Dodger
December 3rd, 2007, 08:20
Hi you maniacs,
I just returned from Adventure # 18 and havenтАЩt been plugged in to the forum for the past two months. I can see that the name change game is still popular, although after scanning a few of the posts can see that the faces havenтАЩt changed at all.
In summary, my holiday wasтАжwell, how do I put thisтАжinteresting to say the least. I lodged at my normal roust at Chateau Dale, spent the first few weeks cruising the gogoтАЩs, ate my meals at pretty much the same restaurants, then, reunited with my boyfriend from my last holiday and ended up getting married. Well, that pretty much sums it up.
Before I blabber about the boring marriage stuff, let e give you my perspective on the scene in our beloved town of Pattaya. I never get too caught up with trivial things like bars changing names, police raids, restaurants going out of business, etc., because this is what Pattaya is all about. This place, unique to any other piece of real estate on the planet, survives by remaining in a constant state of flux at all times.
Some of the more noticeable changes that occurred during this holiday included the sale of the Clubbing Enterprise, which frankly, seemed like a good idea to me. Their Jungle Boy Club wasnтАЩt drawing any business, which may have resulted from the fact that you couldnтАЩt see any boys in the place with those bamboo walls obstructing any possible view. The hotel, which IтАЩve been told has great rooms, is better suited for a Boyztown location, possibly where that Thai/English Language Studio is located on Soi 1 with Throb, Splash and BoysBoysBoysтАж.huh!!! Eric, the X-manager of the Clubbing Restaurant, arranged some sort of partnership with SammyтАЩs (Sunee Plaza), and now serves his scrumptious food at an outdoor buffet in front of Sammys. The only thing IтАЩll really miss about these 3 Clubbing businesses is their parties. They had 3 great Grand Opening parties, one for each of these businesses, which of course, would end up being closed before the pig could be removed from the barbeque pit..
Kaos still seems to be the most popular gogo in the Plaza, although all the others were bustling with business every time I cruised by. The French have formed a well defined strategy for managing an evolving monopoly of gogoтАЩs in the Sunee Plaza area. This group of French entrepreneurs now control Kaos, Sundance, Look Bar (formerly Y2K), and the new Minue Ladyboy Bar, and the way theyтАЩve balanced these businesses is pure genius.; They moved all the ladyboys, most of which were just being a pain in the ass in their present locations, to the new Minue Bar. Then they loaded Kaos and Sundance with a mixture of boy boys, a few fem types, and even a few down right ugly dudes, and there you have it.
I spent my first few weeks in Adventure Land just cruising the gogo and bar scenes trying to find another shining star to share some romance with. As some of you may recall from my past ramblings, I had broken up with a boy who I was planning on marrying back in April 2006, and still at odds with him when I returned to LOS this trip.
Finally, one night as I was strolling down Soi Sunee I heard his voice calling my name. I hesitated momentarily before turning around as I had this deep feeling inside that the moment I saw him again meant the whole world was going to change around me тАУ and change it did. No hugs or kisses like our previous reunions. He just stood about 10 yards away from me and asked me in a sheepish voice, how I was doing. Prior to me returning to LOS this time I had received news that he (who IтАЩll refer to as Su) had been arrested for using Yabaa. I received this information about 2 months after returning from my last holiday, which meant there were two more months to go before my next return. The fact that he was caught using Yabaa, in-and-by-itself, was not the thing that blew my mind, it was the fact that he was supposed to be attending a beauty school up near his home in Si Saket which I was paying for. When he found out that I had been informed about his incarceration, and the fact that he was in Pattaya not Si Saket, he didnтАЩt even bother phoning me again. He knew that the gig was up and he didnтАЩt have a leg to stand on.
As a result of his arrest, he lost his job as a waiter at a popular bar, lost face with his friends, most of which were trying to get him to stay away from Yabaa, he lost me, and most the most impacting consequence of all, he lost the support of his family. Needless to say, he was really down in the dumps as he stood in the shadows confronting me for the first time since this incident.
During our brief conversation, I told him that I wasnтАЩt angry about him copping out the beauty school, nor was I angry about his being caught doing Yabaa, as these are the types of mistakes that people make in life. I told him that I was disappointed in him, especially the fact that he had deceived me. I kept this conversation very short and told him that I would like to see him again, although it would not be the same as in the past. I told him that I didnтАЩt want anyone staying with me in the condo full-time, nor did I feel it was a good idea for us to be seeing each other on a steady basis. I donтАЩt remember what his actual response was, but it was subdued and with teary eyes.
I walked away with a lump in my throat and an empty feeling in my stomach. For 2 ┬╜ years I have loved this guy to the point that I was going to bond with him for life, only to watch him walk away from me after having lost everything.
