Everything happens for a reason, I guess?

[cdnmatt]

Think I got myself into a bit of a mess again. Been chatting with a guy basically daily for about 7 or 8 months now. He just finished his exams today, has his passport now, and is planning to come shortly. Cool deal, except... yeah, what a cock-up this is.

He's a great guy, and no problems with him, except he's looking for an actual relationship. That's fine, except a) he's only 21, so great age for a gik (fuck buddy), but too young for an actual relationship, and b) he's as poor as they come. Not that being poor is a bad thing, but they're generally more needy. That, and just too immature.

I can't say no to him though. Three times now I've politely told him to go away, but he's a persistent little bugger. He comes from a rough life -- you know, when he tells me he came home to find some food, he doesn't mean he's going through the fridge to see what there is. He means he's going out in the yard to catch frogs, or snails, or gather some bamboo, or whatever. He has an alcoholic father who on the rare occasion will slap him around, parents are seperated, etc.

So how do you say no to someone like that when they tell you they need you? I've backed off from the relationship angle now completely, although I know full well he's going to try and seduce the shit out of me. Nonetheless, I have an extra bedroom here and everything, so as long as I keep some ground rules in place, can't really see the harm. He's coming from a rough place any way, so having a nice comfortable home, with loads of good food always in the fridge is kinda the humane thing to do. A little extra food, and a few extra hundred baht for electric is hardly going to break the bank for me.

Let's just hope I can stay firm, and keep my guard up when needed. I tend to be too nice for my own good, and many people take kindness for weakness.

[Faranglaw]

He has a passport so that implies he's crossing a border, but your profile says you are in Khon Khaen? Where are you, actually, and where is he coming from?

You might want to stay open to a real relationship if he has some kind of education. I'm just writing from my own experience, so it may well have no connection whatever with your wants or needs. But... When I met my Thai partner, he was from a poorer background too, not as desperate as your guy, but very modest. He was in a Bachelor's program in business. He was also 21.

Now we are married and living happily in Canada. He is 44 and I am 66. It was full of extreme difficulty for us to even be together, and the first couple of years here in Canada were tough and I almost lost him to the temptations of all these farang here. But here's the thing... 21 year olds become 27, then 33, then 40. They often mature beautifully into fine men, especially with the help of someone experienced in life.

So now my formerly young and immature husband has his own business, his English has vastly improved, and our cross-cultural understanding remains challenging at times, but we are together for life. I'm not even sure how this happened to me, but I'm glad I was open to it happening.

I'm just saying... if you think you might be able to fall in love with each other honestly and tenderly, maybe, just maybe it's worth softening up a bit and being open to something more.

[goji]

He comes from a rough life -- you know, when he tells me he came home to find some food, he doesn't mean he's going through the fridge to see what there is. He means he's going out in the yard to catch frogs, or snails, or gather some bamboo, or whatever. He has an alcoholic father who on the rare occasion will slap him around, parents are separated, etc.

There I am thinking the first part of this sounds like he is exaggerating, but if I was French, those delicacies would be passed off as real food in restaurants.

Have you actually met in person yet ?

[Nirish guy]

Sounds like another one of your drama's about to unfold, I just wouldn't bother if I were you and thus just save us all having to type the "we told you so" posts, but I'm guessing you know all of this already hence your own post in the first place.

[christianpfc]

My troll-meter is at full reading.

"Been chatting with a guy basically daily for about 7 or 8 months now"
Let's take this literally: 8 months x 30 days that's 240 separate conversations and you haven't met the boy! In my experience, I have at maximum 20 separate conversations with a boy, then either I or the boys gives up and we never meet.

"has his passport now, and is planning to come shortly."
Passport from which country? Given that passport and traveling costs money, inconsistent with poverty. Coming for what? Funding for the trip?

"He comes from a rough life -- you know, when he tells me he came home to find some food, he doesn't mean he's going through the fridge to see what there is. He means he's going out in the yard to catch frogs, or snails, or gather some bamboo, or whatever"
How can he afford mobile phone or computer or internet cafe to chat with you daily? I know a few poor boys, they have a dumbphone (no Line or other chat program), and a few have no phone at all because they can't afford phone and fees for calling or data.

"Nonetheless, I have an extra bedroom here and everything..."
Elsewhere you wrote (correct me if I got that wrong) you take your local boys to short time hotels and boys don't even know where you live. Inconsistent?

[cdnmatt]

My troll-meter is at full reading.

Hi Sweetie. Doesn't surprise me you showed up. :)



Let's take this literally: 8 months x 30 days that's 240 separate conversations and you haven't met the boy!

