Finding love in Thailand

[phoenixabode]

I really don't know what to expect in Thailand in terms of romance. I guess I can fairly get a guy for fun for a day or more but what if I wanted something more stable or long term ? Am I searching for the impossible? At my age, I'm 46 now, I'd like to have a partner by my side..my fingers are crossed.

[Manforallseasons]

I really don't know what to expect in Thailand in terms of romance. I guess I can fairly get a guy for fun for a day or more but what if I wanted something more stable or long term ? Am I searching for the impossible? At my age, I'm 46 now, I'd like to have a partner by my side..my fingers are crossed.


No problem.

[phoenixabode]

Am I being naive? To be honest I really am taking it as innocently as possible:)

[francois]

Delete

[cdnmatt]

Well, of course you can find love. Thais are humans too, and they like having someone to love and be loved back by, same as everyone.

Wouldn't really recommend searching for love in a Pattaya go-go bar though, but hey, give it a spin if you want. Don't be too surprised if you get lied to, cheated, ripped off and stolen from though.

[phoenixabode]

I have no experience whatsoever with Thai men. I am a novice at this. There is so much to look forward to and I am both thrilled and nervous about my prospects. Deep down I think of myself as a nice guy who likes to treat others with love, kindness and affection. A part of me wants to find a boyfriend to be my mate and stick with him rather than have multiple casual encounters.

[cdnmatt]

Your life, so up to you, but I would strongly discourage you from showing up in Thailand for the first time, and immediately begin looking for love in the tourist areas. That's an excellent way to get hurt badly, and quickly.

Spend some time here, make some friends, get to know the culture, maybe learn a little of the Thai language, etc. Once you have your head wrapped around things, then start looking for a BF to share this journey called life with.

Also, and there will be no shortage of people to tell me I'm wrong, but I would be careful about looking for a BF in tourist areas as well. Simply because the majority of people who work in tourist areas didn't grow up there. They left their homes and families, and moved there with the sole intention of making money, not finding love. Not saying it doesn't happen, but be prepared for a high proportion of locals you meet in those areas to only care about your money, and nothing else.

Get out of the tourist areas where just normal, everyday people live, and you'll fine much better and more genuine people. Finding a long-term BF who treats you well is more likely to happen when choosing from a pool of people such as this.

Have fun.

[phoenixabode]

Thank you cdnmatt for the advice. I am well aware that finding love where people offer their bodies for sale isn't the best choice of action and for that matter anywhere near tourist areas. As you pointed out those employed in this business are there for the financial gain and nothing more, no matter how earnest their displays of love and affection seem. I would be well advised to heed your warning and just immerse myself in the local culture with no expectations beyond having a nice time and getting to know the country and the people. Though ofcourse the romantic notion of finding a life partner will be tempered by reality I will simply try to relax and have a nice time.

Since I am speaking about the gay scene here is there a place for meeting like minded gay men, local or foreign just for friendship and chatting?

I appreciate your help and wish you all the best :)

[FarangRuMak]

I'm having the same queasy feeling I got when I first saw the movie scene where Oliver was introduced to Fagin and the gang.

[cdnmatt]

Personally, I would just use the apps like Grindr, Hornet, etc. Takes a bit of time to wade through people, but there's lots of decent folk out there who have no desire or intention of taking advantage of you.

True love id definitely out there, but just be careful, that's all. I managed to meet the most amazing individual I've ever met in my life here, but it took a while. We chatted daily online for about 8 months before we even met for the first time. Now we've been living together for about 13 months, and we're stronger than ever. Considering all the bullshit we've been through in the past year, I can't possibly see how anything could ever tear us apart. If a lifelong relationship was ever going to happen in my life, then this one is it.

Again, just be careful, and it's probably best to spend a decent amount of time here first learning the culture, so if / when you do find a BF, you don't put each other through living hell due to cultural differences.

All the best.

[francois]

How long is this vacation in Thailand, phoenixabode? At 46 you can't expect to stay more than say six months or so.

[frequent]

I have no experience whatsoever with Thai men. I am a novice at this. There is so much to look forward to and I am both thrilled and nervous about my prospects. Deep down I think of myself as a nice guy who likes to treat others with love, kindness and affection. A part of me wants to find a boyfriend to be my mate and stick with him rather than have multiple casual encounters.So you're going to travel to a foreign country with whose culture you are entirely unfamiliar and whose language you do not speak to find "love" - whatever that is?

[cdnmatt]

So you're going to travel to a foreign country with whose culture you are entirely unfamiliar and whose language you do not speak to find "love" - whatever that is?


