Two boyfriends ?

[justaguy]

I posting this story under a different user name. If this somehow circumvents rules and regulations, please understand that I am posting this to prevent easy searching for my regular username, as it will easily produce results.

Now I am posting this not necessarily to get advice, even though that is appreciated. I am just posting this to see what (if any) reactions I get from generally much older persons.
I’m posting this in the gay Thailand forum, even though none of the persons involved are actually Thai. But it’s gay and it did happen (is happening) partially in Thailand, so I do see the relevance.

First a little background. For the past 12 years, I am in a relationship with a Lao guy. Met him in a restaurant in Sukhumvit Soi 22 where he was working at the time. The first two years we would meet in BKK during my holidays (twice a year). After this, it got more serious, and during a period of about three years, he visited my country 6 times on a Schengen visa.
After this going back and forth adventure, he permanently stayed with me, and after 6.5 years in my country he obtained permanent residency.
Now, I would describe our relationship as pretty good. We genuinely love each other and fights and problems are few and far between.

Five years ago I met my boyfriend’s best friend, he is also Lao and comes from a village not far from my boyfriend’s village (about 5 km apart). That first encounter didn’t leave any impression, as I simply forgot about him.
About a year later when I came back to the village after a short city trip alone, he was there and greeted me. As said, I didn’t remember him, but he sure seemed to remember me, including my name. Anyway, that night he stayed with us at my boyfriend’s parents house.
This time around, he did make an impression on me. In fact, I kind of liked the guy, he does look good, but more importantly, he is fun to be around.

Now after this second encounter, I met him several times in Bangkok. In fact, he slept with us several times (just sleep, as friends).

Until last November. It was one of the last days of my most recent holiday there. We were in the Telephone bar until closing time, and onwards to our usual karaoke at Pridi. He would join us there with a colleague, which he did at about 4am, at which time my boyfriend and I already consumed a full bottle of Thai Whiskey. It was agreed beforehand that he would sleep with us, so off we went to our place, after purchasing another bottle of Thai whiskey.

So after we almost finished the second bottle (we ran out of coke and soda) we would go sleep. That was around 6 am. Sleep I didn’t do for some time. I just want to point out that at the time I was completely drunk, so my recollection of whatever happened is fuzzy. I do know that I was lying next to the guy and had his dick in my mouth. I do know that with two other persons present (including my boyfriend) we decided to go the bathroom to conclude whatever the hell it was we were doing.

According to my boyfriend we were messing about for a full three hours, now I doubt that to be the case, but I don’t honestly can tell. From the other guy I do now know what we actually did.
Now for me this was a big OEPS moment. And I would probably have ignored it entirely was it not for the fact that when I woke up, I was holding the guy in the most direct way you can possibly hold someone. This told me two things, 1) apparently I like the guy and 2) he apparently like me, otherwise he wouldn’t let me hold him like that.

Anyway, the next day we went back home. My boyfriend initially said “no problem”. But after we got home, it was apparent that he was angry. Further complicating things, the other guy contacted me on Facebook. Initially just a chat every 4 or 5 days. Until about 5-6 weeks, at which our chat session would be daily and several times a day.
He keeps telling me how he is bad for this best friend, but in the same breath states the intention to have sex with me again, because he wants to. Now I am no saint, so I concurred.

Of course my boyfriend isn’t stupid, and some of the chats caught his attention (video chats tend to make some noise here or there  ).
So my next trip to BKK is in 11 days, and it is clear the other guy wants sex, it is also clear my boyfriend doesn’t want that to happen.

It’s kind of funny how they were at odds at each other just one week ago, leading to the other guy flat out crying, yet he still wants to have sex with me.

As far as I’m concerned, chatting with this guy for 10 weeks, several times a day, has certainly introduced a few feelings for him. And I have every intention to make due on his requests for sex. Even though I know I would be a very bad boy for my boyfriend. But I am a human being as well, and I certainly developed feelings for the other guy.

Oh boy, the next holiday is going to be interesting for sure 

[bazzabear]

A very interesting read. Justaguy. And i cannot wait for your next holiday report, i have always thought why should we not be able to care or love more than one person. But only if everyone is honest with each other .and what is good for one must also be good for the other , if you understand what i mean

[bucknaway]

Wow, I don't think I would remain in a relationship with a guy having sex with my best friend. The 2 people I would trust the most in the world both conspiring to hurt me knowing that I know what they are doing but neither give a damn.

Not only are you cheating on him but you helped to destroy the friendship he had with his best friend.

How could he ever trust you? I bet the more he thinks about it all, the more his emotions are raging.

It would be times like this that you should avoid tall buildings.

[justaguy]

Thanks for the replies. I personally don't think having sex with this guy was done in order to hurt my boyfriend.

Having said that, I'm fully aware of the trust issue involved. Trouble is, I just cannot help myself. I love two persons. And contrary to bazzabear's post, it cannot possibly be done in all honesty.

[Moses]

When you love apples sometimes to eat oranges is best way to keep to love apples. Esp. when you eat apples 12 years.

I'm in love and in relationship over 12 years also. Me and BF sometimes have sex "outside of the family" and both know it - we discuss experiences and sometimes his or my lovers even visiting our house and are guests not only in our hall but also in our bedroom. It has been started after about 7 or 8 years after beginning of relationship and takes a place 5-6 times per year. Nobody cares. It is question of trusting.

As per my experience you love only one, second person is whom you like and want to fuck.

[ggobob]

I doubt you will not do what you want. The loser in all of this is your BF, he loses you and his best friend.

[justaguy]

I doubt you will not do what you want. The loser in all of this is your BF, he loses you and his best friend.

Yeah, you don't bullshit. This is what I want to avoid at all costs. I guess it is futile.

[oldfarang]

You seem(ed) to have a great life with your boyfriend and are throwing it all out the door just because you can't think with your big head.

The fact that you used a (temp) username for this, says to me that you know you are wrong and feel ashamed and you should IMHO.

You should have stopped after the drunken mistake. I have nothing against just third party sex within a relationship, but should be anonymous and feelings free.

[justaguy]

@oldfarang, I did think about this, but I guess you hit the nail on the head.

Yes I certainly know that I'm wrong, trouble is, I cannot help myself at this point.

Maybe I can fix this in two weeks, by dumping the other guy. I would not want to do that right now, 10K KM away, but might have to stop it once in Thailand.

[justaguy]

You seem(ed) to have a great life with your boyfriend and are throwing it all out the door just because you can't think with your big head.

The fact that you used a (temp) username for this, says to me that you know you are wrong and feel ashamed and you should IMHO.

You should have stopped after the drunken mistake. I have nothing against just third party sex within a relationship, but should be anonymous and feelings free.

I certainly know I'm wrong, and yes I am ashamed about all of this. Trouble is, I do actually love both of them. There is no question in my mind that I would dump my current boyfriend, so it will have to be the other one. If I make that decision, I will not do it from abroad, but in Thailand.

As to feelings free, I have never fucked wtih someone I didn't have feelings for, I guess that's just the way I "'tick"

[cdnmatt]

You may think you have two BFs now, but I'm pretty confident you will quickly end up with zero BFs in short order, if you haven't already done so.

Do you have any idea what I would do for a decent BF to love and be loved back by? Here you are being greedy, and trying for two. Unfortunately, they can be greedy too, so you're more than likely going to end up with zero and much less money in your bank account. There's a good chance your "BF" got over the fact you cheated on him so quickly because he colluded with his friend, and they decided "what a dickhead" and are now going to try and take full advantage of the situation.

Now you have two BFs to support, and good chance neither has feelings for you any more.

[justaguy]

You might be right about the zero boyfriends remark, you're way off the mark about the less money in my bank account. I do have a brain you know...

As to being greedy, that's not fair, I didn't ask for all of this, it just happened.

[justaguy]

You may think you have two BFs now, but I'm pretty confident you will quickly end up with zero BFs in short order, if you haven't already done so.

Do you have any idea what I would do for a decent BF to love and be loved back by? Here you are being greedy, and trying for two. Unfortunately, they can be greedy too, so you're more than likely going to end up with zero and much less money in your bank account. There's a good chance your "BF" got over the fact you cheated on him so quickly because he colluded with his friend, and they decided "what a dickhead" and are now going to try and take full advantage of the situation.

Now you have two BFs to support, and good chance neither has feelings for you any more.

Hmm you edited your post. Trust me when I say that there is zero chance they are colluded amongst each other. And my boyfriend is perfectly capable of supporting himself. He has a job over here. The other one can support himself too (albeit barely).

By the way, after 12 years relationship, you really think "BF" is warrented ? Not everyone gets their boyfriends out of a gogo bar !

Way to miss the point, you are way off the mark here.

[cdnmatt]

As to being greedy, that's not fair, I didn't ask for all of this, it just happened.

And it just so happens, thinking with your dick instead of your brain tends to cause a world of hurt.

Enjoy your next trip to Asia.

[justaguy]

And it just so happens, thinking with your dick instead of your brain tends to cause a world of hurt.

Enjoy your next trip to Asia.

Touché.

I wonder how many people wouldn't think with their dick in this situation.

[cdnmatt]

Up to you dude. In my eyes, shrugging your shoulders and saying, "I'm only human" is a pretty lame excuse, especially when you're potentially throwing away a 12 year relationship.

There's a difference here. I think it's colmx who has a really open relationship with his BF, but they've previously discussed it, agreed, and are totally fine with it, so cool deal. You however went behind your BFs back, slept with one of his best friends, and are confused as to why he's so nonchalant about it.

