Married life!

I am sitting in my new flat (which I hate - half the size of my old one, no storage space and it cost more too!) on a cold, wet and grey Sunday morning in London. But the good news is that in twelve days I shall be flying to Thailand to be with the man I love, and begin our new life together.

For those who have not been following our story, this is the culmination of a two year, at times fraught, love affair. I had been in Thailand many times before, and was certainly not looking for a partner when I met my husband in a bar in Pattaya. But I fell in love, a crazy thing to do, but not exactly under rational control.

Now he has the Settlement Visa, giving him entry to the UK with the express intention of using the Civil Partnership law in the UK. We are not really allowed to call this "marriage" because it upsets the religious lobby, and only by assuring them that there would be no kind of religious element to the ceremony could the government get the legislation through.

So we shall be together in Thailand for two weeks, starting with five nights in Loei to have a party with his extended family, and explore his home together. Then a few nights honeymoon on Koh Chang, before a final few nights partying with friends in Pattaya before flying back to the UK together.

Sometimes I wake up in a cold sweat of fear, sheer terror at the thought of living with someone again after living alone for the past twelve years. Not to mention all the potential difficulties my new husband faces in giving up the life he has known in Thailand, his friends, family and whole way of life.

Who knows what the future holds. We have as much of a chance of happiness as any other couple. If we both want this to work, and are prepared to work hard at our relationship, then we might just make it. Wish us luck?

Cheers!

[allieb]

I wish you luck. I don't know the full story but in the back of my mind is that where ever you meet a boy in Thailand the boy is looking to get a better lifestyle and love isn't usually the motive of the relationship. We all fall into the trap of Thailand when we go there and throw away reality, when our boys say the things we want to hear and do things we like

Go for it but don't expect too much and if it works out well good for you. You will have to see him through the change in culture which will be a shock for him. You and he will be in the real world and not in the rose tinted world of Thailand. He will have to get a job and pay tax and all that shit. He will also have to contribute rather than take for the first time in his life. can he handle that!!!!

Good luck rich.


Hope he can cope with our winters and the prices here lol!

I attended a Civil Partnership Ceremony a couple of weeks ago. An English friend and his Vietnamese partner got "Married". I was a joyous occasion with all the trappings of a wedding and the Registrar really joined in with the spirit of things.

Afterwards friends and neighbours all attended a party and it was good to see that it was the union that was being celebrated not whether it was gay or straight.

I wish you and your partner the best of luck for the future.

Jon

[Aunty]

Good luck! I'm sure good humour, patience, commitment and the love you have for each other will get you through any rocky moments of adjustment. Nerves are to be expected. One thing I'm curious about though is how does your bf feel about moving to Britain now that the time to leave Thailand is almost upon him? Is he nervous, sad, excited? In some respects it's a bigger change for him I think.

Oh and what do you mean it's cold in London? I thought it was supposed to be the middle of summer and you Poms were having a heat wave???

...is well and truly over, although they are promising it will return. This is the UK so I shall not be holding my breath while I wait!

My beloved is really excited, and not owning up to any nerves at all so far! We talk on the phone several times every day now, as the time gets closer. He stopped work a couple of weeks ago, but worked this weekend to help out but also because he said he was getting bored!

His month-long trip to the Uk in April gave him some insight into our lovely weather (it was very cold the whole month) and the prices and so on. Hopefully he will get started on his English studies soon after we get back, but he cannot work until after our Civil Partnership ceremony in December, so I hope he doesn't get too bored then!

I really do think the challenge is far greater for him, leaving everyone and everything he has ever known. Of course he wants a better life, wouldn't we all? But mixed motivations are common for all of us. Unless he does love me, it wil be very hard for him to live with me so far away from his home.

I shall work hard to make him happy because I love him. Just the thought of him makes my heart sing! Enough of the soppy stuff!!

Cheers!

I am sitting in my new flat (which I hate - half the size of my old one, no storage space and it cost more too!) on a cold, wet and grey Sunday morning in London. ... before flying back to the UK togetherThat certainly sounds like a recipe for success

...is well and truly over, although they are promising it will return. This is the UK so I shall not be holding my breath while I wait!

My beloved is really excited, and not owning up to any nerves at all so far! We talk on the phone several times every day now, as the time gets closer. He stopped work a couple of weeks ago, but worked this weekend to help out but also because he said he was getting bored!

His month-long trip to the Uk in April gave him some insight into our lovely weather (it was very cold the whole month) and the prices and so on. Hopefully he will get started on his English studies soon after we get back, but he cannot work until after our Civil Partnership ceremony in December, so I hope he doesn't get too bored then!

