August 7th, 2006, 08:45
Now it is all over, here are a few parting thoughts, lessons that I have learned etc. I was planning to write a submission when Bee had finished hair-school. It did not quite turn out as I had expected and I will probably never know whether he took his exam and graduated (actually the exam was probably bullshit). But I now have a very good haircut, so you could say тАЬmission accomplishedтАЭ. He now has the option of earning a тАЬdecent livingтАЭ in the future if he chooses (bullshit). If a sponsor buys him a hair salon he will be setup for life.
Before I went to Thailand on business I had no intention of going with a bar boy . I was there to do a job. So I did no prior research about тАЬbar boysтАЭ. Hindsight is a wonderful thing. But my days of innocence were good days, the best days. The phrase тАЬignorance is blissтАЭ is true.
It is no mistake that they are called barboys. They work in bars and men go to bars and drink alcohol and before long rationality disappears. You mix horny men, alcohol and very attractive, and available boys, together with some money and the Farang sex industry is still flourishing in Thailand. Selling your body for money is not a the best way to live, and paying a boy for sex or companionship is not the best thing either. Not the basis for a relationship, but тАЬsomething is better than nothingтАЭ.
My first mistake was to go with a bar boy at all. Alcohol played a big factor in us meeting, him coming to Saraburi, and also on our parting. If I had not been drinking I would never have taken him to my hotel room in the first place. But, he gave me an experience in the early days, that was very good for me. The boys I am talking about are bar boys that do not work as go-go boys.
My second mistake was to go with the first barboy available. I was soon aware that I could have caught a better fish. However, I had only one night in BKK before I had to go to Saraburi to work. I was not on holiday. On one lonely night in Saraburi, 100 km from BKK, I made that fatal call one night to Bee, тАЬBee can you join me in SaraburiтАЭ. If you have spent many lonely nights at home or hotels then you will know why I made that call. He came out the next day, I phone him and asked him where he was he said тАЬI in the Saraburi InnтАЭ and I was very happy.
My relationship with Bee was not about great sex but companionship, eating alone in hotels around the world for the last twenty years is not great. But he also looked after me well, including the sex, which meant a lot to me and was one of the main reasons to continue the sponsorship. He would wash my cloths, put toothpaste on my toothbrush and wash me in the bath at night. We would watch Thai soap operas on TV together. I was lucky that he spoke good English so that we could communicate easily. He did not steal my money, did nor smoke or drink or take drugs. I could introduce him to my Thai friends with no problem. In hind-sight I had picked a boy who could also handle a middle-aged man, he can look after me in bed, not all bar boys can do that, I would not have stayed with him if he could not. Probably a good choice. At weekends we stayed in the Park hotel. I took him to Ko Samui for five nights on holiday and we had a nice time together. Those were my days of innocence and I was happy.
My third mistake was to sponsor him after my visit. After our four weeks together, I had already paid him off and I had discharged my duty. He had given me a nice time and looked after me very well and I had looked after him. BUT I took pity on him and wanted him to have a better life, just as he takes pity on his family and wants a better life for them. When he was living with me in Saraburi, I got emotional with him one night because I was worried about him and he told me тАЬDonтАЩt worry I can look after myselfтАЭ, I should have taken his advice, yes he can look after himself, but I did not believe him at the time. I did not know that he had three other sponsors back then, if I had known, I would not have become sponsor number four. I do not despise those who have made the same decision to sponsor a bar boy. You want a better life for him, so that he does not have to fuck for a living. You might want to stay whit him or you might want to see him again on your next visit. The truth is that if he is young and attractive he is having the time of his life and does not want to leave the bar and he can bullshit you as much as he wants.
Sponsorship might make sense if you want to secure a particular boy for your next visit, that was one reason for me to continue sponsoring Bee, however this failed for me on this visit, he had too many sponsors. Sponsorship does not secure him for you when you are not in Thailand i.e. it does not keep him out of the bar.Just accept that he is with other men when you are away. Sponsorship might succeed if you live in Thailand and you can check up on him, especially if he lives with you. If the boy is good looking then the chances are that he will have more than one sponsor. If two sponsors come to Thailand together he is going to have to work it out, use the sick brother routine or ditch one of the sponsors. The sick brother routine will still work even if you are working in Thailand.
The point is that the holiday visitor to Thailand does not know how the system works. But BKK residents and frequent visitors know how it works. . Residents of BKK who frequent the bar boy district all know boys who have several sponsors and who will pay for a night out if he likes him. I have heard of one boy who has three different coloured mobiles, one for each sponsor. When I was in BKK I heard that another boy had ditched his sponsor of four years when he came to BKK because he had found a richer sponsor.
There is the classic tale of one bar boy who went to the airport to see his farang friend off, and then he went to arrivals to meet the next one .
I also met another farang, he was in BKK for only two days some months ago, he had met a boy for only two days, was emailing him and he was already sending him money. I met him on the first day of his second trip. . I later found out that he also had a another sponsor but they split five days before he arrived.
