I love her husband, did I really destroy his marriage or it meant to be that way by destiny?

[andyrose]

In the year 2003 I was living in Thailand and struggling with everything in my life.

I’d met Ben, a German guy on a gay dating site and we’d started a relationship.

I’m a Thai guy in my twenties; slim, good looking and Ben was in his sixties; fat, short, and bald.



Sometimes I would stay in his apartment and sometimes I would stay at home. Ben sent me to a German language school in Bangkok to learn how to speak, read and write German. He was a retired professor from a German University and he worked part-time as a German reporter in Thailand. He wrote articles for a local newspaper for the German community in Thailand.



He got quite a good pension from his university and he could live comfortably in Thailand. He also got extra money as a reporter. The cost of living in Thailand is much lower than in Germany; that’s the reason why so many people from first world countries live in Thailand after their retirement.



I didn’t have a job so I helped Ben with his work. He gave me an allowance and some extra money whenever I needed it. Even though he was not rich, he was quite generous with me. It was quite common in Thailand for Western people to give money to their male or female Thai lover.



One day I told him he should move from his apartment to a bigger house. He agreed, and we found a good house to rent. It was much larger and nicer than the apartment. I came to live with him only on and off because sometimes I liked to stay with my mother in her house.



After a few months he told me he loved me very much. He would always give me some kind of affection such as kissing and hugging when I came to his rented house. When I stayed overnight with him, he would always hold me gently while I was sleeping.



One day when we were on the escalator in the shopping mall he touched my hair gently and said my hair was so beautiful. It was so soft like silk and my hairstyle was nice.

One day he told me he wanted to bring me to Germany so we could register as legal partners. It was called a registered partnership and it was available for same sex partner since 2001 in Germany.



We planned to go there and went to the German embassy to learn the procedures. He told me once we became registered partners, I would get his pension for the rest of my life in case he passed away.



He also made a will that I would inherit everything he owned such as an apartment in Cologne and all of his money in his bank account in Germany. He left his will with the German embassy in Bangkok. Everything was fine until some incident happened.



A white Caucasian American man sent me a message through the same gay dating site that I had met Ben. I’d forgotten to deactivate my profile so he was able to send me a message. He said I looked very cute and he would like to get to know me. He described himself and I didn’t think it was going to be a big deal. He wanted to meet me and I agreed. We first met in a restaurant and he - Michael - was so handsome in my eyes. He was 50 years old, tall, lean, but a little muscular.



As soon as we met, I fell in love with him right there, right at that moment. This was my first impression and I could feel the right chemistry. He was very honest with me about his life from the beginning. He told me he’d married a Thai girl about a year ago. He had Ph.D. and he was a teacher.



He also told me he’d worked in Japan for many years and earned a lot more money there but he loved Thailand much more so he decided to settle in Bangkok. He was bisexual and he found me very attractive. I was mesmerized by his charm, personality and physical appearance. He asked me to go back to his condominium because he knew his Thai wife went to visit her parents in another province.



I was very excited with his invitation and I accepted it without hesitation. As soon as we got there, he took me into the living room. We sat there and talked briefly with our hands on each other’s lap. The next thing I knew we were in each other’s arms and he started to give me a deep French kiss. Finally, we were lying completely naked on his bed. It was such wonderful sex as I ever had before in my life.He was so good in bed; he knew how to do it much better than Ben.



I kept the affair secret from Ben and I was sure Michael did the same thing from his Thai wife.

I was madly in love with him and we always called each other over the cell phone. If any days passed that I didn’t hear his voice, I would always be in a bad mood. I felt like I had to hear his voice every day if we couldn’t see each other. We met regularly and we would have sex almost every time in a motel. We developed a strong relationship and I was overwhelmed by his charm. He said he felt the same way as I felt.



After several months I told him that I didn’t want to be in that situation forever. He knew what I meant because by that time he knew about my German lover. I didn’t even want to go to Germany anymore to register the partnership. Michael also told me that since he started an affair with me, he had never had sex with his wife again. He said he didn’t love her in the way he loved me. He didn’t understand why he married her in the first place; maybe he felt sorry for her. He told me something like that.



We agreed to be together and he would take me to America to be his partner over there. He would divorce his wife, and I would tell Ben it was over between us because I had met somebody else.When Ben found out about my affair from my mouth he cried like a baby. I told him our relationship was over and I was going to go to America instead. I still remember his distressed face in the last scene very well.



He was begging me to be with him. He said whatever I did behind his back he had already forgiven me. He said “Please do not leave me; I love you very much; my life will be disaster without you”. I turned him down with a breaking heart.



To be very honest as I am writing this now, I felt very bad, very guilty for that moment. But, I couldn’t do anything.I couldn’t control myself or be with Ben anymore. I couldn’t force myself to love him anymore (if I ever loved him at all). We agreed that he would move back to his apartment. Then, the last day, which I remember very well, he handed me a brown envelop from the bank. I opened it and I saw a whole bunch of cash inside; it was 300,000 baht (about $10,000 USD). He said it was for me to start a new life.



He walked away from me and that was the last time I saw him.

I was so shocked that I couldn’t react to his last message.

Before I knew anything, tears came down my cheeks. There were no words to describe that scene.



Then, suddenly, less than a month after Ben and I separated, Michael told me he had to call off the plan because his wife was pregnant. We would not go to America and he had to be with his wife for the sake of the baby. I was frozen; speechless; looking at him in disbelief.



“I have to take full responsibility for the baby; the baby will need a father.” I remember one of his sentences very well.



“What about me?” I asked with the shaking voice. He said he was sorry but he couldn’t produce any more words. He left me in such confusion. He went back to his apartment to look after his wife and I went home with a broken heart.



My beautiful world lay in front of me totally shattered.

I was more than devastated; I was completely lost.



I felt like someone slapped my face and took my heart away. I felt like I’d fallen from a cliff.

There was a burning inside my heart. I was dead inside, but I still could walk.



I spoke to the mirror in vain. “How could you do this to me? I had sacrificed everything because I loved you and I wanted to be with you. You promised me that you would divorce her to be with me.



You said you loved me and would take me to America.”



“I dumped Ben who loved me very much. I gave up the pension money because I didn’t pursue his registered partnership. I have lost such a big amount of money when Ben changed the will as soon as we separated.

I have nothing now. I have nobody now. My whole world is empty now.”

I mourned and I cried like a wounded person in such agony.

“You betrayed me, and you left me with a severe wound in my heart.



I hate you, you hear me? I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you.”



He didn’t answer his phone no matter how often I tried to reach him. He simply sent me a message “I am so sorry for everything”.

“Yes, sure… you are sorry”



I whispered to myself “but I am going to make you sorry for the rest of your life.”

For months I had to go out every night to drink and party in order to forget him. I came home late and had to take sleeping pill to be able to rest.



I couldn’t get him out of my mind no matter how much I tried. Everywhere I went, I saw his face in front of me. Every night when I slept, I thought he was lying beside me and holding me.When love becomes hate, it is extremely dangerous.At one point, I was planning to kill both of us.



The plan was I would shoot him first and myself after him. Then, I would lie down on top of him so we could be together forever.



My Buddha was the one who changed my mind and turned me to another direction. Maybe, love and hate are too close to each other.



I got wisdom from somewhere, but I used it somewhat in the wrong way.

I sent Michael message one day pretending to be nice to him. I told him I understood his situation and I was going abroad. I would just like to see one last time. He agreed and that would change his life and my life forever.



We met in the same motel that we always used in the past. We were both lying on the bed naked when there was a knock at the door; I knew exactly who it was and I told them to come in. Suddenly, his wife was standing right there in front of us. Her face was as white as a ghost and she looked at her husband speechless. Her face said it all without any words; not one word came from her mouth.



Her face is still in my memory; a face that I will never forget.

I knew how it happened while Michael had no idea at all. He came to see me in a few days later and the first thing I knew he’d pushed me to the floor.



“You set me up, you set the whole thing up” he said in such cold harsh voice; a voice I had never heard from him before.



“You’re darn right” I told him. “I set the whole incident up for your wife to be there to see that scene in the motel.”



He didn’t know that I had asked a friend to call his wife about what time she should go there.



“I give up everything, and I mean everything, because you told me we were going to be together” I started rambling with a shaky voice.



“I had to dump someone who loved me very much because of you. I had lost everything because of you.” My voice was shaking because of the tremendous force of the sensation.



He stared at me before speaking to me in such a cold voice.

“My wife has already left me with my baby in her womb. She wrote a letter that she would have an abortion so I could never see my baby ever. In the letter she stated that she didn’t want the baby to grow up to find out their father was a gay man.



It would hurt the child badly; it would affect the child psychologically. The child would be teased forever and would develop an inferiority complex”.



Suddenly, he came over to attack me. I didn’t even prepare to defend myself because it was not his style. His nature was very calm and he had never shown any signs of violence at all. He grabbed my shirt and threw me down. I grabbed an object and threw it at him; the next thing I knew was we were rolling around. We were lying down on the floor; he was on top of me and I was on top of him. We were silent briefly, trying to catch our breath.

“I never want to see you again in this life time” he said as he left.



Those were the last words from him. This was long ago, more than 10 years, but I can still hear his voice in my memory today.

I was lying on the floor and I was crying like a six year old boy in such pain.



My body was curled up like a child. That scene I’ll never forget for the rest of my life.



My life went downhill as I locked myself away from the world. I couldn’t take care of myself and kept to myself in my room. My mother was the one who stepped in and rescued me. She tried to help me with spiritual stuff and it worked in the end.

Few months later; I was contacted by Stephen (the Canadian man with whom I had contact earlier). We’d lost touch during the time I was having a relationship with Ben.



He asked me if I was still interested in him and would like to relocate to be with him in Canada. It was like a sound from heaven to me.

I couldn’t wait to accept his invitation. My mother and my sister were very happy for me. I got a Canadian visa on my second attempt and was ready to go to Canada the following month.



I wanted to see Michael one more time in my life, but he was no longer in Thailand. When I went to his work place and someone told me he had already gone back to America. I couldn’t get any more information.



One day I found a piece of paper in my drawer which I had forgotten all about. It was Michael’s hand writing with his home address and phone number in America. I called and a lady answered the phone. It was his sister and when I told her who I was she said “I know you”. She even knew my official Thai name. Deep in my heart, my anger went away. I just wanted to speak to Michael and say how very sorry I was for what I’d done to him.



