A lesson from the straight world....

[homeseeker]

https://www.thaivisa.com/forum/topic/1031266-foreigner-hangs-himself-burns-house-down-next-to-final-message-to-wife-you-have-stolen-everything-from-me/?page=1


As one of the posters on the Thai Visa forum says:

"
It happens all the time, guys lose everything to parasites and family
...."

[goji]

I hope he made sure there was no insurance on the property.

[Jellybean]

I hope he made sure there was no insurance on the property.

Good point goji. One can only wonder what sort of hell the poor man was put through by the family to come to the conclusion that the only way out was to burn down his house, vehicle and motorcycle and then to hang himself. What a truly horrific story. May the poor guy rest in peace.

The news article has reminded me of a trip I made up to Chiang Mai many years ago, when I attended a 6 week Thai language course. A straight male, fellow student recommended I read Private Dancer by Stephen Leather. I've mentioned this book a couple of times on the forum, but it's worth advocating again. It's about straight guys coming to Thailand and falling in love with Thai girls on the go-go bar scene. While it's about females, it is still highly relevant for gay readers, as it provides some very good and sometimes, tragic, storylines about what happens when some foreigners fall in love with a prostitute and lose all sense of proportion.

There was a marvellous and particularly apt line in the book, something like, "On arriving in Thailand they [the foreigners] check in their brains at the airport and start thinking with their dicks."

[a447]

On arriving in Thailand they [the foreigners] check in their brains at the airport and start thinking with their dicks.

Guilty as charged!

Lol

[kittyboy]

Good point goji.

There was a marvellous and particularly apt line in the book, something like, "On arriving in Thailand they [the foreigners] check in their brains at the airport and start thinking with their dicks."

About 5-6 years ago I spent the good part of the summer in Thailand. I was hanging out in Sunee plaza and met a younger guy who had fallen for a go go boy. The go go boy (at first) was nice to the farang and took his money for short term. However, the farang fell in love with the go go boy and started chasing (stalking) the go go boy. The go go boy basically took the farang for as much money as he could..and then I think the go go boy got either disgusted or became afraid of the farang. Toward the end of the summer the farang was desperately calling the go go boy crying and professing love..etc..
It was sad to watch. The farang seemed to be a bit of loser back home so maybe this was his first taste of love?

I think I have a somewhat realistic view. Some of the go go boys are OK and can be trusted in small ways. But many if not most are emotionally children and subject to emotional thinking and acting on emotion and not thinking.

Over the years I have met a couple of guys that I meet up with on a regular basis and might even consider something long term if I moved to thailand (after divorcing my current spouse - LOL). But it would be the acme of stupidity to marry or try to carry on a long term relationship with most bar boys or girls.

[bkkguy]

Some of the go go boys are OK and can be trusted in small ways. But many if not most are emotionally children and subject to emotional thinking and acting on emotion and not thinking.

this conclusion is obviously not based on the anecdote preceding it

bkkguy

[Dimsumbear]

I regret reading the Private Dancer as it bursts my romantic bubble and never look at the boys the same anymore. Sometimes you lose all the fun knowing too much of the sad truth. My heart goes to those who hang on to the fantasy too tight and eventually hang himself literally. One must remember this is the adult Disneyland: we enjoy the facilities even knowing everything is staged and fake; but we can’t stay inside forever.

[arsenal]

Dimsumbear is right and many of the boys stories are very sad, Thailand is after all, still a third world country in many parts. However that doesn't mean you can't have a pleasant time with them that isn't unpleasant for them. Its also heartening to see how so many of the boys forge strong friendships with each other and if successful build relatively comfortable lives.

[kittyboy]

this conclusion is obviously not based on the anecdote preceding it

bkkguy

My posting was mostly stream of consciousness and not intended to be internally logically consistent.

[StevieWonders]

My posting was mostly stream of consciousness and not intended to be internally logically consistent.

I thought that was quite evident from several of your posts recently and I'm surprised bkkguy can't see that.

[bkkguy]

I thought that was quite evident from several of your posts recently and I'm surprised bkkguy can't see that.

I was in good (?) company - but I at least least was challenging the post unlike forum bastions like a447, bobsaigon2, dinagam, Jellybean, snotface, splinter1949 and TaoR who all "liked" the original kittyboy post despite its political incorrectness and logical inconsistencies

bkkguy

[kittyboy]

I was in good (?) company - but I at least least was challenging the post unlike forum bastions like a447, bobsaigon2, dinagam, Jellybean, snotface, splinter1949 and TaoR who all "liked" the original kittyboy post despite its political incorrectness and logical inconsistencies

bkkguy
Oh..the horror..political incorrectness and logical inconsistencies..OHHHH NO.
This is a free form posting board..there are no requirements for either PC or logic.

[goji]

this conclusion is obviously not based on the anecdote preceding it
bkkguy

If that is a conclusion, you could well be correct. However, I don't read that as a conclusion.

I see one paragraph about farang being exploited by the boys. Then a separate paragraph about how far boys are to be trusted & how they think.

[Eddie]

The message next to the swinging body of the "40 year old man" said in English: "Are you happy now? You and your family have stolen everything from me including my daughter and my life. Now you have all exactly as you wanted."

I think the answer to that is a resounding YES! She IS happy. He's saved her the trouble of waiting for him to drink himself to death or getting her Thai boyfriend to arrange an "accident". His story dies with him but she's free to rewrite the history of their relationship: he was an abusive husband, he was a drunk & a womaniser, he tried to rape her sister, etc. And the whole village will go with that narrative while she gets everything exactly as she wanted. He'll be forgotten in two months.

Silly man.

