leaving to visit b/f family in North for 1 st time.

Hi, I am leaving London on 27th to see b/f in BKK. after seeing each other for 2 years I have been invited to visit his family north of Khon Kane. we are spending new year with his parents and older brother and sister. we have visited many countries together in the Last couple of years and had 7 or 8 holidays together. Not sure if my b/f is str8 or gay and do not think his parents know he used to work in a bar in BKK.

we will be staying in hotel in KK before traveling to his village. this way I can get some sleep after long flight and some sex before we go visit family. I have seen photos of b/f house and looks ok but none of the luxury of a western style hotel. so will be fun>>>>??????? I will act as my b/f friend from the west. i do not know what his parents will think. I have met his brother at thai boxing match in BKK before (hes str8) and have chatted to his parents on the phone and his sister too. but not sure what they will make of me being a friend of their son.


My ex b/f of 5 years took me to meet his mother many Thimes before but he was 100% gay and proud. this will not be the same for b/f. I'm 38 years so not a massive age gap, hes 24 years. I guess be even western standards I'm considered to be rich farlang, well doing OK so not sure what their reaction will be.. Ive heard i will get well treated in village and my b/f has been planning this trip for 4 months. i want him to look Good and will let him deal with all money matters, so he keeps face, and i have said we will not show full effection whilst we visit.

we are there for 3 days and any advice would be welcome. think i could spend most of my time fending of b/f's sister
who is looking for a farlang. I guess their not stupid and have some suspicions why i am with my b/f.

happy Xmas. guys

Take lots of baht as you will be expected to pay for the party and any outings you do as a family (of course the whole village will be invited also).

[Boxer]

Enjoy it and find your own level with BF advice do as he advises. Take a few things to carry you over like snacks and stuff. It wont cost the earth but a great time to be had. It's cold up there rememer at present.

You will be stared at a lot - even poked and prodded at by kids and might get the odd marriage proposal from a girl.

Once the kids get over their initial shyness they will want to follow you everywhere - you become an uncle to many. Sometimes a crowd will gather to watch you eat and to share any alcohol you will pay for.

Do you know what type of house his family has? If its a typical thai village house you wont be getting much sex lol. (Unless you venture into the jungle for a hidden quickie.) Take some toilet paper and whatever survival foods/drinks you find essential /need ( teabags/coffee/sugar/toilet paper etc). Find out right away where the nearest shop is and stock up with bottled water/soft drinks ( local water will make you ill unless you are lucky)

Can you ride a bike? No taxis!

All in all you will have the best or worst time of your life. Make it past the first 2 days of culture shock and like me you will probably think you have found heaven.

Take some small gifts for immediate family. BF will guide you as to what they like. Dont drink local hooch unless you have an iron stomach!

Have a great time - i envy you!

[TrongpaiExpat]

There have been many posts about the cost of these home visits, some say a lot of money others not much. I guess it's best to set a limit.

It's a little strange being the center of attention for just being a farang. They don't ask questions about your sexuality but might ask about your job, salary, age, weight and how much you paid to fly to Thailand.

For some reason many of the older Thais will present to you Thai girls that do not have boyfriends. The presentation is not unlike what you get in any mamasan in a bar. They just ignore that your with your boyfriend. Some of the girls will be quite young. Just smile a lot.

One of the neighbors came up to me and asked in Thai if I though her daughter was pretty. I said, yes, very. The old lady then took my hand and put it on her daughter's hand. The mother then left us alone. I called the BF to help me and he just laughed.

Then the same thing happen again, this old lady presented what could have been her granddaughter to me. Asked me the same question. This time I said best I could in Thai, that she (the old lady) is the one who is very beautiful. She liked that and sent the young girl away and put her head on my shoulder. The BF laughed again.

You have to eat their food. I was the second farang to have visited this village in their recent history. The other farang was a Swedish fellow that brought his own food, cheese, bread and imported beer. He would not eat the food presented to him on the communal table. They did not like him.

They all watched as I drank some Lao whiskey that was given to me. I downed it and did not reach for the water. They all applauded like I had just played Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata on a violin using my toes.

Just make sure that you boyfriend is always near you. Before you arrive at his place tell him to buy some food and drinks (it will set you back between 500 and 1000 TBT).

You will find all Thai people very friendly, very helpful and kind. They do not keep many secrets. Don’t worry if something is looking very rough – the Thai social system is very well tuned, there is nothing without reason behind.

In order to avoid any misunderstandings, you should explain to him on your way to his home how much you are willing to spend so he can calculate the budget. Make sure that you spending are at low key. Let him know that for extras he should inform you.

Don’t take much cash with you, and use smaller banknotes (50, 100, 500). Money is a topic in many ways but of a fare less importance at it looks like. Cash is always short, even with well off families.

Make any payments thru your boyfriend only (so he can balance that everybody is getting a fare share). If you see there is some need for extras, you can do it at best just before you are leaving, again thru your boyfriend only and while his parents are around.

Just explain to your friend what you like and what not. Be open with it, there is no problem at all but you will avoid any confusion. Do not expect any special treatment.

Explain to him that your having a sensitive stomach, there fore you can only drink bottled water and can eat only food which is cooked with bottled drinking water. Make sure that cutlery is very clean, just wipe is extra if you like. Take some Imodium acute with you which can be bought at any pharmacy for about 30 TBT. At the Thai pharmacy buy some mosquito repellent but only some which is made in Thailand (the local beasts are start grinning about the others and bite).

