To be or not to be compassionate

[allieb]

I can't believe whats just happened with my ex BF.

1 He had another farang supporting him for all the 3 years we were together until I found out

2 He kept his HIV + status secret from me for 2 years whilst meanwhile encouraging unprotected sex telling me I was the love of his life.

3 I cut him loose and didn't contact him for 6 months

A lot of people encouraged me to be compassionate after the waiting period when I tested negative. He gave you many good times was the most popular response and he is sick and your are not. Having stepped back for a while I came to the same conclusion

Three long phone calls to ex bf and two long emails over the past month and what do you think. Ex bf hits on me today with an email asking for money even though he is still with the other farang who is financially supporting him. I am now sorry I ever spoke to him again The bottom line of this story is don't be compassionate It shows a sign of weakness.

The bottom line of this story is don't be compassionate It shows a sign of weakness.Don't be too hard on yourself, allieb. I applaud and support you in your decision to get back in contact with him after some deep soul searching. Now the proper thing is to walk away, knowing without a doubt that you've done all you can as a positive, supportive friend. Try not to be drawn into any negativity of the situation.

May your next relationship be all that you want/need!

[Aunty]

The bottom line of this story is don't be compassionate It shows a sign of weakness.Don't be too hard on yourself, allieb. I applaud and support you in your decision to get back in contact with him after some deep soul searching. Now the proper thing is to walk away, knowing without a doubt that you've done all you can as a positive, supportive friend. Try not to be drawn into any negativity of the situation.

May your next relationship be all that you want/need!

I ditto what bkk gwm said. The guy (your ex) is a douche bag. You found out the hard way but at least you found out. It's time to walk away and get on with your life. You were a business deal to him. So if he asks why?????, just tell him, from your point of view, the profit margin no longer suits.

I can't believe whats just happened with my ex BF.

1 He had another farang supporting him for all the 3 years we were together until I found out



Join the club !! You're not the first and certainly won't be the last !! :blackeye:

[Dodger]

aliieb...

I'm also sorry to hear about your situation.

How compassionate would you have felt if you had in fact tested positive? That's exactly how compassionate you should feel right now. Maybe the next farang won't be as lucky.

I'm also a compassionate person - I just say "no" a lot when they ask for long-distance money.


mai pen rai

No more money!! Goodness knows how many hes asking.

From bitter experience i know some guys have a large list.

[bao-bao]

allieb, I'm truly very sorry your friend has joined the ranks of victims of our modern-day plague and I certainly hope you've been spared infection yourself.

Everyone does what they feel they need to do to support themselves. If you come right down to it, I'd say ALL of us have prostituted ourselves at some level for some job somewhere along the way. This guy was doing what he's learned is "how to get along", and, to a great degree, we're responsible.

As one (long) example, consider this:

We as Westerners -- on holiday or whatever -- more or less arrogantly bully our way into a beautiful culture, establish businesses dependent on the naivet├й of a people simpler than ourselves (such as gogo clubs), inundate the shopping areas with glass and metal homageтАЩs to name brands, saturate the media on all levels with the same commercial drivel most of us are numbed by, bring in a ghastly smorgasbord of Western тАЬfoodтАЭ corporations who begin to work their dark magic on the locals, making sure they, too, want to be diabetic, and/or grossly obese тАЬSuper-Size-meтАЭ slaves, turn them into тАЬConsumersтАЭ at any cost...

...and then wonder why they act like Euros or Americans.

Yes, some of this is invited in willingly, but I'd bet it's by people already corrupted by it. It's that good ol' "American" way of life: you know you want it, you know you believe it, and we're going to force you to agree or you'll die why we're trying.

Hmmm, I think I've just summed up our foreign policy!!

If you have any feelings for the guy, do what you can without resenting it. IMHO that's the kindest thing to do.

I can't believe whats just happened with my ex BF.

1 He had another farang supporting him for all the 3 years we were together until I found out



Join the club !! You're not the first and certainly won't be the last !! :blackeye:

allieb not many will written about on a open forum but most off us have a similar story ! I never take a option to be the only farang ( not any more ) , in my opinion they all " same same ", money comes first then the family, friends, the dog... farang friend get about place 23 on there list.