I know three boys who were engaged to farangs, all three worked in the bar and two of them went with customers, not sure about the third. When farang boyfriend is in town they stop working in the bar and go back to the bar when he leaves. Their sponsors were only sending about 10k. One boy told me, of course I go with customers, that is my job. There are some boys who work behind the bar and do not usually go with customers, the cashier for example, but even them get bar-fined sometimes.
If you are a newbie to Thailand, you might be under the impression that your boy will be lonely after you leave (no he wont). They are introduced to the industry by friends or relatives, in the bar I go , there are two brothers and one cousin working. The boys share rooms together etc. In Bee's apartment I know two other bar boys that have rooms on the same floor. When I first met Bee, I saw him tiny little room, I imagined him alone in his room after I left Thailand. He told me he was lonely by email, I worried about him alone in his room. The truth is that bar boys have a network of friends, aided by that icon of bar-boy-land the mobile phone. Since then I have met BeeтАЩs friends. Please do not think he will be lonely after you leave, he will be back in the bar the next day looking for another punter, he will be eating Som Tam with his friends. The exception is the new boy on the block, but the other boys will look after him. He will be shy, afraid of a farang and will not speak good English and will be crap in bed.
If your boy speaks good English then he will have a good network of friends and has been in the bar business some time, and it will be a waste of time and money trying to rescue him. Sponsorship might just secure him as your boyl friend on your next trip. You might be able to rescue a newbie bar boy, but then it will also be very difficult to get a decent relationship with him because his English is poor. You might be able to sponser a boy who has no sponsors yet and want to
take care a farang. You might also be able to rescue the older bar boy who knows his time is up. Take care a farang might be better than working in the rice fields until he dies. Bee is still in his prime and does not want rescuing yet. It is a matter of timing.
Bee played a very good game with me and made almost no mistakes, his last mistake was letting me see the TG 419 luggage tag and lying about it. His first mistake was telling me that he did not always go to bar-school, sorry I meant hair-school, he gave an excuse of holidays, so I knew he was working in the bar some of the time. I did not let Bee know that I realised he was working in the bar as I wanted to continue seeing him. Further, the hair course was not all day so he could still go hair school and still work in the bar. His second mistake was that on one visit he was wearing four rings when I met him, but an hour later he arrived back just wearing the ring I had bought him. I kept my silence.
I visited his room many times and there was no evidence that there was another sponsor, everything was the same as my last visit. He had no new luxury items, apart from his mobile phone. The rings and gold were the same as before. Not one thing had changed, even on this visit. If he has many sponsors then he is saving the money and not spending it on himself. If he is a saver and not a spender or a gambler then good on him.
On previous visits to BKK, after I went back to Farangland he would SMS me тАЬThough the distance keeps us apart your shadow is always on my heartтАЭ. That is too good to be true, who taught him that one? I am sure there is a bar-school. When I first sent him money he sent me a Yahoo greeting card. Sounds good doesnтАЩt it? He is just reeling you in so that you continue to sponsor him. I checked through his earliest emails, it was also bullshit. тАЬI am lonelyтАЭ, тАЬI miss youтАЭ, тАЬI only go to bar to be with my friends and earn a little money .I not go with customerтАЭ. If you care for your boy then get him investigated, he might still work in the bar but not go with customers, but the chances are that he will be going with other customers, is that acceptable to you?
Not all boys are as clever as Bee with six sponsors. Many are looking for their first sponsor and many want to take care a farang. A farang has money and will probably treat them better than their former Thai boyfriend or gril. I know one boy who is very pretty, lovely smile, nice personality, good body, speaks good English, he looks as good as Bee if not better, but he has no sponsor yet. He says it is because he is not good in bed.
If you live in Farangland this is difficult, he is not going to stay in his room pining away for you to return in six months, he will want to be in the bar with his friends. He might go back to the country and stay with family, but unlikely. Also Bee's hair school is in BKK. To keep him out of the bar it is best to live in BKK or in the country.
Bee never asked me for money or to sponsor him. I was not asked, but I paid him 4,000 room rent for him when we were staying in Saraburi, I had enough common sense to figure that out. I gave him a little spending money, not much. He never asked me to pay his off after our four weeks together, but I knew I should. He never asked me to buy him gold. I think he even mentioned a dowry figure to me once. He was very subtle, he would drop a hint and if you love him or you pity him you want to please him, and you take the bait. He uses the power of suggestion.
Beware of any big requests for money. After Bee had moved into my hotel in Saraburi he hinted that he wanted a house for his family, only 300k (7,500 euro ). It happened like this, Bee and I were at a party and he talks to a Thai guy, he then tells me, that he told him, to ask me to buy him a house. I had only just met the boy and I was not going to shell out 300k and he would still need a source of income. Instead of buying him the house, I figured that I would sponsor him going to hair school instead. I still do not know how the idea of hair school came about, but to me it meant more sense than just sending him money, I had a plan for him. In the end it would have been cheaper for me to buy him the house, but then I will still need to sponsor him so he would continue seeing me. Over a year later he now has a house in Buriram, paid for by sponsors money. If he continued as a hairdresser he would have requested that I buy him a hairdressing business for 300k. He already knew that I would not buy him a business.