Someone (or mulitple people) are going to end up really hurt out of this ordeal. Again, enjoy your next trip to Asia.

[justaguy]

Up to you dude. In my eyes, shrugging your shoulders and saying, "I'm only human" is a pretty lame excuse, especially when you're potentially throwing away a 12 year relationship.

There's a difference here. I think it's colmx who has a really open relationship with his BF, but they've previously discussed it, agreed, and are totally fine with it, so cool deal. You however went behind your BFs back, slept with one of his best friends, and are confused as to why he's so nonchalant about it.

Someone (or mulitple people) are going to end up really hurt out of this ordeal. Again, enjoy your next trip to Asia.

Yes, altough I would like to point out that initially I did not went behind my BF's back, we did it in plain view of him. I asked him about why he didn't stop me, and he said: I give for you, and when you're drunk, no-one can stop you.

I am fully aware that someone or even multiple people might get hurt by this. I just looking for a way to make this right.

What happened, happened, no way to turn back the clock, however I do think there's still a chance to make this right for all of us.

Oh, and he isn't nochalant about this, he feels very strongly about this now. Did you even read the OP ?

[cdnmatt]

I just looking for a way to make this right.

Make your mind up, and tell the other party it's over. That's the most humane thing you can do.

Don't string someone along telling them you love them, when in reality, you're chasing someone else. I've been strung along before in the past, and trust me, it hurts, so don't do it. Not the same situation as this, but nonetheless... We moved to Budapest from Canada, he decided he's not willing to tell his homophobic friends he's gay, so under the bus I went.

However, for years he kept telling me how much he loves me, probably because I was the bread winner. Even today if I drop him a message, he will tell me how much he cares & thinks about me. The relationship ending obviously sucked, but the part that hurt the most is he didn't know what he wanted, so decided to string me along instead. This lasted years, and it wasn't fun.

Don't do that to either, your BF or this new guy you have on the line. Pick one, be up front with the other, and let the chips fall where they may.

[colmx]

I think it's colmx who has a really open relationship with his BF, but they've previously discussed it, agreed, and are totally fine with it, so cool deal.

Yup that's me, but it was never discussed, just kinda evolved over the last 14 years or so... as we are both have predatory instincts - it kinda works for us

However on my second last trip in October I hunted a lot more than he did... and I was given a stern warning!
"If you want to have so many guys then come to Thailand - but don't let me know!"

That fairly much put me in my place!

[dinagam]

There is a practice in Thailand whereby a man can have a principal(official) wife, and at the same time keeping a second wife( mia noi ) or several more if he has the means. But this is done discreetly.

[fountainhall]

Not only are you cheating on him but you helped to destroy the friendship he had with his best friend.
How could he ever trust you?
Surely trust is one of the keys to any long term relationship. You have broken it big time. Agree totally with Bucky.


I certainly know I'm wrong, and yes I am ashamed about all of this. Trouble is, I do actually love both of them . . . As to feelings free, I have never fucked wtih someone I didn't have feelings for, I guess that's just the way I "'tick"
So you know you are wrong and are ashamed - so you know what you have to do. Fucking someone because you have feelings for them has nothing to do with the issue.


The loser in all of this is your BF, he loses you and his best friend.
Do you not realise the damage you have caused to your relationship? I'm not talking about sex with others outside a relationship. I have gay friends who are now married after 30, even 40, years together. Like many other long-term couples, I know that after a few years together they came to an arrangement whereby each could play around a bit - on the understanding that both were open about it and told the other about their experiences.

But to develop not just a quick fuck with your BF's best friend but an emotional attachment is utter madness. You blame the start on the drink. BS! You just thought it would be fun to take that drunken chance encounter further because you fancied the guy. Since then you have given zero thought to the effect on your relationship. You say you are going to have sex with the best friend when you return. But then you say you might dump him. So you show zero self-control. Which is it? More fucks - or thank you and good bye? Whatever you decide, you have shattered your BF's trust and it's up to you to rebuild that. If you don't, sorry to say he doesn't deserve you! If I were him, even after 12 years as your BF, I'd just pack up and leave! After all he has his residency papers, a job and therefore independence.

[francois]

Well, since you asked for "reactions" I think the best word to describe you is "cad". What you have is a real boyfriend and the other is nothing but a fuck-friend, not two boyfriends.

After saying the above, your post was most interesting to say the least! It does illustrate the meaning of "dancing with the devil".

[latintopxxx]

Now i'm going to do the " what the hell us wrong with YOU people", one of the advantages of being gay is the ability to fuck anything that moves. Even straight men struggle to remain monogamous hence all the divorces. I met my partner in a sauna where we were both total sluts, we love sex, sex is a hobby. Been together for over a decade, have substantial assets together, we talk and laugh and fuck together, in a group or seperately. Have had dozens of live in lovers, some only last a week, others up to 6 months....helps we have 2 spare bedrooms in a nice part of town with 2 universities. Issue is MOST of you guys confuse a fuck with love. I cant even recall who I fucked last week, its all done in the moment, like chewing gum...flavour is soon gone and I need fresh meat.

[cdnmatt]

Holy fuck, you must have been the most unloved child I ever met.

[Tobi]

I love two persons.

Nope. The only person you love is yourself.

[latintopxxx]

there u go again ...u old fossil...filed away somewhere in the boondocks....actually i must have been an incredibly ugly/unloved child...attended Catholic schools and NOT once was I touched...and here I had the hots for half the teachers...

[latintopxxx]

whoops that was intended for cdnmatt

[fountainhall]

Issue is MOST of you guys confuse a fuck with love.
If you had read the first post correctly, you'd have realised that it is the OP who is confusing fuck with love!


I certainly developed feelings for the other guy.

[justaguy]

If you had read the first post correctly, you'd have realised that it is the OP who is confusing fuck with love!

It looks like it's you who hasn't read the first post correctly. Let me help you:

As far as I’m concerned, chatting with this guy for 10 weeks, several times a day, has certainly introduced a few feelings for him.

So fuck has nothing to do with it.

[justaguy]

Nope. The only person you love is yourself.

Bold statement, based upon what I have written and maybe left out.

The quoted statement is 100% accurate.

[justaguy]

But to develop not just a quick fuck with your BF's best friend but an emotional attachment is utter madness. You blame the start on the drink. BS! You just thought it would be fun to take that drunken chance encounter further because you fancied the guy. Since then you have given zero thought to the effect on your relationship. You say you are going to have sex with the best friend when you return. But then you say you might dump him. So you show zero self-control. Which is it? More fucks - or thank you and good bye? Whatever you decide, you have shattered your BF's trust and it's up to you to rebuild that. If you don't, sorry to say he doesn't deserve you! If I were him, even after 12 years as your BF, I'd just pack up and leave! After all he has his residency papers, a job and therefore independence.

Hmm, it seems you have not understood my OP at all. The fuck has zero to do with it. After this encounter, we only had occasional contact. The attachment developed when we started chatting each and every day.

[Dodger]

justaguy,

I wouldn't worry about this too much, because it's very possible that they (your boyfriend and his best friend) are actually lovers and have staged this scenerio from the beginning. Getting you drunk...seducing you with all the flirting and flattery...manipulating you into thinking boy # 2 just csn't resist having sex with you, etc., etc. They could be 10 moves ahead of you without you having the foggiest clue...which is what they are masters act.

Just a thought.

[justaguy]

justaguy,

I wouldn't worry about this too much, because it's very possible that they (your boyfriend and his best friend) are actually lovers and have staged this scenerio from the beginning. Getting you drunk...seducing you with all the flirting and flattery...manipulating you into thinking boy # 2 just csn't resist having sex with you, etc., etc. They could be 10 moves ahead of you without you having the foggiest clue...which is what they are masters act.

Just a thought.

Not a likely scenario. Did I mention neither has ever worked in the industry this forum focusses on ? So they haven't mastered the methods you are describing.

In any case, to suggest they are lovers is utterly hilarious, no chance in hell.

[Dodger]

Would it bother you if in fact they were?

[lego]

I think it's pretty simple, the OP is neither in love with his boyfriend's best friend nor does he see him as a mere fuck. I'd say he is infatuated with him and mistakes that for being in love. You'd think he'd realize that by himself, eventually, but some cock suckers are dumber than others, so it might take a while.

[justaguy]

Would it bother you if in fact they were?

Not really I think. Of course that would have made it unlikely I would ever have met my boyfriend, as I don't frequent that industry at all.

It was just to point out that they are very unlikely to master the hilarious methods you just described. I am dead certain other less convoluted and time consuming methods do exist to pull one on me :)

If you are referring to them being lovers, no way in hell.

[justaguy]

I think it's pretty simple, the OP is neither in love with his boyfriend's best friend nor does he see him as a mere fuck. I'd say he is infatuated with him and mistakes that for being in love. You'd think he'd realize that by himself, eventually, but some cock suckers are dumber than others, so it might take a while.

No I am most certainly not infatuated with the bloke. Nor am I stupid, thank you very much.

[Smiles]

A trend on this thread is obvious now: the OP posts a longish message, kinda/sorta not asking for advice, but simply asking for some kind of feedback. After each and every reply (almost), the OP answers ... either agreeing, disagreeing, but enough to bring others into the thread. But in fact, absolutely nothing has been accomplished other than more 2 cents being applied, driving up the posting numbers, while the original premise has gained net nothing.
Does anyone actually believe this dude, or this story?


