Expats -- How do you handle long-term giks?

[cdnmatt]

For the expats, I'm curious, how do you handle long-term giks? Someone you want to meet on a regular basis, but aren't interested in an actual relationship with?

I'm assuming you have your nice, comfortable house and everything. Then you meet a guy, and for the first few times go to a hotel to get to know each other. After that, what do you do? Do you actually let them come to your house, or?

There's one guy I wouldn't mind letting know where I live, because it sucks at the hotel. You know, there's the hotel, then there's my nice house with 3 bedrrooms, 2 baths, loads of food, couple computers, good wi-fi, TV, playstation, etc. Plus it's just degrading towards him to meet at a hotel. That, and I don't like leaving my dogs alone too long at night. During the day they're fine, but at night they get scared being alone.

Would love to bring people back here, because it would be 10,000 times more comfortable for both of us. But... after Kim, I'm quite wary of that. What happens if we stop seeing each other in 6 months from now, even though I always straight-up tell them I'm not looking for a BF, and only looking for fun? I never lie, so I make it very clear I'm not looking for a BF, but instead just some fun times, and I'm happy to help with money.

Doesn't matter though, if I bring them here, and later on they can't afford rent or food, decent chance they will be at my door banging on my doorbell.

I had a condo a while ago for one guy, but he fucked off on me to Udon Thani, so I ended up breaking the lease and giving up my deposit.

So I'm unsure, for you exapts, how do you deal with long-term giks that you want to come around on a long-term basis, but don't want to become an actual BF with them?

Most of us have more sense than not to live in a condo with security that keeps unwanted visitors at bay. A couple of my friends also have two phones - a cheap phone with a number they give out to boys, and their everyday phone. One even as "time of month" rules - he won't answer his boy phone between the last couple of days and the first few days of the new months - that's when the begging messages come because rent is always due at the beginning of the month

[cdnmatt]

Yeah, but I have two 30kg dogs who I love like my own kids, so condo is out of the question. That's actually the whole reason for the house -- need the gated yard. Besides, rent is only 12,000/month, so why not? I'd be lucky to rent a parking stall in Canada for that.

Guess I could always get a new house in a sub-division that does have 24x7 security, but ehhh... I'm pretty happy and comfortable here.

Can you actually hold a logical conversation cdnmatt? The price of garages outside Thailand is utterly irrelevant

[cdnmatt]

Can you actually hold a logical conversation cdnmatt?

If you can stop being a depressed, queeny bitch, I promise I can hold a logical conversation. :)

[Nirish guy]

So Matt asked a question about good idea to bring guys back to his nice house or not? Kommie answers with "are you crazy why would live in a house and not a condo anyway?" Matt then explains why and adds that at the great price he gets the rent for why WOULDN'T he live in a house, especially with his dogs to think of etc and goes on to give an example of what great value he believes it is it comparison to his home Country rental costs where upon Kommie then throws insults and gets on like a totally objectionable arsehole for no apparent reason when all Matt was doing was taking the time to answer his first question.

Yep, sounds about the norm for Kommie these days. Kommie you should really change your signature to "Why say something without coming across being a total dick to others most of the time these days"

[catawampuscat]

Threads asking for advise usually spin off and get personal.
Nobody listens to advise because they need to learn for themselves and advise is so
often simply bad.
Matt will figure it out in time.
His lifestyle is far from the usual and I imagine only one in a hundred would choose
living in a village, without a boy and only his dogs. It works for Matt and that's all that
matters.
Every git is different, every relationship is different and advise is worthless unless you
respect and value the giver.

[francois]

cdnmatt, my advice is keep your location secret from one and all. After all you have successfully eluded farang who attempted to visit you so why let some gik, as you phrase it, to know the location of your hideaway ? :-$

Tell one gik and the whole gik and gaboddle in Khon Kaen will be at your doorstep.

For me, I have a short-time accommodation for my guests who rarely, if ever, enter the inner-sanctum.

