Why doesn't (poor?) SE Asian families hug?

[cdnmatt]

This one I haven't quite figured out yet, and maybe someone can provide some insight. Wht doesn't parents here hug their kids, and tell them they love them? In the West it's viewed as very important to hug your kids and tell them you love them, where that doesn't really exist out here. At least not out in the villages. I guess wealthy gamilies may behave differently, but I doubt it.

I'm not talking about one or two isolated cases, but it seems to be pretty much everyone. Just ask any of the guys you know what their childhood was like, and I bet you get basically the same story. From my perspective at least, this is an important aspect of an upbringing, and helps a child grow in a healthy, strong, well balanced adult.

Any insight into this family behavior? Do you view it as positive or negative?

[joe552]

It's don't. not doesn't.

Signed, your friendly local language police

[sglad]

It's don't. not doesn't.

Signed, your friendly local language police

Were you deputised by the android? I take it he's gone off for the weekend.

[Nirish guy]

It's don't. not doesn't.

Signed, your friendly local language police

Dont YOU start too ! One twat on the board doing that is QUITE enough I think.

[Oliver]

It's not just hugging. A few years ago, I discussed kissing with my boyfriend. He's very close to his parents and so I was surprised when he said he never kissed his mother. I have no explanation, and nor did he. It just "wasn't done." He certainly "wais" both of them.

[Nirish guy]

Why just because some families are tactile do they consider that it's important that every other family is. I have friends who can't leave their friends without a round of "ok, see you later, love you, hug kiss" etc etc - personally I just see that as needy insecure bullshit as the very same friends a month later will be telling what a cunt "x" is, only to then be hugging and kissing them a month later after that again - hence my view of it's all just bullshit.

Speaking personally my family aren't at all tactile and my parents were fairly much of the Victorian mind set of it's crass to "show emotion" and always show a "stiff upper lip" etc and in fact the only time my father hugged me was on the day of his own fathers funeral. Did this mean they / he loved me any less than someone who's parent's either felt the need or some child who felt the need for their love to be constantly reinforced. I don't think so.

As an aside to the above I actually had this conversation with my mother a while back and expressed the opinion that we were perhaps TOO "cold" on that topic as I grew up and so I purposefully give her a kiss on the cheek each time I leave her house now, but that's more as she's in her 80"s and you just never know will it be the last time etc - for the record I'm fairly sure my mother hates it but simply humours my somewhat weak and needy request ( as she would see it.) - Does my kiss mean I love my mother more or less than anyone else than if she didn't get it, no of course not - we're all different and just because something is usual is one family doesn't automatically mean it has to be in ALL families. The world would be a very boring place if we were all the same.

[joe552]

I totally agree with you NIirish. I'm not a huggy person, but the rest of my family seem to be, so I go along with it. I think the only time it's necessary among family is at a funeral. When I visit siblings at 'Christmas, for example, their offspring know I don't do hugs. What's even worse is that my sister expects a kiss on the lips when we say goodbye. I hate it, but go along with it.

Regarding my part-time membership of the spelling and grammar police, I think certain basic standards need to be upheld, otherwise chaos reins.

[MiniMee]

I think certain basic standards need to be upheld, otherwise chaos reins.

You mean ......chaos reigns

[cdnmatt]

Regarding my part-time membership of the spelling and grammar police, I think certain basic standards need to be upheld, otherwise chaos reins.


Settle down Joe, it's not the end of the world. I'm fairly confident the sun will continue to rise each morning.

It's part and parcel of being blind, as you have to learn how to visualize everything in your head. Obviously, if I could see the screen as I was typing, I would have known that doesn't look right, and wouldn't have made that error.

[Smiles]

You mean ......chaos reigns
Yep ... a slypri slowp it is being bothered with spelling screwups on a message board.
Hmmmm, seems like just yesterday that a few Mods here were into that. But the 10 Commandments came down from the mountain, angry, to smyte them, and rain them in.

Christian!!!!! where art thou? :mad: I need a hug!

[bobsaigon2]

Thais may feel that hugging and kissing may reveal too much of their emotional state, may in a sense risk a loss of face. Or as Nirish said in post 6, "...my family aren't at all tactile and my parents were fairly much of the Victorian mind set of it's crass to "show emotion" and always show a "stiff upper lip" etc..."

