What rules do you implement for a Thai BF?

[cdnmatt]

Been thinking about this. When you bring a Thai BF in to live with you, what (if any) ground rules do you implement? Are the rules 100% enforced, or there's some lee way given? Been thinking, and I think here's mine.

1.) Never lie to me. I can remember everything you tell me, but there's a good chance you're not going to be able to remember every lie you tell me, so just don't do it, because I'll be very unhappy when I catch you in a lie. Might take me a few weeks to figure it out, but 80%+ chance I'll eventually figure it out if you lie. Besides, I'm pretty open minded, so there's not much you can say that's going to shock me, or that I will be unaccepting of.

2.) No friends allowed at the house. Sorry, Kim ruined that one. If you want to party with your friends, that's totally fine with me as I want you happy, but take it somewhere outside of the house.

3.) Under no circumstances are the dogs allowed on the street. They stay in the yard.

4.) Clean up after yourself. If you make a mess, I don't care, but clean it up. I'm not your mom, nor am I your maid.

5.) You get free shelter, bills, food, clothes, phone, (probably motorbike knowing how things go), and so on. Plus you get a weekly allowance of say 4000 baht, which I think should be fair considering they have a free life and can get a job if they want more money.

I think that's pretty reasonable, no? What are your ground rules?

[colmx]

14 years with my BF now.. and no real rules... except "we don't need rules"
Of course except the "no lies" rule

Main thing that used to annoy me was when his friends/family referred to me as "farang" I used to get to him to point out that the farang has a name... and that they should use it!
And on top of that the "farang" understands enough Thai to know what they were saying abut him too!

[Smiles]

Like Colmx, I also have been a very long time with my old man.

Pot's 48 now and the very concept of 'implementing rules' is long past. I met him when he was 31 so he was a mature and savvy man already. I guess if we had any rule ~ and it was quite a long time before we even discussed it ~ it would be something along the lines of 'honesty-in-everything', but I cannot recall a specific sit-down when we talked formally about even that. I think we both learned the honesty compact by means of a kind of osmosis. After all these years I cannot imagine Pot being dishonest on any level.

Possibly, being in a new relationship with a much younger Thai guy, who had worked in the host bars and gogo bars ~ i.e. "in the business" ~ an 'understanding' about behavior (on both persons part) could be a wise endeavour.
The downside, and unfair side, of the whole process would be if the older farang starts dictating how he expects the Thai to abide 'in-the-life'. That would be a street to nowhere, and would only end badly.

I would like to ban nose-picking, but these cultural icons are hard to stamp out. Averting mine eyes, then rolling them, is the best I can do.

[Oliver]

Colmx's comment about the use of the word "falang" struck a chord. In our twelve years in partnership, I can truthfully report that my overhearing of him using the word to describe me while on his phone to someone I don't know led to our bleakest moments. "How would like to describe you as my Thai-boy?" I said. "No, no, word OK," was his response. I was furious and made sure he knew it- and why.

[cdnmatt]

I don't know, I've never been too bothered when people referred to me as "farang", because it's always been people who either don't know me, or don't want to know me. Kim's dad's village was always the worse -- I don't know what they were saying because they were speaking Laos, but considering the laughter, it wasn't very polite. I always just shrugged it off. Kim's dad's friends didn't know me from a hole in the ground, so what did I care what they think?

Everyone who's ever known me on a personal level has always referred to me by my name though. Then with Kim it was always either "honey", or if he was pissed with me, "Matchew!". That's when I would know I was in trouble. :)

[christianpfc]

I would say if you need such rules, the relationship is doomed from the beginning.

1.) Never lie to me. I have not gotten that far with any boy that this would be important. In general, no problem with lies. Only one boy I remember is a consummate liar.

2.) No friends allowed at the house. Why not? No loud party or TV, but friends would be fine.

3.) Under no circumstances are the dogs allowed on the street. They stay in the yard.I like animals, but I can barely take care of myself. And they make dirt. No animals in my household!

4.) Clean up after yourself. If you make a mess, I don't care, but clean it up. I'm not your mom, nor am I your maid.
Goes without saying. That's how I lost one boyfriend candidate last year. He came back drunk from disco and puked on my bathroom mat, and the following day it was clean so I thought he cleaned it. I was related, until I found he just turned it around.