For the next two weeks I hung around with old friends in familiar places, and for the most part, was bored as hell. By then, I had heard the whole story about what happened to Su, from his friends. Of course they were all minimizing what happened telling me things like, he only came back to PTY for a few days and all he talked about was the Beauty School he was attending, he is not a Yabaa boy, he only do a few times with his friendsтАжhe loves you too muchтАжblahтАжblahтАжblah.. I even had two of his best friends, guys who IтАЩve known for several years now, visit me at the condo one afternoon in an effort to reunite the two of us. The bottom line was that Su had received an offer to work back on the gogo scene again, although turned it down тАУ not wanting to ruin his chances with getting back with me again. This story was confirmed by everyone who knew him.
I wanted to see him again, but didnтАЩt want to play any games. By games, I mean my games. I was either going to have to accept his wrongdoings and get back together with him again, or not. I was committed not to use these things against him and play the manipulating game, which would only damage our relationship more.
After seeing each other a few times it was apparent that we were going to end up being together all of the time. Yabaa or nor Yabaa, I wanted to be with him and he wanted to be with me. He agreed to return to see his family for a few days to face the problem he had with his parents head-on. I also wrote a letter to his parents, which Mim (NS Travel) translated to Thai script for me. In this letter I spoke honestly and clearly about my feeling for Su, the challenge we both faced, especially considering the recent problems, and the fact that I planned on supporting him through these difficult times, as long as he is willing to do the work.
Su returned to PTY a few days later and seemed like a new person. His smile was beaming from ear-to-ear. He said his parents and family members were willing to support him, and even took him on two trips to visit the village monk. Note that the Thais version of AA or NA is a little different than in the West. There are no 12 step recovery programs in Thailand, nor are there any books and information on the subject of drug or alcohol recovery, so these situations are commonly handled between the family and the local temple
The next few weeks were possibly the best days of my life. A year ago Su had had enough with the working scene and wanted to transition back to a semi-normal life with his family. This occurred at the same time that I was having my fill of the butterfly scene and wanted to find someone I could begin planning a future with. His hopping on a bus to party with his friends in PTY again, and then getting caught in a police raid with Yabaa in his urine, dislodged everything for both of us.
One afternoon we were just sitting on the sofa talking. He was going on-and-on about how terrible he felt about the mistakes he made, and right in the middle of one of his sentences, I interrupted him and asked him if he would marry me. His first reaction was a look of total shock. This was followed by a stream of tears flowing down his face as he mumbled the wordsтАжyes, I would like to do with you very much. IтАЩll leave out the really mushy part after that, but it consumed the remainder of the afternoon.
We invited his parents down to PTY to visit for a few days and chose this time to blow-their-minds with our plans. Like most Thais, they didnтАЩt say much at first, they just seemed to consume our words without showing any real expression. IтАЩd hate to be playing a game of Texas Holdem with this bunch.. We discussed our plans for both the short term and the long term, and of course wanted their blessings. On the evening of the third and final night of their visit, they informed Su that they were happy for both of us and would be willing to take us to the village monk where weтАЩd have to receive his acknowledgement and blessing as well. Note that Su and I had already visited this monk a year ago to not only receive his blessing, but to also receive his recommendation for the actual date of the ceremony. I remember posting a topic on this forum about 2 years ago which touched on the subject of Buddhism and astrology, and some wizard bursted into the thread saying that there was absolutely no connection between Buddhism and astrology. Well Mr. Wizard, if youтАЩre reading this now, stand assured that you are flat ass wrong. If youтАЩre going to bond with your Thai mate in a Buddhist ceremony, the date of the ceremony is decided by considering the birth dates of both parties, the paths that each persons star(s) is on during a given period, and most importantly, the relationship between the astrological star movements (paths) as they relate to each other. Also, for those who may not be aware, Buddhist monks do not marry people, they simply bless and acknowledge the merit of the two people who are binding. This is not a legal ceremony either, although, considered in Thai culture too be extremely important, and even more significant than having a piece of paper signed at a court house. When two people (gay or str8) participate in one of these ceremonies with the entire family, and in some cases, the entire village present, itтАЩs taken very seriously by all.
One week later Su and I were on the bus rambling toward our destiny. By the way, those who want to visit the Isaan region should really consider the VIP bus line which operates out of a small station on Sukhumvit Road in Central Pattaya. The VIP bus is ultra modern with fully reclining seats for comfortable sleeping, flat screen TVтАЩs where they show full length movies, fully air conditioned, etc. The cost for a trip from PTY to Ubon is 627 bt. Su and I caught the 8:30 PM departure, enjoyed a movie and a little snack and went to sleep. We woke up 6 hours later in Ubon. The total trip is 9 hours. They also have those seats where the center armrest folds up so you can stroke your boyfriends cock under the blanket with easeтАжnot that I would do that mind youтАжit was just a thought.
OKтАжback to my story.
