Looking for a Thai BF in Pattaya

Do you think its possible to find a good Thai boyfriend who currently works as a go go boy or beer bar host (for a "serious" live in long term relationship)? Intellectually, I think, of course it is, they are just humans doing a job. But if you meet them playing the money boy role they play on the job, haven't you poisoned any future possible relationship from the start?

There is no problem finding a nice, handsome, caring Thai boyfriend. It would be wise to stay away from gay places. Just look around at regular shops, markets or concerts etc. Be patient and allow plenty time to learn more about each other. Make sure that you are not into butterflying….

I would rather look somewhere else, away from BKK, Pattaya or Phuket since all this places do have a certain reputation ..

But if you are looking for wonderboy, you need to have strong nerves, as everywhere.

Do never expect too much, it wouldn’t work anywhere. Gay habits are sometimes very strange.

Gayromeo.com is popular in Thailand. Make yourself a nice profile and make clear whar you are looking for, check daily and wait.

Well, the problem is that I live in Pattaya, and most everyone I meet, including online, has either a direct connection to the sex industry or has been corrupted by the mentality of it even if they don't work in it. So again is it possible to meet someone already corrupted this way, even a go go boy, and basically change them? Because when you first meet someone like that, you have to pay them like a go go boy. Won't they always see even a long term relationship as a really long off?

Well, the problem is that I live in Pattaya, and most everyone I meet, including online, has either a direct connection to the sex industry or has been corrupted by the mentality of it even if they don't work in it. So again is it possible to meet someone already corrupted this way, even a go go boy, and basically change them? Because when you first meet someone like that, you have to pay them like a go go boy. Won't they always see even a long term relationship as a really long off?

Even in Pattaya there are some fine gay people who are not corrupted by the commercial sex scene.

Take your time. Be sure that someone is already watching you.

And money is always and everywhere a topic, not just in Thailand.

Learn Thai (speaking, reading), learn as much as you can about Thailand. If you life there, you need to do it. Nothing else would be expected from a foreigner living in your home country.

Go around and smile a lot. It help’s a lot.

[Dodger]

The fun is in the chase.

DELETED

[krobbie]

As John said "Good luck, just keep your eyes open".

Let's face it ... all relationships rely to a large degree on trust. None more-so than in Thailand. I live outside Thailand but have bf who lives in the North East but is currently doing a course in BKK. No ... not intercourse ... well, I hope not!

Anyhow, I digress. He insists he has no time for sicialising let alone getting up to sexy stuff. As he said to me on the phone when I inquired about this very thing ... "I never lie to you before, why start now when you not even here".

He also asked if I was being as good as him? I started talking about the weather immediately.

Really ... he knows I am for him only.

Good luck to you Raksiam. Relax, you'll hardly feel a thing.

K.

Supervisor crossed my path actually in Pattaya at first.

He was looking at me and I smiled back. Soon after some small talk he decided that I would be just the one he has been looking for and joint me and I didn’t have had any objections.
I wasn’t looking for someone, and definitively not for any long term relationship.

There was not much of discussion. Supervisor just arranged a trial period; we where touring some parts of Thailand. I could introduce him to some parts of Isaan he never went to before. After about two weeks we finally ended up in Udon Thani.

It took two more days and some of his many brothers and sisters turned up at the apartment we’ve been sharing and took us both “home” for dinner. There wasn’t much fussing around.

Parents didn’t look at me. It just was as I would have been there ever since. I come and go at any time as I like and parent’s behaviour never ever changed. I know the do arrange all I need to feel comfortable without letting me feel it. The whole family is great.

Supervisor is easy. He involves me as much as he need into his work and planning’s. He is a good farmer and mostly very successful. I do help him sometimes to extend this farm land. We do discuss with family all topics around house and farm. And there are listening to my comments and sometimes would even follow my recommendations. Of course, I usually keep myself back since I am neither much of a farmer nor too familiar with local politics..

We started a nice house of our own but I wouldn’t like leaving his extensive Thai house.