Nope, not yet. He's been in Laos, going to school, and tending to his farm.


Passport from which country? Given that passport and traveling costs money, inconsistent with poverty. Coming for what? Funding for the trip?

I sent him $200 via Western Union a while back to get a passport, and to help.



How can he afford mobile phone or computer or internet cafe to chat with you daily? I know a few poor boys, they have a dumbphone (no Line or other chat program), and a few have no phone at all because they can't afford phone and fees for calling or data.

One of the many questions I still have myself. I don't know, but he's definitely poor. During video chats I can see the tin scaffolding for his roof, and things like that. Plus he's sent me more than enough photographs to prove himself. On the flip side, I do know he does have a laptop with a 1 TB hard drive (he sent photos when re-installing Windows), he sent a photo of himself once wearing the same shirt I have, which I know full well is a 1800 baht shirt, etc. So I have no idea right now.



Elsewhere you wrote (correct me if I got that wrong) you take your local boys to short time hotels and boys don't even know where you live. Inconsistent?

For giks, yes, we go to a curtain motel. Hence the post. He's not a gik, and allowing someone into my home is a big thing for me.

[Faranglaw]

Sounds like another one of your drama's about to unfold, I just wouldn't bother if I were you and thus just save us all having to type the "we told you so" posts, but I'm guessing you know all of this already hence your own post in the first place.
Meoww... Or as Dorothy Parker said, "If you can't say something nice, come sit next to me."

[cdnmatt]

Sounds like another one of your drama's about to unfold, I just wouldn't bother if I were you and thus just save us all having to type the "we told you so" posts, but I'm guessing you know all of this already hence your own post in the first place.

Yep. Who would have thought simply finding someone to love and be loved back by would be this difficult, eh? Hell, making money is far easier than making love work.

Fuck it, he's coming now though. Told him politely to go away three times now, the most recent being about 72 hours ago, but he simply won't take no. And I fully believe everything he tells me, and have no reason to believe he's lieing to me.

I could be a dick and tell him straight up, "NO, DO NOT COME", but I don't have the heart for it. I have every reason to trust what he's saying is the truth, and in that case, if he just needs a comfortable home with lots of food to hang out at for 6 months while he finds himself, then I'm happy to provide it. I know he's hoping for some "Romeo & Juliet" type romance, but that's just not going to happen.

Best I can figure is he can hang out here, be comfortable, no worries of being slapped around, all the food he wants, maybe we become "room mates with benefits" type of thing for a while, and in 6 months or so he'll head off and find his own way in life. *shrug*

Fucked if I know...

[fountainhall]

He's a great guy, and no problems with him, except he's looking for an actual relationship. That's fine, except a) he's only 21, so great age for a gik (fuck buddy), but too young for an actual relationship, and b) he's as poor as they come. Not that being poor is a bad thing, but they're generally more needy. That, and just too immature.

I thought you were already in a relationship - but clearly I got that wrong. As for this guy, it seems clear from your first statements that a relationship with this guy is the last thing you want. What you don't say is if you have actually met him. Chatting daily is no substitute for making sure the chemistry between two guys actually works. What if you just don't click? You're in a real jam.


I can't say no to him though. Three times now I've politely told him to go away, but he's a persistent little bugger . . So how do you say no to someone like that when they tell you they need you?
Sorry, but saying 'NO' is really not that difficult! It's easy, in fact, if you do it early enough. Let things go on as they have and you may be trying to get rid of a screaming, howling, mini-monster who is already living with you.


as long as I keep some ground rules in place, can't really see the harm
Sorry, again - WRONG! When a guy is this persistent, there is something out of place. You don't yet know what it is and I suggest you don't want to find out.

OK, story time. Years ago I chatted on camfrog with a really nice student in your neck of the woods, Khon Kaen. He looked great, was fun to chat to and really keen to chat every evening. And yes, I enjoyed it, too. A few months later, a friend was going to visit Khon Kaen and asked if I'd like to join him. So I arranged to meet this guy in the lobby of my hotel for drinks. If we liked each other, maybe more would happen. If not, we'd say goodbye after the drinks.

Well, blow me, he comes with his aunt! So I get drinks for three, we have a little chat, then the aunt says she has to go shopping and suggests her nephew and I go to my room! End result, it is clear this cute guy is pretty much of a novice in the sex department. Just wanted to try it out with a farang I guess. But he then said he loved me! And until I could finally get him out of the hotel, he insisted we meet up again. Let me stress that apart from the drinks, there was no money involved and certainly none requested.

