Your Thai Boyfriend тАУ Not an OwnerтАЩs Manual

you can only earn his love through your good works

Sage advise that.

[Doug]

Copied to my "Tips" diary. Thanks

[Smiles]

Thanks for this.

I must confess that when I first saw the topic ... then the author, I immediately thought " ... oh well, more bullshit from LMTY ... ". But I was to hasty, and enjoyed this article very much (who wrote it? If you, say so. If it's a copy & paste, you should do the author a courtesy).

I would comment that many of the points in this article are rather universal ... not applying to just Thai guys:

~ Who likes criticism? Not many folks I know.
~ Who enjoys their country denigrated by someone from 'somewhere else'?
~ Finding fault with a new lover in the first 24 hrs would piss anyone off.

Also a point: a lot in the article gives good general advice for new love affairs and new boyfriends. From some experience I would say that the longer the relationship carries on successfully the more each person comes "over" (to the other side I mean) and tends to drop much of the natural sensitivity and wariness of the first 6 months or year.

After being 'together' (granted, long distance ~ 'til next year) for closing in on 7 years now, some of the things I read on this Board makes me think some of the guys here are talking about men from Mars, and not Thai men who are, in fact, part of This World.

On the other hand, there certainly are things alluded to in the article which ring so true: The bemusement on his face when I have a minor hissy fit (about anything!) . . . his ease in reducing my over-complications to (nauseating!) simplicity . . . his gentle and loyal love of family (though his father ~ an alcoholic ~ and older brother ~ a gambler ~ piss him off continually) . . . and on and on.


But for all that, I appreciate you reproducing this article on the Board. Although many of the points within have been discussed before, it encapsulates the 'dangers' all in one place and I'm sure says many things well worth remembering for those guys here who wish to ~ sooner or later ~ discard their butterfly-nature for something more permanent.

Cheers ...

Thais like to give you the answer they assume you expect. Telling your boyfriend “to tell you what he really thinks”, will just make him try harder guessing what you want to hear. A polite Thai will pretend to know nothing his seniors don’t know and agree with whatever his seniors says.It took me a long time to learn this, and I still struggle with it at times.

Now, help me out with this one:

And don’t forget to cut your hair, and shave regularly… yes, down under too!Thais prefer shaved pubes on their old guys? Is trimming the goal? Or, smooth chests? In Australia? Or ... what???

Thais prefer shaved pubes on their old guys? Is trimming the goal? Or, smooth chests? In Australia? Or ... what???

Wish you would convince my Thai friend of this.......... he wont let me!

Wonderful info but I would also add to be wary of trying humour your first few times with a Thai guy unless you are sure it translates. I made the mistake, while canoodling, of sniffing my guys armpit and making that faux, gasping for breath dying routine (ok, not so funny but cute I think). I then spent the next 20 minutes trying to explain that it was a little (very little) joke as he kept telling me, with a confused and hurt expression on his face, that he 'wash very good, use soap and everything'. He then kept sniffing his own armpit for the rest of the night.

Wonderful info but I would also add to be wary of trying humour your first few times with a Thai guy unless you are sure it translates. I made the mistake, while canoodling, of sniffing my guys armpit and making that faux, gasping for breath dying routine (ok, not so funny but cute I think). I then spent the next 20 minutes trying to explain that it was a little (very little) joke as he kept telling me, with a confused and hurt expression on his face, that he 'wash very good, use soap and everything'. He then kept sniffing his own armpit for the rest of the night.

try telling a bangkokian his skin is dark and sexy! Talk about the cold shoulder all night! Passion killer for sure!

It also doesnt seem to work both ways. If my bf tells me im fat (im under 13 stone & 5`11) he thinks it hilarious - if i call him fat i get the curled lip and snarl

[Dodger]

Great Read LMTU...

Obviously written by the hand of experience and should be read twice by all newcomers.

I would like to add a few more tidbits:

Communicate your expectations clearly. Thais generally have a tremendous ability to "Focus on Task" once they know what the task is.