Thai student returns to family after several years abroad. Wai's of course, but aside from that just a gentle pat on the shoulder by mom or dad. No hugs or kisses.

And whatever happened to the romantic sniff-kiss? No lip kissing when I first came to Thailand many many years ago, though thankfully most of the Twilight boys are not hesitant about it now.

American friend with Cambodian bf reports that he experimented with some sniff kissing and his bf was immediately aroused.

All of this appears to be perfect material for someone's D Phil dissertation. Looking forward to that.

BTW, after reading Nirish's post above I had to double check to see who wrote it. No evidence of his usual stream of consciousness, to hell-with-grammatical-agreement-and-spelling writing. Completely intelligible. Maybe that's an example of his weekend posting? :)

[kittyboy]

Many people in the west may have grown up with parents that were not huggy kissy types etc. And some poster here may want to regale us with tales of their sterile upbringing..but I think the question Matt poses is a question about the values and norms of a society. Not the values and norm of one family.

In general are the norms and values of Thailand such that parents do not hug and kiss their children? In general what does Thai culture see as appropriate forms of displays of affection between generations?

I now live in the USA. But I did live in China for 6 years and Chinese parents are in general (one can always trot out some counter example-- so what..I am talking about in general the majority of Chinese parents) are not affectionate towards their children. Chinese parents dote on their offspring, they make sacrifices for their children..but they are not huggers and kissers.

Chinese children are supposed to know that their parents care for them and love them because the parents sacrifice for their children..provide food and clothing.. and make sure the child get a good education and parents endlessly criticize their children for not working hard enough..which supposedly demonstrates how much the parent loves the child.

[cdnmatt]

No, I'm not really talking about some families are closer than others. Without question, this is across the board, and a (large) cultural difference between the West and East.

I'm just curious if anyone has any insight as to why. Best I have is due to the respect aspect of society here, as far more importance is placed on respect in SE Asis than out West. Maybe here the culture dictates if you show too much love, you lose respect? You have to admit, in general terms, SE Asian kids are far better behaved than Western kids.

Maybe it's simply you need to be strong in life, and love weakens you? That can't be it, because love only makes you stronger. I don't know... would like to understand better though, especially if we're taking Leo's nephews in.

[Smiles]

I rather enjoyed Nirish's "no paragraphs, no periods, period!" philosophy: Nirish channeling Kerouac channeling Thai script.
Not sure I'd like it so much if everyone does it, but just having one member who writes a 3,690-word apostrophe-less post is nicely challenging.



" ... I'm just curious if anyone has any insight as to why ... "
Because Thai's (and other nationalities) are different. This is hardly rocket science.


" ... Maybe it's simply you need to be strong in life, and love weakens you? ..."
Oh please!

[MiniMee]

But the 10 Commandments came down from the mountain, angry, to smyte them, and rain them in.

Err.....that would be rein them in this time.

[FarangRuMak]

All that hugging and kissing in the coming and going of folks started in America and then spread throughout the west via Movies & TV.
The old Victorian disapproval of emotion display mentioned by NIrish fits well with conservative Christians of all types.
Poverty is the world's greatest 'kill-joy'.
Money is not the root of all evil-lack of money is much nearer the mark in this regard.
Perhapse somebody here could give more of an insight into the Asian reluctance to show emotion.

[bobsaigon2]

Matt says: "You have to admit, in general terms, SE Asian kids are far better behaved than Western kids."

Bob says: No, I don't have to admit that. On a daily basis I see kids at restaurants, coffee shops, supermarket aisles running rampant, shouting and screaming, while their parents are clearly in attendance. These kids are speaking (shouting) in Vietnamese or Thai or Khmer and their little eyes look very Asian to me.

OK, if a parent introduces a child to you, you are likely to get a wai in Thailand and Cambodia, and a hands-clasped slight bow in Vietnam. But that is the extent of their "better behaviour".

[Smiles]

Err.....that would be rein them in this time.
Err, yes, I know. On purpose, as are the other spelling mistakes there. Just trying to be a dick, after promising not to be. With Matt ... can't help myself.
What about "slypri slowp"?

