I offed him last night, do I want to do so again tonight?

[poshglasgow]

I often find myself caught up in the following scenario:

I off a certain boy (A) from a bar and we enjoy each other's company. I say that I will see him again.

The next night I enter the same bar in which I found boy (A) but take a huge fancy to another boy (B), that I think I might off.

Boy (A) is making all kinds of gestures seeking to step off the stage and sit with me, but I hold back and smile awkwardly, for I am very interested in boy (B).

This is uncomfortable; I hate the thought of upsetting boy (A) but I very much want boy (B) to come and sit with me.

I leave the bar with Boy (B), passing a rather despondent boy (A), who watches me from the stage as I move off with my new 'catch of the day'.

How do others manage this kind of scenario?

[Josan]

I do the same thing. The only thing I add is as I am leaving with B I go up to the stage and give A 100 baht and say, 'check you later'.

[colmx]

I hand (A) 200B in guilt money on my way out the door....
That way he's kept sweet in case (B) is a dud

[goji]

Yes, I've been there.

1 I try to set expectations by explaining that I'm a butterfly on the first date. Particularly if it's a gogo bar with more than one cute lad.

2 I also ask myself "would he go with me if I'm not paying ?". The answer is obviously no, so I should keep that in mind and resist any pressure, because I choose how my money is spent.

3 Remember they have seen it all before & are most likely only pressurizing you because they know it's a good sales tactic.

4 There is always the option of visiting different bars for the next couple of nights.

[paborn]

Same as Colmx - 200 as I leave. I have also called both boys over , bought drinks and made the choice , again with the extra tip. I do this so as to acknowledge the guy from last night. Somehow it seems more polite. Of course when I sit at toy boys with my favorite manager he has made my butterfly status clear.

[Oceans]

The boys seem to have a way to make you feel guilty, but keep in mind, 5 seconds after you leave he doesn’t even remember you where there. They are so used to being told No, it has barely any efffect on them.

[frequent]

A variation on Buyer's Remorse (https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/blog/wishful-thoughts/201708/buyer-s-remorse)? I try not to make such commitments, invariably answering the inevitable question "Do you have a boyfriend?" in the affirmative, saying he's up-country (Surin, Udon, Ubon, Roi Et, Yasothon, Sisaket - take any one at random) if further particulars are sought

[arsenal]

Surely the time to worry is when Boy A doesn't try and get you to off him again. I find a big smile and a thumbs up as soon as you sit down followed immediately by instant looking at other boys closes the situation down.

[paborn]

Yes, I've done that two - my previous ploy is deployed when Boy A has a strong repeat possibility. Otherwise, life is too short.

[a447]

Members.
Some posts in this thread have been moved to the Holding Room.

A447
Moderator

[a447]

This is uncomfortable; I hate the thought of upsetting boy (A) but I very much want boy (B) to come and sit with me.

I agree completely; I find it very difficult to choose someone else.

In Pattaya last month I had a massage with an old "friend" who now works at Scandic Massage. But the next day I caught up with my regular guy and spent the rest of my holiday with him.

I felt guilty for abandoning my massage guy so I had to work out a strategy to enter and leave the Ambiance Hotel unnoticed. It was quite a pain.

One night I needed to go to a convenience store around 2am, but rather than walk to the one on the corner - 30 seconds away - I had to sneak out the hotel and go to the one on Beach Road. And in the rain!

Telling the guys you are a butterfly is the best way to get around this problem. I'll be in Chiang Mai next month and will be spending every night at Adams Apple. As in the past, that's exactly what I'll be saying to them. As they know in advance that I'll probably be taking different guys there shouldn't be a problem.

I agree with Oceans - the guys are used to hearing "No" so we need not worry too much. But I can't help it and have missed out on some fun over the years because of my attitude.

[neddy3]

Telling a guy that you are a butterfly is the only sensible way to go.

[kittyboy]

You could have a 3 way. Do both.

[Old git]

It's a common scenario - the law of sod if you like - the key thing is to try to handle it with a degree of elegance.

Option 1 is to stick with boy A - after all, you had a good time, and whilst boy B might look gorgeous, he might be a waste of time between the sheets.

Option 2 is to abandon ship and go somewhere else that evening - check bin, and if boy A looks puzzled, make out you're not feeling too good and are turning in early. Go back a couple of nights later, by which time boy A has probably been bedded by someone else and his expectations will have become history.

Option 3 is to entertain both boys together in the bar and be quite generous when it comes to buying them drinks. Boy A will have his tip money from the drinks and you won't have cut him dead. Unless he's very green to the scene, he'll be well aware that most punters are butterflies and that you might well take him another time.

