He acted in a porn. Does it mean the end of everything?

[ThaiFan]

Hi, everyone. Hope to hear your collective wisdom on something that's been bugging me and making me quite sad.

I'm in my thirties and been coming to Thailand often the last 3-4 years for work and play.

I met this thai go-go boy, who I quite fancy. He seems a better character than most working boys. He started to help him financially by giving money on my own initiative when I heard he got money problems. The reason why I started giving him was that he needed quick cash, and geniunely considered even be an actor in a gay porn movie. I told him to have more self-respect and told him that if he did that, I wouldn't like him anymore. I gave him 10K Baht, and he thanked me profusely and promised never to go into porn movies. That was about 2 years ago.

Since then, I do give him money 5K to 10K Bht on and off as well when I visit bangkok. Sometimes if I am quiet initially when he asks, he will say mai pen rai and he really wouldn't ask again and try to borrow from friends. I sense that he is a good boy, for example, will not order expensive food if we are eating unless I am okay with it. Doesn't smoke or drink himself silly drunk, and takes good care of his body. Didn't tell lies save for the one I found out below. When he does tell a white lie or answer a difficult question, he will look below and be coy. He also said he does not like to lie as he thinks it is bad, and he has not lied to me.

Since Nov last year, I feel myself more drawn to him and caring more for him. I am considering if to bring the relationship a step further by asking if he likes me too, and wants to be my partner. I did indirectly bring up the topic before that most friends urge me not to be serious with bar boys, and he said that he has been a good boy the last 2 years I known him (which is true), and that I can monitor him for the 3rd year before I pass judgement.

Everything was good smoothly (he isn't a gold digger, and no major lies detected), until recently, I noticed a gay porn trailer and could swear that one of the actors bear the same body shape that he has. Obviously, it was like an arrow had shot into my heart. I confirmed it when I downloaded the movie. It wasn't a hardcore movie, but he was naked and did oral on another guy before bottoming him. After watching the movie, I calmed down a bit since it wasn't that gross but its been bugging me. I'm having second thoughts.

Thing is, the movie was released 3 years ago before I even got to know him. I scoured the internet, but so far, this is the only movie that I saw him in. Technically, I did ask him if he acted in a movie or taken lewd pictures before and he said never, so, he did lie to me.

What does being in a porn mean for a thai guy? How should I change my perception of him? Should I confront him?

Please advise. Many thanks in advance. I have been hurt twice before by other guys, and I am wary of being hurt again.

... you want to get involved with a money boy but believe that acting in a porn movie causes a person to lose their self-respect? Presumably prostitution's OK? :cyclopsani:

[Aunty]

Should I confront him?

I think you should confront yourself! He's a sex worker, that's his job! SEX! And if he's hot enough to be in adult movies then you should thank your lucky stars you're going with somebody who's that attractive! Rather than lacking 'self-respect' for being in a porn movie, I think he should be quite proud of himself for his sex appeal and his willingness to share it! I'm serious.

[Lunchtime O'Booze]

you're dating a porn star and complaining ?

give me his phone number. :thumbright:

It wasn't a hardcore movie, but he was naked and did oral on another guy before bottoming him!

So what do you class as a hard-core movie, are we on the same planet?

What difference does it make how he makes his money, if you like him, and met him in a go-go then get on with it........

Whats the name of the movie we'd all like to see how lucky you are :P

[globalwanderer]

Would I confront him. No. Would I change my view of him. No. I had a similar situation with an Ex from Prague who made a porn movie during the time we were together but never told me about it. Be happy that he is handsome enough to be in a movie.

By telling him that you would not like him if he was in a porn movie, you have drawn a line under something he will never now tell you about. Be thankful you've found a handsome boy that has the right attitude.

And what will he think of you surfing the net and downloading porn movies!