“May I talk to Michael please?” I asked politely.

She said “Michael passed away last week. He was in a car accident. He told me about you and he said he loved you” she said with a normal tone of voice.

My cell phone dropped from my hand and I was frozen in place. I could hear her voice far…far away.



Didn’t I say, a few months earlier, that I wanted him dead? I was the one who hated him so much. Now he was gone.

The tears came down my cheeks like a waterfall.

About a week earlier (before his sister said he was in an accident) I had a dream about him.

In my dream, he came to my bed and said he had already forgiven me. Then, he said good-bye. I tried to call him but he was gone and I then woke up. I’m convinced his spirit came to say good-bye to me.

I’m positive that he loved me but he had to be responsible for his baby. That was why he couldn’t be with me. Sometimes, love is just not enough.

Michael, wherever you are right now, I hope you have found a happy place.

I will always love you and you are always on my mind.

Love.

[andyrose]

It took a lot courage for me to write my dark secret in my love diary, and I really hope it will set my spirit free.

I know what I did was wrong and I am not going to make any excuses to defend myself.

I hope this will give some ideas to some people out there who maybe in a similar situation right now not to do stupid things like I did.

Feel free to leave your comments or your opinions. I can accept both positive and negative comments. I am strong enough now to handle some difficulties.

If I could handle something that used to happen to me in Thailand, then anything that is going to happen to me here means nothing.


Everything in life happens for a reason and everything has its own reason itself.

Karma has followed me all the way down from Thailand to Canada without a doubt.

Karma has its own mysterious way to justified everything in the end, trust me.

[andyrose]

Now, I don't wanna lose you
But I don't wanna use you
Just to have somebody by my side
And I don't wanna hate you
I don't wanna take you
But I don't wanna be the one to cry


And that don't really matter
To anyone anymore

But like a fool I keep losing my place
And I keep seeing you walk through that door


But there's a danger in loving somebody too much

And it's sad when you know it's your heart you can't trust
There's a reason why people don't stay where they are
Baby, sometimes love just ain't enough


Now, I could never change you
I don't want to blame you
Baby, you don't have to take the fall
Yes, I may have hurt you
But I did not desert you
Maybe I just want to have it all


It makes a sound like thunder
It makes me feel like rain
And like a fool who will never see the truth
I keep thinking something's gonna change



And there's no way home

When it's late at night and you're all alone

Are there things that you wanted to say

And do you feel me beside you in your bed
There beside you where I used to lay



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yX9aASk3Df0

[cdnmatt]

Ok, first thing's first before I get to the substance....

You're a Thai guy in his 30s now, right? Where and how did you learn how to write English that well? There's lots of sland and other phrases in there that would never be taught in school or generally learned, unless you're a native English speaker.

[frequent]

Ok, first thing's first before I get to the substance....

You're a Thai guy in his 30s now, right? Where and how did you learn how to write English that well? There's lots of sland and other phrases in there that would never be taught in school or generally learned, unless you're a native English speaker.We'll make a sceptic of you yet, Matt

[cdnmatt]

Well, really... how many Thai guys know what "inferiority complex" means, much less know how to use it properly in a story / article?

And about three dozen other examples in that post.

Who knows, maybe he has a good explanation, and will let all of us kind and gentle folk on SGT know.
wqw

[andyrose]

I delete this one.

[andyrose]

Ok, first thing's first before I get to the substance....

You're a Thai guy in his 30s now, right? Where and how did you learn how to write English that well? There's lots of sland and other phrases in there that would never be taught in school or generally learned, unless you're a native English speaker.



I used to study in England and the states before. I came from an upper class family in Thailand. My father was quite well-off at that time. My siblings all went to abroad to study with my father's financial support.

When I was young I went to private christian school in Bangkok to study and English was my favorite subject.
And I have been living in Canada (English speaking country) for more than 10 years now. Therefore, you shouldn't be surprised with my English.

My English is not perfect because it's not my first language, but a little bit o.k..
You can ask me anything, and if I would like to answer I will do it.
However, if I don't want to answer, it's my right to do so as well.

I am definitely a Thai guy and not all Thai guys who have farang boyfriends are uneducated.

You can see my photos whether I am a Thai guy or not from my facebook.
https://www.facebook.com/andykellyrose

I hope you got the answer.

[cdnmatt]

Ok, good enough for me, and I'll take you at your word. And no, I don't think all Thais are uneducated, so don't paint me with that brush either. It's just you used a whole lot of slang and other phrases in your post that generally, only a native English speaker would know. You could be a highly educated German businessman, and still not know some of the phrases you used. But my main business partner these days is an arabic Jordanian fellow who speaks English just as well as you and I do, so whatever...


Anyway, as to your post, if you want my blund response...

You're a dick. Don't cheat, pure and simple. And don't lie.

If you want to break it off with someone for whatever reason, then no problem, and just do it, but do it with grace and honesty. Don't string some guy along like that, while having a secret relationship on the side while you try and figure out which you like better. That's bullshit to do that to the first guy who's only fault was that he loved you, and you took advantage of that.

In return you decided to lie to him, while cheating on him behind his back, then surprised him by letting him know you've been having an affair for a long time and are breaking it off. That's simply a shitty thing to do to another human being, and although I don't generally like to see my fellow human hurt, there's a small part of me that is glad you ended up in despair.

Karma works...

[frequent]

And I have been living in Canada (English speaking country) for more than 10 years now. This latest set of posts is simply a reprise of what you posted back in 2014/15

https://sawatdeenetwork.com/v4/showthread.php?16853-A-confession-from-a-bad-Thai-guy-and-I-am-facing-depression&highlight=
https://sawatdeenetwork.com/v4/showthread.php?16723-I-am-a-Thai-guy-and-I-need-help-or-advice-please&highlight=
https://sawatdeenetwork.com/v4/showthread.php?18198-Are-there-any-successful-stories-regarding-the-relationships-between-Thai-and-Farang&highlight=

Definitely consistent!

[andyrose]

This latest set of posts is simply a reprise of what you posted back in 2014/15

https://sawatdeenetwork.com/v4/showthread.php?16853-A-confession-from-a-bad-Thai-guy-and-I-am-facing-depression&highlight=
https://sawatdeenetwork.com/v4/showthread.php?16723-I-am-a-Thai-guy-and-I-need-help-or-advice-please&highlight=
https://sawatdeenetwork.com/v4/showthread.php?18198-Are-there-any-successful-stories-regarding-the-relationships-between-Thai-and-Farang&highlight=

Definitely consistent!


I first came to Canada in March 2005 and I stayed for 5 years until 2010 without going back to Thailand. And from 2010-2018, I went back and forth Thailand-Canada. And I know how many years I have lived in Canada. The total that I have lived here is more or about 10 years.

[andyrose]

Ok, good enough for me, and I'll take you at your word. And no, I don't think all Thais are uneducated, so don't paint me with that brush either. ...


I didn't paint anything to you with any brushes. I just made a factual statement.
And the rest of your post, you are entitled to your opinion and I am not going to get involved with yours in that area either.

[cdnmatt]

So are you back in a relationship now, or alone at the moment?

[francois]

Great story, andyrose.

[scottish-guy]

I'm sure that (with some role reversal for box-office reasons), a movie could be made on the basis of "Andy's" tale.

Just a pity Lana Turner is no longer with us

[frequent]

I'm sure that (with some role reversal for box-office reasons), a movie could be made on the basis of "Andy's" tale. Just a pity Lana Turner is no longer with usarsenal would perhaps recommend Jacqueline Pearce who is also, sadly, no longer with us https://sawatdeenetwork.com/v4/showthread.php?20275-RIP-Jacqueline-Pearce. I'm more a Hattie Jacques afficionado but she died young(ish) almost 40 years ago. However it raises the question - if a woman plays a man (or vice versa) is this now not the sin of gender appropriation?

[scottish-guy]

.... if a woman plays a man (or vice versa) is this now not the sin of gender appropriation?

Any reason to lock Julie Andrews up has to be supported.

7915

[arsenal]

Arsenal is currently watching a fuck off huge hornet flying around the place and is too scared to care.

[arsenal]

OK. It's gone. I think Kathleen Turner would be fantastic. She was right on Streeps shoulder until ill health curtailed her career.

[frequent]

Arsenal is currently watching a fuck off huge hornet flying around the place and is too scared to care.For god's sake arsenal what are the servants doing?

[arsenal]

It's their half day a month off. They've gone to the seaside for a paddle and a fish supper.

[frequent]

It's their half day a month off. They've gone to the seaside for a paddle and a fish supper.No rain?

[arsenal]

Well I don't know but although most earn somewhat below the minimum wage they can probably afford an umbrella between them. Anyway, they're all Scottish so they're used to it.

[frequent]

Well I don't know but although most earn somewhat below the minimum wage they can probably afford an umbrella between them. Anyway, they're all Scottish so they're used to it.You exploit your servants? Oh, tut

[francois]

frequent said this

arsenal said that

frequent said this and that

arsenal said this and that and something else

then frequent said ....

Never ending line of persiflage.

[DoubleDutch]

This reads like 9th grader trying to write a novel.
But I'm bored to death, so I did read the whole thing.

You should take creative writing lessons from Cdnmatt, he does it better. Still, A for an effort.

If I may, you should move the escalator scene towards the very beginning in your timeline, foreigners do not wait 2 months to gently touch hair on an escalator, after you been fucking for several months, move this episode to day 2.



One day when we were on the escalator in the shopping mall he touched my hair gently and said my hair was so beautiful

[Manforallseasons]

At the same time Scottish will say to himself .... gee I have I have nothing to post today...oh well that never stopped me before.

[gerefan2]

Never ending line of persiflage.

The next Frenchman to use big words like that (which makes this average Brit go to google) goes straight onto my ignore list.

[scottish-guy]

...foreigners do not wait 2 months to gently touch hair on an escalator, after you been fucking for several months.

Forget "Andy" - there's a real e-romance developing here on the board between an elderly man and his catamite

7933

[arsenal]

I'm guessing referring to yourself and NIrish. But which is which.

[Dimsumbear]

You didn’t have to but thank you for proving your identity by directing us to your Facebook. This is not exactly the best place to open up, as even I am guilty of only asking where to get Viagra without prescription or to the best sex show in Pattaya. Nevertheless I feel your pain to have to choose over your heart or head. Sometimes someone stays for a season, sometimes for a reason.