Option 3 is the most expensive solution, but is the one I'd normally opt for. While you're sitting together, Boy A will also probably tell Boy B what your taste in bedroom gymnastics is. If Boy B doesn't fancy that, he'll leave you with Boy A and you'll be spared a frustrating session. Option 2 is my preferred escape method when I find myself with two people I've previously been with who are vying for my attention..

[paborn]

Exactly. I use 2 and 3 a lot. Butterfly that I am I seldom resort to option 1 as I torture myself with boy B - I have to get him out of my system.

[kittyboy]

A variation on Buyer's Remorse (https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/blog/wishful-thoughts/201708/buyer-s-remorse)? I try not to make such commitments, invariably answering the inevitable question "Do you have a boyfriend?" in the affirmative, saying he's up-country (Surin, Udon, Ubon, Roi Et, Yasothon, Sisaket - take any one at random) if further particulars are sought

The OPs scenario is not really buyers remorse which would be that he regretted offing A.
This is more akin to diminishing marginal returns.
The utility or enjoyment of offing A the second time would be lower than the first time A was offed.
So the OP has decided to look at B to satisfy his needs.
The classic example is a first chocolate cookie after dinner. The first cookie you eat is great.
But you might be full and not desire another chocolate cookie.

The next day after dinner you say to yourself..hmm..what do I want for desert? Chocolate cookie?? and you answer no I think I will have something else as I had a chocolate cookie yesterday.
My advice is to off B and take a break from A. If A was fun then go back to A later

Econ 101...I suspect my old economics professors would be proud of me being able to explain the marginal utility of whoring in Thailand.

[paborn]

excellent way of looking at it. I'll consider it next trip. By the way I hated economics, but good show.

[poshglasgow]

You could have a 3 way. Do both.

It would be like winning the lottery: six matching balls!!

[kittyboy]

It would be like winning the lottery: six matching balls!!

OHH!!!!
Good one!!!!!

[goji]

Surely the time to worry is when Boy A doesn't try and get you to off him again.

That would indeed be a worry, but I've never encountered that & expect it's the same for most other members.
If you wash properly (etc), tip them properly & the bedroom activities are normal, then they will be wanting another off.

[Nirish guy]

....... you might be full and not desire another chocolate cookie. .

Alas if only that were the case but unfortunately my waistline screams otherwise as I ALWAYS want the other cookie - both metaphorically AND in terms of ACTUAL cookies it seems ! :-(

[kittyboy]

Alas if only that were the case but unfortunately my waistline screams otherwise as I ALWAYS want the other cookie - both metaphorically AND in terms of ACTUAL cookies it seems ! :-(

Presumably, You are a man with large appetites.
In that case I would go back to my advice -- do a three way. And as you said it would be like winning the lottery. You match up 6 balls.
Have fun - if you do have the 3 way..give us details.

It is funny how we develop a sense of loyalty to some of these boys even after 1 or 2 offs.
I take it as a sign that you and others (not everyone) have a kind heart.

[werner]

I do not understand what some members are agonizing about.

If you off a guy from a bar, you are hiring him for some services for a specific time. You have NOT committed yourself to going steady with him.

He will certainly provide services for others, and you can enjoy the services of other guys. Any guy that works in a go-go bar would understand this.

[sglad]

It is funny how we develop a sense of loyalty to some of these boys even after 1 or 2 offs.
I take it as a sign that you and others (not everyone) have a kind heart.

...or it could be because you don't get much action or attention at home and you tend to fall for any guy who shows you the slightest interest in Thailand. The boys, on the other hand, understand very well that you're just another customer in the line who may or not be there the next day.

[Old git]

' If you off a guy from a bar, you are hiring him for some services for a specific time. You have NOT committed yourself to going steady with him. '

It is well known that punters (especially those on short trips) often fall in love with someone they meet in a bar, only for that person to ruthlessly milk them for support afterwards.

What is less well known is that the mamasans of the straight bars have an ongoing battle trying to keep girls working after they've fallen in love with a customer who's headed home. With the boy bars, lovesick staff is not unknown but less of an issue, however the wide variety of tastes and fetishes they encounter means many boys prefer to stick to known territory.

Yes it's all commercial and business like, but that doesn't make it OK to be ruthless - it's important to be polite and friendly, and to try to see things from their point of view. However, never let yourself fall in love with someone who will soon be thousands of miles away, and if you're prone to that, make a point of alternating between two or more bedmates to stop yourself getting sucked in..

[scottish-guy]

... never let yourself fall in love with someone who will soon be thousands of miles away....