He has his own bank accounts I know all about. We do have a joint bank account he uses sometimes if he needs temporarily cash but he is paying all back. I do have two own bank account he knows about and he could use in emergencies. He always informed me well ahead if he needs some money. I’ve never seen that he uses his own accounts at first but he knows that I don’t mind.

While working in Bangkok, there was no problem meeting someone nice just from neighbourhood or somehow work related. I have had several long time relationships with young Thai friends and I never regret any. There where always very good to me. I cannot remember any time we have had exchanged bad words. With some I still requently in contact. It seams that I am relaxed enough to mingle my lifestyle with Thai styles.

There where moments of unhappiness, but never ever with any of my Thai boyfriends.

Supervisor believes that most of foreigners in Thailand are simply crazy; they don’t now who to live. Since several years Supervisor is holding his own passport (he is to small for the army) but would not travel abroad to Western countries until there would be an urgency. I’ve asked him several times to join me but he found always an excuse to say no. His last one was that he needed to watch his cattle – something he never would do since this is the job father of a nephew if not mine ....

I do miss Supervisor any time he is not around me. It’s a crazy world.

I dont think you can have a real long term relationship with a thai boy if he works as moneyboy even he is "good heartt good mind good feeling".
You speak about love him speak about Take care, you speak about feeling he speak about survive, you speak about couple, he speak about family.
When you go your own country, what he do ? live with the money you send to him ? In the condo you pay ? drive the motorbike you pay ? wait your phone call on the mobile you pay ?
Why you want he try to find work like 7/11 for 5000 bath per month with 12 hours work per day ?
They are young, want a good life, and for them like for all the world good life mean money.
And if no take care him or no send so many money they have to do by themself, and the only way they know (and so easy) it's to find customers, maybe only for short time, but still the same moneyboy life.
they want to go disco, to go karaoke, to go to bowling, to go to see movie, and they need their friend know they have good farang. That mean more and more money all the time.
And for you even you want to believe in his words, want to trust him, want to share love, you will ask to yourself what happen if you cant send money or if you ask him no more customers, no more sex with others, and to love you for what you are and not what your wallet is big.
You can have a relationship with them, 1 year maybe 2 or 3, but what kind of life, what kind of project ?
For me to think you can have a real long term relationship with a moneyboy or to be real Boyfreind with him, you lie to yourself and you make him believe just dream.
Do same most of thai people take day by day and live it.... but no look too far.
No try to have western life or project with eastern people. and mix life and project are only hope and dream.
No so long from dream to nightmare, from smile to cry, for both of you.

[travelerjim]

I dont think you can have a real long term relationship with a thai boy if he works as moneyboy even he is "good heartt good mind good feeling".
You speak about love him speak about Take care, you speak about feeling he speak about survive, you speak about couple, he speak about family.
When you go your own country, what he do ? live with the money you send to him ? In the condo you pay ? drive the motorbike you pay ? wait your phone call on the mobile you pay ?
Why you want he try to find work like 7/11 for 5000 bath per month with 12 hours work per day ?
They are young, want a good life, and for them like for all the world good life mean money.
And if no take care him or no send so many money they have to do by themself, and the only way they know (and so easy) it's to find customers, maybe only for short time, but still the same moneyboy life.
they want to go disco, to go karaoke, to go to bowling, to go to see movie, and they need their friend know they have good farang. That mean more and more money all the time.
And for you even you want to believe in his words, want to trust him, want to share love, you will ask to yourself what happen if you cant send money or if you ask him no more customers, no more sex with others, and to love you for what you are and not what your wallet is big.
You can have a relationship with them, 1 year maybe 2 or 3, but what kind of life, what kind of project ?
For me to think you can have a real long term relationship with a moneyboy or to be real Boyfreind with him, you lie to yourself and you make him believe just dream.
Do same most of thai people take day by day and live it.... but no look too far.
No try to have western life or project with eastern people. and mix life and project are only hope and dream.
No so long from dream to nightmare, from smile to cry, for both of you.

Thanks SexyFrenchGuy...

Your advice and observations are SO SPOT ON..correct in many ways!

Welcome to Sawatdee Forum...and I look forward to reading more of your postings.