[Smiles]

If anyone is interested in reading this trash, I've condensed it so it's at least a tiny bit readable. Scrolling down a post for about 3 kilometers is not my favourite past time.
It's a troll of course, and simply just a sequel to the other three ... Andy started posting the same old tearful story back in 2014.
If I even for a minute thought there was any truth in these posts I still would put everything he's written into three words which he writes in this last saga: “What about me?”

Who's cuppa tea is this?



In the year 2003 I was living in Thailand and struggling with everything in my life.

I’d met Ben, a German guy on a gay dating site and we’d started a relationship.

I’m a Thai guy in my twenties; slim, good looking and Ben was in his sixties; fat, short, and bald.
Sometimes I would stay in his apartment and sometimes I would stay at home. Ben sent me to a German language school in Bangkok to learn how to speak, read and write German. He was a retired professor from a German University and he worked part-time as a German reporter in Thailand. He wrote articles for a local newspaper for the German community in Thailand.
He got quite a good pension from his university and he could live comfortably in Thailand. He also got extra money as a reporter. The cost of living in Thailand is much lower than in Germany; that’s the reason why so many people from first world countries live in Thailand after their retirement.
I didn’t have a job so I helped Ben with his work. He gave me an allowance and some extra money whenever I needed it. Even though he was not rich, he was quite generous with me. It was quite common in Thailand for Western people to give money to their male or female Thai lover.
One day I told him he should move from his apartment to a bigger house. He agreed, and we found a good house to rent. It was much larger and nicer than the apartment. I came to live with him only on and off because sometimes I liked to stay with my mother in her house.
After a few months he told me he loved me very much. He would always give me some kind of affection such as kissing and hugging when I came to his rented house. When I stayed overnight with him, he would always hold me gently while I was sleeping.

One day when we were on the escalator in the shopping mall he touched my hair gently and said my hair was so beautiful. It was so soft like silk and my hairstyle was nice.
One day he told me he wanted to bring me to Germany so we could register as legal partners. It was called a registered partnership and it was available for same sex partner since 2001 in Germany.
We planned to go there and went to the German embassy to learn the procedures. He told me once we became registered partners, I would get his pension for the rest of my life in case he passed away.

He also made a will that I would inherit everything he owned such as an apartment in Cologne and all of his money in his bank account in Germany. He left his will with the German embassy in Bangkok. Everything was fine until some incident happened.

A white Caucasian American man sent me a message through the same gay dating site that I had met Ben. I’d forgotten to deactivate my profile so he was able to send me a message. He said I looked very cute and he would like to get to know me. He described himself and I didn’t think it was going to be a big deal. He wanted to meet me and I agreed. We first met in a restaurant and he - Michael - was so handsome in my eyes. He was 50 years old, tall, lean, but a little muscular.
As soon as we met, I fell in love with him right there, right at that moment. This was my first impression and I could feel the right chemistry. He was very honest with me about his life from the beginning. He told me he’d married a Thai girl about a year ago. He had Ph.D. and he was a teacher.

He also told me he’d worked in Japan for many years and earned a lot more money there but he loved Thailand much more so he decided to settle in Bangkok. He was bisexual and he found me very attractive. I was mesmerized by his charm, personality and physical appearance. He asked me to go back to his condominium because he knew his Thai wife went to visit her parents in another province.

I was very excited with his invitation and I accepted it without hesitation. As soon as we got there, he took me into the living room. We sat there and talked briefly with our hands on each other’s lap. The next thing I knew we were in each other’s arms and he started to give me a deep French kiss. Finally, we were lying completely naked on his bed. It was such wonderful sex as I ever had before in my life.He was so good in bed; he knew how to do it much better than Ben.
I kept the affair secret from Ben and I was sure Michael did the same thing from his Thai wife.

I was madly in love with him and we always called each other over the cell phone. If any days passed that I didn’t hear his voice, I would always be in a bad mood. I felt like I had to hear his voice every day if we couldn’t see each other. We met regularly and we would have sex almost every time in a motel. We developed a strong relationship and I was overwhelmed by his charm. He said he felt the same way as I felt.
After several months I told him that I didn’t want to be in that situation forever. He knew what I meant because by that time he knew about my German lover. I didn’t even want to go to Germany anymore to register the partnership. Michael also told me that since he started an affair with me, he had never had sex with his wife again. He said he didn’t love her in the way he loved me. He didn’t understand why he married her in the first place; maybe he felt sorry for her. He told me something like that.
We agreed to be together and he would take me to America to be his partner over there. He would divorce his wife, and I would tell Ben it was over between us because I had met somebody else.When Ben found out about my affair from my mouth he cried like a baby. I told him our relationship was over and I was going to go to America instead. I still remember his distressed face in the last scene very well.

He was begging me to be with him. He said whatever I did behind his back he had already forgiven me. He said “Please do not leave me; I love you very much; my life will be disaster without you”. I turned him down with a breaking heart.

To be very honest as I am writing this now, I felt very bad, very guilty for that moment. But, I couldn’t do anything.I couldn’t control myself or be with Ben anymore. I couldn’t force myself to love him anymore (if I ever loved him at all). We agreed that he would move back to his apartment. Then, the last day, which I remember very well, he handed me a brown envelop from the bank. I opened it and I saw a whole bunch of cash inside; it was 300,000 baht (about $10,000 USD). He said it was for me to start a new life.
He walked away from me and that was the last time I saw him. I was so shocked that I couldn’t react to his last message.
Before I knew anything, tears came down my cheeks. There were no words to describe that scene.

Then, suddenly, less than a month after Ben and I separated, Michael told me he had to call off the plan because his wife was pregnant. We would not go to America and he had to be with his wife for the sake of the baby. I was frozen; speechless; looking at him in disbelief.
“I have to take full responsibility for the baby; the baby will need a father.” I remember one of his sentences very well.
“What about me?” I asked with the shaking voice. He said he was sorry but he couldn’t produce any more words. He left me in such confusion. He went back to his apartment to look after his wife and I went home with a broken heart.
My beautiful world lay in front of me totally shattered. I was more than devastated; I was completely lost.
I felt like someone slapped my face and took my heart away. I felt like I’d fallen from a cliff. There was a burning inside my heart. I was dead inside, but I still could walk.
I spoke to the mirror in vain. “How could you do this to me? I had sacrificed everything because I loved you and I wanted to be with you. You promised me that you would divorce her to be with me.
You said you loved me and would take me to America.”
“I dumped Ben who loved me very much. I gave up the pension money because I didn’t pursue his registered partnership. I have lost such a big amount of money when Ben changed the will as soon as we separated.
I have nothing now. I have nobody now. My whole world is empty now.”
I mourned and I cried like a wounded person in such agony.
“You betrayed me, and you left me with a severe wound in my heart.
I hate you, you hear me? I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you.”
He didn’t answer his phone no matter how often I tried to reach him. He simply sent me a message “I am so sorry for everything”.
“Yes, sure… you are sorry”
I whispered to myself “but I am going to make you sorry for the rest of your life.”
For months I had to go out every night to drink and party in order to forget him. I came home late and had to take sleeping pill to be able to rest.
I couldn’t get him out of my mind no matter how much I tried. Everywhere I went, I saw his face in front of me. Every night when I slept, I thought he was lying beside me and holding me.When love becomes hate, it is extremely dangerous.At one point, I was planning to kill both of us.
The plan was I would shoot him first and myself after him. Then, I would lie down on top of him so we could be together forever.
My Buddha was the one who changed my mind and turned me to another direction. Maybe, love and hate are too close to each other.
I got wisdom from somewhere, but I used it somewhat in the wrong way.
I sent Michael message one day pretending to be nice to him. I told him I understood his situation and I was going abroad. I would just like to see one last time. He agreed and that would change his life and my life forever.

We met in the same motel that we always used in the past. We were both lying on the bed naked when there was a knock at the door; I knew exactly who it was and I told them to come in. Suddenly, his wife was standing right there in front of us. Her face was as white as a ghost and she looked at her husband speechless. Her face said it all without any words; not one word came from her mouth.
Her face is still in my memory; a face that I will never forget.
I knew how it happened while Michael had no idea at all. He came to see me in a few days later and the first thing I knew he’d pushed me to the floor.
“You set me up, you set the whole thing up” he said in such cold harsh voice; a voice I had never heard from him before.
“You’re darn right” I told him. “I set the whole incident up for your wife to be there to see that scene in the motel.”
He didn’t know that I had asked a friend to call his wife about what time she should go there.
“I give up everything, and I mean everything, because you told me we were going to be together” I started rambling with a shaky voice.
“I had to dump someone who loved me very much because of you. I had lost everything because of you.” My voice was shaking because of the tremendous force of the sensation.
He stared at me before speaking to me in such a cold voice.
“My wife has already left me with my baby in her womb. She wrote a letter that she would have an abortion so I could never see my baby ever. In the letter she stated that she didn’t want the baby to grow up to find out their father was a gay man.
It would hurt the child badly; it would affect the child psychologically. The child would be teased forever and would develop an inferiority complex”.
Suddenly, he came over to attack me. I didn’t even prepare to defend myself because it was not his style. His nature was very calm and he had never shown any signs of violence at all. He grabbed my shirt and threw me down. I grabbed an object and threw it at him; the next thing I knew was we were rolling around. We were lying down on the floor; he was on top of me and I was on top of him. We were silent briefly, trying to catch our breath.
“I never want to see you again in this life time” he said as he left.
Those were the last words from him. This was long ago, more than 10 years, but I can still hear his voice in my memory today.
I was lying on the floor and I was crying like a six year old boy in such pain.
My body was curled up like a child. That scene I’ll never forget for the rest of my life.
My life went downhill as I locked myself away from the world. I couldn’t take care of myself and kept to myself in my room. My mother was the one who stepped in and rescued me. She tried to help me with spiritual stuff and it worked in the end.
Few months later; I was contacted by Stephen (the Canadian man with whom I had contact earlier). We’d lost touch during the time I was having a relationship with Ben.
He asked me if I was still interested in him and would like to relocate to be with him in Canada. It was like a sound from heaven to me.
I couldn’t wait to accept his invitation. My mother and my sister were very happy for me. I got a Canadian visa on my second attempt and was ready to go to Canada the following month.
I wanted to see Michael one more time in my life, but he was no longer in Thailand. When I went to his work place and someone told me he had already gone back to America. I couldn’t get any more information.
One day I found a piece of paper in my drawer which I had forgotten all about. It was Michael’s hand writing with his home address and phone number in America. I called and a lady answered the phone. It was his sister and when I told her who I was she said “I know you”. She even knew my official Thai name. Deep in my heart, my anger went away. I just wanted to speak to Michael and say how very sorry I was for what I’d done to him.
“May I talk to Michael please?” I asked politely.
She said “Michael passed away last week. He was in a car accident. He told me about you and he said he loved you” she said with a normal tone of voice.
My cell phone dropped from my hand and I was frozen in place. I could hear her voice far…far away.
Didn’t I say, a few months earlier, that I wanted him dead? I was the one who hated him so much. Now he was gone.
The tears came down my cheeks like a waterfall.
About a week earlier (before his sister said he was in an accident) I had a dream about him.
In my dream, he came to my bed and said he had already forgiven me. Then, he said good-bye. I tried to call him but he was gone and I then woke up. I’m convinced his spirit came to say good-bye to me.
I’m positive that he loved me but he had to be responsible for his baby. That was why he couldn’t be with me. Sometimes, love is just not enough.
Michael, wherever you are right now, I hope you have found a happy place.
I will always love you and you are always on my mind.

