My friend with aids, need advice

hello

I have written something a few weeks ago, about my friend who got sick from aids.

http://www.sawatdee-gay-thailand.com/forum/my-friend-has-hiv-t12542.html#119285

He has moved to his home near yasothon, and stayed in the hospital. But now he told me they sent him home. Another friend of him told me he wanted to move the paper of his health card to yasothon, and the hospital in Bangkok refused, so he can not get the medicine anymore.

But unfortunately he can not move back to Bangkok, because he is very weak, so I am thinking about what can bee done.

Someone know how much the cost of the medicine would be if he has to pay for it? I am not in Thailand at the moment and it is very difficult or almost impossible to get real informations.


thanks
ballu

I can't help you with costs etc in Thailand Balu, but it is most important that your friend does not stop taking his HIV medication as the virus will become resistant to that particular medication. Medications to control the HIV virus work quite well as long as they are taken at the same time everyday without a break. Once the virus is under control and below 40 copies then missing one day might be OK but it's not advisable.
Good luck to both of you.

In Bangkok check for the Red Cross HIV Clinic which is located at corner Rama IV / Rachadamri, opp. Lumpini Park near Sala Daeng.

In Pattaya you might ask The Thais4Life Centre is located in Soi Yensabai Condotel (Look for bookshop!). Opening hours - 12.00 - 18.00 hrs Monday to Saturday - closed on Sundays.
http://www.thais4life.com

In Phuket ask Ulf from Connect Guesthouse in Patong for any further advice.

Don't be afraid of anything.

Death is part of live and for Buddhist's its the worst thing happening. Don't look at it from an western point of view, just be rational. Accept human faults. Be gentle, don't let your friend suffer! You need to be strong.

[krobbie]

Check with the Bangkok Hospital to see if there is a Patient Advocate there? This may be a Western concept only so don't shoot me.

There must be other services though that could work as intermediary between the hospital and your friend and as ttom suggests, The International Red Cross is probably your very best bet. Contact them closest to you where you live and see if they will liaise with Thailand IRC and BKK Hospital.

I wonder why the hospital won't release his file to your friends area in Yasthon? I am sure it is just a communication thing. They have nothing to gain by this. Perhaps only BKK handle all the meds?

Are you going to Thailand at all soon? You may be able to assist if you are.

Something needs to be done quickly. If he is already very week, he needs to get on with his meds and to ensure that someone is taking care of him and getting him to eat and bathe and all the everyday things that will make him more comfortable.

Is he on Thai generics or has he been in hospital getting the real McCoy? He may need a stint in BKK hospital.

There is another thread on the forum in regards another member whose bf is in a similar situation. I think his boyfriend also has to go the BKK Hospital to get his special meds. Not sure though. Check the board for HIV threads in the search area provided.

I have been HIV+ for 16 years. You can survive this thing.

Choc dee,
krobbie

Check with the Bangkok Hospital to see if there is a Patient Advocate there? This may be a Western concept only so don't shoot me.

There must be other services though that could work as intermediary between the hospital and your friend and as ttom suggests, The International Red Cross is probably your very best bet. Contact them closest to you where you live and see if they will liaise with Thailand IRC and BKK Hospital.

I wonder why the hospital won't release his file to your friends area in Yasthon? I am sure it is just a communication thing. They have nothing to gain by this. Perhaps only BKK handle all the meds?

Are you going to Thailand at all soon? You may be able to assist if you are.

Something needs to be done quickly. If he is already very week, he needs to get on with his meds and to ensure that someone is taking care of him and getting him to eat and bathe and all the everyday things that will make him more comfortable.

Is he on Thai generics or has he been in hospital getting the real McCoy? He may need a stint in BKK hospital.

There is another thread on the forum in regards another member whose bf is in a similar situation. I think his boyfriend also has to go the BKK Hospital to get his special meds. Not sure though. Check the board for HIV threads in the search area provided.

I have been HIV+ for 16 years. You can survive this thing.

Choc dee,
krobbie

Please note! The patiant is 1. Thai and 2. living in Thailand!
Clocks here turn often differently.

I've already exchanged private messages with Balu but I've not been that much help I'm afraid.

We both find getting accurate information a frustrating business.

I pay all my boyfriend's bills both medical and living expenses.

His medical bills are at least 6,000 Baht a month but sometimes more. But he's not typical as he has so many problems that he takes more than just anti-virals. It also varies as he is constantly changing anti-virals. So one month he will be on relatively cheap generics and then he will be put on more expensive branded drugs.

There are costs for blood tests and X-rays and he also has to stay in hospital for a few nights occasionally which can be costly. If he doesn't stay in hospital he has to stay in a hotel as it's too far for him to travel to and from his home in Ratchaburi in one day. I've not heard of the problems with transferring treatment from one area to another so I can't comment on that.