From then on I was bombarded with messages daily. I started with nice excuses - we live too far apart, I travel too much, I want a bf in Bangkok not long distance etc. None of it worked. This nice, sweet guy was just not going to give up. Then he discovered me on gay romeo. After a few months of all this pestering, most of time time with me not responding, he went to Pattaya for a family holiday. Again message after message. By now, I was being very blunt and had told him endlessly I was 100% not interested. Then I was surprised to get a message from French guy. He referred to the boy from Khon Kaen whom he had obviously been meeting, called me every f--ing, c--t name under the sun for the appalling way "you have treated your boyfriend" and I deserved to die! Huh? "Boyfriend?" He then put me on his banned list.

At first that really pissed me off. But then I realised this guy was finally off my back. Glory! Hallelujah! Peace for the first time in months.


I tend to be too nice for my own good, and many people take kindness for weakness.
Precisely. In the light of my experiences, I would never - repeat never - let anyone near my home unless I had met him first and had time to assess him and his personality on a one-to-one basis. It's far from foolproof - but it's at least a step in ensuring you will not end up with a leech of a personality and you'll go through hell getting rid of him!

On the other hand, though, he might become the love of your life. We await the next instalments.

[catawampuscat]

Obviously, you're lonely and miserable. Reality check, We are not your friends.
You need friends to talk to

[scottish-guy]

Fucking hell - the sharp-tongued reaction to Matt's story has made me imagine ending up on trial with SGT members as the jury - the electric chair probably wouldn't be sufficient for some of you guys!

And people like Mini Mee wonder why I don't tell anybody anything on here??

Good luck to you Matt - you're doing a good thing and if you get stung one way or another well, that's just life and you can mark it down to experience

:drink:

[Tobi]

Meoww... Or as Dorothy Parker said, "If you can't say something nice, come sit next to me."

Um, that was Alice Roosevelt Longworth.

[latintopxxx]

wouldnt last a month with me, moment he walked into my place I would climb on and ride him non-stop...he'd leave within 2 weeks. BTW, I do this on a regular basis. They think they can outwit or/and outlast me; but I see it as a challenge, nothing in life is free and I wanna get paid if they r gonna avail themselves of my hospitality.

[Marsilius]

As to whether that quotation comes from DP or ARL, it seems that credit for inadvertently popularising it - though not necessarily saying it - should go to the latter, after she was photographed sitting alongside a cushion embroidered with the words. When the photograph was published the supposed quotation became well known:

http://quoteinvestigator.com/2014/08/09/sit-by-me/

I guess that rightful credit therefore goes to some anonymous soft furnishings designer. Tongue in cheek and at risk of stereotyping, the bitchiness of the sentiment and the occupation of its originator might suggest a gay origin...

[pennyboy]

To quote the Scottish comedienne Karen Dunbar

"I smell shite"

[latintopxxx]

one of the pleasures I have when reading comments here is all the witty comments...reminds me of what someone said about one of the disasters of the aids crisis in its early decades was how many hundreds of witty, erudite gay men which enlivened society in the US especially in places like LA and San Fran just disappeared overnight.

[christianpfc]

For giks, yes, we go to a curtain motel. Hence the post. He's not a gik, and allowing someone into my home is a big thing for me.
In other words, you take your giks to a short time hotel, but you invite a total stranger (for me, even daily video chat over 8 months can't replace 5 minutes of meeting in real life) to stay with you 6 months full board? I don't get it.

[cdnmatt]

In other words, you take your giks to a short time hotel, but you invite a total stranger (for me, even daily video chat over 8 months can't replace 5 minutes of meeting in real life) to stay with you 6 months full board? I don't get it.

Because I'm a fucken idiot, ok? Problem solved.

I have no idea how long he's staying. As far as I know, he'll only be allowed in the country 30 days though. The border is only 250km away though, so he can easily flip it. If he ends up here long-term, there's other solutions available as well.

But yes, you're right, I'm very careful about who I let know where I live. Obviously everyone in the area knows, because I'm the only white guy around, but that's it. I've been in this house about 18 months now, and not once have I let a Thai guy come here. He gets to be Mr. Lucky I guess, and can hang out here, have a key to the gate, raid the fridge, make my house a mess, and all that good stuff.

[bobsaigon2]

Well, he must have been in Laos to pick up the Western Union money that you sent there, and I suppose he's already shown you the bio page of his new passport, and there might be plausible explanations for his laptop, mobile phone, expensive shirt, etc., but though it is hoped that this will work out better than your past relationships, it just appears to be something else headed for disaster. I do hope we naysayers will be proven wrong. Good luck.

[goji]

He's poor, but with a 1800 baht shirt ?

Fountainhall outlined some of the risks, although it could go a lot worse than that.

