Boyfriend crisis

Help!

Don't know what to do. My boyfriend of 3 months works in the Boys, in BKK. His never asked me for money before - and in the past has been to proud to take it when I've offered. His now just texted me to say business isn't going so well in Bangkok due to bad weather and he can't find any customers - so he is now broke.

If his skint, I'm glad his come to me - and will gladly help him. But seeing as I'm on the other side of the world, and quite a suspcious soul - I am paranoid that he just wants to take me for a ride.

So any thoughts? Maybe if any other posters are in Bangkok, they could comment on how business is doing at the moment?

So should I help or not?

Advice from someone more expereinced in these matters would be much appreciated, Thanks Steve

[sing_lofty_sing]

Sorry mate. But its one of the oldest scams in the world. ive been comming to Thaialnd for about 14 years now and the times ive had calls here in the UK for money is no bodys business.
Look pepperami its down to you in the end, but dont be supprised if you keep getting the begging mail once they know you cough up.
Im not being a nasty sod but when you come home forget the boys till your next trip and never give out your phone or e-mail. But as i said its down to you in the end.
Best wishes.

[Jetsam]

And sometimes they make mistakes too, I got an email if I could send him money with Western Union because he was totaly broke and sold his mobile already , it was an email direct to me, with the header RE: Western Union
He only have to change the name. but he still miss me mak mak :cheers:

I love it :clown:

:-(

My brain tells me your right, but my heart does not want to listen

We been emailing, and texting and phoneing everyday for the last 3 months since I last saw him - we've made good plans for when I come back in a few more months to meet his family, and we've talked at length about living with each other...

Is there no chance he could be in genuine crisis - rather then just taking advantage of this stupid farang? If he has just been setting me up all this time, his invested a lot of time an phone calls doing so...

please say it ain't so! :-(

[Dodger]

Pepperami,

I'm too tired to go through this again...just read below:

MAMASAN'S TRAINING CLASS

Step One: Bait the Hook
Get the farang to off you no matter what you have to do to accomplish this. Smile at him using those facial expressions you see on the soap operas, do whatever you can to make your cock stiff when you're on stage, if he (the farang) is focusing on your cock just start massaging it slowly to keep his attention. If he buys you a drink, sit with your leg touching his and place your hand on his thigh. No matter what the farang says to you, just respond with "Up to You." If he wants to grab your cock - just let him. Better yet, as embarrassing as this is having someone fondling your cock in public, smile and start groaning softly as if you really like it. Remember, it doesn't matter how old he is or what he looks like, the primary objective at this stage is to position your farang for Step Two.

Step Two: Set the Hook
The first time you have sex with the farang, suck him like there's no tomorrow. Remember to spend a lot of time in the shower so the farang will be less apt to want to sit around and talk, because even if you do understand a little English, he'll make no sense to you anyway. Don't wear your underwear when you get in bed with him. Just come out of the bathroom draped in a towel. This way your underpants will stay fresh for your next farang. Do whatever you can to please the farang at this point, and remember, he's old and won't last that long anyway, so just fu*k his brains out for 10 or 15 minutes and you'll be finished for the night. If the farang wants you on the bottom, than by-all-means try to satisfy his request. If you just can't get yourself to do this (especially you straight boys) just tell the farang he is too big for you. That way his disappointment will be offset by his inflated ego and he will just settle for a good blow job. And remember, farangs like cum. Yes, it doesn't matter where you shoot it, just make sure they see you cum...better yet, try to shoot it right in his face...that will get you a 500 baht bonus every single time. When you're finished with your task, remember to tell him how good he was and start flashing those soap opera smiles again, and regardless how much he tips you, remember to smile and give him a polite wai. Remember, it doesn't matter how much he tips you the first time - the primary objective at this stage is to position your farang for Step Three.

