Boys in Abusive Relationships?

[cdnmatt]

Looking for anyone willing to share their experiences on this. Have you ever known a younger Thai guy in an abusive relationship with a farang? How bad was the abuse? What happened at the end for the guy to get out of the relationship, or did they ever? Why did the guy stay with him in the first place? Did you do anything to help, and if so what did you do and how did you avoid further reprecussions falling onto the guy from receiving help?

Things of that nature I'm looking for. If anyone has any stories or experiences to share, it'd be greatly appreciated.

[Manforallseasons]

No, I’ve never known a Thai boy in an abusive relationship with an older falang that didn’t leave the falang however, I’ve known a few needy old falangs that are either afraid to be alone or are so much in “love” that they put up with all kinds of shit from their Thai boy. They are truly pathetic creatures!

[dinagam]

You don't know their hearts and how they feel.

[cdnmatt]

You don't know their hearts and how they feel.

Pretty sure I know how he felt the one night several months back when he called my hysterically crying and soaked in blood, after the farang kicked the shit out of him. Even after he gave up fighting and layed down, the farang drunk on lao khao decided to stomp on his face for a while before taking off on their motorcycle.

Just found out last night now he doesn't even have a phone, hence why I haven't heard from him in weeks. Dickhead farang got all drunk and pissed off one night, and broke it. I can't just buy him a new phone, because his farang will be, "where did you get the money for the phone? blah, blh, blah", then probably just steal the phone and sell it or something.

[Manforallseasons]

Pretty sure I know how he felt the one night several months back when he called my hysterically crying and soaked in blood, after the farang kicked the shit out of him. Even after he gave up fighting and layed down, the farang drunk on lao khao decided to stomp on his face for a while before taking off on their motorcycle..

He? You spoke with “he” who was soaked in blood........As you claim your blind how did you assess in this tale that he was bloody?

[cdnmatt]

He? You spoke with “he” who was soaked in blood........As you claim your blind how did you assess in this tale that he was bloody?

Leo and Barry. Turns out, Barry is a real piece of shit.

I know he was bloody because he kept wailing on through his tears, "there's blood everywhere!". Tried to convince him to go back to his village that night, and he'd keep saying, "but my face!?!?!", as I guess he was pretty messed up. Tried to convince him to goto the cops, but he didn't.

Leo's tried to leave him several times since, and did so once successfully for a couple weeks. Always ends up back with him though, because he has nowhere else to go. And for whatever reason, his moother and sister are now sstaying with the two of them, and not sure what that's about.

I don't know, hopefully I'll get to talk to him again in a few days. Maybe see what I can do to get him a phone, if it's possible.

[Dodger]

Have you ever known a younger Thai guy in an abusive relationship with a farang?

I've seen (and heard of) situations where working boys were physically abused by a crazy farang during an off, but can't say I recall too many boys being foolish enough to be in a relationship with idiots like this. They're usually too street-savoy for that.

As far as psychological abuse goes, the door swings both ways: 1) A Farang who exploits a young guy who comes from a life of poverty by manipulating him with money - only to treat him like a kept prisoner in a one-room concentration camp. (you see this occasionally) 2) Deceitful money-boys who manipulate love-struck older farang - raking them over the coals emotionally as a means of controlling them and getting more and more $$money$$. (happens all the time).

Frankly, I think most of the abuse (physical and psychological) that a boy endures happens during his childhood at home. Farang, for the most part, treat Thai boys better than their own fathers did.

[Oliver2]

If we are considering emotionally-abusive behaviour as well as the physical stuff, a friend of P tells how he discovered, when he arrived home after work, that the falang with whom he'd lived for ten years had suddenly left without warning, taking his clothes and possessions and leaving no forwarding address.

[dinagam]

Just look at these Winner bar boys. How could anyone abuse them? They appear to be more playful than your house cats. My only concern is the abuse that they can cause to their own bodies from alcohol and drug misuse.

[Manforallseasons]

If we are considering emotionally-abusive behaviour as well as the physical stuff, a friend of P tells how he discovered, when he arrived home after work, that the falang with whom he'd lived for ten years had suddenly left without warning, taking his clothes and possessions and leaving no forwarding address.