Don't let something that happened in his past, especially before you knew him, ruin your friendship if you really care

[Marsilius]

As someone involved in the production of gay porno movies - see www.twinkacademyfilms.com (http://www.twinkacademyfilms.com) - I can tell you first hand that, for virtually every young man who I have worked with, it was just a job with no emotional attachments involved at all.

Filming is so long drawn out in most movies - as well as so completely lacking in privacy when you are surrounded by a technical crew* - that most boys have to work really hard to stay turned on by the process.

You seem to be worrying more about the fact that he might have enjoyed the experience for its own sake than anything else. I shouldn't, if I were you...



* It is, though, all too obvious that many porno movies produced in Thailand are shot in a far more amateur way.

[Lunchtime O'Booze]

"..As someone involved in the production of gay porno movies "

is there a vacancy open for a fluffer ?? :downtown:

"I told him to have more self-respect and told him that if he did that, I wouldn't like him anymore."

Why not? He would probably have earnt ten times as much from the movie as he would for doing exacly the same thing with a client.

"I am considering if to bring the relationship a step further by asking if he likes me too, and wants to be my partner"

If he likes you, you can rest assured he would have told you already; he may also have told you if he thought it would be more profitable! In my own experience most Thai working boys will tell you they like you on the first night, and many will tell you they love you on the second (even though my own partner only told me he loved me after we had been living together for three years!). If he has not told you this, you should ask yourself why.

Partnership / Civil Partnership (if that is what you are referring to) has no legal status in Thailand. Any registered Partnership will be legally binding only on you, not on him, so unless you either want to test his reaction, see if he is married, entitle him to a pension (?), or get him a visa to live with you, there would appear to be little constructive point

"I can monitor him for the 3rd year ".

How????

"I scoured the internet, but so far, this is the only movie that I saw him in."

Just how much gay porn ("hardcore" or "not that gross") can you watch ??

"How should I change my perception of him?"

Not one bit - he was a go-go boy when you met him, he is a go-go boy now, and even when he stops he will probably always be an ex-go-go boy to you.

"Should I confront him?"

Why? What do you hope to achieve, apart from a confrontation which most Thais try to avoid?

My partner is an ex-working boy, but I have no problems with that; it was a job, like many others that he has had - better paid and less work than most! You obviously do have a problem with it, so my advice (for what its worth) would be to enjoy your holidays and get on with your life.

[ThaiFan]

Would I confront him. No. Would I change my view of him. No. I had a similar situation with an Ex from Prague who made a porn movie during the time we were together but never told me about it. Be happy that he is handsome enough to be in a movie.

By telling him that you would not like him if he was in a porn movie, you have drawn a line under something he will never now tell you about. Be thankful you've found a handsome boy that has the right attitude.

And what will he think of you surfing the net and downloading porn movies!

Don't let something that happened in his past, especially before you knew him, ruin your friendship if you really care

Hi, thanks for your comments.

I 'm very worried that there may be more secrets that he hasn't told me, and if I made more commitments (time/money/health?) if we were to become even more closer then I'd be more hurt if I found out in the future. I would rather he told me everything up front so that I know what I am going into. I've already had 2 devastating disappointments...

How do you get into an open and honest conversation with a Thai guy? When he is under some alcohol or is there a good timing to ask him to "come out" with the truth?

TIA!

[ThaiFan]

"I told him to have more self-respect and told him that if he did that, I wouldn't like him anymore."

Why not? He would probably have earnt ten times as much from the movie as he would for doing exacly the same thing with a client.

"I am considering if to bring the relationship a step further by asking if he likes me too, and wants to be my partner"

If he likes you, you can rest assured he would have told you already; he may also have told you if he thought it would be more profitable! In my own experience most Thai working boys will tell you they like you on the first night, and many will tell you they love you on the second (even though my own partner only told me he loved me after we had been living together for three years!). If he has not told you this, you should ask yourself why.