Instead of buying a house if you are living with your boyfriend in Thailand. If you shell out 2M on a house and he dumps you, you loose all . Bee already has a sponsor lined up who will buy him a house in BKK..
Once you start the mission go through with it and I have been a stubborn farang on that one. I was only planning to sponsor him for two years, I had hoped that he could maintain himself as a hairdresser by then, he left me just before the two years were up. I guessed that he was still working in the bar and I also guessed he had one other sponsor. If you are a sponsor and living in Farangland then you need to think carefully whether to continue. I was always haunted by the question, тАЬis he different from the other bar boysтАЭ (no he isnтАЩt). You will probably be saying to yourself as I did тАЬbut mine is differentтАЭ.
I also continued to sponsor him because I wanted to see him on my future visits to Thailand, better the devil you know etc. I knew that my company would send me to Thailand quite frequently. He had given me a nice time when I first met him, I will not forget that. But the relationship went down hill after our first time together, I will not forget how it ended either.
Although I had no evidence against him, the fact that he is a bar boy is sufficient evidence against him, for you to get him investigated. Assume that he is guilty and that he has to be proved innocent. Remember this is Thailand not Farangland, where you are innocent before being proved guilty.
On my second and third visits he would bring his hairdressing dummy head to my room and practice his hairdressing stuff. He was putting on a show for me. He also took me shopping to the hair shop to buy hair dressing stuff. On later visits he could cut my hair so at least I had some evidence in his favour. There is always some truth to a good lie, he was leading me on. But he had to work quite hard on this, he was working on his dummy while he could be watching TV.
Bee can speak good English and write reasonable English, so we did have a relationship in which we could communicate, which is a requirement for me. It also means that he has been in the bar too long and he will be smarter than you (and can lie to you better).He did not require an English translator at an Internet caf├й like many of them. He eventually got a computer with an internet connection in his room, and he can use a dictionary. I suggest that finding a boy who speaks reasonable English is a requirement if you want a meaningful relationship, even for one night or four weeks or longer. Do you really want to do sign language for the rest of your holiday? However, forget trying to rescue him, just have a good time.
Maintaining a long distance relationship is difficult at the best of times. It took me a huge amount of emotional energy to maintain this relationship with Bee using text messaging and emails plus the odd phone call. After my first time with him I only had two photos of him, but he had a winsomeness about him that was very nice. Once, we were apart for about 7 months, and shit that was very difficult for me. Maintaining a long distance relationship is very difficult to do and I do not recommend it. It was more like a holiday romance, I should have paid him off and forgotten about him. Unless you can make very frequent visits to Thailand, I would not even consider trying to maintain a long distance relationship with a Thai boy. If you take two weeks holiday a year to Thailand, and you think your honey is pining away in his room for you to return, then forget it, he is not, your honey is with the next punter who comes along because he has to live, that is his job. If you are an oil worker with one month on and one month off it might be worth trying. I was lucky that my company sent me to Thailand two or three times a year for periods of three to seven weeks. In my opinion this is still not often enough. His sponsor visits Thailand maybe five times a year for holiday.
Frankly, if you are a visitor on holiday to Thailand then love them, treat them good, pay them off when you leave and forget about them is the best policy. Giving them your email address may not be a good policy as you might be drawn into their spidery web of deceit. You know, you start corresponding and then come the requests for money and you might even become his sponsor. As soon as you leave them they will be back in the bar the next day or the next hour looking for another punter. The point is that as soon as you are out of Thailand they can do what they want and tell you any old tale about sick mothers or brothers. Bee used the sickbrother routine on me, demand receipts from him if he has medical bills to pay or you send him to hair school because then he will at least know that you are not just another stupid farang.
What about bringing a bar boy back to Farangland? With Bee and me this was never an option as he knew that I worked 7 months a year overseas. We never discussed for him coming to Europe (thank God). He has tried to get visas to Europe and USA with other sponsors but failed. Frankly, I consider bringing a Thai boy back to Farangland to be cruel. The cultural differences are too great. There is the language difference (Thai-English or worst Thai-French). The religious difference, Bee is a devout Buddhist. The food difference, finding Som Tam Lao is difficult in my part of Farangland (they use carrots instead of Papaya and I do not think they have the crabs).
Bee told me his life story, which made me pity him (watch out for that one). He also told me of the тАЬbig problemтАЭ in his life, his mentally ill brother. Watch out, that is the bait on the hook. You care for his sick brother just as you care for your boyfriend because you are a decent farang. But it also means that he can leave you at any time to care for sick brother (while he visits another sponsor) and he can demand money for sick brotherтАЩs medical bills.
