Bringing New Comers Up to Speed on Thailand?

[cdnmatt]

I have a really good friend, 26 years old, and is heading to Thailand for the first time. Trying to bring him up to speed on things, so let me know what I'm missing here:

Two biggest things I have are -- Don't say anything about the monarchy, and if anyone begins professing their love of the King to you, just smile and nod. That, and don't show anyone the soles of your feet. If you have some cute dude laying on the floor watching TV for example, and want to get to the other side of him, walk around him. Don't step over him because you might really piss him off. I remember Kim almost kicked the shit out of me a couple times for that.

Aside from that, everything is fairly trivial as he's just going to be a tourist so everyone is going to expect him to be a naive, white slob anyway. Other things I have though are:

Dress respectfully when you go out, meaning long pants and a nice buttoned shirt. Don't wander around in basketball shorts and a wife beater.

Never get angry, because it's not going to get you anywhere. Always remain calm, cool, and respectful as a little respect goes a long way there.

Who you are matters more than what you are. Karma is a big part of life there, and being a kind, good hearted person gets you a long way.

Three most important phrases you need are "mai bpen rai", "leaoy dtee kun" (up to you), and "kaawp kum mak kap" (thank you very much).

People believe in reincarnation, and view this as just one of their thousands of lives before they reach nirvana. understanding this perspective helps quite a bit.

If you rent a house, food waste goes out every day. Maggots show up really quick in Thailand (see below for funny story).

If you rent a house, neighbors are going to give you food. Could be as simple as a banana and some 3-in-1 coffees. Return the favor, as food sharing is a part of the culture there.

If you get hitched with a cute guy, know that you're not just entering a relationship with him, but with the entire family. His parents are always going to come before you, as kids there are expected to help take care of their parents and elder family members.

Don't be an idiot and wai go-go boys or other young guys. Wai a monk if you come across one, but other than that, don't really worry about the whole waiing thing.

A little generosity to the security guards at your hotel goes a long way. If you're just going to 7/11 to grab some stuff, once in a while ask them if they'd like a couple beers. They'll remember it, and take better care of you.

Don't feed the elephants. They're babies, and are supposed to be in the jungle with their mom.

Don't fall in love with the first cute guy that jumps into your lap (he's looking for a long-term relationship). There's definitely genuine guys out there, but 98% of them that you meet just want your wallet.

If you goto Pattaya, believe nothing of what you see or hear. It's not real, and is basically just a massive red light district. Granted, it's great fun and setup for your personal pleasure, but just don't allow yourself to get sucked into it.

There's other things, but I can't remember right now. Please add yours. What am I missing?

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And funny story that I only rememberd a couple days ago while chatting with my friend. One day in Khon Kaen at first we had a large open garbage can, and one morning I noticed there were tons of maggots in there. I freaked out, and ran upstairs to wake Kim up and tell him the horrifying news. He's hungover, doesn't care, and isn't getting out of bed.

So I rush over to the little mom & pop store just beside us and grab a can of bug spray, then proceed to empty it into the garbage can thinking it would kill the maggots. Didn't work, and instead just pissed them off and they began crawling out of the garbage can all over the floor.

Now I have hundreds of maggots crawling all over the kitchen floor and am totally freaking out. Run back upstairs to get Kim, but nope, he's hungover and ain't moving.

I hop on the internet and Google "how to kill maggots", and it tells me I need boiling water with permetheum (sp). I think to myself, "fuck yeah, I think I got some" as I had dogs and hence special flea and tick shampoo for them. Check the bottle, and sure enough, it contains 1% permetheum, so I think "perfect, I got this".

I start boiling pots of water mixed with dog shampoo, and start throwing it all over the kitchen floor. Nope, maggots ain't dieing. Kim finally wakes up, hungover and disorientated, and comes downstairs to see what's going on and what I'm freaking out about.

He's in total shock and gives me this look of total disdain of, "what the fuck are you doing? why I am even with you?". I'm still freaking out because I'm not used to dealing with maggots, so just take my laptop and go upstairs while leaving him with the mess. haha, good times, I miss Thailand.

[Moses]

The very first thing you should tell: always use condoms.
The second one: never use drugs.

[cdnmatt]

Yep and you're right, and already told him about the drugs thing. Condoms I think are just common sense and don't need mentioning.

Oh, and I forgot a phrase -- "gin kaao le yang" (have you eaten yet?). Will make sure to tell him.

[thaiophilus]

The temple/palace is not closed "because the monks are asleep/for a special ceremony".
There is no government scheme giving tourists cheap tuk-tuk rides.
There is no "Temple of the Lucky Buddha".
You can't buy gemstones here and resell at a profit back home.
Legitimate dealers in expensive things accept credit cards. They don't make you buy gold from the shop next door.
Laminated ID cards (any ID you like) are readily available in the Khao San Road.
Uniforms mean nothing unless the wearer also has a gun.