SuтАЩs family lives in a remote village in the southern most section of Si Saket, with the nearest town of any size being Kantharalak which is 9 kms away. Like most Thai families, they live in a very collaborative arrangement where each family supports the well being of the other families by sharing food and other necessities, as well as contributing to the primary social structure of the village. Su has a large family with 3 grandparents, about 10 uncles and aunts, dozens of nieces and nephews, and a host of other small children who form an extended family. Believe me, it took me many trips to this visit to figure out who-was-who, as Su doesnтАЩt understand the English terms for aunt, uncles, nieces, nephews, etc., and relies on describing his relations like this: тАЬ That lady over there is the second daughter of the sister of my fathers motherтАЭ, Yeh, right! I just give them all silly little nicknames that I keep to myself.
SuтАЩs family village is really considered prosperous when comparing it to other villages IтАЩve seen in Isaan. Thanks to the diligent planning of one of the grandfathers many years ago, each family member now owns about 60 rai of land which is used mostly for farming rice and a few other green looking things. Most of the family member homes are large and well maintained with plenty of live stock roaming around. You think a place like this would be boringтАжnot a chance. Su has somewhere between 60-70 family members all of which seem to stay busy all day either working in the rice fields or family gardens, fixing some old jalopy of a farm tractor, giving the kids haircuts, keeping the dogs from killing the chickens, keeping the chickens from eating the asparagus in the garden, keeping the water buffalos out of the middle of the road, or just being involved in their most favorite pastime which is preparing and eating food. The village, being literally cut out of the jungle, is lush with trees of all kinds. Each family memberтАЩs house is surrounded by coconut palms, banana trees and various other fruit bearing trees.
Of course with Su and I being there, this stirred up a little more commotion in the village, as the kids wanted to see a real farang up and close, and the old timers wanted a reason to sit on a tree stump and look at something different for a while. In all seriousness, it was great fun for all.
Su and I stayed in his village for one week, with most of our time being somehow connected to our upcoming bonding ceremony. His parents took us up to the village wat twice in the early days for the purpose of receiving a blessing from the monks. I guess with all the problems Su and I have had leading up to this marriage, they figured weтАЩd need all the blessings we could get. We spent a consider amount of time just walking to each family members house to spend time chatting. Of course by chatting I mean Su and his relatives talking and me just sitting there with this stupid look on my face. Each family presented Su and I with a bowl of fresh fruit and/or vegetables from their garden. I spent most of my time during these meetings playing with the kids and the animals that I seemed to be able to communicate with on the same levelтАж55555
The actual ceremony took place in two stages. Believe me, I didnтАЩt have any idea how this thing worked and just had to go with the flow. The first part was a fairly long session with the monks at the wat. MoтАЩs mother and father were the only other people involved in this phase of the ceremony, and they carried gifts for the 4 monks in the ceremony which included four envelopes, each containing 500 baht which I had given them the night before. Su and I were situated in a kneeling position on a straw mat which had been placed directly in front of the small stage where the monks were sitting. After receiving our offerings, which of course involves a lot of walking across the floor on your knees and waiing, the monks were then served food. This really blew my mind. Here I was, after trekking all the way up to some jungle on the most important day of my life, watching 4 monks eating rice as if we were not eve in the room. Just joking, as I was familiar with this past of the ceremony ahead of time, but itтАЩs still a little weird.
Just as the monks were finishing their meals, I could hear a drum beating outside of the wat. The beats were very slow and produced a low bass sound. Maybe it was the intense heat inside the temple, or maybe the intoxicated feeling I was getting from all the burning incense, but for a split second I imagined King Kong bursting out of the jungle and swiping my wife up with his huge black hand. The really strange thing was that the very split second that the last monk was finished eating the drum beats stopped. Now, tell me how they do thatтАжclose circuit TV, or what?
The longest part of this session included the head monk asking Su a lot of questions. Several times Su would look over at me and smile, which, by the way, created a slight sense of paranoia considering the fact that maybe they were just going to kill meтАжjoking again!!! I have no idea what anyone was saying, although for some reason, I had this very comfortable feeling inside. The head monk looked over at me several times and seemed to covey a very warm feeling. After that part was over, the monks started chanting. After spending the last 10 years reading and learning as much as I could about Buddhism I should have understood what they were doing next, but I hadnтАЩt the foggiest clue. They were either chanting sutras or mantras. In either case, this lasted for about another 20 minutes.
After the chanting was over and wais exchanged, Su and I were handed a bowl of water which had been blessed by the monks. Admittedly, at this point things started to get a little emotional, as Su turned to face me, reached out and took my right hand, placed it over the water bowl and started dripping water over my fingers. I noticed that his eyes were beginning to tear up and wondered if his knees were killing him as bad as mine were killing me. He then hand me the bowl of water and motioned for me to do the same to his hand. ThatтАЩs when I just about lost it. I took his hand in my hand and made the mistake of looking up into his eyes again. This time he had tears streaming down and dripping off his chin, which resulted in a similar reaction from your truly.
