The ups and downs of friendship in Thailand.

[bucknaway]

over the years I've met some really nice guys. some are more memorable than others but for the most part they're all unforgettable. with every new trip I get to meet new guys from all over but it is the Thai guys that I enjoy myself with most. I'm lucky to have if you true friends but I can enjoy myself with and feel confident knowing but they will be there for me when I return.

The sad part, is losing contact with those cherished friends. some find lovers and move away, some find jobs in faraway lands, some just seem to disappear, and others simply pass away. recently I just heard from a friend that he will be leaving Thailand and moving to Switzerland. right away I felt sorry for myself wondering what I would do in Thailand without him. I think for while I took our friendship for granted and only now do I treasure it for what it was.

It made me think about the other guys I have met. not just friends, and not just lovers. but people what made a difference in my life, and people, who ive made a positive difference in their life. No, I didn't sleep with everyone that I met in thailand, I like to think that I'm fondly thought of by the people I have met, not just those whose friendship I have taken for granted. Like my massage friend in Pattaya I've known for a few years. I truly liked him, but not enough to carry his burden.(I've already bailed him out of jail once) I only see him and talk to him when I am there on vacation. over the years I can see time taking its toll on him. before the Sun Goes Down he is nearly drunk on the beach. his shotty clothes tell me that life is not being kind to him. but our friendship is only a friendship of business. I like him, but I can't change his life. I know that each time that I see him maybe the last time that I see him.

Another person I've known over the years was a guy I have met a few years ago. I met him on the beach and wanted to help him. He was attractive but I could tell he was trouble. he wanted to shower in my room and I allowed it. I cought him several times trying to sneak about my room only guessing what he was up to. another time when I was in my room watching TV on a different day, he just walked into my room without knocking and I had no idea he was coming.

I won't describe him, only to say he was very handsome but it was all so obvious that he was on drugs. at the drop of a hat he would pretend crying and just as fast he would end the pretense. so on this meeting he cried telling me he needed money to go home. he told me he needed 500 baht. I gave him a little more than that and we parted ways and I did not see him for a few years until recently.

I was sitting in a beach chair when he came up to me and asked if I remembered him. right away I knew who he was. he didn't look as innocent or is handsome. I figured the drugs had erased some of his male beauty. we didn't have much to say and he end up moving on. I often wondered what became of him and although I got to see him again I still don't know what became of him.

even now I look at the contact list on my phone with over a hundred names and numbers of guys in Thailand and I only know a handful of them. I'm sure I met quite a few of them but I would never be able to match the actual person to the name that is stored on my phone.it has gotten so bad that now when I save the name in my phone I put the year next to the name so I can remember when I met them.

each time I meet someone and spend time with them they are the most important person to me and mean a lot to me up until they are on the other side of the door or my plane lands back in the USA. once I get my luggage they are only a memory.

sometimes I think the life of a butterfly is wearing down on me, the many guys that come and go, forgotten faces, forgotten names. A phone full of names and numbers, never really making any real contact and often finding it difficult to want to know anyone past morning. so when my friend told me he was leaving I almost felt like he was telling me he had died. true friendships are hard to replace. they're very hard to replace when you're a foreigner visiting Thailand. I think if I'm lucky enough to find another genuine friend in Thailand I hope I won't take that friendship for granted.

(this post was dictated using my android tablet)

[Manforallseasons]

Bucky, excellent post shows a lot of insight , you leave little unsaid.

[Nirish guy]

Yes excellent post Bucky, I know exactly where you're coming from as I too have that same long list of names saved to my phone, some were no more than a passing fuck for a few days and others much to my surprise when I stop and look back I realise have actually been a little more than that and we have actually ended up a small part of each other's lives over several years now and like yourself when one moves ( or dies) if does leave a little hole and each time that happens it dies being it home just now fickle or even strong bonds with our Thai friends can be sometimes. Accordingly mind you I have met some wonderful guys over the years all over the world who have enriched my life in many ways and even if letting the odd one go every now and then is sore I wouldn't change things with any of them.

[Dalewood]

For us Americans, I wonder how much we lose out because it is so hard for Thais to get visas to come here? I am not retired and I simply can not get the time off to visit Thailand more. It would be worth it to me to send the right guy a round-trip ticket but that would not help with the visa.

