Do you begin a post but change your mind?

[bucknaway]

Several times I have begun a post about my time in Thailand but did not post it. It use to be Hedda that gave me a hard time but now it is Smiles.... I don't understand why they do what they do, but sometimes you just want to enjoy the board and not have to fight about things that you should not have to fight about.

Never have I gone into a post to insult or be nasty to this guy. If he makes a post of or about his boyfriend or posts an old photo of himself, I read it, and if I donтАЩt have anything positive to add, I move onto another post.

What is the purpose in the attacks, insults and nastyness?

Could this be part of the reason many of you do not share your experiences of your time in Thailand? Not because of Smiles but because of the insults, rude and nasty comments designed to hurt you and cheapen your valued memory?

Before I worked up the courage to post on here for the first time.

I came in post H*dd* - but at the time I found the forum it seemed that Mrsydney was beating up on every post and poster and many people, myself included, were hitting the "ignore" button

Eventually I came up witha question that A) had not been asked here before and B) I could not find the answer to in books or elsewhere on the web (Re: Catholic Churches in Thailand)

Lo and behold! Who was my first respondant? Mrsydney, of course - but I got off pretty lightly since he merely asked if I was a pedophile priest! Ironically, I now look forward to Mrsydney's posts since they often give me quite a chuckle (not to mention a crash-course in slang!)

I thknk the key to surviving and thriving on a public forum is to develop a bit of a thick skin so as to not take offense and - most importantly - not to rise to the bait. Bullies only enjoy themselves if they know they are "getting to" the victim of their unwelcome attentions.

I have also noticed that there are many veterans of the board who are quick to defend attacked posters - or to confront chronic abusers.

So, keep on posting and I'll keep on reading and responding if I have something contructive (or at least amusing to myself) to add.

[elephantspike]

I thknk the key to surviving and thriving on a public forum is to develop a bit of a thick skin so as to not take offense and - most importantly - not to rise to the bait. Bullies only enjoy themselves if they know they are "getting to" the victim of their unwelcome attentions.

I think that's a good philosophical approach to posting, Clawdaddy.

Bucknaway, I can't believe you consider Smiles to be a bully. I can't speak for him, but the way I read his responses to your posts, it seems more like in the tone of someone just kind of ribbing a buddy. Just good-natured, tongue-in-cheek, well-intentioned irony. Am I wrong?

[bucknaway]

yeah, I do keep on posting but I have 86 most of them for this board. They get posted but not here and sometimes they turn into e-mails to my friends.

Most of the guys on this board are veterans from the pattaya gay message board. On that board there ware many posts of personals adventures in Thailand. The insults came and those type of posts were slowed to a trickle and than vanished.

The insults and nastiness does nothing to encourage the very purpose of the board.

Smiles is great for posting pics and providing travel information and this board is made richer by his knowledge of Thailand and wealth of photos.

[bucknaway]

If smiles and I didn't have a history then I would agree.... But it is not a good nature ribbing.

You should be wearin a skirt mate.Smiles is just muckin around with ya,thats the way old grumble bum is ,he s just muckin around ,be a good sport and take it toungue in cheek.The old bloke is not havin a go at ya,he now probaly thinks your a big sheila but i reckon.
oh poor bucknaway,spewin cause someones havin a go at ya.
ya bloody big sheila !

[Bob]

Geez, Buck, you don't have to worry about Smiles. If you're that sensitive, you only have to watch out for the 2-3 wackos and I'm pretty sure you know by now who they are.

I've written many posts that I ultimately deleted for various reasons, usually because I think I have got better things to do than argue with an idiot on a particular topic. I don't mind offering what information I have to questions asked but most of my knowledge base concerns the Chiangmai area and that doesn't come up too often here.

For whatever reason, I have elected not to post about my personal matters (for example, my relationship, travels, home visits, etc., with my Chiangmai friend of almost 5 years) and I'm really not sure why I won't do that. Sometimes I think it's because I won't be able to sufficiently provide the entire story and backdrop in an accurate manner but mainly it's because I just don't feel the need to lay all of that out on a public forum. Plus, for whatever reason, I don't think my Chiangmai friend would appreciate me doing that.

Thats terrible bucknaway, people who trash your treasured memories should be thrashed. I love peoples treasured memories especially of Thailand, I think any-one who has gone there must come away with many treasured memories that I would love to read, for me, except the time my tuktuk was hit by a truck (first and last time in a tuktuk) I have always felt enchanted being there. Some people just get disenchanted very easily just ignore them, jaded tarts that they are.

Some things are too treasured however for the world wide web, these things I keep to myself.

Dear Bucknaway,

Actually I think you may be right, I have hesitated to post on the board about things that are important to me, because some of the responses can be hurtful.

Now my posting is largely limited to responses to others topics rather than starting one of my own. Although my own story (relationship with my boyfriend and our plans for the future) may be moving on a bit next week and I did agree to post again about that because it could be helpful to others.

When rude or ignorant people respond I think the only thing to do is press the ignore button (I have only done that on one poster here) or simply not respond at all to their taunts and continue to dialogue with others who respond constructively, even if critically.

DELETED

[bucknaway]

My post is not so much for me, but for other posters out there that simply read and are interested in a topic but notice how a topic is hijacked by nasty or rude comments.

