Desperately Need Advice!

Sorry тАУ a dummy account for a serious question тАУ I have suspected my bf was messing around, and tonight I was snooping in his bag and found a packet of condoms. We do not use condoms.

What should I do? If I confront him he will know I was snooping, and I have not been an angel myself, but I have been faithful for over 18 months (weтАЩve been together 3 years) and we are planning on moving to Bangkok to live next year.

Relative to him, I earn a lot, much more than he could earn in his occupation and now I wonder if he really is just with me for my money.

I leave tomorrow for a 10 day business trip and really donтАЩt want this hanging over me when I am away - I donтАЩt know what to do and would appreciate advice.


btw - neither of us are Thai, we live in Russia, he is Russian and I am European.

[alipatt-old]

This is going to have to be your call.

At the moment the fact you going away for 10 days gives you the opportunity to discuss the expetations on your sexual behaviour when you are appart.

You could suggest that you have opportunities arise when you are away but you would not be comfortable having sex outside the relationship and does he feel the same.

Important to try to discover if it is just physical sex he is after or more.

Good luck

[jinks]

and found a packet of condoms. We do not use condoms.


That means to me that he is being safe elsewhere.

If the elsewhere does not bother you be VERY happy that he is being safe.

[Wesley]

I have worked with Russians now for Ten years and I know he Gay scene, I don't know of a more promiscuous lot on earth or ones that will lie to you any more over money than them. If you don't mind an open relationship its fine. If not go some where else to find love. I speak from ten years or working with them and sleeping with them and I cannot remember one that I would leave cash or something expensive easy for them to get even if they know they will get caught. Keep your debit card in the bed with you as well. Be sure if its an older versus younger relationship its not love its money or the security you can give him and a good F..k with another young stud will certainly keep him around as long as the money is coning in too. Try to tie him up and he Will leave and he will lie to you about what is going on. You need to look at the old socialist system was meant to get the man(Government) now you are the man not socialism. Have fun but don't fall in love. Asians in the surrounding Asian states are opposite of that in most cases. They are by far more family oriented and more likely to take care of their family that the Soviets.

Wesley

[Lunchtime O'Booze]

"...or ones that will lie to you any more over money than them. "

my mother was Russian ( although I'm Irish through a friend of my fathers)..what a terrible thing to say !.

mind she was a bit light fingered now I think of it..and she was a private detective..spent her life busting others while she had her fingers in the till.

can you describe your Russian friend a bit more accurately need_advice99 ..like age, looks , vital statistics, his tel number etc,so we can advise you accordingly.

[Wesley]

I was reporting accurately from personal experience, however, I do have a few Russian Friends who do have a western sense of Morality, When Talking the the Minister of Education for a documentary on the economic situation in the former Soviet states, I used the word Integrity. She being well spoken in English replied, There is no corresponding word to reflect the word integrity in the Russian language since the language has not developed ahead of the current culture. I would say that speaks for itself in this respect. However, some of the younger Russians are now beginning to understand there is a state of having moral integrity and no doubt, not all are alike. Its just that after many years I have found that even the Russian Church leaders are struggling with this issue. I have had to fire some church pastors from some schools for as you say, getting his fingers in the Till.

Wesley

.... some of the younger Russians are now beginning to understand there is a state of having moral integrity and no doubt, not all are alike. Its just that after many years I have found that even the Russian Church leaders are struggling with this issue. I have had to fire some church pastors from some schools for as you say, getting his fingers in the Till.

Wesley

I'm wondering if this is not a product of 70 years of Communist totalitarianism. And from your comment Wes, it looks like 15 years after the Iron Curtain was lifted the younger generation is starting to come about.
Its also interesting (if I may mildly chide you) that in your previous post you refer to the Russians as "Soviets". Do we still think of them in the old fashion? How long will it take for Russia to overcome its past -both in their own minds and in ours?
There is hope. After all, we don't still think of the Germans as "Nazis" do we?

I find it very hard to believe that a culture that can produce a work like "Crime and Punishment" doesn't understand the concept of "moral integrity".

[Wesley]

There are many that would like to go back to the soviet way of life, they are called soviets by their own counterculture, in as much as they still will not let go a job and money for everyone. They still do not understand Capitalism and don't want to. There are the younger ones who believe Education and hard work will change their Lives.

The statement about Moral integrity was not coined by me about the soviet way of life or the left over culture, It was a woman who has a doctorate in culture and education and was The Minister of Education for years who made the statement that the language has yet to catch up with the idea that culture and their thoughts Reflects their language buy in large and then their language reflects the thinking of a culture. I am not saying they are all bad and I have read most of their books seen Almost all of their museums and Shook hands with their president and stood on the platform while he spoke. I still do not understand them but I understand them enough I really don't wish to go back again for another year. Its almost like giving money to am alcoholic to buy lunch. I am actively working on moving to the Philippines and away from the former Soviet union. It is partially economics and partially I just hate the cold. At 55 its harder to take the -25 degree weather. Integrity is a state of being; honesty is an adjective to describe part of that state, and honesty is he only word that will translate the word well.├╖The Russian word translates as honesty and there is no other equivalent. The youth do seem to be more likely to possess this quality than their older soviet counterpart.

Wesley

I see the original plea is now 48 hours old. My advice is "get over it", especially as we have to assume that this newbie has already left on his business trip