Village trip- help!

[Shuee]

Wanting to visit a guys house in their home village who i will meet in pty somewhere?! so it will be luck where his home is;

1-where do i go if I want to get a REAL feel for what its like to be from a poor part of isaan - see real culture.

2- I have doubts however of how to do this properly, like I mean I donтАЩt want to end up going back to a rather wealthy family who have a tractor, 3storey house & a big car to go with it. I would like to see a basic family with the likes of a tin roof for a house etc. Should i ask if his parents are farmers, would that be a good start?

3- I was thinking of surin, but IтАЩm thinking that do to the annual elephant round up that this will be have a fairly big town centre already & some of the wealth may have spread to the villages here??, how about buriram.?

4. i will be on a budget so i expect to take (some alcohol) to his village with me, but how much should i give the parents is acceptable.....

5, buses from pattaya are good to go i'm told, any particular ones? i assume Air con is a start

6, what to take for comfortability, A-my umbrella to start with to act as a sunshield B-bottles of water, can you buy bottled water in the villages or is it ok to drink the rain water i' ve been told they collect?

thanks

Good topic. Let me share some answers. I have always found these trips to be a wonderful adventure. I have visited the area near Buriram several times.

First, although possible, not sure you will necessary find it easy to find a boy to take you home. Consider that bringing the falang home can create some issues and expectations for you and your friend.

1-where do i go if I want to get a REAL feel for what its like to be from a poor part of isaan - see real culture.

Anywhere in Issan, particularly any small village.

2- I have doubts however of how to do this properly, like I mean I donтАЩt want to end up going back to a rather wealthy family who have a tractor, 3storey house & a big car to go with it. I would like to see a basic family with the likes of a tin roof for a house etc. Should i ask if his parents are farmers, would that be a good start?

You will find the vast majority to be farmers. I hesitate to say poor. Although lacking materials things, the people have a rich happy community life. Most live in tin roofed houses, sleep on the floor, have fans, and use roosters for alarm clocks. Expect the first rooster to wake you well before sunrise. As you might expect from farmers, life follows the sun. It is unhurried and basic.

3- I was thinking of surin, but IтАЩm thinking that do to the annual elephant round up that this will be have a fairly big town centre already & some of the wealth may have spread to the villages here??, how about buriram.?

I like the Buriram area, but anywhere in Issan will be a great adventure.

4. i will be on a budget so i expect to take (some alcohol) to his village with me, but how much should i give the parents is acceptable.....

Ask your friend to suggest gifts for the family. Be prepared to pay for food and drinks for a party or two. Buy beer when you get there.

5, buses from pattaya are good to go i'm told, any particular ones? i assume Air con is a start

Your friend will know the best bus to take. I rent a car and drive.

6, what to take for comfortability, A-my umbrella to start with to act as a sunshield B-bottles of water, can you buy bottled water in the villages or is it ok to drink the rain water i' ve been told they collect?

A towel, sunscreen, your favorite toiletries, etc... I absolutely recommend you get a case of bottled water and beer when you arrive and NOT drink the rain water unless your gut is lined with stainless steel and you immune system is on overdrive. The local beer distributor or even the local village corner store can provide what you need. Exepct most of the village to come and have a drink with you. You might consider two cases of beer.

Finally, I would give careful thought to how long you intend to stay. I recommend a short visit the first time. Remember, you may not find anyone other than your friend to speaks anything other than Thai or Lao. Also, do not expect your friend to baby sit you. He will have lots of family gossip to catch up on and may want to see his friends. You may find yourself with Grandpa and unable to talk to him.

If you enjoy roughing it, this will be a great trip.

Don't forget toilet paper ! :clown:

Common on Baziel. Toilet paper? Even the most remote paddy field hut has toilet paper. TP is the universal paper product of Thailand.

[Bob]

1-where do i go if I want to get a REAL feel for what its like to be from a poor part of isaan - see real culture.
2- I have doubts however of how to do this properly, like I mean I donтАЩt want to end up going back to a rather wealthy family who have a tractor, 3storey house & a big car to go with it. I would like to see a basic family with the likes of a tin roof for a house etc. Should i ask if his parents are farmers, would that be a good start?