[bkkguy]

Threads asking for advise usually spin off and get personal.

whereas threads asking for advice ...


my guests who rarely, if ever, enter the inner-sanctum

is that a euphemism for you being a top?

bkkguy

[francois]

my guests who rarely, if ever, enter the inner-sanctum

is that a euphemism for you being a top?

bkkguy

Yes, sort of the Holy of Holies!

[Brad the Impala]

His lifestyle is far from the usual and I imagine only one in a hundred would choose
living in a village, without a boy and only his dogs. It works for Matt and that's all that
matters.
Every git is different,

Khon Kaen is a village? That will be news to the 100,000 plus who live there. Although I must agree with you that every git is different, even giks are all different too.

Can you actually hold a logical conversation cdnmatt?
If you can stop being a depressed, queeny bitch, I promise I can hold a logical conversation. :)
No evidence that so far - and I mean since you first joined the Board.

Rant, rate, rave, rave, spew bile
Rave on, NIrish. A logical comparison for cdnmatt to make would be to the cost of a condo in Thailand. The comparison he did make, which is totally illogical, is to a "parking stall" in some other country ie. not even living quarters. Even more irrelevant is that cdnmatt's house is in a substantial provincial (third world) city (as Brad points out) whereas this hypothetical parking stall is most likely in a substantial city and definitely in a first world country.

You have heard of the phrase "comparing apples with oranges" haven't you (even in Northern Ireland)?

[cdnmatt]

It's actually a very logical comparison, and I use it all the time to justify to both, myself and my family why I'm still here. Regardless of where in the world I am, I'm stuck behind the computer working at home.

So for $2000/month in Thailand, I get a nice 3bdrm fully furnished house, huge gated yard, couple cool dogs, loads of great imported food (Norwegian salmon, Australian rib-eye, etc.), great weather all year around, the peacefulness and calmness a Buddhist society brings, sex on tap with gorgeous 22 year olds, etc.

Or I could move to say Vancouver, and spend say $5000/month for a mediocore life in a 1bdrm apartment, no dogs, budget everything, put up with Canadian winters, egotistical idiots running around, etc. Plus it's either in Canada I'm the "gay guy", or here I'm "the farang". Fuck it, I'll go with farang. :)

Guess what I chose? So yes, it's actually a very logical comparison.

Guess what I chose? So yes, it's actually a very logical comparison.In your dreams, cdnmatt, in your dreams. How you must struggle with IF ... THEN ... ELSE

[loke]

I live in a condo with security and I feel safe here and with my friendly neighbors . I will not bring boys here if its only for sex , people I consider friends are welcome but not moneyboys. But if I ever go into a serious relationship again with someome I trust I will bring him here of course.

Regarding phones I have 2 numbers , one for my real friends and business, the other for my gay life and moneyboys. I find it less stressfull this way.

[cdnmatt]

Guess what I chose? So yes, it's actually a very logical comparison.In your dreams, cdnmatt, in your dreams. How you must struggle with IF ... THEN ... ELSE

So where do you live? Are you in Thailand, and just have crazy hours like me? Or are you somewhere like the UK, and wish you could be in Thailand?

Nice jab at software programming btw... although really fucken stupid.

Guess what I chose? So yes, it's actually a very logical comparison.In your dreams, cdnmatt, in your dreams. How you must struggle with IF ... THEN ... ELSE
So where do you live? Are you in Thailand, and just have crazy hours like me? Or are you somewhere like the UK, and wish you could be in Thailand?
Surely the tools you've come up with for Surfcrest can give you the answers to those questions - or so you think - he certainly does

IF you're going to ask about how people behave in Thailand
THEN confine your remarks to Thailand
ELSE appear to be a total wally

[cdnmatt]

What happened?

For a while there, you were actually being a great guy. Being helpful, providing good advice to people, etc.

Now all of a sudden you've reverted into being an asshole again. Drugs are a powerful thing, or what's up?

What happened?

