My b/f want to marry and take me to meet hs family.

after a 5 year relationship with a Thai boy whiched finished last year (boredom mainly) i met a new boy (from a bar in BKK) seem genuine enough given there circumstance. we have had a few holidays together, CM,BKK, Krabi, Hong Kong. we get along great a good laugh i give him a monthly allowance any tip good when I'm in Thailand,, we chat on phone a lot, email and msn msg. he speaks good English, 23y/o sex is great and company good too. I'm meeting his family in the north in \new year, already met his str8 brother, b/f is str8 i think has had g/f before. but is a great man2man.

hes talked about marriage in passing twice now, Ive just brushed of the question. not sure my meaning of marriage is his? can you help. I am pretty sure he will move to the north when he can afford to do so, and i guess he will marry and have kids like most Thais. some advice from those more experienced appreciated.

[bucknaway]

I am wondering why you did not tell us what you want?

So far what do we have

A bar boy who went on trips with you, receives an allowance from you and is not repulsed by you. If this is all you need for happiness then go for it. But don't look at it as being married, consider it a long term "off".

Now if I found the right bar boy who enjoyed my company and my money and I could afford him then I would live the fantasy of a relationship. Why not? He gets what he wants and I get what I want.

Just consider the truth. That when you buy things in the red light district, it is most likely going to be as fake as that 800 baht Rolex.

hes talked about marriage in passing twice now, Ive just brushed of the question. not sure my meaning of marriage is his? can you help. I am pretty sure he will move to the north when he can afford to do so, and i guess he will marry and have kids like most Thais. some advice from those more experienced appreciated.

If I had to hazzard a guess, I'd say his meaning of the word marriage is: "I'll move to the north get married have kids and jingmith's money will pay for ALL of it."

[catawampuscat]

Marriage, like many things means different things to different people..First of all, it means nothing at all to the straight boys except money..The
gay boys may want a gold ring (my first b/f and I got matching ones), a party perhaps blessed by a monk, legal entanglements involving your money, condo, house, or just a verbal committment..

I bought the gold rings and thought a party would be nice but the b/f (gay for sure) only wanted the ring.. Years later, he still has the ring and I was surprised it didn't get pawned or sold.. Believe me, you don't want the extended family over your house/condo for a long visit and everyone in the family needs dental, medical, educational or some other needs paid for.. You better have deep pockets and great patience if you only have one bathroom...
:cat:

Deep pockets. with plastic linings!

[Blueskytoday]

I understand all the guys who have B/F's...It is good for those who want it and it works out for them...
It is all about money,,one way or another, it is always money..YOU will pay for the boy, regardless of what it
is and the family will LOVE you....because your pockets will be full (until you pay for everything they might need, along with the boy friend.. For me, life is simple..a b/f WOULD be nice,,however,,as all know, the Sea in Thailand is wide and deep, so many fish to catch..yes money is paid, but no complications. Meet the boy once or often, pay your fee to the boys,,enjoy without the hassles of being with the b/f..If one lives in Thailand, different story to be with one guy...Returning to your home, revisiting Thailand once or twice per year,,,guys are plain DUMB if they think the ex-bar boy is sitting in his room watching tv and playing the internet..He is at the bar for his next trick pick-up, until he knows the date his overseas love will visit for another 10 days....Sorry to sound so against having a boy friend...Life is just simpler without....Enjoy either way...and be happy with your choices...

[Dodger]

jingmith...

My relationship with Boy Special has just hit the five year mark. Unfortunately, or fortunately, which ever way you look at it, our paths are about to seperate.

The only real substance that held our relationship together was my desire to have something (someone), who by all standards of logical thinking, would not even crawl between the sheets with me if it weren't for the money, which simply blurred my vision. Evan if I apply the most basic of prinicples that the Thais themsleves believe in, that thing called DESIRE is the root of all suffering, and I find this to be a true fact of life.

I've done the money thing...taken him on long trips...met the family...got the grandmother drunk...discussed the possibilities of marriage, and yes, like your previous BF, he still wears the ring on his finger evan after the split up. All I can tell you is that you'll have to learn on your own. Just like to road to success in life is an individual journey - so is the road to despair.

I still love him (always will) but have decided to put things into perspective, and not just for my own good, but for his as well. Right now he's back working again and he doesn't like it, although it will provide him the opportunity to find a farang who's willing to support him financially for the long term, which, unfortunately, he's going to need. He had the opportunity to leave the working circuit, attend English classes at my expense, live in a home which I would have purchased , and possibily gone on to owning his own small business, as these are the plans that I had for his (our) future. His downfall, again depending on which way one would interpret this, was his DESIRE for the Pattaya night life, and the life style of the glittery working boys. That magnet was just too strong of a force for him to battle...and I can't say that I blame him, as it's the very same magnet that has forced my own personal path to stray from reality - to a road paved with the compulsion for my DESIRES.

In the short term our DESIRES were both being met...but the moment we started our long-term plans the realities of the so-called relationship took control. So, having said that, my solution, regardless of how much I try to block it out, becomes amazeingly simple...just stick to the short term.