Step Three: Keep em on the Line
Make sure you get a commitment from the farang for another off session. If he seems reluctant to commit just keep asking him the same questions over-and-over until he starts to bend. You can attempt to get the farang to off you for a long-stay (several days or more) but be careful not to scare him away. If the farang says he's not sure what he's doing the next night, just tell him you'll be waiting for him. At this stage you can start easing off on the sex a little as the farang will already have emotional ties to you. Remember that farangs have this thing about being loved and nurtured, so now you have to learn a new English phrase, "I Love Only You." This will help to secure your relationship with the farang even after he's departed Thailand for his home on Neptune. Because of the farangs emotional compulsion towards you, he'll typically start buying you things like cell phones and gold necklaces as an expression of how much he really needs you. Accept these gifts graciously, although you don't have to tell him thank you when he presents them to you. Just give him a shy smile and say nothing. This technique is effective for making the farang feel unwanted, and believe it or not, he'll typically buy you another gift before he leaves town because of his depression. At this point it is acceptable to tell him thank you. Make sure to get his e:mail address and some kind of commitment for money. It will only cost you 20 baht per week at the Internet shop, but usually ends up with the farang sending you money - at least once. Most farangs lie about this, although, if you have 3 or 4 farangs on your line simultaneously, it will reap the dividends.

Step Four: [b]Post Game Strategy
After the farang leaves town send him an e:mail message right away. This is where the third key phrase comes into play: "Miss You Too Much." Tell the farang anything you can to get him to send you money. Some tried and true phrases are; My mother needs operation, the water buffalo died, my brother had motocy accident, but the all time award winning phrase is... I have no money for loom. The reason this phrase works so well is that it gives your farang the impression that you are not going off with other farangs because of your love and devotion for him. If he refuses to send you money - just keep telling him you love him anyway. Eventually most farangs break down and send something.

Step Five: Bait Another Hook
Follow steps One through Four above for as many farangs as you can possible get on your line. If you're successful, you can have anywhere between 3 and 7 farangs on the line at the same time which is the ultimate objective. Hell, some of our super stars need trout lines. Just remember to keep repeating the three key phrases you received during your initial training, e.g., Up to You, Love Only You and Miss you Too Much. When one of the farangs starts getting emotionally upset because you don't tell him you love him or thank him verbally for the Nokia toys, then it's time to use the fourth and last key English phrase...You Think Too Much.

[Jetsam]

Just go to his bar and off an other guy :cheers:

Ok, point taken

Thats a bit disappointing actually - an I thought I was special (I'm not that bad a catch!), I would have done anything for him if he didn't take the piss...

Could do with a boyfriend closer to home anyway,

Cheers fella's!

[colmx]

Hi Pepperami
If it makes you feel any better i am told there is torrential rain in Thailand at the moment and that business is bad everywhere...

So your friend could actually be broke... Don't believe all the nay-sayers on this board - some of them were bitten in the past and have become bitter and twisted (or maybe they were twisted already :cherry: )... yes there are rotten eggs amongst the bar boys... but there are also gems...

You just gotta find out which type you have unearthed!

[Jetsam]

Hi Pepperami
If it makes you feel any better i am told there is torrential rain in Thailand at the moment and that business is bad everywhere...

So your friend could actually be broke... Don't believe all the nay-sayers on this board - some of them were bitten in the past and have become bitter and twisted (or maybe they were twisted already :cherry: )... yes there are rotten eggs amongst the bar boys... but there are also gems...

You just gotta find out which type you have unearthed!


Wunderfull advice and wunderfull text under all your posts :clown: , but you are basicaly right and maybe he is really broke, You just will never know if you are 10.000+ km away.

Did your boy not know there was a rainy season in Thailand?
Wasn't business good during the good season?
Does he now know there is such a thing as saving for rainy days?
Why bother?
Plenty of sucker farangs to text to.
You are one of many.

Thanks Colmx,

You know, I think I will give him the benefit of the doubt - at least just this once. I know what he does for a living, and I never asked/expected him to give it up for me. His never asked me for anything before - and in the past when I've offered, his declined. We've been in touch daily for 3 months, I think his invested a lot of effort into our relationship. He knows, if he wants to scam a farang - there are far better targets out there then me. So maybe this IS his hour of need.