[kittyboy]

I think the answer to that is a resounding YES! She IS happy. He's saved her the trouble of waiting for him to drink himself to death or getting her Thai boyfriend to arrange an "accident". His story dies with him but she's free to rewrite the history of their relationship: he was an abusive husband, he was a drunk & a womaniser, he tried to rape her sister, etc. And the whole village will go with that narrative while she gets everything exactly as she wanted. He'll be forgotten in two months.

Silly man.

Ouch.. I suspect what you wrote is largely true.

The story is very sad.

[a447]

The story is very sad.

Yet it is one we hear so often.

There was a documentary series broadcast in Australia last year about Aussies who get into trouble in Thailand. And it was the same story, over and over again - bar girls dragging guys into their trap (so to speak), taking all their money and then dumping them. They had lost their life savings.

There was one story about a girl who demanded her boyfriend buy her parents a house in Issan. As he suspected she was also fucking other farang, he refused so she stole his passport and demanded 100,000 baht to return it.

He went to the police, who found the girl and then demanded he pay her the money!

I wonder what their take was.

[kittyboy]

Yet it is one we hear so often.

There was a documentary series broadcast in Australia last year about Aussies who get into trouble in Thailand. And it was the same story, over and over again - bar girls dragging guys into their trap (so to speak), taking all their money and then dumping them. They had lost their life savings.

There was one story about a girl who demanded her boyfriend buy her parents a house in Issan. As he suspected she was also fucking other farang, he refused so she stole his passport and demanded 100,000 baht to return it.

He went to the police, who found the girl and then demanded he pay her the money!

I wonder what their take was.

I am a chatter upper which means I like to talk to people about their lives. Shop owners..store clerks..my administrative assistants..my students..etc.
Mostly it is because I am intensely interested in the stories of people...everyone has a story..often boring and or just prosaic. But everyone has a story and it honors our common humanity by at least pretending to be interested.

I chat up farangs in thailand and I have met quite a few farang who have thai partners..spouses..wives..or boyfriends who settled down and made lives for themselves in thailand. What the ratio is of success to failure?? I have no idea..but I suspect that there are more failures. More bar girls/boys and transient customers who cycle through buying sex and falling for the illusion of that they have found love or found something more than a commercial transaction.

A friend and I joked that the bar boys/girls motto was "I love you short time forever as long as you pay".

[DaveyJonesLocker]

I... by at least pretending to be interested.

Yes!

[Blacktouch]

We are just an ATM to these Thai boys and girls.

Some get away with it, loads don't. Some are genuine love, most are not.

It would be interested to know the percentage of this is?

And the sad thing is, this will continue on and on again.

[a447]

Probably one way to determine whether or not the bf or gf was genuine would be to see if they'd be willing to give up their life in Thailand and move with you back home.

That way they would also have a difficult time getting access to your money.

[kittyboy]

Probably one way to determine whether or not the bf or gf was genuine would be to see if they'd be willing to give up their life in Thailand and move with you back home.

That way they would also have a difficult time getting access to your money.

Hmm...I am not following your train of thought.
If someone went back to a person's home country I think they would have more access to financial records..etc...They would have access to computers...mail...emails..and if they were of a sleazy disposition they could loot their lovers accounts and then scamper back to the land of smiles with a healthy bit of cash.

[Blacktouch]

Hmm...I am not following your train of thought.
If someone went back to a person's home country I think they would have more access to financial records..etc...They would have access to computers...mail...emails..and if they were of a sleazy disposition they could loot their lovers accounts and then scamper back to the land of smiles with a healthy bit of cash.

Not if your very careful and smart?

[a447]

I think a bar girl would find it very hard to access her bf's financial details on the computer is he didn't give her his various passwords.

If she is in his country she can't threaten to go back to the bar and wait for another love-struck farang to appear.

In any case, I don't think the average bar girl is all that worldly. I seriously doubt she could do much harm.

[dinagam]

Maybe true, but on the other hand she could simply leave you for the handsome pensioner next door.

[snotface]

Many a farang has taken a bar boy to his home country thinking the boy will be totally dependent on him (even in extreme fantasies becoming a kind of sex slave), only to discover that once he has found his feet the boy goes exploring, makes new friends and perhaps ends up dumping the farang for another. Plenty of choice, after all. I knew a guy in England who suffered this fate and have heard similar stories of other cases. Me, I'd rather be living in Thailand where I'm the one with lots of choice if a relationship doesn't work out.

[Blacktouch]

Many a farang has taken a bar boy to his home country thinking the boy will be totally dependent on him (even in extreme fantasies becoming a kind of sex slave), only to discover that once he has found his feet the boy goes exploring, makes new friends and perhaps ends up dumping the farang for another. Plenty of choice, after all. I knew a guy in England who suffered this fate and have heard similar stories of other cases. Me, I'd rather be living in Thailand where I'm the one with lots of choice if a relationship doesn't work out.

I guess this happens in all situations? Male and female

[DaveyJonesLocker]

Maybe true, but on the other hand she could simply leave you for the handsome pensioner next door.

Surely she could enjoy the pensioner during the day when you're at work?

[kittyboy]

I know of several older gay men in Newcastle upon Tyne (UK) who have relationships with much younger Asian guys whom (or who? damn that English language) they brought to the UK.
In most cases it has not worked out - for various reasons - I am not close friends with these people but have heard their stories.
From what I have heard in most cases the younger Asian guy got bored with their sugar daddy, they were not into a monogamous relationship with an older guy (differing sex drives?), they got bored hanging around the house with nothing to do, they go bored with life in the suburbs, they got bored with the weather..obviously the underlying theme here is boredom.

From what I have heard most of the couples broke up because of monogamy issues..and or control issues. The older gay man did not want the younger Asian guy to have outside friends..older or younger.

[a447]

And, of course, there's the issue of Thai food.