Presumably you have resigned yourself to a life of solitude then - as, if you are indeed an Old Git (as most of us are), then nobody in your home country (and in full possession of their mental faculties) is going to touch you with a barge pole without a handsome financial incentive

[arsenal]

Idiot. Old Git is talking about sex tourists to Thailand and advising them not to fall in.love with what is essentially an illusion. You post just for the sake of posting with little thought for the nature of what you write or what others, way more qualified than you have written. Idiot.

[Old git]

' Presumably you have resigned yourself to a life of solitude then - as, if you are indeed an Old Git (as most of us are), then nobody in your home country (and in full possession of their mental faculties) is going to touch you with a barge pole without a handsome financial incentive '

I was quite content to live alone, but a certain person of the female persuasion has other ideas..

A hi-so girl I first met over eight years ago when she was a college student has kept in touch, on and off, ever since. She's building quite a nice little business for herself now, sourcing and shipping top end fashion goods from europe back to Thailand.

She's just flown into London from bangers (at her own expense) and as usual doesn't tell me when she's arriving until she's landed, so I don't waste time going to meet her (her family are deeply involved with Thai air and she can get very good last minute deals). I'm expecting her to trot through the door any minute now.

And then she'll stay with me until her next little jaunt - be it to Paris, Milan or wherever. That I'm older than her mother and only a few weeks younger than her dad doesn't seem to bother her in the least - she even worries sometimes that I'll trade her in for a younger model one day.

Like me she also swings both ways, but I never get to meet her girlfriends, and vice versa..

[paborn]

Sorry to trouble you. But, what is a "hi-so girl" and where the hell is Bangers? Next to mash?

[sglad]

The descriptor hi-so is almost always used mockingly by Thais. Only foolish farang use it to describe their partners or kik which almost certainly would invite sniggering from other Thais and make the farang appear very lo-so indeed, which most farang in Thailand invariably are.

There are many other elegant and nuanced ways of describing someone who is well off, upper-middle class, wealthy or refined in Thai - sometimes with a subtle, underlying insult - but I shan't bother you with them this morning.

[frequent]

Presumably you have resigned yourself to a life of solitude then - as, if you are indeed an Old Git (as most of us are), then nobody in your home country (and in full possession of their mental faculties) is going to touch you with a barge pole without a handsome financial incentiveHow little you understand human nature, scotty. To take arranged marriage as but one example, people hook up and later fall in love. Women in particular sometimes marry for the financial security it brings but love their husbands (I have a friend who is the total exemplar of that)

[frequent]

By way of an example of my thesis I suggest the following link be read https://www.spectator.co.uk/2018/08/what-do-women-really-want-a-man-with-a-beautiful-house/

[a447]

To take arranged marriage as but one example, people hook up and later fall in love. Women in particular sometimes marry for the financial security it brings but love their husbands (I have a friend who is the total exemplar of that)

So true.

[Nirish guy]

And in my view there’s not a thing wrong with that and in fact the more I read and see on TV about arranged marriages the more it seems to look like they’re not the worst idea perhaps.

That’s not to say that marrying by your own choice for “love” ( what ever that is) is not a good idea too but I actually quite like the apparent clear headed forward thinking style sense and logic behind an arranged marriage and the taking away of that short term emotional rush of endorphins that makes us fall in “love” in the first place apparently and replacing that with simple common sense and does appeal to my more practical side somewhat - and I guess if you can get both of those senses to kick in at the same time then you’re really half way there to having the whole marriage thing cracked !?

[scottish-guy]

How little you understand human nature, scotty. To take arranged marriage as but one example, people hook up and later fall in love. Women in particular sometimes marry for the financial security it brings but love their husbands (I have a friend who is the total exemplar of that)

That's all very well and I don't disagree but it has nothing to do with my post, which put forward the proposition that >90% of gay sex tourists in Thailand (and who would fit the bill as being old gits) would not get a look in with anybody under 25 in their own country. Nothing to do with arranged marriages whatsoever

[Old git]

' Sorry to trouble you. But, what is a "hi-so girl" and where the hell is Bangers? Next to mash? '

OK, 'hi-so' is a bit of local Thai slang meaning essentially 'a rich kid' - it also fits well as an abbreviation in English for 'high society'

'bangers' is the place correctly known as:

" Krung Thep Mahanakhon Amon Rattanakosin Mahinthara Ayuthaya Mahadilok Phop Noppharat Ratchathani Burirom Udomratchaniwet Mahasathan Amon Piman Awatan Sathit Sakkathattiya Witsanukam Prasit "

Which is the world's longest place name and every Thai schoolkid is required to memorise it.

- It's otherwise known as Bangkok..

[Nirish guy]

' Which is the world's longest place name and every Thai schoolkid is required to memorise it..