Well, what's wrong with that? Buddhists are awesome, and can make for excellent, loving, caring, compassionate, down to earth, empathetic partners. Not a chance I would ever even consider giving up my Buddhist husband for a Westerner.

[scottish-guy]

.... "love" - whatever that is?

Thank you Prince Charles

[frequent]

Well, what's wrong with that? Buddhists are awesome, and can make for excellent, loving, caring, compassionate, down to earth, empathetic partners. Not a chance I would ever even consider giving up my Buddhist husband for a Westerner.Having failed with one of each you'd be the expert

[TaoR]

Go to Thailand and feel free to fall in love! Love is a great feeling and I for one hope you fall in love over and over again! Everyone who has ever been to Thailand has fallen in love at least once. Oh, sure you might find out eventually that you were used; so just pick yourself up and fall in love again. Whether love is short term or long term its great anyway you can get it!

No matter what everyone else says remember that you will never know if you at least don't try!

[2lz2p]

Yes, you can find a life long partner - BUT, as mentioned, take your time. For myself, my first trip was about 30 years ago and I did enjoy the gay scene. After my first trip, I returned each year - usually finding one boy during the trip to stay with for most of my holiday. But, it was five years later when I met my partner - he was a waiter in the hotel coffee shop. This was back before email, websites, etc. We exchanged a couple of letters and I returned 6 months later to be with him. It was a long distance relationship with me visiting twice a year - in the interim, it was letters and the occasional telephone conversation. I moved here after I retired in 2002 and we have lived together ever since - so 10 years long distance and almost 15 years of living together.

I have a friend who had two bad experiences, then after the second one, my bf introduced him to a friend of his who had recently come to Pattaya from their home town. That was about 9 years ago and they are still together. I also have some other friends here who have been with their Thai partners for 10 to 15 years. So, yes, you can find someone - but as mentioned, be careful and get to know the person - but if you find him, a Thai partner can be a wonderful lifelong companion.

[paulo15]

Everyone who has ever been to Thailand has fallen in love at least once.

I can think of someone who probably hasn't... too busy buying pony food!

Anyway, just to add to most of the good and sensible advice, yes it's possible if you keep your wits about you and can be very rewarding. Good luck.

[christianpfc]

OP, how long do you plan to stay in Thailand, and why are you looking for love in Thailand (and not in your home country)?


Well, of course you can find love. Thais are humans too, and they like having someone to love and be loved back by, same as everyone.
Those I meet are not so much looking for love or sex, rather for ดูแล

ดูแล doo lae Verb [to] look after; take care; tend
https://www.thai2english.com/dictionary/1307989.html
meaning you look after him, i.e. support him, in short: MONEY!

95% of gay Thai I have had contact with are stupid, lazy, greedy creatures.
Read detailed stories on my blog.

[latintopxxx]

Pauli...why so bitter...kamagra no longer effective !?
FYI I have a partner, been together for over a decade. We are perfectly suited to one another in that we are both sex addicts. We are so much into one another that we often do 3somes...look on mb face is Visa card priceless when he realises he's gonna get used by 2 tops.
Christian me thinks u r far too harsh....surely matty boy has found love....his bf (roll my eyes) would still hang around even if the cash ran out. Right???

[BOY69]

In my recent trip to Thailand I met lovely 20 yo boy works in a coffee shop at Phuket we had realy great sex and chemistry between us and he wants more serious relationship with me I do really like him and we are in contact on daly basis via whatsapp but I am in a dilema how can I maintain this relationship if due my work obligations I can not come to Thailand more than once a year and bringing the boy to my country isn't really realistic option.I don't know what to do .Maybe move on and forget him ?
What do you think I should do ?

[latintopxxx]

I think u should sell everything u have at home, move to Thailand and get a job (English language teacher!?), buy a condo, put it in your bf name, and be happy.

[BOY69]

I think u should sell everything u have at home, move to Thailand and get a job (English language teacher!?), buy a condo, put it in your bf name, and be happy.

You are really bored aren't you ?
I don't think that a sex deviant like you that threat boys like a piece of meat at the market will ever understand this issue.

[latintopxxx]

....ask a stoopid question....get a stoopid reply.....troll

[Oliver]

If you are asking the question- "should I or shouldn't I?" perhaps the answer is no, you shouldn't. I can only refer to my own experience. After visiting Pattaya for ten years, declaring that I'd never enter into a LTR and succeeding, I fell for a guy in 2004. I didn't want to; I was aware of the emotional and financial cost and had been very happy as a butterfly. But I fell in love, for better or for worse and we are still together.
When you meet someone who really is to be life-partner, you will know it and won't ask questions.

