My HIV+ boyfriend latest crisis...

I reported recently on my trip to Cambodia with my HIV+ Thai boyfriend. It all went very well and he seemed fine. I wrote at the time though just how unpredictable his health could be and I didn't realise how true that was as within minutes of posting that report I had news of the latest crisis.

He had cataract operations on both eyes last year and his eyes had been fine since. Then he began to complain of pain and within days of our return from Cambodia they were so bloodshot they looked almost completely red. Then they became so swollen that his eyes closed and he couldn't see at all.

Living on his own became impossible and he had to admit to his mother that something was wrong. She visited and was so alarmed at his condition that she managed to get a local doctor to visit. Normally he won't see local doctors at all as he doesn't like people knowing he's ill. He usually waits until he goes to the Bangkok clinic every two or three weeks.

The doctor said that his sight was in serious danger and he was put in a taxi and despatched to the Bangkok hospital where the cataracts had been done.

The swelling was so bad that they had trouble getting drops into his eyes and they were also worried about his sight. He was put on an intravenous drip and he was told that it would be several days or even more before it would be known if his sight was going to be OK.

It was a very worrying time until yesterday when he called me and said that for the first time he had some blurred vision. His eyes are now bandaged but it seems hopeful that things will gradually improve.

I've no idea what caused this latest problem and I don't even know if it's anything to do with the cataracts or what the drip was for. Getting any more information is very difficult but I think I've persuaded my him to stay put for as long as it takes to make sure everything is OK. In the past he has a history of discharging himself as soon as he thinks he's OK as he wants to go home and he likes to save me money.

It's still early days but I'm hopeful that he will recover. This came as a complete shock and has again reinforced how unwise I was to take him out of Thailand and away from his doctors. He stays in Thailand in future whatever he says.

On a positive note his CD4 count has held up throughout this latest problem and he remains fairly strong otherwise.

[Aunty]

Sounds like he's had an eye infection in both eyes?

I'm inclined to agree. Unfortunately my boyfriend never understood exactly what cataracts were and he's seen this latest episode as more problems with his eyes rather than getting a clearer idea of what caused it. A common phrase I get from him is "Doctor talk to me, I no understand!"

For both eye to be affected at the same time in the same way does rather suggest an infection particularly given his weakened immune system.

My best source of information is usually when his doctor writes down some English terms which my boyfriend sends me as a text message.

But he's not in the usual hospital with his usual doctor and he can't even see his mobile let alone send a text message.

I hope I'll get a better idea eventually what caused this alarming problem.

[Hmmm]

Have you thought about contacting any of the gay aid organizations that might be able to visit your bf in hospital and relay information to you, or get the doctor to email you ?

Rainbow Sky springs to mind, although I don't know much about them. Here's a piece about the sort of things they do:
http://cst.bangkok.unfpa.org/401_2628.asp

They have a web site, but it's in Thai ... but does have phone numbers
http://www.fasiroong.org/

Silom Farang's Thai bf used to do volunteer work for them. I hesitate to nominate them without their knowledge but I feel for your situation.
http://gayboythailand.com/bangkok-thailand/about/

Perhaps someone else here knows more about Rainbow Sky or has some other ideas ?

The other option would be emailing Dr Phillipe and asking if he'd speak to your bf's doctors.

Have you thought about contacting any of the gay aid organizations that might be able to visit your bf in hospital and relay information to you, or get the doctor to email you ?

Thank you very much for the information and the suggestion. I did try something like this in the past but my boyfriend's extreme sensitivity to people knowing about his HIV+ status made it very difficult.

When he first became so ill I got a Thai bi-lingual friend of a friend to call him to try and get a clearer idea of what was going on. But he refused to talk to her. She then spoke to his doctor but he refused to give any details without my boyfriend's permission which he wouldn't give. The doctor's refusal was fair enough.