You have a better chance of winning the lotto than having a Pattaya bar boy (presuming that's how you met him) being from the middle or upper classes. There is almost zero chance that you'll find that he's from a "rather wealthy family." So,
expect the basic Thai home which, by western standards, means rather minimal (one floor, likely on pillars or stilts). You can drive around anywhere in Isaan and see how the average family lives (which is poor by western standards).



3- I was thinking of surin, but IтАЩm thinking that do to the annual elephant round up that this will be have a fairly big town centre already & some of the wealth may have spread to the villages here??, how about buriram.?

I'm not sure what your question is here. If you're going to visit his home, you're going wherever he lives (you can't pick that as far as I know). The annual elephant deal is in Surin in, I think, October of each year. Surin and Buriram are small cities (compared to Pattaya, for example) and hardly "wealthy" places.



4. i will be on a budget so i expect to take (some alcohol) to his village with me, but how much should i give the parents is acceptable.....

Again, not sure of your question. If you're going to visit his family, I'd suggest you give him a couple of thousand baht and go with him to buy whatever you'll need there. I don't see any need to pay any money to his parents, at least not on a first visit. The bus will end at some city that has a store and you can buy the stuff there if need be (I wouldn't buy it in Pattaya as then you'll have to haul the stuff wherever).



5, buses from pattaya are good to go i'm told, any particular ones? i assume Air con is a start

If you're going by bus, do not go on anything other than an air-con (or VIP) bus. If you go on a "fan" bus, you'll regret it.



6, what to take for comfortability, A-my umbrella to start with to act as a sunshield B-bottles of water, can you buy bottled water in the villages or is it ok to drink the rain water i' ve been told they collect?

Not sure - how long are you staying? I would urge you for a first visit to only stay there during the day (i.e., stay at a nearby hotel overnight). I can't really see the need for an umbrella (as I doubt if you'll be out gathering rice much of the time and the thais themselves don't really like standing in the sun - and as you'll look strange enough as a falang in some small Isaan village). No, don't drink their water - take some bottled water with you. Even in a small village, they likely have water from a well but it may not be a very deep well and the water line connections are usually a bit suspect from western standards. My thai bf lives in a very small (so small it doesn't have a name) village northeast of Chiangrai and even they don't drink their water!

Baziel gave very good practical advice - make sure you have a pack of tissues with you as you're not going to find toilet paper in the tin shithouse behind the boy's house. In fact, you're not going to want to go in there at all so I'd suggest you do your business at the hotel and then just keep your legs crossed until you get back to the hotel...hehe.

[Joe - you haven't been in the tin shithouses that I've been in. Typicially, they have nothing other than a bucket of water and, if you're lucky, a water spigot in or near the shithouse. Heck, I've been to restrooms in cities in Thailand that have no toilet paper - just the ol' squirter hose - and I almost always carry a packet of tissues with me when out and about to places I'm not familiar with in Thailand. And as to any of those remote rice paddy huts - and I've been in/on those "platforms with a roof" a few times - the only "bathroom" typically there is a piece of ground next to it (hopefully downwind) where you squat!]

[thaiworthy-old]

Baziel gave very good practical advice - make sure you have a pack of tissues with you as you're not going to find toilet paper in the tin shithouse behind the boy's house. In fact, you're not going to want to go in there at all so I'd suggest you do your business at the hotel and then just keep your legs crossed until you get back to the hotel...hehe.

[Joe - you haven't been in the tin shithouses that I've been in. Typicially, they have nothing other than a bucket of water and, if you're lucky, a water spigot in or near the shithouse. Heck, I've been to restrooms in cities in Thailand that have no toilet paper - just the ol' squirter hose - and I almost always carry a packet of tissues with me when out and about to places I'm not familiar with in Thailand. And as to any of those remote rice paddy huts - and I've been in/on those "platforms with a roof" a few times - the only "bathroom" typically there is a piece of ground next to it (hopefully downwind) where you squat!]