Now the thing is, I am sure I will get personal e-mails of support but they will not post it hear because they most likely will not want to get into an silly argument.

[bucknaway]

There has to be a good reason why posters are not posting personal experiences... I think the poison replies have a lot to do with them thinking twice before posting.


Dear Bucknaway,

Actually I think you may be right, I have hesitated to post on the board about things that are important to me, because some of the responses can be hurtful.

Now my posting is largely limited to responses to others topics rather than starting one of my own. Although my own story (relationship with my boyfriend and our plans for the future) may be moving on a bit next week and I did agree to post again about that because it could be helpful to others.

When rude or ignorant people respond I think the only thing to do is press the ignore button (I have only done that on one poster here) or simply not respond at all to their taunts and continue to dialogue with others who respond constructively, even if critically.

[TrongpaiExpat]

John: Yep, the photo is really him, I saw him twice on his last trip, walking about but I could not catch up with him and say hi.

Buck: Sure I have written and deleted a lot of posts. Sometime I change my mind when it's all get laid out in print, sometimes the post does not live up to the experience and others are just deleted as I am not sure that I will be getting useful/thoughtful responses.

I admire those who do not hide behind the anonymity of only a screen name. I remember one of your post in which you asked everyone who they are and where their from. It got some interesting responses. I think part of the reason your here it to make friends, share experiences and be part of a community. Many are here for other reasons.


most of my knowledge base concerns the Chiangmai area
Bob: I wish you would post some information/opinions/experiences on Chiang Mai. There are quite a few expats living in Chiang Mai but few post here compared to the Pattaya residents. We also seem to be loosing a few of the BKK residents.

I must say I have read many personal experiences posts up here. Problem is quite often they are no more than "offing" stories or sometimes touching stories about very old men and the tragic lose of their young gay for pay boy friends. These kinds of personal experiences are often open to ridicule and bitchy responses. Though I myself tend too think of them as being touching in some way.

That area where love and sex... blah blah, futility, lack of sporn to show for the effort etc etc, any-way I like reading all the posts here even the nasty ones.

Buck, I was amused at the style and charm our Smiles uses when he has a go at you (only one comes to mind of late, but I donтАЩt come here often), and that is in stark contrast to the quiet cringe of embarrassment I get reading the bullying rudeness of some others here - but if you felt cut thatтАЩs no good: gays are accepting of diversity, and thatтАЩs a hint about the impostors here.

IтАЩll never forget my horror at being viciously attacked in my original posting many many boards ago - regarding a semi-innocuous topic I thought. Since then I learned the unwritten rules of these boards: sucking up information is OK, but enter the ring and theyтАШll be calling for blood.

Things could be worse: my Bronte sisters board often gets hijacked by religious fanatics - their pages of ravings, biblical quotes and rants truly beggar belief.

[hulljake]

Bob:
I don't mind offering what information I have to questions asked but most of my knowledge base concerns the Chiangmai area and that doesn't come up too often here.

The board is what we make of it I guess. It can appear Pattaya-centric at times but that springs from its origins as pattayagay; many board regulars either live in or spend a good deal of their time in Pattaya. Personally, I've only been to Pattaya twice, and only for a few days at a time (that was enough! I like the place, but in small doses!)

On the other hand I've spent time in Chiang Mai each time I've visited Thailand. I'll be there next week; unfortunately only for 3 days this time, but I'd appreciate any information such as - what's currently hot and what's not in Chiang Mai? - is Adam's Apple currently being cautious or brazen? (it goes it cycles as we know) - any local festivities going on next week?

I've not been to Thailand for nearly a year, and the rate at which bars open and close, I'll probably find the bar I feel most comfortable in at about ten minutes before closing time on my last night!

So Bob - please be good enough to share your knowledge base!

- hulljake

What about my body Johnny?Do u want my body,do you think im sexy,come on honey ..............................................
Im very cuddly Johnny.

[Bob]

Hulljake, can't tell you about Adam's Apple this week as haven't been there for a while. AA has to be the most open/closed (due to police action) joint north of Bangkok! I understand that they do have the "shows" still although it's hit and miss....but Friday/Saturday nights be worth a try. I was there once three nights in a row with the first and third nights having "shows" and the middle night having a show Mother Theresa could have produced. I suspect somebody told them the middle night was not a good night to do one. I didn't really care as I was there drinking with friends.
Reminds me of the motorcycle guys up there. There are a lot of them that somehow instinctively know when they do and don't have to wear helmets (like they are emailed the police plans days ahead of time). My friend won't wear his helmet unless it's required (in spite of my constant carping) but he can exit the hotel a given morning, don the helmet, and, when I look increduluously at him, he says words to the effect: "look, dumbass, the cops are out this morning and I don't want a ticket!" And, sure as hell, 6 blocks later there's a police pull-over zone tapping the people who aren't wearing helmets. I think he dreamed it (but he knows!).

Edit: Hulljake, if you're ever interested in a quieter and upscale bar, you ought to try Soho (almost directly across the street from the Kad Suan Kaew or "Centran" Mall). It's a "gay" bar but there are no host or "off" boys to speak of (but I've known a friend or two who have made an occasional connection there). To this day, I really don't know where the university boys hang out but it surely isn't at any of the falang-known gay establishments (however, to be honest, I really haven't been looking for 4+ years either).