" ... I am dead certain other less convoluted and time consuming methods do exist to pull one on me ... "

.... as well as this board.


" ... I have never fucked wtih [sp] someone I didn't have feelings for, I guess that's just the way I am

Spare me please! A candidate for a Yuk Yuk Award indeed.
I smell a troll. I've seen this nonsense many times.

[Dodger]

Not really I think. Of course that would have made it unlikely I would ever have met my boyfriend, as I don't frequent that industry at all.

It was just to point out that they are very unlikely to master the hilarious methods you just described. I am dead certain other less convoluted and time consuming methods do exist to pull one on me :)

As I mentioned, it was just a thought and I'm sure this doesn't apply to your situation.

It just always amazes me how intuative these boys can be. Regardless if they work in the industry or not, they all seem to have this ingrained ability to read people. They seem to know what we are thinking and feeling without any apparent glues being provided, and when they sense that the farang they are with is attracted to someone else, they can hone in on this like a NASA radar without you evan hearing the gears turning. Really amazing. On-the-other-hand, they are also Masters of Deception. I don't mean to imply this in the negative sense...it's just a reality. You will never see what they don't want you to see.

[justaguy]

A trend on this thread is obvious now: the OP posts a longish message, kinda/sorta not asking for advice, but simply asking for some kind of feedback. After each and every reply (almost), the OP answers ... either agreeing, disagreeing, but enough to bring others into the thread. But in fact, absolutely nothing has been accomplished other than more 2 cents being applied, driving up the posting numbers, while the original premise has gained net nothing.
Does anyone actually believe this dude, or this story?



.... as well as this board.

I smell a troll. I've seen this nonsense many times.

Yes I agree this reads and smells like a troll. Yet I am not a troll and my OP is 100% truthfully.

[fountainhall]

Hmm, it seems you have not understood my OP at all. The fuck has zero to do with it.
And you misunderstand mine! The "fucks/thank you and goodbye" refer to the time you next meet up.


I am posting this not necessarily to get advice, even though that is appreciated. I am just posting this to see what (if any) reactions I get from generally much older persons.
Well, you have made a pretty good job of trashing the advice/reactions you have received! Still, troll or no, it has made for a good read.

[justaguy]

And you misunderstand mine! The "fucks/thank you and goodbye" refer to the time you next meet up.


Well, you have made a pretty good job of trashing the advice/reactions you have received! Still, troll or no, it has made for a good read.

I responded to:

If you had read the first post correctly, you'd have realised that it is the OP who is confusing fuck with love!

I am not confusing a single fuck with love, the feelings developed AFTER that fuck.

I am not trashing anything here, just trying to clarify stuff that has been mentioned.

Glad to hear it did made a good read, after all isn't that what forums are for :D

[cdnmatt]

there u go again ...u old fossil...filed away somewhere in the boondocks....actually i must have been an incredibly ugly/unloved child...attended Catholic schools and NOT once was I touched...and here I had the hots for half the teachers...


Oh, you went to Catholic school? Now I'm uncertain if I should feel disdain or pity for you.

[cdnmatt]

If you had read the first post correctly, you'd have realised that it is the OP who is confusing fuck with love!

OP = "Opening Post", which would be you.


I am not confusing a single fuck with love, the feelings developed AFTER that fuck.

Ohhhh! So now your excuse has changed from "I'm only human" to "I didn't love him when we fucked, the love developed after". Ok, good to go then I guess. I hope their lovers like Dodger said, and you get taken to the cleaners.

What an idiot.

[justaguy]

OP = "Opening Post", which would be you.



Ohhhh! So now your excuse has changed from "I'm only human" to "I didn't love him when we fucked, the love developed after". Ok, good to go then I guess.

What an idiot.

Hmm calling me an idiot isn't a very nice thing to do. Understanding someone's posts seems to be a problem. To observant readers it would become apparent that the line you quoted first was in fact a quote from another user.

Hint: I responded to: kind of gives it away. Maybe next time I will use the quote function again, so that people like you don't get confused...

As to my excuse, I am not making any excuses, I am just pointing out that love for him did develop later. The only excuse I did make was that at the time of the fuck I was drunk.

What happened after I am not trying to find any excuses for, it is what it is.

I do find it highly amusing how some people on here are holier than thou, and that on a site that centers around the sex for hire scene. With threads about MB prices, and off prices.

I hope you don't mind me finding that a tad hypocritical.

[cdnmatt]

Then tell your existing BF of 12 years that it's over.

Are you really planning to string your BF along in some sort of quasi-relationship, while you chase after his friend? If you do that, what a complete piece of shit you are.

[justaguy]

Then tell your existing BF of 12 years that it's over.

Are you really planning to string your BF along in some sort of quasi-relationship, while you chase after his friend? If you do that, what a complete piece of shit you are.

I have no intention of dumping my boyfriend of 12 years.

I don't know what I am going to do with the other bloke, that's going to have to happen when I'm back in Thailand.

The other bloke seems to believe that this can continue for some time, or to say it in his own words: "I want you love me and love your boyfriend big".

I personally doubt we could continue this without consequences. Even if my boyfriend believes nothing is going on, I'm not sure I could continue the charade and bullshit.

Let's just say I am going to have to handle this fairly quickly. He also goes with us to the beach for a few days, so I might have to do it before that.

[cdnmatt]

The other bloke seems to believe that this can continue for some time, or to say it in his own words: "I want you love me and love your boyfriend big".

It's SE Asia, and you have white skin (I'm assuming). It's not difficult to find people willing to say, "I will love you long time".

Whatever. If what you posted is actually the truth, then you already know what you're going to do, and if you want my personal opinion, you're an asshole for doing it.

Yes, many people have a "mia noi" (little wife) here, but no, they're not generally good friends. That type of activity is kept very discreet.

[justaguy]

I am well aware of the love bollocks. Surprisingly you seem to already know what I'm going to do, even though I am not sure myself.

If you are referring to having sex with the other bloke no matter what, yep that will probably happen at least once.

If I'm an asshole for doing that, fine.

Whether or not I let this continue, that's something I haven't decided yet.

[Tobi]

I love two persons.


Nope. The only person you love is yourself.


Bold statement, based upon what I have written and maybe left out. The quoted statement is 100% accurate.

If you truly love someone, you'd never plan to do something that might hurt them, ever.

[cdnmatt]

You've already said many times exactly what you're going to do. You're going to go cheat on your BF, fuck the other guy, then try to somehow legitmize it as "I'm only human" or "the love only started AFTER I fucked him", or whatever excuse you can come up with.

[justaguy]

No that's not what I am planning to do.

[bucknaway]

Where is the love?

[bucknaway]

Love is. Being faithful.
Love is. Nourishing your relatuonship.
Love is. Building trust.
Love is. Honesty.
Love is. Putting them first.
Love is. Not sucking the dick of the friend of the one you love and secretly growing and nurturing your secret sexual affair.

[dinagam]

Too much love can be intoxicating.

Where is the fun?

[cdnmatt]

Too much love can be intoxicating.

Where is the fun?

Have you ever woken up each morning, and groggingly looked beside you to see someone who you love more than yourself, and then think, "I couldn't be happier?". That's love, and it sure as hell beats a night at the disco.

[justaguy]

Love is. Being faithful.
Love is. Nourishing your relatuonship.
Love is. Building trust.
Love is. Honesty.
Love is. Putting them first.
Love is. Not sucking the dick of the friend of the one you love and secretly growing and nurturing your secret sexual affair.
Yes you are right on all counts. Yet I do love my boyfriend, and always will. It might not be love in your book, it is in mine

[bucknaway]

You love him but you want to fuck his best friend.
You love him but you want to sneak behind his back see his best friend.
You love him but you are growing your feelings for his best friend.

Okay.... your boyfriend is lucky to have a guy like you in his life. What more could he ever want or deserve?

[justaguy]

Yes point taken.

[fountainhall]

I do find it highly amusing how some people on here are holier than thou, and that on a site that centers around the sex for hire scene. With threads about MB prices, and off prices.

I hope you don't mind me finding that a tad hypocritical.
Hypocritical? Oh dear! Where did that little non sequitur come from?

Sure a fair number of posters here and the other gay thailand sites are happy in the gay for pay business. What they are not into is the business of even thinking of getting close to and wanting/planning to again fuck the best friend of the guy who's been their boyfriend and partner for 12 years!

[justaguy]

Hypocritical? Oh dear! Where did that little non sequitur come from?

Sure a fair number of posters here and the other gay thailand sites are happy in the gay for pay business. What they are not into is the business of even thinking of getting close to and wanting/planning to again fuck the best friend of the guy who's been their boyfriend and partner for 12 years!

Oh spare me the melodrama. I am not planning some great conspiracy here, just a bit of sex. I just do it with someone I like instead of uttering the number of whatever boy I want to 'off'

[cdnmatt]

Ok, then do this. Ask your BF, "do I mind if I fuck your best friend?". If he's cool with it, then go right ahead. If not, then stay away.

[justaguy]

I already know the answer to that question. He made that abundantly clear.

You have made me realize that this cannot continue, so I will deal with it once I'm back in bkk.

I leave in the middle if I still have a go at him first.

[francois]

I must admit this has been one of the most provocative post in a long time.
Although the possibility exists that the OP is nothing but a troll having some fun.After all he has shielded his identity by claiming he is a regular poster but does't want to be known.

[justaguy]

I am not a troll, however a simple google search for my other user name (one which I use everywhere) would easily provide a result.

Not that I posted often on here, but I just want to be prudent. Of course an admin on this site can easily see which user I really am, as posting this from the same IP address..