I am embarrassed to admit I actually had a problem with a toilet in my bf's house one time for an overnighter at his family's home. First time meeting, and it was important to him. It was New Year's Eve 2002, somewhere in Suphanburi. I had a throbbing earache that day. It was a small town, not sure you would call it a village. The only business there was one 7-eleven store and about a dozen food vendors selling things to eat I could never describe. "No MacDonald's, no Hilton Hotel," I said to the boy. I feined some shock over this, but the boy just laughed.

His home was made of cement bricks and looked decent enough. Later, my bladder began to beckon. Thankfully, I did exactly what was suggested (above) and brought my own TP and bottled water. I was prepared for anything. The had no kitchen and the only running water came from hoses. When it came time to use the facilities, I almost died at what I saw. I opened the door to see dozens and dozens of roaches scampering everywhere. Really big, really ugly, black and brown roaches! I instinctively tried to squash one. What looked like a shower stall was actually a makeshift bathtub, covered in some green and grey gunk that had to be mold and mildew with slimy, rusty red splatches on the wall and filled in the tub part with brackish water. I almost vomited. I walked briskly out and then ran to the car and sat there in a daze. "How can people live like this?" I pondered. The bf came by and wanted to know what happened. I told him I did not like his toilet. I think I eventually did pee somewhere. And later that night his mother "cleaned" the toilet. I did not see roaches. Later still, the boy said, "I'm sorry you did not like my family's toilet," he said, as if to shame me for my behavior. I felt about an inch tall and very sorry that I did not handle things better.

Joe M was spot on. He did disappear for most of the night to talk to his friends. I hardly saw him at all after the toilet episode. I thought he was disappointed in me, but as it turned out he needed money for booze to celebrate the New Year with his friends. I gave it to him and heard no more about it.

So you wanna get the REAL feel, do you? Good luck!

[dab69]

have you already actually been invited by a friend?

[krobbie]

... don't forget one of those really small bottles of "instant disinfectant hand wash". As if some of the toilets aren't frightening enough, I have never seen a bar of soap anywhere in a public convenience (no quips please).

It doesn't matter if you are at a wat or monument or whereever ... the chances of a vestige of soap are as remote as a mamasan buying you a drink.

I know the handwash stuff sounds a bit OTT considering what I have put in my mouth in the course of my life but clean hands (and bum) is kind of important where I'm from.

Cheers
krobbie

[Smiles]

have you already actually been invited by a friend?
Agree with that.
I doubt you will be able to invite yourself to the parent's village/farm/tin shack (etc etc). The 'normal' way this would happen is if your friend takes a real liking to you . . . then the possibility of a visit might pop up (but not right away), and even then, not necessarily so.
It would be up to him, not to you . . . and there would be a hundred reasons why he wouldn't even contemplate such a thing.

Is the original post question for real? Can't make up my mind. If real, the naivete factor in the query seems rather blatant to me . . . searching for 'The Real Thailand': Grand Palace, Chao Praya river cruise, Silom/Patpong, Siam Square, Reclining Buddha, happy country folk in poverty stricken village life in Isaan etc etc etc. (If I'm wrong in my suspicions, please excuse).

Cheers ...

Umm, silly of me I know but maybe he's actually asking if it's possible to visit a village and meet a boy?

Wanting to visit a guys house in their home village who i will meet in pty somewhere?...........where do i go if I want to get a REAL feel for what its like to be from a poor part of isaan - see real culture. .............I have doubts however of how to do this properly........

If you are serious that you want and expect to be able to go to visit a perfect stranger's home and family, so that you can see what it really means to be from a poor part of Isaan, there is no conventionally acceptable way of "doing this properly".

Do not expect a bar boy (or anyone else) to happily allow you to visit his home and family, whatever "budget" you are on. They are doing a job, providing a service while working, nothing more. Their family and neighbours are unlikely to be impressed at being treated as an exhibit in a zoo.

If genuine I suggest you explain to a friendly mamasan or bar-owner what you want and they can then ask the boys for you to see if anyone is interested in a paid trip home - and I mean paid. In addition to the daily "off" you will be up for all the expenses (fares, meals, accommodation, etc) plus a large daily tip. Bear in mind that, as you will apparently not know your host or his family, you could end up being lucky or you could end up with a very unpleasant experience both physically and financially. If you have a problem the nearest policeman, public transport, etc may be a long way away.