I really do think the challenge is far greater for him, leaving everyone and everything he has ever known. Of course he wants a better life, wouldn't we all? But mixed motivations are common for all of us. Unless he does love me, it wil be very hard for him to live with me so far away from his home.

I shall work hard to make him happy because I love him. Just the thought of him makes my heart sing! Enough of the soppy stuff!!

Cheers!

have you both scouted out food/shopping places? Im sure he will want to cook a bit rather than ballon with our lovely diet here lol.

Would love to meet you two once you`ve got him settled in etc.

[hulljake]

Who knows what the future holds. We have as much of a chance of happiness as any other couple. If we both want this to work, and are prepared to work hard at our relationship, then we might just make it. Wish us luck?

Absolutely! I've been following yopur postings; you know what you're getting yourself into, you're being realistic in your expectations, and I really hope things work out. So from me, unreservedly and without qualification: "G O O D L U C K ! ! !"

Congratulations and I hope all goes well; I am in a similar position (so I understand your emotions) although not quite so far down the line. My Thai partner is due to have an interview at the British Embassy for a settlement visa in september. Do you have any suggestions and a strategy for success?! I am planing to be there with him although I doubt they will interview me too!
Thanks a lot

[Aunty]

...is well and truly over, although they are promising it will return. This is the UK so I shall not be holding my breath while I wait!

My beloved is really excited, and not owning up to any nerves at all so far! We talk on the phone several times every day now, as the time gets closer. He stopped work a couple of weeks ago, but worked this weekend to help out but also because he said he was getting bored!

His month-long trip to the Uk in April gave him some insight into our lovely weather (it was very cold the whole month) and the prices and so on. Hopefully he will get started on his English studies soon after we get back, but he cannot work until after our Civil Partnership ceremony in December, so I hope he doesn't get too bored then!

I really do think the challenge is far greater for him, leaving everyone and everything he has ever known. Of course he wants a better life, wouldn't we all? But mixed motivations are common for all of us. Unless he does love me, it wil be very hard for him to live with me so far away from his home.

I shall work hard to make him happy because I love him. Just the thought of him makes my heart sing! Enough of the soppy stuff!!

Cheers!

Well I know a Thai/kiwi gay couple here in Auckland. They have their moments as all couples do, and the Thai guy would rather live back in Thailand, but it is a genuine relationship, and they have been together for a number of years. (Gay relationships are treated the same as st8 ones here in NZ for immigration purposes - and you don't have to have had a civil union either, but you can have that here too if you want). My Thai friend could if he wanted to leave his partner, he has permanent residence here in NZ, he doesn't need his partner for that, or he could go back to Thailand. He was a white collar professional there so would get a good job. But he has no intention of doing either, his relationship is genuine.

So as we would say here in New Zealand, Good on ya mate!

[Dick]

Good Luck to you both Richard.
Hope all goes well for you when you meet the 'folks' next month.
Are you having the buddist blessing... can't remember the name for it, but it's as good as a wedding in Bhuddism if not more so, and not lightly undertaken?
Thanks for keeping us up to speed with the timetable.
Ignore the boywretch who feels compelled to detract from a happiness he is unlikely to enjoy. Please continue to keep us posted... we are interested in your success story.

Wishing you all the best for a lovely holiday and then a great time living together back in the UK.

You did mention that your guy will not be able to work until December. I assume you will be working and I hope you have a network that will allow him to keep entertained whilst you are out of the flat. However, if you don't know any other Thai guys in London, you may wish to try contacting the Long Yang club for meetings and socials. I have never been to any of their events but your guy may settle easier with a network of Thai friends to talk to.

World site:
http://www.longyangclub.org/newsite/directory2.htm

London site:
http://www.lyclondon.com/

Very best wishes.

Hi

My Thai partner and I have been together for ... hmm ... 14? years now. After already being together more than 10 years, we were "married" in San Francisco on that fateful February 12, 2004 in which Mayor Gavin Newsom opened the gates of freedom to marry, only to see them tightly shut, like closet doors before the guests come to a party, a few weeks later.
Well, at least we still have our marriage certificate.
Be happy you have the civil union and the partner immigration.
Australia doesn't have gay marriage or civil union, but it does have partner immigration. A gay HK friend of mine emigrated there as far back as 1996 because he was the long-term partner of an australian man (they had waited in the queue 3 years)
We just spent a few weeks with a Thai friend of ours who just emigrated to Israel on the basis of his relationship with a (male) citizen there.
But for my Thai partner and I, living together in the USA is impossible. I'm sure Vatican City will have gay partner immigration before the Theocratic States of America.
Anyway, my point is, put aside your fears, support your new husband emotionally and be tolerant of his adjustment, and thank whatever god you pray to that you are not an American, like me.