If you do decide to sponsor a bar boy then demand accountability. Ask for receipts for medical bills or hairdressing courses. Bee has a тАЬsick brotherтАЭ, I once had to pay a huge amount for a hospital stay. I asked for the hospital receipt and I was never asked for hospital money ever since for тАЬsick brotherтАЭ. Although his тАЬbrotherтАЭ has been sick since then. His тАЬsick brotherтАЭ is also an excuse to leave you when another sponsor arrives. Bee's sick brother lives in Kuala Lumpur not in Buriram.
I also asked for receipts for his hairdressing course which I got, meaningless as they are in Thai, probably from a local restaurant. Keep them and find someone to translate for you, your hotel receptionist can do that, he will then know that he can lie to you a little bit less. You are not just another stupid farang. He will also know that you know the game. He can also cut my hair, so I know he has been to some hairdressing courses. I say тАЬsomeтАЭ because I know he has not been to hair school for the full two years, he told me that. He still worked in the bar while going to hair school. If you want to тАЬrescueтАЭ your boyfriend you have to live in Thailand.
I should have been more pro-active with Bee. When he said, тАЬI go to hair schoolтАЭ, I should have gone with him to hair school, I stayed in bed instead (it was my day off work). I tried to find out where he went to hair school, he gave me an address (he lied). If other sponsors read this then tell us how you make your boy account for his actions. As I said before, I asked for a receipt for тАЬsick brotherтАЭ hospital stay, I never had to pay for тАЬsick brotherтАЭ again. Bee had to figure out new ways to hit me, the next one was for gold, watch out for that one, you will go for it just as I did (yes, I got hit for 3.5 Baht of gold) because you care for him and want to please him. And for really stupid farang it is for diamonds (sorry, I am being cynical). Watch out for the тАЬI lost my mobile phone, I cry, I cannot phone youтАЭ or тАЬmy mobile phone brokeтАЭ, how long after you sponsored him did he try that one? Of course he wants extra money for that.
I would suggest that forming a relation with a Thai boy is a lot easier if you live and work in Thailand. It is a different ball-park completely. I think Farang men can adapt to Thai culture easier than Thai boys to Farang culture. If you go with a Thai bar boy in Thailand it is lot more difficult to bullshit you with the sick buffalo story. You will know whether he is going to the bar or not if he is living with you. It makes accountability much easier. If you are young you also have the chance to find none bar boys, many are interested in young farang men.
The reason I got over the rather sudden and unexpected end to the relationship was that I was not committed to him to fulfil my life. I was committed for him to finish hair school. As a middle-aged man I was not a young man looking for a young boy to bring me future happiness, I was looking for a companion while I was in BKK. If I had been a thirty year old with my future ahead of me and maybe looking for a long relation then I would have been devastated .
As a single middle aged man I look back at the experience and I am thankful that a young boy did his best to look after me. In hind-sight he did a good job. We went on holiday together which I would not have done if I had not met him. I got to know his friends, he also got to know some of my colleagues. All a part of the BKK experience. In a phrase, it is better than no experience. I do not really mind the money, I can afford 20k a month out of income, but I cannot afford 300k for his house out of savings. Some guy is going to be stung for 2M for a house, I hope he is worth it mate.
Closure of a relationship can be both costly and painful in Farangland. How many of you have been through a broken relation, wanting closure to a painful relationship? I think that both of us were ready, but not in that way, he should have told me before I came to BKK. It was then obvious to me that he only wanted my money, he did not love me. He was doing his duty and I was doing my duty. This was probably true for my two previous visits, but I did not get it then. Sad but true.
Now we can both get on with our lives. I no longer have the financial burden of being a sponsor and he no longer has to care for a man he does not like. Needless to say, I wish him a good life and that he does not have to fuck fat farangs for a living. He at least has a choice, he can cut hair for living when he is ready. That is bollocks, he will not cut hair but manage a salon.
The last two years have been an emotional roller-coaster for me, more so because I was wondering whether Bee was the same as the other bar boys, he was and is cleverer than most. I would be blissfully unaware that as soon as I left Thailand he would be back in the bar with another Farang or sponsor. Ignorance is bliss, but the Internet now gives no excuse to be ignorant. As I have been to Thailand eight times, the first two I was not involved in the bar scene, I know from my own experience that this happens to other Farangs. Part of my roller-coaster experience was wondering whether this was true of Bee, it made me almost paranoid on this. I had no evidence against him and I was not planning to stay whit him. I was also partly in on the game and was watching him, evidently I had also deceived him because he still thought that I thought he was no longer working in the bar. If you do have serious intentions for your Thai BF then please get him investigated, the cost is miniscule. Or you just have to accept that he is still working in the bar when you are not with him. I do not think that this makes him a тАЬbad boyтАЭ, that is how he earns his living.
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I am only writing about my experience to enlighten other farangs, especially sponsors, you think you are the тАЬonly oneтАЭ. Bullshit, if he is good enough for you to sponsor then he is good enough for others to sponsor.
In one of his last SMS Bee told me that he тАЬgo back to work in the barтАЭ. He still thought that I was a stupid farang, who thought he had left the bar in the first place. I found that rather amusing as he still did not know that I was on to him early on in our relationship. I had played my part as the stupid farang. He should have known that I was on to him because I teased him about тАЬfarangfriend number 2тАЭ.
