At my age I can only offer boobs

[scottish-guy]

...I'll take a six-pack over boobs, fake or otherwise, any day.

At my age (and in common with most middle age men) I can only offer boobs.

They are, however 100% real (even if rather droopy) - but pushed together (and with the lights out, blackout curtains drawn, and whilst wearing a blindfold) they can provide a reasonable titty ride.

Fancy a date?

:D

[arsenal]

A date with Scottish Guy. Hard to resist.

[frequent]

At my age (and in common with most middle age men) I can only offer boobs.

They are, however 100% real (even if rather droopy) - but pushed together (and with the lights out, blackout curtains drawn, and whilst wearing a blindfold) they can provide a reasonable titty ride.

Fancy a date?

:D

Clearly cdnmatt is a candidate

[poshglasgow]

At my age (and in common with most middle age men) I can only offer boobs.

They are, however 100% real (even if rather droopy) - but pushed together (and with the lights out, blackout curtains drawn, and whilst wearing a blindfold) they can provide a reasonable titty ride.

Fancy a date?

:D

What date did you have in mind SG? I may be in Glasgow on that particular day. I wouldn't be too comfortable with the blindfold though. I like to see whether I'm cumming or going!

Reminds me of the woman who walked into the surgery pushing a pram.
"Doctor, the baby's not looking well. He's awfully thin."
"No problem, whip up your blouse."
"I beg your pardon?"
"Just lift up your blouse while I examine you."
The doctor pushed and pulled and prodded the woman's breasts, after which he said, "I'm not surprised that the baby's malnourished, there's no milk in these breasts."
The woman stared at him and replied, "That's hardly surprising, doctor, for I'm the baby's grandmother - but I'm very glad I came!!"

[scottish-guy]

I think this may have been the same Doctor, but anyway this guy walks into his surgery:

Doctor you'll have to help me

Why, whatever's the matter

I've got 3 strawberries stuck up my arse

YOU'VE WHAT?????????????

I said I've got 3 strawberries stuck up my arse.

Yes, I know what you said - I just can't believe it.
Look take your pants off, bend over the desk and let's have a look....
My God, you do have 3 strawberries stuck up your arse

I know - but can you do anything

Yes, I'll give you some cream!

[poshglasgow]

"Quick, doctor, I need something for my liver."
"Here's a pound of onions!"

[scottish-guy]

A guy comes into the doctor's office and starts maniacally running at each wall, the windows, the door - banging off them each time.

This goes on for 5 minutes

"What on earth is going on" says the Doc

"I can't help it Doctor, I think I'm a moth"

"A moth? A moth?? It's not a Doctor you need it's a psychiatrist!"

"I know but your light was on"

[poshglasgow]

"Doctor, my husband couldn't make it in today as he's very bad with his heart, so I've come to collect his repeat prescription."
"Funny you should say that," replied the doc, "because I've had a delivery this morning of some marvelous new pills that should really help him, but you have to listen carefully to my instructions, okay?"
"Yes doctor."
"Right, here we go. On Monday he takes the green pills and on Tuesday the yellow ones. Skip Wednesday and skip Thursday but on Friday he takes the red ones. Skip Saturday and skip Sunday but on Monday he has to take the green ones again, okay?"
"I think so, doctor."
"Come back and see me next week and tell me how he got on."
"Thank you very much doctor."

She's back a week later and the doctor greets her enthusiastically, anxious to know how the new medication fared.
"So how 's your husband this morning?"
"Doctor, my husband's dead."
"Oh my God, I'm dreadfully sorry to hear that, did you remember to give him the pills in the correct order?"
"It wasn't the pills that killed him, doctor, it was all that bloody skipping!"

[scottish-guy]

Doctor, Doctor - you’ll have to help me-
Yes whats the problem?
It’s my wife
What about her?
Well she’s gone off her rocker - she thinks she’s a savoury pasty and last night i came home and she’d had her head stuck
in the gas oven for 15 mins at regulo 4
My God this is serious - I’ll make a note on her records - whats her name?
Bridie

[scottish-guy]

I don’t expect anybody non-Scottish to get that last one

[gerefan2]

You're right...Google to the rescue for me.

[paborn]

Ah, a sort of Scotish Calzone. Thank god for google.

[latintopxxx]

what a revolting topic...the things scotty will do for attention...yet he dares criticize billy...

[scottish-guy]

It wasn't intended as a standalone topic though, was it?

It was a humorous reply within a thread

[latintopxxx]

....ok, understood

[a447]

No, you lost me completely with that last one, SG.

[scottish-guy]

Quite simple - I didn’t start a topic about titty rides, it was a comment I made on another thread which was then (out with my control) shuffled off to this dead zone

[a447]

[QUOTE=scottish-guy;244725]Quite simple - I didn’t start a topic about titty rides, it was a comment I made on another thread which was then (out with my control) shuffled off to this dead zone[/QUOTE

Sorry. I should have been more specific. My post was directed at your "Bridie" joke.

[gerefan2]

[QUOTE=scottish-guy;244725]Quite simple - I didn’t start a topic about titty rides, it was a comment I made on another thread which was then (out with my control) shuffled off to this dead zone[/QUOTE

Sorry. I should have been more specific. My post was directed at your "Bridie" joke.

Google is your friend! Jokes aren't the same when they need to be explained though!

[paborn]

A valid point. I googled "bridie" and got caught up in such information as some use flaky pastry and some use short dough. Evaluations of how comparable they are to Cornish pasties or even Spanish Pastelles; all mixed in with one vent for plain and two vents if made qwith onions.

