Why are Thais anti Hugging and such?

[oldfarang]

In my 30 years of coming to Thailand and been to a few moms homes, why is it that the Thais don't hug, cheek kiss or anything when they see each other again after months (or years).
I don't mean the boys in the bar scene, they hug and kiss us, due to arterial motives (money mostly).
But I am sure most of you have been taken home to a smaller city or village (or cabin on a farm) and yes they are all happy, but just the Thai wai (oops no Wai Smilie available here) is what mom, dad and boy (girl) does.

WHERE IS THE EMOTION?
Besides when your boy is drinking/drunk and has been angry about something he kept inside for days/weeks.
But that is the wrong emotion. Please don't get me started on the Thai loosing face shit, because that really pisses them off.

[Manforallseasons]

Oldfarang, after living here for a long time I've observed that Thais in general love children and have no problem being affectionate with them, among the lower classes affection seems to stop before puberty, not so with the middle and upper class. The guys we meet are almost entirely from the lower rural class.
When and if you meet a guy that trusts you and likes you they thrive on affection and long for it, equally they will give it in return.

[Brad the Impala]

I don't mean the boys in the bar scene, they hug and kiss us, due to arterial motives (money mostly).


Are the arterial motives trying to over excite us into a heart attack?

[thaiguest]

In my 30 years of coming to Thailand and been to a few moms homes, why is it that the Thais don't hug, cheek kiss or anything when they see each other again after months (or years).
I don't mean the boys in the bar scene, they hug and kiss us, due to arterial motives (money mostly).
But I am sure most of you have been taken home to a smaller city or village (or cabin on a farm) and yes they are all happy, but just the Thai wai (oops no Wai Smilie available here) is what mom, dad and boy (girl) does.

WHERE IS THE EMOTION?
Besides when your boy is drinking/drunk and has been angry about something he kept inside for days/weeks.
But that is the wrong emotion. Please don't get me started on the Thai loosing face shit, because that really pisses them off.

Your observations re hugging, kissing among Thais are correct. I would posit that it's not exclusive to Thailand but common in this region- certainly in Cambodia, Laos and Myanmar also.
It may be linked to many cultural factors including Buddhism, Confuchism, rural-based shyness, and others.
In my experience around the world familial closeness is greater in rural societies but is rarely openly displayed.
In urban societies the opposite is the case.
New Yorkers and other western urbanites are forever kissing each other but deep down the plan is to put Mom and Dad into a nursing home as soon as it's deemed necessary.

[cdnmatt]

Not sure myself, but definitely know what you mean. Thais don't even shake hands, let alone hug / cheek kiss. On a very rare occasion someone will extend their hand to me to shake mine, but I know that's just them being polite, and playing to my culture.

I really don't know why. Is it hygiene related? Or is it just how things work in a Buddhist society? It's against Buddhist principles to desire anything, so maybe that's it?

[Patanawet]

WHERE IS THE EMOTION?
Besides when your boy is drinking/drunk and has been angry about something he kept inside for days/weeks.
But that is the wrong emotion. Please don't get me started on the Thai loosing face shit, because that really pisses them off.
Go somewhere else if you don't like it!

[marti]

Go somewhere else if you don't like it!
This is a common and unthinking comment. The topic and observations are real and good discussion material.

[LoveThailand]

I have a hunch that it can have something to do with local culture - which - oh dear - is so different from the one farangs were brought up in. Thais are emotionless because they do not hug, most Arabs and Indians must be gay (men walk holding hands or with an arm over a friend's shoulder), Georgians are gay too - men kiss when they meet!

[PeterUK]

In all Asian societies self-control and calmness in public are highly valued. Just the way they have evolved. Hugging in public isn't even a matter of choice, it just wouldn't occur to most Asians as a possibility. It can seem buttoned up to us, just as our 'let it all hang out' attitude to public behaviour (anything from affection to anger) seems barbaric to them. Vive la difference!

[a447]

Not displaying emotion the same as we do does not equate to a lack of those emotions.

And losing or gaining face is an Asian concept you ignore at your own peril, especially if you live there.

[cdnmatt]

I have a hunch that it can have something to do with local culture - which - oh dear - is so different from the one farangs were brought up in. Thais are emotionless because they do not hug, most Arabs and Indians must be gay (men walk holding hands or with an arm over a friend's shoulder), Georgians are gay too - men kiss when they meet!

Yeah, but simple things as well. You haven't seen your mom in 6 months, then visit her in her village, and there's no affection at all generally displayed. It's more of a "hey, how you doing" gesture, followed by a, "where's the food?" one. There's no hug, or nothing. Whereas in the West, the arrivals lounge in the airport for example is filled with nothing but peoeple giving each other hugs.

[Rogie]

I think we should celebrate these differences, so I agree with PeterUK about that, and it's nice to respect them, within reason. We've seen changes in public behaviour in our own lifetimes in our own countries - gays holding hands and displaying public affection, women being more open about breastfeeding their babies and so on. So, for me, with respect to Thailand, many of these differences are great, a little sensitivity and awareness is all that's needed not to 'put your foot in it' too much. Maybe the ease of air travel is eroding people's ability to manage these differences. While it may be true one capital city superficially looks much like another, a bank of familiar faces - Colonel Sanders, Ronald MacDonald, Baskin Robbins etc - can easily lull the first-timer or the dullard into thinking everything's the same. The rash of newsworthy stories - Angkor Wat, Mount Kinabalu inMalaysia, featuring tourists abusing the hospitality of their host country in the most crass way, is a disturbing trend and suggests to me young people especially seem to have been 'programmed' to assume what might well be ok in their mother country is just fine and dandy anywhere else too.