I will never know the whole truth, this submission is just my side of it,. I hope it helps another sponsor. Good luck!
:clown: :clown: :clown:
Before I went to Thailand on business I had no intention of going with a bar boy . I was there to do a job. So I did no prior research about тАЬbar boysтАЭ. Hindsight is a wonderful thing. But my days of innocence were good days, the best days. The phrase тАЬignorance is blissтАЭ is true.
It is no mistake that they are called barboys. They work in bars and men go to bars and drink alcohol and before long rationality disappears. You mix horny men, alcohol and very attractive, and available boys, together with some money and the Farang sex industry is still flourishing in Thailand. Selling your body for money is not a the best way to live, and paying a boy for sex or companionship is not the best thing either. Not the basis for a relationship, but тАЬsomething is better than nothingтАЭ.
My first mistake was to go with a bar boy at all. Alcohol played a big factor in us meeting, him coming to Saraburi, and also on our parting. If I had not been drinking I would never have taken him to my hotel room in the first place. But, he gave me an experience in the early days, that was very good for me. The boys I am talking about are bar boys that do not work as go-go boys.
My second mistake was to go with the first barboy available. I was soon aware that I could have caught a better fish. However, I had only one night in BKK before I had to go to Saraburi to work. I was not on holiday. On one lonely night in Saraburi, 100 km from BKK, I made that fatal call one night to Bee, тАЬBee can you join me in SaraburiтАЭ. If you have spent many lonely nights at home or hotels then you will know why I made that call. He came out the next day, I phone him and asked him where he was he said тАЬI in the Saraburi InnтАЭ and I was very happy.
My relationship with Bee was not about great sex but companionship, eating alone in hotels around the world for the last twenty years is not great. But he also looked after me well, including the sex, which meant a lot to me and was one of the main reasons to continue the sponsorship. He would wash my cloths, put toothpaste on my toothbrush and wash me in the bath at night. We would watch Thai soap operas on TV together. I was lucky that he spoke good English so that we could communicate easily. He did not steal my money, did nor smoke or drink or take drugs. I could introduce him to my Thai friends with no problem. In hind-sight I had picked a boy who could also handle a middle-aged man, he can look after me in bed, not all bar boys can do that, I would not have stayed with him if he could not. Probably a good choice. At weekends we stayed in the Park hotel. I took him to Ko Samui for five nights on holiday and we had a nice time together. Those were my days of innocence and I was happy.
My third mistake was to sponsor him after my visit. After our four weeks together, I had already paid him off and I had discharged my duty. He had given me a nice time and looked after me very well and I had looked after him. BUT I took pity on him and wanted him to have a better life, just as he takes pity on his family and wants a better life for them. When he was living with me in Saraburi, I got emotional with him one night because I was worried about him and he told me тАЬDonтАЩt worry I can look after myselfтАЭ, I should have taken his advice, yes he can look after himself, but I did not believe him at the time. I did not know that he had three other sponsors back then, if I had known, I would not have become sponsor number four. I do not despise those who have made the same decision to sponsor a bar boy. You want a better life for him, so that he does not have to fuck for a living. You might want to stay whit him or you might want to see him again on your next visit. The truth is that if he is young and attractive he is having the time of his life and does not want to leave the bar and he can bullshit you as much as he wants.
Sponsorship might make sense if you want to secure a particular boy for your next visit, that was one reason for me to continue sponsoring Bee, however this failed for me on this visit, he had too many sponsors. Sponsorship does not secure him for you when you are not in Thailand i.e. it does not keep him out of the bar.Just accept that he is with other men when you are away. Sponsorship might succeed if you live in Thailand and you can check up on him, especially if he lives with you. If the boy is good looking then the chances are that he will have more than one sponsor. If two sponsors come to Thailand together he is going to have to work it out, use the sick brother routine or ditch one of the sponsors. The sick brother routine will still work even if you are working in Thailand.
The point is that the holiday visitor to Thailand does not know how the system works. But BKK residents and frequent visitors know how it works. . Residents of BKK who frequent the bar boy district all know boys who have several sponsors and who will pay for a night out if he likes him. I have heard of one boy who has three different coloured mobiles, one for each sponsor. When I was in BKK I heard that another boy had ditched his sponsor of four years when he came to BKK because he had found a richer sponsor.
There is the classic tale of one bar boy who went to the airport to see his farang friend off, and then he went to arrivals to meet the next one .
I also met another farang, he was in BKK for only two days some months ago, he had met a boy for only two days, was emailing him and he was already sending him money. I met him on the first day of his second trip. . I later found out that he also had a another sponsor but they split five days before he arrived.
I know three boys who were engaged to farangs, all three worked in the bar and two of them went with customers, not sure about the third. When farang boyfriend is in town they stop working in the bar and go back to the bar when he leaves. Their sponsors were only sending about 10k. One boy told me, of course I go with customers, that is my job. There are some boys who work behind the bar and do not usually go with customers, the cashier for example, but even them get bar-fined sometimes.