For a while there, you were actually being a great guy. Being helpful, providing good advice to people, etc.

Now all of a sudden you've reverted into being an asshole again. Drugs are a powerful thing, or what's up?
Try googling the word curmudgeon

[christianpfc]

I let everyone come to my room, from boys I just met in Saranrom to boyfriend candidates who might stay a few days (then I discover character faults and get bored, they lose their status as boyfriend candidate and get degraded to fuck buddy and I kick them out). No problems so far, but when one friend told me was going to move into a room on my floor I was scared for a while.

I have only one phone number, no problem with excessive calls. I prefer to write on Line, and most of my friends do so.

I think cdnmatts price comparison is valid. Same applies to me, for the rent of my room I could just rent a parking space for a car in Paris. Or to stay in Thailand (Bangkok in particular): a friend pays as much maintenance fee for his condo as I pay for my room.

[Smiles]

' ... then I discover character faults and get bored ... '
I highly suspect - granted, with little actual proof - that the 'character faults' of the Thai guy which might trigger you to dump him, might well be that the Thai guy has become totally bored with you first.
To me, that would sound a much more likely scenario.

... get degraded to fuck buddy ...I might upgrade a well-performing ONS to fuck buddy but there isn't a level above that from which it is possible to be downgraded

By the way I looked "gik" up having never encountered the term before (having little interest in the Thai language and none in Thai slang); apparently that's what it means - fuck buddy

[christianpfc]

Smiles, I would love to meet you in person so you can form an opinion about my me based not just on reading what I write.
Until then, you just have to believe that a boy whom I call stupid and lazy is stupid and lazy.

...might well be that the Thai guy has become totally bored with you first.
Rather he discovered that I will not take care of him for the rest of his life,
while I discover that he is looking for someone who will take care of him for the rest of his life.

р╕Бр╕┤р╣Кр╕Б g├нk is indeed equivalent to fuck buddy: casual boyfriend/girlfriend ; intimate friend
http://www.thai2english.com/dictionary/1272395.html

My scale (with estimated numbers of people I have sex with for one year in brackets):
boyfriend (0), boyfriend candidate (3), fuck buddy (10), single encounters (50).

Half of the fuck buddies are carried over from previous years,
whereas boyfriend candidates and single encounters are in that year.
Fuck buddy and single encounters often paid, but boyfriend candidate no direct payment for sex.

[Smiles]

... Smiles, I would love to meet you in person ...
No you wouldn't. You would not love me.

[cdnmatt]

I let everyone come to my room, from boys I just met in Saranrom to boyfriend candidates who might stay a few days (then I discover character faults and get bored, they lose their status as boyfriend candidate and get degraded to fuck buddy and I kick them out). No problems so far

I've been screwing around trying to figure out how to phrase this properly, but never works, so this will come across as quite rude, but by no means is it intended that way. Correct me if I'm wrong, but you live in a studio apartment, right? In that case, it's no real surprise that it's not difficult to get rid of them. Who wants to hang out in a studio apartment?

Whereas here, I could easily see them making themselves a little more comfortable and at home than I would prefer. If and when that happens, then what do I do? It would literally take physical violence to get rid of them, and even that's a stupid idea, because they'll just come back with 12 people for revenge.

Hence why so far, nobody gets to know where I live, which sucks. Instead I revert to, a) telling them we need to go to a curtain motel, and b) leaving quickly degrading them even moreso than going to a curtain motel, because I have the dogs and not willing to leave them alone at night for too long. They'll get scared, and start howling like wolves, which I'm assuming the neighbors don't appreciate at 1am.

Hence why so far, nobody gets to know where I live, which sucks. Instead I revert to, a) telling them we need to go to a curtain motel, and b) leaving quickly degrading them even moreso than going to a curtain motel, because I have the dogs and not willing to leave them alone at night for too long. They'll get scared, and start howling like wolves, which I'm assuming the neighbors don't appreciate at 1am.And you're not prepared to live with your decision? You live in the back of Nakhon Nowhere, you despise the West and want no contact your fellow farang in Thailand, and you expect us to give you advice and show sympathy?