After completing another series of wais to the monks, Su and I were led out of the temple by his parents. Again we were handed the bowl and instructed to drip the remaining water on the exposed roots of this strange looking tree which stood at the rear of the temple. Phase one of the ceremony was now complete and no broken bones yet.
I remember asking Su as we walked down the hill to his fatherтАЩs pickup truckтАжтАЭare we married nowтАЭ. He just gave me one of thoseтАж- you are being stupid again but I donтАЩt want you to know thatтАЩs what IтАЩm thinking тАУ type of smiles, and said, no, we will be married after the ceremony with the family this afternoon. I felt like kicking him in his ass. Here I am, a guy who was raised on the bustling west side of Chicago, being as humble and polite through this whole thing as I can possibly be, and itтАЩs just a given that I would understand all the phases involved with this Buddhist ritualтАжgive me a break. Anyway, I just smiled and said something brilliant likeтАжI knew that.
It was now 12:00 noon, and Su and his mother and several aunts starting preparing for what would be nothing short of a grand feast, while yours truly crashed for a three hour power nap.
The men in the family constructed a large camp fire right in front of SuтАЩs home, which besides the light provided by the full moon, would be the only light at the party. Su and I were married on Loi Krathrong Day (24 Nov) which made the event even more special for us and his family members. The weather was absolutely picture perfect with a slight cool nip in the wind and a beautiful full moon watching over us. The food that was placed on the bamboo deck connected to the front of Sus house could have graced the cover of a Thai cook book. They had prepared everything from grilled sea bass and barbequed chicken to fresh prawns served with a chili sauce, hoi cheng (fresh water clams), and a large assortment of fresh fruit.
There were somewhere between 60-70 family members present, which included SuтАЩs entire family, with the exception of a few of his fathers relatives who live in Chiang Mai and couldnтАЩt attend on such short notice. The elders in the family took their turns sitting next to be and just trying to be friendly in general. The kids, whose ages range anywhere from 2 to 15, kept crawling on top of me for a chance to be in one of the pictures that Su was taking.
Immediately following this feast was the part I almost forgot aboutтАжthe string tying ceremony. This, by the way, is the time where the couple who is bonding actually becomes married in the familyтАЩs eyes. Su led me over to the campfire where they had placed a large colorful straw mat and motioned for me to sit next to him. After we were both seated, his family members, one-by-one, beginning with the elders, starting tying white strings around our wrists. When they were tying the string to SuтАЩs wrist, I would hold his forearm, and vice versa when it was my turn to receive the string. The person doing the tying would sit directly in from of either Su or I, say a short prayer, tie the string, and then wai each of us when they were completed.
This session lasted almost an hour as every single family member, including the children, participated in this ritual. The last two people to tie the strings were SuтАЩs parents who I almost forgot about with everything going on. This was to be another part of the ceremony that got a little emotional. I held SuтАЩs arm as his mother sat in front of him and they both started crying simultaneously. It was just beautiful. To think, just a month earlier his mother wouldnтАЩt even answer his phone calls. I was happy for everybody at this point. By the time his mother got situated in front of me Su was actually laughing as he wiped away his tears тАУ pointing at my eyes which had already started to tear up.
HeyтАжIтАЩve got a tip for any of you guys who visit the Isaan region. Tie a bunch of white strings around your wrists. Seriously, the minute a Thai person spots these on your wrist you become golden in their eyes. ItтАЩs customary to wear the strings for 3 days and 3 nights after such a ceremony, and I can tell you that everywhere I went, regardless if it was in the village, or down in the town, the Thais immediately acknowledged the fact that I had been blessed and had received merit. The elderly lady who I buy my morning coffee and sweet roll from actually charged me less than sheтАЩs charged me in the past. I guess that means that the old witch has been over charging every time and felt guilty doing it when I was adorned with those white strings.. It kind of makes you wonder.
If you can read through some of my attempt to be humorous, you will understand just how important and significant this whole thing was for me. It was an experience of a lifetime, and with a little luck and a good tail wind, it just may last a lifetime.
Su and I spent a few more days with the family and then returned for our last visit to the condo Pattaya.. During our last week together we only went out on the town one night, and that was his opportunity to share the news with all his friends in Sunee Plaza. He tugged me from bar to bar showing off his strings as if they were a 2 caret diamond. His friends always reacted by letting out with one of those loud screeching sounds they make, followed by a rapid-fire series of questions. Su informed his friends, as I did my farang friends, that neither of us will be returning to Pattaya other than for short visits in the future. We spent the remainder of that last week together doing exactly what newly weds are supposed to be doingтАжfightingтАжno, just joking again.
SuтАЩs grandmother gave him a 10 rai piece of property which sits right next to his parents home which is where we plan to build a house in about 2 years time. For the next few holidays, he and I will lodge at the one-and-only hotel in Kantharalak where we can see the family, chase the dogs, feed the chickens, move the water buffalos and entertain the children.