If you are a newbie to Thailand, you might be under the impression that your boy will be lonely after you leave (no he wont). They are introduced to the industry by friends or relatives, in the bar I go , there are two brothers and one cousin working. The boys share rooms together etc. In Bee's apartment I know two other bar boys that have rooms on the same floor. When I first met Bee, I saw him tiny little room, I imagined him alone in his room after I left Thailand. He told me he was lonely by email, I worried about him alone in his room. The truth is that bar boys have a network of friends, aided by that icon of bar-boy-land the mobile phone. Since then I have met BeeтАЩs friends. Please do not think he will be lonely after you leave, he will be back in the bar the next day looking for another punter, he will be eating Som Tam with his friends. The exception is the new boy on the block, but the other boys will look after him. He will be shy, afraid of a farang and will not speak good English and will be crap in bed.
If your boy speaks good English then he will have a good network of friends and has been in the bar business some time, and it will be a waste of time and money trying to rescue him. Sponsorship might just secure him as your boyl friend on your next trip. You might be able to rescue a newbie bar boy, but then it will also be very difficult to get a decent relationship with him because his English is poor. You might be able to sponser a boy who has no sponsors yet and want to
take care a farang. You might also be able to rescue the older bar boy who knows his time is up. Take care a farang might be better than working in the rice fields until he dies. Bee is still in his prime and does not want rescuing yet. It is a matter of timing.
Bee played a very good game with me and made almost no mistakes, his last mistake was letting me see the TG 419 luggage tag and lying about it. His first mistake was telling me that he did not always go to bar-school, sorry I meant hair-school, he gave an excuse of holidays, so I knew he was working in the bar some of the time. I did not let Bee know that I realised he was working in the bar as I wanted to continue seeing him. Further, the hair course was not all day so he could still go hair school and still work in the bar. His second mistake was that on one visit he was wearing four rings when I met him, but an hour later he arrived back just wearing the ring I had bought him. I kept my silence.
I visited his room many times and there was no evidence that there was another sponsor, everything was the same as my last visit. He had no new luxury items, apart from his mobile phone. The rings and gold were the same as before. Not one thing had changed, even on this visit. If he has many sponsors then he is saving the money and not spending it on himself. If he is a saver and not a spender or a gambler then good on him.
On previous visits to BKK, after I went back to Farangland he would SMS me тАЬThough the distance keeps us apart your shadow is always on my heartтАЭ. That is too good to be true, who taught him that one? I am sure there is a bar-school. When I first sent him money he sent me a Yahoo greeting card. Sounds good doesnтАЩt it? He is just reeling you in so that you continue to sponsor him. I checked through his earliest emails, it was also bullshit. тАЬI am lonelyтАЭ, тАЬI miss youтАЭ, тАЬI only go to bar to be with my friends and earn a little money .I not go with customerтАЭ. If you care for your boy then get him investigated, he might still work in the bar but not go with customers, but the chances are that he will be going with other customers, is that acceptable to you?
Not all boys are as clever as Bee with six sponsors. Many are looking for their first sponsor and many want to take care a farang. A farang has money and will probably treat them better than their former Thai boyfriend or gril. I know one boy who is very pretty, lovely smile, nice personality, good body, speaks good English, he looks as good as Bee if not better, but he has no sponsor yet. He says it is because he is not good in bed.
If you live in Farangland this is difficult, he is not going to stay in his room pining away for you to return in six months, he will want to be in the bar with his friends. He might go back to the country and stay with family, but unlikely. Also Bee's hair school is in BKK. To keep him out of the bar it is best to live in BKK or in the country.
Bee never asked me for money or to sponsor him. I was not asked, but I paid him 4,000 room rent for him when we were staying in Saraburi, I had enough common sense to figure that out. I gave him a little spending money, not much. He never asked me to pay his off after our four weeks together, but I knew I should. He never asked me to buy him gold. I think he even mentioned a dowry figure to me once. He was very subtle, he would drop a hint and if you love him or you pity him you want to please him, and you take the bait. He uses the power of suggestion.
Beware of any big requests for money. After Bee had moved into my hotel in Saraburi he hinted that he wanted a house for his family, only 300k (7,500 euro ). It happened like this, Bee and I were at a party and he talks to a Thai guy, he then tells me, that he told him, to ask me to buy him a house. I had only just met the boy and I was not going to shell out 300k and he would still need a source of income. Instead of buying him the house, I figured that I would sponsor him going to hair school instead. I still do not know how the idea of hair school came about, but to me it meant more sense than just sending him money, I had a plan for him. In the end it would have been cheaper for me to buy him the house, but then I will still need to sponsor him so he would continue seeing me. Over a year later he now has a house in Buriram, paid for by sponsors money. If he continued as a hairdresser he would have requested that I buy him a hairdressing business for 300k. He already knew that I would not buy him a business.