[pong]

Oh way laew, Matty canuck, this is FAAAR more as the tipical newbee young tourist here (I happen to stay near that area where the congregate, though its way not that much as before when they went by guideboox) can remember or will be willing to do. Plus that he will not visit that Isan anyway-way too far and not in the guideboox/sites.
Instead of maggots ANTs (mot) are everywhere and will find a tiny half-crumb of sugar in mins. But the BMA here does a serious job of refuse collecting and cleaning streets and parks even. They even send out boats to clean the canals every week.
As such a young guy he will be bombarded by any lookforfun/guys site he will care to open. Better learn how to deal with that.
And the very basics for new arrivals (assuming on a lower budget as 100$/N HTL?): what to do in airport/Swampy (get SIM, change some money, find transportation into town) and overcome the jetlag-should be even much worse coming of cold wintery icey canuckyland. The rest will be told by the various also young bekkiepekkies in the hostels he will stay in. Could even be FRench to develop that all-canucky feeling for languages.
Perhaps tell that there are even other sorts as elefant beer (with that green+gold chang on it).
And that toong yang (bags of not yet=condoms) are not easily available in giant western sizes.
And that its perfectly all right to consume rice+things on from 40 bt/dish roadside stalls. Or-there is always a 7 close by-and they do not even charge extortionate CN/US ´convenience´prices. They also do microwave meals-also around 40 bt-heating + spoonfork comes free with it.
Lets say pre 2000 all those things were-in a little more neutral wording-in those famous Lonely Planet Guidebookx.

[cdnmatt]

@pong -- You do realize that not all 20 somethings are poor, right? He'll definitely be doing the food markets, but out of desire, not necessity.

[latintopxxx]

matty me thinks u exagerate some of the "rules" like the whole feet/soles...ive lost count of the times ive planted a foot on the back of the mb's head while I'm fucking him....never had a problem...at least not a serious one...a couple made a half hearted effort to object but once informed that his job is to make me happy we carry on...he needs to know he's there for one thing only and money talks...maybe rules for MB's are different than for a live in lover..Im there on holiday and do wander around mostly in a t shirt and shorts...on the odd occasion I go to a nice restaurant I do wear a nice short sleeved shirt or polo t shirt...but yeah guess if one lives in Thailand full time rules are different or at least one needs to pay attention to neighbourly dynamics. Im always nice to security personel, in many a place they facilitate matters...in Morocco they supplied me with Mb's for a small finders fee...

[Mancs]

It's often hot. Wear shorts and a t shirt, unless you're doing something more formal.
Consider the combined effects of heat, jet lag, lack of sleep and alcohol, if these are relevant. Another shower and a nap may be a good idea.
Mosquito cream can be handy near water or in the North and even tells alley dogs that you're not a stranger.
I say 'sorry' in Thai quite a lot - ขอโทษ (khǎaw-thôot).
If you drop a banknote do not put your foot on it.

[Dodger]

Who you are matters more than what you are. Karma is a big part of life there, and being a kind, good hearted person gets you a long way.

Of all the good tips you provided - I think this one by far is the most important.

Thais have an incredible ability to see inside a person (where Karma lives)...almost clairvoyant.

[Oliver2]

Of course, they don't always need to be clairvoyant if a falang puts a foot on their neck. Or anywhere else on their body.

[francois]

I have a really good friend, 26 years old, and is heading to Thailand for the first time. Trying to bring him up to speed on things, so let me know what I'm missing here:

Dress respectfully when you go out, meaning long pants and a nice buttoned shirt. Don't wander around in basketball shorts and a wife beater.


There may be places where it is necessary to dress as you say, but in Pattaya, just about any style of clothing is acceptable.Shorts and T shirts and even wife beaters are common. Long pants and a buttoned shirt are reserved for proper Brits! 555

[latintopxxx]

oliver u silly man...if indeed they were clairvoyant they wouldnt agree to meet up and sell their bodies for cash....they would stay behind in the paddy fields working under s stinking hot sun for a fraction of what they make with me...and btw....lots message me afterwards asking if we can meet up again so i can only assume the experience for them was so wonderful they are keen to repeat it...occasionally I'll agree if round 1 was good....mostly I dont as I was new butt and not repeats..

[maump]

Of all the good tips you provided - I think this one by far is the most important.

Thais have an incredible ability to see inside a person (where Karma lives)...almost clairvoyant.

yes, and if you let them see you kind heart, you have an immediate boy friend. I met 6 men so far in 3 days. 3 want to be my BF because I am good man.

[Dodger]

yes, and if you let them see you kind heart, you have an immediate boy friend. I met 6 men so far in 3 days. 3 want to be my BF because I am good man.