5.) You get free shelter, bills, food, clothes, phone, (probably motorbike knowing how things go), and so on.
Nothing for free and no allowance. How do you (cdnmatt) get such ideas? I would make up an elaborate scheme to share costs according to our income/wealth.

No smoking, no excessive drinking, no drugs.

No games, no drama. One acquaintance shared his relationship problems with his now ex on social media, he didn't even get to boyfriend candidate status.

Currently my major problem is communication. When I call or Line a boyfriend candidate, I expect an immediate reply. I can understand the occasional delayed reply, but if that is the rule he is out.

[Manforallseasons]

I'm not quite sure that the use of the word "falang" means anything other than foreigner or (non Thai) however Thai people that know me call me by my name first or last name seems what they do, it is fine with me, every Thai I know has nickname just look at their drivers license no way I can pronounce it.......It seems I know many A, O, Beer,Aek etc. I get a kick out of Thai guys that use names like Johnny, Tom or Mike does any Thai actually call eachother by their real name?
As for rules I only had one and it was incomprehensible to a Thai guy (I need my own space and sometimes I need to be alone) concepts totally alien to them.

[cdnmatt]

I would say if you need such rules, the relationship is doomed from the beginning.

I don't really know, but would beg to differ. I think if I would have been a little firmer with Kim, there's a chance we'd still be together. I went into it viewing as a 50/50 relationship though -- our life, our home, our money, etc... and that was obviously a mistake. Then again, if I did try to be firmer, there's a chance within 12 months he would have told me to go fuck myself, and the relationship would have ended a whole lot sooner.


2.) No friends allowed at the house. Why not? No loud party or TV, but friends would be fine.

Because last time I allowed that, I got invaded by 10 ladyboys who wouldn't leave. Wasn't fun.


Nothing for free and no allowance. How do you (cdnmatt) get such ideas?

Depends what type of BF I look for. Someone similar to me -- mid 30s, educated, makes decent money, etc... or a cute 20 year old twink for some fun? If the former, then yeah, nothing free, everything 50/50, etc. If the latter, then I'm not delusional enough to believe they're with me due to pure love. They're looking for remittances and someone to take care of them, which in all honesty is fine with me. I'm happy to provide you with a decent life, but just don't be a dickhead about it. Besides, that's basically how many marriages end up working anyway. Loads of wives out there who don't get a job, and their husbands put them on an allowance.

I really don't even know what I want at the moment, but know I have too much work ahead of me to really care too. I also know the curtain motel is getting pretty mundane. At first it was quite exciting, but now just boring (and expensive). I'd honestly prefer just to hang out at home with a bowl of popcorn and a movie.


Currently my major problem is communication. When I call or Line a boyfriend candidate, I expect an immediate reply. I can understand the occasional delayed reply, but if that is the rule he is out.

Why? I can understand if you're actually in a relationship, living together, and your daily lives depend on each other -- "can you pick up some chicken from the market on your way home" type of thing. But if you're still getting to know each other, why would you feel they're obligated to reply instantly every time you message them?

[francois]

5.) Nothing for free and no allowance. How do you (cdnmatt) get such ideas? I would make up an elaborate scheme to share costs according to our income/wealth.


This is why you will never have a Thai boyfriend.

[Manforallseasons]

Inevitably such rules lead to this:

[cdnmatt]

Yeah, but "true love" many times leads to:

http://cdn.roogirl.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/broken-heart.jpg

And:

http://images.sodahead.com/polls/004324871/370618350_couple_arguing_xlarge.jpeg

And:

http://thumb7.shutterstock.com/display_pic_with_logo/348076/348076,1303221700,1/stock-photo-sad-man-series-75574162.jpg

And if you happen to be the bread winner, this too usually:

https://donmoseslerman.files.wordpress.com/2015/07/broke-man-t.jpg

Not to mention, from my experiences at least, it takes at least 6 months to fully get out of a failed relationship once your lives are that intertwined, and it's usually quite messy and not overly pleasant.