Perhaps he tried to make a safe getaway!

[cdnmatt]

If we are considering emotionally-abusive behaviour as well as the physical stuff, a friend of P tells how he discovered, when he arrived home after work, that the falang with whom he'd lived for ten years had suddenly left without warning, taking his clothes and possessions and leaving no forwarding address.

Yeah, that sounds like one of those there's two sides to every story things. Maybe there was good reason for doing that. Sometimes trying to just cordially break up with a Thai guy may bode badly for your personal well being.

Although I didn't just up and disappear, it definitely crossed my mind, but it was difficult if not impossible to do with the dogs. I did break up with him though, he had a few weeks notice, and got 30,000 baht at the end, which was more than enough for him. I made sure I couldn't be found, but sure enough it was only a few days before he blew through all the money and I had a phone call from my previous neighbor saying he wanted to talk to me. I refused at the time.

[Marc K]

ah don't you just love human nature! man's ability to inflict cruelty on another never ceases to amaze me.

to change the subject slightly: have you ever notice how many Thai boys (MB or otherwise) seem to hate their own fathers? while they almost always talk lovingly about their mothers, most seem to have complete disdain for her sperm-donor. i wonder what that is all about and how matriarchy/patriarchy really works in Thai households. have you had similar observations?

[Dodger]

Pretty sure I know how he felt the one night several months back when he called my hysterically crying and soaked in blood, after the farang kicked the shit out of him. Even after he gave up fighting and layed down, the farang drunk on lao khao decided to stomp on his face for a while before taking off on their motorcycle.

Just found out last night now he doesn't even have a phone, hence why I haven't heard from him in weeks. Dickhead farang got all drunk and pissed off one night, and broke it. I can't just buy him a new phone, because his farang will be, "where did you get the money for the phone? blah, blh, blah", then probably just steal the phone and sell it or something.

Somethings missing from this story...too many loose ends.

It's rare that a Thai (boy or girl) would fall victim to the type of abuse you described by a farang without serious repercussions.

If the boy was beaten by this deranged farang as badly as described, I seriously doubt it would be happening a second time. As I'm sure you know, Thais up-country have their own form of justice, and when it comes to holding "jungle court", a farang has no voice in the matter.

If the boy, or anyone else for that matter, asks you to send money, you'd be wise to decline. It's not your problem.

[cdnmatt]

Somethings missing from this story...too many loose ends.

It's rare that a Thai (boy or girl) would fall victim to the type of abuse you described by a farang without serious repercussions.

If the boy was beaten by this deranged farang as badly as described, I seriously doubt it would be happening a second time.

And exactly why I never mentioned any specifics about the situation in the OP.

It's Leo, he's not lieing.

[francois]

If the boy, or anyone else for that matter, asks you to send money, you'd be wise to decline. It's not your problem.

Not sure if you are speaking specifically about the beaten boy or generalizing about any boy? I had a lad in Laos who I trust, who had a broken/rotten tooth that was painful.
Although he didn't specifically ask for money, I knew the agony he must be enduring. So I sent him some money for an extraction. Yes, not my problem, but I made it my problem!

[Dodger]

Just look at these Winner bar boys. How could anyone abuse them? They appear to be more playful than your house cats. My only concern is the abuse that they can cause to their own bodies from alcohol and drug misuse.

The boy on the far right is giving me a hard-on...and I don't even like pudgy boys. It must be his eye shadow!

[Dodger]

Not sure if you are speaking specifically about the beaten boy or generalizing about any boy? I had a lad in Laos who I trust, who had a broken/rotten tooth that was painful.
Although he didn't specifically ask for money, I knew the agony he must be enduring. So I sent him some money for an extraction. Yes, not my problem, but I made it my problem!

If you trusted the boy, he was on his own, and you knew that his story was legitimate, than I think what you did was thoughtful and commendable. I've done the same thing many times myself.

Now, if the boy was living under the same roof with a farang boyfriend (dickhead or not) would you still have sent him the money for his dental care? I know I wouldn't have.

The boy that Matt is describing apparently has a farang boyfriend (dickhead or not), and the boys mom and sister are apparently also living under the same roof. Situations like this are better left alone. At least that's been my experience. The boy knows what he needs to do.