WellтАжthatтАЩs that.
Mai pen rai
I just returned from Adventure # 18 and havenтАЩt been plugged in to the forum for the past two months. I can see that the name change game is still popular, although after scanning a few of the posts can see that the faces havenтАЩt changed at all.
In summary, my holiday wasтАжwell, how do I put thisтАжinteresting to say the least. I lodged at my normal roust at Chateau Dale, spent the first few weeks cruising the gogoтАЩs, ate my meals at pretty much the same restaurants, then, reunited with my boyfriend from my last holiday and ended up getting married. Well, that pretty much sums it up.
Before I blabber about the boring marriage stuff, let e give you my perspective on the scene in our beloved town of Pattaya. I never get too caught up with trivial things like bars changing names, police raids, restaurants going out of business, etc., because this is what Pattaya is all about. This place, unique to any other piece of real estate on the planet, survives by remaining in a constant state of flux at all times.
Some of the more noticeable changes that occurred during this holiday included the sale of the Clubbing Enterprise, which frankly, seemed like a good idea to me. Their Jungle Boy Club wasnтАЩt drawing any business, which may have resulted from the fact that you couldnтАЩt see any boys in the place with those bamboo walls obstructing any possible view. The hotel, which IтАЩve been told has great rooms, is better suited for a Boyztown location, possibly where that Thai/English Language Studio is located on Soi 1 with Throb, Splash and BoysBoysBoysтАж.huh!!! Eric, the X-manager of the Clubbing Restaurant, arranged some sort of partnership with SammyтАЩs (Sunee Plaza), and now serves his scrumptious food at an outdoor buffet in front of Sammys. The only thing IтАЩll really miss about these 3 Clubbing businesses is their parties. They had 3 great Grand Opening parties, one for each of these businesses, which of course, would end up being closed before the pig could be removed from the barbeque pit..
Kaos still seems to be the most popular gogo in the Plaza, although all the others were bustling with business every time I cruised by. The French have formed a well defined strategy for managing an evolving monopoly of gogoтАЩs in the Sunee Plaza area. This group of French entrepreneurs now control Kaos, Sundance, Look Bar (formerly Y2K), and the new Minue Ladyboy Bar, and the way theyтАЩve balanced these businesses is pure genius.; They moved all the ladyboys, most of which were just being a pain in the ass in their present locations, to the new Minue Bar. Then they loaded Kaos and Sundance with a mixture of boy boys, a few fem types, and even a few down right ugly dudes, and there you have it.
I spent my first few weeks in Adventure Land just cruising the gogo and bar scenes trying to find another shining star to share some romance with. As some of you may recall from my past ramblings, I had broken up with a boy who I was planning on marrying back in April 2006, and still at odds with him when I returned to LOS this trip.
Finally, one night as I was strolling down Soi Sunee I heard his voice calling my name. I hesitated momentarily before turning around as I had this deep feeling inside that the moment I saw him again meant the whole world was going to change around me тАУ and change it did. No hugs or kisses like our previous reunions. He just stood about 10 yards away from me and asked me in a sheepish voice, how I was doing. Prior to me returning to LOS this time I had received news that he (who IтАЩll refer to as Su) had been arrested for using Yabaa. I received this information about 2 months after returning from my last holiday, which meant there were two more months to go before my next return. The fact that he was caught using Yabaa, in-and-by-itself, was not the thing that blew my mind, it was the fact that he was supposed to be attending a beauty school up near his home in Si Saket which I was paying for. When he found out that I had been informed about his incarceration, and the fact that he was in Pattaya not Si Saket, he didnтАЩt even bother phoning me again. He knew that the gig was up and he didnтАЩt have a leg to stand on.
As a result of his arrest, he lost his job as a waiter at a popular bar, lost face with his friends, most of which were trying to get him to stay away from Yabaa, he lost me, and most the most impacting consequence of all, he lost the support of his family. Needless to say, he was really down in the dumps as he stood in the shadows confronting me for the first time since this incident.
During our brief conversation, I told him that I wasnтАЩt angry about him copping out the beauty school, nor was I angry about his being caught doing Yabaa, as these are the types of mistakes that people make in life. I told him that I was disappointed in him, especially the fact that he had deceived me. I kept this conversation very short and told him that I would like to see him again, although it would not be the same as in the past. I told him that I didnтАЩt want anyone staying with me in the condo full-time, nor did I feel it was a good idea for us to be seeing each other on a steady basis. I donтАЩt remember what his actual response was, but it was subdued and with teary eyes.
I walked away with a lump in my throat and an empty feeling in my stomach. For 2 ┬╜ years I have loved this guy to the point that I was going to bond with him for life, only to watch him walk away from me after having lost everything.