Personally I am a bit surprised at some of the reactions over here. I was expecting more reactions like the one from latin.

Seems being monogamous is a virtue in the gay community nowadays. You learn something new every day I guess.

[cdnmatt]

What? Nobody here has a problem with hookers.

[justaguy]

What? Nobody here has a problem with hookers.

And this has relevance to what exactly ?

[bazzabear]

matt i do think you have a great way of saying things and you are spoy on

[Tobi]

What? Nobody here has a problem with hookers.

I do, 'hookers' is just so déclassé, I much prefer 'demimondaines', svp.

[Dodger]

I for one appreciate the fact that justaguy has been as open and honest as he has in this thread, and don't agree with the concept that to cheat is not to love.

I've only loved one guy since coming out 15 years ago and I cheated on him...got caught...he was hurt...I lost face...we mended and continued on. He cheated on me...got caught...I was hurt...he lost face...we mended and continued on. Does the fact that we both cheated on each other and got caught mean the love we had for each other was not real? Absoluterly not. It meant that we were not perfect, fell to temptation and used poor judgement. If it wasn't for the love we had for each other the relationship would have been un-mendable and would never have survived.

I don't think justaguy is a troll at all...just a guy who's sharing his honest feelings. What surprises me is how many people think that crucifying him for his honesty somehow erases the reality of their own inperfections.

[justaguy]

Thanks dodger. Not only for stating I am not a troll, but also for pointing out that cheating does not automatically mean I would have no love for my real boyfriend, which is definitely not the case.

Having said that, I do realize that what I am currently doing isn't the hallmark of the perfect boyfriend/partner.

Somehow I do have to deal with that. My honest problem is that I do actually care about two people at the same time at this very moment.

There is no question in my mind that I would dump my real boyfriend, but I somehow need to deal with my feelings for the other guy.

If he wasn't the sweet guy that he is, this would indeed have stopped at the drunken encounter back in November.

Fact is, it hasn't, and that's something I do have to deal with. The other bloke seems to believe that this 'arrangement' is a sustainable affair, but I don't think it is.

So I certainly have some work to do on my next holiday, which is in 10 days.

[ggobob]

One option that I don't think has been mentioned: cancel or postpone your trip to Thailand. Let a little time intervene to see if the new passion diminishes.

[justaguy]

That's out od the question. Not only because I really need a vacation, but we also have appointments with people in Buriram, Khon Kaen and back home in Laos.

At the end of the day, I just need to control whatever I feel for the guy.

[Smiles]

I am not a troll
You are. Every touch of the keyboard you make proves it.
But do carry on ... as a troll, that's what you do. It's your job.

[latintopxxx]

I'm completely aghast at the "straight moralistic" propaganda being broadcast on this board. What is this, the soviet unions polit bureau celebrating a successful 5 year agricultural plan while people are starving in red square. ALL of my friends (oh ok...acquaintances) fuck around non-stop. Its almost impossible for two men (yes gays are men too) in a relationship to remain monogamous.....goes against nature...just not right..

[fountainhall]

I for one appreciate the fact that justaguy has been as open and honest as he has in this thread, and don't agree with the concept that to cheat is not to love.

I've only loved one guy since coming out 15 years ago and I cheated on him...got caught...he was hurt...I lost face...we mended and continued on. He cheated on me...got caught...I was hurt...he lost face...we mended and continued on. Does the fact that we both cheated on each other and got caught mean the love we had for each other was not real? Absoluterly not. It meant that we were not perfect, fell to temptation and used poor judgement. If it wasn't for the love we had for each other the relationship would have been un-mendable and would never have survived.
Perfectly fair point. In my first post I pointed out that my friends who have been in long term relationships almost inevitably stray sexually after 5 years or so. Provided they are open about it, the relationships have stood the test of a very long time.

What you and some other posters seem to forget is what I believe to be the key to the question posed by the OP. The second boy in question is not only the best friend of his partner of 12 years - his partner not only knows about it, he is "angry" and he is against it! Knowing that, would you further anger your bf by seeing his best friend again with sex involved? Would you take that risk? Somehow I doubt it.


I am not planning some great conspiracy here, just a bit of sex. I just do it with someone I like instead of uttering the number of whatever boy I want to 'off'
If it was just another guy and just a bit of sex, I certainly would not be writing in this thread. It is the tangled relationship between the 3 and your seeming indifference to the continuing effect on your long-term bf that makes it different. But, hey, it's your life and it's clear you'll do what you want irrespective of any advice/comments made here. And you're clearly happy to live with the consequences. So, apart from giving us all a bit of fun, I fail to understand why you raised the issue in the first place! :D

[Smiles]

' ... So, apart from giving us all a bit of fun, I fail to understand why you raised the issue in the first place! ... '
My point exactly. He's a troll ... making up pure nonsense, then sitting back in the 'puter chair laughing at the nonsense, then writing a plethora of nonsense replies to encourage more nonsense.

The point you make about him 'doing no harm' is quite valid, but it's a quite different question ... i.e. the big-picture as to whether trolls be ripped bodily from the board.
I agree that the discourse on this thread has been interesting, sometimes funny, sometimes heated. So I have no problem with replying 'don't feed the trolls' brigade who DO have a problem], just that we should identify a spade as a spade, then just carry on [with the nonsense ;) ].

[oldfarang]

Personally I am a bit surprised at some of the reactions over here. I was expecting more reactions like the one from latin.

Seems being monogamous is a virtue in the gay community nowadays. You learn something new every day I guess.

So wrong, most posters here have made it clear that they have a problem with the fact that you are playing with feelings and emotions, just to satisfy your dicks needs.
Most posters here and most gays have no problems with third party sex, but it should just be sex.

Besides that, there are a few times you say different things, almost a 180 turn, depending on the post you respond to, or you are just so fucked up at the moment that you change you point of view during the short moments of clarity.

[justaguy]

My point exactly. He's a troll ... making up pure nonsense, then sitting back in the 'puter chair laughing at the nonsense, then writing a plethora of nonsense replies to encourage more nonsense.

The point you make about him 'doing no harm' is quite valid, but it's a quite different question ... i.e. the big-picture as to whether trolls be ripped bodily from the board.
I agree that the discourse on this thread has been interesting, sometimes funny, sometimes heated. So I have no problem with replying 'don't feed the trolls' brigade who DO have a problem], just that we should identify a spade as a spade, then just carry on [with the nonsense ;) ].

No nonsense can be found in the OP dear chap. I know you want to see it as nonsense, but it isn't.

[fountainhall]

I know you want to see it as nonsense, but it isn't.
The nonsense is in having posted the "story" on the first place. It's been a good laugh but now it has become tedious. Do your own thing - which you always intended in the first place. Thereafter you might wish to post the results :D

[cdnmatt]

If what he posted is the truth, I'm pretty sure we all know what the results will be.

Have fun anonymous "justaguy". They're not quite as stupid as you seem to be taking them for.

I hope you get taken to the cleaners, because you deserve it. And from what you've posted, you're stupid enough to have it happen to you.

Seriously, how do you believe this will work out? Your current plan is to fly over to Asia, fuck your BFs best friend, and then you're not really sure about the rest, but are confident you'll walk away unscathed. Yeah... that's not going to happen. Enjoy though!

[justaguy]

Taken to the cleaners ? In what way exactly. You do realize not all people around here are mere gold diggers. Not everyone over here is trying to extort money away from some gullible foreigner.

You should give me some credit, I am not stupid, been there and done that. I know a shitload of bargirls whom are good friends, so I know all about the antics and tricks they do get up to.


I already fucked my BF's best friend, so one could say that station has passed.

I don't believe this will work out, as I stated only a few posts ago, in the very same post I stated I am going to deal with it.

All I need to figure out is how and when, I will deal with it as I go along, trying to hurt no-one in the process.

I don't get it, a fuck here or there and some people act as if I am some kind of monster. Definitely not the sort of reactions I was expecting on this site, considering the target audience...

[cdnmatt]

I don't get it, a fuck here or there and some people act as if I am some kind of monster. Definitely not the sort of reactions I was expecting on this site, considering the target audience...

There's a difference. For example, sometimes I will say, "hey dude, I'm never going to love you, but I think you have a great ass, and I have 1500 baht in my wallet, so what do you think?". That's fine, because we both know what we're getting involved with from the beginning.

You on the other hand are fucking with people's hearts, which you really shouldn't do. I know you're going to do it anyway, but you really shouldn't. Again, I hope you get burned out of the ordeal.

[justaguy]

So wrong, most posters here have made it clear that they have a problem with the fact that you are playing with feelings and emotions, just to satisfy your dicks needs.
Most posters here and most gays have no problems with third party sex, but it should just be sex.

Besides that, there are a few times you say different things, almost a 180 turn, depending on the post you respond to, or you are just so fucked up at the moment that you change you point of view during the short moments of clarity.

There is no such thing as third party sex without feelings. So now it would appear that if I wouldn't have any feelings for the guy, having sex with him would be 'okay'. Do you have any idea how lame and unbelievable that sounds. Talk about excuses.

Sex always comes with feelings, if not, you might as well just have a wank..

[justaguy]

There's a difference. For example, sometimes I will say, "hey dude, I'm never going to love you, but I think you have a great ass, and I have 1500 baht in my wallet, so what do you think?". That's fine, because we both know what we're getting involved with from the beginning.

You on the other hand are fucking with people's hearts, which you really shouldn't do. I know you're going to do it anyway, but you really shouldn't. Again, I hope you get burned out of the ordeal.