[a447]

95% of gay Thai I have had contact with are stupid, lazy, greedy creatures

You need to get out more.

[BOY69]

If you are asking the question- "should I or shouldn't I?" perhaps the answer is no, you shouldn't. I can only refer to my own experience. After visiting Pattaya for ten years, declaring that I'd never enter into a LTR and succeeding, I fell for a guy in 2004. I didn't want to; I was aware of the emotional and financial cost and had been very happy as a butterfly. But I fell in love, for better or for worse and we are still together.
When you meet someone who really is to be life-partner, you will know it and won't ask questions.

Hi Oliver,

But I assume you are leaving together?

[paulo15]

Hi Oliver,

But I assume you are leaving together?

Well no one gets out alive so I guess yes, or some time later maybe 😉

[BOY69]

Well no one gets out alive so I guess yes, or some time later maybe 😉
It is not a money boy and he doesn't ask for money , my dilemma is if to maintain the relationship and to meet him again next year or just to forget him and move on because due my work I can't visit Thailand more than once a year for a max period of one month.The boy wants serious relationship with me .my heart says to be in touch with him but my brain says to forget him.

[cdnmatt]

Only you can make that decision. At the moment though, sounds like more of an infactuation than anything. You're not going to truly know until you've lived together for a decent while, and went through some rough times in life together.

Give it a try if you want, but statistics aren't exactly in your favor.

[phoenixabode]

I am planning to stay 2 weeks or so. Not more than 3 weeks for sure.

[phoenixabode]

I'm familiar with Thai Buddhist culture, have many Thai friends, granted I cant speak the language. I said I was interested in discovering the potential for love but then you implied you weren't familiar with the word.

[phoenixabode]

Thank you Matt for your good advice. I guess in regards to finding somebody who is decent and into meaningful relations based on love and affection, Thailand ain't that different from other parts of the world. There are folks who are just into sex and nothing more and some who want something more from their encounters.I don't presume to know all there is to know about the gay scene in Thailand but it wont be drastically different from other places. I suppose it all comes down to what one wants and I want something more substantial. I can adapt to different cultures, infact I love exploring the way other folks live and I try to get acquainted to the best of my abilities. That might sound dull and boring but its the way I like it.

Thank you and best wishes :)

[phoenixabode]

I am very happy for you Matt. It's awesome to be in love with a wonderful person who makes life that much more worth living. I wish you and your partner the very best.

[phoenixabode]

I am very heartened to hear such stories. It gives me cause for hope. Then again finding love, though tough, ain't impossible and with persistence and determination it can happen and it will work. You are a testimony to that. Thank you :)

[latintopxxx]

oh lord wheres the bucket...i need to throw up

[phoenixabode]

Things can get pretty brutal here don't they ?! Anyways, I enjoy a nice chat and to each his own I suppose. Thanks to everybody who gave me advice, that was mighty nice of you :)

[cdnmatt]

Wouldn't be so quick to say you'll have no problem with the cultural differences. The culture here is no better or worse than the West, has its pros and cons same as the West, but does have its differences and it simply takes time to adjust to them.

Again, spend some time milling around the country, making some freinds, and getting your head wrapped around things. Don't jump straight from the plane at BKK to marriage, because that tends to end in disaster for both people involved.

Nonetheless, all the best.

[cdnmatt]

For example, the only main reason Leo and myself were even capable of the relationship we currently enjoy is because I've spent over 7 years here, including a 3.5+ year relationship with a Thai who drove me bat-shit insane.

With Leo though, I was able to instantly understand where he's coming from, and the reality of his previous life. These small things made it much easier for us to connect in a meaningful well. I'll admit, upon first getting to know and live with each other, it took a few months to get it through his mind that's I'm not here to take care of him, as Christian alluded to.

That simply wasn't going to happen. The only way a proper relationship can work is if it's 50/50, and we take care of each other, and become stronger in this life for it. He quickly realized that though, and everything is great now.

[BOY69]

"it took a few months to get it through his mind that's I'm not here to take care of him"

Very good point of view, Thai boys tend to interpret love as taking care of their material needs ,solving their families problems act. from their side they except to fulfill our sex needs but normaly no more than that,good relationship can be fulfill only if both side can share common basis and mutual emotional needs .I do agree that cultural differences is not a big issue if there is a real love and affection between 2 sides they can overcome cultural differences
and establish long term relationship.