[christianpfc]

I let everyone come to my room, from boys I just met in Saranrom to boyfriend candidates who might stay a few days (then I discover character faults and get bored, they lose their status as boyfriend candidate and get degraded to fuck buddy and I kick them out). No problems so far
I've been screwing around trying to figure out how to phrase this properly, but never works, so this will come across as quite rude, but by no means is it intended that way. Correct me if I'm wrong, but you live in a studio apartment, right? In that case, it's no real surprise that it's not difficult to get rid of them. Who wants to hang out in a studio apartment?
Nothing rude at all. I'm not familiar with how the various kinds of accommodation are called (What to reply when a boy asks me if I live in an apartment or a condo? I tell him I have a room.), but based on this definition:

A studio apartment, also known as a studio flat (UK), a self-contained apartment (Nigeria),[1] efficiency apartment or bachelor apartment, is a small apartment which combines living room, bedroom, and kitchenette into a single room.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Studio_apartment
I do live in a studio apartment (minus kitchenette - I don't prepare food except for toast, plus bathroom). Or to put it another way: I eat, sleep, fuck, read books and play internet in one room. But it's not a bedsit (read this on stickmanweekly, when you watch TV you sit on your bed, and so on), I have separate chairs for eating and playing internet.

I guess my room is a large improvement over most of my boys' rooms.

Recently stayed with a boy in Ramkhamhaeng, room about 2 m x 3 m, no aircon, no refrigerator, shared toilet and bathroom - scoop cold water over your body - estimated 30 m walk away, at 1500 Baht per month more expensive per sqm than my room and less comfortable!

Anyway, I don't hang out in my room, I travel a lot. Where and how do you hang out?

You speak about several empty bedrooms, but I fail to see their importance.
Would you and your boy sleep in separate rooms?

[latintopxxx]

christian, each to his own, but I certainly would find it difficult to live in a room only, I would feel too cooped up. Dont think I've ever had long term accommodation that was under 2 bed rooms (70 square meters). The lack of space would drive me nuts. As for live in sex partners, I prefer to sleep alone, hence the need for a 2nd bedroom.

[cdnmatt]

Where and how do you hang out?

My life is extremely boring. I work, then after that I work some more. Then I go have sex, come back and do some more work. And again, I have the dogs -- can't exactly take off for the weekend whenever I feel like it. :)



You speak about several empty bedrooms, but I fail to see their importance.

There isn't any importance. Only reason for the house is because I need the yard for the dogs. I have 60kg of dog here, so an apartment isn't going to work. :) That, and they're quite healthy, strong and energetic, so keeping them in the yard is probably a good idea. heh. Otherwise, they'd be bolting around the neighborhood at 30km/hour, stealing chickens, making people crash their motorbikes, wrestling with all the other dogs in the area, scaring the old people, etc. Best to have a large yard for them, so they can get all the excercise they need.



Would you and your boy sleep in separate rooms?

No idea, as never had anyone here yet. Thanks to Kim, I know full well what happens when the wrong Thai person believes you've wronged them. I would imagine they'd sleep by themselves though. Would be up to them, not me.

[latintopxxx]

kommy...u talk too much....or should I say " type too much"...u must be a woman...only quiet when u r eating or sleeping.

kommy...u talk too much....or should I say " type too much"...u must be a woman...only quiet when u r eating or sleeping.And my point is ... you'll never know, we're all anonymous here

[whitemouse]

I rent in Pattaya, building has security just every building in Pattaya does, but I don't bring hookups to my place.
Few times there's been theft, one time a guy managed to steal a 7 inch tablet, and one of the telephones, he didn't have a bag, and I still dont quite understand how he walked out with the tablet.
I have 2 tel numbers, almost everyone I know here does.
But I don't want to bring them to my place not cos of security, hotels have ton of advantages, I can take off the moment sex is done, no boring, painful small talk, no waiting for the guy to take 20 min shower after, when done I just walk out of the hotel, everybodys happy. He can then spend the next 23 hrs showering if he wants.