This might make me a stupid farang, but I told him once that I loved him - and that if he had any problems to come to me. I'd rather risk being a stupid farang - then the guy that bolted the first time the man he loved came to him for help...

(watch this space though - time will tell if I become a bitter and twisted mess!)

I got back from Pattaya a few days ago. I've known a group of Bar Boys for some years and went with one to his rented room. He'd sold both his mobile and his motorcycle. They were his most prized possessions (can you imagine a Go Go Boy without a mobile?) but he said there were no customers and he had no money. I wasn't "offing" him and wasn't paying him for his company so I've no reason to doubt that he really was hard up and finding business poor.

Any Bar Boy in Thailand will be part of a group of friends where some will be getting money from abroad. The temptations to try and do the same when money gets scarce will be very strong.

It doesn't always mean that's all they were after in the first place. I've been visiting Thailand two or three times a year for 16 years and I've made good and permanent friends with Go Go Boys and they are as mixed a group of people as any where else. I know from personal experience that to portray them all in the cynical way that many poster's do is unfair.

Believe me I've seen every scam out there but I've also found genuine friends who I see regularly and keep in contact with.

pepperami...good luck with your choice.

I can tell you from personal experience as many others here can also - it wont be the last time he and his successors(s) ask unless you are a very very lucky man.

Dont be bitter towards him though.......... its a Thai trait that if they need money they simply ask somebody- sometimes many.
They dont lose face by asking as we might in our society. I learnt this in the villages where people would ask my bf to ask me for money ( especially older people). They usually dont take offence when you say no - but some do dissappear never to be seen again.

I have been to Thailand 27 times in last 6 years and i would say that every single time i have had a hard luck story told to me - the exception being 2 university guys who will sometimes hint that they would love one of those new phones as we pass a shop window but would never ask directly.

If you do give him the money - again good luck - you have to live with the consequences.

[Doug]

I think there are really only 2 questions that you need ask yourself. Do you care for him and miss him a lot? And. Can I afford to send him the money - no strings attached?

If it's "yes" to both questions, then what's the problem. If you're looking forward to your next meeting with a rapidly beating heart, Then what's a hundred or two dollars. Sure, many people have been burned persuing such relationships but that is the excitement of living and loving.

Be honest with him. Tell him you care for him and miss him and you are able to help him financially to a point and spell out that point.

You don't want to be a poofter who is constantly clutching your pearls in worry and pessimism. Carpe diem!!

Rainy season in Thailand in July? The hell you say!

Totally unpredictable situation. It never rains in July in Thailand.

You must immediately dispatch as much as you can possibly spare before the other farangs he emailed send their donations first.

[Surfcrest]

No one knows the situation better than you. How much you care for him. How much he's come to rely on you.

By giving him your phone number or email address suggests you'll not only be back, but back to be with him.

This is really something you need to work through before you leave Thailand....and with your next visit in mind.

Surfcrest

[dave_tf-old]

Rainy season in Thailand in July? The hell you say!

Totally unpredictable situation. It never rains in July in Thailand.

You must immediately dispatch as much as you can possibly spare before the other farangs he emailed send their donations first.

Have you not read the news? It's July and 3/4 of the Kingdom is under a flood watch with some of it under water. Maybe the press and media are part of the vast conspiracy to seperate money from jai-dee farang tourists??

There is more truth to be found than can be found on message boards. Follow your gut. While you are under no obligation to do anything which doesn't suit you, financially or emotionally, the truth is...sometimes the buffaloe DOES die and sometimes grandma IS sick. You didn't get one of the patented sob stories. You offered. You set out the 'love' bait. Although I understand your suspicion and sense of unease, it may well be that YOU are the one being 'tested' even as you ask him to pass the litmus test of this message board.

I'd be hard pressed to call anyone in any country my boyfriend, or even my friend, if my first response wasn't to help if help was asked for after help was offered. If you care for him (and can afford it) there will be plenty of time later to test his true character. No doubt he will fail you somewhere along the way and give you the oppurtunity to save money and shop for a new one.