[francois]

Phoenixabode, if you are only staying for 2/3 weeks you can just buy all the love you want.
If you want a long distance relationship by visiting multiple times per year then you can find love also but more difficult, for sure.

[BOY69]

"If you want love in Thailand rent it"

[latintopxxx]

probably cheaper to rent as well...same can be said for straight marriage in the west

[frequent]

Things can get pretty brutal here don't they ?! No point in being sentimental

[frequent]

more of an infactuationFabulous, just fabulous

[frequent]

.....trollI decided that several posts ago, assuming you're talking about inexactitude

[DrewSpz]

Actually they've been pretty easy on you Phoenix... when I first joined I had to spend a month getting them to believe I wasn't another member pretending to be a new comer. Hahahahaha. I was actually wondering why they've been so nice to you.

Anyway, good luck friend. I've been to Thailand a few times (here in Pattaya now) and I'm hooked. Albeit I'm renting, as mentioned by others. Just for practical reasons. I'd love the real thing but not realistic at this point. I'm 31 and work on a ship so I never around.

Good luck and all the best!

[christianpfc]

Originally Posted by christianpfc https://sawatdeenetwork.com/v4/images/metro/blue/buttons/viewpost-right.png (https://sawatdeenetwork.com/v4/showthread.php?p=221432#post221432) 95% of gay Thai I have had contact with are stupid, lazy, greedy creatures


You need to get out more.
No, you need to get out more!

We talked about this before, as long as you stick to money boys and both sides know what to expect, everything is fine.

But as soon as I delve into online dating, all kind of problems arise: communication, place and time, and what material compensation/remuneration does the boy expect? I've had all kind of bullshit, games and drama, emotional immaturity, fishing for invitations, wasting my time, totally unrealistic money expectations (recently a boy I haven't met before asked for 5000 THB for books for university!).

[cdnmatt]

Come on Christian, don't be so pessimistic. Or maybe just quit looking in the slums for 18 year olds, or having unrealistic expectations.

I'll agree, there are people out there like you describe. I remember one time this young guy hit me up on Grindr, and within 15 minutes was asking me to buy him an iPhone. Another guy hit me up, and rather quickly asked me for 20,000 baht to cover his mom's mafia debt.

However, there's also lots of good people out there who don't want anything from you, and just want to hook up to eat some fruit, or go for a walk around the lake, or whatever. Obviously, I can't use the apps any longer, but considering what Leo says, the same still holds true. Can take him a while to wade through the idiots, but he doesn't seem to have any problem finding people who just want to hang out, maybe grab something to eat, go to the movies, or whatever, and they're totally fine and decent people.

[BOY69]

From my experience the young and attractive boys Don't just want to hang out with falangs without asking money or other benefits.

[sglad]

Sorry for butting in, but, IMHO, the hundreds of thousands of young, attractive, intelligent and career-oriented Thai guys are, similar to their counterparts in the rest of the world, looking for other young, attractive and professionally-driven guys. The twenty or thirtysomething gainfully-employed Thai professional is not going to settle for some farang bum in his thirties or forties who's still living in a shoe-box, eating street food and perpetually whining about public transport. They might fuck him if he's easy-going and exceptionally hot but that's about it and bear in mind that there is no shortage of attractive, chilled guys travelling to Thailand in addition to the millions of nice, gorgeous guys in their own population.

So the next time a farang says 90% of the Thai guys he meets are greedy, lazy, idiots then maybe he should take a good look at himself in the mirror because - surprise, surprise - he is the the common denominator to that 90%. He should ask himself why is it that he seems to be a magnet for "greedy, lazy, idiots". He should ask himself why, despite bitching, whining and whinging about the 'stupidity' and 'laziness' of the Thai people, that he is still in Thailand after years and years, living and socialising among its less privileged, instead of leading a comfortable life at home or some other developed country with his similarly enlightened partner. Plenty of skilled, professional and financially independent Asians in Singapore, Sydney, London, Melbourne and Taipei. And plenty more - surprise, surprise - in Jakarta, Kuala Lumpur and - shock, horror! - Bangkok. But you aren't likely going to meet these guys on bus 92 from Patpong to Nakhon Nowhere.

[arsenal]

Oh dear SGlad. A few home truths that won't make you too popular with a certain section of the board. Haha.