[cdnmatt]

Matt says: "You have to admit, in general terms, SE Asian kids are far better behaved than Western kids."

Bob says: No, I don't have to admit that. On a daily basis I see kids at restaurants, coffee shops, supermarket aisles running rampant, shouting and screaming, while their parents are clearly in attendance. These kids are speaking (shouting) in Vietnamese or Thai or Khmer and their little eyes look very Asian to me.

OK, if a parent introduces a child to you, you are likely to get a wai in Thailand and Cambodia, and a hands-clasped slight bow in Vietnam. But that is the extent of their "better behaviour".



Really? That hasn't been my experience at least. For example, if I end up on a songtaew full of kids coming home from school, I don't worry about it at all, and just hop on. However, not a chance I would get get on a school bus in Canada packed with 13 year olds.

Another example, if I go to the mall, and there's a group of say 10 teenagers hanging out, again, no worry at all and just walk past. That same scenario in Canada, there's a decent chance I would go out of my way to ensure there's some distance between us.

I guess the only real experience I have with kids here is when Kim's little brother stayed with us for a while, although no real idea how old he was. OOccasionally asked him for a few years, and each time he said he was 11, so who knows. Nonetheless, he was a great kids, and no problems at all with him. I guess I was pretty hands off with him, but he was really well behaved. He'd come bug me while working, and we'd watch some funny Youtube vids together, play some badminton on the street, etc. I can't think of a single thing to fault him for.

I remember when my nephews were that age, and they weren't that well behaved at all, and they were actually really good kids. Far better than some of their shithead friends, that's for sure.

[kittyboy]

Because Thai's (and other nationalities) are different. This is hardly rocket science.


Oh please!

It is not rocket science. It is social science and why other cultures do nor do not do things is an interesting field of study.

[snotface]

All of this appears to be perfect material for someone's D Phil dissertation. Looking forward to that.


Rest assured, many have been written already on this subject, usually in excruciating 'sociologese' language. The main point, in plain English, is that Western societies tend to be individualistic (self-expression, let it all hang out, all about I) and Asian ones collective (group and family cohesion, all about We). In the West if an individual does something wrong he brings shame principally on himself; in Asia he brings shame on his whole group or family. As a result Asian children are brought up learning to suppress emotion as a matter of course, the consequences of shameful acts being so dire. The concept of face, maintaining it and not losing it, is what is important. So any show of emotion, even something as positive as affection for another, is seen as somewhat suspect, with the possibility of being interpreted as weakness or lack of control. It all seems excessive to us, including me, but I can at any rate appreciate the counter-argument that such behaviour helps to keep society functioning on a relatively even keel.

[Dalewood]

Dont YOU start too ! One twat on the board doing that is QUITE enough I think.

That is twit

[bobsaigon2]

Really? That hasn't been my experience

We're talking about different age groups. When you first said Asian "kids" were better behaved, I interpreted that as say, up to 10 years and you must admit that these younger kids in Asia are ones you see at restaurants, coffee shops, supermarket aisles running rampant, shouting and screaming, while their parents are clearly in attendance.

As teenagers, they develop a certain amount of public awareness and decorum, but until then, they are often insufferable.

[cdnmatt]

I don't know, I'll still have to agree to disagree on this one. Maybe things are different in Vietnam, but I haven't noticed that type of behaviour up here at least. I don't ever witness kids rolling cans of concentrated orange juice down the aisle, knocking shit off the shelves just for fun, throwing trantrums in the checkout line, etc. I've seen all that in the West though.

Sure, I've seen kids just being kids, but well... they're kids, that's what they're supposed to do. They're still just exploring the world, and checking everything out, so they're allowed some leeway. I don't think I've ever witnessed something I'd define as bad behaviour though.

Inquisitive? Sure> Bad? Not really. Again, maybe things are different in Vietnam.