We don't know him.

[adman5000]

I just returned from Thailand and noticed business activity down significantly at the bars. I read May tourism volume was down 30% over prior year and June was expected to be the same or worse because of Europeans staying home for the World Cup and the higher price on airfares. I had no problem getting a hotel room on short notice various times. I also just did not see many folks walking around Silom and Surawong as I normally do. I am sure many folks are hurting for business.

Ok, I may sound a little dumb here too, but I think the key factor here is that for 3 months he has been in contact with you and not asked for money previously. In my limited experience, boys I have met (even just casual aquaintances) and whom I have kept in touch with, have generally asked for money within the first few emails. The fact that your boyfriend has waited so long would indicate to me that you may want to take him at his word. I could of course be totally wrong.

I disagree with you, Fatman. Many of the boys are smart enough to view a "relationship" as a long-term investment. They know it is important to lay a base before asking for cash.

When in doubt, always remember that they are prostitutes. YOU picked THEM out of a crowd, not the other way around. 99 times out of 100, they have no interest in you other than what's in your wallet. That's the name of the game.

I still think odds are it is BS. They are so good at playing these heartstrings and pursestrings.
But I am sure he really can use the extra cash, who couldn't?

where he learned all about Western Union quick money transfers.
If you really must do it; hedge.
Tell him you will send 2,000 baht, which should be more than enough for a round-trip ticket home + a thou for "Mama.".

[Smiles]

" ... Is there no chance he could be in genuine crisis - rather then just taking advantage of this stupid farang? If he has just been setting me up all this time, his invested a lot of time an phone calls doing so ... please say it ain't so! :-(
. . . Thais are genetically stamped to tell you what you want to hear. So ...

... it ain't so.

Cheers ...

[TrongpaiExpat]

Have you not read the news? It's July and 3/4 of the Kingdom is under a flood watch with some of it under water. Maybe the press and media are part of the vast conspiracy to seperate money from jai-dee farang tourists??

Bangkok has not been that bad. Some days no rain at all, other's just a light shower and every now and then a lot but not for long.

Contrary to some of the above, it has been a particularly miserable low season (and a very rainy one, including today) for a lot of workers here in the Big Mango- some of them (whom I do not support myself) have told me they're lucky to get one or two customers in a week.

Your friend's request may well be genuine, though your responsibility for him is up to you, as they say.

[Dodger]

Trongpai...I agree with your comments, although these types of floods caused by seasonal monsoons are common events and really don't impact the working boys very much. I don't want to sound totally insensitive, but most of these boys live in shared rented rooms and will continue sleeping in there beds even when they're floating on water. Also, these torrential rains never seem to effect the flow of customers to the bars. Hell, I've even sloshed through a foot of water to get to Boyztown before, and the bars were jammed with soggy customers.

I think our new friend is experiencing the typical Thai come-on for money, plain and simple.

I also agree with those who say that it's not wrong to send money to someone you care for, considering their desperate need for $$$, as long as the farang understands that his donation is not normally based on anything other than that fact. It's not the sending money part that hurts so many farangs - it's the delusion that the money is, in some way, part of some special bonding process.

We all have our opinions and our own pitfalls to fall in, but I have never sent money to a working boy. I only started putting money in Boy Specials pockets one year after he left the gogo scene. Four years later (which was just recently) he made the decision to return to the scene, not at a gogo bar, but a similar venue where he was employed as a show dancer, and I immediatly stopped providing him with financial support. My opinion, right or wrong, is that along with the fast cash and gold necklaces that the working boys harvest comes the reality that not all days are good ones. Like everyone else in life they have to experience this on their own terms. If they can't figure out the importance of saving a little money in the bank, than they just have to either face the consequences, or, of course, find a soft hearted farang to fill their pockets.

:-(

My brain tells me your right, but my heart does not want to listen

We been emailing, and texting and phoneing everyday for the last 3 months since I last saw him - we've made good plans for when I come back in a few more months to meet his family, and we've talked at length about living with each other...