I plan to see him again in a few weeks when I return to Adventure Land, only on the basis of the value I place on our friendship and the high level of respect that's cultivatyed between us, but not as a continuation of the dillusion I've allowed myself to be digested by in the past.

My plans during this upcoming holiday, which are usually as dynamic as the wind, are aimed at trying to find a guy who is not involved in the working circuit, who is also a bit closer to my own age. I don't mean real close to my real age, just a bit...LOL. I don't plan to make this a regimented task, just a hope for the future. In the mean time, I'm sure I will enjoy my holiday being the carefree Butterfly that I've always been, and just hope the wind will guide me to the right flower one of these days.


mai pen rai

[TrongpaiExpat]

Not all Thai boys are alike but in generality they watch too much TV, two TV's is good advise unless you take to Thai soaps and game shows. They do not plan for the future, or even give it much though. They will sleep all day if allowed.

Once in a Farang relationship their world turns upside down. Friends and family tap him like a waking ATM. Family can not be refused and if you refuse friends long enough you loose them. You suddenly get very popular, being asking out to the disco most every night. Even if your farang is not there, hes there in Proxy and when the bill come, it's yours. Sharing, a long honored Issan tradition, takes on a whole new meaning.

Sticking to a set amount and ignoring the sick bufflow stories is good advise.

[sjaak327]

Not all Thai boys are alike but in generality they watch too much TV, two TV's is good advise unless you take to Thai soaps and game shows. They do not plan for the future, or even give it much though. They will sleep all day if allowed.

Once in a Farang relationship their world turns upside down. Friends and family tap him like a waking ATM. Family can not be refused and if you refuse friends long enough you loose them. You suddenly get very popular, being asking out to the disco most every night. Even if your farang is not there, hes there in Proxy and when the bill come, it's yours. Sharing, a long honored Issan tradition, takes on a whole new meaning.

Sticking to a set amount and ignoring the sick bufflow stories is good advise.

Hmm a generalisation isn't it. I have a Lao boyfriend, with loads of Thai friends, they sure don't see him or me as a walking ATM. Actually sharing has the same meaning, If I go eating at Phra Rama IX for instance, everyone tips in (not just me). And I have never heard any buffalo stories, or moterbike accidents stories either.

[TrongpaiExpat]

"Hmm a generalisation isn't it"

Yes, a generalization.

But,

"If I go eating at Phra Rama IX for instance, everyone tips in (not just me)"

Might be more of an exception.

[bao-bao]

I had to smile when I read sjaak327's ending comment about never having heard a water buffalo or scooter accident story, because I did once - and unfortunately it was true.

A number of years ago I learned in an email that a friend's brother had been in a serious confrontation with an automobile while on his motor scooter, and the auto won. The brother spent a few weeks in intensive care after a couple of emergency surgeries and a few more weeks after that in the hospital proper, running up a huge number of charges that ended up being nearly $15,000 USD.

To his credit he never asked me for any money. When I went back to visit a couple of months after his brother came home from the hospital he was still taking liquefied food through a tube in his nose. Without telling my friend I went by the hospital on my way back through town and paid what I could on the account. They were thankful and didn't ask for any more.

Anyway - it just kind of tickled me... every so often the stories are true!

Hmm a generalisation isn't it. I have a Lao boyfriend, with loads of Thai friends, they sure don't see him or me as a walking ATM. Actually sharing has the same meaning, If I go eating at Phra Rama IX for instance, everyone tips in (not just me). And I have never heard any buffalo stories, or moterbike accidents stories either.

You mean you haven't received this letter from Noi of Soi Twilight? :compress:

http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/2101/2321/1600/dearjohn.jpg [/img]

I guess the only answer is to go with your instincts, the members of this board do not know your specific situation or know the guy concerned. If you like the boy, if you want to continue seeing him, if you can afford it, then why not keep on doing the same that you are doing. However, if he speaks good English, then you may wish to sit down and have an open and honest chat with him. Ask him about what he wants from the time spent with you, does he want a wife and kids, does he want you to move to Thailand and set up house with him, what is his definition of 'marriage'.

I posted recently on the board and received many thoughtful replies from the board members. The main thread of comments came back as 'figure out what you want and then be honest with the guy'. More sensible advice I could not have asked for. Indeed, speaking with one seasoned Thai guy in Pattaya before I left, he mentioned that times have changed in Pattaya, he finds too many Farang are cynics and hypocrits. He said he is a 'good boy' and doesn't tell 'sick buffalo' stories, but he hears Farangs talk about this all the time with each other but fail to mention how they (Farang) tell lies and make fake promises to Thai guys. If your guy is a good guy he will probably appreciate an open discussion on your future and will appreciate you asking him about what he wants. Further he will also appreciate you being clear on what you want and what you are prepared to offer to the relationship.

Very best wishes for the future whatever happens.

[catawampuscat]

Several boys have told me that it is taken for granted that farangs are liars... new boys are warned not to believe what the farangs tell
them and experienced boys have been lied to many times.. The realities of financial responsibility hit home when the farang returns to his
country and forgets his promises and assurances to the boys.. The boys lie , the farangs lie... what else is new??