Partnership / Civil Partnership (if that is what you are referring to) has no legal status in Thailand. Any registered Partnership will be legally binding only on you, not on him, so unless you either want to test his reaction, see if he is married, entitle him to a pension (?), or get him a visa to live with you, there would appear to be little constructive point

Hi, thanks for your comments. I felt he crossed the line when he lied about something like being in a movie. While I know that he works in a bar, being out there for all to see was too much to handle...

Once, I couldn't control myself and blurted out that I love him, and he quickly and very coyly replied that he loved me too. He said "I love you kon diow" (he did not say meng kan as most of them do). There was a momentary pause (not awkward silence) as both of us took in the words, and then even though we did not talk much after that, we sort of both started treating each other more closer.


"I can monitor him for the 3rd year ".

How????

"I scoured the internet, but so far, this is the only movie that I saw him in."

Just how much gay porn ("hardcore" or "not that gross") can you watch ??

"How should I change my perception of him?"

Not one bit - he was a go-go boy when you met him, he is a go-go boy now, and even when he stops he will probably always be an ex-go-go boy to you.

"Should I confront him?"

Why? What do you hope to achieve, apart from a confrontation which most Thais try to avoid?

My partner is an ex-working boy, but I have no problems with that; it was a job, like many others that he has had - better paid and less work than most! You obviously do have a problem with it, so my advice (for what its worth) would be to enjoy your holidays and get on with your life.

I can accept what he current does now, but just want him to be open with me about everything. Is that possible with a Thai guy?

What I also worry if he lies about the other secrets, like:
- Having a wife and kids
- Healthy

TIA for any further advice!

No, it is not posible to be totally open with you about everything, and that has nothing to do with his profession!!! I think that you are far far to idealist to survive in the world of not only Thai money boys but men in general. One of the realities of life on this plnet is that all men are pigs; you are still young, it may be a few years before this simple fact of life is revealed to you. Also, I think that to demand total openess and honesty from any other human is a set up for failure...no one is ever TOTALLY honest about their past, present or future. Having and keeping some personal secrets are necessary in any realtionship: too much information can easily distroy and good realtionship.

Actually he owes you no explanation. You give him money once in a while because you care a little for him. If you were giving a monthly allowance so he did not have to escort or do movies than maybe you should have some say in what he does. Family can put a lot of pressure on a boy and they will do about anything to please their parents. Making a porno is no different than offing a boy and going to a room with him, in most cases it is just a business transaction. The only difference is there is a camera involved. Before you get to involved you need to sit down and discuss with him if he wants a commitment or even if you want a commitment. Don't expect him to live on promises tho.

[globalwanderer]

Hi, thanks for your comments.

I 'm very worried that there may be more secrets that he hasn't told me, and if I made more commitments (time/money/health?) if we were to become even more closer then I'd be more hurt if I found out in the future. I would rather he told me everything up front so that I know what I am going into. I've already had 2 devastating disappointments...

How do you get into an open and honest conversation with a Thai guy? When he is under some alcohol or is there a good timing to ask him to "come out" with the truth?

TIA!

You have to accept there are probably 'secrets' about him you don't know. But are there any secrets about yourself you have not told him. Additionally he will probably have a different view about what is important to you.

However remember you only see him when you visit. He is still working in the bars and living the life of a bar boy. If he still considers you a customer rather than a friend he'll never open up, especially as you've already laid down the line on what you think is acceptable. It's a job just like any other and he's paid to be nice to customers. That does not mean he has to share every detail of his life. not does it mean he'll act other than as a friend. The fact that he has said you can monitor him for another year suggests to me that your feelings are not reciprocated.

And what do you mean by 'technically I did ask him' sounds like you think you did, but he may not necessarily have understood.

And unless he really feels for your more than a customer, whatever you ask you'll get the answer he thinks you want to here.

You have to go with your heart and decide whether you can trust him. Yes you might get hurt, but I sense you already are. I am not sure what is hurting you more, the fact that he said no to your technical question or the fact that he is in a porn movie. Or are you trying to find a reason to justify finishing with him.