[Smiles]

I'm not quite sure that the use of the word "falang" means anything other than foreigner or (non Thai) however Thai people that know me call me by my name first or last name seems what they do, it is fine with me, every Thai I know has nickname just look at their drivers license no way I can pronounce it.......It seems I know many A, O, Beer,Aek etc. I get a kick out of Thai guys that use names like Johnny, Tom or Mike does any Thai actually call eachother by their real name?
As for rules I only had one and it was incomprehensible to a Thai guy (I need my own space and sometimes I need to be alone) concepts totally alien to them.
My favourite two nicknames over the years are related: 'Dollar' and 'Money' ... both host-bar boys, and both now long disappeared. They never really understood that such handles might well give thought to farang customers that they were being just a tad mercenary.

Good point about needing one's space. Even after all these years together Pot doesn't really get my enjoyment of fleeing to a solitary beach umbrella with a good book about twice a week. The thought of him going down there alone would be beyond the pale.

[christianpfc]

In a relationship between mature adults, I don't think you need rules. Ok, now I see my mistake, "mature adults" does not apply here.


Currently my major problem is communication. When I call or Line a boyfriend candidate, I expect an immediate reply. I can understand the occasional delayed reply, but if that is the rule he is out.
Why? I can understand if you're actually in a relationship, living together, and your daily lives depend on each other -- "can you pick up some chicken from the market on your way home" type of thing. But if you're still getting to know each other, why would you feel they're obligated to reply instantly every time you message them?
It's called mobile phone because you have it with you all the time. But I have a German friend who is similar: phone in back pack or not switched on or whatever, I have to adjust that I can't expect him to pick up when I call him. The point is I only call when it's important, I don't do small talk. In case of Thai boys I message them to set up a meeting, no small talk (unless to check how long they need to reply, so I know for every boy what delays to expect). Maybe I have to adjust to Thai boys as well.

[arsenal]

And here are the rules the Thai bf has for the farang.

1) Have plenty of money.
2) Give plenty of money time.

Eh, that's it.

[Manforallseasons]

Matt I think you already know the answer to you're delema!

[lukylok]

Matt I think you already know the answer to you're delema!

Would that be the " answer to your dilemna ? "

[Manforallseasons]

Matt I think you already know the answer to you're delema!

Would that be the " answer to your dilemna ? "

If I had the same dilemma it would be the same answer.

[francois]

1.)
[i]Nothing for free and no allowance. How do you (cdnmatt) get such ideas? I would make up an elaborate scheme to share costs according to our income/wealth.

This is why you will never have a Thai boyfriend.

For clarification of my above comment, I believe in almost all cases of farang/Thai boyfriend relationships it is most likely that the farang will have to support his Thai partner is some way or the other. This would be especially true if there is a significant age difference.

[goji]

For clarification of my above comment, I believe in almost all cases of farang/Thai boyfriend relationships it is most likely that the farang will have to support his Thai partner is some way or the other. This would be especially true if there is a significant age difference.
Christian is at that age where the age difference would be relatively small, so perhaps there is a chance of a relationship without financial support.

As for the rules, well I would have a no dogs in the house rule & a no-smoking rule. Banning his friends seems a little unreasonable, although I suppose they would need to be banned from stopping overnight unless both you and the BF agree.

[Manforallseasons]

This whole topic has turned into a circle jerk, in the end our Canadian member in Essan will do what suits him. 8-|

[Dodger]

I have no rules that apply to my live-in partners...only rules that apply to me.

FROM LESSONS LEARNED:

Rule # 1. Never expose my emotional vulnerabilities to him. If he says "I love you" just shrug it off and keep playing my guitar.

Rule # 2. Don't expect him to be neat-as-a-pin. He was probably raised by a drunk father and a mother who plucked chickens next to the food bowls.

Rule # 3: Don't get angry when he watches cartoons all day...at least he's naked.

Rule # 4. Never commit any devotion to him beyond the day I'm living. When he tries to pry this from me...just tell him he's thinking too much.

Rule # 5. Always look behind the SMILES and remind myself that the only reality is the SEX.

Rule # 6. Be grateful to him for all he's giving, but don't expect more from him than he's capable of giving.

[loke]

If youre a 60 year old living with a 20ish year old boy I think you don't need rules, all you need is enough money and the boy will follow you anywhere , until your last breath.

And remember we are all farangs here in Thailand. Even locals that lived here for 30 years, I don't mind .

[Dodger]

loke wrote:


If youre a 60 year old living with a 20ish year old boy I think you don't need rules, all you need is enough money and the boy will follow you anywhere , until your last breath.

