darn loudspeakers :king:

Fortunately, Fatts, although I endure it on some mornings it is entirely voluntarily as I can alter my early morning bicycle route to avoid it!

Aussie, you have two options:
1. Be blunt and tell him that the hangers-on (presumably his family/friends) are a bunch of spongers and not welcome.
2. Be subtle (lie) and tell him that you want to go out for a romantic meal/trip/evening with him by yourselves and that you will take the spongers another time.

Dodger, I agree that some (many!) can be miserable anywhere. Paris, for example, was one of my favourite cities (three decades ago), but when I lived in St Jean de Luz the view was that living in any city "c'est pas vivre, c'est survivre".

[aussie_]

Aussie, you have two options:
1. Be blunt and tell him that the hangers-on (presumably his family/friends) are a bunch of spongers and not welcome.
2. Be subtle (lie) and tell him that you want to go out for a romantic meal/trip/evening with him by yourselves and that you will take the spongers another time.

I told the bf I would take the family out on Chrismas day for a meal and to keep it to the direct family and I was happy when only three extras went along for the trip saving me 3500 baht on the last venture out with the family. The next week we went to the disco in Korat and I found 14 loaded into the truck, four of them spongers that I did not know. The driver drinks whiskey all night and then charges me 500 baht for fuel money for the trip.

I guess communication is important and I have to check exactly who will be going on any outings until the bf gets it into his head to keep the numbers down. I would rather spend the money wasted on the free loaders on my bf and his family or improvements to the house. We have been together over a year and everything in our relationship is a work in progress. I think it is a novelty having a farang in this village and the family have been trying to impress their friends and relatives by taking them out with us. I sometimes get the feeling they think all farangs have unlimited wealth.

My education and theres will continue.

[Dodger]

Aussie Wrote:


I have told the bf that I don't want to take out half the village everytime we have an outing but to no avail[quote:dv30uftw][/quote:dv30uftw]

Aussie, I think you have already received some good advice, especially the recommendation that you be blunt when dealing with these matters, although I have another thought on this.

We all know that hosting mobs of friends and family members when visting these villages is parr for the course, although, I see it as the boys responsibility to manage this process. I've hosted many outings with Tapes friends andf family members, although, I can't say that I've been in the same position where more people come along on these outings than we had originally planned. My BF is very considerate when it comes to this, and frankly, I would be disappointed in him if he wasn't, as these things can get pretty costly.

You made the comment that you express your feelings on this to your bf but to no avail. If it were me, I would have a serious talk with him about this as a last resort. Meaning, if he continued to do this I would find another boy and another village.

mai pen rai

I would rather spend the money wasted on the free loaders on my bf and his family or improvements to the house.

Have you told him that?

If so and you don't want to end it just yet, the next time it happens just laugh about it but make sure he and his parents understand 100% when you say "Oh well, there goes the fridge we were going to get tomorrow" and that when you ask his parents if they enjoyed the night you ask (with a smile) "Better than the fridge?". If you stick to it, they will get the message pretty soon (and make sure that he does).

If you move to the country, you'll find that living is much less than half the cost of places like PTY, BKK, Phuket, etc., but don't move for that reason. If you're miserable in the Big City, you'll just carry your misery to the country.

:scratch:
Actually, if someone's going to be miserable in either place, then it would make more sense for him to choose the cheaper!

That is, unless he likes to be miserable, and paying more to live and be miserable makes him even more miserable, which in turn makes him happier...oh, never mind. :geek:

[lonelywombat]

I guess a lot relies on three very basic facts: 1) Does the person actually like the country, 2) Does the person know how to adapt to country living, and 3) Does the person actually know how to LIVE at all.


I've winessed this same human phenomenom in the Big City as well, when you come across a group of lonely looking farangs drooped around their bar stools complaining about evreything around them, completely unaware of the fact that there's actaully a world out there, and a myriad of things to do and experience, all within arms reach, although they seem content to just sit around and whallow in their own misery.. Go figure !