For the next two weeks I hung around with old friends in familiar places, and for the most part, was bored as hell. By then, I had heard the whole story about what happened to Su, from his friends. Of course they were all minimizing what happened telling me things like, he only came back to PTY for a few days and all he talked about was the Beauty School he was attending, he is not a Yabaa boy, he only do a few times with his friendsтАжhe loves you too muchтАжblahтАжblahтАжblah.. I even had two of his best friends, guys who IтАЩve known for several years now, visit me at the condo one afternoon in an effort to reunite the two of us. The bottom line was that Su had received an offer to work back on the gogo scene again, although turned it down тАУ not wanting to ruin his chances with getting back with me again. This story was confirmed by everyone who knew him.
I wanted to see him again, but didnтАЩt want to play any games. By games, I mean my games. I was either going to have to accept his wrongdoings and get back together with him again, or not. I was committed not to use these things against him and play the manipulating game, which would only damage our relationship more.
After seeing each other a few times it was apparent that we were going to end up being together all of the time. Yabaa or nor Yabaa, I wanted to be with him and he wanted to be with me. He agreed to return to see his family for a few days to face the problem he had with his parents head-on. I also wrote a letter to his parents, which Mim (NS Travel) translated to Thai script for me. In this letter I spoke honestly and clearly about my feeling for Su, the challenge we both faced, especially considering the recent problems, and the fact that I planned on supporting him through these difficult times, as long as he is willing to do the work.
Su returned to PTY a few days later and seemed like a new person. His smile was beaming from ear-to-ear. He said his parents and family members were willing to support him, and even took him on two trips to visit the village monk. Note that the Thais version of AA or NA is a little different than in the West. There are no 12 step recovery programs in Thailand, nor are there any books and information on the subject of drug or alcohol recovery, so these situations are commonly handled between the family and the local temple
The next few weeks were possibly the best days of my life. A year ago Su had had enough with the working scene and wanted to transition back to a semi-normal life with his family. This occurred at the same time that I was having my fill of the butterfly scene and wanted to find someone I could begin planning a future with. His hopping on a bus to party with his friends in PTY again, and then getting caught in a police raid with Yabaa in his urine, dislodged everything for both of us.
One afternoon we were just sitting on the sofa talking. He was going on-and-on about how terrible he felt about the mistakes he made, and right in the middle of one of his sentences, I interrupted him and asked him if he would marry me. His first reaction was a look of total shock. This was followed by a stream of tears flowing down his face as he mumbled the wordsтАжyes, I would like to do with you very much. IтАЩll leave out the really mushy part after that, but it consumed the remainder of the afternoon.
We invited his parents down to PTY to visit for a few days and chose this time to blow-their-minds with our plans. Like most Thais, they didnтАЩt say much at first, they just seemed to consume our words without showing any real expression. IтАЩd hate to be playing a game of Texas Holdem with this bunch.. We discussed our plans for both the short term and the long term, and of course wanted their blessings. On the evening of the third and final night of their visit, they informed Su that they were happy for both of us and would be willing to take us to the village monk where weтАЩd have to receive his acknowledgement and blessing as well. Note that Su and I had already visited this monk a year ago to not only receive his blessing, but to also receive his recommendation for the actual date of the ceremony. I remember posting a topic on this forum about 2 years ago which touched on the subject of Buddhism and astrology, and some wizard bursted into the thread saying that there was absolutely no connection between Buddhism and astrology. Well Mr. Wizard, if youтАЩre reading this now, stand assured that you are flat ass wrong. If youтАЩre going to bond with your Thai mate in a Buddhist ceremony, the date of the ceremony is decided by considering the birth dates of both parties, the paths that each persons star(s) is on during a given period, and most importantly, the relationship between the astrological star movements (paths) as they relate to each other. Also, for those who may not be aware, Buddhist monks do not marry people, they simply bless and acknowledge the merit of the two people who are binding. This is not a legal ceremony either, although, considered in Thai culture too be extremely important, and even more significant than having a piece of paper signed at a court house. When two people (gay or str8) participate in one of these ceremonies with the entire family, and in some cases, the entire village present, itтАЩs taken very seriously by all.
One week later Su and I were on the bus rambling toward our destiny. By the way, those who want to visit the Isaan region should really consider the VIP bus line which operates out of a small station on Sukhumvit Road in Central Pattaya. The VIP bus is ultra modern with fully reclining seats for comfortable sleeping, flat screen TVтАЩs where they show full length movies, fully air conditioned, etc. The cost for a trip from PTY to Ubon is 627 bt. Su and I caught the 8:30 PM departure, enjoyed a movie and a little snack and went to sleep. We woke up 6 hours later in Ubon. The total trip is 9 hours. They also have those seats where the center armrest folds up so you can stroke your boyfriends cock under the blanket with easeтАжnot that I would do that mind youтАжit was just a thought.
OKтАжback to my story.