[kkjason]

This is very true. After living in Khon Kaen for 8 years, it amazes me how many Westerners are here and bitter about Thai culture. There are things wrong with every nation on earth - we just must choose our battles. I have learned to actually love the things about Thailand that drive other people nuts. As far as love goes, I agree with others that the bars are not the place to find it. I am married to a wonderful Thai guy - and we did not meet nor did we ever go on a date to a bar. It took a while to get the relationship started, within a year we were living together in Bangkok, and moved to Khon Kaen 8 years ago. We live in a neighborhood, have a mix or Thai and Western friends, and are active in the community. Sounds quite western to me! I am not being bled dry of money. The family never asks for money. The list can go on. For those that are miserable in their current situation with a Thai guy, you are likely the one to blame. Even the Western dating scene has its share of ups and downs. There are crooks, liars, and horrible bastards everywhere. Why do so many think that Thailand has a monopoly on this? Sometimes you just need to keep searching to find your 'soul mate'. He is out there - probably just not in the places you are looking.

Cheers -

[Smiles]

Yes, you can find a life long partner - BUT, as mentioned, take your time. For myself, my first trip was about 30 years ago and I did enjoy the gay scene. After my first trip, I returned each year - usually finding one boy during the trip to stay with for most of my holiday. But, it was five years later when I met my partner - he was a waiter in the hotel coffee shop. This was back before email, websites, etc. We exchanged a couple of letters and I returned 6 months later to be with him. It was a long distance relationship with me visiting twice a year - in the interim, it was letters and the occasional telephone conversation. I moved here after I retired in 2002 and we have lived together ever since - so 10 years long distance and almost 15 years of living together.

I have a friend who had two bad experiences, then after the second one, my bf introduced him to a friend of his who had recently come to Pattaya from their home town. That was about 9 years ago and they are still together. I also have some other friends here who have been with their Thai partners for 10 to 15 years. So, yes, you can find someone - but as mentioned, be careful and get to know the person - but if you find him, a Thai partner can be a wonderful lifelong companion.
If the original Topic-starter is still hanging around this thread he should read again this very concise couple of paragraphs from 2Iz2p. (Also, Cndmatt has offered some decent posts).
I say this because 2Iz2p's story is almost exactly the same as mine except for the dates and time line. Congratulations to him at 25 years now with his Thai partner.
My story is of 17 happy years, but there are lots of similarities in the pure serendipity of our initial meeting . . . and thereafter, the life-changing togetherness (ongoing).
I have no idea where you can 'find' who I 'found' ~~ my old man was cleaning and closing a hotel bar when I popped in to have a last-beer-in-Bangkok.
But let me tell you something about that . . . I wasn't looking for anyone at the time.
I wasn't on a hunt, I wasn't looking for love (in all the wrong or right places). I wasn't needy in terms of searching with gravitas the 'Right Guy'.
It might serve you good luck if you don't actually go desperately-fishing.


------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
And PS: never ever pay attention to someone on this Board (in this case 'Christian') who writes nonsense like this: "95% of gay Thai I have had contact with are stupid, lazy, greedy creatures". Pure bullshit.

[francois]

phoenixabode, like Smiles and others who have posted above, I did meet my Thai bf about 17 years ago but in a go-go bar. It was my first time in Thailand and I was NOT looking for a lover; it just happened. Mostly a long distance relationship for years until I finally retired to Thailand a couple of years ago. Just never know what can happen.

[BOY69]

phoenixabode, like Smiles and others who have posted above, I did meet my Thai bf about 17 years ago but in a go-go bar. It was my first time in Thailand and I was NOT looking for a lover; it just happened. Mostly a long distance relationship for years until I finally retired to Thailand a couple of years ago. Just never know what can happen.

What you are describing can happen and I am glad you could find the one you love, but it is very very rare situation in Thailand.
As sglad wisely said the intelligent and career-oriented Thai guys will go with falang for short fuck if he is attractive they may consider a serious relationship with older falang if he's really rich and can fulfill high standard of leaving for them. in all other cases it's all about money .

[sglad]

As sglad wisely said the intelligent and career-oriented Thai guys will go with falang for short fuck if he is attractive they may consider a serious relationship with older falang if he's really rich and can fulfill high standard of leaving for them. in all other cases it's all about money .

Hi. Just to clarify, what I said was, if a youngish farang (or any foreigner for that matter) has got nothing else going for him but is goodlooking and has an easygoing personality, he might get sex from young, affluent Thai professionals but would probably be seen as a poor prospect and too unstable for a long-term relationship. The Thais in this category have better pickings from among themselves without having to deal with the cultural differences, idiosyncrasies (of the farang) and the added stigma of having a farang boyfriend. And when they hit their wonder years professionally (ie have lots of money and status), they have the option of becoming patrons to younger Thais just starting out and this could include some kind of sexual relationship.