Sounds to me like they read you like a book.

[mr giggles]

Of all the good tips you provided - I think this one by far is the most important.

Thais have an incredible ability to see inside a person (where Karma lives)...almost clairvoyant.

BS

[mr giggles]

I met 6 men so far in 3 days. 3 want to be my BF because I am good man.

And they will all love you long-time.

[latintopxxx]

ive got a bridge to sell in case u r interested

[cdnmatt]

Alright, follow up question, how do you convince someone to not be a total dumb ass during their first trip to Thailand? haha....

My friend is totally over the moon about the number of cute Thai guys contacting him left and right. He's totally smitten. I keep trying to drive it home that 98% of it is fake, and he's most likely just being played due to how naive he is, but doesn't seem to phase him.

He even thinks it's cute that a couple Thai guys want to take him back up to their village to introduce him to their parents. I honestly didn't even know what to say to that, but I tried to explain to him that it's not real. Only chance of a Thai guy bringing you back home to meet mom and dad is if it's a serious and committed relationship. They're not doing that for some white stranger they met off the internet.

It's weird, isn't it? Some folks can be so highly intelligent in various ways, but dumb as a rock in other ways. I already know, he's going to fall in love with the first cute Thai guy that sits on his lap freshly showered in a towel, and even though he's quite wealthy now, will probably be broke in the near future. Keep trying to warn him of the pitfalls, but it all falls on deaf ears because of the amount of cute Thai guys that are non-stop messaging him and want to be his boy friend.

Whatever...

[Dodger]

......I already know, he's going to fall in love with the first cute Thai guy that sits on his lap freshly showered in a towel...

Sounds like me.

I remember it like it was yesterday.

I was sitting inside Thai Boys Boys Gogo Bar/Pattaya on my very first night on the town in Gay Thailand. I was totally mezmerized...in shock...in heaven...all at once. Up till this point in my life the only boys who were this HOT and interested in being with me were only in my dreams. And when the cutest boy I had ever laid eyes on came and sat down next to me and placed his hand on my thigh I was like putty in his hands. After having sex with him that night I was in love.

I've loved dozens more since that first night in Paradise and don't regret a single one.

For the gay man visiting Thailand there's a very fine line between "Reality" and Fantasy". And I consider myself to be extremely fortunate to have experienced that "line" to the fullest.

I would advise your friend to be careful how he spends his money and controls his emotions...no argument there, but I'd be careful not to erase the "Magic" of Thailand in the process.

[cdnmatt]

For the gay man visiting Thailand there's a very fine line between "Reality" and Fantasy". And I consider myself to be extremely fortunate to have experienced that "line" to the fullest.

I would advise your friend to be careful how he spends his money and controls his emotions...no argument there, but I'd be careful not to erase the "Magic" of Thailand in the process.

Oh yeah, I'm mindful of that. The whole reason he's going to Thailand now is because I pushed him into it. His initial plan was to goto the Philippinnes, but had a falling out with his dude, and thanks to my advice is now heading to Thailand.

Yeah, I think Thailand is kind of how kids view Disneyland, but for gay adults, eh? It's like this magical place that you fall in love with and never want to leave, but it's not actually real, and at some point you do have to leave.

I just keep telling him, have a great time, it's a blast, but try to keep your head on straight. Aside from being a good friend, he's also a business partner of mine, so I hope he doesn't fuck this up, because it'll hurt me financially as well.

He fully agrees with everything I say, but I'm quite confident the small head is doing all the thinking at the moment, so what I say has no bearing on anything. We've all been there, haha.

[latintopxxx]

getting mixed mesages here...some of you have multiple personalities residing in one body...u need help...on the one hand all Thais are good loving caring that can read your heart and soul and if you treat thgem like little princes they will look after you loyally until its time to be reincarnated....now u r telling us to beware if the traps...that all the love and attention being showered upon us is fake...that they are a bunch of con artists...boy am I glad I stayed true to my instincts...I stick to the tourist area populated by whores...and treat every encounter as a business transaction...am only renting them short time...like chewing gum...once the flavour has gone need a new one...

[latintopxxx]

...But yes..agree that tourist town Thailand is an adults playground...very few places in the world where I can find guys displaying their wares on a stage...and i can easily cheaply order one...where I can have a twink or a muscle man..where its so easy and safe and convenient...sure there are bars in small town Brazil where Mbs hang around...mostly lates teens early twenties...believe Mexico is also good but nothing as easy as Thailand...or as accomodating...

[Dodger]

A lesson my father taught me when I was young about "managing money" certainly paid dividends when I started coming to Thailand.

My father and his 3 older brothers traveled from Chicago to Las Vegas routinely once a year for a long weekend of gambling. They did this for as long as I can remember...never returned home boasting about winning any money...but always went on-and-on about the wonderful times they had.