[latintopxxx]

usually its my hotel room , dont do short term rentals like 3 hours as its a waste of money, so I cant just walk out, I simply tell the MB to leave once I'm done with it. As for small talk...I dont even do that, didnt hire him for his engaging personality. LOL.

[goji]

Few times there's been theft, one time a guy managed to steal a 7 inch tablet, and one of the telephones, he didn't have a bag, and I still dont quite understand how he walked out with the tablet.

That's inconvenient. As a tourist, it's very convenient that all my valuables fit in the hotel safe.

In my home country, opportunities are rare, but local hookups come to my home. Here it would be impractical to lock away all the valuables.

[whitemouse]

Yeah, if I took a guy to my place, I would still take more time to get rid of him. It's the shower, or more accurately an obsession with showering.

So not only do I have to put up with waiting for him to come out of the shower when he gets here, resulting in his dick and ass tasting like soap, sometimes I feel may as well suck on piece of soap, why even bother getting the guy! Honrstly, if someone asked me how Thai guys smell, I wouldn't know what to say, all I smell is some chemicals, not the smell of another human, not the smell of skin. But I like how men smell! Even sweaty men.

I've asked guys to not take a shower when we get in the room, and they look at me like I was some sort of savage!
It's not like they just got off oil rig, and are covered with oil!

But the worst is the shower after we're done. What do they do there, I sometimes wonder, do they have a small book, and they read it in the bathroom? I don't know, and I dont want to know!

You say you make them understand that he better hurry up and leave, but how do you tell them that, they always close bathroom door for some reason (another one of those misteries of Thailand) I mean we just fucked, what's with the sudden need for privacy now?

So no, not my place! Hotel is the way go, when done, you just walk out, and leave him there with his book.



usually its my hotel room , dont do short term rentals like 3 hours as its a waste of money, so I cant just walk out, I simply tell the MB to leave once I'm done with it. As for small talk...I dont even do that, didnt hire him for his engaging personality. LOL.

[latintopxxx]

always find it amazing how the payer gets bossed around by the payee....simply amazing.

[whitemouse]

always find it amazing how the payer gets bossed around by the payee....simply amazing.

No, not bossed around.
Letting people shower =/= being bossed around. I point this out only because you are prolly not aware of that. See, you learned something today! Good boy!

But I think you are trying make my post into something it is not, just to be annoying asshole.
Nothing I said suggests I'm being bossed around by a hooker. Actually, it does happen from time to time, in role play setting I often play submissive part, but I never mentioned this. You attempted to be snarky, and failed.

In a movie Hannibal, Dr. Lecter offers good advise to dim witted person at a dinner table: 'If you can't keep up with the conversation, better not try to join in at all.'

You'd do well to follow this advise!

Good night, my slow friend, this was the last time you were able to reply to me, I'm putting you on ignore now. It isn't your the rudeness, I can appreciate a good insult as much as a next guy. Take Kommentariat for example, I'll be sorry to see him kicked, and it seems its about to happen. His posts are fun, never boring. But you and your insults are lazy and unimaginative, you are slow, boring and tedious.

So long, top Latin top guy!

[latintopxxx]

u enjoy being passive?!?!...damn?!?! I'll ride u hard like a two bit hooker...talk dirty while i do it.... and u can pay me....win win...

[lego]

Well for me it's actually quite simple:

Only colleagues, close friends and an actual boyfriend get to set foot in my condo. I'd feel violated bringing a casual encounter or fuck buddy back home and it also wouldn't look good as far as the neighbors are concerned. In posh Bangkok neighborhoods, appearances definitely matter.