I have no idea what the situation is with older farangs and younger Thai professionals.

[frequent]

the added stigma of having a farang boyfriendYou mean the Thais will automatically assume he's a prostitute? Surely not?

[BOY69]

You mean the Thais will automatically assume he's a prostitute? Surely not?

They won't , But the Thai society is conservative, relationship with Falangs are usually not acceptable.

[cdnmatt]

They won't , But the Thai society is conservative, relationship with Falangs are usually not acceptable.

Where the hell did you get that idea? Ummm, no...

1.) Thai farang relationships are perfectly acceptable.

2.) A fat, greasy slob wandering around at 10am in a wife beater, one hand gripping a large bottle of Chang beer, and his other arm wrapped around a 19yo young lady, gripping her as if he's a teddy bear.... ok, that's viewed as unacceptable.

Granted, I guess there's a small stigma attached to Thai-farang relationships, but nothing that's a big deal, nor difficult to overcome. There's a lot of places in the world where inter-racial relationships are far more difficult than Thailand.

[cdnmatt]

Here, Thai people generally don't act like this. :)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xKAz0a77Fm0

[christianpfc]

but he doesn't seem to have any problem finding people who just want to hang out, maybe grab something to eat, go to the movies, or whatever, and they're totally fine and decent people.
I wouldn't have problems finding friends for that provided I pay for the activities, but finding someone for sex is where it gets difficult (unless I pay).

...the hundreds of thousands of young, attractive, intelligent and career-oriented Thai guys...
Thousands, not hundreds of thousands. (Else Thailand wouldn't be a third world country.)

He should ask himself why, despite bitching, whining and whinging about the 'stupidity' and 'laziness' of the Thai people, that he is still in Thailand after years and years...
(I take this as directed at me.) I specified "gay Thai I have had contact with", not the general population. Everything else is fine: interaction in restaurants, hotels, officers in national parks, tourist office, taxis, asking for bus lines, but when I get on the apps, the problems start.

And PS: never ever pay attention to someone on this Board (in this case 'Christian') who writes nonsense like this: "95% of gay Thai I have had contact with are stupid, lazy, greedy creatures". Pure bullshit.
95% was a high estimate. Careful counting will give a lower number.

[christianpfc]

Addendum after 30 minutes:

Apart from that, some valid points in your [sglad] analysis. However with most Thai boys I don't get to the point talking about my many years of unemployment and work or relationship prospects. My room is rather small, certainly not impressive for any Thai boy who has ever been with a Farang in hotel that costs 1000 or 2000 THB per night (and I have seen such pictures on facebook or in online dating profiles). But then most of the Thai I meet don't speak English, so I assume they have not been with Farang before me.

"young, attractive, intelligent and career-oriented Thai guys" I have met a few of them (two per year?), and stay in contact with several. One of them told me he would certainly have sex with a 20-something backpacker, but for a relationship he would look for a 30-something with a job who can provide stability.

But at the end, I have no idea where those I meet change their mind to "I'm not so much interested in sex with ChristianPFC, but let's see how much money I can drain off him".

[cdnmatt]

Christian, treat people how you want to be treated. This is basic stuff.

From your posts, I'm assuming you're quite up-front and forward about the fact that you're looking for sex when meeting others, and you put a high value of importance on sex. When you do this, the person is naturally going to think you don't give a shit about them as an individual, and only care about their body. In return, they don't give a shit about you, and only care about your wallet.

If all you're looking for is to get your rocks off, then no problem at all with that, and sure, grab a one-night stand, a prostitute, or whatever. Have a good time, but don't expect a meaningful relationship out of that.

If you're looking for a good relationship, then don't start with sex. Doing so basically just alienates the vast majority of people who are worthy of a proper relationship, because straight out of the gate you come off as a sex crazed creep.

Again, basic human nature stuff here.

[phoenixabode]

Thank you for this nice and inspiring post. I certainly will take cues and make mental notes. I really appreciate your input :)

[phoenixabode]

That is precisely the point. No one can predict where the odds of finding love are greater. One can expect with some degree of certainty that they will have a sexual encounter if they go "hunting" in go-go bars and bars however love is something else entirely. This is the case regardless of sexual orientation of geographical location. With regards to myself I am approaching this with an open mind, a clear goal, lots of patience and no expectations of miracles happening. I want a long term relationship based on love and companionship without ulterior motives and if this happens in Thailand or elsewhere that is not much important.

