A washing up party?

[joe552]

What do you think of this as a concept? I hate washing up (and other domestic duties) so the dishes pile up until I've run out of clean plates.

So what about a washing up party? You wash 4 plates and get a bj. Wash a pot or two, a bj and a finger up your arse. Haven't quite decided about the frying pan!

[bobsaigon2]

Joe, maybe you need to get out a bit more? Right now it is still early Sunday morning in Dublin. You would have time to get to mass (to the amazement and consternation of priest and parishioners), hit the pub for a pick me up and some pub grub to mark the day.

Btw, What would I be offered for washing two plates and a tea mug?

[scottish-guy]

I think the whole concept is preposterous - but I could be persuaded depending on who's dishing out the "rewards"

See what I did there?

[joe552]

Yes scottish-guy I saw what you did there and am mightily impressed.

bob, on Sundays, pubs don't open until 12.30, it's 10.30 as I type, so not an option. Luckily, I knew this in advance, and am having a glass of wine which I bought last night.

Two plates and a cup will get you a long snog.

[bobsaigon2]

Had to look up snog. Maybe I will wait till there is another option available. No offense. :))

[joe552]

what would be your preferred option, bob?

[bobsaigon2]

Sorry, can't say right now. I am too shy.

[joe552]

go on, you're among friends.

[bobsaigon2]

Paradoxically, I am more shy amongst friends than among strangers. :confused:

[joe552]

well I won't put any pressure on. you can tell us when you're ready. meanwhile, the dishes are piling up.

[joe552]

And so, the situation has become critical, as I knew it would. My sister is coming to visit tomorrow, so those dishes have to be done. No reasonable offer refused.

[cdnmatt]

I honestly don't mind things like the dishes, keeping things tidy, cooking, wiping down the cabinet unit and entertainment system, etc. Leo and myself have our shared responsibilities in the house, and we have a system that works for us. I'm in charge of the dishes, kitchen counters, cooking, and other things. He's in charge of the shopping and the floor, because I'm unable to do it. I've tried to do the floor multiple times, but I basically just end up pushing the dirt around, so I leave that to Leo.

Actually, thanks for the thread, because that reminds me, I'm sure the walls need to be done. That one is Leo's responsibility too, because I'm unable to do it. He can do that sometime in the next few days, as the house owners are coming shortly.

My house is pretty much run under military precision nowadays though. Can't say I enjoy doing it, but I don't really have a choice in the matter, becuase I'm blind now. If the Paprika or fingernail clippers end up two inches away from where they're supposed to be, I flip out. It's much easier just to keep everything 100% in order 100% of the time.

Now if I could just convince Boxer (the brown dog in my avatar) to be quit being a fucken idiot, we'd be good to go. I love him and everything, and have been taking care of him for about 6 years, but jesus christ is he ever stupid. I have no idea what's happening outside, but I'm sure it's not important. That's why I'm currently awake at 2:30am, and he's now locked in the office until morning. I was trying to get a good sleep, and my husband is exhausted from travelling yesterday, and needs a good sleep to. Neither of us need to listen to him being an idiot.

[cdnmatt]

And sure enough, he's now sitting in the office howling, and headbutting the door. Told you, he's really stupid.

Cappunne (the white dog in my avatar) is fine and quite intelligent. Boxer is simply an idiot though.

Looks like I have to get up, and go get angry again. I don't like being angry.

And here I was, really hoping for a good, soild 10 hour sleep in the same bed as my husband, as he just got home from Laos. Obviously, that's not happening.

[cdnmatt]

And while I'm sitting here half asleep and on this tangent, let's keep going...

Fun fact: Don't surprise blind people. We appreciate the sentiment, but we don't like getting surprised. I knew Leo was coming back today, because I made him tell him. He knows not to surprise me, but he did again. I was just tidying up a bit around the house, and all of a sudden felt someone grab me from behind.

That's twice now he was about 2 seconds away from a broken nose. Yeah, don't do that to a blind person.

I'll notice something new on the street, get scared, and start poking at it with my walking stick thinking it's a dead cat or something. It will turn out just to be a newly grown patch of grass. It's very easy to make a blind person scared, so please don't surprise us.

[joe552]

I guess I can't count on Leo coming round for half an hour then? Ah well, I guess I'll just have to manage. Although there is one member of the board who lives about 5 minutes from me, and I've heard nothing from him. It's always at a time of crisis that you find out who your true friends are.

Matt, which is more scary - a patch of grass or being yourself?

[cdnmatt]

And let's keep going...

For fuck sakes, I got my dogs locked down and settled, but there's obviously something happening on the street tonight. I already know, it's that new street dog that's been showing up every day for about a month, becuase the other neighborhood dogs won't stop barking.

Think I need to buy a BB gun. Used to have a neighbor from Scotland who had a BB gun, and used it on the street dogs, to ensure his wife and daughters could get a good sleep. Unfortunately, that probably won't work. I can't shoot them myself out of fear of hitting them in the eye, and I'm sure Leo won't agree to it, because he was a novice monk for the majority of his life. He doesn't even like to kill a spider, let alone shoot a street dog in the bell with a BB gun.

I guess I could alwys just open up my gate, and let my dogs out. That would take care of the problem within 5 minutes, and that street dog would be dead. My dogs are very strong and healthy, so they would be able to take care of the problem without issue. That would be quite cruel though, so don't think I will do it.

Firecrackers though, maybe that. I could even do that one blind, just to scare that street dog enough not to come around anymore. Every single day lately he's been coming by, sits in front of my gate, and starts howling like an idiot. So then sure enough, my dogs decide to start howling back. Then the neighbor dogs hear it, and decide to join the chorus. It's really annoying, especially at 8am every morning.