[MiniMee]

And people like Mini Mee wonder why I don't tell anybody anything on here?? Quite the opposite, actually. I wonder why you do

[cdnmatt]

He's poor, but with a 1800 baht shirt ?

Well, I don't know. It could be a cheap knock-off for all I know, but I know I have one of the same design, and it cost me 1800 due to the material. Nonetheless, doesn't matter. They're farmers, own good sized farms (rice & vegetable), so I'm assuming when they sell a harvest they're flush with money, then in typical Thai / Laos fashion piss it away within a week, and are back to fishing in the river for dinner.

My only real concern is I've been in two long-term relationships in my life now, and they've both happened the same. First 6 - 12 months are awesome, because we're in love, everything is new to both of us, I happen to be the most amazing person they've ever met, etc. After that, I become the boring guy. My apologies, but someone has to work, because money doesn't just magically appear in the bank account. So they get bored of me, and things begin to fall apart. That's fine, except when this happens they're completely dependent on me for life necessities, so breaking the relationship off is a whole lot easier said than done.

I've done my best just recently to make it clear to him multiple times I'm not open to a relationship, although I already full well he'll pursue one. That's my fault too, as I did pursue him as well. I think he just comes from a rough place in life, so if he needs a comfortable home to hang out at, and a fridge full of food, no problem. I can't deny him that. He's not just a nobody -- we've known each other for 8 months now. Granted, only online, but nonetheless...

Besides, as long as he adheres a couple simple ground rules, all will be well. I'm tired of living alone anyway. And I don't really like doing the gik thing. I do it, but it's shitty. You know, "ok, let's meet at the curtain motel at 10pm? ok, sounds good". You know, that sucks.

I don't know anymore...

[Faranglaw]

Um, that was Alice Roosevelt Longworth.

Thank you! I Think you are right.

[francois]

[QUOTE=cdnmatt;207328 You know, "ok, let's meet at the curtain motel at 10pm? ok, sounds good". You know, that sucks.
[/QUOTE]

What's wrong with sucking? You said you don't like anal intercourse so that leaves sucking and chuck-wowing.

[cdnmatt]

What's wrong with sucking? You said you don't like anal intercourse so that leaves sucking and chuck-wowing.

Having sex and making love are two totally different things, hence why I don't really care about having giks. I do it and everything, but that's more a, "fuck it, nothing else to do" type of activity. In all honesty, most times I'd prefer just to jerk off in the shower. Besides, that's free instead of 3000 baht, and I only have to walk about 8 feet across the hallway instead of 1km to the motel.

[latintopxxx]

matty, I really think u should give love a chance. Invite him to move in, write him into your will and give him full access to your bank account. After all you only live once.

[cdnmatt]

matty, I really think u should give love a chance. Invite him to move in, write him into your will and give him full access to your bank account. After all you only live once.

BBB, go fuck youself.

[latintopxxx]

Bbb??

[latintopxxx]

...and if I could fuck myself I would...but only Im not a bottom...damn!!

[cdnmatt]

And denied from entering Thailand. How nice.

[fountainhall]

And denied from entering Thailand. How nice.
Do you mean your Lao boy?

[cdnmatt]

Do you mean your Lao boy?

Yep. Christian would love this guy, because he provides photographic evidence of everything. I even have a copy of the deportation notice sitting on my phone.

Well, he's depressed. I'll be ok, but can't say the same about him. We've both been looking forward to this day for months.

Obviously I screwed up, and didn't look at immigration law closely enough, but don't Thailand and Laos have bi-lateral agreements in place, and he should be been permitted entry? No criminal record, new passport, no previous entries to Thailand, etc. They were supposed to let him in, no?

The best I can gather is he got scared at the border, acted like a nervous idiot, so the border guard thought he was up to no good, and sent him back to Laos. I'll see what I can do to get this figured...

[dinagam]

It seems that your boy is a total newbie.
I've met numerous Lao boys in Pattaya as well as Bangkok who go back and forth for reentry stamps at Thai immigration without much difficulties. Monetary contributions can make it smoother.

[cdnmatt]

It seems that your boy is a total newbie.

Yep, most definitely. He's definitely not a well experienced world traveller, that's for sure. But that's why I like him. I don't want some corrupt bar boy, or someone constantly complaing about how hard is life is, etc.

Now he's too scared to even go to the Thai embassy in Savvenhket, and try for a tourist VISA.

[dinagam]

Hundreds of Laotian cross over to Mukdahan, Thailand every day.
Your boy should be able to so using the friendship bridge.

[cdnmatt]

Hundreds of Laotian cross over to Mukdahan, Thailand every day.
Your boy should be able to so using the friendship bridge.