My boyfriend won't go to a local doctor as he wants to keep the number of people who know at a minimum so he has always travelled into Bangkok so his treatment has always been based there.

Unfortunately since my last post he's become rather ill again and is in hospital and has had to have fluid drained from his head. I'm again in that early stage of trying to find out exactly what is going on and why this has happened. Speaking to him he sounds dreadful so it's very worrying at the moment.

Very best wishes to Balu and his friend, I hope things will improve.

[krobbie]

Sorry I should have said 'one' can survive this thing.

I was aware that you were talking of a Thai person, not western and I do realise that 'clocks' (things in general) move more slowly than elsewhere, in most instances.

Glad you have been in touch with Kun Jon even if, he says, he hasn't been much help ... at least you know you aren't on your own, so to speak.

Let us know how you get on with The Red Cross.

I keep forgetting just how far some of you are from Thailand. I am just down the road in New Zealand which is only 11hours away , so I often forget just how helpless one can feel.

Choc dee,
krobbie

Thank you for all the answers.

At the moment I can not contact my friend again. Yesterday I have been talking with him for a few minutes, then we had to stop because the call was to much for him.
He say, nothing can be done. I am not Thai, and I know they culture has a different point of view then we in the west. But I can not accept this. There is a little bit hope, not much but as long he is alive I can not accept the answer: nothing can be done.

I am thinking goto see him very soon. But to be honest, I am not sure I really can. All this problems makes me mentally so sick, that I even have to take some medicine, to be able to do my job. And I have other problems too. But may problems are nothing compares to his problems.

thank you so much
balu

I just want to give an update on my friend with aids who lives in the Issan. I know I am not the only one with this problem, and I do also not let anything untried to help him.

My friend stays at the moment in the Isaan between Yaothon and Mukdahan. He lives in a house with one of his relatives, but they can hardly take the right care of him. So I am in contact with one of his thaifriend, I can really thrust, and he will go to visit him in 2 weeks and check put the situation

The main problem is, that he's papers for health scheme are registered in a hospital in Bangkok, and this hospital does not want to release him. But at the moment he can not go back to Bangkok, because his father want he stay in his hometown. The reason for this, I do not understand must be some thailogic.
He can get basic medication in yasothon, but it seem that they are on lower level then in Bangkok. And I am worried it is not enough.

Has anyone an idea, what whether there are some places around near yasothon, who could take care on people with aids?

I am just wondering if someone lives near there, and could have just to check the situation, if he does not know what to do?

balu

[krobbie]

Balu,
I am at a loss to know what you can do from afar. My first thought though, is that your bf is going to have to be uplifted from where his is currently and put in BKK hospital where he can be taken better care of. Dad will just have to deal with it. Surely he doesn't want his son to suffer?

Once he is stabilised and on good meds again or during his recovery, you might try to get him into the AIDS temple (Wat Phra Bat Nam Phu, 75 miles north of Bangkok)? I know they have a waiting list but perhaps for a case of urgency they may have a plan. They have also just opened a new clinic to treat and dispense good drugs.

http://www.aidstemple.th.org/

Do a google search for AIDS Temple Thailand and there is several sites to look at.

I wish you luck and am sorry I can not be more help to you.

Warm regards
krobbie

[Aunty]

The main problem is, that he's papers for health scheme are registered in a hospital in Bangkok, and this hospital does not want to release him.
balu

Get the friend to bribe the hospital in BKK to release your friend's papers.

[krobbie]

God you're good. I haven't got into that Thai way of things yet. You are of course absolutely correct.

Cheers

[kittyboy]

The main problem is, that he's papers for health scheme are registered in a hospital in Bangkok, and this hospital does not want to release him.
balu

Get the friend to bribe the hospital in BKK to release your friend's papers.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I don't live in thailand, however, I must agree that seems like the most direct and simple approach. Ah... the simple approach is sometimes the best... Pay for what you want.

[bing]

What you are trying to do for your friend is beautiful to hear. Not everyone is thinking only of themselves. Did I understand that you are taking medicine just to get thruough the day and be able to work. This is a big tap on the shoulder that you need to look at the situation with some fresh eyes. If you make yourself sick with worry, you are too close emotionally to the problem. You must stand back and see what you can do realistically and what you want to do and don't rip yourself apart with what you have no control over. It is easy for a disinterested third party to say take it easy, but the emotions are running high on your part. I hope you can take some time off and think of some other things for a few days. We don't want this problem to make you ill too, which, if you don't change perspective, will certainally put you on the DA list.

Bing:

You are right. Through all this I have some problems myself. Need medicine for sleep at night and so on. But compared with his problems, my problems are just peanuts.