Is there no chance he could be in genuine crisis - rather then just taking advantage of this stupid farang? If he has just been setting me up all this time, his invested a lot of time an phone calls doing so...

please say it ain't so! :-(



We been emailing, and texting and phoneing everyday for the last 3 months since I last saw him - we've made good plans for when I come back in a few more months to meet his family,

Sms , phoning 2 or 3 times everyday during 8 months. Made good plans to meet the family and traveling around in Thailand, boy even in the airport to welcome me but only a small problem...Other boyfriend ( farang ) comes on the same time " boy ask me what to do ?". I tell boy send your sms, e-mail " only you", to your other friend in the further.

The good end was , i had a nice Holiday, but i never give my mobilenr. or e-mail to a boy again, very quit if back home. :cheers:

[TrongpaiExpat]

Contrary to some of the above, it has been a particularly miserable low season (and a very rainy one, including today)

What a board, we can't even agree if it's raining.

It rained today in Bangkok at about 3pm and stopped at about 3:20 pm and the air was refreshed. I was out all evening and it was dry. Not many customers out but come this weekend things will pick up.

Yesterday, it rained about the same time and did not last 10 minutes.

If you venture outside the usual farang venues, it's as busy as it ever gets during high season.

Some people must just love being miserable.

I think I will stick by my plan - I will help him this once, and then see how things develop

I hate the thought of being dupped, but I hate the thought of him having to struggle more.

Dave tf's - your thoughts make me feel ashamed of myself. My first response is to help him, and do anything I can to help him. Its only from reading boards such as this, that doubt (rightly or wrongly) starts to set in. Thank you for making me take a good look at myself in the mirror.

It seems the consensus here is not to trust him, and that I'm setting myself up for a fall. I hate the idea - that he may be playing with my emotions. But, I've also read of Farang who apparently play with the emotions of the Boys, and who let them down. I loathe the idea of being one of them. I told my friend to let me know if he ever needed help - so I'll do whats right.

I don't beleave his got lots of Farang 'hanging on' (unless his just not very good at it). I've spent time with him at his place, and he has such a meagre existance. No gold or fancy jewlry like some of the boys apparently have - he just lives in a room. I beleave (grasping at straws here) that he does genuinely care for me. When we "dated" in Bangkok, he wouldn't take my cash then - and even spent a fair bit on me. Worse case scenario - if I am being duped, I'll only be paying him back the tip he never took.

Maybe this is all part of some major long term scheme - but I just can't see him being that cunning. I've offered him money before which his always declined. A few weeks ago, I offered to send him 8000 baht for English lessons - he could have took that and ran. Instead, he said he would rather wait till I come back to Bkk - and help him pick a school together.

Time will tell I guess,
Steve

[Jetsam]

Maybe this is all part of some major long term scheme - but I just can't see him being that cunning. I've offered him money before which his always declined. A few weeks ago, I offered to send him 8000 baht for English lessons - he could have took that and ran. Instead, he said he would rather wait till I come back to Bkk - and help him pick a school together.

Time will tell I guess,
Steve

If that's the case he's certainly not the ordinary moneyboy, and I think you found a real pearl, I wish the both of you good luck :flower:

Hooker with a heart of gold.

[Dodger]

pepperami,

You've just received a lot of good advice from some real seasoned veterans. Hopefully this has helped.

In all honesty, from all the information you provided us about him, it sounds like he's a sincere person who doesn't make it a habit of taking someones money under false pretenses. When you think about it, he only asked for some money because he was broke, not as a wedding dowry. Are your expectations as sincere as his intentions? Only you can answer that.

Keep your emotions in tact...(mai pen rai)

And most importantly, good luck...we've all been down the path.

[jimnbkk]

I think he's real. I think from what you say that you should assume the best and not the worst. If helping him doesn't hurt you financially, then it should make you feel good to help him.

I know with my Thai friend (I hate to say bf, he's soooo much younger than me) who is not a money boy, I help him hugely. He's living a different life now and all because of me. And, I'll keep it up too. Finishing high school now, then university later. I'll leave him a lot better off than when I met him, and even if he goes off 'into the sunset', I'll still feel good and not regret it.