OHHHH I think I've just found my next fun game for use in a bar for a bit of fun when things get quiet - so, 100 baht for the first boy to call out the name AND get it 100% correct ! I'm guessing my money is safe for a while! Perhaps a someone in country would test this theory out when next in a bar and report back the results !? :)

[frequent]

That's all very well and I don't disagree but it has nothing to do with my post, which put forward the proposition that >90% of gay sex tourists in Thailand (and who would fit the bill as being old gits) would not get a look in with anybody under 25 in their own country. Nothing to do with arranged marriages whatsoever
Nonsense. Your post was ad hominem attack on a member you’ve never met and know nothing about. That’s the sort of behaviour that’s typical of the dregs of the forum - you know who I mean. You are better than that. My response pointed out that your attack bore no relationship to the reality of observable human behaviour

[scottish-guy]

I didn't attack anybody - I merely opined that if anybody was genuinely an old git then, at home, their dance card wouldn't exactly be full

[colmx]

100 baht for the first boy to call out the name AND get it 100% correct !

Just tried it with my BF and he got to Krung Thep Mahanakhon Amon Rattanakosin Mahinthara Ayuthaya Mahadilok ehhhhhhh...... but as you say, it might make for an interesting bar game when I visit in 2 weeks!

[sglad]

Which is the world's longest place name and every Thai schoolkid is required to memorise it.



No, they're not, at least not in the age of Google.

[Nirish guy]

Just in case anyone is remotely interested I believe ( from an article I read online) that the below is as reasonable translation into English of the Thai words.....

krungthep mahanakorn
(The great city of angels)

amorn rattanakosin mahintara yutthaya mahadilok phop
(the supreme unconqueralble land of the great immortal divinity - Indra),

noparat rajathani burirom
(the royal capital of nine noble gems, the pleasant city)

udomrajaniwes mahasatharn
(with plenty of grand royal palaces)

amorn phimarn avatarnsathit
(and divine paradises for the reincarnated deity - Vishnu)

sakkatattiya visanukam prasit
(given by Indra and created by the god of crafting - Visnukarma).

[scottish-guy]

Oh dear NIrish - if your "new bar game" of reciting the full name of BKK catches on and displaces the wanking contests I fear you won't be popular

:D

[sglad]

That's all very well and I don't disagree but it has nothing to do with my post, which put forward the proposition that >90% of gay sex tourists in Thailand (and who would fit the bill as being old gits) would not get a look in with anybody under 25 in their own country. Nothing to do with arranged marriages whatsoever

Agreed that frequent's comments were irrelevant to your post. That article in The Spectator is a silly, anecdotal, "fun read" and nothing more. Pick up next month's issue of Cosmo and you'll find the exact same article, but written by a woman who claims that women are really looking for men with charm and charisma. Flip open last month's issue of Men's Health and you'll find a hot girl in a bikini with a bubble above her head saying, "I'm really looking for a tall, tanned guy with an eight-pack and buns of steel." It all depends on what they're selling: a conservative, Establishment-type newspaper like The Spectator not surprisingly might pander to rich men with big houses and even bigger bellies about their supposed desirability.

If it's true that women only look for men with big houses, then most women in Singapore would end up as spinsters as most Singaporeans (about 80% I think) live in public housing, including my family. What usually happens is that a couple would apply for a HDB flat when they get engaged and both parties would contribute to the downpayment and eventual 10-20+ year loan. Usually the loan would be paid out of their Central Provident Fund savings which is our national pension fund. Sure, rich and successful men can be attractive but not everyone is looking for that; moreover, most of the time the rich would seek their own kind. I'm sure I can find an article to "prove" that point if I wanted to.

The debate over romantic vs arranged unions often end up being uninstructive because proponents or opponents of either speak in absolute terms without capturing the wide and varied variables between the two. For example, it's not a guarantee that the parties in an arranged or "utilitarian"/practical marriage would eventually fall in love with each other. They may stay married for security reasons, children, etc but the more dependent party might become resentful of the situation after a while and in the extreme case result in the flying farang phenomenon often seen in Thailand.

[Nirish guy]

Oh dear NIrish - if your "new bar game" of reciting the full name of BKK catches on and displaces the wanking contests I fear you won't be popular:D

AHHH but what I didn't tell you was YES the winner gets his 100 baht, BUT what they didn't know is that all the other guys who lost all have to go back to my room hom for a FREE mass orgy ! - See, don't worry there's always a sleaze silver lining if one tries hard enough ! :)

[christianpfc]

I commiserate with the OP. Fortunately, I'm very unlikely to get into such a situation. I only visit each bar once when I'm in Pattaya.

But I know the problem of not getting seen walking past with a boy in tow by boys I know who sit outside, and did some detours. Fortunately, the road network of Sunee Plaza allows to get to any place from at least two sides.