I've just been talking to my boyfriend actually and he's obviously managed to charm one of the doctors, which is typical of him, as she's looking after his money and getting him food while he can't see. They are not quite so pleased with his progress in the last 24 hours but he's promised to stay in hospital even though it is "Nah beua mark, mark!" (very very boring).

[UncleSam]

"A common phrase I get from him is "Doctor talk to me, I no understand!" My best source of information is usually when his doctor writes down some English terms which my boyfriend sends me as a text message."
I don't understand why you don't sit down with the doctor and your bf and get the doctor to explain to you in English just what the problems are. Virtually every Thai doctor I have ever met has an adequate command of English, expecially at any hospital in Bangkok, to give you a full diagnosis in English. Your boyfriend may not be educated or informed enough to fully understand his medical condition. What's your excuse for acting the same way ?

I don't understand why you don't sit down with the doctor and your bf and get the doctor to explain to you in English just what the problems are.

Because I'm 6,000 miles away that's why you idiot.

Dont know where you find the strength to cope with all this - must be very tough.

Thanks to all for the support.

Further to my "Knee jerk" reaction to UncleSam. Just to clarify. This eye problem is new and started after I was with him earlier this month. He's in a different hospital than usual and has different doctors that he doesn't know. He can only use his mobile if someone else helps him and he's frightened and confused.

There's nothing I like more than to be there with him and sit down and discuss things but I can't so I'm doing my best from the UK. I've tried to get him to let me talk to the doctor but he says she doesn't speak English. Unlike his normal hospital they don't know who I am and I've had no contact with them before.

I'm hoping to get news of test results tomorrow but my boyfriend does keep insisting that his sight will recover eventually.

[Bob]

I can fully understand, Jon, the difficulty of communicating with your Thai friend. I've had the same trouble.
My Thai friend's English is very good but sometimes he writes things that make no sense to me (oftentimes, I suspect, a product of his English education). Recently he wrote to me "my mother don't live" so, naturally, I am concerned that his mother died; yet, given his letter didn't seemed to be in the panic mode, I also wondered if he meant something else. He told me this morning she is fine (but he couldn't explain the "mother don't live" comment).

He's had a couple of significant health issues - going through repeated tonsil problems and now a lung infection - and it's very difficult to get him to explain what the doctor is telling him. There's the language problem (his command of written English isn't excellent but good) and then there's the problem that Thais just don't ask their doctors many (often "any") questions (perhaps part of the cultural deference to those of higher status?). Yet, I also find that even many Westerners simply don't ask their doctors enough or force them to explain things.

And, yes, their wierd thinking (the special Thai brand of magic and voodoo being involved) is all part of the problem. My bf did go to the doctor but I think the more important trip for him definitely was to visit the holy lady monk in Chiangrai. A couple of chants, a blessing, and a string around the wrist is more powerful to them than any medicine the doctor can conjure up.

In any event, best wishes for your Thai friend. I'll check out my inscrutable friend when I see him in a couple of weeks.

[UncleSam]

Because I'm 6,000 miles away that's why you idiot.
Before you start throwing more insults, you told us you were with him in Cambodia - not 6000 miles away- and that the eye problem started right after you returned. What did you do ? Drop him off at the Thai border and fly back home ?

You may be very devoted to this guy but you also seem to be very uninformed about the details of his medical problems and treatment. For example, you say: "I've no idea what caused this latest problem... Getting any more information is very difficult..." Maybe you haven't tried the right way. You can be 6000 miles away and still keep informed.

What's so difficult about getting the hospital doctor(s) name and email address and sending him a request for information, making sure that your bf tells the doctors it's Ok to respond to you. Most doctors in Thai hospitals today have email and most are able to communicate in English. I have a Thai friend who has been under doctors' care for years and I have no problem keeping up to date on his condition,in person when I am in Thailand, or by email with his doctors from thousands of miles away.

Just read my second response it explains everything. I can't be bothered with the rest of your post as you seem to have trouble understanding what I write.