For my dealings with casual encounters and fuck buddies, I'm renting a small serviced apartment in another area. More convenient than checking in and out of short-time rooms or hotels on a regular basis, because I can leave some stuff there (think sex toys and my favorite toiletries) and don't have to carry anything around, cheap enough (about the same as Matt's doghouse in the sticks), always clean and stocked with fresh linens and towels. Perfect for what it's for. Added benefit: I tell those who are inclined to stay there long-term that it's not my apartment, but one rented by the company for visitors. A little white lie to make sure they depart along with me, every time.

I only have a single phone and that has never really been a problem. I've been using the same mobile number since more than five years and I haven't been pestered all that much. I simply ignore calls and messages as I see fit and never apologize when that happens. I don't really need my phone for work, that's what a PA is for. Keeping two phones charged and carrying them around sounds like overkill to me. If anything, I'd use a dual-SIM phone with one long-term and another throw-away SIM card.

[christianpfc]

christian, each to his own, but I certainly would find it difficult to live in a room only, I would feel too cooped up. Dont think I've ever had long term accommodation that was under 2 bed rooms (70 square meters). The lack of space would drive me nuts. As for live in sex partners, I prefer to sleep alone, hence the need for a 2nd bedroom.

My life is extremely boring. I work, then after that I work some more. Then I go have sex, come back and do some more work. And again, I have the dogs -- can't exactly take off for the weekend whenever I feel like it. :)
My room is just a base station to rest between trips and store stuff. 10 days of the months I sleep elsewhere (when traveling in the provinces), another 10 days I'm in Bangkok but in my room only for sleep, shower, sex; and 10 days I'm actually in my room most of the day.

[Jellybean]

. . . For my dealings with casual encounters and fuck buddies, I'm renting a small serviced apartment in another area . . .
Crikey lego! Your arrangements sound all very cloak and dagger and worthy of a plotline in a Jason Bourne movie. Lol!

Having travelled all the way out here for the winter, IтАЩm not about to rent out another place for my sexual shenanigans. I donтАЩt know any of the neighbours in my condo. We have 34 floors in my apartment building and only occasionally do I pass someone on my floor or in the lifts. IтАЩve always brought guys from the go-go bars back to my condo. And at my time of life and given that I am operating on extra time, I am well past caring what my neighbours think of my sexual activities. The bellboys, some of whom are very cute, certainly know about my sexual preferences. They have all been perfectly polite and helpful to me. But again, I donтАЩt give a stuff if they approve or not. Two new bellboys have been employed since I was last here in April and one of them helped me up with my groceries on Sunday. Yes, I liked him, thought he was really cute, but I would never do or say anything that could be the cause of a complaint.

I certainly donтАЩt flaunt my gayness, never hold hands with any of the boys when approaching the condo or show any signs of affection in public. So in that sense, I do adhere to what I believe is considered acceptable behaviour. And, I behaved exactly the same way back in the UK in the days when I could pick up guys. (Lol!)

Guys that I meet on dating sites, some of whom I might see on a regular basis, I will usually meet somewhere neutral on our first date before bringing them back. In the early days, I did arrange to meet them at my condo, or more strictly, at the nearest Sky-train station, but quickly decided that wasnтАЩt such a good idea.

We have 4 or 5 security guards and 2 or 3 bellboys on duty at any one time. And to access the various levels a security card is required to operate the lifts. So, I have no concerns about my security. And in the 7-8 years IтАЩve owned a condo in Bangkok IтАЩve never had any problems.

In the last year or two, I was seeing a special guy on a regular basis. He didnтАЩt have a job when we first met and I supported him until he found suitable employment. But then I saw him only 1 day a week тАУ his day off. It was at that time I started visiting a lot of massage parlours, once or sometimes twice a week. It was easier and cheaper than bringing back a go-go boy to my condo with all the attendant trouble with laundry issues. Perhaps then lego, massage parlours played the same role for me as your secondary small serviced apartment.

