adman5000
August 3rd, 2007, 09:44
It started nearly seven months ago with my decision to venture out to some of the bars in an area I had not visited before on any previous trips. I had decided to visit 3 or 4 different places to sample the atmospheres for the first time. I was not really planning to off anyone. It was at the third bar where again none of the boys really did anything for me that I caught a handsome smiling face. It was not one of the dancers, but the face of one of the waiters talking with someone across on the other side of the bar. Every time I glanced in the general area, I was drawn to this smiling face in the shadows as he chatted with the person who I later found out was the owner. While one of the mamasans asked me if I saw any boys I liked and I replied тАЬnot yetтАЬ, I again met the smile that I could not tell was purposely directed at me or with the person he was talking with. It was the type of smile and face I liked, truly happy, content, and handsome.
Soon my waiter changed locations and this waiter moved closer near my table. Totally out of character for me as I do not freely buy drinks for others, I leaned over and asked him if he would like something to drink. He smiled, nodded, and quickly was snuggled against me in an unusually relaxed way. I had the strong feeling I had fallen for his plan. We had as much small talk as you can have next to dancing boys in a bar with loud music and I asked him if he would like to go with me. This was a first for me, picking up a waiter. He shyly nodded yes with a smile that seemed to use all the muscles in his face. Yes, I felt this had definitely been a plan and it worked on me. I asked the mamasan if I could off him, who informed me - yes, no problem. The boy had not changed positions, and was still happily leaning or more like laying on me like a big pillow. We quickly headed back to my hotel even though it was still a bit early in the evening.
We had some safe fun together and as the night progressed he informed me his friend was having a birthday party. Would I like to go with him? Again totally out of character for me since I am normally asleep for several hours already well before the planned departure time to this party of 3-4am, I surprised myself and accepted. I soon found myself at an all-Thai karaoke bar well off the beaten path meeting many of his friends and eating and singing together. He was all smiles and later told me he I surprised him by agreeing to go with him and that it had made him very happy. It was a fun time but by 6am I was feeling like I do when I get off the jet from the trip over to Thailand. It was time for some sleep so we both headed back to my hotel for some sleep. We stayed together for the next day as well. I tried to use my Thai and he tried to use his English and somehow we communicated quite well.
When it came time for me to depart to the next destination on my trip, he offered to go with me to make sure I found my way ok. Since I was going by bus to an area I had not traveled to previously except by taxi, I gladly accepted. So he returned to his room to pack a few things (very few things and I think some of the things he packed were his roommate's) and off we went to catch the bus. After a air-conditioned bus ride and a few more baht bus rides at my destination, we arrived at the beach resort. Over the next couple of days of eating, sleeping, and talking together I learned that he had had a boyfriend who he had broken up with because he found out the farang was married. I learned he had planned our meeting, hoping I would pick up on his smiling at me at the bar. He also told me he had spotted me on one of my previous trips passing on the street in a different area of town when he worked at another bar as bartender and remembered me. Sure enough, the location and timing fit exactly with a previous trip.
He continued to come by bus to visit me on weekends for several weeks as both of us worked during the week. He teased me because I would not hold hands in public during the daytime. I told him I did not want to offend, but he still always tried to do so, smiling the whole time. It was a different experience for me as money was never brought up and almost avoided. Many times he would in turn use the money for our taxis, admission, or drinks. But I knew how much he was making and made sure to take care of him fairly. I learned he didnтАЩt have a mother to send money home to, as she had died at his birth, his father had remarried and had his own children, and so he had been raised by his grandfather. He was very close to his grandfather and had many good stories to tell about how he was raised. Sadly, during one of our weekends, he got a call in the middle of the night from his family informing him that his grandfather had died. After some healthy crying, he was off to the family. He called to tell me he was going to be a monk for a week for his grandfatherтАШs merit. Later, he proudly gave me his picture as a monk at his grandfathers funeral. He also shyly wore a hat when he returned.
We had some great talks considering each others language limitations in the otherтАЩs language. He decided to try a different job in another city with some nearby family members which I quickly encouraged. It was a job with better surroundings and influences.
He was such a handsome kid. On more than one occasion, while he waited for me, I caught him politely declining an approach by some handsome Thai guy after they had intercepted each otherтАЩs gaydar. We talked about spending more time together when I returned in a few months. My long term goal was to live in Thailand for a considerable part of each year and to have a friend with me whose company I enjoyed. So far, so good, so maybe it could be with him.