And remember we are all farangs here in Thailand. Even locals that lived here for 30 years, I don't mind

I agree with what you're saying...with one twist...It doesn't matter to a Thai boy if you're 25 or 85 years old. Regardless of your age, your role in the relationship is that of "Sponsor" simply because you are "Farang".

I know 2 boys who worked at bars in Sunee Plaza who entered into full-time/live-in relationships with 2 young farang. Boy #1 shacked up with a 25 y/o blond-haired Swedish boy and became the envy of his friends who hung around the old Corner Bar. He disappeared for two years, then reappeared on the scene after breaking up with the farang. When I asked him what happened he went on to tell me that the farang stopped giving him money and expected him to work. Boy #2 had a similar story. He left his job at Yaya Bar to elope to Russia with a 27 year old Russian farang - only to return 1 year later with his head hanging down. He told me that the farang gave him spending money...no problem there...but refused to give him the extra money he needed at the end of each month to send to his mother back in Isaan, thus the reason why they broke up.

Rule # 7. No Money - No Honey.

[cdnmatt]

I don't know, but I don't think telling them to get a job if they want more money is necessarily a bad thing. Obviously, this is assuming the farang is a decent person, provides a good life, pays all the bills including food, provides enough of an allowance that allows for at least a somewhat decent life on their own, including help their family a LITTLE, etc. Aside from that, do what every other human on the planet does -- live within your means, or make more money. I don't see a problem with that.

[Manforallseasons]

Matt stop grieving and move on, what the fuck are you asking people on the board for? Grab your balls and just do something because your beginning to sound a bit pathetic. :((

The many stories of woe here bring back memories of this old TV show.

http://youtu.be/0YW-uv3Ibm8

[egel]

I have to been giving my BF 1500 per day while I've been here (approx 2 months).
He gets fed and watered although he does get small things for me.
So am I paying too much?
As an aside after these two months how much has he left....answer nothing.
You couldn't dream it up!

[cdnmatt]

Matt stop grieving and move on, what the fuck are you asking people on the board for? Grab your balls and just do something because your beginning to sound a bit pathetic. :((

I wasn't really grieving, but just trying to provide information for any newcomers floating around. You are right though, and edited.

[Manforallseasons]

I have to been giving my BF 1500 per day while I've been here (approx 2 months).
He gets fed and watered although he does get small things for me.
So am I paying too much?
As an aside after these two months how much has he left....answer nothing.
You couldn't dream it up!

No dream here just total reality the only dream is the one in your head, and yes you want to believe it!

[Dodger]

cdnmatt wrote:


I don't know, but I don't think telling them to get a job if they want more money is necessarily a bad thing.

I don't think its necessarily a bad thing either, especially if you want to part ways with him..LOL.

If you're fortunate enough to meet a guy who is already working, and content with his work, then that's a different story, but the brand of "Sponsor" still applies...at least from all that I've witnessed and been personally exposed to. In the end, it's always the $$money$$ that serves as the bonding agent.

Rule # 8. Don't try to make him something he's not.

[cdnmatt]

I don't think its necessarily a bad thing either, especially if you want to part ways with him..LOL.

But then what do you do? Just flip open your wallet / bank account any time they need money or have a (made-up) problem? From my experience, they're much more skilled at getting money out of us, than we are at keeping it. :)

So there has to be some boundaries somewhere there, no?

[Dodger]

cdnmatt wrote:


So there has to be some boundaries somewhere there, no?

I know for me there has to be.

The only boundary I have is my budget.

I stay within my budget for "boy fun" regardless if I have a live-in partner or running around on the town as a butterfly. Granted, I've spent way too much money on "boy fun" since discovering Thailand, but wouldn't change it for the world.

[cdnmatt]

Exactly. So what do you do when you have a live-in BF for 6+ months say? Obviously, we're the sponsor, and we know that. Do you put down strict guidelines for an allowance, or just play it by ear, and let your emotions take you for a journey?

There's no right or wrong answer there, and up to the individual.