[cdnmatt]

The boy that Matt is describing apparently has a farang boyfriend (dickhead or not), and the boys mom and sister are apparently also living under the same roof. Situations like this are better left alone. At least that's been my experience. The boy knows what he needs to do.

First, he never asks for money, and never would. He's not asking for money now, as how could he since he has no way to call me?

Second, he's the one that was there and took care of me when I initially went blind, so I kind of have a soft spot for him. Not to mention, he's just a really great guy and has been shitted on more than enough in life, and deserves better. I have no desire to be with him again, but would be nice to know he found happiness.

[Dodger]

First, he never asks for money, and never would. He's not asking for money now, as how could he since he has no way to call me?

Second, he's the one that was there and took care of me when I initially went blind, so I kind of have a soft spot for him. Not to mention, he's just a really great guy and has been shitted on more than enough in life, and deserves better. I have no desire to be with him again, but would be nice to know he found happiness.

I fully understand your feelings for this guy.

Hopefully, he'll find the right solution. It seems like getting away from "Dickhead" would be the place to start.

[Armando]

Hard to give an answer because I do not have enough detail. About a dozen years ago I met two cute Thai guys having drinks in Balcony. We started to chat. Both spoke good English and said they were 20. I liked one a lot but he was not looking for afters as he told me he was in a relationship. We did however meet for dinner a few nights later.

Turned out his boyfriend lived in Honolulu and had promised to take him to Hawaii where he would enrol him in the university. He visited Thailand about four times a year. I asked if he loved the guy. No, but he liked him a lot. The only problem was that when he was in Thailand, he wanted the Thai boy to be with him 24/7. He would not let him see anyone else, not even his friends. In fact he seemed to be stuck in the hotel room almost the entire time. The more I chatted with him, the more I realised the American was overly possessive and even paranoid. The Thai had given me his phone number. I once called him when his Hawaiian friend was in town and I did not realise was in the hotel room with him. What I heard on the phone horrified me. Something on the lines of "Who the fuck are you speaking to? I told you no phone calls. Get off the phone this fucking minute before I throw it out of the window." It was the tone of voice as much of what was said that really worried me.

I spoke to the Thai only once more after I knew the American had gone back to Hawaii. I told him he was clearly in an abusive relationship and he had to get out of it. He simply would not accept what I said. Whether it was his goal just to get to Hawaii or whether he was more of a masochist I never found out for that was the last time we spoke. I just felt so sorry for him.

[cdnmatt]

I spoke to the Thai only once more after I knew the American had gone back to Hawaii. I told him he was clearly in an abusive relationship and he had to get out of it. He simply would not accept what I said. Whether it was his goal just to get to Hawaii or whether he was more of a masochist I never found out for that was the last time we spoke. I just felt so sorry for him.

Exactly, I don't quite understand it myself as I've never been in an abusive relationship, but what you say definitely rings true. Same with the phone calls as well, and I don't ever dare message or call to Leo with fear his BF will see my name pop up on the phone and throw one of his tantrums. Instead I just wait around and whenever he gets around to it and has from free time away from his BF, he always gives me a call. Then of course, always apologizes for not calling more often, but can't because BF.

It's a tad hypocritical. Leo isn't even allowed to talk to other farangs, but he's constantly going on the apps hooking up with random guys, and for some reason that's ok. Not sure if it was multiple times or not, but I know of at least one time where he made Leo have sex with some random Asian guy off the internet when Leo didn't want to.

He wants to leave him, but always has an excuse as to why he can't. Heard them all, "he took care of me and paid rent and food", "he can't take care of himself here and will die if he's alone, so I have to help him", "he can't run his English school by himself, so I have to help", "he was just really drunk when he kicked the shit out of me, so it's ok, because I know he won't do it again", and blah, blah...

He always tells me he feels like a slave and wants out, but he just doesn't know how, or where to go. And I don't really want to take on three dependents indefinitely, so not sure what to do.

Give you another example of how petty this BF is. I guess they were staying at Leo's village for a while, and one day Barry got all pissed off and threw one of his trantrums because... wait for it... Leo's father ate a littlepiece of the bread the BF bought. I don't even have words for that.

