Is this a record?

[Marsilius]

The only unresolved issue from my recent series of Pattaya trip reports was that, as neddy 3 pointed out, I still hadn’t provided an update on the planned seduction of the ice cream vendor.

Suffice it to say that while our boy’s Magnum didn’t quite live up to the promise of its name, at least it wasn’t a salted-caramel flavoured one. It exhibited, in fact, a nicely-shaped design, in no way comparable to some of the Twisters and, indeed, the Nobbly Bobblies sometimes encountered in such circumstances.

While playing enthusiastically with the boy’s Screwballs, I suggested a Traditional 99 and, having licked his Rocket Lolly all the way down to the stick, enjoyed at the climax a veritable Feast of Mini Milk. It was Fab!

Unfortunately, with the end of my stay in Pattaya fast approaching, there was no more time for any more such assignations. Of course, if there had been, I might have arranged something a little more elaborate. How wonderful it could have been, for instance, to have recruited another of the ice cream lads into our plans and enjoyed an Oreo Cookie Sandwich.

[All the italicised product names above are completely genuine, suggesting that ice cream companies’ marketing departments must be full of people who enjoy a good innuendo or two – probably all graduates of the University of Carry On. See here https://metro.co.uk/2017/06/22/20-british-ice-creams-and-ice-lollies-ranked-from-worst-to-best-6726698/]

Anyway, the ice cream boy has turned out not to be just the source of both fond erotic memories and cheap jokes, but also of speedy confirmation of one of our fondest Thailand clichés – that of the sick buffalo.

Before I left Pattaya, the aforementioned young man had requested my e-mail address. As ever, I’m quite OK with giving that out – it’s often been the source of some subsequent pleasure and, just as frequently, some amusement too. It proved on this occasion to be the latter, for within just 48 hours of my return to the UK there had commenced a brief exchange of e-mails.

Ice cream boy: Hello. How are you in the morning? If I have any problems, you must help me.
Me: Good morning. I hope that you are OK and don't have any problems! Greetings from very cold England.

Strangely enough and by the utterly weirdest of coincidences, within a further 30 minutes a serious difficulty had arisen on the other side of the world.

Ice cream boy: Right now I have a problem. I got caught with a motorcycle and card. Seize my card and bike. Can you help me?
Me: Unfortunately not. Best wishes.

A dead buffalo in less than 48 hours. Is this a record?

[I suspect not - but the question offers an opportunity for us all to exchange a few similar tales of attempts to fleece the assumed-to-be-gullible farang.]

[Ivory]

In my memory there was a case when an unfortunate buffalo died prematurely as soon as we ordered the first drink.

[Khor tose]

I spent the night with a sex god when I first cam to Thailand, and the next morning he invited me to his house. On the way I discovered we had to bring 5500 baht in food, alcohol, and presents. A little under 16 hrs. Many of you will probably disagree, but such happenings make some great memories, even if you are burned at the time. Live and learn and laugh about it later.

[Brad the Impala]

I remember a happy two week dalliance with a young man who worked in one of the bars in Patong. At the end of it I gave him an additional present, sufficient to pay for him to start up a stall in his home town in the deep south of Thailand. This had been mentioned as an ambition for the future, and the sum was not of great consequence to me.

I didn't give him my contact details, and when I next visited Patong a few months later I visited the bar where I had met him, and who do you think I saw on the stage?! By a remarkable coincidence that was his first day back in Patong since his stall had failed! We didn't spend any time together again, other fish beckoned.

I didn't mind that he lied and probably didn't take the opportunity that had been given. I might have done the same thing in his shoes. I was happy to have just given him an opportunity. Perhaps the money ended up in the bank....... unlikely as that is.

[BOY69]

Money boys will make up many tragic fairy tales to extract as much money as they can from their clients this is why they called "money boys". The best thing is to pay them the agreed fee and say goodbye .

[latintopxxx]

you guys are sooooo cold hearted and callous....buffalos die all the time...

[a447]

I've never heard a sick buffalo story, although on a couple of occasions I've been told about a family member who had just become seriously ill or had a motorcycle accident today and can't afford hospital treatment.

One of the first guys I ever spoke to in a bar gave me a hard luck story about how his mother had died in a car accident the previous year. He had no father and was an only child and had to look after his brothers at home. One was very sick at the moment. My new friend was having a difficult time scraping up enough money on which to survive and support his family.