[snotface]

With young kids it's mainly a class thing in my experience. The kids from Thailand's rising middle class sometimes misbehave in public, those from poor families not so much. My bugbear is the young kids of Indian middle-class parents that I see in Indian restaurants in Thailand. Spoilt rotten, they run screaming around the room while the parents look on helpless and clueless. One exception was a young Indian boy who ran into a closed glass door. He returned to his seat at the table without a whimper. I suspect concussion accounted for his behaviour.

[Tintin]

Why don't Asian families hug? Or shouldn't the question rather be: Why do American families think they have to hug and kiss each other all the time? In the sense of: Meaningfully hugging and kissing, not casually as in southern Europe or Latin America?

Is it their feeling of forlornness and uncertainty? Or is it an expression of modern political correctness? Or did they just watch too many Hollywood movies? THAT would be the questions worth to research.

[bobsaigon2]

I don't know, I'll still have to agree to disagree on this one. Maybe things are different in Vietnam, but I haven't noticed that type of behaviour up here at least. I don't ever witness kids rolling cans of concentrated orange juice down the aisle, knocking shit off the shelves just for fun, throwing trantrums in the checkout line, etc. I've seen all that in the West though.

Sure, I've seen kids just being kids, but well... they're kids, that's what they're supposed to do. They're still just exploring the world, and checking everything out, so they're allowed some leeway. I don't think I've ever witnessed something I'd define as bad behaviour though.

Inquisitive? Sure> Bad? Not really. Again, maybe things are different in Vietnam.

We are still not talking about the same thing. I'm referring to Asian kids 10 and under whose parents allow them to run wild in public spaces: restaurants, coffee shops, supermarkets. That meets my definition of bad behavior.

In contrast, you bring up juvenile delinquents in Canada. Hardly the same thing.

[cdnmatt]

Why don't Asian families hug? Or shouldn't the question rather be: Why do American families think they have to hug and kiss each other all the time? In the sense of: Meaningfully hugging and kissing, not casually as in southern Europe or Latin America?

Is it their feeling of forlornness and uncertainty? Or is it an expression of modern political correctness? Or did they just watch too many Hollywood movies? THAT would be the questions worth to research.


Huh? I guess I don't know too much about mainland Europe, but did live in the UK for an year, and parents there are just as affectionate as North America. On the streets you'd see things like fathers give this kids a quick "shoulder hug", and things of that nature. That type of thing is pretty much off limits in SE Asia.

[Nirish guy]

Maybe that's an example of his weekend posting? :)

You may well be bang on re that as for a change I WAS actually sitting at home at a computer, rather than in a car park or something usually waiting on my BF so logging on for a minute to having a quick read / post on my phone etc, which is more usually why my posts get the scant attention by me that they deserve when posting to some internet message board.

[Nirish guy]

That is twit

Nope, I'm fairly sure I meant TWAT :) (it's slang for a women genitalia.)

[joe552]

Nope, I'm fairly sure I meant TWAT :) (it's slang for a women genitalia.)

You of course know more about that subject than most of us, NIirsh

[Nirish guy]

And why would that be pray tell ?

Ive certainly come across plenty of cunts in my time thats for sure - and yes in both senses of the word before anyone asks.

[joe552]

I thought I remembered you posting ages ago about a night you spent with a woman in Pattaya. Or maybe it was a ladyboy?

[Nirish guy]

I lived with a women for several years so nothing strange there.......

[sglad]

On a daily basis I see kids at restaurants, coffee shops, supermarket aisles running rampant, shouting and screaming, while These kids are speaking (shouting) in Vietnamese or Thai or Khmer and their little eyes look very Asian to me.



A racist statement from someone who freely admits that he moved to Vietnam because he wouldn't get a second glance from young men back home, perhaps because those big bright blue eyes are able to see him for exactly what he is.

[snotface]

A racist statement from someone who freely admits that he moved to Vietnam because he wouldn't get a second glance from young men back home, perhaps because those big bright blue eyes are able to see him for exactly what he is.

You're waaay overreacting to a harmless, mildly amusing description.

[bobsaigon2]

Never mind what sglad says. He's always looking for some way to attack. And he always seems to be having a bad day. I'm not interested in playing word games with him.

[gerefan2]

Quite right Bob. I’m not sure if sglad is American, but they as a whole have caught a serious dose of racism!