Instead of buying a house if you are living with your boyfriend in Thailand. If you shell out 2M on a house and he dumps you, you loose all . Bee already has a sponsor lined up who will buy him a house in BKK..
Once you start the mission go through with it and I have been a stubborn farang on that one. I was only planning to sponsor him for two years, I had hoped that he could maintain himself as a hairdresser by then, he left me just before the two years were up. I guessed that he was still working in the bar and I also guessed he had one other sponsor. If you are a sponsor and living in Farangland then you need to think carefully whether to continue. I was always haunted by the question, тАЬis he different from the other bar boysтАЭ (no he isnтАЩt). You will probably be saying to yourself as I did тАЬbut mine is differentтАЭ.
I also continued to sponsor him because I wanted to see him on my future visits to Thailand, better the devil you know etc. I knew that my company would send me to Thailand quite frequently. He had given me a nice time when I first met him, I will not forget that. But the relationship went down hill after our first time together, I will not forget how it ended either.
Although I had no evidence against him, the fact that he is a bar boy is sufficient evidence against him, for you to get him investigated. Assume that he is guilty and that he has to be proved innocent. Remember this is Thailand not Farangland, where you are innocent before being proved guilty.
On my second and third visits he would bring his hairdressing dummy head to my room and practice his hairdressing stuff. He was putting on a show for me. He also took me shopping to the hair shop to buy hair dressing stuff. On later visits he could cut my hair so at least I had some evidence in his favour. There is always some truth to a good lie, he was leading me on. But he had to work quite hard on this, he was working on his dummy while he could be watching TV.
Bee can speak good English and write reasonable English, so we did have a relationship in which we could communicate, which is a requirement for me. It also means that he has been in the bar too long and he will be smarter than you (and can lie to you better).He did not require an English translator at an Internet caf├й like many of them. He eventually got a computer with an internet connection in his room, and he can use a dictionary. I suggest that finding a boy who speaks reasonable English is a requirement if you want a meaningful relationship, even for one night or four weeks or longer. Do you really want to do sign language for the rest of your holiday? However, forget trying to rescue him, just have a good time.
Maintaining a long distance relationship is difficult at the best of times. It took me a huge amount of emotional energy to maintain this relationship with Bee using text messaging and emails plus the odd phone call. After my first time with him I only had two photos of him, but he had a winsomeness about him that was very nice. Once, we were apart for about 7 months, and shit that was very difficult for me. Maintaining a long distance relationship is very difficult to do and I do not recommend it. It was more like a holiday romance, I should have paid him off and forgotten about him. Unless you can make very frequent visits to Thailand, I would not even consider trying to maintain a long distance relationship with a Thai boy. If you take two weeks holiday a year to Thailand, and you think your honey is pining away in his room for you to return, then forget it, he is not, your honey is with the next punter who comes along because he has to live, that is his job. If you are an oil worker with one month on and one month off it might be worth trying. I was lucky that my company sent me to Thailand two or three times a year for periods of three to seven weeks. In my opinion this is still not often enough. His sponsor visits Thailand maybe five times a year for holiday.
Frankly, if you are a visitor on holiday to Thailand then love them, treat them good, pay them off when you leave and forget about them is the best policy. Giving them your email address may not be a good policy as you might be drawn into their spidery web of deceit. You know, you start corresponding and then come the requests for money and you might even become his sponsor. As soon as you leave them they will be back in the bar the next day or the next hour looking for another punter. The point is that as soon as you are out of Thailand they can do what they want and tell you any old tale about sick mothers or brothers. Bee used the sickbrother routine on me, demand receipts from him if he has medical bills to pay or you send him to hair school because then he will at least know that you are not just another stupid farang.
What about bringing a bar boy back to Farangland? With Bee and me this was never an option as he knew that I worked 7 months a year overseas. We never discussed for him coming to Europe (thank God). He has tried to get visas to Europe and USA with other sponsors but failed. Frankly, I consider bringing a Thai boy back to Farangland to be cruel. The cultural differences are too great. There is the language difference (Thai-English or worst Thai-French). The religious difference, Bee is a devout Buddhist. The food difference, finding Som Tam Lao is difficult in my part of Farangland (they use carrots instead of Papaya and I do not think they have the crabs).
Bee told me his life story, which made me pity him (watch out for that one). He also told me of the тАЬbig problemтАЭ in his life, his mentally ill brother. Watch out, that is the bait on the hook. You care for his sick brother just as you care for your boyfriend because you are a decent farang. But it also means that he can leave you at any time to care for sick brother (while he visits another sponsor) and he can demand money for sick brotherтАЩs medical bills.
If you do decide to sponsor a bar boy then demand accountability. Ask for receipts for medical bills or hairdressing courses. Bee has a тАЬsick brotherтАЭ, I once had to pay a huge amount for a hospital stay. I asked for the hospital receipt and I was never asked for hospital money ever since for тАЬsick brotherтАЭ. Although his тАЬbrotherтАЭ has been sick since then. His тАЬsick brotherтАЭ is also an excuse to leave you when another sponsor arrives. Bee's sick brother lives in Kuala Lumpur not in Buriram.