Being new to this game I didn't know what to believe. He certainly sounded genuine and back then I was a very trusting person and had never met a scammer, at least to my knowledge. (I was living in Japan at the time.)

The conversation moved on. It began to flag, as there is only so much you can communicate to each other using gestures. So I pointed to the ring on his finger.

"Very nice."
"Yesterday birthday me. Mother buy for me."
"Bye!"

To be honest, it doesn't bother me at all when they try it on. At the end of the day, if I were in their position I'd probably do the same thing. And if they have a win, it's probably not going to affect most of us anyway.

I have found 99.9% of the guys surprisingly honest.

Those who aren't just need to work harder on their stories!

[BOY69]

In the past I had some boys on long term basis spent most of my vacation with the same boy in this case I don't care to be generous with them and give them substantial fee at the end but I really don't want to hear any fairy tales and if they trying to do so I show no interest so they stop.

[christianpfc]

I had boys asking for money much sooner. In many cases before even meeting. Here the quickest I remember (screenshot from messenger, edited for privacy):

9441

And I left it at that. Have to throw out a few lines (figuratively fishing lines, or here lines of text?) to see who bites and how they tick. Many are not interested at all, some want money, and every now and then you find a gem in the provinces (but requires Thai language skills and travelling).

[goji]

Anyone who opens a discussion asking for money with nothing in return is instantly blocked.

[Zebedee]

Anyone who opens a discussion asking for money with nothing in return is instantly blocked.

You should of mentioned that earlier goji !!!

Any chance of a loan?

[latintopxxx]

funneeeeeeeeee...

[dab69]

Been sending money to a friend.
His friend evidently called me on his phone asking for money for him.
Sent money as usual- Western Union.
Got an email asking to change the name - he is in the hospital and can't get money?
they didn't say the name they want on the Western Union transfer.

He hasn't picked up the last money I send to him last week!
I almost believe his friend.
Sent an email back asking which hospital he is in - there are about eleven hospitals in Pattaya.

https://www.paradise-pattaya.com/pattaya-international-hospital.html

[Nirish guy]

So, for "hospital" that'll either be in jail then or away perhaps on a short out of pattaya trip with a farang friend to some nice place and hence out of town for a while.......what ME,a cynic, never !! :-)

[gerefan2]

So, for "hospital" that'll either be in jail then or away perhaps on a short out of pattaya trip with a farang friend to some nice place and hence out of town for a while.......what ME,a cynic, never !! :-)

And not only that, he wouldn’t be in one of those expensive hospitals on dab69’s list either!

[dab69]

they just had sent me a picture of him in hospital bed trach tube and feeding tube ...

currently shitting my pants- just saw it in Facebook right now holy shit

iv tube on arm, monitor taped to chest...

[Zebedee]

sorry just saw dab69's other post about his friend in hospital
i have deleted my suggestions as they are now irrelevant.
best of luck dab69

[latintopxxx]

lol...how do u know its his brother...and not just a stock pic off the net

[Brad the Impala]

To all the cynics: take the risk sometime to help someone directly without being guided by self interest or fear of being taken advantage of........

[Nirish guy]

Dont think for a second that just because I'm a cynic that I dont don exactly that as I may be a cynic but turns out that I'm also still a sucker and an old softee underneath ( well, sometimes)

[Zebedee]

To all the cynics: take the risk sometime to help someone directly without being guided by self interest or fear of being taken advantage of........
Absolutely !
Equally farang can be,mercilessly taken advantage of....myself included, however if there is a pattern of excuses ,sick buffalos, granny sick, bugie fell off the perch, etc etc it will become obvious the boy is taking the piss. My view is , as Brad suggests give the Boy some slack, think of the consequences for him if you don't help...some instances very serious. Yes it is a risk, but a risk worth taking.

[Oliver2]

Agreed. We choose to stay in Thailand where sex is cheap and available. In doing so we make ourselves vulnerable, but not nearly as vulnerable as some of the guys who place their trust and hopes in a falang, only to find him rejecting them for someone younger or better-looking. They take the more critical risk when they are offed- whether it be from a bar or via an app- than we do when we off them. And even more so when that relationship develops into a LTR.
We should guard against self-pity and resentment when things go wrong, even if there are times when it is understandable. We are the wealthier and stronger partner in the relationship and we chose to come here to a participate in a very foreign culture.
Remember Captain Scott's last diary entry; "We took risks; we know we took them. Things have turned out against us. Therefore we have no cause for complaint."