We all take that risk of getting hurt. I had eight great months with Oot to be devasted by his death.

[dab69]

my first year I was drawn to Pattaya because of a film. I was off to Pattaya to find the film star of my erotic dreams, a well edited marathon of touching and eroticism (sexual healing) and a silly plot. i never found that particular actor.

I did meet some nice boys in need of money (1997 recession ) and met the nicest in a bar. he was going back home with another friend i met to work on the family farm- his dream. when i got back home i reviewed a trailer for another movie and see this nicest of boys waving on film!

doesn' t matter what he did for a living, all I saw way a very nice person going home to family.
really wish i had gotten to know him better, but vacation is only a few short weeks each year.
never ordered the movie that he appeared in- should have. wish i had gotten the name of
city where he lived.

[Lunchtime O'Booze]

and the younger ones piglets...which are mighty tasty. (porn actor or not)

[ThaiFan]

Hi, thanks for your comments.

[...]

How do you get into an open and honest conversation with a Thai guy? When he is under some alcohol or is there a good timing to ask him to "come out" with the truth?

TIA!

You have to accept there are probably 'secrets' about him you don't know. But are there any secrets about yourself you have not told him. Additionally he will probably have a different view about what is important to you.

However remember you only see him when you visit. He is still working in the bars and living the life of a bar boy. If he still considers you a customer rather than a friend he'll never open up, especially as you've already laid down the line on what you think is acceptable. It's a job just like any other and he's paid to be nice to customers. That does not mean he has to share every detail of his life. not does it mean he'll act other than as a friend. The fact that he has said you can monitor him for another year suggests to me that your feelings are not reciprocated.


Well, I did mention in another post that he had replied to me that he loved only me, after I accidentally blurted out that I loved him. He did make it clear to me that he needed to work, and that at his current expense level, I am unable to support him financially. Unfortunately, things being the current situation we can only meet once every one or two months. Although I call him almost everyday...



And what do you mean by 'technically I did ask him' sounds like you think you did, but he may not necessarily have understood.

And unless he really feels for your more than a customer, whatever you ask you'll get the answer he thinks you want to here.

You have to go with your heart and decide whether you can trust him. Yes you might get hurt, but I sense you already are. I am not sure what is hurting you more, the fact that he said no to your technical question or the fact that he is in a porn movie. Or are you trying to find a reason to justify finishing with him.

We all take that risk of getting hurt. I had eight great months with Oot to be devasted by his death.
I'm sorry for your loss, it must have been very difficult. A lot of things and accidents seem to happen in Thailand, to my mind less security, but I think it is the fact of life "there". Agreed that we have to cherish what we have and sometimes take a leap of faith. That's what makes us feel alive. I really hope that in the months to come, you will find it easier to live the days and may you find happiness soon for years...

Thank you for your advice.

[allieb]

How do you get into an open and honest conversation with a Thai guy? When he is under some alcohol or is there a good timing to ask him to "come out" with the truth? TIA!

The simple answer is YOU DON'T.You are going to Thailand from time to time and are renting his services. I know how we can all get caught up falling in love with a bar boy but after all they are all sex workers. What makes you different from others he had or still picks up?

You have no right to question his honesty, When I say honesty I mean the truth. If you didn't push it he wouldn't have to tell lies. If you want special relationship with him then pay him a monthly allowance or better still move to Thailand and live with him. Even then you may not get exactly what you want out of the relationship.

I see you have been disappointed in Prague another place where poofs go to find true love with sex workers. Ha Ha

You may be better off finding another farang for a lover.

[Smiles]

" ... It wasn't a hardcore movie, but he was naked and did oral on another guy before bottoming him ... "
This question of what constitutes porn film 'hardcore' (and really, the only interesting one in this thread IMHO) was asked in a post above but I can't find an answer from ThaiFan, who has answered just about everything else).