Aha now I get it. Paying for sex is perfectly fine, whilst wanting to fuck someone because you care about the person is not ok.

I can't believe you just said that. The only thing that is wrong here is the fact that I already have a partner. The other bloke likewise knows full well what he is getting into.

[cdnmatt]

The only thing that is wrong here is the fact that I already have a partner.

Exactly. You seem to be too stupid to figure that little fact out though.

[justaguy]

Exactly. You seem to be too stupid to figure that little fact out though.

Considering the line you just quoted, it is clear I am not too stupid to figure that one out.

Again, I think you are vastly underestimating me. No problem, happens occasionally mostly by people who don't know me at all :)

[fountainhall]

Again, I think you are vastly underestimating me. No problem, happens occasionally mostly by people who don't know me at all :)
For once you have hit the nail right slap bang on the head! You have deliberately disguised your usual identity on this board. So you are correct, we really don't know anything about you at all. How could we? But the more you twist and turn, the more clues you are giving outhttp://www.sherv.net/cm/emo/happy/rolling-on-the-floor-laughing-smiley-emoticon.gif

[justaguy]

Well, even if you would know my real handle, you still wouldn't know me. That's usually a hallmark of an internet forum frequented by anonymous people....

Me using a different username is not exactly to hide my identity for people on this board, you don't know me anyway. I am worried about people that do know me, and know what username I would normally use.

One would have thought that to be very obvious..

[Smiles]

" ... Me using a different username is not exactly to hide my identity for people on this board, you don't know me anyway. I am worried about people that do know me, and know what username I would normally use. One would have thought that to be very obvious ... "
Not at all obvious. Actually, one would think it much more likely that you are quite paranoid**.
____________________________________________

** 'Par-i-noyd': on message boards, one of the quintessential characteristics of a troll.

[cdnmatt]

Again, I think you are vastly underestimating me.

And there's a good chance you're vastly underestimating them, as Dodger previously pointed out. Many people here grow up on mere sustenance, and when you grow up like that, guess what happens? You become very street smart and intuitive. They might be poor, but they're not stupid.

And if you knew anything about the culture here, you'd know what you're about to do is a really bad idea. I mean, ending a relationship in the West by cheating on someone's best friend is a really shitty thing to do, but here, that's magnified 10 fold.

Again, I hope you get taken to the cleaners.

[Smiles]

And there's a good chance you're vastly underestimating them, as Dodger previously pointed out. Many people here grow up on mere sustenance, and when you grow up like that, guess what happens?
Hey, trolls can be really funny sometimes. Let's hope the OP likes MOO.

https://www.youtube-nocookie.com/embed/k1bG2EPGmI0?autoplay=1&vq=hd720&rel=0&showinfo=0&s tart=82&end=321

[justaguy]

Not at all obvious. Actually, one would think it much more likely that you are quite paranoid**.
____________________________________________

** 'Par-i-noyd': on message boards, one of the quintessential characteristics of a troll.

Not paranoid at all, just appreciate my privacy. I can tell you a thing or two about that, as that is my line of business.

If I am a troll, why do you keep feeding me ?

I tell you why, I am not a troll, period.

[justaguy]

And there's a good chance you're vastly underestimating them, as Dodger previously pointed out. Many people here grow up on mere sustenance, and when you grow up like that, guess what happens? You become very street smart and intuitive. They might be poor, but they're not stupid.

And if you knew anything about the culture here, you'd know what you're about to do is a really bad idea. I mean, ending a relationship in the West by cheating on someone's best friend is a really shitty thing to do, but here, that's magnified 10 fold.

Again, I hope you get taken to the cleaners.

I am not underestimating anyone, but I do know 100% sure that as dodger suggested, this is staged is not the case. What you suggested (after the fact, they are trying to set me up) is also 100% not the case.


Stop trying to make more of it, the whole accurate story is in the OP, there is nothing more to it.

Spare me the culture, The mai noi system does exist for a reason, and is probably more common than you think. I know many many Thais, from all walks of life, and what I am potentially going to do is hardly outstanding...

By the way, never have I claimed I would be ending my relationship with my boyfriend.

I guess the rub lies in cheating with someone's best friend, where I stand, that lies on the other bloke not me.

Finally, don't worry, estimation or not, there is no chance in hell I would be taken to the cleaners, and not only because there is no opportunity to do so, but because the persons involved are not the type..

[bucknaway]

And your boyfriend thought you were not the type to have an affair with his best friend. Hope he does not take for granted that you won't make a play for his father, uncle or brother....

[justaguy]

I wouldn't dare bucky.

It is what it is, no need for the drama.

[bucknaway]

My point is that after 12 years your bf learned something new about your character and values and you are telling everyone you know the character and values of your mate.

Just seems there is room for irony....😋

[justaguy]

Yes he learned that when drunk, I sleep with his friend. He accepted it at the time.

Your last sentence leaves me wondering whom you are referring to. If you are suggesting I might learn something new about my bf's values and character, I might. Not what some are suggesting, evil he is not.

[bucknaway]

I would think my bf sleeping with my best friend was an act of evil. Drunk.... uh, ok.... I don't know cause I use to use drinking as an excuse to do what i wanted to do with little repercussion.

[justaguy]

I would think my bf sleeping with my best friend was an act of evil. Drunk.... uh, ok.... I don't know cause I use to use drinking as an excuse to do what i wanted to do with little repercussion.

I guess this is where we disagree, I don't see it as an act of evil. And yes, whilst being drunk is no excuse, it is well known that alcohol removes barriers. I doubt I would have done it being sober.

[bucknaway]

Um, you were sober after and now you say you have to end it....... I guess all this drama is above my pay grade

[justaguy]

I slept only once, not when I was sober. Pretty simple really.

[justaguy]

Hmm seems too much time has gone by, so cannot edit my post.

So some people asked for updates, well we decided to indeed sleep together on the first day of arrival, so that one is ticked.

He also asked me to meet his brother, which is the only member of the family that actually knows he is gay.

Interesting times ahead I would think.

Oh, may I use this opportunity to ask for some accommodation advice ?

Obviously my apartment is out of the question, and his room includes a room mate, that would be there around the times that are feasible for the both of us.

So I need a room somewhere. Not too expensive, close to BTS, and no nonsense about charging more because I check in with an Asian (the Asia hotel at Ratchatiwi once pulled that stunt, even though we are in a registered partnership !).

I presume somewhere on Silom would do, or maybe near surasak bts on Sathon, let's say around 800 baht. Any recommendations fellows ?

[francois]

Now you want recommendations for a room? What next?

[oldfarang]

Obviously my apartment is out of the question, and his room includes a room mate, that would be there around the times that are feasible for the both of us.

Any recommendations fellows ?

Just make a foursome out of it. You might as well have some last fun, before you end up all alone again.

[cdnmatt]

Spare me the culture, The mai noi system does exist for a reason, and is probably more common than you think. I know many many Thais, from all walks of life, and what I am potentially going to do is hardly outstanding...

By the way, never have I claimed I would be ending my relationship with my boyfriend.

You're not looking for a "mia noi", which literally translates to "little wife". Yes, those exist here, and many people have one, especially wealthy white collar folks. However, they're still 100% devoted to their wife & family. Maybe couple times a week they'll go see their "mia noi", whether it's a hotel, or they rent her an apartment, or even buy her a house. This is all done very discreetly with neat excuses like, "I had a business meeting" or "I'm going golfing with my friends", etc.

From what you've posted though, you seem to be looking for a replacement, not a "mia noi". This is fine too. Hey, shit happens, sometimes relationships don't work out, and you need to move on. Nothing wrong with that.

Problem is you're planning to keep your current BF of 12 years on the line, while you chase this other guy. That's what's called being an asshole.

Whether or not you want to believe me is up to you, but I'm telling you, due to the culture here, if you make your current BF feel abandoned, he's not going to take it lightly. More than likely, he'll take it far worse than someone in the West would. And if he doesn't, then he never really loved you in the first place, so hey, doesn't matter I guess.

[fountainhall]

By the way, never have I claimed I would be ending my relationship with my boyfriend.


well we decided to indeed sleep together on the first day of arrival, so that one is ticked.
And when the bf is aware of this, you assume he will stay with you - naturally!

[justaguy]

You're not looking for a "mia noi", which literally translates to "little wife". Yes, those exist here, and many people have one, especially wealthy white collar folks. However, they're still 100% devoted to their wife & family. Maybe couple times a week they'll go see their "mia noi", whether it's a hotel, or they rent her an apartment, or even buy her a house. This is all done very discreetly with neat excuses like, "I had a business meeting" or "I'm going golfing with my friends", etc.

From what you've posted though, you seem to be looking for a replacement, not a "mia noi". This is fine too. Hey, shit happens, sometimes relationships don't work out, and you need to move on. Nothing wrong with that.

Problem is you're planning to keep your current BF of 12 years on the line, while you chase this other guy. That's what's called being an asshole.

Whether or not you want to believe me is up to you, but I'm telling you, due to the culture here, if you make your current BF feel abandoned, he's not going to take it lightly. More than likely, he'll take it far worse than someone in the West would. And if he doesn't, then he never really loved you in the first place, so hey, doesn't matter I guess.

I am not looking for anything really. I know that if my BF becomes aware of this he isn't going to take it lightly. I have every intention to prevent him from becoming aware of this. Just as I have the intention to let the other guy know that we cannot possibly continue this indefinitely.