I can't do some of the things I wanted to do because he's a bit of a drain on me, but it makes me feel good, and it's my money. and that's enough for me!!!

best of luck

Guy's,

Thanks to everyone whose taken the time an effort to share their advice with me. It is so very much appreciated.

Dodger and Jim, I'm glad you think his sincere - especially as your earlier post about the Mamasan training school was so cynical (I might have laughed if my stomach hadn't been in knots!), and thanks for your kind words Jetsam.

As for my expectations? The pragmatic side of me tells me the relationship will be very difficult to sustain. However, my heart says we are both still young(ish) - and so, while it won't happen over night - if we love each other, and both want it enough, we'll find a way to be together. My feelings for him are completely sincere - so much so infact, that I've just ended a 4 year relationship with an English guy for him.

I see your angle completely Jim. If me and my "boy" can't make it work together - I want him to have a brighter future. Thats why I am so keen for him to improve his English. He'll need it, if he comes to the UK to stay with me - or failing that, I hope it will get him a better job in Thailand. His quite old to be a bar boy now, I think his coming to the end of his shelf life - don't think he can do it for many more years.

Thanks again,
Steve

The question is, do you want to meet him again next time you come there? In that case I think it's ok to give him some money but be very clear on how much you intend to give him and what he can expect to get until next time you get there. And then stick to that. Otherwise it┬┤s very easy to loose control.

Well тАУ I emailed my friend earlier in the week, expressing my concern that he might have been trying to take me for a ride. He didnтАЩt appreciate this, replying that if I did not trust him тАУ why would I want to settle down with him? He ended the note by saying that after his friend had read the mail back to him тАУ it had left him in tears.

He wouldnтАЩt take any of my calls, or reply to my SMSтАЩs or emails for a few days тАУ even when I told him I would help him. I sent 6000 baht to him via Western Union.

I phoned him yesterday, he told me that he didnтАЩt need me to support him тАУ and that he could make money. He said he was on his way to stay with his mother in Isaan, than abruptly hung up. Later that day, he sent me a text, with his usual about loving me, and missing me тАУ ending it by saying how he never lies to me, and wants me to trust him.

So, I phoned him up this morning тАУ he sounded very down. I asked him what the matter was, he said he wanted me to know, that because he could not get customer in Bangkok, he has been to do a sex movie. Apparently it was a Korean production, filmed in Pattaya. He stressed that he was sorry for asking me for money, that he loves me and not money тАУ and that he will always be truthful to me. He says he does not want me to support him тАУ just to come back to stay with him. The money I sent via Western Union, has still yet to be picked up тАУ which he now says he does not need (of course IтАЩve told him to take and save it).

I feel about an inch tall. I call him boyfriend, yet when it came to when it counted тАУ my actions were governed by suspicion and paranoia, rather then my heart.

Well тАУ I emailed my friend earlier in the week, expressing my concern that he might have been trying to take me for a ride. He didnтАЩt appreciate this, replying that if I did not trust him тАУ why would I want to settle down with him? He ended the note by saying that after his friend had read the mail back to him тАУ it had left him in tears.

He wouldnтАЩt take any of my calls, or reply to my SMSтАЩs or emails for a few days тАУ even when I told him I would help him. I sent 6000 baht to him via Western Union.

I phoned him yesterday, he told me that he didnтАЩt need me to support him тАУ and that he could make money. He said he was on his way to stay with his mother in Isaan, than abruptly hung up. Later that day, he sent me a text, with his usual about loving me, and missing me тАУ ending it by saying how he never lies to me, and wants me to trust him.

So, I phoned him up this morning тАУ he sounded very down. I asked him what the matter was, he said he wanted me to know, that because he could not get customer in Bangkok, he has been to do a sex movie. Apparently it was a Korean production, filmed in Pattaya. He stressed that he was sorry for asking me for money, that he loves me and not money тАУ and that he will always be truthful to me. He says he does not want me to support him тАУ just to come back to stay with him. The money I sent via Western Union, has still yet to be picked up тАУ which he now says he does not need (of course IтАЩve told him to take and save it).