If you move to the country, you'll find that living is much less than half the cost of places like PTY, BKK, Phuket, etc., but don't move for that reason. If you're miserable in the Big City, you'll just carry your misery to the country.

mai pen rai

I have been shocked at the number of expats who complain about their "lonely or boring" life in Pattaya it made me rethink my retiring there. I cannot imagine anything more mind destroying that to go to the beach at the same time everyday, sit in the same deckchair,talk with the same bored old queens that replicate myself. Leave at the same time, go to the Corner bar for drinks with the same crew, dinner at White Knight because you cannot afford anywhere else and then sit and nurse a beer for several hours in a beer bar in Sunee,[ in some cases by themself]

One in particular had a hissy fit when someone sat in "his" deckchair, another got bitchy when his dinner partner wanted to try other eateries. They all claim they moved to LOS by choice and are happy. They get jealous if someone gets a new boy. I get depressed when I meet them and now tend to avoid expats and concentrate on enjoying myself by myself.

I told the bf I would take the family out on Chrismas day for a meal and to keep it to the direct family and I was happy when only three extras went along for the trip saving me 3500 baht on the last venture out with the family. The next week we went to the disco in Korat and I found 14 loaded into the truck, four of them spongers that I did not know. The driver drinks whiskey all night and then charges me 500 baht for fuel money for the trip.


Paying for 14 people to go out is just taking the mick.
Don't know why you put up with it.

[aussie_]

Paying for 14 people to go out is just taking the mick.
Don't know why you put up with it.

I will be having the big chat with the bf that Dodger suggested in his reply and also heed the advise of Gone Fishing to explain to the family how the wasted money could be better directed towards household improvements.

When I first visited Thailand I was told never to fall in love with a Thai boy and just to have sex and forget them. The experience of living in a Thai villlage and everything it involves is something that many visitors to this country could only dream about and I never regret falling for this sweet guy and the times that I have spent with his family.

But I will definitely follow your helpful advise and I appreciate your replies and will let you know the outcome as I think this topic is very relevant to those staying with their bf and family in Thailand.

When I first visited Thailand I was told never to fall in love with a Thai boy and just to have sex and forget them. The experience of living in a Thai villlage and everything it involves is something that many visitors to this country could only dream about and I never regret falling for this sweet guy and the times that I have spent with his family.

Whatever you do, don't forget that everybody is different and that what works for one of us may not work or may even be mind-numbingly stupid with/for someone else. I have a Thai partner who I am totally in love with and with whom I share everything - from my feelings to my house and my money. Everything we own is held jointly and either of us could walk away tomorrow with everything that, previously, he and the other owned separately (objectively he would have rather more to gain by doing so than me!). Would I recommend anyone else to do the same? No. Would I regret it if he did? Yes, but I would not regret having done it and having made it a genuine partnership rather than just a relationship.

If you are happy with your relationship (and you are the only one who can judge that) then weigh up the pros and cons before doing anything that may change it. It is fine to say that "he who pays the piper calls the tune", but it only works as long as the piper wants to play - or, to stretch it a little bit, if you care more about the tune than the piper! And if you think I am wearing rose-tinted glasses, then try reading what I have posted on Long Term Relationships (LTRs) and Long Distance Relationships (LDRs). Good luck.

[Dodger]

GoneFishing Wrote:


Everything we own is held jointly and either of us could walk away tomorrow with everything that, previously, he and the other owned separately (objectively he would have rather more to gain by doing so than me!). Would I recommend anyone else to do the same? No. Would I regret it if he did? Yes, but I would not regret having done it and having made it a genuine partnership rather than just a relationship.[quote:2llbpzsm][/quote:2llbpzsm]

I share the same feelings on this subject, although, after re-building Tapes family home, which provides them all with a better place to live, I plan to purchase a small condo near the ocean somewhere...IN MY NAME. In the event that our paths were to seperate in the future, we would both have full ownership of the pillows we'd be crying on.