Yeah, I managed to figure it out. He just didn't know how to answer the, "where will you be staying?" question. He knows my address, but knows not to use it, so wasn't able to answer. So back to Laos he went. Plus I think he just acted like a nervous wreck. Heck, just say "Pullman Hotel" or something, and off you go, but maybe that's just me and my "white privilege" talking.

It'll be fine. I convinced him to go to the Thai embassy, and apply for a proper tourist VISA, so will fire him off some more money via Western Union for that. We've already waited for months, so another week can't hurt.

This is better anyway. The embassy is far less intimidating than the border, and once he gets a VISA, it will boost his confidence for the border. Plus if he gets a double entry, that will basically give him 180 days in Thailand (with a quick border run in the middle), instead of the 30 days he would have gotten today.

[francois]

No more double entries in my knowledge.Besides you will be tired of him after 30 days.

[Khor tose]

Think I got myself into a bit of a mess again. Been chatting with a guy basically daily for about 7 or 8 months now. He just finished his exams today, has his passport now, and is planning to come shortly. Cool deal, except... yeah, what a cock-up this is.

He's a great guy, and no problems with him, except he's looking for an actual relationship. That's fine, except a) he's only 21, so great age for a gik (fuck buddy), but too young for an actual relationship, and b) he's as poor as they come. Not that being poor is a bad thing, but they're generally more needy. That, and just too immature.

I can't say no to him though. Three times now I've politely told him to go away, but he's a persistent little bugger. He comes from a rough life -- you know, when he tells me he came home to find some food, he doesn't mean he's going through the fridge to see what there is. He means he's going out in the yard to catch frogs, or snails, or gather some bamboo, or whatever. He has an alcoholic father who on the rare occasion will slap him around, parents are seperated, etc.

So how do you say no to someone like that when they tell you they need you? I've backed off from the relationship angle now completely, although I know full well he's going to try and seduce the shit out of me. Nonetheless, I have an extra bedroom here and everything, so as long as I keep some ground rules in place, can't really see the harm. He's coming from a rough place any way, so having a nice comfortable home, with loads of good food always in the fridge is kinda the humane thing to do. A little extra food, and a few extra hundred baht for electric is hardly going to break the bank for me.

Let's just hope I can stay firm, and keep my guard up when needed. I tend to be too nice for my own good, and many people take kindness for weakness.

No problem just tell him in a poetic way about the real you. Okay try this:

“I woke up as the sun was reddening; and that was the one distinct time in my life, the strangest moment of all, when I didn't know who I was - I was far away from home, haunted and tired with travel, in a cheap hotel room I'd never seen, hearing the hiss of steam outside, and the creak of the old wood of the hotel, and footsteps upstairs, and all the sad sounds, and I looked at the cracked high ceiling and really didn't know who I was for about fifteen strange seconds. I wasn't scared; I was just somebody else, some stranger, and my whole life was a haunted life, the life of a ghost.”
― Jack Kerouac (http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/1742.Jack_Kerouac), On the Road (http://www.goodreads.com/work/quotes/1701188)

[francois]

Matt,when and if the Lao boy does show up don't forget to get him a flea collar and some deworming meds in order to protect your household.

[a447]

Matt, seeing the boy was having so much trouble getting to Thailand by himself, why didn't you just go get him??

[francois]

Maybe matt would have some issues at the border of his own?

[fountainhall]

why didn't you just go get him??
Two things I don't understand. One is the very valid point made by a447. The other is why on earth would you not want him to put down your address?

Two years ago I took my Thai bf to Hong Kong for a long week-end. Like your friend he's a graduate and had never travelled. So I purchased two air tickets, made a hotel booking in my name, we got him a brand new passport and I gave him some cash in case Immigration wanted proof that he could cover costs. Since I am a Permanent Resident of Hong Kong, I go through a different Immigration line. I made sure he had not only the hotel name and address, but also a copy of the reservation slip (a double room but only in my name), a copy of my Hong Kong ID card and a letter from me to the Immigration officer confirming that I was travelling with him and I'd be paying for everything. As it turned out, none were needed, The officer looked at him, his passport and the Immigration card, quickly stamped it and through he went in about 10 seconds.

As for address, surely he has to fill in a TM form for entry into Thailand - or something similar from Laos - and that surely requires an address. For what possible reason would you not want him to put yours? He wouldn't have to put down your name; just an address. Just putting down the Pullman or another hotel could lead to further trouble if he did not have a copy of a reservation slip with him.

From what you say, telling him not to use your address probably scared him shitless when asked for an address. Sorry but that's really bad planning - as you know. But he may now be in even deeper shit because his name is on a deportation order. That presumably goes into the Immigration computers and pops up the next time he tries to enter. So it could lead to a whole lot of additional difficulties.

