Do the parents know ?

[Jetsam]

Most of the boys and girls in the flesh trade send a great part of the money they earn to their family, very noble indeed. I always wonder, do their parents know that they work in this business, I mean a boy/girl working a regular factory job will not have much money left to send home after paying for housing and food.
Their parents must know that they have some "special" job, or is it just not a big deal how they earn the money, as long as it is send home ?

I can't speak for all bar boys of course but I've visited the parents of two different Go Go Boys and their parents were perectly aware of what their sons did to earn a living. They didn't seem particularly bothered by it.

Indeed one guy I was with tried to persuade his brother to join him in Pattaya and work at a Bar and his parents encouraged him as well. Actually he did stay for a short while in Pattaya but hated it and went home leaving his (gay) brother to carry on supporting the family.

Jon

[Dodger]

I can only echo the same comments as Kun Jon.

I visited the families of two boys, both of whom worked actively in gogo bars. The families of both boys were fully aware of the work they did and never appeared as if they cared at all. They were openly grateful for the time we spent together and the gifts they received during my visits, and smiled widely when the two of us headed back to Sin City together.

I also visited the family of a boy who was (is) a university student was has never worked in the "circuit." His family also knew the motivations behind our relationship and never showed any concern at all. I was the same age as his father which made me extremely uncomfortable, especially when the boy would snuggle up next to me with his hand grasping mine in full view of the family members. Again, no one seemed the least bit concerned...except yours truly.

I came to realize that Thais don't view "Sex" the same way we do in the West. They simply don't elevate the significance of sexual interactions as high on the scale of important things in life as we do. They also seem to be perfectly capable of living in a society that does not discriminate against those with different sexual lifestyles...maybe that's the reason there's no word in the Thai vocabulary for "Gay."

mai pen rai

[Captain Swing]

I'm no expert, on this or any other subject, but based on my six-year relationship with my BF, I think that everybody knows perfectly well what is going on, but, to save face for everyone involved, pretends not to. When I visited my BF's village for the first time he sheepishly told me that he told people that I was his boss ( He has a legit job as a waiter in a hotel.) On later visits I asked him if they really still believed that. He avoided answering directly and I didn't push it. They know me now, and appreciate what I do for him and, indirectly, for them and look forward to my visits. Why risk causing any awkwardness for anyone by asking questions? They know, they know I know they know, and so what? Mai pen rai.

[Mi Cow Chai-old]

When I went to my bf's home in Udon they knew where he worked and who I was. I was welcomed with open arms.

is there really no Thai word for "gay"???

wow, learn something new every day!

Isn't it chawp puchai? Or gay?
Yeah, they always know.

[TrongpaiExpat]

I enjoy your posts, Dodger, but you do have a tendency to over-romanticise. It's the grinding poverty of most barboys' families that makes us farangs so acceptable to them (as potential income providers). Do you really think you would receive such a warm welcome if it was a middle-class boy taking you back to his middle-class family?

Yes, Peter, exactly. The perspective many of you have is just too Pattaya centric, where the money boys are mostly from Issarn and very poor. Venture out side of Pattaya and you can meet and talk to Thai gays in the clubs, saunas and restaurants and you will find many very much in the closet and they are not taking you home to meet the folks.

Many get married and have children. They then frequenet the ever expanding sauna and massage venues of Bangkok.

I also enjoy Dodgers posts.

[PeterUK]

Just to save Dodger from scratching his head in confusion, I wrote what TrongpaiExpat quotes above. I went to edit it, managed to delete it and couldn't be bothered to re-state it.

[dave_tf-old]

To be fair to Dodger, the original post didn't ask about middle-class gay young men, but about working boys. I think we can agree that Dodger might have some level of expertise in that subject. Granted, every guy is different and every situation unique.