[justaguy]

Now you want recommendations for a room? What next?

Nothing I guess. There is already a funeral recommendations thread on here in case it goes sour.

[francois]

Ha,Ha! Will keep a lookout for news reports of a farang "falling" from upper floor of hotel in the coming weeks.

[justaguy]

Haha, will avoid high rise hotels. Thanks for the tip.

[Dodger]

You are. Every touch of the keyboard you make proves it.
But do carry on ... as a troll, that's what you do. It's your job.

Dam...I can't believe this one slipped past me...I must be getting old.

[justaguy]

No you're not, I am not a troll, everything I did say in here did actually happen and is happening.

What would it take for me to convince you guys I am not making this up.

I don't really get this, this scenario isn't really all that far fetched.

[Smiles]

OK ... I'll bite.
Below is a copy of a reply I made by PM to another member here on the board a day or so ago. The question on discussion was essentially " ... is this dude a troll? ... "


"... that's how trolls work ... they already are quite aware that almost everyone can only 'guess' about them being, or not being a troll.
I include myself in the ongoing guesstimates. Although I'm sure his thread is a troller, not real, probably a lie ... I have no idea whether I'm absolutely correct (and that's why I say "carry on".) And that's where trolls have their edge.

I vaguely recall on the old Sawatdee that was a thread started very much the same as this one, almost exactly. The topic might not have been the exact same story, but the roll-out of the replies -- lots of them -- went the same way. And the replies of the troll to the replies were very much the same. I can't recall at all the handle of the guy.

One process on this thread makes me very suspicious that his thread is a complete lie [thus making him a complete troll] is that of the time between posts. All his replies are posted within just a few minutes of the the original reply. I.E ... he's sitting in front of his computer for hours just waiting for the next reply ... then immediately answers his take on it.
Who does that?
A troll does that?

On the other hand, I may well be off my rocker

[justaguy]

OK ... I'll bite.
Below is a copy of a reply I made by PM to another member here on the board a day or so ago. The question on discussion was essentially " ... is this dude a troll? ... "

[COLOR=#333333][FONT=arial][/I]

I will sent you a PM...

[cdnmatt]

No reason to think he's a troll. Some guy who fell in love in Thailand, and ended up deciding his friend had a nicer ass.

Doesn't change the fact he's an asshole, but hey, nothing too implausible about it.

[justaguy]

No reason to think he's a troll. Some guy who fell in love in Thailand, and ended up deciding his friend had a nicer ass.

Doesn't change the fact he's an asshole, but hey, nothing too implausible about it.

Nah that's not it. It isn't jut about sex. I know almost impossible to imagine, yet that's the case. By the way it is his dick that is nicer :D

[fountainhall]

I know that if my BF becomes aware of this he isn't going to take it lightly. I have every intention to prevent him from becoming aware of this. Just as I have the intention to let the other guy know that we cannot possibly continue this indefinitely.
Curious! If, as you say, you end up dropping boy wonder #2, don't you think there's a chance he will spill the beans to his best friend, boy wonder #1? In the words of William Congreve -


"Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned, Nor hell a fury like a woman scorned"

[justaguy]

Curious! If, as you say, you end up dropping boy wonder #2, don't you think there's a chance he will spill the beans to his best friend, boy wonder #1? In the words of William Congreve -

Oh yeah, although I don't think that will vastly improve his friendship with my boyfriend wouldn't you think ?

I wonder why he gets a free pass here...

[cdnmatt]

Are you actually going under the assumption they haven't already told each other?

And you told me I'm underestimating you. heh.

[francois]

Nah that's not it. It isn't jut about sex. I know almost impossible to imagine, yet that's the case. By the way it is his dick that is nicer :D

Now why didn't you say that in the beginning? Now you are making some sense. :p

[justaguy]

Are you actually going under the assumption they haven't already told each other?

And you told me I'm underestimating you. heh.

Not assumption, fact they haven't told each other. Stop projecting your bar boy experiences on normal people, that doesn't apply here

The first sex of course didn't need to be communicated, as it was in plain view.

[fountainhall]

Not assumption, fact they haven't told each other. Stop projecting your bar boy experiences on normal people, that doesn't apply here.
Now you may be fantasising. The bond of close friendship between two Lao (or Thai or Cambodian) male gay friends (neither of whom may have been near a gay bar) is often a lot thicker than between a faring and an Asian. Once you drop boy wonder #2 I'll be very surprised if your adventures are not somehow communicated to boy wonder #1. Forget western logic in certain situations.

[cdnmatt]

Again, this is assuming this story is true... there's a near certainity they've already discussed this together, and each other knows EXACTLY what's going on.

Two Asians who grew up together and are best friends vs. a farang who visits when he can? Guess where the loyalty lies? He's just too stupid to know it. I'm sure he'll find out in short order though.

[justaguy]

Again, this is assuming this story is true... there's a near certainity they've already discussed this together, and each other knows EXACTLY what's going on.

Two Asians who grew up together and are best friends vs. a farang who visits when he can? Guess where the loyalty lies? He's just too stupid to know it. I'm sure he'll find out in short order though.

Want to make a bet ?

So let me get this straight, One Lao boy who sleeps next to me for the past 7 years and 3 more years most of the year would choose someone he has seen for a few days every year for the past 10 years, and who has slept with his boyfriend in plain view ? Who has nothing at all to offer him in terms of security, or love

Again you seem to disregard the other bloke's actions.

One that is willingly lying to the other one, and I know that for an absolute fact as I have seen the communications from both sides ! (I will leave in the middle how I was able to do so).

One that initiated the contact and intensified it from once every 4-5 days to several times a day each and every day. One that tells me he loves me several times a day, who asked repeatedly to have sex with me, behind his best boyfriend's back. All the while thinking of ways to leave his best boyfriend out of all of this.


What drugs are you on I wonder.

Maybe just maybe, the other bloke actually does like me, or is that too foreign of a concept for you ?

[justaguy]

Now you may be fantasising. The bond of close friendship between two Lao (or Thai or Cambodian) male gay friends (neither of whom may have been near a gay bar) is often a lot thicker than between a faring and an Asian. Once you drop boy wonder #2 I'll be very surprised if your adventures are not somehow communicated to boy wonder #1. Forget western logic in certain situations.

Yes that is certainly a possibility, however don't forget the other boy's actions, it's not like I am the only guilty one here. Also it all depends on how I do drop that relationship.

If he does talk, I guess I indeed will be single again, in that case, so be it.

[fountainhall]

In your Post #113, you ask a question -


What would it take for me to convince you guys I am not making this up.
You can do that quite easily. Take a screen shot of the chats with boy wonder #2, say, 3 weeks ago and another from this week. Then everyone will know for sure that what you have been writing is fact. You can put them on to your computer and then black out names or parts of names and other identifying marks.

Take a leaf out of the late and unlamented poster, Beachlover. In posting a photo of his hotel room in Phnom Penh, he even blacked out his laptop computer, so terrified was he of any form of recognition! He was so desperate for everyone to believe his outrageously fanciful stories of being a rich 20s Australian entrepreneur. But no-one believed his stories and because he posted so much he tripped over his laces a few times! You will surely concede that visual images are far more valuable than thousands of words!

[justaguy]

3643

and just yesterday

3644

3645

Used screenshots from messenger.com the web interface for facebook messenger.

[fountainhall]

I appreciate your posting these.

[cdnmatt]

So let me get this straight, One Lao boy who sleeps next to me for the past 7 years and 3 more years most of the year would choose someone he has seen for a few days every year for the past 10 years

I was going under the assumption they were best friends, because well, that's what you previously said.



Again you seem to disregard the other bloke's actions.

Still doesn't excuse your actions. I mean, if you've actually fallen in love with this new guy, then at the very least, be honest with your BF about it. Simple rule in life -- treat people how you want to be treated.



Maybe just maybe, the other bloke actually does like me, or is that too foreign of a concept for you ?

No problem believing that. I have a list of people lined up who would probably have genuine feelings for me if I wanted them to, but I don't lie to them or string them along.

[Andaman!]

There is a another active threat entitled "Organising a Funeral in Thailand". Justaguy - you are playing a dangerous game fucking both your boyfriend and his best friend. Be careful or maybe you will need someone to organise your funeral sooner than you anticipated. Sooner or later your boyfriend will work out that you are a disingenuous shit.

[justaguy]

Yeah yeah. I noticed that thread already.

Will make this right, no need to get all emotional and call me names.

[justaguy]

I was going under the assumption they were best friends, because well, that's what you previously said.



Yes that's what I said based upon their own words. Of course maybe you missed the part where my boyfriend is NOT in Lao or Thailand but in my home country for the past 10 years ?


Still doesn't excuse your actions. I mean, if you've actually fallen in love with this new guy, then at the very least, be honest with your BF about it. Simple rule in life -- treat people how you want to be treated.

Nowhere do I claim that this excuses my actions in any way. But it IS important in relation to your assumption that they are in this together to pull one on me.

As to being honest, I am working on it as already stated.

[goji]

I would go along with the theory expressed much earlier in the thread that they are quite possibly sharing details of what goes on.
I've seen that before. Different cultural values apply.

[justaguy]

No they are not, end of story.

[goji]

No they are not, end of story.

Donald Rumsfeld missed that one.

There are knowns.
There are known unknowns.
There are unknown unknowns.
There are cases where what is mistakenly considered as a known is actually an unknown.