Love.

[frequent]

Who's cuppa tea is this?Mills & Boon

[Smiles]

" ... (I) gently touch (his) hair on an escalator ... "Extraordinarly creepy.

[andyrose]

I refuse to engage in similar mud slinging.

I don’t know where or by whom someone in this thread was raised.

But my teacher in Thailand taught me when you have nothing nice to say about someone, then say nothing.
Clearly, they were absent on the day that lesson was taught.

I will not let these people bother me at all, and their words do not bother me.They may bother me if it was 15 years ago when I was young and immature.

When you get older and more mature you tend to handle the situation in a much better way. There are lots of ways to handle the situation and I am choosing to handle it with class.

I talked to my ex-Canadian common law partner this afternoon over the phone( the one I stayed with for 5 years from 2005-2010). He told me to ignore those people who said nasty things to me. There are always and always some people like that on the internet. I thought, at first I was going to show some documents to prove my case that my story was based on true story, true incident. But my ex-Canadian partner told me " don't even think about it". And, I kind of agreed with him and I asked myself.

"Why should I prove anything to them?"
"I don't even know who they are while I am very open about myself with my photos."

I can never avoid that kind of people, but I can choose not to let them bother me.

By the way, today's Toronto weather in the afternoon was so beautiful.

Right now 2 a.m. in the morning and I am going to take a walk again. I also like to take a walk in the night time because it's so quiet, peaceful and serene. It gives me such a good feeling and helps me to sleep quite well.

Have a nice day

[frequent]

But my teacher in Thailand taught me when you have nothing nice to say about someone, then say nothing.Many people claim their mother taught them that. The Jews found it very useful advice in Nazi Germany. It's a piece of advice that is worth every penny of the cost of giving it.* My mother taught me never to speak to strange men, a piece of advice I have successfully ignored throughout my adolescent and adult life

*ie. it's cost-free advice and therefore worth nothing

[snotface]

It's a troll of course...

It's not obvious to me that he's a troll. Messed up as a person, yes. If you strip away the truly awful writing style (which, sadly, the OP clearly thinks lends dignity to his tale), you are left with an all too believable set of events: young Thai acquires kindly older patron, younger, sexier alternative appears, younger alternative changes mind, revenge by the Thai. The OP was fortunate in that another Canadian patron whisked him abroad after that.


I refuse to engage in similar mud slinging.

Good for you, but if you put a downbeat tale like this on a gay message board you must expect some harsh feedback. And adding that you are 'choosing to handle it with class' (in bold type no less) does not help your cause - it merely encourages people to believe that you're a bit full of yourself for all your apparent remorse at events years ago.

[scottish-guy]

...My mother taught me never to speak to strange men...

Did she also tell you to stop touching yourself?

Mine did.

So I started talking to strange men and found they'd happily do it for me.

[cdnmatt]

See, and here we go again... Jesus christ, are some of you guys ever assholes.

Throwing a public trantrum again, yelling troll and liar. How do you know? Then you guys turn around, and bitch and complain that the bored is dead and there isn't enough activity. That generally leads to you guys blaming it on Moses for some unknown reason.

For years you guys were running around saying I'm a troll, a liar, I don't exist, I'm just a figment of my own imagination, and so on. I'm pretty sure now I've finally gotten through your thick heads that I am actually exactly who I say I am.

What proof do you guys have that this guy is a troll? I questioned his command of the English language, and he gave me an answer that was good enough for me. I have no reason to doubt him, and neither do you guys, except for just being dicks.

Besides, if he was a troll / liar, why would he make a post explaining how horrible of a human being he is? Wouldn't he come up with something a little better?

Either quit being assholes to everyone that shows up on SGT, or quit complaining the board is so dead. Geez, you guys...

[gerefan2]

I'm pretty sure now I've finally gotten through your thick heads that I am actually exactly who I say I am.

...

Exactly...to those with thick heads... ONLY.

[frequent]

See, and here we go again... Jesus christ, are some of you guys ever assholes.

Throwing a public trantrum again, yelling troll and liar. How do you know? Then you guys turn around, and bitch and complain that the bored is dead and there isn't enough activity. That generally leads to you guys blaming it on Moses for some unknown reason.

For years you guys were running around saying I'm a troll, a liar, I don't exist, I'm just a figment of my own imagination, and so on. I'm pretty sure now I've finally gotten through your thick heads that I am actually exactly who I say I am.

What proof do you guys have that this guy is a troll? I questioned his command of the English language, and he gave me an answer that was good enough for me. I have no reason to doubt him, and neither do you guys, except for just being dicks.

Besides, if he was a troll / liar, why would he make a post explaining how horrible of a human being he is? Wouldn't he come up with something a little better?

Either quit being assholes to everyone that shows up on SGT, or quit complaining the board is so dead. Geez, you guys...
A lovely rant Matt; it’s made my day. As I’ve said many times your story which I’ve followed over many years is probably true and I tend to think you credible. That’s because among things it’s very difficult to pose as an ignorant, entitled millennial constantly whining about the state of the world consistently in post after post over many years. But that’s an aside from your story of Kim, dogs, your love of having deep and meaningful conversations in Thai with various tradespeople and the constant reference to how a materialistic, chauvinistic, superstitious and politically oppressive society like Thailand is infinitely superior to, say, Canada, where you can freely express your hatred of various political figures and - as you did in another post recently - argue against the institution of monarchy

Oh, and then there’s Bitcoin of course

[Smiles]

And this, his last two sentences:


" ... Michael, wherever you are right now, I hope you have found a happy place.
I will always love you and you are always on my mind ... "


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aDqqm_gTPjc

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a-ovtpO6sUo

[frequent]

And this, his last two sentences:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aDqqm_gTPjc

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a-ovtpO6sUoAlways good to acknowledge someone who reads Sawatdee - as the ex-boyfriend must do, presumably

[andyrose]

There are so many things in my life that happened and cannot be explained.
But I believe they happened for a reason; they must have a reason of their own.

There are miracles and mysteries that have happened that science cannot explain how or why they happened.

As a Thai person and a Buddhist, I believe in Karma and deep in my heart I know it's real. It's a supernatural process that even science (the most accessible judge for the majority of people) cannot explain it.


Even Christians believe "what goes around comes around;" that's a type of karma, isn't it? I learned this phrase when I first came to Canada in 2005.



Karma is the law of the universe; it's so real; so ...so real; and it's justified for everyone.



You may wonder why - because sometimes you can break the law - but you can never get away from karma.

For example, Mr.B committed a crime and was able to walk away without serving time in jail. He was smart enough to manipulate the evidence; the court failed to convict him, not because he wasn't guilty, but because there was insufficient evidence to convict him.
However, karma had it's say in the different direction. Mr.B got an accident and almost lost his life. That was his conviction.



There is always someone upstairs watching you.



Now, coming back to me, what I did may not have been illegal, but it was immoral and that is a reason why I'm here.


There are many reasons why I am right here now, right in this place.

That's all I can say at the moment.

[frequent]

Typical Thai religious obscurantism, redolent of the sort of rubbish Christian Evangelicals still embrace, let alone Italian and Greek peasants and their primitive Catholicism/Orthodoxy. Cue for Matt to tell us how wonderful it is to live in a Buddhist society (unless you're a Rhohingya (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rohingya_people) of course)

[Smiles]

" ... There are many reasons why I am right here now, right in this place.
That's all I can say at the moment ... "
Whoa baby! Glad to see you've finally maneuvered around that enormous mountain of hoary old cliches. Keep this up and sooner or later you'll find that yellow brick road I'm sure . . . so do carry on.

[scottish-guy]

I'm not sure exactly which varieties of narcotics Andy is on but he needs to get into rehab ASAP.

Once clear, he will find that copious quantities of good old legal Gin produces a similar melancholic, self-pitying effect at lower cost and without the risk of an extended spell in the hoosego.

They don't call it "Mother's Ruin" for nothing and I thoroughly recommend it taken with cucumber.

If preferred, you can even put the cucumber in the Gin

[francois]

Keep on posting your story, andyrose, I for one, believe every word you write as if gospel or maybe, karma.

[Smiles]

Keep on posting your story, andyrose, I for one, believe every word you write as if gospel or maybe, karma.Oh Francis ... you're just a loveable contrarian who specialises in 'naivete' learned centuries ago in Boy Scouts. I'm sure you still have a button for that. I love that!

Just for the record, I have a few buttons myself. My favourite was in 'masturbation'.

[frequent]

Oh Francis ... you're just a loveable contrarian who specialises in 'naivete' learned centuries ago in Boy Scouts. I'm sure you still have a button for that. I love that! Just for the record, I have a few buttons myself. My favourite was in 'masturbation'.You too were a debater at school? We had mass debates at my school. However my impression is that what you call buttons are officially known as "badges". Scouting For Boys is one of my favourite books

Since francois is such a believer can you recall if he's similarly a believer in the handicap of one of our other members whose claims are similarly disbelieved?

[arsenal]

You had masturbates at your school? That explains a lot.

[frequent]

You had masturbates at your school? That explains a lot.It was St Wankers. We had to get some protein into the school meals somehow. The girls' school down the road was St Sluts

[arsenal]

Well I would never suggest it gave you a lifetime's training to be a wanker but.....