About 3 months after returning home, after trading simple emails (mostly тАЬI love you very muchтАЬ and тАЬMiss youтАЬ), he told me he was going to the Doctor as he was feeling sick. Then it was a call that he was going into the hospital. A week later I talked to him and some of the family and took care of the hospital bill. (Yes, a real one because I talked to the hospital.) Before my return trip, he returned to his hometown to be taken care of by family. He told me he was sorry he could not take care of me on my next trip as he was still sick and taking daily medications.
When I returned to Thailand, my first trip was to visit him and his family. He had lost weight, was weak, and was much more quiet. I talked to him about his medications, found out how much the family was spending, and gave him enough to cover it. I also told him that if he needed anything or to go to another hospital, to call me. We continued to talk by phone and I had another friend from the same town call and talk to him as well. I knew some of the medication he was taking and what it was for, but it was unclear what the root cause was, and a lot of my questions went unanswered or I was told not to worry. Immediately before I left, I again traveled by bus to see him, spent two hours with him, found out he was now taking less medication, and gave him the money to pay the his medicine costs until I returned.
During the most recent call, he was very weak, not eating or keeping food down and headed to the Doctor. I didnтАЩt want him to waste his strength so after a brief chat, told him I would call back in a few days. When I called back, I got a member of the family who spoke no English. I then talked to one of them that spoke some English and learned he had died the day before.
I was happy to have known him and sorry that he had to suffer. At 23, he had a whole lifetime ahead of him. It had only been 4 months since he had become ill. I was also sad that I wouldnтАЩt get a chance to see what might have become of a further relationship. I did as much as I could given what I knew. I will certainly think of him when I go back to Thailand and hope to meet someone with half of his personality, looks, and affection. I am determined it is possible to meet someone there to spend a longer enjoyable time with. I have personally met and talked with some long time Thai/Farang couples. They are always fascinating stories that I try to learn from and remember.
Each culture and religion have there own views on death, I like this one that is from a Native American Indian prayer.
Hopi Prayer:
Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on the ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumnтАЩs rain.
When you awaken in the morning hush,
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quite birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there, I did not die.
I first wrote this story several weeks ago to mentally let go and prepare myself for my next visit. It was not an easy task to recall all the special times and look at the pictures. I will certainly fondly remember my friend, but life goes on. I then thought I would share it with readers here in recognition of all the advice, observations, and information I get from this board. I hope it makes you think about the enjoyable times you have in Thailand, your friends there, and reminds you to play safe. Best regards.
Soon my waiter changed locations and this waiter moved closer near my table. Totally out of character for me as I do not freely buy drinks for others, I leaned over and asked him if he would like something to drink. He smiled, nodded, and quickly was snuggled against me in an unusually relaxed way. I had the strong feeling I had fallen for his plan. We had as much small talk as you can have next to dancing boys in a bar with loud music and I asked him if he would like to go with me. This was a first for me, picking up a waiter. He shyly nodded yes with a smile that seemed to use all the muscles in his face. Yes, I felt this had definitely been a plan and it worked on me. I asked the mamasan if I could off him, who informed me - yes, no problem. The boy had not changed positions, and was still happily leaning or more like laying on me like a big pillow. We quickly headed back to my hotel even though it was still a bit early in the evening.
We had some safe fun together and as the night progressed he informed me his friend was having a birthday party. Would I like to go with him? Again totally out of character for me since I am normally asleep for several hours already well before the planned departure time to this party of 3-4am, I surprised myself and accepted. I soon found myself at an all-Thai karaoke bar well off the beaten path meeting many of his friends and eating and singing together. He was all smiles and later told me he I surprised him by agreeing to go with him and that it had made him very happy. It was a fun time but by 6am I was feeling like I do when I get off the jet from the trip over to Thailand. It was time for some sleep so we both headed back to my hotel for some sleep. We stayed together for the next day as well. I tried to use my Thai and he tried to use his English and somehow we communicated quite well.