For Europeans, it is much easier, right??

[christianpfc]

Great post! The vast majority of Thais I meet only once. Even if both of us want to meet again, there are restraints (time and place). After meeting someone in a sauna or disco, I sometimes exchange phone number or Line, but we will not get together again. Hence my theory: it's easier to meet someone new for sex in a sauna than meeting someone I know from before.

I save name with year and month I met, sometimes add age/weight/height and home province (I can remember places better than names, often I remember a boy's home province, but not his name).

There are only a handful of Thais I stayed in contact over years.

[Nirish guy]

For lets call it mainland Europe ( France, Germany, the Netherlands etc etc) yes it's fairly easy as they all far under an visa requirements covered by the Shengchen agreement, meaning that basically assuming the person meets even the most basic criteria ( normally showing a return ticket and proof of hotel booking / a place to stay and enough money to eat with for the duration of the trip) that yes they'll be granted a visa of up to 3 months in length and once granted they can use that same visa to travel throughout almost all of Europe. Unfortunately ( for me) both the UK and the Republic of Ireland have not signed up to the agreement and keep the old style individual visa requirements which makes getting a holiday visa MUCH more tough (to almost bloody impossible it seems some how) so I feel your pain there. There are ways and means it seems which seem to revolve around either getting the person visiting to apply for either a student visa or a work visa but of course neither are particularly suitable for a short term holiday trip and being blunt of the guys we're likely to meet in Pattaya etc would find it difficult even meeting the criteria for those too.

Personally I find it SO annoying that even though I'm here IN Europe that genuine friends ( and I don't mean Bar workers but people who work in banks and large corporate companies etc but who come from other Countries and who may be visiting Europe for just two or three weeks for a holiday can't just jump on a plane and nip over for a weekend or whatever even just to say hi, although when I think back over the years over some of the guys I HAD thought of being here in the past and watched over the ensuing years of the trails of disaster and nightmare they've lead other European farang friends they DID go to visit on perhaps I actually should consider myself lucky and that I was spared all the hassle, dramas and expense ! :-)

cherished friendsHave you considered that while you cherish them, the depths of your feelings may not be reciprocated? Thais seem to have an entirely different concept of friendship than Westerners.

[Dboy]

For us Americans, I wonder how much we lose out because it is so hard for Thais to get visas to come here? I am not retired and I simply can not get the time off to visit Thailand more. It would be worth it to me to send the right guy a round-trip ticket but that would not help with the visa. For Europeans, it is much easier, right??

I really don't think you are losing out. What makes you think a Thai would have any interest in visiting the US? All the Thai's I meet in the US would rather be at home. If you are having a problem getting time off to visit, I suggest making some lifestyle changes. That's what I did, and it made a huge difference in my life. Corporate life is SHIT. Consider Embracing the uncertainty. Consider re-arranging things so that you can quit your job. Any job is going to control your life, so its best to kick that time-wasting misery to the curb and start living for you....just sayin'. Take the red pill.

[Smiles]

" ... I really don't think you are losing out. What makes you think a Thai would have any interest in visiting the US? All the Thai's I meet in the US would rather be at home ... "
In my experience, lots of Thai guys would just love to visit Canada (or the US I suppose, though I've never asked any about that ... being Canadian). I've asked.

On this one, it would be better to distinguish between "visiting" and "moving to/living in".
My old man would be ecstatic to visit 'snow' and various other touristy stuff. But actually move to Canada? Not a chance: the family, the 'homeland', the food, the 'Thai-ness' which all Thais exhibit socially amongst themselves (but the nuances of which farangs will never know) are simply too compelling and too ingrained. Thus your observation that " ... all the Thai's I meet in the US would rather be at home ... "

[anonone]

" ... I really don't think you are losing out. What makes you think a Thai would have any interest in visiting the US? All the Thai's I meet in the US would rather be at home ... "
In my experience, lots of Thai guys would just love to visit Canada (or the US I suppose, though I've never asked any about that ... being Canadian). I've asked.