I also asked for receipts for his hairdressing course which I got, meaningless as they are in Thai, probably from a local restaurant. Keep them and find someone to translate for you, your hotel receptionist can do that, he will then know that he can lie to you a little bit less. You are not just another stupid farang. He will also know that you know the game. He can also cut my hair, so I know he has been to some hairdressing courses. I say тАЬsomeтАЭ because I know he has not been to hair school for the full two years, he told me that. He still worked in the bar while going to hair school. If you want to тАЬrescueтАЭ your boyfriend you have to live in Thailand.
I should have been more pro-active with Bee. When he said, тАЬI go to hair schoolтАЭ, I should have gone with him to hair school, I stayed in bed instead (it was my day off work). I tried to find out where he went to hair school, he gave me an address (he lied). If other sponsors read this then tell us how you make your boy account for his actions. As I said before, I asked for a receipt for тАЬsick brotherтАЭ hospital stay, I never had to pay for тАЬsick brotherтАЭ again. Bee had to figure out new ways to hit me, the next one was for gold, watch out for that one, you will go for it just as I did (yes, I got hit for 3.5 Baht of gold) because you care for him and want to please him. And for really stupid farang it is for diamonds (sorry, I am being cynical). Watch out for the тАЬI lost my mobile phone, I cry, I cannot phone youтАЭ or тАЬmy mobile phone brokeтАЭ, how long after you sponsored him did he try that one? Of course he wants extra money for that.
I would suggest that forming a relation with a Thai boy is a lot easier if you live and work in Thailand. It is a different ball-park completely. I think Farang men can adapt to Thai culture easier than Thai boys to Farang culture. If you go with a Thai bar boy in Thailand it is lot more difficult to bullshit you with the sick buffalo story. You will know whether he is going to the bar or not if he is living with you. It makes accountability much easier. If you are young you also have the chance to find none bar boys, many are interested in young farang men.
The reason I got over the rather sudden and unexpected end to the relationship was that I was not committed to him to fulfil my life. I was committed for him to finish hair school. As a middle-aged man I was not a young man looking for a young boy to bring me future happiness, I was looking for a companion while I was in BKK. If I had been a thirty year old with my future ahead of me and maybe looking for a long relation then I would have been devastated .
As a single middle aged man I look back at the experience and I am thankful that a young boy did his best to look after me. In hind-sight he did a good job. We went on holiday together which I would not have done if I had not met him. I got to know his friends, he also got to know some of my colleagues. All a part of the BKK experience. In a phrase, it is better than no experience. I do not really mind the money, I can afford 20k a month out of income, but I cannot afford 300k for his house out of savings. Some guy is going to be stung for 2M for a house, I hope he is worth it mate.
Closure of a relationship can be both costly and painful in Farangland. How many of you have been through a broken relation, wanting closure to a painful relationship? I think that both of us were ready, but not in that way, he should have told me before I came to BKK. It was then obvious to me that he only wanted my money, he did not love me. He was doing his duty and I was doing my duty. This was probably true for my two previous visits, but I did not get it then. Sad but true.
Now we can both get on with our lives. I no longer have the financial burden of being a sponsor and he no longer has to care for a man he does not like. Needless to say, I wish him a good life and that he does not have to fuck fat farangs for a living. He at least has a choice, he can cut hair for living when he is ready. That is bollocks, he will not cut hair but manage a salon.
The last two years have been an emotional roller-coaster for me, more so because I was wondering whether Bee was the same as the other bar boys, he was and is cleverer than most. I would be blissfully unaware that as soon as I left Thailand he would be back in the bar with another Farang or sponsor. Ignorance is bliss, but the Internet now gives no excuse to be ignorant. As I have been to Thailand eight times, the first two I was not involved in the bar scene, I know from my own experience that this happens to other Farangs. Part of my roller-coaster experience was wondering whether this was true of Bee, it made me almost paranoid on this. I had no evidence against him and I was not planning to stay whit him. I was also partly in on the game and was watching him, evidently I had also deceived him because he still thought that I thought he was no longer working in the bar. If you do have serious intentions for your Thai BF then please get him investigated, the cost is miniscule. Or you just have to accept that he is still working in the bar when you are not with him. I do not think that this makes him a тАЬbad boyтАЭ, that is how he earns his living.
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I am only writing about my experience to enlighten other farangs, especially sponsors, you think you are the тАЬonly oneтАЭ. Bullshit, if he is good enough for you to sponsor then he is good enough for others to sponsor.
In one of his last SMS Bee told me that he тАЬgo back to work in the barтАЭ. He still thought that I was a stupid farang, who thought he had left the bar in the first place. I found that rather amusing as he still did not know that I was on to him early on in our relationship. I had played my part as the stupid farang. He should have known that I was on to him because I teased him about тАЬfarangfriend number 2тАЭ.
I will never know the whole truth, this submission is just my side of it,. I hope it helps another sponsor. Good luck!
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