When it came time for me to depart to the next destination on my trip, he offered to go with me to make sure I found my way ok. Since I was going by bus to an area I had not traveled to previously except by taxi, I gladly accepted. So he returned to his room to pack a few things (very few things and I think some of the things he packed were his roommate's) and off we went to catch the bus. After a air-conditioned bus ride and a few more baht bus rides at my destination, we arrived at the beach resort. Over the next couple of days of eating, sleeping, and talking together I learned that he had had a boyfriend who he had broken up with because he found out the farang was married. I learned he had planned our meeting, hoping I would pick up on his smiling at me at the bar. He also told me he had spotted me on one of my previous trips passing on the street in a different area of town when he worked at another bar as bartender and remembered me. Sure enough, the location and timing fit exactly with a previous trip.
He continued to come by bus to visit me on weekends for several weeks as both of us worked during the week. He teased me because I would not hold hands in public during the daytime. I told him I did not want to offend, but he still always tried to do so, smiling the whole time. It was a different experience for me as money was never brought up and almost avoided. Many times he would in turn use the money for our taxis, admission, or drinks. But I knew how much he was making and made sure to take care of him fairly. I learned he didnтАЩt have a mother to send money home to, as she had died at his birth, his father had remarried and had his own children, and so he had been raised by his grandfather. He was very close to his grandfather and had many good stories to tell about how he was raised. Sadly, during one of our weekends, he got a call in the middle of the night from his family informing him that his grandfather had died. After some healthy crying, he was off to the family. He called to tell me he was going to be a monk for a week for his grandfatherтАШs merit. Later, he proudly gave me his picture as a monk at his grandfathers funeral. He also shyly wore a hat when he returned.
We had some great talks considering each others language limitations in the otherтАЩs language. He decided to try a different job in another city with some nearby family members which I quickly encouraged. It was a job with better surroundings and influences.
He was such a handsome kid. On more than one occasion, while he waited for me, I caught him politely declining an approach by some handsome Thai guy after they had intercepted each otherтАЩs gaydar. We talked about spending more time together when I returned in a few months. My long term goal was to live in Thailand for a considerable part of each year and to have a friend with me whose company I enjoyed. So far, so good, so maybe it could be with him.
About 3 months after returning home, after trading simple emails (mostly тАЬI love you very muchтАЬ and тАЬMiss youтАЬ), he told me he was going to the Doctor as he was feeling sick. Then it was a call that he was going into the hospital. A week later I talked to him and some of the family and took care of the hospital bill. (Yes, a real one because I talked to the hospital.) Before my return trip, he returned to his hometown to be taken care of by family. He told me he was sorry he could not take care of me on my next trip as he was still sick and taking daily medications.
When I returned to Thailand, my first trip was to visit him and his family. He had lost weight, was weak, and was much more quiet. I talked to him about his medications, found out how much the family was spending, and gave him enough to cover it. I also told him that if he needed anything or to go to another hospital, to call me. We continued to talk by phone and I had another friend from the same town call and talk to him as well. I knew some of the medication he was taking and what it was for, but it was unclear what the root cause was, and a lot of my questions went unanswered or I was told not to worry. Immediately before I left, I again traveled by bus to see him, spent two hours with him, found out he was now taking less medication, and gave him the money to pay the his medicine costs until I returned.
During the most recent call, he was very weak, not eating or keeping food down and headed to the Doctor. I didnтАЩt want him to waste his strength so after a brief chat, told him I would call back in a few days. When I called back, I got a member of the family who spoke no English. I then talked to one of them that spoke some English and learned he had died the day before.
I was happy to have known him and sorry that he had to suffer. At 23, he had a whole lifetime ahead of him. It had only been 4 months since he had become ill. I was also sad that I wouldnтАЩt get a chance to see what might have become of a further relationship. I did as much as I could given what I knew. I will certainly think of him when I go back to Thailand and hope to meet someone with half of his personality, looks, and affection. I am determined it is possible to meet someone there to spend a longer enjoyable time with. I have personally met and talked with some long time Thai/Farang couples. They are always fascinating stories that I try to learn from and remember.
Each culture and religion have there own views on death, I like this one that is from a Native American Indian prayer.
Hopi Prayer:
Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on the ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumnтАЩs rain.
When you awaken in the morning hush,
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quite birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there, I did not die.
I first wrote this story several weeks ago to mentally let go and prepare myself for my next visit. It was not an easy task to recall all the special times and look at the pictures. I will certainly fondly remember my friend, but life goes on. I then thought I would share it with readers here in recognition of all the advice, observations, and information I get from this board. I hope it makes you think about the enjoyable times you have in Thailand, your friends there, and reminds you to play safe. Best regards.