He explained very clearly to me and my brother that you don't go to a place like Las Vegas expecting to win money, because that's rarely the case, you go there for the pure enjoyment and the experience. He went on to tell us that when the day comes that we want to experience Vegas for ourselves that we should only take the amount of money that we are willing to contribute to Las Vegas for the enjoyment and experience they provide...nothing more - nothing less.

The reason this comes to mind is because this is exactly how I've always handled myself in Thailand. Not just the first holiday here - but the 40 consecutive holidays that were to follow over a 20 year period. I brought along enough money to have as much "boy fun" as I wanted for the durations of my holidays - but never once in all those years went over my budget

I guess the advise I would give the first time visitor, or for that fact any visitor, would be to do the exact same thing. Never spend more money in Thailand than you budgeted to spend when you were back home packing your bags. Don't promise that "boy of the moment" ANYTHING unless it fits within your holiday budget, and whatever you do don't ever place the "needs" of any stranger (regardless of how much you adore him) ahead of your own personal financial needs.

[cdnmatt]

Good advice Dodger. I went the total opposite direction, decided love trumps immigration law, said fuck it, and just overstayed for 8 years because there were no legal immigation routes for me to stay there.

My friend is the exact same way. I keep telling him to apply for a multi entry tourist VISA, because that gives you in total approx 270 days in Thailand. That's enough time to figure everything out, and where you want to be.

More than likely, he'll just get scammed to hell and back, then end up at my place in Laos for some comfort and relaxation. Who knows.

[cdnmatt]

getting mixed mesages here...some of you have multiple personalities residing in one body...u need help...on the one hand all Thais are good loving caring that can read your heart and soul and if you treat thgem like little princes they will look after you loyally until its time to be reincarnated....now u r telling us to beware if the traps...that all the love and attention being showered upon us is fake...that they are a bunch of con artists...

understandable. Depends on the situation and what part of the country you're in, right? I think the same goes for all countries out there.

For example, I'm going to act quite differently at an office building in West Vancouver than I would at a bush party outside of Ft McMurray, Alberta, type of thing.

[latintopxxx]

i need a strong drink....now im finding myself in sgreement with both dodger and matty....what has the world come to

[pong]

From what I understand Colombia seems to be the new Brazil as for finding guys-there even also seem to be the odd Guys-for-rent-bar in Bogota or perhaps Medellin (where you can choose them when they stand behind a glass-just like TH often used to have pre 2000-and possibly still for str8 girlie girls.
Having had a very satisfying crop of guys from yes, over the Mekong, the real Laos and not that laughable ´ he lao´ for Isany guys, now in this stay I must say they act very well and also seem to be able to keep and stick to the byzantine Thai/ASEAN rules for staying here. From what I understand the economic situation over there is so dire that most have lost jobs and inflation is also rampant-1000 of their kips is just 2 THB. Which means 1000 THB is half a million of those kips. One or two spoke pretty good english and told were sacked as hotelworkers due to hotel being closed. Or there was the odd student from there at 1 of BKKs dozens of uni´s. Those from Vientiane usually speak enough clear Thai to be understood, some others from way out the sticks only Lao-then it gets too difficult for me. They all tend to be a bit rough at the edges and also have very long lasting stamina for the pleasurable things in life. You will be in heaven, dear Matt even in Champasak or Pakse or whatever tiny town. BUT-again BUT DO adhere to their immigration rules-it remains an communist ruled country for that and all the fees are also a major source of income. The major sources for Laos to make foreign money are selling electricity from the waterworks and the fees that airlines have to pay for flying over it. But thats a long digress from what this topic started with. Happily-as I perused the reopened 2nd hand bookshop here-there are still many boox about that subject for low prices-and some are even quite funny and still instructive. If and how that would differ for that Laos: well, wait&see, I think yes in some respects.
Did you book the one way tickets already? How will you bridge the gap from BKK to over that Mekong? When van we expect real from on theground reports about this people´s republic?

[cdnmatt]

Yeah, inflation has been absolutely rampant inLaos as of late. To the point it's just totally shocking to me. Sending $200 CAD via Western previously would result in ~1,600,000 Kip, whereas nowadays it's I think upwards of ~2,800,000 Kip.

No worries about immigration, I got that covered.

And no worries about anything else either. I probably know the culture, language, and societal norms better than you do, so all is well ther. My only real issue is going to be the whole blind thing, but I think I should be good there and have enough love from good people to take care of me.

It'll definitely be an adventure, that's for sure.

[Mancs]

Inflation in Laos 38% annual in November. I seem to choose a lot of Laos men. Maybe because they are a bit more 'lad next door' than Thai men?

[pong]

Sabai dee, Matty. So when will that big trip now come? Kowp jay lay lay. Can you get that sticky rice=khao niao in Canuck to get adjusted already?