If I were you in this situation, I'd try once more. But this time I would leave absolutely nothing to chance. I'd pop over to Laos myself to spend a few days with him there and start to get to know him. If you still want him to come to Thailand, then you go through the border crossings with him so that you will be the one answering the questions. Just use your address - and pray that he doesn't have a stamp on his new passport with the words DENIED ENTRY!

[scottish-guy]

Matt,when and if the Lao boy does show up don't forget to get him a flea collar and some deworming meds in order to protect your household.

Francois that's an awful thing to say and you ought to retact it immediately.

How would you like it if somebody made a comment to you about the true fact that the French stink because they only change their socks once a year?

Not that anybody here would be so gauche as to post such a thing.

:mocking_mini:

[cdnmatt]

Francois can make whatever snide remarks he wants. If everyone viewed life the same way this Laos guy does, we'd live in a much more peaceful world. He's got it right.

Now I just hope I don't fuck him up too much.

[latintopxxx]

Geez, this whole convoluted exercise, if u want some arse just hop onto grindr, if u want company pop into a host bar. But please...not this...

[cdnmatt]

Geez, this whole convoluted exercise, if u want some arse just hop onto grindr, if u want company pop into a host bar. But please...not this...

Just so happens, there's more to life than an orgasm. If I just wanted sex, it's a couple Line messages away, and within 60 minutes probably I could be in a motel taking someone's pants off.

As for conversation at a bar? Yeah... "Hi, how are you? What your name? Where you from? Wow, you are so handsome"... yeah, I think I'd prefer just to talk to my dogs.

[dinagam]

Matt, don't be discouraged by the preceding comments.
If your Lao boys passport does not have the 'denied entry' stamp on it, he could try another common trick.
Laotian residents along the Mekong river are allowed to make short trips across the river by boat to the Thai side for social visits or trade. Those without passports will have to fill up a form, photographed, and pay a token fee, and are entitled for at least an overnight stay. This privilege is reciprocal for residents in provinces along the Mekong river for both countries.
Your Lao boy should be able to do this if he's a resident of Savannakhet, to take the boat to Mukdahan. If he's residing in Thakhek, you could meet him in Nakhon Phanom. Foreigners are no longer allowed to cross the river by boat to get to the immigration office.
Sunset is stunning along the Mekong, especially the views from the Lao side.
By the way, don't forget to bring along your dogs. Everyone will be having a good time there.

[scottish-guy]

...As for conversation at a bar? Yeah... "Hi, how are you? What your name? Where you from? Wow, you are so handsome..."

Yeah - I used to get that Matt, but I'd caution you that (not so) subtle changes creep into that "conversation" the older you get.

Now it's more like "Hi, how are you? What your name? Where you from? I don't care about how you look, I look for good heart.."

:lol:

[francois]

Francois that's an awful thing to say and you ought to retact it immediately.

How would you like it if somebody made a comment to you about the true fact that the French stink because they only change their socks once a year?

Not that anybody here would be so gauche as to post such a thing.

:mocking_mini:

I was only thinking about Matt's family of dogs and his recent infestation of body lice. Flea collars and deworming are just preventative measures. French feet don't stink, they smell like Brie de Meaux or Camembert.:bo:

[MiniMee]

Yeah - I used to get that Matt, but......Now it's more like "Hi, how are you? .." Now?

[scottish-guy]

Dear Mini Mee

I made it up - it never happened - I've never been in Thailand.

Happy now?

Yours truly

Walter Mitty

[cdnmatt]

lol

He sure has a hard-on for you, doesn't he scottish-guy?

I'm not even sure if it's humorful or pitiful. :)

[Mancs]

He knows my address, but knows not to use it, so wasn't able to answer. So back to Laos he went.
You told him not to use your address but didn't give him an address to use on the immigration card? If that is what happened I think you owe it to him to go to Laos and bring him in.

[cdnmatt]

You told him not to use your address but didn't give him an address to use on the immigration card?

I gave him my address in case we couldn't find each other at the bus station, or whatever. If you've followed my posts, you'll know how difficult it is for me to trust anyone, but I do trust him. You're right, I did screw up though. I just assumed since he's a Laos citizen, and there's agreements in place with Thailand, he'd just sail through the border without issue.

That, and I didn't realize how new he was to this, and how scared he would be. You know, for us, going though a border is more of a roll-our-eyes experience while we think, "oh, fuck sakes, look at how long the line is", right? For him, it was quite nerve wracking.



If that is what happened I think you owe it to him to go to Laos and bring him in.

