Goodmorning to you all

[oldfarang]

Let me start with saying Goodmorning again and I am not new to the sawatdee. I have been here before but that was so many years ago. It could be 7-8 years I don't remember. Guess my age is catching up to me. I forgot my old handle, sorry. I stopped posting here after my boyfriend and me went back to my home country and had many great years together. Please allow me to tell my story because that is why I am here again, in Thailand and on Sawatdee.

I have been coming to Thailand, mostly Pattaya, for almost 30 years. Yes, I had great times and did many stupid things. I don't regret any of them, even the expensive ones. Many times great times and stupidity go hand in hand here. So for the first 20 years of holidays in Thailand (little Bangkok - old days and after Pattaya - and sometimes some days elsewhere) I was a farang that enjoyed himself to the fullest, 2-3 times a year holidays. I had a great and flexible job and yes I am retired now (70+)

At this time I am in Thailand, with my boyfriends family. They have a nice business in Pattaya and are doing well. But I am getting ahead of myself.
Well after 20 years of being a party farang on holiday, I met him. I will never forget that day, moment (I hope). I was having a coffee in the morning and he and his friend walk into the place. His friend was a salesman for some bar/caf├й stuff and he was just tagging along. I asked what they where selling, so he came sitting with me and explained that his friend was selling and he just was going with him. For me it was love at first site. I was 60 at that time and never happened to me. He's English was great. Turned out he had a decent education (dad was English, but past away 5 years before). Ohh, he was 28 when I met him. Before this story gets too long we really got along and maybe I have been stupid the past 10 years or his love was real. We kept meeting for 2-3 more years on my holidays (2-3 times a year). Never asked for any money while I was away.

So, 7 years ago I popped the question and ask if he would like to come and live with me. Maybe expand his education some more or just work, he's choice. He's answer was so shocking: "Let's go to my home now so you can meet my family". Well 20+ years of experience as a party farang came running back to me of course, but I said ok, since I had not met his family in the 2-3 years we had holidays together. I don't know if it is a standard Thai thing, but the family already knew about me, I found out. That same day they went all out on making me feel as welcome as possible. I had about 3 more weeks of holiday left and everything was just perfect with him and his family.
I know what does an goodlooking 28 (then 31) year old wants with a 60+ old farang. To be honest I still don't know just his words and show of love was enough for me.

I am sure you are all sitting down now, because here comes the sad part, which is why I am back in Thailand at this time.
My sweet perfect boyfriend of almost 10 years past away. I flew his remains 2 weeks ago back to Thailand according to his wishes and his family and I did what was needed. He was hit by a drunk driver back home while coming back from shopping for his family for a coming up holiday to Thailand.
I have 1 more week in Thailand according to my ticket, but I have decided to stay longer maybe a month more. I am also thinking of just spending my last years here in Thailand, since back home there is nobody left really, yes some friends, but they will understand. I need to go home one more time to arrange things, if I make the big decision. My in laws here in Pattaya already offered to take care of me. They are really good people and do not need any of my money, they have enough themselves.

I am not rich, but yes I do have a good pension and savings. I will never spend that much and I have full health care.

I am not sick or anything at the moment, but I am 70 and well age is catching up. What do you older longterm expats think and maybe any suggestions.

Thank you and I hope I did not waste too much time of your day.

[Oliver]

My condolences on your loss....I wish you happiness. My only piece of advice (I'm not an expat) is to begin with a "trial run" of a few months before making a final decision.

[Up2U]

As an expat, I agree with the trial run. Do not make any change of life decisions until you are in the right frame of mind.

[oldfarang]

Yes, thank you guys, you are probably right in that. I should take my time (but not too much at 70+ years old). My friends back home tell me the same.
I know I can never go back to being the party farang I was before. I am just to old and lack, well at this stage, the will to do it.

But for somebody like me, there is nothing back home, money is not really an issue. Ok I will not be doing gogo bars anymore (now I say).

Sorry, I am just trying to get my head and future straight (OOPS Gay).
I have no kids, no responsibilities, just maybe 5-10 years (maybe more), now reasonably active/mobile for my age (that is me, not the little me).
I really need to stop my daytime drinking out of boredom, what will be the same where ever I live, I am hoping in Thailand that I will be less bored.

Thanks again guys, sorry I need an old mans nap again.

[Wim888]

I am so sorry to hear about your loss.
Obviously, you will need to grieve for several months or a year. Do not make any important decisions right now.
But at 70 you still can be young and can find new happiness and fulfillment in life.
If you like Thailand, why not spend part of each year in Thailand, and part of each year in your native country?

[Rogie]

That same day they went all out on making me feel as welcome as possible. I had about 3 more weeks of holiday left and everything was just perfect with him and his family.

. . .if I make the big decision. My in laws here in Pattaya already offered to take care of me. They are really good people and do not need any of my money, they have enough themselves.

From what you tell us, if I were in your situation I would base myself in Pattaya so as to be near these folks. If they were based anywhere else I'd say the same, although that might not work everywhere - if it was a small village in Isarn that might prove too different from what you are used to.


I need to go home one more time to arrange things

As others have said, take it slowly. I assume you have property back home. If you sell up and move lock stock and barrel to Thailand that carries the risk you may for any of a variety of reasons not settle, so having the option to go back to your home country, especially at your age where you can never know what's round the corner health-wise, will provide a reassuring safety net. From what you say it seems to me you could manage in Thailand on your present income without the immediate need to sell up back home. If you do decide to liquidise all your assets, the temptation to use it to fund a property in Thailand might seem quite an attractive idea. There are plenty of tempting offers in Pattaya in the property market. Only yesterday I had an email from God-knows-where (probably because I am on the Thai Visa mailing list) listing several properties which all seemed very expensive to me, but then again I have no intention of ever living in Pattaya so I can afford to dismiss the whole idea. All I can say is if you have substantial assets keep them to yourself until you're absolutely sure you want to buy (basically a risky investment IMO). Until then rent, and if you are happy doing that and Pattaya life suits you, carry on renting.