I am not surprised he comes back in a mail and tell you what it's all about ! " Supporting ".

I hope your friend not makes you frustrated in Thailand, the people and you go back whit a lot more " mai phen rai ".

Your lucky not having HIV . :bigsmurf:

Told you so.

Curious; why you don't just block his e-mails?

He'll quit wasting his time and money (?) sending e-mail; you'll quit stewing over it.

.. do we hear these sorts of stories? An episode from my past bears repeating (and I should say I wasn't involved emotionally - he was just a good root). I had a bar boy staying with me for a week, and he would get onto the Internet every day to check his Hotmail account. Frequently he would ask me for help in understanding what his many patrons were writing and made no secret to me of what was going on. They all knew he continued to be a bar boy, but as far as each and every one of them was concerned, they were his boyfriend and all the other guys were "customers" that he had to have because they weren't able to send him enough money (as he kept telling them). I remember one day two Americans (he did them both, together) wired him some money via Western Union - but didn't tell him how much. When he went to collect it, he found it was either $50 or $100 - and he was pretty contemptuous of the amount. He's currently being supported full-time by a Swiss guy and part-time by the two Americans, chats on the Internet in gay.com and wants 3,000 baht a throw. And he's well past his sell-by date although still looking good

[bucknaway]

This has little to do with the topic but I want to share it.

One year... I was on the bus to Pattaya with my 2 friends from the USA. We met a cute Thai guy who told us he was going there to stay with his friend. I pegged him as a money-boy and tried to communicate that to my friends but they thought him to be a friendly guy.. no more and no less.

Once we were on the Baht-bus, it was agreed he would come with us to the beach after we checked into our rooms. Once we checked in, I was able to tell my friends that I thought he was a money-boy. Once I told them they made me feel as if I was slandering a very nice and friendly guy.

I figured they would find out and I wondered if I was going to have to handle all this when it is time to part company. I decided that if I did I would give him 300 baht and no more. I came to that amount from the posts that some of you guys have posted on other boards and felt it would be fair.

So we go to the beach, we feed him and give him anything he wanted from the chair staff. I joked with him and enjoyed his many lies and contradictions. I simply smiled and said nothing... I joked with him about money-boys and he joined in on it. I joked about the tricks I knew they pulled and he told us some of the tricks he knew of them pulling. During that time he was most at ease and seem to be one of the group....

We went to Exxit bar and he drank his fill. My friends then lost interest in him and it was up to me to handle things.... I thanked him for his time and wished him well with his friend. He understood this was goodbye and gave me the "How do I tell you that you owe me money" look. I already had his 300 ready and blindly reached into my pocket and pulled out the money and gave it to him. He counted it and asked for more. I smiled and repeated some of the tricks he told me that money-boys use that matched what he was doing.

I told him that 300 was very good for him for 3 hours time plus drinks, plus food, plus drinks. I joked that he should tip us hehehe... He looked sad but I assured him he would get no more from me.

Later that night he found me and complained he was late and his friend go to Bangkok and he had no place to stay and needed money for hotel. I told him to try to find place to stay and if he not able to find I promise to get him a room.

Later that night he found me and told me he needs a room. I told him to follow me so that we can get him a room. He followed but asked many questions. When I told him we were going to the Welcome Plaza Hotel and I would pay for his room he began to walk slower and then stopped. He asked me for 50 baht and I said no and walked away from him.

I told my friends all about it when I saw them later that night. They then told me he found them and asked them for money but ran away when he saw me approaching...

I have heard so much from the guys in giving me advice. Many Thai have given me advice on Farang, how they use them, why they force them to pay more and on and on. I don't know for sure why so many share with me on that level but I just consider myself lucky, I listen and I try to show them the same level of personal respect and kindness and personal thoughts/opinions that they have shown me.

[bucknaway]

It just came to me.... I know why I posted what I posted.... The point of my post is.............................

Go with your gut... Think about it. When has your gut feeling ever let you down?

Go with your gut... Think about it. When has your gut feeling ever let you down?

Spot on! The times I've gone against it are the times I've been sorry.