Take some good books with you and read. Let the people do there daily work. Sleep a lot, where and where you like (this is not impolite but you let people know that you are feeling safe and homely). Smile a lot and be patient.

Take the gang out one day for a trip to some park or so. Ask your boyfriend for advice. Pay for some food, petrol and some small gifts for the kids.

Take plenty of photos of the kids or people who are asking for. Ask older persons before you tae of photo. They will come by same self after a short while.

Smile a lot. You will love it.

I enjoy every minute with my family even mum is ignoring me totally but keep sending kids to me with freshly prepared food, water and good knows. She never talked to me or smiled. My darling mentioned once she likes my very much and might start crying silently as soon as I a leave our Isaan farm house even for some days.

Even after several years, I get still my daily share of usually very lovely surprises.

sound like quite an adventure. My b/f has been talking about this trip for months. i think it is big deal for him. Hope my stomach last out. am going straight from Sofitel to village so expect quite a shock i guess. Ive worked overseas a fair bit India, china, Thailand, so think the shock will be OK, sleeping could be an issue. i only sleep 6 hours max. most Thais Ive ever come across could sleep 18 hours a day, so wish me luck 2 day count down. I can not believe I am getting nervous. I think his sister will be biggest problem. I assume my b/f will marry at some point and have kids so hope he is not trying to marry me off to his sister, lol, see you later will report back.

sound like quite an adventure. My b/f has been talking about this trip for months. i think it is big deal for him. Hope my stomach last out. am going straight from Sofitel to village so expect quite a shock i guess. Ive worked overseas a fair bit India, china, Thailand, so think the shock will be OK, sleeping could be an issue. i only sleep 6 hours max. most Thais Ive ever come across could sleep 18 hours a day, so wish me luck 2 day count down. I can not believe I am getting nervous. I think his sister will be biggest problem. I assume my b/f will marry at some point and have kids so hope he is not trying to marry me off to his sister, lol, see you later will report back.


Of course it is a very exiting experiment for your boyfriend too. He trusts you very much otherwise he would not invite you to his family. As you may assume, the livings standards in rural Thailand are not quite similar as yours at home or at your present accommodation.

For his family it is also a very big event. Many people are eyeing you, your friend and his family very closely. Yu will be introduced to many people like family friends and relatives or teachers. It’s easy, just smile politely. They all and foremost your boyfriend can loose face very easily so everybody will try to give you a true but honest impression.

I don’t now where you are heading too but in many parts of Thailand is having a foreigner as partner is similar like winning the jackpot. It is not just the money involved, there are also accelerated possibilities interpreted into this kind of relationship.

At the beginning with my darling we went to his places for two days and then we went for some trip somewhere easy he would like to see but never did. We came back after three days again and we did stay a further couple of days. First time it was just getting used to the faces, next time it was like being a part of the family but not guest anymore which I felt more comfortable with.

Every time we are going home I send him to buy some food and drinks. Thankfully neither the family nor I am into heavy drinking. We share some beers after work or in the evenings which are to be bought randomly by everyone who is having some Baht to spend. We do pay slightly more but that’s not any problem. I didn’t see any alcohol like Thai brandy or any other whisky.

You will get asked many questions. This is not just curiosity but for the family and there friend it is very difficult to position you socially. There is not other way to find out. Thais are quite open about same self therefore it is no problem with discussion more ore less any topic. Don’t be shy but I would not consider it very wise to show off (home, car, income and there like). Please, do never ever make any false promises you will or cannot keep.

Be honest to your friend but respect his decisions. And be sure about the fact that he is most likely jealous like crazy. I order to avoid any trouble just look together at boys and if I come to flirts, just remain him: Looking makes appetite – food is at home…

Do never argue with you friend if other people are around or while you with him at his place. You can be pretty certain that he is working very hard in order to satisfy you and other around. Just trust him even you don’t like or understand what he is doing; the explanation for will follow sometime and you might be ashamed about for having been fussy at some sort. Just relax. Try to make friends with sisters and kids. Smile a lot any don’t be shy making a fool out of you at some time – it is very much OK as long as it makes people smiling.

It is a lovely way to learn a lot about Thailand. You will come back as a different person, probably happier. You will be probably amazed about the amount and frankness of young gay people in rural areas.

Thailand is lovely, and very different from Sunee Plaza, Boys Town, or Patpong.

[dave_tf-old]

well, I lost a long post into the inter-ether...most of the good advice was already given anyway.

Most important things I said...be mindful that public displays of affection are not 'polite' in Thailand in any instance...so absolutely let him take the lead in that respect and don't grope. It doesn't really matter how you are introduced...just let him do the talking. If you have concerns, talk as much before hand about them as possible, but also remember any 'fears' he has are much more important. It is his family, after all.

I was introduced as a friend of his boss...not entirely untrue, but not the whole truth. That's his business, and thiers to accept or not...not yours. Your 'job' is just to be polite.

Don't necessarily expect any kind of formality in getting acquainted. I found myself mostly just being available (outside of mealtime) for people to approach me sitting and smiling, or for me to approach others walking about. Other than that, most people seemed to just go about thier daily lives. That was a bit disconcerting, but perhaps preferable to being besieged.

I hope you have a great time, and can find time to report back after it's all over. I believe, as long as you are not a sourpuss or a total tightwad, they will like you and you will like them...some more than others in both directions, as is true in any situation.