I feel about an inch tall. I call him boyfriend, yet when it came to when it counted тАУ my actions were governed by suspicion and paranoia, rather then my heart.

You can be very sure if he send you back your 6000 bath :bigsmurf:

Or could be a master ploy for a larger payout ... 6K B is peanuts.

It's impossible to know for sure, though I think you may have damaged relations whichever way things were going more than 6000B was probably worth.

[Hmmm]

I feel about an inch tall. I call him boyfriend, yet when it came to when it counted тАУ my actions were governed by suspicion and paranoia, rather then my heart.

This won't be the last time one of you will feel like the other has let him down. It's par for the course. If you're both sincere you'll get through it. Likewise you are both responsible for resolving his unstable financial situation .. a real job, education, whatever works for both of you.

Pepperami:

I hope this thread has been cathartic for you. You have failed to take the best of advice given by members of the forum.

However, you are not to be faulted for this. We all react to matters of the heart as individuals. And, many of us never perceive the lessons to be learned and change behavior based on experience.

Perhaps, you wanted some ongoing drama - and, maybe, things will work out okay. But either way, you do not seem the type to accept sage counsel and therefore -

can we end this thread now?

[orson]

you've gone through this emotional roller coaster for just 6k bht? i know its your money, but i would never want to go through an experience of asking someone if he is using me, specially for such a measly sum :drunken:

I think there are really only 2 questions that you need ask yourself. Do you care for him and miss him a lot? And. Can I afford to send him the money - no strings attached?

If it's "yes" to both questions, then what's the problem.

That's the best advice you'll ever get.

Thank you Goldensyrup/Doug, the answer to both questions is Yes 

As for the sum of money involved, in retrospect maybe 6 K Baht is a low amount. My friend did not say how much he needed тАУ and the fact is, no ones ever asked me to send them money like this before. My intention was to help him through a short term cash flow crisis тАУ not support him and his relatives. The sum of money was never the issue for me, but instead that it represented a change in our relationship as he had previously never asked me for money before.

Stargaze, I am truly grateful to everyone who has taken time and effort to reply to my posting тАУ both on the board, and privately. I donтАЩt want this thread to go on forever тАУ therefore for anyone who has been so kind as to take an interest I thought my last post would conclude with how things panned out. If you do happen to find this thread to be tiresome, or uninteresting why not simply refrain from reading it?

[Dodger]

pepperami...

If this boy is good looking (they all are) and works in a popular gogo bar, he can earn 6,000 baht very easily in a weeks time. If he needed the money as bad as he claimed - it wouldn't be just sitting there at the bank right now - it would be in his pockets. Also, a seasoned Thai working boy does not get teary-eyed about making a sex movie. The tears are simply part of the movie he's been producing for you.

That routine he used, where at first he presented himself as being terribly hurt and emotionally upset - only to turn around the next day with the I Really Love crap, is also textbook working boy manipulation.

For 6,000 baht you have just purchased yourself another round in this unfolding drama...and believe me, there's going to be a sequel.


And please, quit acting so NAIVE about all this. How did you expect him to react when you questioned his motives about the money? Did you think he would just come out and confess and tell you he was just setting you up?

Whatever the "truth", this thread illustrates well how difficult these farang-Thai relationships can be. And yet. many of still approach this minefield with open hearts and optimism. People aren't all about rationality, and that can be a good thing.