SuтАЩs family lives in a remote village in the southern most section of Si Saket, with the nearest town of any size being Kantharalak which is 9 kms away. Like most Thai families, they live in a very collaborative arrangement where each family supports the well being of the other families by sharing food and other necessities, as well as contributing to the primary social structure of the village. Su has a large family with 3 grandparents, about 10 uncles and aunts, dozens of nieces and nephews, and a host of other small children who form an extended family. Believe me, it took me many trips to this visit to figure out who-was-who, as Su doesnтАЩt understand the English terms for aunt, uncles, nieces, nephews, etc., and relies on describing his relations like this: тАЬ That lady over there is the second daughter of the sister of my fathers motherтАЭ, Yeh, right! I just give them all silly little nicknames that I keep to myself.
SuтАЩs family village is really considered prosperous when comparing it to other villages IтАЩve seen in Isaan. Thanks to the diligent planning of one of the grandfathers many years ago, each family member now owns about 60 rai of land which is used mostly for farming rice and a few other green looking things. Most of the family member homes are large and well maintained with plenty of live stock roaming around. You think a place like this would be boringтАжnot a chance. Su has somewhere between 60-70 family members all of which seem to stay busy all day either working in the rice fields or family gardens, fixing some old jalopy of a farm tractor, giving the kids haircuts, keeping the dogs from killing the chickens, keeping the chickens from eating the asparagus in the garden, keeping the water buffalos out of the middle of the road, or just being involved in their most favorite pastime which is preparing and eating food. The village, being literally cut out of the jungle, is lush with trees of all kinds. Each family memberтАЩs house is surrounded by coconut palms, banana trees and various other fruit bearing trees.
Of course with Su and I being there, this stirred up a little more commotion in the village, as the kids wanted to see a real farang up and close, and the old timers wanted a reason to sit on a tree stump and look at something different for a while. In all seriousness, it was great fun for all.
Su and I stayed in his village for one week, with most of our time being somehow connected to our upcoming bonding ceremony. His parents took us up to the village wat twice in the early days for the purpose of receiving a blessing from the monks. I guess with all the problems Su and I have had leading up to this marriage, they figured weтАЩd need all the blessings we could get. We spent a consider amount of time just walking to each family members house to spend time chatting. Of course by chatting I mean Su and his relatives talking and me just sitting there with this stupid look on my face. Each family presented Su and I with a bowl of fresh fruit and/or vegetables from their garden. I spent most of my time during these meetings playing with the kids and the animals that I seemed to be able to communicate with on the same levelтАж55555
The actual ceremony took place in two stages. Believe me, I didnтАЩt have any idea how this thing worked and just had to go with the flow. The first part was a fairly long session with the monks at the wat. MoтАЩs mother and father were the only other people involved in this phase of the ceremony, and they carried gifts for the 4 monks in the ceremony which included four envelopes, each containing 500 baht which I had given them the night before. Su and I were situated in a kneeling position on a straw mat which had been placed directly in front of the small stage where the monks were sitting. After receiving our offerings, which of course involves a lot of walking across the floor on your knees and waiing, the monks were then served food. This really blew my mind. Here I was, after trekking all the way up to some jungle on the most important day of my life, watching 4 monks eating rice as if we were not eve in the room. Just joking, as I was familiar with this past of the ceremony ahead of time, but itтАЩs still a little weird.
Just as the monks were finishing their meals, I could hear a drum beating outside of the wat. The beats were very slow and produced a low bass sound. Maybe it was the intense heat inside the temple, or maybe the intoxicated feeling I was getting from all the burning incense, but for a split second I imagined King Kong bursting out of the jungle and swiping my wife up with his huge black hand. The really strange thing was that the very split second that the last monk was finished eating the drum beats stopped. Now, tell me how they do thatтАжclose circuit TV, or what?
The longest part of this session included the head monk asking Su a lot of questions. Several times Su would look over at me and smile, which, by the way, created a slight sense of paranoia considering the fact that maybe they were just going to kill meтАжjoking again!!! I have no idea what anyone was saying, although for some reason, I had this very comfortable feeling inside. The head monk looked over at me several times and seemed to covey a very warm feeling. After that part was over, the monks started chanting. After spending the last 10 years reading and learning as much as I could about Buddhism I should have understood what they were doing next, but I hadnтАЩt the foggiest clue. They were either chanting sutras or mantras. In either case, this lasted for about another 20 minutes.
After the chanting was over and wais exchanged, Su and I were handed a bowl of water which had been blessed by the monks. Admittedly, at this point things started to get a little emotional, as Su turned to face me, reached out and took my right hand, placed it over the water bowl and started dripping water over my fingers. I noticed that his eyes were beginning to tear up and wondered if his knees were killing him as bad as mine were killing me. He then hand me the bowl of water and motioned for me to do the same to his hand. ThatтАЩs when I just about lost it. I took his hand in my hand and made the mistake of looking up into his eyes again. This time he had tears streaming down and dripping off his chin, which resulted in a similar reaction from your truly.