Take the cotton out of your ears and stick it in your mouth. The first way to turn-off your Thai friend is to stick him in the center of a farang drinking discussion and blabber farang nonsense...with him sitting there like a piece of furniture. Take him out with a few of his friends and just sit back and listen. You can learn a lot more about his true personality and gain more respect in the process.

Don't think for a minute that he enjoys eating with you. Thais prefer eating with other Thais. Food on a Thai table is meant for sharing and passed amongst friends in a collaborative manner. They'll smile if you take them to an upscale restaurant, but they'd much rather be sitting next to a stall somewhere with a few of their friends.

Spare the "I Love You's". Thais sense and feel LOVE over a period of time through caring and sharing with the same partner. Trust can only be established over-time, and LOVE, in a Thia's eyes, is a component of TRUST. If you tell a Thai boy that you just met that you love him, he'll have absolutely no idea what you're talking about. Or, stated another way, he'll know that you have absolutely no idea what you're talking about.

Be willing to CHANGE. Like LMTU mentioned, Thais believe that the Thai-Way is the best way, and for all practical purposes, they're correct. If you're looking for a long-term relationship, be willing to contribute to the welfare of his family. LOVE may be number one on your agenda, but to a Thai, their family will always hold this top slot. The more you struggle to avoid this - the more distance you'll have in your relationship.

Thais, like their elephants, never forget. The easiest thing to do, especially after a half dozen Singha's, is to drop a loose word, but just try to pick it up sometime. A derogatory remark or insult made to a Thai will never be erased. Thais will always ask you for a commitment, e.g., can you see me tomorrow?, OK, you come back at what time?, "OK, I will be waiting for you at 1200 hrs on November 17th". and at 1200 hrs on November 17th he'll be standing there waiting, and if need be, he'll stand there waiting all night, so make sure you can live up to your commitments. If you were to tell the boy "No" I really do not want to promise - or - "No" I plan to be with someone else that night, as ridiculous as this may sound, he'll accept this and have more respect for you in the process.

Now, just picture this all too common scenario: A farang dresses up and takes his Thai friend to a fancy farang restaurant, devours the plate of food he has in front of him - babbling all along about his life back in Baraboo Wisconsin, drags the boy to a farang beer bar and babbles two more hours about the social and political unrest in his country, gets drunk, then escorts his Thai friend back to his room for sex...(at this point, it would be impossible to have two individuals more alienated from each other), and after the Thai performs his task (remember he's still focusing), the farang turns sideways on the bed to face his lover, and through the stench of alcoholic vapors seep the words..."I Love You."

[piston10]

Any chance of this excellent thread being put in the Resources Forum eventually?

Is trimming the goal?In my case, rimming's the goal

But, if I may add another general rule

Don't generalise. I can recall happy moments with Thai boys over the years that break many of the "rules" set out above. However they are almost invariable a case of the exception that proves the rule

[Jetsam]

Thais are more cats than dogs

Very good observation, loyal to the hand that feed them , but if the neigbor has better food you lose your cat. I love cats :cheers:

[bkkguy]

Any chance of this excellent thread being put in the Resources Forum eventually?

one thing that always worries me about this forum is the inability of most participants to distunguish crap from shit

if this thread has anything serious to off someone wishing to establish a real relationship with a "boyfriend" from Thailand or anywhwre as distinct from relating to a moneyboy on the first few "offs" - sorry "dates" - I will gladly eat the recycled electrons used to post this, and if it was really written by LMTU I will come back for seconds!

bkkguy

[piston10]

Any chance of this excellent thread being put in the Resources Forum eventually?

one thing that always worries me about this forum is the inability of most participants to distunguish crap from shit

if this thread has anything serious to off someone wishing to establish a real relationship with a "boyfriend" from Thailand or anywhwre as distinct from relating to a moneyboy on the first few "offs" - sorry "dates" - I will gladly eat the recycled electrons used to post this, and if it was really written by LMTU I will come back for seconds!

bkkguy

Well, I admit I have some difficulty in distinguishing crap from shit, which I always thought were the same thing - but, OK, I get your aggressive, and condescending, intention, bkkguy. Sorry I don't know as much about the subject as you.