[justaguy]

Some things simply are known. Not to mention the unlikeliness of the concept. But hey, I guess you know better than me right. Not taking into account the very fact that I slept next to one person for over 12 years, and know the other person for over five. Keep beating the dead horse....

Some people just can't help themselves I guess.

[Brad the Impala]

Some people just can't help themselves I guess.

Isn't this whole thread about exactly that?

[justaguy]

I guess so, but the future might change that...

[lego]

It's a funny thread, that's for sure. I'm mostly with cdnmatt on this one; while the OP knows terms such as "mia noi", he's got no clue whatsoever how it's actually being done (by Thais) and how important, nay, crucial it is to avoid loss of face for all parties involved.

I'm not opposed to having a few drinks too many now and again myself, but this whole "having sex in plain view" opening to the OP's "love" affair is just a bit much. With that I don't mean that I don't believe the story. In fact I do believe it and that's why I have neither respect nor sympathy for the OP. Drunk an asshole, sober an asshole, what's not to love?

[justaguy]

It's a funny thread, that's for sure. I'm mostly with cdnmatt on this one; while the OP knows terms such as "mia noi", he's got no clue whatsoever how it's actually being done (by Thais) and how important, nay, crucial it is to avoid loss of face for all parties involved.

I'm not opposed to having a few drinks too many now and again myself, but this whole "having sex in plain view" opening to the OP's "love" affair is just a bit much. With that I don't mean that I don't believe the story. In fact I do believe it and that's why I have neither respect nor sympathy for the OP. Drunk an asshole, sober an asshole, what's not to love?

I actually do have a clue, culture police. Nowhere did I claim that this concept applies here. You could have guessed that from the "in plain view" part...

Nevertheless, if you strip the bullshit, it IS cheating, end of story.

As to being an asshole, I guess judging someone from a single mistake is easy hey ?

I am not looking for any sympathy, and quite frankly, I don't care that some judgemental stranger doesn't have any respect for me. You don't know me at all..

[Smiles]

... You don't know me at all ...
Of course 'we' know you.
You've gotten what you want; joined the board this March and have already accumulated 54 posts. [Your old posts, on the old board, under a different handle, even if you did some good once, are not now relevant]

[justaguy]

No, you don't know me. As to post count, each reply from a member addressed to me (such as yours) would up that count.

And logically it would, this is a discussion board, a forum, in which I have started a thread and do try to respond to each post that is directly addressed to me, and since this thread has over 130 replies, the 59 posts from me suddenly doesn't sound all that strange.

[fountainhall]

I think we all now get it.

You are indeed a genuine poster and not a phantom.
You have a long-term Lao bf of about 12 years
You are about to enter into a further (deeper?) sexual relationship with his best friend.
You know its wrong, but you can't help yourself.
You realise it might have an effect on your bf if he hears about it, but you don't think he will and you'll handle that if it happens.
You'll make it right in the end.

Good on you! Is there any need for further discussion on an already long thread until after the deed has been done (and of course we are anxious to hear all about it). To drastically misquote Shakespeare's Scottish play: "I go and it is done; my dick invites me. Hear about it not, dear bf, for it would be a deed that summons thee from heaven to hell!" ;)

[justaguy]

That IS a good summary. Will keep you posted about how I do get on.

[justaguy]

Ok, some people did want updates. So here it goes. Today was my first day in bkk and we did make an appointment. Now I was secretly hoping he would stood me up, or would come very late (he has a record of appearing late). Neither happened (well he was 5 minutes late).

Anyway, my plan to break it off have failed. We had sex, and we had some great moments. The appointment would last 4.5 hours, but I was forced to break it off after 2.5.

My true boyfriend smelled the rat, so I hurried back to him with a pretty plausible excuse.

At least he now goes with me when I have my late afternoon drinking session, as he obviously doesn't trust me anymore, and right he is.

As to the in it together bollocks, nope, I told you so.

The other bloke wants to do this again, I am not so sure tbh...

[cdnmatt]

If you had any sense of decency, you'd be honest with your BF, sit him down, and tell him upfront. It'll hurt him, but hurt him less than finding out on his own, which it sounds like he's going to do anyway.

[lego]

justaguy, April Fool's Day aside, you do realize what timezone Bangkok is in, yes?

[cdnmatt]

justaguy, April Fool's Day aside, you do realize what timezone Bangkok is in, yes?

He posted it 4:30pm Thailand time.

Besides timing of posts doesn't mean much. Lots of times I'm up at 3 or 4am.

[justaguy]

justaguy, April Fool's Day aside, you do realize what timezone Bangkok is in, yes?

Yes BKK is +7 gmt. Not sure what the relevance is...

Are you saying people don't have sex in the afternoon ?

By the way, the post was submitted 18.30 thailand time, after my late afternoon drinking session.

[justaguy]

If you had any sense of decency, you'd be honest with your BF, sit him down, and tell him upfront. It'll hurt him, but hurt him less than finding out on his own, which it sounds like he's going to do anyway.

He knows already, he isn't stupid. Last night we went out and after we went to welcome in pattanakarn 16 we went back to our room. The other bloke is lying right next to me as I type this. However, I did keep my dick in my pants this time...

[francois]

However, I did keep my dick in my pants this time...

Be careful, you may just wake up missing your dick!

[justaguy]

Be careful, you may just wake up missing your dick!


Yeah. Latest update is that the other bloke suddenly grew a conscience and told me he hopes in a few months he can forget about me....

Lol

After saying that he messaged me his is hurt. I don't get it, he holds me just a few hours ago, then tells me he wants to forget me, and barely an hour later he tells me he is hurt.

I think I have had enough of the drama now..

[justaguy]

Ok final update, I stopped it.

I saw how my boyfriend was hurt by all of this, and I am done with lying.

So last night I told him everything, and thankfully he forgives me.

The other bloke is now hurt, but I explained to him that I didn't have any other choice.

[cdnmatt]

and thankfully he forgives me.

Don't be stupid. No he doesn't.

Hope the few orgasms were worth it.

[justaguy]

Don't be stupid. No he doesn't.

Hope the few orgasms were worth it.

Bold statement considering you don't know the bloke.

[oldfarang]

I hope he really forgives you, but even if he does, count on being it thrown in your face many times.

I also hope you learned your lesson and you have a lot to do to repair your "real" relationship.

I also hope you now can stop being a stupid fucked up asshole and focus on the important things in life (NOT your dick and ass)

[Surfcrest]

You mentioned you've been in this relationship for the past twelve years and for me we're coming up on 20 years this September. When you have found someone you can spend that many years with, whether you call them your husband, your life partner or just your boyfriend...that's a significant amount of time. This could be the most important relationship of your life looking back someday and yet...it's these indiscretions or events that could have derailed all of that you'll both remember the most, which will define a big part of all those years.

You need only look at Bill and Hillary to recall the most remembered event of their 40 year union.

Surfcrest

[latintopxxx]

no...no...no...sex is not love. Am I the ONLY one who thinks like this...am I the only one who's NOT monogamous?? Both my partner and I fuck around like nymphos on speed and still we only want to be together...certainly dont want want to share life/travel/financial affairs with a third. Feels like I'm in a gay version of the the Rockwell white pocket fence thing reading all the posts above.

[cdnmatt]

You don't understand the concept of lieing to someone you (supposedly) love, or what?

There's a difference here. You and your BF know you fuck around on each other, and are totally cool with it, so kudos to you guys.

This guy on the other hand is in a supposedly monogamous relatioship, and is sleeping with his BFs best friend, while lieing to his BF about it. You don't see the difference?

[latintopxxx]

oh ok....I speed read...couldnt be bothered with all the small type...more than 4 sentences and I'm gone. Now I comprehendo...cya.

[Surfcrest]

Just a reminder latintopxxx, you can always increase the font size for easier reading by holding the Control Ctrl button down and pressing the + key to the desired size. I increase the font size until the blue bars stretches across the entire screen. Some may not need it that big, my reading eyes are bad. You can always adjust it back by pressing the Control Ctrl button down and pressing the - key.

Surfcrest

[justaguy]

You mentioned you've been in this relationship for the past twelve years and for me we're coming up on 20 years this September. When you have found someone you can spend that many years with, whether you call them your husband, your life partner or just your boyfriend...that's a significant amount of time. This could be the most important relationship of your life looking back someday and yet...it's these indiscretions or events that could have derailed all of that you'll both remember the most, which will define a big part of all those years.

You need only look at Bill and Hillary to recall the most remembered event of their 40 year union.

Surfcrest

Yes. Of course what happened back in november could easily be such a moment (at least for my boyfriend).

I think I made the right decision, however I feel miserable (serves me right I guess) and the other bloke apparently feels miserable too.

At least my boyfriends seems a lot more upbeat and happy.

[justaguy]

Final update to this thread. We are now one month further and my boyfriend seems to be his usual self again, upbeat and caring.

The other bloke apparently had it rough, he claims he cried for a week, and refused to even talk to me during that time. When I returned to BKK I managed to talk to him on my second day (about 10 days after the breakup) and since then we talk again. In fact we started chatting again, but now just as friends, so the content of that chat I could easily show my boyfriend without worries.

On my last full evening he even went out party with us, just as before this whole saga. Yes he occasionally post messages on his facebook timeline in which he claims to want to be friends only, yet a few days later proclaims he misses me. I guess that is the way he ticks.

We now chat daily again, but less messages and no I love you or want to sleep with you.

Maybe just maybe this saga does have a happy ending, I might not have deserved it, but it seems it is under control.