[StevieWonders]

Give you another example of how petty this BF is. I guess they were staying at Leo's village for a while, and one day Barry got all pissed off and threw one of his trantrums because... wait for it... Leo's father ate a littlepiece of the bread the BF bought. I don't even have words for that.In other words his family know about it or at least have an inkling but cannot or will not do anything? Yet you, a blind foreigner thousands of kilometres away think that you can resolve it?

[Dodger]

It's a tad hypocritical. Leo isn't even allowed to talk to other farangs, but he's constantly going on the apps hooking up with random guys.

I wonder if Barry is bothered by the fact that Leo's constantly cheating on him and acting like a slut?

Just a thought!

[cdnmatt]

I wonder if Barry is bothered by the fact that Leo's constantly cheating on him and acting like a slut?

Just a thought!


Sorry, wrong wording. Barry's the one constantly hooking up with guys on the apps.

[Dodger]

Sorry, wrong wording. Barry's the one constantly hooking up with guys on the apps.

Opps....sorry, misread that.

I wonder where Leo found this Barry guy to begin with. He sounds like a real winner!

[StevieWonders]

Opps....sorry, misread that.Poor writing on Matt’s part. I read it exactly the same way as you - Leo was the one doing the hooking up.

[cdnmatt]

Opps....sorry, misread that.

I wonder where Leo found this Barry guy to begin with. He sounds like a real winner!


Grindr. They chatted for a while, then Barry went for a holiday in Thailand and they hooked up. Holiday lasted a good eight months, they travelled all over SE Asia, and although Barry was even a bit of a control freak then (ie. don't talk to other farangs, when you're with me, you're with me, blah, blah), it was a holiday so for all intents good times to be had.

Then Barry went back to Europe for a while, broke up with his BF there, sold off his life, and headed over for the dream life in Asia. We all know how this goes, and once those rose tinted glasses eventually come off, the dream life doesn't seem so dreamy. That's when his attitude started getting worse.

Then Kovid hit, which didn't help any. They were living in Vietnam, but were visting Laos at the time when KoVid shut all the borders, hence they got stranded in Laos. So now stranded, no home, no money, no work, et al. Didn't exactly do great for his mental state or attitude, and things just got even worse.

I don't know, what a messed up situation. He has to get out somehow, as this type of behavior only gets worse with time, otherwise Leo's going to end up dead at some point. Nothing I can really do from here, and throwing like $10k at the issue I know isn't going to solve anything.

[Manforallseasons]

Mat, no pun intended but haven’t you beaten this horse to death?

[cdnmatt]

Mat, no pun intended but haven’t you beaten this horse to death?


Haven't you found happiness yet?

[colmx]

In my experience there are just as many relationships that have the reverse. With the Thai guy physically abusing the farang. 2 acquaintances on FB often post pics of the bruises or damage that their Thai BF has caused in one of their tantrums.

Their farang friends try to get them to finish with the Thai guy, but for some reason they persist and allow the abuse to continue, or are under some sort of blackmail threat so are unable to disengage

So this kind of abuse is definitely a two way Street and far from one sided

[mr giggles]

If we are considering emotionally-abusive behaviour as well as the physical stuff, a friend of P tells how he discovered, when he arrived home after work, that the falang with whom he'd lived for ten years had suddenly left without warning, taking his clothes and possessions and leaving no forwarding address.

Why would he take the clothes?
They wouldn't fit him and have minimal value.

[mr giggles]

In my experience there are just as many relationships that have the reverse. With the Thai guy physically abusing the farang. 2 acquaintances on FB often post pics of the bruises or damage that their Thai BF has caused in one of their tantrums.

Their farang friends try to get them to finish with the Thai guy, but for some reason they persist and allow the abuse to continue, or are under some sort of blackmail threat so are unable to disengage

So this kind of abuse is definitely a two way Street and far from one sided

Not to mention the occasionally reported "Flying Farangs".

[francois]

Why would he take the clothes?
They wouldn't fit him and have minimal value.

I am assuming by "his" clothes the reference was regarding the farang's clothes. But it could be taken another way as that statement also did puzzle me.