[frequent]

Well I would never suggest it gave you a lifetime's training to be a wanker but.....Everyone needs a hobby or two

[Smiles]

Now that I think about it, Andy desperately needs some serious wanking, and lots of it.
I'm certain such a regimen -- daily, or better yet, hourly -- would cause a major change in his world view in general.

[francois]

Since francois is such a believer can you recall if he's similarly a believer in the handicap of one of our other members whose claims are similarly disbelieved?

Likewise, frequent, I believe every word you, arsenal, latintop and scottish-guy post.

[arsenal]

Don't quite know how I got corralled with that triumvirate of invertebrates.

[scottish-guy]

Likewise, frequent, I believe every word you, arsenal, latintop and scottish-guy post.

Kindly point to where I have posted any lie on any matter of substance.

[arsenal]

Well you did say you were leaving and posted a long rather melodramatic goodbye.
This one.

https://sawatdeenetwork.com/v4/showthread.php?19657-Useless-crap/page2

[francois]

Kindly point to where I have posted any lie on any matter of substance.
I said I believe every word you and others have posted. So what is the problem?

[scottish-guy]

As you well know, what you said and what you insinuated are direct opposites

[arsenal]

See post 59 for details.

[frequent]

See post 59 for details.Come on, ladies, I want a clean fight, no spitting, no biting - and remember that scratching means you'll have to re-paint your fingernails afterwards

[cdnmatt]

As a Thai person and a Buddhist, I believe in Karma and deep in my heart I know it's real. It's a supernatural process that even science (the most accessible judge for the majority of people) cannot explain it.

Of course karma exists, and it's very easy to explain. There's lots of different sayings for it. Once main one is simply, "treat people how you want to be treated". If you wander around this life being an asshole to your fellow human, then don't be overly surprised when others treat you like an asshole. It's really not that difficult of a concept.

Another is, "I'm my brother's keeper, I'm my sister's keeping", basically meaning we're all in this together whether we like it or not, so prop each other up, don't tear each other down.

You're a Buddhist, you should know this already.

[frequent]

Of course karma exists, and it's very easy to explain. There's lots of different sayings for it. Once main one is simply, "treat people how you want to be treated". If you wander around this life being an asshole to your fellow human, then don't be overly surprised when others treat you like an asshole. It's really not that difficult of a concept.

Another is, "I'm my brother's keeper, I'm my sister's keeping", basically meaning we're all in this together whether we like it or not, so prop each other up, don't tear each other down.Karma means "what goes around comes around". On this anniversary it's useful to remind ourselves that it was the USA that trained Osama bin Laden while trampling all over his beliefs about the sanctity of Islam's holy places - a living example of America's karma

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Karma

[paborn]

Yes, Matt "Karama" - what goes around comes around. For example the American efforts to solve the Middle East problems left from the decline of the British Empire. Thank you Mr.Churchill - if only they had taught geography at Harrow.

[Blueskytoday]

Well once again OFF subject.....tired..

[arsenal]

It's not our fault the middle easterners are all bat shit crazy Paborn. Something you'll discover when you come across them in Pattaya. And "American efforts to solve the middle East problems." How's that going?

[frequent]

Well once again OFF subject.....tired..Apart from whining, what positive posts have you made recently?

[frequent]

Well I would never suggest it gave you a lifetime's training to be a wanker but.....If we can revert to the topic of wanking, I draw your attention to this story which reveals that Paul McCartney and John Lennon were occasional wank buddies in their teens

https://www.thedailybeast.com/paul-mccartney-i-masturbated-with-john-lennon-once-maybe-twice

[paborn]

It's not our fault the middle easterners are all bat shit crazy Paborn. Something you'll discover when you come across them in Pattaya. And "American efforts to solve the middle East problems." How's that going?

Arsenal, no one is as "batshit crazy" as the current American Congress. My comment was really scattershot. I refuse to neuter my ignore list by peaking, but there's someone here who has to make an anti-American comment with about every five posts.
I assumed, with a thread this long, that he has made at least one surly allusion to my country. If I'm wrong I apologize. Please don't, ever, take anything I say as a serious rebuke to England; however, occasionally I shall continue to hold up a mirror in the vain hope that someone will see this reflection and be as appalled as I.

[arsenal]

He's Australian I believe.

[frequent]

He's Australian I believe. Don't confuse the poor boy

[scottish-guy]

... there's someone here who has to make an anti-American comment with about every five posts.
I assumed...that he has made at least one surly allusion to my country. If I'm wrong I apologize. Please don't, ever, take anything I say as a serious rebuke to England; however, occasionally I shall continue to hold up a mirror in the vain hope that someone will see this reflection and be as appalled as I...

At the (calculated) risk of being accused of adding to the entirely fictional "numerous attacks" I am alleged to have made v Paborn, I have to say that if you are going to criticise "someone" in a public post, you should have the decency to name him and not (by omission) tar the rest of the membership with the same brush.

Also, what is this "England" he alludes to when talking of Winston Churchill and of current foreign policy?

Firstly, for the first fourteen years of his parliamentary career, Churchill (although himself English) was the MP for Dundee and, more contemporaneously, I am unaware of the existence of an English Parliament (more's the pity) or any "English" foreign policy.

However, to give Paborn his due, his post was so good that Frequent appears to have "liked" it not just once but twice - see below

:D

7990

[paborn]

Really? I'm truly sorry for my scattershot. I was under the impression that he was English. So, he's descended from the excess population England needed to rid itself of. I brought a shotgun to a knife fight. I will be more careful in the future. By the way, I suspect that our Scottish Nationalist is just sounding off when I have not mentioned him at all.
I'm almost tempted to peek at his post to discover in what twisted way he made this about Scotland. I mentioned Churchill, his public school and the British empire.

[arsenal]

Paborn wrote.
"Arsenal, no one is as "batshit crazy" as the current American Congress."

Really! Follow the posts of our favourite Chippy Celt for a few months and then tell me that.

[scottish-guy]

Since Paborn has already referred to the contents of my post, we can safely assume he has “peaked” already - and in more ways than one!

:D

[arsenal]

See Paborn. I told you.

[paborn]

Arsenal, I was not sure what you were referring to so I just peaked at SG's post. I assure you I did not previously. When I predicted that his posts would be "all about Scotland" it was a prediction and nothing more. I think he is not capable of realizing that since the posts began about the scandal in the nationalist party, etc. He has been obsessed with his narrow nationalism and incapable of little else - thus, my prediction. Well-founded as it turns out.
I now resume ignoring him.

[arsenal]

I really wouldn't advise ignoring him Paborn. He's inordinately entertaining in a 'lets visit the lunatic asylum' type of way. Sometimes he borders on the normal and other times, well......

[paborn]

You might be right. SG has, at the very least, provided gallows humor. Perhaps I'll peak now and again; after all, he accuses me of it anyway. It will be hard, however, as I feel like I've retreated to an idyllic island of peace and quiet harmony.

[frequent]

Since Paborn has already referred to the contents of my post, we can safely assume he has “peaked” already - and in more ways than one!I'm guessing that may be Twin Peaks scotty. Paborn quoted directly from a post of mine (he claims I'm on his Ignore list) in beginning this sorry tale of his magnificent obsession. Why does the phrase "batshit crazy" spring so readily to mind? Apposite?

[arsenal]

Erm. frequent. I was the first member here to use the phrase 'bat shit crazy' and I used it to describe SG months ago. Please be original. You have a reputation to uphold.

[frequent]

Erm. frequent. I was the first member here to use the phrase 'bat shit crazy' and I used it to describe SG months ago. Please be original. You have a reputation to uphold.This Board is as I've said many times an anonymous collection of First World old guys who travel or live thousands of kilometres from their home country to have paid sex with Third World prostitutes young enough to be their grandsons. My "reputation" means nothing to me - in any case it's a very lower middle class concept

[arsenal]

A disappointingly proletarian reply.

[frequent]

A disappointingly proletarian reply.I'm interested to hear that the term "batshit crazy" can be used to describe another member without Mr Jellybaby sending one of his fatuous (or do I mean famous?) Scarlet Letters. I do know that describing another poster as "paranoid" does bring down the wrath of the gods - which is odd because I'd rather have thought such a complaint by the poster concerned proves my point rather, but there you are

[arsenal]

The Scarlet Letter is a novel by Nathaniel Hawthorne and is rather boring.

[frequent]

The Scarlet Letter is a novel by Nathaniel Hawthorne and is rather boring.An apposite description then

[andyrose]

Someone from other site has made the following statement, and I love his frankness. I really do, and I feel like I want to share my answer in this site as well.

Quote from someone from other site

" PS: oh i forgot to mention, love is love, money is money, if you want money say you want money ok? Be honest it will heal your heart. I once fell in love with a prostitute and she said to me in the face that she only wanted my money. It suddenly struck me that I was a bloody fool."


This is my answer

I am not ashamed to admit that I used to be a sugar baby supported by a well-off sugar daddy (2011-2013). I married him (an older Belgium man) in 2012 and I separated from him shortly after I went to live with him in Europe.

I am also not ashamed to admit that I was counting on his assets, but everything didn’t go well or according to my plan. I know I was not such a nice person. It’s a long story and I plan to write a memoir, my darker secrets in my love diary from 2005-2010, then from 2011-2018. I may post it here as well.

For over two years my family doctor prescribed medicine for severe anxiety and depression followed by advice from psychiatrists. It seemed like she wanted me to stay on it forever. At one point, I wanted to quit and use only faith healing (spiritual way) but my family doctor told me I should stay on medication otherwise my condition would get worse.

I know love is love, money is money but there is a saying that goes "money isn't everything - love is the other two percent.

I’ve been in situations where I had lots of money to spend but I couldn’t find peace and happiness. Now I am in the opposite position but I feel so much better because I have freedom.

Moreover, I can understand life much better than before and if I had to choose between love, money, or freedom, I would definitely choose freedom. You can feel or be trapped with money or love but you can never be trapped with freedom.

I now realize walking on the ground is much softer than walking on the clouds.

[frequent]

Someone from other site has made the following statement, and I love his frankness. I really do, and I feel like I want to share my answer in this site as well.What did we ever do to deserve such punishment?

[scottish-guy]

I'm interested to hear that the term "batshit crazy" can be used to describe another member without Mr Jellybaby sending one of his fatuous (or do I mean famous?) Scarlet Letters. I do know that describing another poster as "paranoid" does bring down the wrath of the gods - which is odd because I'd rather have thought such a complaint by the poster concerned proves my point rather, but there you are

It clearly depends who posts it - Arsenal is a protected species, like the Blobfish

7992

[arsenal]

Quite right too.