[roguebear]

BF and I have a lot in common and we are very compatible so haven't needed any rules per se, but we do have our understandings. He is starting to grasp the idea of alone time, but I am the one to initiate. When he works it is manual labor, 9 hour days, 6 and sometimes 7 days a week paying 300 Baht per day. We are only able to spend a month per year together right now so I sure don't want him working while I am there. I asked him if he would like to work for me. The job is to be available to travel for the month when I visit and to study English a little bit each day. He can work or do whatever he wants the other 11 months. The job pays 300 Baht per day, paid once a month and he gets a little overtime when I visit. He accepted my offer and we are in year 2 with no problems. He likes to work so he does work most of the 11 months I am not there. He now has money to take care of himself and works to send money to the family. Before he was not taking very good care of himself because he was sending as much as he could to the family. The only hassle for him is finding a job when I leave.

[Tobi]

So am I paying too much?

Nah.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/newsbeat/article/3 ... ing-to-app (http://www.bbc.co.uk/newsbeat/article/35521859/a-quarter-of-a-million-uk-students-now-using-sugar-daddies-according-to-app)

[francois]

The job pays 300 Baht per day, paid once a month and he gets a little overtime when I visit.

At that rate my BF would quit that job with me. :))

[Dodger]

cdnmatt wrote:


So what do you do when you have a live-in BF for 6+ months say?

I've only had one partner who lived with me for more than 6 months. In the early days (first 2 or 3 years) I would give him 1,000 baht/day. As time rolled on this daily allowance stuff stopped and we started planning by the month with plans to build a house together. We were together most of the time and of course I paid for everything plus we sent his mom 10,000 baht every month to help make life a bit easier for his family up on the farm. A few more years passed and the house was built. If we were still together I guess things regarding money would be pretty much the same.

I think the important thing is to realize that their mission in life is to have "good face" with the family, and helping to support their parents financially is just ingrained in them. In the West...two people meet...fall in love...form a relationship...and begin building a life for themselves as a couple. In Thai culture building a better life for the parents is always paramount. That's what can get expensive if not controlled. Either that, or find an orphan.

[Manforallseasons]

" I think the important thing is to realize that their mission in life is to have"(guote Dodger) a falang with access to this.

[sjaak327]

I find this thread a bit hilarious to be honest. Providing you guys aren't living together with a teenager, one would expect the subject being a relationship between adults.

I can only say that I personally am in a relationship with a Lao boy (does that count, I think it does, as the cultural differences aren't that great) for 12 years now.

Now the past 6.5 years we have been living together in the Netherlands. and we both have a paying job.

In our household there are no rules as such. Yes there are chores we need to do. And it might come as a surprise, but it is me who tries to get away from those chores, not him. So if anyone actually needs rules to be enforced, I think it might be me, not my boyfriend. Having said that, I often do those household chores anyway.

I guess maybe the one rule that applies is being faithful to each other, and again it is me who has been breaking that rule pretty recently. For which I am partially sorry.

In any case, rules in a relationship shouldn't be needed, unless you indeed date a teenager. Luckily my boyfriend is only 5.5 years younger than me, so hardly a teenager.

[Dodger]

jaak327 wrote:


I find this thread a bit hilarious to be honest. Providing you guys aren't living together with a teenager, one would expect the subject being a relationship between adults.

Who in the hell comes to Thailand to have a relationship with an adult...LOL...just kidding (kind of).

The average age gap in a farang/Thai boy relationship is probably somewhere around 30 years..at least from what I've observed, which ushers in a whole host of challenges that are not present in relationships between two adults of similar age regardless of the cultural differences.

If I embarked in a relationship with a guy my age (60 y/O), (which doesn't interest me in the least), I would fully expect that he would be working...paying half the bills...and remaining faithful, although at that point I really wouldn't care.

[loke]

I have to been giving my BF 1500 per day while I've been here (approx 2 months).
He gets fed and watered although he does get small things for me.
So am I paying too much?
As an aside after these two months how much has he left....answer nothing.
You couldn't dream it up!

1500 baht per day ? So that's around 45k per month . Up to you of course , but its a nice salary here in Thailand.

That's probably why I prefer to stay single in Thailand, I would never want to live a life like that myself . Instead I'll spend my money on boys if I need company for the night. I'm a butterfly anyway .

Also I am not rich so couldn't afford it anyway lol-.

[latintopxxx]

why buy the cow when one can buy milk by the litre???

[Tobi]

Um... because some of us want to nibble a bit of prime beef?!