[Oliver2]

Yes, the falang took his own clothes and "his possessions."

[Dodger]

In my experience there are just as many relationships that have the reverse. With the Thai guy physically abusing the farang. 2 acquaintances on FB often post pics of the bruises or damage that their Thai BF has caused in one of their tantrums.

Their farang friends try to get them to finish with the Thai guy, but for some reason they persist and allow the abuse to continue, or are under some sort of blackmail threat so are unable to disengage

So this kind of abuse is definitely a two way Street and far from one sided

ABSOLUTELY!

I have an expat friend (a very senior gentleman) who's subjected himself to extreme abuse for several years now from the same criminal-minded boy and just won't call it quits. I'm really concerned that one day I'm going to be hearing some very bad news.

[Armando]

If we are considering emotionally-abusive behaviour as well as the physical stuff, a friend of P tells how he discovered, when he arrived home after work, that the falang with whom he'd lived for ten years had suddenly left without warning, taking his clothes and possessions and leaving no forwarding address.
I fail to understand how anyone can say they are in a relationship when clearly in so many cases there is no real communication. For one it's probably sex and companionship. For the other, cash and a better living. If the farang Oliver2 mentions had found another guy, I can perhaps imagine there could be a fear of some physical harm when he told the long term guy that he was moving out. But even then, that to me just is not a relationship. It's one of two guys who make use of each other disappearing.

[Dodger]

I fail to understand how anyone can say they are in a relationship when clearly in so many cases there is no real communication..

Agree.

It seems almost customary that any time a farng and Thai boy are living together it gets framed as a "relationship", but in reality, could be nothing more than just two guys sharing a roof and a bed.

[cdnmatt]

I fail to understand how anyone can say they are in a relationship when clearly in so many cases there is no real communication.

Pretty sure this is why Facebook has the "it's complicated" option for relationship status. :)

[Oliver2]

I don't know enough about the particular case I reported but I do know that they had lived together for ten years and this suggests that it was some sort of relationship. It was not the break-up itself which I found shocking but the suddenness of it. Or so it was reported. Perhaps I shouldn't have mentioned it when I am merely reporting what the the Thai guy said to me. In which case, sorry.

[christianpfc]

I don't know any cases of physical abuse in either way, but certainly of taking advantage and broken promises.

I would guess the number of Thai abusing their Farang boyfriend is much higher than Farang abusing Thai. Simply because the Thai are on their home turf and have a network of friends.

[Marc K]

I would guess the number of Thai abusing their Farang boyfriend is much higher than Farang abusing Thai. Simply because the Thai are on their home turf and have a network of friends.

Abuse me, abuse me! Please! :))

[Dodger]

I wonder what effects Thailand's Civil Partnership Bill (if approved) will have on the type of partnership disputes being discussed.

According to a draft of this Bill I read last year, the Civil Partnership Bill would allow same-sex couples to register as life partners, entitling them to rights and benefits under the law similar to those of married, heterosexual couples, including the dividing of real property, financial holdings, and possibly the paying of alimony, if applicable.

Personally, I don't see any advantage for a foreigner to enter into this type of legal agreement, and would recommend against it, although, there will undoubtedly be some who choose to do this. Like all laws in Thailand, they are written solely for the benefit of Thai nationals, with little or no consideration for the rights of a foreigner.

If a farang, (similar to the one being discussed in this post), had been in a Civil Partnership with his Thai BF, and then flew the coup after 10 years, he would probably be subject to arrest, forced to divide his property and start making alimony payments to his Thai partner, at a minimum. There are apparently also infidelity clauses as well. I wouldn't touch this with a 10 foot pole.

Frankly, If a farang is involved in a destructive and/or volatile relationship with a Thai (boy or girl), and has to call it quits, the best thing he can do is simply vanish. Don't get submersed in heated debates with the Thai, his/hers friends, or family members. Don't waste your time sitting in some temple with a monk with blood-shot eyes chanting some bullshit, or putting yourself in jeopardy by sleeping alone in a dark room in some jungle village after you've pissed him/her and/or the family off.

Just disappear...vanish...poof...done...gone!