I just have to say that I still love the other bloke, and I don't think he will be forgotten anytime soon, chat or no chat. In fact, when I did broke up, he wasn't the only one hurt, by breaking up with him, I have hurt myself too.

Now I want to concentrate on my boyfriend and give him the love and attention he most definitely deserves.

[Brad the Impala]

Revenge is a dish best served cold.

[justaguy]

Revenge is a dish best served cold.

Yeah, of course some persons don't see the point in taking revenge. I have come clean, I told my boyfriend everything, if he didn't want to be with me, he would have stayed in Laos, but he returned to BKK and our country with me, so I don't think that revenge will ever happen.

But what do I know right ? Been with the bloke for over 12 years :)

[oldfarang]

Well good for you, SEEMS all will be OK.

Just keep in mind that it is not over. WHY?

Your BF (12 years) is Asian and Asians eat their emotions away, until they one time explode. It will happen, over something small non-related, maybe next month, year(s).

You should also cut all contact with the other guy, by chat/internet. It will keep his and your feelings intact, while you should get over them, which takes time best done in silence.

Good luck and glad you got such a great understanding BF. He deserves better, so either you get BETTER or set him free.

[justaguy]

Well good for you, SEEMS all will be OK.

Just keep in mind that it is not over. WHY?

Your BF (12 years) is Asian and Asians eat their emotions away, until they one time explode. It will happen, over something small non-related, maybe next month, year(s).

You should also cut all contact with the other guy, by chat/internet. It will keep his and your feelings intact, while you should get over them, which takes time best done in silence.

Good luck and glad you got such a great understanding BF. He deserves better, so either you get BETTER or set him free.

Not all Asians are the same. This particular Asian has never eaten his emotions away, he is more direct in his emotions than many westerners, in fact in that department I am much more Asian than him. The other bloke, yeah typical Asian, including the inability to talk about his emotions. Just half an hour ago, he video called me, we talk and at the end he mentioned the fact that he was so hurt by me, any attempt to talk more about the subject are in vain.

Yes you are right, my boyfriend AND the other bloke deserve better. And I will try to get better for my boyfriend's sake.

I am planning on drastically cut down the contact with the other bloke, even though compared to just one month ago, it is already drastically cut.

[fountainhall]

I have quite enjoyed the way this story has developed, despite my view that justaguy has been playing a somewhat dangerous game with the feelings and emotions of his BF. Yet now, as often in some previous posts, his reasoning is a bit suspect. On the one hand he says this -


Now I want to concentrate on my boyfriend and give him the love and attention he most definitely deserves.
- and in the next post he all but contradicts himself with this -


I am planning on drastically cut down the contact with the other bloke, even though compared to just one month ago, it is already drastically cut.
Forget the moral dilemma crap and all the dramas of the last few weeks. Just ditch the other guy right now! Whyever would you want to keep in touch with him? Makes zero sense after all you have written. I suppose the only reason not to is to give us more episodes of this continuing melodrama in the next few days.

[justaguy]

I ditched the other guy four weeks ago, but fail to see why we can't be friends. Remember, I have been friends with him for five years.

And of course my feelings for him have not magically disappeared. Yesterday he video called me (first time since breakup) and I do know he feels the same.

But we made a deal, no boyfriend bollocks anymore, I intend to keep that promise, let's see if he can do the same. If not there might be another episode this December :)

Joke, not going to go through all that again..

[justaguy]

Time to resurrect this thread again.

Now as I said before, I did ditch the other guy but we remained friends. In fact we have been in contact via messenger each and every day since. Not as boyfriends, but as friends.

That went well for over 4 months (from end of april until now), yes sometimes he would say he loves me but most of the times we just chat about our daily lives.

Now sometimes we do have words and last friday we did. It was all down to me, I said something shitty to him because I was annoyed that he didn't answer quick enough.

So he was pissed at me, long conversation with complaints and what not. I was angry with him, deleted him from facebook but later saw that it was me who was to blame.

Anyway, He changed jobs a few months ago, against my advice. The deal was that he would make the exact same amount of money (8000) but would get two meals at work (he now works at a restaurant around Phayathai). The difference would indeed amount up to around 2500 baht give or take, but for that advantage he needs to work from 8.30 am to 9.30 PM (13 hours !) instead of 16.30-03.00. Quite a huge difference.

Anyway, it was a done deal, and despite my prediction that he would regret it, he just did. So the last three months he has been working at the restaurant, and in the beginning it went ok (at least from appearance) but the last couple of weeks, all he does is complain about being tired, complain about a boss that whinges all day, you can see where this is going.

Anyway after our little fight on friday, he contacts me yesterday, and we talk a bit, I ask him to accept my friend request on facebook (I deleted him friday) and then he flat out refuses. Another fight, I then tell him that I don't want to speak to him anymore but he kept saying he does want to talk to me.

Anyway, I was a bit done with the conversation, wished him a good night, and then he changes the subject to looking for a new job. Ok I thought, let's hear it. So he tells me he talked to a friend that knows of a job in a bar in Pattaya, which would get him 100.000 baht in four monts so he can go back to his family in Laos and start a restaurant (which is a dream he talked about several times).

So I go like, that's 25.000 a month, that's not waiter job, you will have to drop your pants and considering you're 32 already, you not going to make that amount. He goes on and on about, no just a normal waiting job.

Of course I told him again, no my dear friend, not possible, but he kept insisting it was and that he would go next month.

Now he could of course just be winding me up, or even hoping I would give him money to keep him out of that job, but I have no intention of doing that, he isn't my boyfriend anymore.

Having said that, I don't want him doing this, not because he would have sex with other blokes (that never ever was a problem) but just because I know he isn't cut out for this job. It was something he said that was burried in the chat that makes me believe he seriously is considering this "when have no money, I think I can drop"

I already know where this is going, he won't be making anywhere near 25.000 per month, and he simply isn't cut out for the job, he is missing street smarts and he will be taken advantage of right left and center. Not to mention he is already 32, which I suppose isn't the ideal age to be offing a lot of customers (but I might be wrong).

Anyway, I am now trying to think of ways to talk him out of this, maybe you guys can offer some advice ?

[Smiles]

" ... Time to resurrect this thread again."
Can't feel the love here anymore? ... so back to more trolling.
But do carry on, you have at least a few here who seem to take you seriously.


" ... Anyway after our little fight on friday, he contacts me yesterday, and we talk a bit, I ask him to accept my friend request on facebook (I deleted him friday) and then he flat out refuses ... "
So, you are 7 years old, right?


" ... Now he could of course just be winding me up ... "
Ah, familiarity. You certainly should know.

[justaguy]

Can't feel the love here anymore? ... so back to more trolling.
But do carry on, you have at least a few here who seem to take you seriously.


So, you are 7 years old, right?


Ah, familiarity. You certainly should know.

Ah the troll accusation. I wish I was just trolling, but as I said before, all what I said in this thread is the truth.

Just hoping for some advice from people that do not play the troll card.

Thanks anyway.

[justaguy]

Ok, this saga has ended now.

Today I call him, asking him when he comes online. He claims his internet is done, but I know he is on a five day Ais promotion that he topped up on wednesday. So naturallty he should still have internet.

Now I do know most of his friends, and I asked one of his best friends to talk some sense into him. This guy did, and he showed me the chat screen shot from today, a few hours after my phone call.

I don't care for liars, so solved, not my problem anymore :)

[Old git]

Ok, this saga has ended now

Maybe just as well..

You were clearly typing to clear your mind - there were plenty of references to stuff in your posts that made little sense to anyone here, but as it was clearly bugging you, you typed it anyway.

Thing is, gay relationships are rarely loyal and monogamous - the male of the species, be he gay or straight, is programmed by nature to stray, and gays usually have far more sexual partners than their straight contemporaries.

But.. you got into a relationship with someone who gave you girly grief when you got involved with someone who was obviously more than just a mate of your partner.

In my experience that is too much like hard work - a good gay relationship is one where both parties are not afraid to tell each other when they fancy someone else, and one where both parties will permit their partner the occasional fling with another guy without getting hung up over it.

Bad gay relationships are ones dominated by feminine emotions, suspicion and jealously - but hell, they do happen..!

[justaguy]

Maybe just as well..

You were clearly typing to clear your mind - there were plenty of references to stuff in your posts that made little sense to anyone here, but as it was clearly bugging you, you typed it anyway.

Thing is, gay relationships are rarely loyal and monogamous - the male of the species, be he gay or straight, is programmed by nature to stray, and gays usually have far more sexual partners than their straight contemporaries.

But.. you got into a relationship with someone who gave you girly grief when you got involved with someone who was obviously more than just a mate of your partner.

In my experience that is too much like hard work - a good gay relationship is one where both parties are not afraid to tell each other when they fancy someone else, and one where both parties will permit their partner the occasional fling with another guy without getting hung up over it.

Bad gay relationships are ones dominated by feminine emotions, suspicion and jealously - but hell, they do happen..!

Well, not sure if I understand you correctly, I thought my previous post that re-opened the thread was pretty clear.

Anyway, I did eventually managed to talk him out of it. I told him no way he would get 25.000 per month unless he offed at least 15 customers each month. He flat out said he would never go out with customers, as he doesn't like it. So I told him that the best he could hope for is 9000 baht, he now decided to keep his current job. I must say, that I am quite happy with that.

I realize I said that because he lied to me, I didn't care anymore, but that was a little cross. He did ask me if I told anyone, to which I replied "no" :) Unless the other bloke tricked me, he now knows I am not too shy to tell a lie either. But that would be obvious from the thread anyway :D