I quite forgot that I was trying to understand a joke. I got terribly hungry though.

[arsenal]

Yes Paborn. Me too now. Haha.

[scottish-guy]

A valid point. I googled "bridie" and got caught up in such information as some use flaky pastry and some use short dough. Evaluations of how comparable they are to Cornish pasties or even Spanish Pastelles; all mixed in with one vent for plain and two vents if made qwith onions.

I quite forgot that I was trying to understand a joke. I got terribly hungry though.

Congratulations on making the effort Paborn, but, as another contributor correctly pointed out, once a joke has to be explained it ceases to be funny.

Maybe I'll try sending you a glossary of terms, BEFORE the joke next time

Meanwhile I can put your mind at rest - this is my own explnation, not from the internet:

A Scottish "Bridie" is a savoury meat pasty with a flaky pastry "case". The "meat" is traditionally mutton and onion - no vegetable. The most famous incarnation of it is from the town of Forfar. It is basically (almost) flat and semi-circular in shape.

A Cornish pasty on the other hand is a non-flaky savoury pasty containing meat and assorted vegetable such as potato. It's almost torpedo shaped and crimped closed at the top

Of course there will be variations of each, but essentially those are the differences as I've experienced them

:D

[paborn]

Yes, I got all that from google, just shortened it. Oddly, I still don't get the joke. But, there is a lot of fun in trying!

[gerefan2]

A Scottish "Bridie" is a savoury meat pasty with a flaky pastry "case". The "meat" is traditionally mutton and onion - no vegetable. The most famous incarnation of it is from the town of Forfar. It is basically (almost) flat and semi-circular in shape.

A Cornish pasty on the other hand is a non-flaky savoury pasty containing meat and assorted vegetable such as potato. It's almost torpedo shaped and crimped closed at the top
:D

The Meatloaf crew would spend hours (no weeks) discussing this...

[Jellybean]

Doctor, Doctor - you’ll have to help me-
Yes whats the problem?
It’s my wife
What about her?
Well she’s gone off her rocker - she thinks she’s a savoury pasty and last night i came home and she’d had her head stuck
in the gas oven for 15 mins at regulo 4
My God this is serious - I’ll make a note on her records - whats her name?
Bridie

Well, I thought it was funny, but I'm sure I first heard the joke when I was schoolboy.

I have highlighted two of the most important parts, paborn. The joke is that a bridie is, as scottish-guy says, a "savoury meat pasty" but Bridie is also a Christian name. :)

[paborn]

Thank you! That's what I was missing - it's a Christian name as well; I had no idea.

[Nirish guy]

Excuse me - I can here specifically looking and expecting to find detailed information on BOOBS and now I'm reading posts about jokes and bloody cornish pasties !!!

My god the moderation on this site is getting SO lax !!! :-)))

he he

[frequent]

Isn't calling first names "Christian Names" somewhat politically incorrect, especially as most of the boys whose company we keep are, at least nominally, Buddhist or Moslem? A Scot of course is most likely Calvinist, which doesn't really count as Christian in my book:mocking_mini:

[Smiles]

I don’t expect anybody non-Scottish to get that last one
I just hope and pray it IS the last one. I normally enjoy British/Scottish/Welsh/Irish kind of humour, in dribs and drams, but this board is fast becoming riddled with it . . . for "thems" only.
Where's King George (The Nutter) when one needs one?

[scottish-guy]

You know Smiles, some people would regard it as a good thing that 3 or 4 of us on this board feel sufficiently at home and relaxed with each other that we can play ping pong with some (pretty bad) jokes - which nobody else is forced to read or comment on (especially within a thread which had no serious content in the first place).

Only on a Gay message board populated by miserable old scrotes would that be regarded as a 'bad thing'

May I ask what level of academic discourse you expected when you visited a thread entitled "At my age I can only offer boobs", and how disappointed were you on a scale of 1-10 that you did not find it?

[a447]

I love all the jokes, even though some are specific to the U.K. and I don't get them.

It's great to wake up in the morning and have a good laugh. What better way to start the day?

Well,......

[paborn]

Actually, I enjoy them too. But, if a few posters are comfortable enough to pass jokes they should be comfortable enough to understand others questioning, and joking about it as well. there is no bad intent here just comfortable repartee.

[Jellybean]

. . . I have highlighted two of the most important parts, paborn. The joke is that a bridie is, as scottish-guy says, a "savoury meat pasty" but Bridie is also a Christian name. :)


Isn't calling first names "Christian Names" somewhat politically incorrect . . .

Really? Well, well, well, I didn’t know that. I must have missed the memo. In that case, I apologise if I have caused any offence to our members and readers.

Oh, and by the way, let me say how nice it is to see StevieWonders back amongst us. ;)

[scottish-guy]

....let me say how nice it is to see StevieWonders

More than Stevie Wonder could do.

Now that's bad taste!

:drink:

[arsenal]

I'd happily eat a few of these.

https://www.theguardian.com/travel/2018/jul/05/buttery-rowies-traditional-scottish-pastry-scotland-aberdeen-aberdeenshire

[StevieWonders]

Oh, and by the way, let me say how nice it is to see StevieWonders back amongst us. ;)Thank you Jellybean. I'm busier than arsenal's dildo at the moment and barely find the time to log on. When I do it's a scattering of "like" flags over posts from (at most) the last couple of days, plus an in-depth review of the latest bitch fight. At the moment this seems to be between those silly old queens lonelywombat and frequent, each representing one half of Walpole's saying "To those who feel, life is a tragedy; to those who thing it is a comedy"

Pip pip!

[arsenal]

The only dildo's in my life are here.