[cdnmatt]

why buy the cow when one can buy milk by the litre???

Because sex generally sucks like that, not to mention is more expensive. You're getting about 1/10th of the quality for about 3 times the cost.

Give you an example. There's one guy I see on a regular basis, he's 1500 baht each time, we've only gone to a curtain motel so far, and the sex simply sucks. Not saying he's not good at it, because I'm certain he is, but it's just neither of us are into it.

In comparison, Kim was only 300/day for the last 6+ months of our relationship, and the sex was amazing. I didn't even have to do anything. Just went to sleep, he'd show up in bed later, usually fueled on whiskey. Next thing I know I'm being woken up to him spooning me, and licking my neck, and off he goes for an hour. Was great.

Now take the regular I'm seeing now. I'm just beginning to think I like & trust him enough to let him know where I live, as it's been months now, and I probably will sometime in the future. No chance of a relationship, and I've made that clear, which he's fine with. Now watch, if I begin having him come here, we cook a nice dinner together, have a couple drinks, nice music going, play with the dogs a little, nice comfortable environment, etc... I bet the quality of sex increases 10 fold. Not to mention, also a chance he'll want to see me more often, meaning the tip will get dropped to 1000 baht.

So if it works out like that, it means right now it's 2200 baht for an hour of shitty sex (and some good cuddling) in a curtain motel, or a little food + 1000 baht for a full evening of good times with a nice guy, plus great sex at the end. I think I'll go with the latter.

[Manforallseasons]

Nice to see Matt you've finally made a decision.

[Dodger]

cdnmatt wrore:


Because sex generally sucks like that, not to mention is more expensive. You're getting about 1/10th of the quality for about 3 times the cost.

Agree.

Sex with the live-in partners I've had was great...much better than bar boy sex...and less than half the overall cost.

I thrive on romance. I can't help it. It's just the way I am. Even if it's make-pretend it beats the alternative. Getting to know where each others buttons are hidden usually takes more time than a 1 hour short time with a bar boy. The sex isn't as rehearsed...more spontaneous...more time to enjoy intimacy and foreplay...resulting in HOTTER and more frequent sex. Switching between live-in partners provides the variety I enjoy as well, without getting tangled in any webs..been there-done that!.

[roguebear]

I bet the quality of sex increases 10 fold. Not to mention, also a chance he'll want to see me more often, meaning the tip will get dropped to 1000 baht.
Sorry Matt, but I don't think it works quite that way. I bet if the tip drops to 1000 Baht the quality of sex will definitely not increase. Once you pay 1500 you are stuck and the only direction it can go from there is up.

[cdnmatt]

Switching between live-in partners provides the variety I enjoy as well, without getting tangled in any webs..been there-done that!.

How do you switch between live-in partners? Are you by chance back in the US in between partners, so by the time you're back in Thailand the previous one has forgotten about you, and moved on? Otherwise, I can't see how that would easily work. Have a live-in for say 3 months, then one morning wake up and basically tell him (politely), "well, I'm spent, and going to go find someone new. there's the door, was nice knowing you". It's not like they're just going to accept it, and leave you alone.




I bet the quality of sex increases 10 fold. Not to mention, also a chance he'll want to see me more often, meaning the tip will get dropped to 1000 baht.
Sorry Matt, but I don't think it works quite that way. I bet if the tip drops to 1000 Baht the quality of sex will definitely not increase. Once you pay 1500 you are stuck and the only direction it can go from there is up.

Wanna bet? He already voluntarily dropped himself from 2000 to 1500, because I told him I can't see him as it was too expensive. I bet right now if I gave him the choice of 2 times/week @ 1500 or 3 times/week @ 1000, he'd go for the 3 times/week option. Obviously he wants his money, but you can tell he's also looking for companionship, as he seems quite lonely, and we get along pretty decently. If given the choice, bet he'd go for the same weekly pay but more time spent together option. Especially if that time was spent at my place with a freshly home cooked dinner, couple beers, couple cool dogs, etc. Beats sitting in his room by himself.

Nonetheless, I'm sure I'll keep him at 1500. Don't think I want to see him 3 times/week anyway. Twice is more than enough. Three would just get to be mundane and boring.