If all you want to do is to see how poor people live, surely you have some in your own country - or would they be offended by what you are doing?

What I find really appalling about this post is not so much the initial post but the number of people who apparently see nothing wrong with it being a wonderful adventure and great trip.

I have been with my ex-Bf in his village in Isaan in Chaiyaphum province. He was (and still is) moneyboy.
We go there for his birthday, and I pay for the party. First we had to stop by market to buy all food, and yes so many beer to buy (what a pity for me I no drink alcohol).
After for everything my friend told me what I had to do, to eat, or to pay, to say,....
I go work rice, play cards, go Isaan concert, go temple,... and I think I was a so good entertainment for all his family and all village (maybe 25 houses).
I took bus one time to bangkok and after to Chaiyaphum and after to Nom bua deng and family come to take them here, and second time we took bus to Korat and after bus to chaiyaphum and another one to Nom bua deng.
Even trip in what they call V.I.P. bus is an adventure.
We stay 5 days and we do it two times during two different stay in Thailand.
And I have been with friends in Surin, near Tatum, but this time, big house, small village but so more money for family. No need to use anything I was their guest.
My trip to Chaiyaphum was really good and make my ex-bf and me be more "in Love" but no make him stay with me, even if I know all his family and pay school for his younger brother.
He find more easy to go back to work his sex job, and waiting to find another farang with big money more me.
But that is another story.

I too have been to the home towns of a couple of guys. Naturally this did not happen on the first or even the second time we were together. It happened after some time spent with each guy and only after we had developed a relationship of sorts. The first time it was off to Buriram where I settled in for 4 days in a village (if you can call it that) of about 15 houses on a dirt road. The guys room (and house in general) was clean and the shower/toilet facilities also clean but basic (squat toilet and water for shower in a cement tank. Used a large bowl to wash down, then soap up and wash down again. Pretty standard from my experience in rural Asia. The boy took good care of me and cooked food he knew I could tolerate. Of course we stopped at the market on the way there to pick up some "supplies" but no requests for booze. We did make a trip to the large town to visit Big C on one occasion but I must say he and his family did not go hog wild expecting me to pay. Many of the items were stuff we ate over the remaining days I was there. I did give his mother some money when we left but not any great amount as I recall. Just something to show my gratitude for the stay. I did visit him once again at his insistance as he and I were in the breakup mode by then. I flew up there and he was at the airport to meet me. It was a nice visit but being a freelancer he had met another guy who was treating him well and this was sort of the last ditch effort on my part to save the relationship with him. Quite honestly he was super about everything and taking up with the other guy was simply economics. He and I have remained friends and still talk to each other on occasion and quite frankly I know he felt bad about what happened. So maybe I lost a bf but gained a friend. Probably will last longer anyway.

The third and fourth visits to the village was in Udon Thani. Again this happened after a while being with the guy. I really have been reluctant to take this trips to the "sticks" as the lack of A/C, simple conveniences, etc. make it difficult. I eat Thai food and enjoy some of it but not as a steady diet for 4 or 5 days. This makes the trip to these places somewhat difficult for me when I am on a two or three "vacation" and want to pamper myself. Anyway the two visits to the Udon Thani area were also overall pleasant experiences. Again the house was clean and the toilet/shower facilities basic and reasonably well maintained. Again the guy took my eating requirments into account. In these rural places I usually just stick to vegetables and rice and stay away from any kind of meat, poultry, etc. Just feel it is safer. It is not a problem for them as they always have some kind of vegetable dish anyway. I try to snack on fruit so generally not a problem for the period of time I am there. One day I was walking with the guy down a street in the village and some woman shouted out to the guy something about him having a new husband. He laughed and joked with her and was obvious I was not the first guy to be taken home. Again no great pressure to spend too much money. Sure I bought some beer, whiskey, etc. to take to a village party but the family and neighbors are just as likely to share what they have with you.