[Smiles]

" ... pepperami ... please, quit acting so NAIVE about all this. How did you expect him to react when you questioned his motives about the money? Did you think he would just come out and confess and tell you he was just setting you up? ... "
Agree very much with this comment of Dodger's. I assume he is talking about this mind-boggling concept from your post above:

" ... Well тАУ I emailed my friend earlier in the week, expressing my concern that he might have been trying to take me for a ride. He didnтАЩt appreciate this (!??) ... "
( A "DUH" moment for the ages! )

I think that on the whole I'm miles from being one of those guys here on this Board who would be automatically deposited by most into the 'Cynic Room'. I've had a great thing going with a wonderful Thai guy for close on 7 years now, and the potential for me to become jaded are obviously inherent in my particular situation. So please don't misunderstand my comments:

I think you are being taken for a complete ride in this so-called 'relationship' (it's beyond me ~ given the very small amount of time you've known each other ~ how you can possibly use the term "boyfriend").

Given the story you've told so far, my advice (for what it's worth) is this:

Send no more money, ever [/*:m:3rtlqmgb]
Carry on no further communications, unless you can get to the (difficult) 'just friends' place[/*:m:3rtlqmgb]
Give the entire adventure up, chalk it up as education, and walk away "to the hunt" once again (if the "hunt" is your style)[/*:m:3rtlqmgb]

I make these comments solely based on your own words, in your own posts on this thread.

But I certainly wish you good luck in getting your head back into a healthy space . . . it's certainly not there right now.

Cheers ...

PS ... the 2nd post in this long thread (by Sing_Lofty_Sing turned to be ~ IMHO ~ the post you needed to read and take notice of.

[dave_tf-old]

Sometimes I wish I had a clever list of rules or well-written, pithy statements that I could drag up in threads like these. It would be nice to be able to persuade others of such obvious concepts as individuality, universal humanity, and cultural disparity in a neat, entertaining package. It would, I confess, be even more valuable as a moral compass to my own self when confronted with temptations to forget my own beliefs and experiences and go-with-the-flow.

In the absence of such a simplistic roadmap, such a bumper-sticker wisdom, it's difficult to swim against such a flow of well-intentioned pronouncements, haphazard research, bitter resignation, inverted values, knee-jerk call-and-response, prejudice, and/or racism. It's all the more easy to allow the riptide to carry me out to the big, mean, sad & angry sea when I'm confident that some of the wash comes from individual interpretations of experience and that these experiences are not foreign to me.

My own experiences, focus on those experiences, and interpretation of those experiences admittedly are skewed to the exception rather than the rule. I can only add that these exceptions are not so infrequent as to be truly exceptional. That puts me in the camp of the less-cynical. That puts me at odds with the prevailing "wisdom" of this and other boards and loose associations. Sometimes I understand the 'Thai Guy experience' they describe, and sometimes I wonder if we arrived at the same airport.

It's not pithy, and not entertaining, and not one-size-fits-all, but it's worth it to consider:

1. Every individual is unique whether he comes from a heterogenous or homogenous culture.

2. Not all 'prostitutes' are whores just as not all politicans are slugs.

3. Friendship is the meeting of people with similar values, not similar roles.

4. Nobody truly knows anybody and most don't even know themselves.

OK...that's a lot of pomposity for people looking simply to squeeze a load out. But maybe it ain't bad for people looking to find a friend, foreign and exciting. All I can add is...whatever happens, and whatever 'side' of this collection of posters appears vindicated, it will be a unique experience between two unique individuals niether of which we know (protestations to the contrary).

"4. Nobody truly knows anybody and most don't evenknow themselves."

Rather deep! Or at least it struck me as deep........

In the roller-coaster that is my current long-distance relationship with a Thai man, there are many times when I look at my friends' faces and see the cynicism that they have mostly given up saying to me out loud.

I am in love with a 29yr old Thai man who lives 6000 miles away. I am 47 years old and have lived alone for over 11 years now. I am planning to bring my boyfriend to live with me in the UK and we plan to get "married". Believe me there are lots of times when I look at myself and wonder what is going on in my own head/heart. Sometimes I frighten myself.

Make you own mistakes, but take responsibility for them too, and don't blame anyone else. Make your own choices and live with them. Every day try to get to know yourself a little better, and the person you love too.

Too much soul-searching for a Sunday morning - I am off to work instead!!

Cheers!

As you appear consigned to giving money away, why not choose one of the fine Thai charities instead. And you would gain merit in the process.