December 15th, 2006, 18:08
Friends I was visiting wanted to watch the Leno Show last night ... Or was it the night before? I lose track of time when I'm having fun, or gin; meaning: I never have the foggiest whut th'-hell week tis!
Anyway; I fell asleep soon after to monologue: Dakota Fanning: the next Dru Berrymore, with a case (Another) of the cutes. Someone should give `er a pint of flipping Everclear--And a chain-saw to play dollies with!... but then I awoke to a horrible clatter! I looked at the telly to see what was the matter--And what to my wondering eyes should appear but Dame Edna; with her hair down, in a bare midriff calypso bra, singing an Acid Rock! Christmas Carol: Hark the Harold Angels Sing!, I think it was...I didn't get much of it; it blew my hearing aid...er...ear trumpet...right out of my head and into the water!
I waited until the song had finished to retrieve the crap-ass tin ... gold heirloom ... from their piranha aquarium.
While applying the tourniquet--To my neck--they informed me it wasn't la Dame! it was someone named Twisted Sister! I'm glad someone twisted `er--And I think that song's certainly what turned the weather lousy!
Today they called to tell me I owe them a piranha. Cuddles died of alcohol poisoning during the night.
I guess I had Dame Edna on my mind after we saw her in a movie a few days before.
She was playing an actress ... there's a stretch ... in a dickens of a thing...Dickens thing ... about two boys who were in love ... running away together--And so much hand holding ... but didn't know it. The adorable one died and the other cutey married a fish they told me was Ann Hathaway. Duh! Who cares about the fish?... And, 'considering it was set in the mid 19th century;' I asked,' what's Abe Lincoln's girl friend doing in England but they told me to shut up and eat my gin-for-pudding.
Last night I finally got it up! The damn tree. I'd only just turned it on the when I had five gentleman callers. The last two were cops. They told me the 500 red lights in the window were okay--But the one over the door had to go.
Today I must undress Christmas cards drop them at the Post Office (I must remember to invite the cute Niponese postal clerk over to have a little nip--Me; have little nip: him. I may break out the zombie rum and make rum balls ... If he's not ticklish!) and need go to the La Liquor Store ... One-stop-shopping and don't even need wrap it. Wrap it, hell! The trick is to keep the blessed stuff in the bottle!
Merry Christmas to All You Ba-itches!!!!
Anyway; I fell asleep soon after to monologue: Dakota Fanning: the next Dru Berrymore, with a case (Another) of the cutes. Someone should give `er a pint of flipping Everclear--And a chain-saw to play dollies with!... but then I awoke to a horrible clatter! I looked at the telly to see what was the matter--And what to my wondering eyes should appear but Dame Edna; with her hair down, in a bare midriff calypso bra, singing an Acid Rock! Christmas Carol: Hark the Harold Angels Sing!, I think it was...I didn't get much of it; it blew my hearing aid...er...ear trumpet...right out of my head and into the water!
I waited until the song had finished to retrieve the crap-ass tin ... gold heirloom ... from their piranha aquarium.
While applying the tourniquet--To my neck--they informed me it wasn't la Dame! it was someone named Twisted Sister! I'm glad someone twisted `er--And I think that song's certainly what turned the weather lousy!
Today they called to tell me I owe them a piranha. Cuddles died of alcohol poisoning during the night.
I guess I had Dame Edna on my mind after we saw her in a movie a few days before.
She was playing an actress ... there's a stretch ... in a dickens of a thing...Dickens thing ... about two boys who were in love ... running away together--And so much hand holding ... but didn't know it. The adorable one died and the other cutey married a fish they told me was Ann Hathaway. Duh! Who cares about the fish?... And, 'considering it was set in the mid 19th century;' I asked,' what's Abe Lincoln's girl friend doing in England but they told me to shut up and eat my gin-for-pudding.
Last night I finally got it up! The damn tree. I'd only just turned it on the when I had five gentleman callers. The last two were cops. They told me the 500 red lights in the window were okay--But the one over the door had to go.
Today I must undress Christmas cards drop them at the Post Office (I must remember to invite the cute Niponese postal clerk over to have a little nip--Me; have little nip: him. I may break out the zombie rum and make rum balls ... If he's not ticklish!) and need go to the La Liquor Store ... One-stop-shopping and don't even need wrap it. Wrap it, hell! The trick is to keep the blessed stuff in the bottle!
Merry Christmas to All You Ba-itches!!!!