It is my opinion that guys only will take you home after they have known you a while and after they sure you won't embarrass him, his family, or yourself. You must be able to just go with the flow. These trips have been great experiences but not without difficulties in long bus/train rides. Even flying considering the time involved in transportation to the airport, time in airports, etc. can make the travel to anywhere an all day affair. I look at it as doing something for the guy because he showed enough appreciation/felt good enough about me to take me. (It has not passed me by that there maybe motives in their taking me home. Free trip to see the family, friends, ante up some money for something needed on the house, etc.) Overall I don't feel that I have been horribly put upon during any of these trips. They are experiences I would not trade for anything but also not my idea of something to do on a vacation with limited time. Just something I did because I liked the guys I was with.

So to the original poster, I would not plan on being taken off to some rural village until you had gained some relationship with the guy over a period of time and remember that not all guys are out to their families to the point of taking strangers home to Mom and Dad. Also be prepared to be ignored at times and left on your own. Take a good book.

[Aunty]

Wanting to visit a guys house in their home village who i will meet in pty somewhere?...........where do i go if I want to get a REAL feel for what its like to be from a poor part of isaan - see real culture. .............I have doubts however of how to do this properly........

If you are serious that you want and expect to be able to go to visit a perfect stranger's home and family, so that you can see what it really means to be from a poor part of Isaan, there is no conventionally acceptable way of "doing this properly".

Do not expect a bar boy (or anyone else) to happily allow you to visit his home and family, whatever "budget" you are on. They are doing a job, providing a service while working, nothing more. Their family and neighbours are unlikely to be impressed at being treated as an exhibit in a zoo.

If genuine I suggest you explain to a friendly mamasan or bar-owner what you want and they can then ask the boys for you to see if anyone is interested in a paid trip home - and I mean paid. In addition to the daily "off" you will be up for all the expenses (fares, meals, accommodation, etc) plus a large daily tip. Bear in mind that, as you will apparently not know your host or his family, you could end up being lucky or you could end up with a very unpleasant experience both physically and financially. If you have a problem the nearest policeman, public transport, etc may be a long way away.

If all you want to do is to see how poor people live, surely you have some in your own country - or would they be offended by what you are doing?

What I find really appalling about this post is not so much the initial post but the number of people who apparently see nothing wrong with it being a wonderful adventure and great trip.

HERE HERE!

I have visions of this guy alighting from his air-conditioned bus, dolled up to the nines in Versace, stepping on to the dusty road and saying, "where the poor people at?". And then clapping and pointing and jumping up and down going, ohhhhhh, there's one! Can you imagine the letters' home??

Maybe I am being unfair? But using 'poor people' as a tourist attraction doesn't seem very nice to me. But maybe that is not actually the poster's intent?

[thaiworthy-old]

After the plethora of input and reaction to his post, I for one, would like to hear from Shuee about how he feels now, having read all this. Shuee, have you been invited? Do you already know someone? What say you, sir? Is this a pilgrimage to help the poor and needy? We're pretty sure you're not just Mother Theresa reincarnated in Thailand.

Inquiring minds want to know!

[Hmmm]

Perhaps there is an "Isaan village human zoo" that the OP can visit ? Geez ... "I've just paid you 1000 baht so I could fuck you ... now when do I get to meet your parents ?"

[PeterUK]

If the circumstances arise naturally (and I agree that one doesn't just ordain this kind of thing), then a trip to a boy's village can be an interesting and eye-opening and even humbling experience. I did it myself about fifteen years ago; it was nerve-wracking but enjoyable. Would I want to do it again? Frankly, no. Apart from anything else, the probability is that I would be older than the parents and, sorry, but that thought just doesn't turn me on at all.

Wanting to visit a guys house in their home village who i will meet in pty somewhere?...........where do i go if I want to get a REAL feel for what its like to be from a poor part of isaan - see real culture. .............I have doubts however of how to do this properly........
[u]
What I find really appalling about this post is not so much the initial post but the number of people who apparently see nothing wrong with it being a wonderful adventure and great trip.

I am in total agreement with Gone Fishing.

If the original post was not a troll then it is a most appaling and crass idea.

Can you imagine the scenario; Meet a boy then ask him " Are your family peasants, if so I would like to meet them? Then interrogate the boy, does family have a tractor / electricity / running water / are they *really* poor. Oh well maybe they will do for me to show my superior status, let's go.