[francois]

What did we ever do to deserve such punishment?

Well said, frequent; on this one I agree with you.

[cdnmatt]

What did we ever do to deserve such punishment?


Haven't you been reading this thread?

It's all about the karma...

[frequent]

Haven't you been reading this thread? It's all about the karma...Precisely my point - we've done nothing so there should be no karma to invoke. I was highly amused about 24 hours ago to read one poster who thought that karma meant that, for example, one country would clean up the (assumed) mess created by another country. However we've already had via multiple examples that logic is not one of his strengths. I found his post so amusing I "liked" it twice

As a special treat for you, Matt, I include this hyperlink to an article written by a US Republican party member giving a very, very pessimistic assessment of his party's chances in November, all courtesy of Trump - https://www.spectator.co.uk/2018/09/the-backlash-to-trump-has-begun-and-republicans-should-not-be-surprised/ - he definitely regards it as karma although he doesn't use that word

francois will probably be apoplectic by now at the multiple directions in which this thread has gone

[cdnmatt]

Yes, Republicans are most likely going to get hammered at the polls in a couple months.

Humanity has a way of always winning out...

[frequent]

Humanity has a way of always winning out...How do you see humanity "winning out" against, say, China's surveillance state? https://www.theatlantic.com/international/archive/2018/02/china-surveillance/552203/

[francois]

francois will probably be apoplectic by now at the multiple directions in which this thread has gone

Not really, frequent, I started gagging immediately after reading the initial post by andyrose, so anything goes.

[paborn]

Well, I took some advice and peaked at a few posts. It was, unfortunately, rather boring. I have only two things to note:
1. I only quote when you have been the subject of a quote and the reference is in that quote. If there is any instance where this is not true then I refer you to my note that occasionally I have peaked to see what pure craziness has wrought.
2. I suggest a new definition of batshit crazy: anyone who continues to use "apposite" in the sad need to appear learned.

[scottish-guy]

...Well, I took some advice and peaked at a few posts...

In the spirit of being helpful, could somebody please educate Paborn that the word is "peeked".

Seriously, a 10yo could get that right.

[paborn]

Well, truth be told, I peeked again. I'm so grateful that you continue with the same level of importance we can ascribe to all of your posts. Apparently, no one in the wilds of the Highlands has ever seen a spell check error. Not to worry, civilization will reach you someday.

[arsenal]

Paborn wrote about Scottish Guy.
"I'm so grateful that you continue with the same level of importance"

Don't you mean impotence. It's cold up there you know.

[lukylok]

Spell check is a nice excuse !
But if having no education is not to be taken against you, there is nothing to be proud of !

[paborn]

Spell check is a nice excuse !
But if having no education is not to be taken against you, there is nothing to be proud of !

Sorry, but this is incoherent. If you'd care to try again I can chuckle again.

[scottish-guy]

...Apparently, no one in the wilds of the Highlands has ever seen a spell check error. Not to worry, civilization will reach you someday.

So, not only is your spelling defective, but your geography and history too.

By no stretch of the imagination is Glasgow in "the Highlands" and as for civilisation (with an "s" - but I'll accept that one as a genuine spellcheck/predictive text error not having reached us, I suggest you google " the Scottish Enlightenment" and educate yourself.

[frequent]

Well, I took some advice and peaked at a few posts. It was, unfortunately, rather boring. I have only two things to note:
1. I only quote when you have been the subject of a quote and the reference is in that quote. If there is any instance where this is not true then I refer you to my note that occasionally I have peaked to see what pure craziness has wrought.
2. I suggest a new definition of batshit crazy: anyone who continues to use "apposite" in the sad need to appear learned.
Poor useless paborn. “apposite” is a reference to a time when batshit crazy moderators mistook a post of mine and turned it into an attack on the British Queen. Keep up the good work

[frequent]

In the spirit of being helpful, could somebody please educate Paborn that the word is "peeked". Seriously, a 10yo could get that right.What is paborn’s mental age do you suppose? He claims to have been a “consultant” to the travel industry but I wonder how comprehensible his reports were

[frequent]

So, not only is your spelling defective, but your geography and history too.

By no stretch of the imagination is Glasgow in "the Highlands" and as for civilisation (with an "s" - but I'll accept that one as a genuine spellcheck/predictive text error not having reached us, I suggest you google " the Scottish Enlightenment" and educate yourself.Apposite

[paborn]

So, not only is your spelling defective, but your geography and history too.

By no stretch of the imagination is Glasgow in "the Highlands" and as for civilisation (with an "s" - but I'll accept that one as a genuine spellcheck/predictive text error not having reached us, I suggest you google " the Scottish Enlightenment" and educate yourself.

civ·i·li·za·tion
ˌsivələˈzāSH(ə)n/Submit
noun
the stage of human social development and organization that is considered most advanced.
"they equated the railroad with progress and civilization"
synonyms: human development, advancement, progress, enlightenment, culture, refinement, sophistication
"a higher stage of civilization"
the process by which a society or place reaches an advanced stage of social development and organization.
the society, culture, and way of life of a particular area.
plural noun: civilizations; plural noun: civilisations
"the great books of Western civilization"
synonyms: culture, society, nation, people
"ancient civilizations"

[paborn]

As we say in the South - "why bless your hearts".

1. I don't care were Glasgow is. Actually, few people do. Truth is I had no idea where you live. But, by your manners, I assumed the worst. Thank goodness your fellow Glaswegians have a better reputation.
2. I have read about the Scotish Enlightenment. However, it's over and is not an excuse for you.
3. My remark about "apposite" was to your endless, senseless use of it.


Now, I'm done peeking. Get on with it. I won't be looking.

[arsenal]

Scottish Guy claims to live outside Edinburgh. But then he also claims that he and his 'boyfriend' have been 'together' for over 8 years despite the 6000 miles between them. Who knows what goes on in his WW1 battleground of a mind.

[arsenal]

However I do enjoy watching Puppetmaster Frequent make Scottish Guy dance about to his tune. Very entertaining and poor Scotty doesn't even realise it.

[frequent]

As we say in the South - "why bless your hearts".

1. I don't care were Glasgow is. Actually, few people do. Truth is I had no idea where you live. But, by your manners, I assumed the worst. Thank goodness your fellow Glaswegians have a better reputation.
2. I have read about the Scotish Enlightenment. However, it's over and is not an excuse for you.
3. My remark about "apposite" was to your endless, senseless use of it.


Now, I'm done peeking. Get on with it. I won't be looking.Apposite. Can't spell Scottish either

[arsenal]

Many of your more maudlin posts aren't particularly coherent frequent but we let them go. Stop stalking Paborn. Your next ban is for good and the last one was for this. How many times do you need to be told?

In fact it's probably only because you have so much 'previious' with the mods that you're still here at all. They're desire to be seen to be fair is being taken to extremes where you're concerned. It's time to cut the head off the snake.

[frequent]

Many of your more maudlin posts aren't particularly coherent frequent but we let them go. Stop stalking Paborn. Your next ban is for good and the last one was for this. How many times do you need to be told?

In fact it's probably only because you have so much 'previious' with the mods that you're still here at all. They're desire to be seen to be fair is being taken to extremes where you're concerned. It's time to cut the head off the snake.If wishes were horses, beggars would ride

[arsenal]

We're only waiting for the stirrups.

[frequent]

We're only waiting for the stirrups.My position is quite clear and Mr Jellybaby is well aware of it:

The remainder of this post has been deleted, as it breached rule 3.2.3. regarding the publication of PM'S on the forum.

A447
Moderator

[arsenal]

I find your constant habit of 'patrolling' the board looking for spelling and grammar errors to point out somewhat creepy and destructive. Now that you've stopped working you should find something to do.

And you're not supposed to talk about private correspondence with mods. That's made very clear isn't it?

Thin ice indeed.

[Manforallseasons]

I hope Moses takes his head out of his ass and permenantly bans both Frequent and Arsenal, though I fear it might be too late to save this board!

[scottish-guy]

Apposite. Can't spell Scottish either

You realise of course that the original 'mistake' (mine) was entirely deliberate - so that (in view of the preceding posts) I could then blame my "spellchecker" don't you?

Unfortunately somebody buggered up my plan by quoting it!!

:drink:

[Manforallseasons]

I hope Moses takes his head out of his ass and permenantly bans both Frequent and Arsenal, though I fear it might be too late to save this board!

scottish should be added to this group of 2 as he never has anything to say but like a dog needs to piss on every tree just to let others know that he was here.

[scottish-guy]

Oh, the irony!

<Searches MFAS post for anything which could possibly be deemed useful>

Nope.

[Manforallseasons]

Moses, wake up.... if you don't give a shit anymore find someone if you can that does......dump these 3 posters as they only use your board as a playground and how bizarre they are spending their entire day posting shit.......this should tell you something of their mental state and their total disregard for you and this board!!!

[Moses]

Moses, wake up.... if you don't give a shit anymore find someone if you can that does......dump these 3 posters as they only use your board as a playground and how bizarre they are spending their entire day posting shit.......this should tell you something of their mental state and their total disregard for you and this board!!!

you are too late, check their status, it changed at morning, guys "took" break for 7 days

[gerefan2]

you are too late, check their status, it changed at morning, guys "took" break for 7 days

How do,I do that?

[cdnmatt]

It says right under their name, "Temp. Suspended" or something like that.

[scottish-guy]

He’s pissed I’m not banned Matt - he has an agenda - but if there were grounds I’d have been sanctioned too. I’ve already made clear that if that happens I won’t be back, so tne ball is in their court

[Manforallseasons]

He’s pissed I’m not banned Matt - he has an agenda - but if there were grounds I’d have been sanctioned too. I’ve already made clear that if that happens I won’t be back, so tne ball is in their court

And if you were what a loss! I hope I your threat to leave is not just a threat but a promise.

[scottish-guy]

There's no "threat" and I'm not being dragged into a fight with you MFAS.

[cdnmatt]

It's kinda funny, MFAS is yelling about SG being banned, yet all MFAS provides the forum with is berating members with one or two phrase posts, and that's really about it.

If he's screaming about banning people so much for no value to the board, he really ought to look in the mirror.

[snotface]

If he's screaming about banning people so much for no value to the board, he really ought to look in the mirror.

Ah, but we're not very good at looking in mirrors on a board like this, are we. I last looked in a mirror in 2011. Haven't recovered from the trauma of it yet.