Looking back to when I owned a house in Hua Hin, I always brought bar boys back to my house and never thought twice about it. Most stayed overnight, for those who couldnтАЩt stay overnight, I drove them back into town and to their room. There were times when groups of young lads, friends of a 'boy' I was seeing, visited and played around by the pool, having drinks, listening to music and generally enjoying themselves. Again no problems.

There were 12 houses in our soi and all were owned by fa-r├аng or fa-r├аng and their Thai wives. Not once did anyone comment on my personal life. I acted as treasurer on our homeowners association and played my part in soi life without any problem. But, if I lived in similar circumstances to you cdnmatt, with mainly Thai neighbours and given your past unfavourable experience, I think I might probably make similar arrangements to yours when seeing the occasional gik. After all, I wouldnтАЩt want the villagers turning up one night like some crazed lynch mob with burning torches as in those shockingly bad Hammer horror movies! (Only joking!)

[goji]

The bellboys, some of whom are very cute, certainly know about my sexual preferences. They have all been perfectly polite and helpful to me. But again, I donтАЩt give a stuff if they approve or not. Two new bellboys have been employed since I was last here in April and one of them helped me up with my groceries on Sunday. Yes, I liked him, thought he was really cute, but I would never do or say anything that could be the cause of a complaint.

Getting off with a cute bellboy is on my to do list (=fantasy), however you're right to be cautious.

[Brad the Impala]

I got off with a cute bellboy in Tunisia. He brought his friend, a waiter, for company. They came in through the hotel room door and left by the window, picking up their red fezes on the way. The room was on the ground floor fortunately.

None of the above are euphemisms, although perhaps they should be.

[bruce_nyc]

First, this reinforces all the many reasons why..... (1) I don't ever want to get my own dogs, cats, or any other pets. I'll visit yours. And.... (2) I don't ever want to live in anything other than a very safe high security high-rise condo or apartment building.

Meanwhile, there is a decent "short time hotel" within 2 minutes walk from my condo. A room costs 300 baht for 3 hours. I have taken guys there. I even rented a room there by the month for one month. I thought I'd be taking guys there often. But eventually I figured out that there's absolutely no reason not to bring guys back to my own condo. It's much more comfortable, and much more convenient, and free. All I do is let my bf know that I'll be bringing a guy home. He knows that he's always welcome to join in, just watch, go in the other room, or go out.... depending on his mood.

I make no secret that I have a bf.... so most guys don't even entertain dreams of trying to move in. I also off guys from one of the reputable gogo bars the vast majority of the time.... so they're professionals, and not likely to be the type to cause trouble.

If I ever were to pick up a guy from the street or something... or anything made me wary of his character.... and I decided to meet him anyway.... I'd probably take him to the short time hotel.... for 300 baht. A small price to pay for added piece of mind.

A few thoughts on some of your comments...

(1) I have balls. I'm not a cowering little girl. I'm perfectly capable of politely asking someone to leave. "It's time to go now. I have to get up early." And if that doesn't immediately work, I can easily *tell* him to go now. And if that doesn't work, I wouldn't hesitate to call the building security to escort him out. Since when is *he* in charge of *me* and *my* home and life!?!? The thought of that is insane and pathetic. Grow a pair already! You really need to love and respect *yourself* first.... before you can love and respect some stranger.

(2) Ask me if I care what the neighbors think? That concept is even more insane. Keeping up appearances for "Thai Society"!? Really? First of all, nobody patronizes houses of prostitution more than Thai Society does. They have their own places. They don't need to visit Soi Twilight or Boyztown.... tho sometimes they do. Give me a break. It's not 1950 any more. Or 1850....

(3) Worrying about offending a guy by taking him to a hotel instead of your home!? Are you out of your mind!? A 300 baht short time room is probably 10 times better than where he lives his entire life. Also, he couldn't care less how you live ( except, the nicer your home, the more money he can hope/plan to get out of you! ). In fact, if he thinks you're poor, he won't bother you by begging you for money as much.