[cdnmatt]

I guess I can't count on Leo coming round for half an hour then? Ah well, I guess I'll just have to manage. Although there is one member of the board who lives about 5 minutes from me, and I've heard nothing from him. It's always at a time of crisis that you find out who your true friends are.

Matt, which is more scary - a patch of grass or being yourself?



Don't worry about me, I'm good to go. Remembering your previous posts, I'm in a far better position in this life than you are. Again, synical attitudes need to stop.

Don't worry, I'm totally fine with being blind these days. Nowadays, half the time I leave the house, I forget to take my walking stick with me. In other words, I forget I'm even blind lots now, so I'm comfortable with it. I'll get around the corner, realize I don't have my stick, then have to come back home to get it. I need that stupid stick to get around.

[joe552]

Well I have to concede that you live a far more interesting life than I do.

[cdnmatt]

It's now 7:30am, so the door is open, and the dogs are out. That stupid fucken street dog is still there, and won't shut up.

Jesus christ, would I ever love to just open my gate right now.

Ok, Leo's new task for the day. Go buy some fire crackers. I don't want to hurt that street dog, but I definitely want to make him scared, so he fucks off and leaves everyone in the nighborhood alone.

[joe552]

Sorry to draw your attention away from Matt's street dog saga, but the washing up is still there to be done. If I have to do it myself, and it looks like I will, I'll be in a bad mood on here tomorrow. Just a gentle warning.

[bobsaigon2]

Relax, Joe. I've got the solution to your problem:

Mauds Merry Maids
Phone: (01) 401 1901
Email: info@housecleaning.ie

Our services come with 100% satisfaction guarantee

[cdnmatt]

Sorry to draw your attention away from Matt's street dog saga, but the washing up is still there to be done. If I have to do it myself, and it looks like I will, I'll be in a bad mood on here tomorrow. Just a gentle warning.


You do realize that you've probably spent more time in this thread alone about washing the dishes, then it would actually take to do the dishes, right?

Quit being lazy, get off your ass, and go do the dishes.

[joe552]

Matt, I've also spent more time reading your shit than it would take to do the dishes. Who gives a fuck about the street dog outside your house? Or the stupid dog inside it?

bob, thanks for that recommendation - don't know why I didn't think of it myself. They'll have a 20 year old here at 10am, who will happily do the dishes in the nude (for a small gratuity) so it could turn out to be a good day.

[cdnmatt]

Q
Joe, you have to get your sister to go buy you cigarettes. How are you going to afford a maid?

[bobsaigon2]

Could anyone possibly be unaware that this thread was created as an amusement, an entertainment, not to be taken seriously? You know, like the KK Tales.

[joe552]

It's called priorities Matt, and I've only once asked my sister to buy me some tobacco. I guess I'm lucky that I have a family I can call on when I need something. Who do you have? Leo? Yeah right.

[scottish-guy]

In this day and age there are still women called Maud(e)?

I remember a song about inviting Maude into the garden, and Beatrice Arthur in a sit-com of that name - but both from a very long time ago.

[a447]

Joe, get a dish washer or a dishwasher.

Problem solved.

Or just buy paper plates and throw them away after use.

Or go on a diet. The less you eat, the fewer dishes to wash.

Ever thought of getting your stomach stapled? A quick and easy way to cut down on the dishes.

I don't do any housework at all. Never have.

Life is too short for that.

[joe552]

a447 I like your style, but have been told by nutritionists I'm under weight. But I've always been a scrawny little bollox.

scottish, I loved those sitcoms with Bea Arthur. And the Golden Girls.

[christianpfc]

And so, the situation has become critical, as I knew it would. My sister is coming to visit tomorrow, so those dishes have to be done. No reasonable offer refused.
I don't know what kind of woman your sister is, but my mother has to restrain herself when she sees a pile of dirty dishes. Sometimes, when we (my family) eat at a restaurant, I have to remind her: "Mum, we are in a restaurant, get out of the kitchen!".

Matt, try a water gun first (but then Leo would have to aim at the street dogs). Costs less, makes no noise, and can't hurt anyone contrary to firecrackers.

[cdnmatt]

It's called priorities Matt, and I've only once asked my sister to buy me some tobacco. I guess I'm lucky that I have a family I can call on when I need something. Who do you have? Leo? Yeah right.


Yeah, I have a husband, who has taken care of me every single day since I went blind. Trust me, that's no easy feat. Just look at my posts to see why.

I also have two awesome dogs who I love like my own kids. All three of them would literally give their life for me in a heartbeat if required, same as I would do for them.

I have a mother who calls me like clockwork every week. I have a father who has shown up unannounced in Khon Kaen twice now, trying to bring me back to Canada due to the whole blind thing. The second time, everyone in my family staged an intervention call of sorts. Both of my brothers, one sister-in-law, my mom, and one nephew were all on that call. Don't worry, I have a very strong family.


You were saying?

[joe552]

I was saying Matt, that my posts about the washing up were pure fantasy, whereas you're posts were... well, you fill in the blanks.

Anyway the young man arrived on time, Polish, and was quick to remove his clothes (he brought his own apron). Had a quick sniff of his briefs and they were clean. After he'd finished, I gave him a quick bj, for which he received an extra gratuity (that's a tip for you working class types).

All in all, a great service. No complaints. Thanks bob for giving me their contact details.

[bobsaigon2]

Nothing like fulfilling one's fantasies. The porn websites have several offerings of this type - houseboy wearing only tiny apron - but I've never had the chance to arrange such service. Well done, Joe.

[joe552]

We can only dream, bob, only dream. Meanwhile the dishes are still there.