[a447]

Well, Bob (may I call you Giz?) lucky you didn't refer to their black hair.

Asians with Asian eyes and black hair!

Gawd! What next?

[bobsaigon2]

Well, Bob (may I call you Giz?) lucky you didn't refer to their black hair. Asians with Asian eyes and black hair! Gawd! What next?

Sure, Giz is fine. That's what all my friends call me. Ever since I refused to believe that sg is Singaporean, he has been poised for attacks. One could hardly expect less from the creator of a fictional character. :)

[joe552]

Giz, did I ever meet your twin Jizz?

[bobsaigon2]

Giz, did I ever meet your twin Jizz?

You may have, but I wouldn't know. We haven't spoken in years. One of those cyberspace sibling rivalries that went bad.

[joe552]

Sorry to hear that bob - he spoke very highly of you

[sglad]

Ever since I refused to believe that sg is Singaporean, he has been poised for attacks. One could hardly expect less from the creator of a fictional character. :)

I honestly don't care what people believe of me and I usually respond to the content of a post, not the poster. You're nobody and in no way special to me. When it comes to personal matters, I focus on my family, friends and those close to me and, while life will always have its challenges, I try to live each day to the fullest in the company of friends and loved ones, hopefully for many more years to come.

[a447]

Sglad, I've sent you a PM.

[bobsaigon2]

Sglad: You wish to use your post 44 to erase your post 35? No, it doesn't work that way.

[sglad]

Sglad: You wish to use your post 44 to erase your post 35?

No, I wished you well. I'm now heading out for a bit of drinking and dancing as I didn't go out over the weekend. Ciao.

[joe552]

I told you he was fuckin: Italian

[bobsaigon2]

No, I wished you well. I'm now heading out for a bit of drinking and dancing as I didn't go out over the weekend. Ciao.

You can neither reconcile nor explain the conflict between 44 and 35. Non e vero?

I think we have come to the end of this discussion. Ciao.

[joe552]

Anyway Matt, back to the matter in hand. You've been living in Thailand for a number of years (allegedly) and yet you post such a simplistic question, worthy of a first timer. Have you never asked Kim or Leo this question? Surely they would be more tuned in to local custom than us farangs?

[joe552]

bob, I'm conflicted here - pasta is my favourite food, but I'm not sure about Italians.

[bobsaigon2]

bob, I'm conflicted here - pasta is my favourite food, but I'm not sure about Italians.

Joe, I don’t think pasta is mentioned in the bible and Christ was distributing loaves and fishes, not lasagna, so we are basically free to like or dislike pasta without offending any religious body.

However, there is Rome, where for hundreds of years, the popes were always of Italian heritage, and the city is the center of the Catholic faith, etc., so do we owe any type of respect or deference to the Italians we meet in daily life?

No, no more respect than we would accord those of the French or Albanian or Swedish persuasion. The only Italians I’ve met have been those on my mother’s side of the family and they were all born in the US. Thus, I probably cannot relate to your Dublin encounters with paesani.

Leaving the realm of political correctness, I now state freely that there are some groups I feel bear a burden of proof before they earn my trust, despite the fact that I have met some exceptional exceptions to this rule. These tend to be people from the Asia-Pacific part of the world.

If one is not comfortable with people of a certain ethnicity, but one enjoys their food, all I can say is buon appetito. :)

[joe552]

Have to think about that one, bob

[cdnmatt]

Totally off topic, but since pasta was brought up.... we were out grocery shopping today, and I ended up throwing a couple bags of penne pasta in the wrong cart.

hehe, quite funny... "here, I think you could use some pasta, have some~!". Then Leo comes back, "no Matt, that's not our cart, our cart is over here". Ohhh, ok... :)

hehe... you had to be there, but it was pretty funny. Apparently, the ladies who I thought needed some pasta took it in good humor too, and just laughed it off.

[joe552]

Gosh, Matt, the excitement of your daily life life never ceases to amaze me. Now, a technical question, how did you explain to Leo that it was penne pasta you wanted, not spaghetti, not lasagne sheets, but penne?