If you can't stand up for yourself, and your own home and privacy.... and you can't tell a "service provider" ( sex boy toy ) exactly what you want, and what you expect..... and be prepared to defend it.... then you should just stay home and meet nobody. Curl up with the tv remote control and a hot pizza and a cold beer.

Or....

Buy a large secure safe. Better yet, a safe box at the bank. Rent a condo in a highly secure building with cameras everywhere and keycards needed everywhere. Never live in a freestanding house under any circumstances ( unless you just rent one for a weekend). Take guys you don't trust to a short time hotel. Fuck what the guy thinks of your room. He's only there for sex, for a few hours. Screw what he thinks! If your consciousness can't reconcile "offending him", give him a bit more money. He'll instantly forget everything and "love" you more. ;)

If you've chosen your "babies" ( pets ) over having a life..... live with it. If you donтАЩt want to live with it any more, be a man and change your life. Find a friend with a house and dogs. Let him adopt your "babies" and visit them often. ( PS - They're not actually babies. They shouldn't cost you your life. )

You only live once. Love yourself. Make yourself happy. Make yourself secure. Don't worry more about other's feelings than you do your own. ( They don't! )

[cdnmatt]

Well, that was quite the lecture. :)

I'm actually glad I don't let them come back here. There's one guy I see fairly regularly, and just seen him last night. He's obviously developed some feelings for me, and that's when things can turn really badly really quickly. You get someone like that obsessed with you, and it's a little more complicated than just politely asking them to leave, so I'm glad we've only ever went to the hotel.

As for the other points, it's called common decency and respect.

I think I'll have to do what lego does, and grab a serviced apartment. So we can hang out, cook a meal together, and actually enjoy each other's company instead of just, "ok, take your pants off".

[bruce_nyc]

It sounds like you're looking for a boyfriend ultimately.

So, no matter how you deal with it, it will *always* come down to the same point...... That point where YOU have to decide.... "Do I trust him enough to let him into my life for real?"

Nobody can tell you when, or with whom, that answer will be a, "Yes".

My only other advice is: Don't cower to what HE wants. Be sure of what YOU want. And don't be shy about insisting on it.

It's *extremely* UNattractive to see someone *always* bending over backwards to please the other person in a relationship. ( in a non-commercial relationship )

It's nice once in a while. But if it's always like that, it displays extreme insecurity and is a sure indicator that that person does not love *himself* .....which is a huge turnoff.

[Nirish guy]

I think I'll have to do what lego does, and grab a serviced apartment.

We are / you are (Matt) of course all working under the false apprehension that if a Thai boy wanted to find you / your home in Khon Kean that he couldn't do that, I'd say if he was really motivated I'd give him two days tops to crack that one in tracking you down by using the Thai jungle drums system that enables the buggers to know more about us than we'll EVER know about them !

He'd just have to put out the feelers for "the farang who works about something to do with computers, has his own big house here place and has noisy dogs" - there, bingo, that would be enough I think for him to "bust you" and your location - altough I guess after your last BF you know way to much about how that all works anyway unfortuantely it seems from what you've already told us !

[cdnmatt]

Possible, but unlikely. I'm pretty careful. Plus, I know everyone in the area, and they all know me, so I highly doubt anyone around would squeal on me to some random gay dude who shows up in the area. He would be viewed as the outsider, not me.

But yeah, you're right, it's a very communal society. I can barely take a shit without other people knowing about it. :) I remember that was probably the biggest thing I had to get used to upon living here. Privacy in Thailand is out the window. Once you get used to it though, you realize it's fine, and actually very beneficial to society. That's what makes it so safe and peaceful. You're not allowed to be an asshole here, because if you are, within hours everyone within a 3km radius is going to know about it.

[latintopxxx]

bruce, no idea how old u r, but the truth and wisdom displayed in your last post is so true.

[bruce_nyc]

bruce, no idea how old u r, but the truth and wisdom displayed in your last post is so true.

I'm in Thailand on a retirement visa now... if that tells you anything.... :)

But I *look* about 26.... ;)