On this one, it would be better to distinguish between "visiting" and "moving to/living in".
My old man would be ecstatic to visit 'snow' and various other touristy stuff. But actually move to Canada? Not a chance: the family, the 'homeland', the food, the 'Thai-ness' which all Thais exhibit socially amongst themselves (but the nuances of which farangs will never know) are simply too compelling and too ingrained. Thus your observation that " ... all the Thai's I meet in the US would rather be at home ... "

agree 100%

BF is quite keen to spend a couple months in the US with me. Snow is a big one for him also...along with the status of having visited USA. We may end up taking a quick trip to Japan just for him to play in the snow a bit....and eat good seafood. 2 big things on his list. And Japan is a much easier trip then trying to score a visitor Visa for the USA.

We have talked a lot about the differences and what he would miss if he stays in the USA. I have no doubt that permanently moving to the USA is just not feasible.

[a447]

Visiting a foreign country and living in a foreign country are two entirely different things.

I've met heaps of Thai guys who have said they'd love to visit Japan - it is a country they seem to know a little about, no doubl because they are fascinated with its high tech and its porn! - but none had ever said he'd like to actually live there. A quick visit would suffice, I think.

People who are brought up in a country with very strong traditions and culture would be loathe to leave Al that behind, as it is what gives meaning to their lives. That's also why Japanese tend not to migrate to other countries. I think food plays a very big part in this. Sure, you can go to Thai restaurants overseas, but the food is not the same.its a localised version, modified to meet local tastes. Speaking to Japanese living in Australia on work assignment, the only topic of conversation is Japanese food. I think the same would go for Thais.

[oldfarang]

I'm lucky to have if you true friends but I can enjoy myself with and feel confident knowing but they will be there for me when I return.


Dear Bucknaway (original nickname, like it),

I don't know you, but not sure about the quoted sentence above, not correct English grammar since I can take that sentence in 2 different ways.
Are you talking about yourself and true Thai/farang friends or other people, who have true Thai/farang friends?

I feel you mean you have true friends you can count on that are Thai. (I stopped reading after the first paragraph. Not like long stories, sorry.)

BUT if you call a Thai a TRUE friend, it means you will trust him with you ATM card/PIN. If NOT, he is just a nice guy/acquaintance you have sex with and can count on a booby call when in Thailand.

This is not a negative thing, but just realistic. Be honest about whom you call a friend. Friends are very rare and higher then family, because you choose them. You never choose your family.

PS. I am sure my grammar is also not perfect. English is not my native language, but my ex-working language. Just in case if there are "DOTS on the I" English language/grammer Police here.

[christianpfc]

I'm lucky to have if you true friends...
(this post was dictated using my android tablet)

I didn't notice this before, but now after above post, I see speech recognition has turned "a few" into "if you" (and "that" into "but"?).

I would say I have one true Thai friend (met 5 years ago), the others are fuck buddies. Met him recently by chance, and after not seeing for some months, there was so much to talk about, 20 minutes shared bus ride was not enough.

When he asks to borrow reasonable amounts of money, I don't question and don't expect it back. Whereas my other acquaintances, it's more or less money for sex. I wouldn't trust him with ATM card and PIN, but that's because I know he can't manage money.

There is one other boy I have known for 3 years and met several times (stay at his place), but not much to talk about.

I would define friendship by how much you have to talk about when you meet (which is an indication for shared interests). You have to consider that some of my Thai friends (I mean fuck buddies) don't speak English and I can't hold long conversations in Thai, but with those there is little to talk about because we have no common interests.

Whereas with Farang friends, I can talk for hours, it usually starts with Thai boys and traveling in Thailand and nearby countries, and can end anywhere.

[francois]

. Friends are very rare and higher then family, because you choose them. You never choose your family.



Guess you never had a twin brother or sister?

[Smiles]

" ... BUT if you call a Thai a TRUE friend, it means you will trust him with you ATM card/PIN. If NOT, he is just a nice guy/acquaintance you have sex with and can count on a booby call when in Thailand ... "
Nonsense. Who shares their ATM card (much less the PIN!) with anybody? That's just plain stupidity ... be he/it best friend, fuck buddy, or the cat.
Not sharing ATM cards is simply business. Nothing to do with trust.

[latintopxxx]

...funny...not even slightly interested in Thai friends...keep it strictly business...i supply the cash...thy supply the body for me to use and enjoy...simple!!

[vpnoy]

Nice post. My take is that everyone has a life story (good, bad, by choice or circumstances). It's sad for some. But life moves on, and some day, we all will die. I motto is treat others as how I would wanted to be treated.