[Smiles]

last looked in a mirror in 2011.l wouldn't peek either if I had perpetual snot running down my face.

[christianpfc]

Back to the OP. Two cases of what I call non-commitment.

You found Michael younger/richer/better sex than Ben, so you swapped Ben for Michael.

Michael found his wife pregnant, and thought the baby needs him more than you need him, so he swapped you for the baby.

This "swapping for something better/richer/easier/more fun" is a character trait that I have not witnessed in Europe, but do a lot here in Thailand. Furthermore, you spent a lot of words to talk about their money, which shows where your interest lies?

[siscu58]

Agree with Christian. You behaved exactly as most of Thai boys, that is, like a complete egoist. You catered only to your wishes and desires but you completely ignored those of others. I think you behaviour was absolutely reprehensible. If I had been Ben or Michael I would have never forgiven you. You just received what you deserve. I pity your actual Canadian boyfriend.

[paborn]

Harsh. But, the true often is.

[lukylok]

Harsh. But, the true often is.

You definetely have a problem with the English language. Where did you learn it ?

[paborn]

You definetely have a problem with the English language. Where did you learn it ?

It's an obvious typo. Do you only post to annoy people? Honestly, you must have moments when you are ashamed of yourself. Just when it seemed that the board was selling down to polite conversation you show up. It's truly sad.

[Brad the Impala]

true/truth and selling/settling are not "typos", where one letter is missing or incorrectly typed. More likely to be an error of predictive text. This can be easily resolved by proof reading before posting.

[scottish-guy]

You definetely have a problem with the English language....

Oops! :D

[paborn]

true/truth and selling/settling are not "typos", where one letter is missing or incorrectly typed. More likely to be an error of predictive text. This can be easily resolved by proof reading before posting.

Fine sir. OK, I'm just a terrible person for not sufficiently proof reading to meet your standards. You're only reinforcing my point that such nonsense drives posters away. In short, who the hell needs this crap?

[cdnmatt]

I guess you haven't been around long enough to get a good sense for Brad the Impala.

Just fyi... He was being a gentleman, and defending you.

[paborn]

Matt, I'm tempted to take you at your word. God knows if anyone here has taken grief, even from me at times, it is you. But, no matter how Brad ...meant it this persnickety penchant for constantly correcting people is simply beyond the pale. What I wrote, even if with an error, was - or should have been - clear to anyone not out to be a pain in the ass.
Post on this board and you open yourself to insult and pain. Some posters make a first and last appearance due, I feel certain, to this quagmire of nitpickers.
If I owe Brad an apology he has it. But, I remain sceptical.
Now, if I've misspelled something or used poor grammar or American spelling rather than British and it bothers someone - please go bugger off.

[francois]

Harsh. But, the true often is.

paborn learn English from Yoda.


To say everyone understands what you meant, paborn. Yeesssssss.

[andyrose]

I post my story in other sites as well.

I have been talking to one guy and I really love his frankness. I would like to share our conservation to you guys here.


Quote " Good to hear from you again Andyrose, is that photo your photo? You look young in that photo is that an old photo or a recent one? I look forward to read what you will be writing about your life.

Pardon me if I am wrong or may be very very wrong, are you a male prostitute ? You sound like one though. I have a very good friend who is french when I visited her and her husband she asked me if I need to use the services of a prostitute and if I do she would tell me where to find them. See I like the french they are frank they say what is on their mind.. Take care. "



My response was


Of course the profile photo is actually my photo; I have never used someone else photo in my profile. There are old photos and new photos in my album.



If you take care of yourself, you tend to look younger, much younger than you really are.
It is not about your age, it's all about how you take care of yourself.


Some people look much older than they are. For example, I met one cuacasian Canadian girl and she looks much older than 28 (her actual age).

On the other hand, some people, myself included, look much younger than they are.

For example, in April this year I went to a venue in Toronto where I.D. was required for people who appear to be under 25 (the legal age is 19 in Toronto) and the staff have the right to ask for your I.D.


They asked me for my I.D. and I had a big laugh before giving it to them.

When they saw it, they said WOW....and made funny expressions and I was slightly embarrassed but took it as a compliment.

I have been taking very good care of myself using day and night cream for my face and neck and Q10 cream around my eyes. All of them for anti-wrinkle. I also use a good body lotion to make my whole body feel as soft as silk.

I like to look at myself in the mirror quite often when I am at my place.


You asked me whether I am a male prostitute or not. You said I sound like one.


OMG, I love your frankness and I don't really mind at all.


I'd like to answer your question but I don't know the answer quite frankly.

I never though I was a male prostitute but maybe you or someone else have different points of view.

A gold digger maybe, but I don't think I am a prostitute.

You know what, I also like to speak my mind, but I do it my way. It depends on the situation as well.

I like to do things in my way.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6E2hYDIFDIU

[andyrose]

Back to the OP. Two cases of what I call non-commitment.

You found Michael younger/richer/better sex than Ben, so you swapped Ben for Michael.

Michael found his wife pregnant, and thought the baby needs him more than you need him, so he swapped you for the baby.

This "swapping for something better/richer/easier/more fun" is a character trait that I have not witnessed in Europe, but do a lot here in Thailand. Furthermore, you spent a lot of words to talk about their money, which shows where your interest lies?

To Christianpfc
Thanks for your comment.
I would like to exchange my words with you but I am very busy right now.
I will try to get back to you within 3-5 days.
Thanks once again for being professional and I like your words.

[francois]

Very touching, andyrose.

[andyrose]

Very touching, andyrose.


Thank you francois. I am about to go to bed now ( 2 a.m. here) but I feel like I have to thank you first.
Good night.

[paborn]

paborn learn English from Yoda.


To say everyone understands what you meant, paborn. Yeesssssss.
Francois,
I've learned that many on this board can't resist the chance to make a joke. Yoda? really? Do I speak that way in your experience?
Yes, I made a mistake. But, I'd love someone to honestly express and explain their extreme confusion, their bleary-eyed misunderstanding of my intent because I typed "true" rather than truth. Is this really so hard?
My complaint here is that no one appears willing to give anyone else a break. That creates an atmosphere of distrust and discomfort.
Both you and Matt have cautioned me that "Brad" was, actually, being supportive.
I've read it over and over and I do not see it. However, since two board members are telling me this I issue a public apology to Brad the Impala. If this does not sound like a fulsome apology I'm sorry, but I still don't see your point.
My point, to reiterate one last time is simple: If you feel that need to make a holier than thou, smart ass comment on someone else's post, then think it over and refrain. We don't need this.
I typed one small word wrong. Brad pointed out the difference between typos and errors in predictive typing software and suggested that I proof more rigorously. Again, really? This is support?

[Jellybean]

. . . My point, to reiterate one last time is simple: If you feel that need to make a holier than thou, smart ass comment on someone else's post, then think it over and refrain. We don't need this.
I typed one small word wrong. Brad pointed out the difference between typos and errors in predictive typing software and suggested that I proof more rigorously. Again, really? This is support?

Some of our members have been known to turn to the Holy Bible for inspiration. So, following suit, I found that John, Chapter 8 verse 7, with the most minimal of tweaking, is particularly apposite in cases like these. And is, I venture to suggest, worth bearing in mind for future reference.

https://biblehub.com/john/8-7.htm

[francois]

Francois,
I've learned that many on this board can't resist the chance to make a joke. Yoda? really? Do I speak that way in your experience?
Yes, I made a mistake.

paborn, you think too much.:heart:

[Brad the Impala]

I typed one small word wrong.

Two words actually, but who is counting and who cares. I merely mentioned that your suggested reason for your inaccuracies was unlikely, and suggested how you could avoid similar errors in the future, since you seem to be super sensitive about any comment that might be considered critical.

Prickly as a hedgehog with a hardon.

[paborn]

Well, obviously your counting, so you, at least, must care.

You know, it's odd, but there is none of this nit-picking on Gay Thailand or Gay Button. No one is hypercritical, no one feels called upon to be the spelling or the grammar police. The only time corrections are suggested are when they are crucial to understanding the post.
Before you tell me to post only there, I'd like to point out that there are nice people here. I've been told how nice you are. Frankly, I don't see it. I might be wrong. I often am, but there seems to be little evidence to support it.
I'll state my point one last time: No one wants to post in a place where they face watchdogs who have no sense of proportion. People who jump on any error, however small, to make themselves and only themselves appear superior.

Nervously picky as a hedgehog who can't get a hardon.

[cdnmatt]

You do realize the more you bitch and complain about this, the more people are going to attack you for it, right?

I make typos all the time, mainly because I'm blind. You don't see people attacking me over it, right? They don't, because they know I won't give a shit.

Or just look at how latin or Smiles post. They're absolutely horrid writers, and nobody attacks them either.

[paborn]

You're right. I do know that. However, please consider that "You do realize the more you bitch and complain about this, the more people are going to attack you for it, right?" is an indicator of their childish behavior.

I understand your predicament as I've had two eye operations in the last few months and while healing my vision is, often, double. Fine at a distance but iffy when typing. This does not and should not give them license to act like petty bureaucrats.

In fact, at the end of the day, I rather enjoy calling an ass an ass.

[cdnmatt]

Well, your board too, so go ahead and post what you want.

Not sure why you care so much about people who are so petty they need to point out spelling typos, but your life, up to you.

Granted, I'm a bit of a hypocrite here, as I cared quite a bit when a447 was running around being an asshole every time I made a typo, but that's because I was still trying to figure out how to be blind in this life.

[paborn]

Matt, I'm settling down. I think I went off for the same reason you did. If you note my last post my vision, at the moment, is poor when doing close work.

I'm recovering from a stroke in my eye ( thank God it was there and not in my brain ) and should be much better in a few months

Right now, however, it just pisses me off when people have nothing better to do than pick on others.

[Argosy]

Apposite. Can't spell Scottish either

I’ve never like bullies, and would categorize you as an intellectual brow-beater. From my experience humans make errors. The OP (paborn) is nothing more than human, unlike the superhuman specimen you clearly are. A simple spelling error triggered your compulsion to demonstrate to the forum your preeminent command of written English. Instead of getting a “hard-on of Uncle Miltie proportions” do us a kindness, and back away from the keyboard next time this compulsion arises. Food for thought, prior to your return. (Quote lifted from Breaking Bad)

[Argosy]

My apologies, the first sentence should start with "I've never liked bullies" Mea Culpa!

