September 7th, 2006, 10:10
For years you have suffered, the shame, the indignity, the stares, the snickers, the embarrassed silences when you enter the room. Werewolves only get like this during a full moon, YOU are cursed permanently. However, being hairy is not as bad as you may think, I quite like my hairy chest, when trimmed and neat. The real curse is the thick hair that runs over my shoulders and down my back. The other day, I cried тАШenough is enoughтАЩ, but what to do about it. Electrolysis - A permanent solution but expensive. Waxing - IтАЩm a cry baby and have seen the тАШForty year Old VirginтАЩ having his chest waxed and that put me off any kind of waxing for life. So, I was left with creams or mouses. DonтАЩt be embarrassed when you get to the counter in your local drug store or pharmacy and you have a can of тАШhair removerтАЩ in your basket. Just add in a few other essentials like petite condoms, lube, hemorrhoid ointment, dandruff shampoo, breath mints/freshener, incontinence pants and foot deodeuriser and youтАЩll find that the store assistant doesnтАЩt even raise an eyebrow when s/he comes to pick up your can of hair remover. I opted for тАШVeet Hair Removal Mousse with MoisteuriserтАЩ.
I guess its easier when you have someone to assist in the application process, but being a shy old thing I opted for the nekkid in the bathroom, back to the mirror approach! The mousse, thankfully, was a spray version and with just a few dislocations I managed to get it roughly applied all over my shoulders and back. There was the odd rogue spurt hitting the back of my head, chin, door, mirror, floor and ass, but nothing to worry about. However, make sure you wipe these odd misfires up quickly as they either stain or bleach (carpets, doors, towels) or, as intended, remove hair, as the hairless spots on my ass can testify. Apparently you should avoid applying to nether regions. No explanation was given as to why hair should not be removed by this process from your private bits, but I opted against testing out the results.
10 'tingly' minutes later, I entered the shower, sponge in hand and began to wash away 40 odd years (well 25 or so adult years) of back hair growth. My back felt smooth, had it worked? The drainage was blocked with light brown hairs, it was working! Five minutes after that I stood, back to the mirror, neck craning this way and that, yes it had worked, smooth as a babies bottom ..... with the exception of one line running across the middle of my back like a misplaced, overgrown uni-brow. Damn! Still, a couple of dislocated shoulders later, a clogged up razor and a stiff neck, and I was plucked clean.
I had shaved my chest once and couldnтАЩt bear the nekkid feel and looking like the pale, plucked, overstuffed goose hanging in the butcherтАЩs window in тАШScroogeтАЩ. This time though, I liked it. No unsightly hair. A smooth back with no pimply razor rash. Of course, next thing to figure out is how often I have to do this and when the slight prickly feel of regrowth will begin to irritate, but, for now I just want to show my hairless back off to the world. Now, if only they had a fat removal mousse that worked just as well!
For other hairy Marys who are afflicted and ashamed, get to the chemist and get that mousse and donтАЩt be the sole werewolf on the beach. Next time IтАЩm gonna get a nice little sun god to help me apply and wash it off though.
I guess its easier when you have someone to assist in the application process, but being a shy old thing I opted for the nekkid in the bathroom, back to the mirror approach! The mousse, thankfully, was a spray version and with just a few dislocations I managed to get it roughly applied all over my shoulders and back. There was the odd rogue spurt hitting the back of my head, chin, door, mirror, floor and ass, but nothing to worry about. However, make sure you wipe these odd misfires up quickly as they either stain or bleach (carpets, doors, towels) or, as intended, remove hair, as the hairless spots on my ass can testify. Apparently you should avoid applying to nether regions. No explanation was given as to why hair should not be removed by this process from your private bits, but I opted against testing out the results.
10 'tingly' minutes later, I entered the shower, sponge in hand and began to wash away 40 odd years (well 25 or so adult years) of back hair growth. My back felt smooth, had it worked? The drainage was blocked with light brown hairs, it was working! Five minutes after that I stood, back to the mirror, neck craning this way and that, yes it had worked, smooth as a babies bottom ..... with the exception of one line running across the middle of my back like a misplaced, overgrown uni-brow. Damn! Still, a couple of dislocated shoulders later, a clogged up razor and a stiff neck, and I was plucked clean.
I had shaved my chest once and couldnтАЩt bear the nekkid feel and looking like the pale, plucked, overstuffed goose hanging in the butcherтАЩs window in тАШScroogeтАЩ. This time though, I liked it. No unsightly hair. A smooth back with no pimply razor rash. Of course, next thing to figure out is how often I have to do this and when the slight prickly feel of regrowth will begin to irritate, but, for now I just want to show my hairless back off to the world. Now, if only they had a fat removal mousse that worked just as well!
For other hairy Marys who are afflicted and ashamed, get to the chemist and get that mousse and donтАЩt be the sole werewolf on the beach. Next time IтАЩm gonna get a nice little sun god to help me apply and wash it off though.