Should he died, I am prepared for it, this is life. But as long as he lifes, I want to be a good friend for him an take care as much as I can. If i stop doing this, I can not look into the mirror for the rest of my life anymore.
Now you say i am crasy. You are right i belive this myself.

balu

Next weekend, 2 of my friend friends will go to see him in the Issan. After a very short phone talk today, he told me, his main problem is that he sometimes has even difficulties to get some food, because his village is far away from the next shop, and he does not have the possibility to buy some food.

So his 2 friends will bring him food and try to find someone in the village who we can employ to cook for him everyday.

But I think for a longer time the only solution is, when he can go back to Bangkok and can stay somewhere whit people who take care him and a doctor not to far away for periodicaly checks. Without this I have no hope he would survive more then a few months more.

I am looking now for any place where he could stay in Bangkok. I have asked the aidstemple in lopburi already if they can give me a address in bangkok, somethings like they do themself. But If have not yet get an answer.

It should be Bangkok, because there he has atleast friends and some family members, but they all have to struggle their own life. But if it is not possible in Bangkok lopburi would be a better option than in his village. Because his 2 friend can just go to see him in the issan once. they have their own jobs in bangkok, but got some days of to see for their friend.

thanks again for any input or advice
balu

Just want to make a last update for this topic.

My friend died today. Even after the problem with his healthcard was solved, and he got threathment there not seemed to be much hope. About a week ago, a friend of him called me an told me it is getting worse and he will die soon. Today his suffering found an end and he passed away.

i will never forget him.

balu

[Bob]

Should he died, I am prepared for it, this is life. But as long as he lifes, I want to be a good friend for him an take care as much as I can. If i stop doing this, I can not look into the mirror for the rest of my life anymore.
Now you say i am crasy. You are right i belive this myself. balu

Sorry to hear of his death. May he rest in peace. Above, I've noted a quote from one of your prior posts for the simple reason that it expresses, better than I can, that he was very fortunate to have you as a good friend. Condolences to you.

balu,
my sincerest sympathies. In any case such as yours there is little that can be said by anyone to ease the loss of a friend, but at least he had the small mercy of knowing that he was not alone and that genuine friends were doing all they could to help.

I find it difficult to find the right words.

I know how frustrating dealing with the problems of a loved one's illness at a distance can be and it must be difficult for you to have heard this news when you are so far away.

Another young man lost to this retched disease is so sad.

I've nearly lost my boyfriend so many times over the last two years. I still have him and know how lucky I am.

I know you will never forget your friend but I hope you'll find some comfort that the thoughts of others are with you and that his suffering is at an end.

Jon

[bing]

I don't know you but have great respect for you all the same. You are the definition of what a friend is. It is so easy to walk away when others are in need or to at least look the other way. You pitched your tent with your Thai friend and stuck it out to the end. I'm sure he knew you were his rock. Now, if you know he cared for you, he would want happiness for you as well. In his memory you live your life and be happy for his sake. He would never wish you sadness or unhappiness. I hope you can celebrate his memory always.

Thanks for all.
I am also very impressed about 3 of his friend. They take the long journay to his hometown tommorrow, more then 600 km from Bangkok, to join his funeral.
My trip to Thailand is sheduled 3 week from now. But unfortunatly I will be to late. Atleast I know lots of familiy members where there when he died.

balu

[bao-bao]

I hope you find some comfort in knowing that he's at peace and that you did the best you could do under the circumstances. Time will soften your grief and leave better memories in its place.

You may have read this in an older post of mine: my avatar is a photo I took at a spot near a village in Isaan where I said goodbye to a dear friend. When I can I return to the same spot, and I always feel peaceful and closer to them when I do. I hope you find a similar place when you visit in a few weeks to say your farewell.

I wish you and your friend peace.

[anakot]

Best of luck Balu

What you have done is a wonderful thing sticking by your friend.

Bob's posting of your earlier words sum up how a lot of us feel who make these choices. It is testament to the quality of your character.

All the best
Anakot

[Aunty]

I'm very sorry to learn of the loss of your friend, Balu, that is such very sad news. My thoughts and prayers go out to you and him and my condolences to all his family and friends who will no doubt be very much feeling his loss at this time. Let's just hope he's gone to a better place than this.

[globalwanderer]

My sympathies are with you. He is wandering for 100 days and if you want to talk to him do. he'll be looking down on you and will hear. I find talking to Oot regularly helps a little. When you get here go to the temple with his friends. I am going with Oot's Pattaya friends in the next couple of days

My deepest sympathies are with you at this time, Balu. As others have said, you gave of yourself what you could and there is nothing more one could ask. He will live in your memories forever and for that you can be thankful. You were part of his and I am sure he was thankful for that. Know that we all shed a tear with you in your sorrow.