I have no great level of expertise in visiting mamma/pappa...but I am pretty certain that there were some white lies told about me/him/us when I was 'up there'. I'd have to say that most of the guys I've known in that line of work were, if not actively trying to keep it a secret, not telling the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

Of course, most of my coterie in my last few trips have been cousins and/or neighbors in Issan. On one Bangkok outing, we all met another Issaner in a music club and I was told in no uncertain terms that facts were being fudged in thier conversation. Didn't want gossip reaching the folks that they were seen 'out on the town' with a reasonably good-looking older farang, I guess.

Just another view.

[Dodger]

Thanks Peter,

For a minute there I thought I was missing a page 1 on this thread...LOL.

I agree with your comments, as most of my adventures have been with the working boys, although, wasn't sure there was a middle-class in LOS. I've been dabbling on that Thailand.Out Gay Website for the past few years and there seems to be a thousand university boys in search of a Sugar Daddy??? I linked up with one of these boys 2 years ago (remember A-Khet?) who I guess one could consider middle-class, and the interaction with his family wan't much different than what I experienced with the two working boys.

Hey Dave TF...where have you been dude? I thought you fell off the planet.

mai pen rai

[dave_tf-old]

Thanks, Dodger...I just about DID fall off the planet a little over a year ago. Where I've been is too boring to tell, but one of the places I haven't been in a while is Thailand. Kind of fun dropping in here from time to time to see what the old (and I mean that respectfully) gang is up to. I always feel better reading an Edith post, for example. Love to ya'll.

This is a question that has intrigued me too.

Being an infrequent visitor, I am not very experienced with the Thais, but whenever I have met a bar boy who speaks reasonable English I have asked them this very question. It ususally leads on from the question about their family and where they come from.

The first boy I asked told me he had come to Patters to work as a waiter in a hotel. A friend had got him a job there but there wasn't enough work, and eventually he had to leave. Another friend then introduced him to the bar owner and he took a job there, where we were chatting.

I asked if his family knew he now worked in a gay bar and with a cheeky smile, a chuckle and a looooong shake of the head he said "NOOOOOOOO....."
He told me he would not tell them and let them think he still worked in the hotel. I asked... "do you not want them to know you work in a bar?" His answer... "NOOOOOOOOO...."

Another bar-boy I spoke to on my most recent visit told me an almost identical story (could this be a 'standard' story to tell falang?) and again said he would not tell his family whare he now worked. I asked if they might guess that he might be working in a bar simply because he was living in Patters. He shrugged and said "maybe", but again insisted he would not be telling them.

On my last visit I met a non bar worker and we spent a couple of days together. When I invited him to stay with me at my hotel he immediately said "yes" and asked where it was. When I told him it was in Sunee he became quite uncomfortable and said he didnt like going to that area. When I asked why he said that people would think he was a bar-boy and he didnt like that. Neither did he like having his ID card checked and kept by the hotel.
Nevertheless he did stay with me in Sunee and we had a very enjoyable couple of days. But he told me that next time I come to visit he would prefer me to stay in another area so he feels more at ease.
As a matter of interest he also took me to his home (in Patters) to meet his family which was a fascinating and nice experience, but not for telling in this thread! Maybe that is for another post.

Conclusions so far?
From my admitedly limited experience, there does seem to be a stigma to working in a gay bar as far as the family are concerned.
It is obvious from the very open way gays behave in LOS there is no stigma to being gay in itself.

Another bar-boy I spoke to on my most recent visit told me an almost identical story (could this be a 'standard' story to tell falang?

Maybe.
Aa (Not his real name) told me the same thing; then, one day, he said he was going to visit his uncle in Chonburi
and asked me to go with him.
I said nothing, just looked at him over my eyebrows-- :8(
Sometimes the silent question gets more answers--
and he told me uncle used to be a go-go--
And so was papa!...
and papa-papa!!
Aa was a third-generation go-go boy!!!
But, of course, the family didn't know a thing about Aa's profession... :scratch:

My last 2 must have known.

or is it normal for farang vistors to sleep in their sons bed?

My last 2 must have known.
or is it normal for farang vistors to sleep in their sons bed?
Yes.
It's what you do there that may not be.