Maybe for those who think it would be a great idea, rather than those who have made a visit to a boy's familty where a relationship has exisited, we could set up a theme park for them on the ottskirts of Bangkok to save you the arduous journey of having to travel by bus along the dusty roads. We could call it 'Peasant World'. We could bring down from Chiang Rai some really poor farmers and their families, build a few one room houses on stilts with the traditional toilet/bathroom facilites. Plant a few rice fields for tourists to have a go at picking some rice in - must not forget to get a resident photographer to take a photo for the folks back home. Also find a few cripples to crawl around and beg for money so rich farangs can scatter a few Baht while wandering around with that look of superiority on their face. Maybe even arrange overnight stays where we can have you share a room with 6-7 of these peasants, scatter a few hundred cockroaches about the room ( got to keep it authentic) and grab a few cockerels to crow and wake you up at 4am. After an hour or so gawping at these peasants who to keep things authentic we will only pay 100 Baht a day, rich farangs can make sure that they flash a bundle of Baht notes, peel off a 100 Baht note and hand it to one of these peasants and wait for them to grovel in thanks as is expected.

Yeh great idea Shuee, condesending prat.

[quote=Shuee]Wanting to visit a guys house in their home village who i will meet in pty somewhere?...........where do i go if I want to get a REAL feel for what its like to be from a poor part of isaan - see real culture. .............I have doubts however of how to do this properly........
[u]
What I find really appalling about this post is not so much the initial post but the number of people who apparently see nothing wrong with it being a wonderful adventure and great trip.

I am in total agreement with Gone Fishing.

If the original post was not a troll then it is a most disgusting and crass idea.

Can you imagine the scenario; Meet a boy then ask him " Are your family peasants, if so I would like to meet them? Then interrogate the boy, does family have a tractor / electricity / running water / are they *really* poor. Oh well maybe they will do for me to show my superior status, let's go.

Maybe for those who think it would be a great idea, rather than those who have made a visit to a boy's family where a relationship has exisited, we could set up a theme park for them on the outskirts of Bangkok to save you the arduous journey of having to travel by bus along the dusty roads. We could call it 'Peasant World'. We could bring down from Chiang Rai some really poor farmers and their families, build a few one room houses on stilts with the traditional toilet/bathroom facilities. Plant a few rice fields for tourists to have a go at picking some rice in - similar to the pan for gold in Ballaratt experience, must not forget to get a resident photographer to take a photo for the folks back home. Also find a few cripples to crawl around and beg for money so rich farangs can scatter a few Baht while wandering around with that look of superiority on their face. Maybe even arrange overnight stays where we can have you share a room with 6-7 of these peasants, scatter a few hundred cockroaches about the room ( got to keep it authentic) and grab a few cockerels to crow and wake you up at 4am.

After an hour or so gawping at these peasants, who to keep things authentic we will only pay 100 Baht a day, at the end of the tour rich farangs can flash a bundle of Baht notes, peel off a 100 Baht note and hand it to one of these peasants and wait for them to grovel in thanks as is obviously expected. Maybe even bring a few boys up from Pattaya that can sit at the entrance to the theme park and wait to be offed so they can be dragged around like some sort of trophy just to make these poor peasants understand that you as a rich farang can not only buy their offsprings for sex but also make sure all of the peasants know what the boy does to make a living.

Then when you get back home have a dinner party for all of your friends to show them the pictures of how you suffered for a few days alongside these poor peasants and how your understanding of their problems is now so more enhanced by you experience. Don't forget to point out the limbless peasant who is crawling around begging for a little rice, now he was amusing wasn't he? Make sure you tell your friends how you eased his suffering by giving him 10 Baht and how you brought joy to a few of these peasants by giving them a bottle of water. Oh such gifts of joy from the rich farang!!

After Peasant World what next, maybe a theme part in India, LeperWorld, now that would be a feather in your cap!

Yeh great idea Shuee, patronising prat.

edited a few times as spellchecker is not working
[/quote:1j44bifa]

I am in total agreement with Gone Fishing.


I am genuinely flattered!