[phoenixabode]

I hope this stereotyping isn't the norm and I think it ain't because many members here seem to be living in happy relationships that dont revolve around financial gain.

[phoenixabode]

Having a foreign boyfriend is a stigma in Thailand ??

[phoenixabode]

Let's say I decide to marry a Thai lady? Will that be a stigma too? Thai ladies dont like to date farangs ?

[BOY69]

Christian, treat people how you want to be treated. This is basic stuff.

From your posts, I'm assuming you're quite up-front and forward about the fact that you're looking for sex when meeting others, and you put a high value of importance on sex. When you do this, the person is naturally going to think you don't give a shit about them as an individual, and only care about their body. In return, they don't give a shit about you, and only care about your wallet.

If all you're looking for is to get your rocks off, then no problem at all with that, and sure, grab a one-night stand, a prostitute, or whatever. Have a good time, but don't expect a meaningful relationship out of that.

If you're looking for a good relationship, then don't start with sex. Doing so basically just alienates the vast majority of people who are worthy of a proper relationship, because straight out of the gate you come off as a sex crazed creep.

Again, basic human nature stuff here.


I agree .I read ChristianaPFC blog and do enjoy it very much,his writing is profound, cynical and witty but the problem is that he tend to be alienated and sex obsessed with the local boys that's why in MHO he didn't find true love in the LOS so many years and I am not sure he ever find one if he won't change his attitude.

[latintopxxx]

in my not so humble opinion finding "love" in Thailand is fraught with challenges due to the obvious gap in earnings. Even an average european salary translates into a small fortune in BHT.
I know for a fact /personal experience that expats can live in USD 4000-8000/month apartments and command monthly salaries above this range....they become honey pots...flabby middle aged men with the sex appeal of a post box become sex gods...lowly office ladies practically throw their underwear at them...vast majority end up splitting from their oxen like wives.
Vast majority of the women these guys end up with are not high class or from solid middle/wealthy families...they are shit poor that somehow managed to get a basic education that got them a nice clean airconditoned office job...the farang/lawai is the penultimate step to financial nirvana...final step is having a child with him.

Occasionally an expat through work will meet a local of similar status...and a true equal relationship evolves from that..but again in my vast (15 years+) experience as an expat/dealing with expats/travelling to the developing world these relationships are the exception and not the norm. Most involve a much older westerner with someone young enough to be his grand daughter.
If you think differently u r totally deluded and clearly havent worked /dealt with the ruling/wealthy classes. I've been to homes in Thailand/China/Malaysia/Indonesia to name a few where their bathroom cost more than my home...guess scotty will say says a lot about my home..but I beg to differ.

[frequent]

... his writing is profound, cynical and witty ...LOL

[christianpfc]

Christian, treat people how you want to be treated. This is basic stuff.

From your posts, I'm assuming you're quite up-front and forward about the fact that you're looking for sex when meeting others, and you put a high value of importance on sex. When you do this, the person is naturally going to think you don't give a shit about them as an individual, and only care about their body. In return, they don't give a shit about you, and only care about your wallet.

If all you're looking for is to get your rocks off, then no problem at all with that, and sure, grab a one-night stand, a prostitute, or whatever. Have a good time, but don't expect a meaningful relationship out of that.

If you're looking for a good relationship, then don't start with sex. Doing so basically just alienates the vast majority of people who are worthy of a proper relationship, because straight out of the gate you come off as a sex crazed creep.

Again, basic human nature stuff here.
An interesting analysis, that deserved to be quoted in full.

I don't mention sex in conversation leading to meeting, and not even during meeting, unless the other brings it up, and hope we just end up in bed.

But I think there is one major difference between me and the Thai boys I meet: for me good sex is a prerequisite for everything else, whereas for Thai boys everything else (in particular me inviting them for eating and taking them shopping) comes first.

How long did it take you to jump into bed with your acquaintances in Thailand? For me preferable on first date, but I can wait for second, but after that move on because the boy obviously is not looking for sex with me.

[kkjason]

[QUOTE=christianpfc;221520]Thousands, not hundreds of thousands. (Else Thailand wouldn't be a third world country.).

Where did you ever get the idea that Thailand is a third world country? It is far from it. Just for reference sake, here is where you can find accurate definitions who you will be better informed of the country you have chosen to live in:

http://www.investopedia.com/terms/s/second-world.asp

[latintopxxx]

kkjason...then what would u classify thailand as??

[scottish-guy]

Can you not read?