Intriguing to know what ThaiFan means by 'hardcore', if blowing and fucking (or being fucked by) another guy on film, isn't?

Cheers ...

[latintopxxx]

Thaifan, you are not going to find true love in a go go bar, these things only happen in the movies or fairy tales. These boys are in the business of selling their bodies, cash is king; its all very unemotional and fleeting.
Its exactly what I love about the Thai go go boy scene, no charades, its all very practical and above board; walk in choose a boy...and have a good time for a limited period befire moving on.
You are not mother Theresa!!

[ThaiFan]

" ... It wasn't a hardcore movie, but he was naked and did oral on another guy before bottoming him ... "
This question of what constitutes porn film 'hardcore' (and really, the only interesting one in this thread IMHO) was asked in a post above but I can't find an answer from ThaiFan, who has answered just about everything else).

Intriguing to know what ThaiFan means by 'hardcore', if blowing and fucking (or being fucked by) another guy on film, isn't?

Cheers ...
Sorry, missed that question... What I meant as hardcore was things like SM, and doing whatever to more than one guy at a time.

Sorry, missed that question... What I meant as hardcore was things like SM, and doing whatever to more than one guy at a time.

If I was you, I would get back into the closet and shut the door, or better still get someone to bolt the door after you :bom:

When will you guys learn???

When will you guys learn???

.....only once they have been right through to the devastating end themselves - the grief after the "love" - and once u get over that, your eyes are wide open (ideally without cynicism)

I think it is true for most of us, we can ask for advice, but when it is matters of the heart, we tend to only listen to what we want to hear and do our own thing anyway.

These things are really hard at the time and cause a lot of sadness and undue worry so I genuinely say good luck to the original poster.

Apparently the blood flow that sustains an erection has the effect of removing the brain's ability to process thought rationally :idea:

[Lunchtime O'Booze]

men think with their dicks-not their brains.

[daa raa]

It does not mean the end of everything, just keep everything in perspective. I know 4 boys from Pattaya who have been in porn films . All of them are very nice boys and acted in porn films because they needed money. They are all money boys and they received a nice amount for their "acting".

[allieb]

and they received a nice amount for their "acting".

What a lovely quote. Thats just what happens when we off bar boys. Doesn't that just say it all

latintopxxx,

while I agree with some of what you say, it is a bit too "broad brush" for me.

you are not going to find true love in a go go bar, these things only happen in the movies or fairy tales.

Generally true of holiday romances /long distance relationships, but by no means true for all of those living here. My partner worked in a bar, as well as working as a labourer, sugar cane cutter, restaurant waiter, cleaner, look-out boy for illegal loggers, etc; it was a job (albeit better paid and easier work!), nothing more. Maybe living wih me is also a job - I don't know, neither do you, and probably nor does he. Nor do I know (or really mind) if it is "true love" ("whatever that means", as Prince Charles said!) or just symbiotic; who knows, in any relationship? We have lived together, happily and monogamously, for five years, and a friend of mine has lived similarly with his Thai boyfriend for ten; it probably helps that neither of us are quite as old as is usual for those retiring here, nor are we more than twice as old as our Thai partners, but I doubt if that is a pre-condition for success.

These boys are in the business of selling their bodies, cash is king; its all very unemotional and fleeting.

Very true, it is a "business", and most encounters are "fleeting", but it is not always "unemotional". Just as some farangs are taken in by the boys, so the opposite is true; some promise the world (or at least a motorbike) and disappear on the next plane, while others persuade a boy to give up the bar scene but then dump them (usually without explanation) either after they see something more attractive or because of some often imagined transgression during their absence.

Its exactly what I love about the Thai go go boy scene, no charades, its all very practical and above board; walk in choose a boy...and have a good time for a limited period befire moving on.

Kept like that, neither you nor the boys will go far wrong - you both know exactly where you stand and you are both happy (probably for different reasons!)with the "good time". The problems (or not, for a fortunate few) come when one or both of you try to take it further.