Obviously, this would only pertain to relationships where the farang latches on to a Thai partner who ends up being a deceitful con artist who's only intent is on stealing the farangs $$money$$. When this happens, all's fair in love and war.

[StevieWonders]

I’d have thought that potentially the only advantage might be immigration - subject to the 50% requirements for lump sum or income and - for the time being - no health insurance requirement. Even after 32 years here I keep the majority of my assets offshore where Thailand has no jurisdiction. It’s the reverse of Thai thinking about the need for a Thai Will - foreign law cannot bind assets in Thailand.

[Dodger]

I’d have thought that potentially the only advantage might be immigration - subject to the 50% requirements for lump sum or income and - for the time being - no health insurance requirement. Even after 32 years here I keep the majority of my assets offshore where Thailand has no jurisdiction. It’s the reverse of Thai thinking about the need for a Thai Will - foreign law cannot bind assets in Thailand.

If you're not in a relationship - you have nothing to worry about.

[StevieWonders]

If you're not in a relationship - you have nothing to worry about.Is that right - the only basis on which a Thai (any Thai) can attempt to gain control over my assets is if I’m in a “relationship” with them? How reassuring.

[Daveuk]

About 10 years ago I had been in a volatile relationship with a boy in Pattaya which had lasted on and off for over a year. He was a very attractive and the sex was usually exciting. However he pushed the limits money wise asking for more and from time to time withheld sex. At the time I was in good physical condition and on several occasions I ejected him from my apartment telling him not to come back until he was prepared to be more amenable. Usually he was back a day or so saying he would be good which pleased me as I had missed the sex and his company, although twice I got him to accept a spanking. However on the last occasion he turned up early morning whilst I was in bed with another boy. He went rather wild and I had to get security to get rid of him. His last word was that he would get even with me. I knew he had some tough friends and was scared. I packed up all my things and told the apartment management that I had to go home and left for Bkk where I stayed for the rest of my trip. Friends told me I had done exactly the right thing - beware of a Thai whom you had caused to loose face.

[Oliver2]

A salutary story. Something very similar is recounted in David Gawthrop's " The Rice Queen Diaries" which, incidentally, has a lot to say about the issue of falang/Thai gay relationships in general. Worth a read.

And I also recall an elderly gentleman having to make a quick exit from Pattaya after a violent ex found it he was in Boyztown on holiday and followed him. He needed my help in arranging an escape and a safe place in Bangkok.

We need to acknowledge that financial reliance can turn antagonistic when the tap of regular funding is turned off.

(Since posting this, I note the same book is recommended on the "three friends" thread. I second Mr Giggles's assessment.)

[goji]

If a farang, (similar to the one being discussed in this post), had been in a Civil Partnership with his Thai BF, and then flew the coup after 10 years, he would probably be subject to arrest, forced to divide his property and start making alimony payments to his Thai partner, at a minimum. There are apparently also infidelity clauses as well. I wouldn't touch this with a 10 foot pole.

Seems like good advice.

Here in the UK marriage and other forms of legal partnership have a very high risk of transferring over 50% of wealth from the wealthier partner to the other upon divorce. e.g. Doing a back of a fag packet calculation for one of my friends shows his decade of marriage cost about £3000 per day (he's worth a few ££££££££).

I wouldn't get married in the UK and doing that in Thailand seems even more crazy. I also wouldn't want to create a situation where anyone could cash in from my death. Too many "suicides" for that.




And I also recall an elderly gentleman having to make a quick exit from Pattaya after a violent ex found it he was in Boyztown on holiday and followed him. He needed my help in arranging an escape and a safe place in Bangkok.This is all very well, but having to avoid Pattaya for a while whilst things quieten off seems rather inconvenient to me. Then, in the era of internet dating I'd expect to use Grindr and Hornet in Bangkok. Tracking someone using that would not require Sherlock Holmes.

[StevieWonders]

In Australia and New Zealand relationships that have lasted more than 2 years of living together without a formal marriage can be subject to court orders about the separation of property as if there had been a legal relationship. The same applies to immigration - a wedding certificate is not required where a couple can demonstrate “interdependency”. Canada has similar rules under some circumstances or different periods of time.

[Dodger]

I guess it goes without saying, that a farang should take care when inviting a Thai boy to shack-up with him, regardless of the length of stay.