Yeah... that's not going to happen. Put 2 and 2 together, and you'll know why. It's fine though. He's a big boy -- he can make it to the embassy, and get through the border by himself. What the hell, he's gotta learn sometime.

However, if we get on like I think we will, then yeah, I guess I'll be making the necessary arrangements to move myself and the dogs to Laos. Savannahket is 120,000 people, so little small, but I can handle that. There's no way I'm taking him away from his family, and I'm not giving up the chance of having someone to love and be loved back by just due to pesky geographical location, so yeah... if it works out, I'm sure I'm off to Laos. He can come hang out here for a couple months first though.

[latintopxxx]

......enough.....please I'm begging you....enough...I would rather set my hair on fire and put it out with a sledge hammer ten have to endure more of THIS.....

[arsenal]

I think most of us would rather you did that too Latin. In fact, if you're serious I could probably organise a whip round to pay for the kerosene and hammer.

[fountainhall]

I gave him my address in case we couldn't find each other at the bus station, or whatever. If you've followed my posts, you'll know how difficult it is for me to trust anyone, but I do trust him.
Excuse me! You give him your address, you don't allow him to use your address, you don't give him an alternative address, you know procedures for going through borders, you assume this, you assume that . . . There's something missing here which you are not telling us Matt. You are not THAT naive!


if we get on like I think we will, then yeah, I guess I'll be making the necessary arrangements to move myself and the dogs to Laos . . . I'm not giving up the chance of having someone to love and be loved back by just due to pesky geographical location, so yeah... if it works out, I'm sure I'm off to Laos.
So you are all set to relocate for love. Normally I'd say fair enough and good luck to you! But how come none of this ties in with the posts you were making only a few days ago. Let's recall how this started -


Think I got myself into a bit of a mess again . . . yeah, what a cock-up this is.

He's a great guy, and no problems with him, except he's looking for an actual relationship. That's fine, except a) he's only 21, so great age for a gik (fuck buddy), but too young for an actual relationship . . . and just too immature.

I can't say no to him though. Three times now I've politely told him to go away, but he's a persistent little bugger.

So how do you say no to someone like that when they tell you they need you? I've backed off from the relationship angle now completely
He's too pushy. He's only 21. He's far too young for a relationship. Too immature. You've backed off. You keep telling him "don't come!" BUT -


Fuck it, he's coming now though.

I could be a dick and tell him straight up, "NO, DO NOT COME", but I don't have the heart for it. I have every reason to trust what he's saying is the truth, and in that case, if he just needs a comfortable home with lots of food to hang out at for 6 months while he finds himself, then I'm happy to provide it. I know he's hoping for some "Romeo & Juliet" type romance, but that's just not going to happen.
The love angle which he is after is "just not going to happen"? Well, that is not what you say today. In fact it seems you have turned a complete 180 degrees in less than 2 weeks - to the point where you are all but already living in Laos. BUT then you also told us this -


I've done my best just recently to make it clear to him multiple times I'm not open to a relationship.
Sorry Matt, but not much rings true in all this saga. And there's one other issue that just got even more muddy. He's a 21 year old graduate desperate to come to Thailand. Have you ever thought that one if his prime motives might just be that he is desperate to get away from his family and away from Laos so he can earn his living somewhere he can make a great deal more money? Oh, and while we're at it, you've not even met the guy yet!

[Nirish guy]

So, only me then having visions of CDNMATT sitting at home ( somewhere) doing this right now, laughing his leg off at the replies to his posts...........

3881


Matt, generally your stories are usually at least half believable and that's what gives you the slightest of edges of credibility ( to some but not all here), but this particular one, na, not so much I'm afraid....... if your post was subject to a school report I think the teacher would be writing "must do better".

[a447]

Maybe things are a bit quiet up there in KK.

[cdnmatt]

Maybe things are a bit quiet up there in KK.

heh, I have one farang friend here. An older, retired gay guy -- same BF for I think about 7 years now. I hit him up a few days ago, asking for suggestions on what to do with Leo once he gets here. His response? "I don't know, I got the kick ass TV package, and it's great. I can just sit here and watch documentary after documentary until it's 5pm and I can start drinking beer".

That pretty much sums up Khon Kaen for you.

[fountainhall]

"Must do better"! (thank you Nirish!) And I really believe you can do better Matt. So we await the next novel. Try the Snowflake Method (I'm serious)!

http://www.advancedfictionwriting.com/articles/snowflake-method/

[cdnmatt]

"Must do better"! (thank you Nirish!) And I really believe you can do better Matt. So we await the next novel. Try the Snowflake Method (I'm serious)!

http://www.advancedfictionwriting.com/articles/snowflake-method/

Think whatever you want. I'm not lieing. However, due to your requests, I will stop posting.