[francois]

Very well spoken Gone Fishing!

[puckered_penguin]

They are all money boys and they received a nice amount for their "acting".

Could you let us know which movie he was in and if it was worth watching.. I have seen many Thai porn movies and yet to see a good one.

The movie action is about the same as many Thai bar boys present in the hotel room, lethargic and disinterested.

Maybe its me that they dislike! :drunken:

[ThaiFan]

[quote="daa raa":dmusde9y] They are all money boys and they received a nice amount for their "acting".

Could you let us know which movie he was in and if it was worth watching.. I have seen many Thai porn movies and yet to see a good one.

The movie action is about the same as many Thai bar boys present in the hotel room, lethargic and disinterested.

Maybe its me that they dislike! :drunken:[/quote:dmusde9y]
Honestly, I am quite hesitant to say the movie name, especially after reading some of the comments posted. Also, its somewhat personal... But, I guess I do owe some of you who gave good advice to say something more.

Lets say its along the lines of "Dangerous Asians" and "Golden Athletes"... Guess that should be enough.

[ThaiFan]

Thanks for everyone's time and advice.

I get the point that some folks make that (if I may so paraphrase): "Money is the biggest reason why a straight guy (or for that matter a bar boy who may be gay/bi/confused/mai pen rai) will allow you to see him in his birthday suit and tolerate an hour of sex (or two) with you".

But, if not a bar boy, then where else do we go to find a "better" guy? I heard a lot of kind advice on not going further with a bar boy because of the context and intent. I get that.

So, where does one go to meet and find a guy of decent character in Bangkok? Saunas? Silom Soi 2?

Take it easy! I had a similar "problem" one year ago with my boyfriend who however told me vaguely before that he did such a movie (while we were not yet committed, but already dated).

When I saw the hard core movie for the first time (he took it really the hard way) I felt uneasy but quickly did not bother anymore. Today I find the scene hot and am proud to be with such a sexy guy (he performs better with me than in the movie....).

I do not like the fact that your boyfriend lied about what he did. But this might be due to the fact that he did not have enough confidence in you and was aware about your negative attitude towards being a porn actor.

But where is the problem. Acting in a porn movie or watching it is exactly the same. Watching porn movies (or going with an a go go boy) we can not look down on porn actors or go go boys. :8( :8(

Relax!

P.S. : Just feeling like watching the scene where he takes it after finishing this post - if your relationship is genuine, you will soon feel the same!

[ThaiFan]

Take it easy! I had a similar "problem" one year ago with my boyfriend who however told me vaguely before that he did such a movie (while we were not yet committed, but already dated).

When I saw the hard core movie for the first time (he took it really the hard way) I felt uneasy but quickly did not bother anymore. Today I find the scene hot and am proud to be with such a sexy guy (he performs better with me than in the movie....).

I do not like the fact that your boyfriend lied about what he did. But this might be due to the fact that he did not have enough confidence in you and was aware about your negative attitude towards being a porn actor.

But where is the problem. Acting in a porn movie or watching it is exactly the same. Watching porn movies (or going with an a go go boy) we can not look down on porn actors or go go boys. :8( :8(

Relax!

P.S. : Just feeling like watching the scene where he takes it after finishing this post - if your relationship is genuine, you will soon feel the same!

Dear BeGood. Thanks for the encouragement.

Truthfully, I don't really feel at all that I look upon him any lesser than before I knew about the fact he was in a porn. I think it is more accurate that I feel sorry for him that I didn't know him then (to be able to help him), and he had betrayed my trust. So, I'd just like to put it out there that I always regarded him as a candidate to be my equal and mate. Despite some folks giving me advice that I should always remember that they are farm boys and should moderate my expectations of him as such. I do not agree and do feel somewhat repulsed by the idea.

I just hope that when I ask him about it, the conversation will not go awry and strengthen our understanding and resolve to bridge the differences in culture and thinking.

Cheers.