[paborn]

Mea maxima culpa - Lord, I know the feeling.

[scottish-guy]

16 pages?

160 posts?

Seriously?

This thread is taking on Tarntawanian proportions

[Blueskytoday]

End this,,,,quickly.....pls

[paborn]

Personally, I don't care if it ends or continues. Posts I don't care about I don't read. Communication on a site like this is hard enough.; if two people want to talk, let them. What real difference does it make?

[Argosy]

16 pages?

160 posts?

Seriously?

This thread is taking on Tarntawanian proportions

I’m amused at the feigned sense of indignation your posting implies. Presumably you’re feeling cheated by this thread having wasted your time. Expending yet even more time, with the pressing need to inform us, you draft and post this message to state your boundaries. Amazing insight, Mr. Magoo.

[scottish-guy]

Why, thank you Mr HYDRA

[cdnmatt]

arsenal, isn't your main account still suspended for being an asshole?

Just haven't learned, or what?

[Argosy]

Why, thank you Mr HYDRA

You're a wizard at promoting the odd conspiracy theory and I know you'd love to have a nuanced discussion about your latest fantasy, however watching wet paint dry might be far more enlightening.

[andyrose]

Back to the OP. Two cases of what I call non-commitment.

You found Michael younger/richer/better sex than Ben, so you swapped Ben for Michael.

Michael found his wife pregnant, and thought the baby needs him more than you need him, so he swapped you for the baby.

This "swapping for something better/richer/easier/more fun" is a character trait that I have not witnessed in Europe, but do a lot here in Thailand. Furthermore, you spent a lot of words to talk about their money, which shows where your interest lies?



Yes, I was dating Ben because of his money and nothing else and I am not going to deny it.

As I mentioned before, I came from an upper class Thai family. I couldn't handle the fact that my father was almost bankrupt. I didn't want to be in a difficult situation because I was used to a comfortable life.

I found Ben and I knew from my instinct that he loved me.
Yes, I used him for money.
Yes, I hoped to get his assets and his pension from Germany.
I never loved him and I couldn't force myself to love him.

When I met Michael, I fell in love with him immediately; I knew it from my heart. I didn't think about his money at all because I loved him.
When I truly love someone, I don't care that much about their finances.

I know Ben loved me but I couldn't force myself to love him just as I couldn't force myself not to love Michael.

I couldn't force my feelings to let go of him when he wanted to call it a day.

Love is a very strange feeling. Even though the feeling belongs to me I cannot force it one way or the other.

It is my feeling but it is free from me. I cannot control it so it's mystery.

[StevieWonders]

Two words actually, but who is counting and who cares. I merely mentioned that your suggested reason for your inaccuracies was unlikely, and suggested how you could avoid similar errors in the future, since you seem to be super sensitive about any comment that might be considered critical.

Prickly as a hedgehog with a hardon.

We're in Snowflake Territory Brad the Impala:

A snowflake, a snowflake,
Jesus wants me for a snowflake.
A snowflake, a snowflake,
I'll be a snowflake for Him!

[andyrose]

Good for you, but if you put a downbeat tale like this on a gay message board you must expect some harsh feedback. And adding that you are 'choosing to handle it with class' (in bold type no less) does not help your cause - it merely encourages people to believe that you're a bit full of yourself for all your apparent remorse at events years ago.


Yes, and you know what, you are so right; I am full of myself. I have to accept the fact.

When I studied in England, one of my teachers called me one day and whispered to me "Andy, did you realize when you entered to the classroom, you acted like you were better than every student in the class?

Your face were like ..... and she used her face as an example, a face up high, acting very snobbish. She explained to me in a soft friendly voice, kind of in a funny way. I was laughing when she tried to imitate me.

When I came back from England, I got a job in a hotel in Bangkok; I always acted like I was better than everyone. I was not and I am not a hypocrite person. I like to act from my heart, not what I think it will look good.

I was very proud that I came from an upper class family. I am a Bangkok boy and when I saw Issan boys or girls with Farangs I would look down on them (my thought was "prostitutes trying to catch Farangs").

"We are from different classes, on a different levels", I thought to myself.

When my father's finances went south due to an economy crisis at that time, it effected me directly.

I met an older Scottish man (62) while I was only 22 (at that time). I knew from my instinct that he liked me and was quite well off.

He was working in Bangkok as an engineer. We were dating and I took advantage of him financially. I was no better than Issan boys that I had insulted.

My situation at that time was not much different than those Issan guys at all. Whatever I looked down on them, it came back to me as karma. I understand exactly.

Years later, when I was around 24, I met an Issan guy and we became close friends. We could talk about everything. He came from a very poor family in Isann (province of ROI-ET). We came from a totally different backgrounds, but we could get along very well. His family could not afford to send him to a high school so he had to get aid from a provincial fund for promising students.

He also got a scholarship to attend Chula University in Bangkok. He was a smart, intelligent student and he graduated with a good GPA. We're still contact even now; sometimes I call him from Canada just to see how's he doing.

I also met an Issan girl few years ago when I was back in Bangkok. We became a very good friends; we hit it off from the get-go. She was very friendly, humble, and generous.

When we went out to restaurants, she would pay the bill. I had to tell her many times that I didn't want that. I wanted us to pay 50-50 but she would run to the cashier to pay up when she knew we were about to call for the bill.

I once invited her to a Dusit Thani hotel (a five star hotel in the heart of Bangkok near Silom) because I wanted to enjoy the luxurious atmosphere there.

We had dinner in the restaurant and at the end we almost had a fight. The bill was nearly 2,000 baht and I insisted that I pay because I had invited her. When the server brought us the bill I immediately opened my wallet and so did she. I asked the server to take my money and she did the same. No one was backing off.

It was a very funny scene and the server was laughing. She won the fight with strong words which I'll never forget: "Please let me treat you this time; next time you can treat me." She said this while holding my hand.

She is such a wonderful person. She is my good friend and I still talk to her occasionally on the phone. She's never had a Farang boyfriend and she is not a 'working' girl. She has her own business.

She knows I've had many farang boyfriends in the past (do you see the irony?).

Yes, I used to be so full of myself but I think I am a different person now.

I am more humble, more considerate, less selfish.

I am not a perfect person but a better person than before.

Yes, I was so arrogant and sassy when my father was well-off.

Yes, I was so stuck up when I married a millionaire medical doctor. When I married him in 2012, I felt like everything in the world belonged to me. A moment later everything evaporated, just like that, from top to bottom. I separated from him in 2014.

From a big house in an upper class, rich neighborhood in Belgium, to a tiny room in a basement in a middle class area in Toronto. (just like that, again). The bathroom in the house in Belgium was bigger than my current room in Toronto.

The good thing is, if I were still in that situation, I would never be the better person I am now. I would have been a snobbish, mean person. When a situation changes, it also changes you automatically.

As I mentioned before, everything happens for a reason. They have their own reasons and we have to learn from them. I have learned a lot so far.

I have grown up and I am thankful to my Buddha for guiding me through my new life.

I thank my Buddha for everything so far.

[bobsaigon2]

Gott im Himmel !

[cdnmatt]

What exactly are you looking for out of this? You're not asking any questions.

Ok, you fucked over a guy due to greed and money. Then you fell in love with another guy, and he left you for his baby. Now you're alone and in despair.

I'm not sure what you want us to say.

[snotface]

Andyrose, it's good to be honest about oneself but you seem to be wallowing in your past misdeeds and character faults. Time to move on. If you're truly remorseful, just concentrate quietly on being a better person in the here and now and don't look for the congratulations of others.

[scottish-guy]

That's a very nice way of putting it.

;)

[scottish-guy]

You're a wizard at promoting the odd conspiracy theory....

Well let's forget theory then and look at the facts:


You arrived here at exactly the same time Arsenal was suspended
You've described him as "well-esteemed", "prolific" and "vocal" - why would you even care?
You have now made 11 posts:
Of those 11, no less than 5 are attacks (as Paborn would put it) on me.
Of the remaining 6 posts, 1 is an attack on Snotface.
Of the remaining 5 posts, 1 is an attack on Frequent (even after he'd been suspended).
Of the remaining 4 posts, 2 are self-justification.
Of the 2 remaining posts, both are comments on LatintopXXX and how his posting style has changed (you're a newbie remember).



You insist you've been "a long term lurker", so one might conclude that having lurked (apparently for years since you know all about LatintopXXX's previous posting style and how "prolific", "vocal" and "esteemed" Arsenal is ) you'd be newly motivated and brimming with positive stuff to contribute - but of your 11 posts NONE has been a contribution to the topic. For a disillusioned old fart like me, it might be understandable - but for someone who's lurked for years and now, finally been motivated to join? I simply don't buy it.

I'm no expert in hydra-spotting - I'd leave that probably to Smiles and one or two others who are invariably right about these matters - but if you're not a hydra of Arsenal you're doing a mighty great impression.

One thing's certain - you are 100% not who you say you are

[frequent]

One thing's certain - you are 100% not who you say you areAnd he now has "Banned" next to his name!

[arsenal]

I wonder why? Giggle.

[Smiles]

And back to AndyRose: Snotface has advised you gently and decently to quit with the hair-shirt crap ... Sawatdee is hardly the DaVinci Code, and I'm hardly Snotface.

For myself, the second some poor fool spreads his self indulgences over five topics (one a year, over five years), all with the same theme of cheesy and teary admissions that you've screwed over just about every person you've ever met ... and then having the unfortunate need to spew out cliches all over the carpet --- the main being the worst of the worst of psychological nonsense : to wit ... " ... I believe all things happen for a reason ..."
Which of course is utter bullshit on a classic scale.

Having said that I'm anxiously looking forward to 2019.

[scottish-guy]

And he now has "Banned" next to his name!

So, if he was banned for being a hydra, the associated (original) ID must also be banned. That's the rule isn't it?

[frequent]

And back to AndyRose: Snotface has advised you gently and decently to quit with the hair-shirt crap ... Sawatdee is hardly the DaVinci Code, and I'm hardly Snotface.Doesn't that depend on how you characterise the Da Vinci Code? A load of tosh speculating about something that may or may not exist, replete with fanciful characters. That's a pretty good description of Sawatdee I'd say

[arsenal]

A most perplexing mystery.

[Moses]

So, if he was banned for being a hydra, the associated (original) ID must also be banned. That's the rule isn't it?
correct

[scottish-guy]

Good to have it confirmed.

[arsenal]

Yes. A relief to us all.