As I said above, pasta dishes are my favourites, and despite being Irish, I eat more pasta than potatoes. But I would struggle to describe the kind of pasta I like (spaghettit, linguine, etc) to someone who spoke English, let alone someone who is not au fait (french) with Western food.

[Brad the Impala]

Gosh, Matt, the excitement of your daily life life never ceases to amaze me.

I can understand why you find it exciting.

[cdnmatt]

Gosh, Matt, the excitement of your daily life life never ceases to amaze me. Now, a technical question, how did you explain to Leo that it was penne pasta you wanted, not spaghetti, not lasagne sheets, but penne?

As I said above, pasta dishes are my favourites, and despite being Irish, I eat more pasta than potatoes. But I would struggle to describe the kind of pasta I like (spaghettit, linguine, etc) to someone who spoke English, let alone someone who is not au fait (french) with Western food.


No, it's just that I concentrate on the important things in life -- the small, meaningless things, because after all, that's what makes life worth living.

And I've been living with Leo for about 15 months. He knows what penne pasta is. When he doesn't know what I'm looking for, I have Siri on hand, and she's excellent at searching the internet for images for me, so I can show Leo or the clerk what I'm looking for.

[joe552]

I love it when a new character is introduced to the soap opera without warning. So now we have Siri, who's apparently female (although, I admit, could be an app, for all I know). But now we have a 3 way relationship. And that's just for shopping. What's the sound of a mind boggling?

[Nirish guy]

What's the sound of a mind boggling?

Probably close to the sound of the voice of Siri, you know that electronic intelligent voice assistant (App) that that Matt WAS actually talking about :-) As to how Matt can be sure as to what image Siri IS actually showing on his said device that he's showing to the shop worker etc is I suppose a whole other matter.

[cdnmatt]

I love it when a new character is introduced to the soap opera without warning. So now we have Siri, who's apparently female (although, I admit, could be an app, for all I know). But now we have a 3 way relationship. And that's just for shopping. What's the sound of a mind boggling?


hahaha. come on Joe, you're only 62. You're not supposed to be that out of the loop yet.

Siri is Apple's little voice assistant that's built into all iPhones, and has been for many years now. I just tell my phone something like, "search for images of asparagus", then show my phone to Leo / clerk, wait for something to get put into my hands, and feel it out to see if that's what I want or not. :)

I could understand if you don't know who Alexa is yet, but you should know who Siri is by now. :)

[Nirish guy]

I just tell my phone something like, "search for images of asparagus", then show my phone to Leo / clerk, wait for something to get put into my hands, and feel it out to see if that's what I want or not. :)

Must be a bitch when you've asked for a tin of chicken soup !

[cdnmatt]

Must be a bitch when you've asked for a tin of chicken soup !



No, Leo knows English well enough to handle that. Many times I have to spell it out to him, but he gets it.

Then at home, I can easily distinguish a can of chicken soup, because it's very liquidy, so only need to shake the cans. You're right though, can't distinguish between a can of mushroom or tomato soup, hence why in the cupboard mushroom is on the right, and tomato is on the left. :)

Other small things like that, such as Lays chips / crips (for you UK folk). I've opened two bags already, and both were plain, so I'm guessing the other 4 bags in there are plain too. Damnit Leo! You know not to get me all plain Lays, and get me different flavors -- sour cream & onion, BBQ, etc. Oh well, it's one of the many things you just learn to let slide when you're blind. No real choice, because otherwise you'd be angry 24x7, and that's not helpful for anything. :)

[Yraen]

I'm just curious if anyone has any insight as to why. Best I have is due to the respect aspect of society here, as far more importance is placed on respect in SE Asis than out West. Maybe here the culture dictates if you show too much love, you lose respect? You have to admit, in general terms, SE Asian kids are far better behaved than Western kids.

1. I agree with Smiles. Asian culture is different to the West. It is based more on "face" (social embarrassment??) than respect.

2. My Thai bf is of similar mind-set. He sniff kisses but he doesn't like French kisses. He is always showing his love - often at the most inappropriate moments - holding hands, hugging my arm, etc. Some sex practices are "dirty" by definition even though he loves having them done to him - sucking his fingers or toes, rimming, etc.