Best part is we've both made it very clear we don't love each other, and aren't looking for a relationship. So that alleviates a lot of problems. He just calls me his "big brother", which is fine with me. Call me whatever you want, but keep it friendly business, and don't come to me with problems that you need 20,000 urgently due to some famiy problem.

[Manforallseasons]

https://youtu.be/oGpFcHTxjZs

[latintopxxx]

cdmatt, maybe if I lived in Thailand I would go for the live in option, but it would have to be a totally open arrangement as I find it impossible not to have sex with random guys.
I already have a partner, have had him for the last 18 years, guess its called love, I never tire of his company but i certainly dont want to have 1 on 1 sex with him only. Sure we do it...but in my case variety is the spice in life.
When in Thailand usually do minimum 1 new MB a day, very often its 2. I usually book short time which is a 3 hour session, and I make full use of my time. If I had a live in MB it would not last...I would like be so bored climbing onto the same arse day after day.
Back home we (thats my partner & me) do have a live in fuck, he's a uni student and basically trades his arse for accomodation. I get a high having access to him whenever I want...but a week can go by and I dont even touch him....and some days I'll fuck him 4 times.

[Dodger]

cdnmatt wrote:


How do you switch between live-in partners?

By using the same tactics they use when they switch between us, i.e., Never get caught being deceptive ...just master the Art of Discretion.

I've made every mistake that a farang could possibly make with a Thai boy in the past, e.g., gold bracelets, mobiles, falling in love, marriage, honeymoons, house building, kneeling on hard floors chanting with monks, etc., and finally came to the realization that all my mistakes were the result of my expectations. Right now I'm content just shacking up with different guys, enjoying the sex and romance, and being a butterfly as a gap fill just for the fun of the variety. I would love to find a Thai boy who I could love who wanted to spend his entire life as my live-in soul mate, but in all reality, I can see myself ending up with a Labrador Retriever.

[Manforallseasons]

[-( https://youtu.be/G7a1TxVV4Bg

[goji]

Back home we (thats my partner & me) do have a live in fuck, he's a uni student and basically trades his arse for accomodation. I get a high having access to him whenever I want...but a week can go by and I dont even touch him....and some days I'll fuck him 4 times.

How do you find that kind of pleasant arrangement ? I can't find anyone after that at our local university, although it is hardly the type of rental package I can post on the University website.

[Tobi]

How do you find that kind of pleasant arrangement ?

http://www.houseboy.com/

[latintopxxx]

this one I hooked up with on grindr, he turned out to be an international student living on a tight budget so arranging it was real easy. he's not the 1st and will not be the last.

[bidreamer]

The first rule of the OP was'no lies' or something like that... Sounds good, but really, does it ever work this way? At least I have come to the conclusion that I cannot trust my bf to be 100% honest with me. So far I haven't caught him at something really bad, it's mostly sort of white lies and when I ask him why he did not tell me the truth, he looks embarrassed and says 'easier this way' or 'l worry you angry'. Maybe I am generalizing, but it seems telling half-truths or a make-up story comes naturally to thais. They seem to do it to each other a lot.

So should I break up with him or just take things he says with a grain of salt... But then, how many of us are 100% honest with the thai guys about everything? I think not many...

[Yraen]

Maybe I am generalizing, but it seems telling half-truths or a make-up story comes naturally to thais. They seem to do it to each other a lot.
So should I break up with him or just take things he says with a grain of salt... But then, how many of us are 100% honest with the thai guys about everything? I think not many...

bidreamer, it seems to me that you are both wrong and right. Everyone, of whatever nationality, indulges in "white lies" as a means of providing "lubricant" on the train-line of sociability. With Thai, that is of ever greater social impact when you consider Kreng Jai. ( I refer you to http://www.thaizer.com/culture-shock/kreng-jai/ for a more complete understanding.)

Not that us non-Thai will really ever understand the nuances of Kreng Jai. But in that context, the answers your bf gave you blend right in. He was avoiding situations where he may cause harm to you by making you angry and thereby cause you to be offended or to "lose face".

My suggestion: Just relax and enjoy his company. You may find find that you need more than a grain of salt :D but that is the Western v Thai culture shock.
Our Thai partners understand that we are "farang" and they cut us a lot of slack for not understanding Thai ways and customs, and for being set in our western ways *-:) *-:) . As visitors in their country. should we not give them the same consideration?