There are plenty of great guys to hook up with, where problems like the ones we're discussing now never happen. although the odds of finding Mr. Right for a long-term relationship are better off the working circuit IMO.

A good friend and very wise man named Carolina Jimmy told me a long time ago: "Never fall in love with a whore".

[Nirish guy]

“Carolina Jimmy” - what a great name :-) do tell more !!? Is he even from Carolina for example !? :-)

[cdnmatt]

Canada has similar rules under some circumstances or different periods of time.

Yep, it's called common law marriage. If you live together for a year, gay or straight, you're considered married in the eyes of the law in Canada.

[Dodger]

“Carolina Jimmy” - what a great name :-) do tell more !!? Is he even from Carolina for example !? :-)

Carolina Jimmy was a very well-traveled gay gentleman, who once owned a popular gay nightclub in Prague, and rubbed elbows with the producers and some of the stars of the Belami movies back in the day. Jimmy was friends with Gary, the former owner of Corner Bar/Sunee and was well-liked by everyone. He spoke with a South Carolina accent, and put words together like Mark Twain of Missouri. Quite the colorful character.

The last time I exchanged messages with him he was living in Mexico (of all places), and was settled down with, in his words, "a stunning showcase of a lad", from Puerta Vallarta. He's got to be somewhere in his early-eighties now and can probably still out dance a 25 year old.

[Blueskytoday]

I don't know...just saying....I would guess anyone living with a Thai boy....man,,,,yes strong feeling between each, BUT.....the $$$$$$ is very closely attached for
the Thai boy who has no other means to really exist.....again...no first hand experience in TH....

[cdnmatt]

I don't know...just saying....I would guess anyone living with a Thai boy....man,,,,yes strong feeling between each, BUT.....the $$$$$$ is very closely attached for
the Thai boy who has no other means to really exist.....again...no first hand experience in TH....

No, it's never anywhere near that black and white, and this type of mentality really irritates me about the West. If it's a white hetero couple in Canada, and the husband is the bread winner who brings in all the money and takes care of the wife, then that's perfectly fine and normal. However, if it's a gay interracial couple, then obviously the Asian guy is just a money grubbing lowlife piece of shit, and you're just too stupid to realize he only likes you for your money.

That's simply never the case, or at least not from all my experiences. Sure, there's that "pretend relationship" game that johns and hookers play together, but I think most times they both have a mutual understanding of what's going on, are both fine with it presumeably because the sex and money are worth it for both parties, so all the power to them.

For actual relationships though (and there's lots of them), then no, that's not how it works. I could go off on a tangent, but I don't. Needless to say, whenever this type of conversation comes up in Canada, I just walk away from it now instead of trying to debate and explain.

There's loads of genuinely great guys out there, and just because they happened to be born into dire poverty doesn't mean they are by default greedy money grubbing scam artists, or anything even remotely close to that. Look past what they are and look at who they are instead, and you'll find no shortage of great, down to earth, good hearted guys out there. That's especially true if you stay out of the tourist areas. Again, I could go off on a tangent, but I won't.

[a447]

A friend of mine, Rob, and his partner had been together for close to 10 years and over that time had accumulated enough money to afford a very nice lifestyle. They were renting a beautiful home by the ocean. They both had an interest in antique clocks and had built up quite a valuable collection, all bought during numerous trips to Europe. With good superannuation and no kids they were enjoying the high life.

One day Rob appears out of the blue on my doorstep and he was a total mess. His partner had suddenly left him - he had found a younger guy - and he had not only taken all the valuables and furniture with him, he had also cleaned out their main bank account. Unbeknownst to Rob he had been quietly transferring money into a separate account. He had obviously been planning this from the time he met his new boyfriend.

To make matters worse, Rob found himself homeless as he still had to pay the rent on the property until the lease expired, something he could not afford to do by himself.

In the end everything worked out - I fixed up the lease and he moved in with me. I offered to pay for a lawyer to recover the assets to which he was entitled.

We tracked his partner down - it wasn't difficult because he and his new fuck buddy had moved in with his parents - and the threat of legal action had him on the ropes. A settlement was soon arrived at.