Aside from that, all I can think of is this:


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ErvgV4P6Fzc

[fountainhall]

Think whatever you want. I'm not lieing. However, due to your requests, I will stop posting.
The classic cop out! Whose requests? Only latin has mopped his brow hoping the end had come. The rest of us are looking for a few answers After all, who started this thread with a series of questions of his own? Eh?

Now no response at all to the questions about all the dodgy statements made. Merely - "I am not lying" (sic). You can surely do better that that!

[cdnmatt]

You can surely do better that that!

What the fuck do you want me to say? No matter what I say, you're not going to believe me, so why would I spend 20 mins typing out explanations for you? Not to mention, it's not like we'll ever meet in life, so why would I give a shit any way?

My apologies about the last couple days. What can I say? Loneliness got the better of me. Generally, I'm fine just hanging out by myself with my dogs, but once every few months or so, loneliness gets the upper hand. Obviously that was triggered after being excited for his arrival, only to find out he got denied.

[fountainhall]

No matter what I say, you're not going to believe me, so why would I spend 20 mins typing out explanations for you? Not to mention, it's not like we'll ever meet in life, so why would I give a shit any way?
Last we heard you were all but on your way to Laos. I and most other posters are interested in what really happens.


once every few months or so, loneliness gets the upper hand. Obviously that was triggered after being excited for his arrival, only to find out he got denied.
So how come one failed attempt to cross the border has ended everything? Did he get a DENIED ENTRY in his passport? Has he suddenly dropped all interest in you after, was it, 8 months of daily chats? Or have you dropped him?

[cdnmatt]

So how come one failed attempt to cross the border has ended everything?

Hardly. If anything, it's made things stronger. Notice my reaction, and crazy ideas like moving me and the dogs to Laos? His reaction has been pretty similar.

It's fine, he'll be here next week sometime probably. After that I would imagine I'll stop posting very much indefiniely, so you'll be a happy camper.

I promise you, this guy isn't a money boy. Obviously, I've sussed out probably hundreds over the past year. If I just wanted sex, I could be having that with someone I barely know in a motel within 60 minutes. If I wanted a "boyfriend" who is looking for a farang to "take care" of him, I could probably have a cute guy living in my house within 24 hours. I promise you, he's nothing like that. We've spent the last 8 months sussing each other out.

[latintopxxx]

.......geez...matty......pretty pathetic....I almost feel dorry for u....and BTW...thanks for squashing the whole retirement in paradise fantasy...

[dinagam]

Don't hesitate Matt, make the move to Laos.
It could turn out to be the fantasy paradise for you after all.
If you get bored you could break the monotony by crossing over to Vietnam, Thailand or Cambodia for a swim in the sea. The dogs would love it.

[goji]

If suppose it would take you about 3.5 hours travel to him. It' dead easy to fix up a meeting with someone 3.5 hours up the road.
So if there was anything serious behind this, I guess that might happen very soon.

[Blueskytoday]

So you have been chatting/mailing, etc for 8 months,,but have never met the boy..but are sure he is
not a money boy, and you know this because?? and your willing to move to Laos ,,,,this is a bit much...need to meet
for a while in person,,know the boy exactly..then think about moving if it all works out,,,

[cdnmatt]

but are sure he is not a money boy, and you know this because??

เพราะว่าผมอยู่เมืองไทย 6 ปีแล้ว ผมคิดว่าผมรู้ถาคนของจริงหรือของปลอมหรือจะเอาเปรียบ ผม

Because I've been living here for 6 years now. I'm pretty sure I can tell if he's real or fake, and if he's going to take advantage of me.

[cdnmatt]

Shit, I misspelled "if". It should be ถ้า not ถา

I don't want to edit that post, in case the Thai characters get messed up.

[goji]

So you have been chatting/mailing, etc for 8 months,,but have never met the boy.....and he's 3.5 hours up the road.

This story's running out of legs.

[latintopxxx]

matty boy based on this post of yours you come across as a lazy indecisive reclusive individual hiding from society in deepest darkest jungles of Thailand. For heavens sakes, you cant even get out of bed to go and meet the love of your life that only lives a comfortable 3 hour car ride away.

[cdnmatt]

.....and he's 3.5 hours up the road.

It's 250km up the road. Your average Thai bus driver can probably knock that out in 90 minutes, lol. There is that pesky international border though.

Anyway, I have to quit posting in this thread anyway. From his recent comments, I'm about 90% certain he's sussed me out online, and is currently reading this thread. And yes, he does know English quite well.