After completing another series of wais to the monks, Su and I were led out of the temple by his parents. Again we were handed the bowl and instructed to drip the remaining water on the exposed roots of this strange looking tree which stood at the rear of the temple. Phase one of the ceremony was now complete and no broken bones yet.
I remember asking Su as we walked down the hill to his fatherтАЩs pickup truckтАжтАЭare we married nowтАЭ. He just gave me one of thoseтАж- you are being stupid again but I donтАЩt want you to know thatтАЩs what IтАЩm thinking тАУ type of smiles, and said, no, we will be married after the ceremony with the family this afternoon. I felt like kicking him in his ass. Here I am, a guy who was raised on the bustling west side of Chicago, being as humble and polite through this whole thing as I can possibly be, and itтАЩs just a given that I would understand all the phases involved with this Buddhist ritualтАжgive me a break. Anyway, I just smiled and said something brilliant likeтАжI knew that.
It was now 12:00 noon, and Su and his mother and several aunts starting preparing for what would be nothing short of a grand feast, while yours truly crashed for a three hour power nap.
The men in the family constructed a large camp fire right in front of SuтАЩs home, which besides the light provided by the full moon, would be the only light at the party. Su and I were married on Loi Krathrong Day (24 Nov) which made the event even more special for us and his family members. The weather was absolutely picture perfect with a slight cool nip in the wind and a beautiful full moon watching over us. The food that was placed on the bamboo deck connected to the front of Sus house could have graced the cover of a Thai cook book. They had prepared everything from grilled sea bass and barbequed chicken to fresh prawns served with a chili sauce, hoi cheng (fresh water clams), and a large assortment of fresh fruit.
There were somewhere between 60-70 family members present, which included SuтАЩs entire family, with the exception of a few of his fathers relatives who live in Chiang Mai and couldnтАЩt attend on such short notice. The elders in the family took their turns sitting next to be and just trying to be friendly in general. The kids, whose ages range anywhere from 2 to 15, kept crawling on top of me for a chance to be in one of the pictures that Su was taking.
Immediately following this feast was the part I almost forgot aboutтАжthe string tying ceremony. This, by the way, is the time where the couple who is bonding actually becomes married in the familyтАЩs eyes. Su led me over to the campfire where they had placed a large colorful straw mat and motioned for me to sit next to him. After we were both seated, his family members, one-by-one, beginning with the elders, starting tying white strings around our wrists. When they were tying the string to SuтАЩs wrist, I would hold his forearm, and vice versa when it was my turn to receive the string. The person doing the tying would sit directly in from of either Su or I, say a short prayer, tie the string, and then wai each of us when they were completed.
This session lasted almost an hour as every single family member, including the children, participated in this ritual. The last two people to tie the strings were SuтАЩs parents who I almost forgot about with everything going on. This was to be another part of the ceremony that got a little emotional. I held SuтАЩs arm as his mother sat in front of him and they both started crying simultaneously. It was just beautiful. To think, just a month earlier his mother wouldnтАЩt even answer his phone calls. I was happy for everybody at this point. By the time his mother got situated in front of me Su was actually laughing as he wiped away his tears тАУ pointing at my eyes which had already started to tear up.
HeyтАжIтАЩve got a tip for any of you guys who visit the Isaan region. Tie a bunch of white strings around your wrists. Seriously, the minute a Thai person spots these on your wrist you become golden in their eyes. ItтАЩs customary to wear the strings for 3 days and 3 nights after such a ceremony, and I can tell you that everywhere I went, regardless if it was in the village, or down in the town, the Thais immediately acknowledged the fact that I had been blessed and had received merit. The elderly lady who I buy my morning coffee and sweet roll from actually charged me less than sheтАЩs charged me in the past. I guess that means that the old witch has been over charging every time and felt guilty doing it when I was adorned with those white strings.. It kind of makes you wonder.
If you can read through some of my attempt to be humorous, you will understand just how important and significant this whole thing was for me. It was an experience of a lifetime, and with a little luck and a good tail wind, it just may last a lifetime.
Su and I spent a few more days with the family and then returned for our last visit to the condo Pattaya.. During our last week together we only went out on the town one night, and that was his opportunity to share the news with all his friends in Sunee Plaza. He tugged me from bar to bar showing off his strings as if they were a 2 caret diamond. His friends always reacted by letting out with one of those loud screeching sounds they make, followed by a rapid-fire series of questions. Su informed his friends, as I did my farang friends, that neither of us will be returning to Pattaya other than for short visits in the future. We spent the remainder of that last week together doing exactly what newly weds are supposed to be doingтАжfightingтАжno, just joking again.
SuтАЩs grandmother gave him a 10 rai piece of property which sits right next to his parents home which is where we plan to build a house in about 2 years time. For the next few holidays, he and I will lodge at the one-and-only hotel in Kantharalak where we can see the family, chase the dogs, feed the chickens, move the water buffalos and entertain the children.
WellтАжthatтАЩs that.
Mai pen rai