My understanding was that this post, consisting as it does of LMTU's post (or pasting), Dodger's additional comments, Smile's qualification, which grows out of experience of a successful long-term relationship, and (now) Homintern's warning about generalisation, would be a thought-provoking and helpful read, especially for someone coming new to Thailand and Thai people. It would be obvious to most people that it would be extremely foolish to think that you are going to meet a Thai to whom all these points apply, but it might be very helpful to know the possibilities - the areas in which you might misjudge a Thai, not understand his response, not approach in the right way, etc. There were some useful points made in a recent thread about the unlikelihood of a Thai's saying thank you in the Western way or so often. When I first visited Thailand I certainly did not understand that a wai could be a sincere and meaningful 'thank you', and was initially amazed at the silence that sometimes followed it. I welcome the opportunity to read about such things from people who are more experienced than me. In my limited observation, many of them apply to Thais other than bar boys.

So, yes, I still think that, with Homintern's caveat, the thread should be preserved. And, no, I am not a cynic who thinks that everything Thai is to be distrusted or disparaged - especially the people, however they earn a living! Long live their differences from me!

Ok, if anyone can tell me what this means I would be grateful. I can never tell when my friend says 'Up to you' at one of my suggestions whether that means the decision is up to me or whether he means he would rather not do it. I do get this response whenever I suggest we go to a 'farang' restaurant, which, if the above is to believed, would indicate he would rather not. I know for certain he enjoys eating with his friends or even alone. I know he likes to wolf down his 'pet' Isan offerings and dab at his brow whilst he mushes the food around his mouth, something he may feel awkward doing infront of me. I do know a fair few Thai guys though that like being wined and dined in better surroundings than a roadside foodstall and feel even better if they can be spotted there by their friends.

I have now started turning the tables and saying to him 'Up to you' when we are discussing what to do for the night or next day. Actually, this has proved a wonderful way of getting to know him better as when he chooses an out of the way Karaoke bar (that is favoured by his friends) he looks ever more relaxed and self assured. Further, he has also suggested some nice places to visit which I may not have done on my own and his delight at 'going out' for the day to places 'he' wants to see is infectious.

My lesson for anyone 'dating' for more than a night or so, listen to your guy, do some of the things he wants to do and you may just find yourself having a better time than you could imagine. Oh, and for anyone who likes to buy their friend presents (Gold or Mobiles seem to be the current present of choice), consider offering English lessons (2,000 to 3,000 baht for twenty - one hour lessons). This is a gift that keeps on giving and can be beneficial to you and your guy, just be wary and sound him or his friends out about this one, as you don't want to cause insult to him by questioning his ability to speak English.

LMTU: I remember reading both this quote (Your Thai Boyfriend тАУ Not an OwnerтАЩs Manual) and the other one (Penis Care: An OwnerтАЩs Guide) somewhere before (not online): can you please tell me where it came from? Thanks.

Ok, if anyone can tell me what this means I would be grateful.

I've been told, "Up to you," has as many different meanings as there are (meanings of) Thai smiles. The ones I can remember (I think):
Okay, we go shopping.
We'll do what you want anyway--So why ask me?
I don't care.
I really don't care.
Never mind...same-same.
You are silly.
You are ignorant.
You are being selfish.
All in all; I'd rather go to your room and watch television.
All in all, I'd rather go to your room--And get it the hell over with so I can go out and spend my money and have some real fun.

The times I've gone places 'they' have suggested, I've never been sorry; even the time num picked a sidewalk restaurant in Patpong where we had four dishes, rice and drinks for total eighty baht. Although I felt like Cheap Charlie he was happy and happy I liked it.
If I just have to have farang food; I know several farang restaurants where the Thai food is better than the farang food: win-win.