An alternative for Shuee - why not go to the Bronx, or some similar area near to whatever stone you crawled out from underneath, knock on the door of the most disreputable place you can find, and try inviting yourself in to see the "real culture" - and take the half-wits who think this would be a "great adventure" with you!!

what's wrong with anyone from a comfortable western background wanting to see first-hand rural poverty? Why is it patronising? I am in total agreement that the wording of the original post did seem very bizarre and misguided - picking up a boy on a Monday night and asking him to take him to your ancestral village on Tuesday morning is a tad bizarre!

I spent 6 weeks 3 hours north of Chiang Mai with my then bf - but I had known him for a long time before and it wasn't a guy I met the night before! Also, I have worked in extremely poor countries as diverse as Bangladesh and Mozambique and I do believe that rural poverty has a certain beauty - in remote Bangladeshi villages I have been amazed at the colour, warmth and happiness, despite the fact that these people merely struggle to survive. To some extent the common humanity we all share is more apparent in these social settings, and I have learned many lessons in selflessness and generosity from these people. Urban poverty - well that is an entirely different world altogether.....

I think most people should visit these rural poor settings - it can teach us in the west a lot - the importance of community and communality, the importance of family ties, the nature of sharing, how material wealth has no bearing on enjoyment, laughter and happiness, and how generosity has no link with social status and material wealth. In addition, to be immersed in a world without cynicism is truly refreshing. Sometimes all the shades of grey we have developed in our western minds has made us lose the importance of black and white.

what's wrong with anyone from a comfortable western background wanting to see first-hand rural poverty? Why is it patronising? I am in total agreement that the wording of the original post did seem very bizarre and misguided - picking up a boy on a Monday night and asking him to take him to your ancestral village on Tuesday morning is a tad bizarre!
.

There is nothing at all wrong in wanting to see how others live and these visits can often be an eye-opening experience and make us appreciate just how fortunate we are.

It is the perverse concept of specifically looking for a boy whose family *must* be peasants and then asking him to take you to visit them as some sort of visit to a freakshow. There are many ways to experience rural Thailand and meet the people who make up these diverse communities. But seeking out boys and asking if their families are peasants is not the way to do it.

In your own case and as others have said, there was a relationship with a b/f prior to your visit to his village and no doubt you b/f was keen for you to meet his family which of course puts your own visit in an entirely different light than that of which the OP was proposing.

If Shuee just wants to meet poor Issan families living in poverty he can do so right here in Bangkok. I will be happy to arrange for him to visit the Slaughterhouse slum in the city, with a worker from Fthr. Joes relief program, where he will find plenty of Issan families living in poverty. The only thing that will be missing is the rice fields.

[dab69]

I still struggle a bit any time in Bangkok dealing with all the humanity and lives i see there.
MAybe this is shaded a bit as my first visit was isn the recession of 1997 but I really feel the
words to the cliched "makes a hard man humble".
I really don't know if i could handle hill peoples village situations any better.

... who thinks you're "good heart" (and that's a decision he'll make) will be very happy to take you to visit the folks back home. However, expect to be the bearer of gifts. A washing machine is, I'm told, very popular (B3,000 - B6,000)

... expect to be the bearer of gifts. A washing machine is, I'm told, very popular (B3,000 - B6,000)

Expensive washing machine!
I employ an Isan washing maching for 1500 Baht a month and she does the ironing too. Her son is on the Pattaya/Bangkok freelance circuit making more than his mom's monthly wage nearly every day. It was a shock at first when mom arrived with my clean laundry and found her son (my overnight trick) taking a shower. Even more ironic was that she then had to wash the sheets that had her son's secretions dried onto them.
But at least I got to meet some of his family without having to make a ghastly trip to the sticks. I speak from experience about it being ghastly. Over the years I have made boyfriend trips to Lampang; Chiang Rai; Chaiyaphum; Ubon and Surin. Each trip was more tedious, uncomfortable and more expensive than the previous one. The folks only see you as a bearer of gifts and visiting ATM and they don't look after what they've got or been given on previous trips.
Shuee, It may seem adventurous or romantic to a new westerner in Thailand to make these trips but I'm through with it now. If they want to go home to visit mom and the tribe then I'll give him some money to make the trip alone. But, human nature being what it is, you will not listen to my advice or anyone else's on this board. Go and do whatever your heart is set on and then learn from the experience yourself.


Gary ... thought about lipposuction?