TravelerJim

[francois]

Do you think its possible to find a good Thai boyfriend who currently works as a go go boy or beer bar host (for a "serious" live in long term relationship)? Intellectually, I think, of course it is, they are just humans doing a job. But if you meet them playing the money boy role they play on the job, haven't you poisoned any future possible relationship from the start?

Absolutely! I met my Thai bf in a go go bar 7 years ago in Pattaya and we remain together to this day. But, as Sexyfrenchguy, says you must pay for this relationship. Not possible for the Thai to continue working in the sex trade. Do you want that? My friend works hard at a job but depends on money from me to enjoy life a little.

Recently I had a rendez-vous with a charming go go boy at Siam Boy in Pattaya who was looking for a compatible farang for a relationship. But there are many wolfs in sheep's clothing!

Francois

[Doug]

Some brag about their BF's job which gives them some independence and some money. If the BF is a farmer or in a small business or a student or whatever, this is good. He is not a "money boy." He is respectable.

Are we saying that the sex trade is not a business? Are we saying that a prostitution is not a job? Are we saying that a "money boy" is not respectable? Personally, I would never say any of those things. I have enjoyed a couple of longish relationships with boys from the sex trade and treated them as I would a boy in any profession. One of the boys left the trade while he was with me and that was fine. The other boy remained working at his bar and taking customers and that was fine also. It was his job. He seemed to enjoy the working conditions.

But being a sex worker is dangerous. I can think of many other jobs that are much more dangerous.

But sex trade is synonomous with drugs. These are two separate issues and you can find many boys who don't take drugs.

But they only want your money. Yes, that maybe true in the beginning but what is it they really want. Security. A home. Freedom from want. Some of the better thing in life. These are no different from the goals of any of us. My mother financially bleed my father dry for her material needs in a worse way than any money boy if known.

In short, we can seek a positive relationship anywhere and, if we're lucky find one somewhere. I would never limit my possibilities and every human is an individual.

Lots of very diverse responses, thanks.
Some confirming my pessimism, these kinds of relationships aren't easy to navigate.
If I did meet a bf who was a sex worker, personally I couldn't deal with him continuing to be a sex worker as I live here. I fully understand most of the financial support would come from me, but a full time kept boy situation sounds bad, so I guess I would expect him to do something legit for work just to be part of Thai society. I get the problem here. Here is this guy I supposedly care about and "forcing" him to work some boring crap job for peanuts, what kind of love is that he would think, and also likely he couldn't hack a straight job. Maybe that is kind of a parental love, thinking this would be better for him in the long term. Sounds problematical, almost acting like a social worker, not a boyfriend.

[globalwanderer]

ask me in 3 more months... just got through the 3 month anniversary

[Wesley]

I am not sure if its possible, I certainly hope so!

Wesley

[Impulse]

Well Raksiam,I enjoy your post,but I cant give any advice as Im not going to semi retire to Thailand for 6 years.I will be in the same position as you,living in Pattaya and looking for a boyfriend,but it seems an impossible situation. They all seem to be corrupted by the scene there.What Im wondering is how anyone living in Pattaya can have it work.I myself think I would get bored with the sex and start butterflying. My idea was to find one guy and not worry about safe sex,as my big fear is getting hpv,but Im afraid I probably already have it so maybe Ill just enjoy being a butterfly until it catches up with me and get cancer. Rocket(who is glad to see some uplifting responses to the idea of having a boyfriend in Thailand)

[TrongpaiExpat]

One of the problems I notice with many money boys turned boyfriend is that they keep assocations with those still in the scene. The average bar boy gets up at 4 to 6 pm. Goes to work at 8pm and at the end of the night 2am, they all go out for a communal dinner. Who ever had a short time pays for everyone. If there's more money, it's disco time, until 4am or until the money is gone. No concern for tomorrow.

The boyfriend has a steady source of income and the friends know that. He is forever being hit up for going to the disco, loans and emergency needs for money.

The former money boy has to make the transition from communal living to a one-on-one living arrangement that does think about tomorrow.