I share the same feelings on this subject, although, after re-building Tapes family home, which provides them all with a better place to live, I plan to purchase a small condo near the ocean somewhere...IN MY NAME.

I hate to disagree again so soon, Dodger, and when I said I enjoyed your posts I meant it, but I really don't think we share the same feelings on the subject at all! When I said "everything we own is held jointly" I meant "everything we own is held jointly" - not he has his things and I have mine, but sometimes we share them!!

By joint, I mean we are both Company Directors of the Company which owns our house and main land (they have no property deeds of any sort in his home village, so joint/company ownership is not possible), with the right to authorise Company transactions on a single signature; similarly I have no sole bank accounts, as my accounts in Thailand, the UK and offshore are all joint accounts, again operable on a single signature/e-mail/telephone call (his or mine, and he does know the codewords!). I don't quite think that is what you had in mind (!); I quite understand those who think I am out of my mind - presumably because he is Thai, poor (not any more!) and used to be a working boy, but I can only say that it is how my parents' finances were arranged and how I like to think most partnerships/marriages are organised.

[Dodger]

GoneFishing Wrote:


I don't quite think that is what you had in mind (!); I quite understand those who think I am out of my mind - presumably because he is Thai, poor (not any more!) and used to be a working boy, but I can only say that it is how my parents' finances were arranged and how I like to think most partnerships/marriages are organised.[quote:g8zxcvy7][/quote:g8zxcvy7]

I respect the position you've taken on this, and hope that things continue to go well in your relationship.

I would like nothing more than to have a realationship where my money and material holdings could be shared jointly (legally) between Tape and I, although, and as frank as I can make this, I don't trust him enough right now to make that happen. I would also like to mirror the trust that my mother and father have in their relationship, but again, and as frank as I can make this, my father didn't marry a yaba addicted - ladyboy prostitute - from the jungles of Thailand either. I had to chuckle at that line myself, but that's the truth.

I always try to be as up-front with people as possible, especially during my communications with Tape, and he understands (and accepts) my feelings on this. I simply told him once, that when we're finished building the new home for your family, I'm going to start saving money for a little condo on the ocean. I went on to tell him the reason why, i.e., the condo will provide us with an alternative to living with the family which will become boring at times, as well as provide me with a place that's in my name in the event that our paths were to ever seperate. I don't think he was too thrilled about the "our paths seperating" part, but that's just the reality (the truth) of the situation.

I guess what I'm trying to say, is that I agree with you 100% in concept - although I'm not willing to let my guard down, at least at the present moment.

I can only say that it is how my parents' finances were arranged and how I like to think most partnerships/marriages are organised.And the divorce ... ? Who gets custody of the pot plants?

I guess what I'm trying to say, is that I agree with you 100% in concept - although I'm not willing to let my guard down, at least at the present moment.

Dodger,

I was tempted to say something trite about basing a relationship on "lust or trust", but on reflection (something I sometimes do before posting!) I would do (and actually did) exactly the same in your position.

I have been through and can empathise with what you went through - in my case I made the classic mistake of thinking I was in love and "knew better" and as a result was hurt both emotionally and financially (not beyond repair, but probably more than you) over a number of years and I would prefer to have avoided it. After a total separation for a few years and then meeting again when the various addictions and problems appeared resolved, I though that my hopes and dreams were finally fulfilled - little did I realise that I was actually in the eye of the storm.

I honestly hope for your sake, and for Tape's, that this is not the case with your relationship. Under similar circumstances, however, I acted much as you are doing and am very relieved that I did - we can all be wise with hindsight, but we can all also be incredibly stupid and blind. I would imagine that some others may have done as I have, but I would also imagine that very few will have gone quite so far and I have not personally come across anyone who has - particularly as it would be very difficult for any two partners to come from more totally diverse cultural or social backgrounds.



And the divorce ... ? Who gets custody of the pot plants?

Divorce would only apply if we were living in the UK - a UK Civil Partnership has no legal standing here. Judging by some of your posts I can only assume that "pot" plants are more of a priority for you,