I explained what I was reading here and asked him about his family life - he has never been hugged or kissed by mother, father or other close relatives. From my viewpoint, he has been emotionally deprived all his life. Yet, having known his mother and other relatives, I can see that is loved by them and loves them in return.

Over my years, I have been close-in to other Thai and Asian families and have seen the arms-length familial relationships. And I sort-of understand them because I come from a family where Mum might occasionally accept a kiss on the cheek but hugging not-so-much - Dad didn't do hugs, just shake hands. Generally, I don't think this is the norm either - I think modern Western families are more huggy and kissy especially as we are in an era where huggy and kissy-kissy has become common socially. Go back 40-50 years and consider if man-hugs would have been acceptable.

I guess that societies can be different from one another and that social norms can vary over time. So it is very hard to understand the "rules" of societies or families because they vary so much, in location and time.

[cdnmatt]

Yeah, I understand WHAT the cultural norms / rules are, but don't quite understand WHY. There must be a reasoning behind this, because it's not just one or two families we're talking about, but is a cultural norm.

Reason for the thread is because Leo and myself were laying in bed a while back, and the topic of taking his nephews in came up again. He asked me, "so are they allowed to see us hug?". My initial reaction was, of course they can! Nothing sexual of course. I'll be cutting veggies for dinner, and he'll come up from behind, put his arms around me, and say he loves me. I'll do the same to him while he's at his computer, etc.

My mindset is, if those kids are living with us, then they're going to see every night comfortably and at peace knowing they live in a loving household. That's far better than living in a household where the parents are yelling and screaming at each other all the time, that's for sure.

Then I got to second guessing myself, becuase I know full well that's not how SE Asian families work at all. Parents don't even show affection for each other in front of their kids, let alone actually show affection towards their kids. I thought maybe there's something I'm missing, but apparently nobody knows the WHY either.

[joe552]

This is a really interesting topic. Yraen, you make a lot of sense. When I was growing up in the 60s/70s, hugging within the family wasn't common. Now it's de reguire. (that's your actual French but probably spelled wrong). Now it's everywhere, and I don't feel comfortable with it.

Matt, I've no experience of Asian culture (beyond the bars) so can't help in that regard.

[joe552]

When I go grocery shopping (once a week) if I can't find a particular item, I ask a member of staff.

U2 had a big hit with supermarket shoppers everywhere with their song "I still haven't found what I'm looking for"

When I was a college student in Sunderland (stop sniggering at the back) I worked as a shelf stacker in Asda. Their thing was that if a customer asked you where the canllini beans were, you didn't just say, oh 2 ai;s;es on the left. You actually walked with the customer to where that iitem was/

[francois]

Now it's de reguire. (that's your actual French but probably spelled wrong).


de rigueur, but good try.

[francois]

Speaking of grammar, I believe the title of this post, "Why doesn't SE Asian families hug" should properly be "why don't SE Asian families hug".

Where is Christian when you need him?

[bobsaigon2]

Speaking of grammar, I believe the title of this post, "Why doesn't SE Asian families hug" should properly be "why don't SE Asian families hug".

Where is Christian when you need him?

Who needs Christian? Joe made the correction in post number 2. :)

[joe552]

here to serve. And Moses has agreed to cover all reasonable expenses for my trip

[Moses]

here to serve. And Moses has agreed to cover all reasonable expenses for my trip

You been confused with another my incarnation - Mephisto. Also some rules been applied, I hope you had read contract carefully before to sign it...

[joe552]

Mephitso, I'm leaving the legal stuff up to our in-country member. I'm sure he has a Thai bank account, so that will make transfer of funds much easier.

I'm sure the majority of members here will applaud your generosity.

[bobsaigon2]

:clapping: :clapping: :clapping: (Applauding generosity - and applauding sense of humor)

[francois]

Who needs Christian? Joe made the correction in post number 2. :)

Thank you for the correction and good for Joe.

[loke]

Simple explanation , it's a culture thing . Kids are not being touched that much by their parents. They are used to it so when they grow old they will continue that tradition. But of course when they meet westerners they realize we are different , and will hold your hand , hug you and maybe even kiss you.

But in front of the family ? No no no, they will lose face so don't even try it.