I am not rich, but yes I do have a good pension and savings. I will never spend that much and I have full health care.

I am not sick or anything at the moment, but I am 70 and well age is catching up.


Assuming you decide to live in Pattaya, and keep aside a decent amount of funds somewhere safe, you've got a safety net in case of ill-health. Ex-pats can advise you on the best course of action there, health insurance, etc.

You've obviously travelled extensively in Thailand over the course of 20 - 30 years-worth of visits. In your situation the last thing I would do is stay in Pattaya (or indeed anywhere else) all the time. If you've got a driving licence hire a car and go exploring. Visit new places in Thailand and maybe some places you look back on fondly from yesteryear. If you haven't already done so, try visiting Thailand's neighbouring countries, there is plenty of information on the boards for Laos and Cambodia, and a fair bit for Burma and Vietnam. That's just the beginning - you can fly to an amazing number of foreign destinations from Bangkok - China, Taiwan, the Philippines etc.

As you can probably quickly deduce, I'm not one for taking risks! So it will come as no surprise I'd recommend the same approach to your future love life. Having said that if you were to do a lot of travelling away from your new home base having a companion can make a really big difference. If not now then some time soon, I'm sure you will be thinking about long-term financial planning, including what happens to your assets after you die. That's an extremely personal aspect of anybody's life and not something I feel able to comment on, except to urge you to be very careful!

[catawampuscat]

70 is middle age in Thailand.
I have a friend who spends a month every year in Pattaya. About 8 years ago, his
Thai boyfriend died and he hasn't touched a boy since then. It works for him.
He continues to come to Pattaya every year.
I believe your bf would want you to be happy and find someone new but as
the Thais say 'it's up to you'. Choke dee (good luck).

Just bear in mind that if you want to "play" your boyfriend's family may well consider it to be a betrayal of his memory. It's a common reaction, nothing to do with you or Thailand.

[Doug]

Kom.....I think you're wrong about the family. If they have expressed a willingness to support you decision to move to Pattaya then I can almost guarantee that withing a week of taking up residence, they will have a suitable "caregiver" ready to move in a look after your every need. If you're confident of the family's wishes then I wouldn't hesitate to make the move. Also in Pattaya it is very easy to make new farang aquaintences to keep you occupied.

[chillnorther]

Life being short, as long as you can guard yourself financially from major mistakes, why not?

Kom.....I think you're wrong about the family. If they have expressed a willingness to support you decision to move to Pattaya then I can almost guarantee that withing a week of taking up residence, they will have a suitable "caregiver" ready to move in a look after your every need. If you're confident of the family's wishes then I wouldn't hesitate to make the move. Also in Pattaya it is very easy to make new farang aquaintences to keep you occupied.
Clearly you haven't had much to do with grieving families and surviving spouses

[oldfarang]

Thank you for the suggestions and such.
At this time in live I have no need to even think about a boy short or longterm, maybe later.
My in laws will take care of me, but I will not be living with them, just somewhere closeby. They are very modern westernized. Mum was married to a farang for 29 years. The whole family understands the differences between our cultures. They even visited us several times back home.

As I mentioned I will be here for about a month more and then go back. I will take time to see what I will do for my future, but I am pretty sure I will decide to come living in Pattaya. Just don't see why I would stay alone back home alone. I will keep you guys informed about any imporatnt changes.

[krobbie]

Oldfarang, I was saddened to read of the passing of your boyfriend after 10 years together. However for you life goes on. You realise at 70 that you don't have the same intense desires you once did and the physical need for them. Friendship however is a different matter. Who knows what wonderful things are ahead for you? Go forward armed with advice given here to be careful about buying property. Much better to rent. You may at some time wish to move elsewhere in Thailand. Whatever you decide I look forward to reading about it. All the very best to you.

You realise at 70 that you don't have the same intense desires you once did and the physical need for them.Speak for yourself!!!

[bobsaigon2]

You realise at 70 that you don't have the same intense desires you once did and the physical need for them.

Actually, I did have those same intense desires and need for them when I was 70. Now at 75, I must admit that the compulsions have tapered off, and one trip to Bangkok or Phnom Penh every two months is adequate. And, yes, I always bring along some of my friends - Viagra, Kamagra, or Levitra (Levitra, made by Bayer, introduced to me by a French doctor, appears to be effective but with milder side effects than Viagra).

[krobbie]

You realise at 70 that you don't have the same intense desires you once did and the physical need for them.Speak for yourself!!!
Well it's lovely to be back, thanks surfcrest. If I didn't assume you were jesting I'd say, "If you don't think your sex drive has changed, you're deluded". But I know you cannot be serious. =))

You realise at 70 that you don't have the same intense desires you once did and the physical need for them.Speak for yourself!!!
Well it's lovely to be back, thanks surfcrest. If I didn't assume you were jesting I'd say, "If you don't think your sex drive has changed, you're deluded". But I know you cannot be serious. =))Perhaps you're unaware of the latest amendment to the Posting Guidelines. krobbie. Under the Sook Amendment you are not allowed to make comments along the lines of "you're deluded" as it is a personal slur. You owe the OP an apology. Surfcrest - action please.

[BOY69]

My condolences on your loss.You have to follow your heart and give it a try and move to pattaya I am sure you won't regret it !