urgent help required -thai funeral

[thanatorn-old]

Have received message that my BS has passed away after falling ill. What I am asking for is any info on how the Thai process works with regard to funerals etc- what is to be expected and what are my obligations likely to be. Quick reply qould be greatly appreciated as I obviously need to make travek plans. thanks in advance

Thai funerals/cremations take place quickly usually within a day or so. Your obligation is what you feel you want to do. If he has a family I would let them arrange everything and you just contribute as you see fit. i doubt that you would make it there in time for the funeral but if you are in contact with his family you may request they wait. My condolences to you. I have lost several friends there tho none have been a BS.

I might add that you should verify the facts. I would hate to think this is a ploy by his friends for money but I have heard of it being done.

In Bangkok, about 10 years ago, I met (Offed) a very lovely young man. I liked him, he was very sweet and I saw Num every day: until it was time for me to move on the CM.
The first two days Num was very quiet, subdued, always wore all black & left, apologetically, after about three hours. The third evening; he showed up in dark blue trousers, a red silk shirt and very different: lighter mood, happy--And very hungry. We had (Thai) dinner at Sphinx: rice, noodles & all the appetizers. He told me his room mate\friend had committed suicide (Because not happy with his life.) the same day, or day before (my Thai was minimal then, Num spoke a little Angrit.), I met him--But he may have said, 'week before,' and I misunderstood. He said there were days of mourning. [On which nights friends & family gathered to pray, with monks, I assume and (I looked this up.) they usually put garlands and a picture of the deceased on the coffin.] On the last day, the boy was cremated after which the proper attitude is one of happiness*: "Boy with Buddha," he said, as I recall.
[BTW: This was not an attempt to extract (more) money. Num did, however; say, 'He (was) lucky farang take him off now.' I suppose that meant his tips went to help his friend.]

I have a Thai friend in the city where I live. He told me that when he was a boy the morning period was a year and the body was not cremated until the end of of that year. He said the length of the mourning period reflects the status (Face) of the family, however; things are different now: only wealthy families can afford a body be kept that long, so the mourning period can be of any length; three days being the minimum among poorer families but, if they can afford it, it's usually seven days--And the body is often kept at the house. After the tsunami, some towns had a 100 day mourning period.

*Crying is bad form at the funeral. (The whole mourning period is the funeral.) as 'it bothers the deceased.' (Belief holds that bothered, restless, angry, unhappy...spirits become ghosts.) Monks say prayers to make merit for the dead: a thread may be attached to the coffin which the monks hold to make sure the merit is passed to the deceased (And not to someone else, I suppose.) and to protect the living from evil spirits: An angry deceased (At being dead, I suppose.) Written thins may be given the mourner but I don't understand the purpose: as a remembrance?... Or, also a 'merit thing.' maybe?
The body is cremated and the ashes put in the chedi (I think it's the chedi.). They don't attend festivals or celebrations during mourning.
There are also local customs and, if the family is Chinese\Thai other and\or different customs: I think the Chinese bury the ashes in the ground and there are different cremation goings-on like (paper) things being burned with the body.
Much in Thailand, has to do, more-or-less, with ghosts & spirits: spirit houses, raised thresholds--Especially those (separating) the bathroom--not wanting second-hand things [But why is second-hand gold okay? Or is it only their own they get (retrieve) from pawn shops?], mirrors on the outside of houses (Chinatown.), for instance.

[catawampuscat]

Without knowing the whole story, it is difficult to advise you. How did you find out about his death and how long ago did
he die? Does he have family and if so are they taking care of the funeral? How long did you know the boy and were you
providing him with his income? A million questions and each situation different.

Do what is in your heart or what you feel compelled to do? Assuming it is a long trip and expensive and maybe you have
to leave a work situation or have other commitments, would the trip strain you financially or threaten your work?
Lots more questions needed to be answered to give advice and advice is only worth how you value the source of the advice
and on an open forum it is really impossible to judge.

I did have a friend whose bf died suddenly and the farang could not leave work but when he finally returned to Thailand, he
met his bf's wife and children, whose existence was a shock to him, as he believed his bf was gay.

I helped pay for a boy's funeral because his parents did not accept his lifestyle and the costs were minimal. The coffin was white
cardboard and the refreshments and money for the monks and the Wat is not expensive by Western standards. I played a
role in the funeral and was very moved by the experience and could not hold my emotions fully in check as a beautiful
25 y.o. man hung himself over a lady boy jilting him. It was a three day affair with the cremation on the third day and the
whole funeral cremation helped me with my feelings of grief and loss. The passing of time is often the only answer.

[dab69]

immediate plane tickets are very costly but a discount can be had for funerals.
think you have to fly standby?

my sincerest respects for you at this time of great loss

[bao-bao]

May the happier memories of your friend ease your grief, and may he himself be moved forward to a better life as he begins his new journey.

My avatar photo here is of a place I said goodbye to the spirit of a dear lost life, also. A few thousand baht provided a simple coffin and the basic ceremony expenses, donations, etc. While you may stand out in the gathering of friends and family, your participation will be appreciated and respected.

I return to the spot whenever possible. Keep his memory alive in your heart... it helps.

Best wishes to you.

[thanatorn-old]

Thanks for the info and kind messages. It really does help. I have managed to get more info on the whole thing and now feel ready to do what i have to do with regards to the next few days etc. Thanks again it really is great that you have all responded with kind words .