[bidreamer]

Yraen,
Yes, that's exactly what I am doing, enjoying his company and messaging while away, so the "rule #1" does not apply! Initially I was a little disappointed, though, because he's so smooth and believable with it. But now I just say "sure!" and I think he gets from my tone of voice if I believed him or not.

[cdnmatt]

Yrraen,

There's a bit of a difference though, no? For example:

Lie #1 -- A mini van pulls up to pickup a group of people including yourself. There's 10 seats, and 11 people. You lie and tell someone, "go ahead and take the last seat, as I'm still waiting for a friend", although you're not actually waiting for a friend and wanted that seat. That's an acceptable lie, and would be a form of "kreng jai".

Lie #2 -- "I need 3000 baht for rent, or else I'll be homeless". Thai guy gets 3000, and off to karaoke he goes with his friends. Unacceptable lie. That's not "kreng jai" -- that's just being a manipulative asshole.

EDIT: With this whole "kreng jai" stuff, make sure to always put it into perspective, and remember the lens which many (majority?) of Thais view life though. It's a Buddhist society, so this is just one of their many lives. Basically take life as it comes, never want for anything, and be as good of a person as possible with hopes of being reincarnated into something better, and eventually reach Nirvana. Ok, that's quite simplified, but basically how it works. Remember that, and all of a sudden lots of things Thai people do that leave you scratching your head all of a sudden make sense.

[latintopxxx]

on the issue os saving face I fully agree, in Thailand this seems o be really really ultra important. Lots of little lies are told to lubricate life and wish away situations which could cause the loss of face. Thai's will put up with a lot in private but in public their image counts for a lot.

[Manforallseasons]

https://youtu.be/S1A0p0F_iH8

[bidreamer]

Well, the lies...for me the culture difference thing is that when thais interact it is my impression that they don't even expect to hear the real story, but a heavily customized version. Everybody knows it and plays along. Whereas at least in the part of Europe I come from, people would be annoyed to find out the actual story and feel that they are being taken for a fool. So for me the cultural adjustment part is to play along but at the same time not to give the impression of a stupid farang who can be made to believe anything. Well I don't realy know if I am succeeding...probably not.

The saving face thing, while certainly important, is not an explanation for everything. Sometimes it is just own conveniece, a lie doesn't lead (or so one hopes) to explanations and stuff. So for example, when I ask how his week has been, he always tells its boring, just work in hair salon and room (and he really does not like to party). But then I discover that he's actually taken the train to visit his friend in Laos.... I already know about that friend, so I ask' why you not tell me you go to see him....he says 'easier if I not tell'. And I don't even care what they do together, I fuck around a bit myself. So, cdnmatt, is it a 'gray' lie?

[cdnmatt]

So, cdnmatt, is it a 'gray' lie?

No, that's just a straight up lie and something I wouldn't tolerate. There's absolutely no legitimate reason for him to lie to you about going to Laos for a few days to visit a friend. More than likely, either he doesn't respect you, or you make him feel insecure. If that was me, I'd do something to rectify it. Either get pissed off and tell him to show me the same respect I show him, or let him know I am actually there for him, he can trust me, tell me anything and I won't get mad, but never lie to me.

Do you know how many times I got chewed out due to percieved lies? So how does this work? Thai guys are allowed to lie to our faces due to "cultural differences", but if we're ever caught in a lie, we get chewed out to no end? Not likely... honesty is a two-way street.

Then obviously, in every relationship there's those times when if you don't want to know the answer, don't ask the question. That comes into play quite a bit too, especially Thai-Farang relationships. I know I've done it quite a few times in the past. Nonetheless, if I ask a question, I expect the truth. Especially if it's someone I'm involved with, because then it impacts my life personally too.

[lego]

What a silly thread title, and then the usual drivel reminiscing Kim! Either the guy is a live-in house boy, then there can and should be rules of employment. Or he's a boyfriend, as in the title. Make up your mind, coz with that slaver attitude, you won't need to worry about finding a boyfriend anyway.

Hint: There's quite a broad spectrum between being a total pushover (10 ladyboys move in without your permission) and being a total ass who won't allow any visits by any friends. Extremist attitudes don't mix well with dating someone from another culture, I think that much is clear.