[colmx]

glad to hear that its not just my BFs family that are so indifferent

When he arrives home after 1+ year the most he ever gets is his mother touching him on the cheek and saying a little prayer (or muttering a few words)
Same when he is leaving, its just loads of good luck bracelets tied to his wrist, a few incantations and a goodbye Wai

On the other hand i always get several big hugs (from him) on arrival at Suvarnabhumi

[francois]

As for emotion, I have seem that in the presence of death. One hearing of the death of a farang, one Thai boy's eyes welled up with tears. My Thai bf cried his eyes out when his beloved sister died.

In my 30 years of coming to Thailand ...
May I be the first to congratulate our newest member on his fabulous effort at chain-yanking.

[francois]

:-BD

[Patanawet]

why is it that the Thais don't hug
The real question is ----- why do Americans hug and pat each other so much?
What's wrong with an old fashioned good firm handshake and "hello old chap/gal, how the devil are you?"

[LoveThailand]

I have a hunch that it can have something to do with local culture - which - oh dear - is so different from the one farangs were brought up in. Thais are emotionless because they do not hug, most Arabs and Indians must be gay (men walk holding hands or with an arm over a friend's shoulder), Georgians are gay too - men kiss when they meet!

Yeah, but simple things as well. You haven't seen your mom in 6 months, then visit her in her village, and there's no affection at all generally displayed. It's more of a "hey, how you doing" gesture, followed by a, "where's the food?" one. There's no hug, or nothing. Whereas in the West, the arrivals lounge in the airport for example is filled with nothing but peoeple giving each other hugs.

I think the key words are "there's no affection at all generally displayed" in Thailand. Whereas in the West there is more display and often less affection.

[Smiles]

" ... Whereas in the West there is more display and often less affection ... "
I hear ya!! Hugging should not be even contemplated with anyone you haven't known for at least 20 years. And even then you better not have bad breath.

Everyone these days is a serial hugger, and often they include that ridiculous boys-in-da-hood shoulder-bump fetish (what the fuck IS that anyway? I don't even like you ... and you don't like me!).
Give me a Thai guy who plants a gentle sniff kiss on the side of the cheek and adds in a sweet wai any old day. For farangs ... hand shakes only thanks very much.

[cdnmatt]

" ... Whereas in the West there is more display and often less affection ... "
I hear ya!! Hugging should not be even contemplated with anyone you haven't known for at least 20 years. And even then you better not have bad breath.

I'm with ya. Next guy who tries to hug me is getting a 20,000 volt tazor in the gut. How dare they?

heh.

[francois]

[
Give me a Thai guy who plants a gentle sniff kiss on the side of the cheek and adds in a sweet wai any old day. For farangs ... hand shakes only thanks very much.

Perchance a kiss on both cheeks, mon cher?

[Smiles]

" ... Next guy who tries to hug me is getting a 20,000 volt tazor in the gut ... "
Good idea. Living in Khon Kaen I would think the place is over-populated with fat drunken broke farangs who wear, continuously, the same tank top every day, in a Khon Kaen heatwave. Perfect for hugging everyone in reach, I'm sure they think.
I don't have a taser.

Given the above, perhaps we have reached the answer to the original question ... why don't Thai guys hug?

[marti]

Give me a Thai guy who plants a gentle sniff kiss on the side of the cheek.
I'll bet the poor guy won't sniff him a second time.

[fedssocr]

it's not only westerners who show affection. The Koreans are really into their "skinship" thing. All those Korean boybanders are all over each other

[francois]

I'm with ya. Next guy who tries to hug me is getting a 20,000 volt tazor in the gut. How dare they?
heh.

Don't be concerned, matt, someone will first have to find you to hug you. ;)

[christianpfc]

I hug only my mother or good friends, if they initiate it. And of course sexual partners, a lot of hugging, but that's all in closed rooms and usually undressed.

There was one Chinese girls (born in England) who I worked with in France and got on very well (if I wasn't gay, there might have been more), who hugged me on goodbye day whereupon I said "Do you know that you are very lucky? (pause) Usually I have sex with people I hug, but I will make an exception for you."

[loke]

My experience is that they will hug and kiss in a privat room with the one they want to love. But in public it will never happen, this is a cultural thing and should be respected by foreigners.
Also like losing face in public is a really bad thing here, if that happens, be prepared for the worst.

[vpnoy]

Thai are not anti-hugging or emotionless. It's culture, just like in the "West", what is acceptable and what is not. How one behaves in public, to some extend is a matter of how, where one was brought up.

[oldfarang]

My experience is that they will hug and kiss in a privat room with the one they want to love. But in public it will never happen, this is a cultural thing and should be respected by foreigners.
Also like losing face in public is a really bad thing here, if that happens, be prepared for the worst.

Surprised this re-opened after a momth, but Mr. loke did not read the core of the topic is family, mum and dad and such, not their ATM's, of course they hug and kiss the ATM (well after a anger and farang gives money)

OOPS, here I go generalizing again.

Sorry Thailand is great, some (99.9%) area's of Pattaya is shit