"A country that is more stable and more developed than a third-world country but less-stable and less-developed than a first-world country. Examples of second-world countries by this definition include almost all of Latin and South America, Turkey, THAILAND, South Africa and many others."

[latintopxxx]

OK, gotta pay more attention..so many definitions..3rd world, developing world, now its 2nd world?!
All Im thankful for is that there are enough low wage countries supplying heap MB for our pleasure...though in saying this even in so called 1st world countriues cheap arse is available..trailer trash US is a prime example....

[frequent]

Can you not read?

"A country that is more stable and more developed than a third-world country but less-stable and less-developed than a first-world country. Examples of second-world countries by this definition include almost all of Latin and South America, Turkey, THAILAND, South Africa and many others."
Sheer revisionism. That's not the standard definition of a Second World country https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Second_World

[arsenal]

As the piece makes it absolutely clear. There is no such thing as a 'standard definition' of what constitutes a first, second or third world country. Opinion is divided.

[cdnmatt]

Regardless, Thailand is hardly a 3rd world country. You'd even be hard pressed to call some of the small, poverty stricken villages here 3rd world, let alone the cities.

I guess maybe if you looked hard enough, you could maybe find a village or two that's so rundown it would constitute 3rd world, but for all intents and purposes, Thailand is FAR from that.
n

[arsenal]

Yes. Matt is correct. Even the beggars are refusing to accept anything less that Bitcoin these days. Haha.

[beachruver]

95% of gay Thai I have had contact with are stupid, lazy, greedy creatures.

That is an awful thing to say.

Most Thais I meet are hard working, humble and not at all greedy.


Those I meet are not so much looking for love or sex, rather for ดูแล

Those are the guys you choose to attract.

[beachruver]

We talked about this before, as long as you stick to money boys and both sides know what to expect, everything is fine.

But as soon as I delve into online dating, all kind of problems arise: communication, place and time, and what material compensation/remuneration does the boy expect? I've had all kind of bullshit, games and drama, emotional immaturity, fishing for invitations, wasting my time, totally unrealistic money expectations (recently a boy I haven't met before asked for 5000 THB for books for university!).

That's more due to your personality.

[beachruver]

Sorry for butting in, but, IMHO, the hundreds of thousands of young, attractive, intelligent and career-oriented Thai guys are, similar to their counterparts in the rest of the world, looking for other young, attractive and professionally-driven guys. The twenty or thirtysomething gainfully-employed Thai professional is not going to settle for some farang bum in his thirties or forties who's still living in a shoe-box, eating street food and perpetually whining about public transport. They might fuck him if he's easy-going and exceptionally hot but that's about it and bear in mind that there is no shortage of attractive, chilled guys travelling to Thailand in addition to the millions of nice, gorgeous guys in their own population.

So the next time a farang says 90% of the Thai guys he meets are greedy, lazy, idiots then maybe he should take a good look at himself in the mirror because - surprise, surprise - he is the the common denominator to that 90%. He should ask himself why is it that he seems to be a magnet for "greedy, lazy, idiots". He should ask himself why, despite bitching, whining and whinging about the 'stupidity' and 'laziness' of the Thai people, that he is still in Thailand after years and years, living and socialising among its less privileged, instead of leading a comfortable life at home or some other developed country with his similarly enlightened partner. Plenty of skilled, professional and financially independent Asians in Singapore, Sydney, London, Melbourne and Taipei. And plenty more - surprise, surprise - in Jakarta, Kuala Lumpur and - shock, horror! - Bangkok. But you aren't likely going to meet these guys on bus 92 from Patpong to Nakhon Nowhere.

OMG... finally. 100% agree with this.

[beachruver]

But at the end, I have no idea where those I meet change their mind to "I'm not so much interested in sex with ChristianPFC, but let's see how much money I can drain off him".

It's because you have nothing else to offer.


My room is rather small, certainly not impressive for any Thai boy who has ever been with a Farang in hotel that costs 1000 or 2000 THB per night (and I have seen such pictures on facebook or in online dating profiles).

Exactly... not saying you need to be living in luxury but at least be presentable and look grown up. You know, dress well. Be sociable. Be generous. Have a decent bachelor pad. All these things add up.

[bobsaigon2]

"OMG... finally. 100% agree with this."

Of course you do. You wrote it. :)

[neddy3]

Yes,another troll rears its ugly head.

[joe552]

Smiles, I really liked your post. Gosh, has it been so long? I'm sure you've had a falling out over the years, but your's is the real "happy ending",