At the time Rob was totally devastated by his partner's betrayal. Thankfully he is now in a steady relationship but this time I think he will be more cautious. Rob told me they keep their bank accounts separate.

[Brad the Impala]

A friend of mine, Rob, and his partner had been together for close to 10 years and over that time had accumulated enough money to afford a very nice lifestyle

Good story, thank heavens Rob had you to sort his life out for him. However they can't have been accumulating that much if they were only renting a home and the partner who cleaned out their bank account ended up moving in with his parents on separation(not normally a lifestyle choice!).

Nevertheless the moral of the story not to have a joint bank account remains valid.

[a447]

I stepped up to help him but there were other friends who would have helped if I didn't.

They had owned 2 houses in the past - they were "between houses" so to speak. But now we know why they didn't buy - the partner was planning to up sticks and leave. And when you say "only renting", do you have any idea how much it costs to rent a home here overlooking the ocean?

As for the bastard moving back home to live with his parents, that was a temporary arrangement while they were looking for a place of their own - or at least that's how I read it.

[Marc K]

There's loads of genuinely great guys out there, and just because they happened to be born into dire poverty doesn't mean they are by default greedy money grubbing scam artists, or anything even remotely close to that. ... Again, I could go off on a tangent, but I won't.


I couldn't agree MORE, Matt! I'm sure we all have stories of boys/men who have touched our hearts and proved to be far better human beings than some of the beer-guzzling, low-life sex tourists that we all know. (Of course not counting current company!)

DO go off on a tangent, Matt. I would love to hear some good stories, for a change. Whatever gets invested into relationship (money, love, sex, concern, companionship, respect) usually comes back 1000 times!

[StevieWonders]

A friend of mine was financially abused by every boy he’s ever had live with him in Thailand. He makes it clear that he’s completely emotionally dependent on them, cries when they threaten to leave, acts generally as a doormat while they’re there. The last three have all had two or three million baht out of him by the time they’ve left. I think he’s a masochist who gets off on humiliation.

There’s none so queer as folk.

[StevieWonders]

That's simply never the case, or at least not from all my experiences. Both of them?

[latintopxxx]

...unfortunately this isnt a new occurence...the straight world is full of this...infatuated old guys (65++) who retire to Thailand where their pension lets them live like minor royalty especially if its in small town Isaan or something similar...the whole family dig their claws into him and before long he's practically a hostage...the price one pays for theillusion of love

[dinagam]

Even if the old man gets only 50% love from the Thai family, at least his cup is half full, better than no love at all.

[a447]

the price one pays for theillusion of love

I have only ever come across such a situation once in real life, although I have heard about such "relationships" numerous times.

Many here will remember Neal, ex-owner of Happy Place in Pattaya. He had a partner called Bee - a nasty, shitty, slutty, money-grabbing (you get the picture?) Cambodian guy.

Neal had done a lot for Bee and especially for his mother. Before he met Neal, she had been living in a hut in the jungle. Neal built her a house and sent her money every month. And he had told Bee that he would be getting the entire inheritance when he died. I remember half-jokingly saying to a fellow board member that that was a rather dangerous thing to do. In retrospect, it was a very dangerous thing to do!

I had the displeasure of meeting Bee only once; it was down at the gay beach in Jomtien. I sat there in shock as I listened to the torrent of abuse he directed at Neal. When he asked Bee to collect the meal that had just been delivered, he was met with a loud "fuck you!" from afar - Bee refused to even sit with Neal. He made no attempt whatsoever to conceal his sheer contempt. The abuse continued in the car on the way back to the Ambiance Hotel. But Neal just laughed it off and said Bee really, truly loved him. He had no doubt about that at all.

I later came to realise that they both probably deserved each other. I only hope that Neal left everything to his sister. If he did, I would have loved to see the look on Bee's face when he saw that Neal had had the last laugh.

[Dodger]

.

Look past what they are and look at who they are instead, and you'll find no shortage of great, down to earth, good hearted guys out there. That's especially true if you stay out of the tourist areas.

Agree!

The farther up-country I go, the cleaner the air.

[StevieWonders]

The farther up-country I go, the cleaner the air.
You must love Chiang Mai.