met a wonderful thai boy -confused ...

[BOY69]

Just came back from a wonderful trip in Thailand . I met on one of the Phuket bars a 19 YO Thai boy and we had a wonderful time for the last week of my trip took him with me to
Pattaya . the moment we met he immediately wanted us to be together , he always hold my hand outside , never wanted us to be separate even for a second ,always said that he like me
very much the only problem that his English is very bad but we manage to communicate through his mobile translation software . he wanted me to visit his mother house in Isaan but I couldn't because I had a flight back to my home and there wasn't enough time . he wants to come and leave with me quit his job at the bar but it is very difficult to obtain a visa for a Thai citizen to my country and I am a little bit confused too I feel that I have strong feelings for him but I think that the big gap between the Thai culture to the western and the long geographic distance between us will not enable to establish a serious relationship . we are in touch since I came back to my home and he have to go back to his work on the bar although he didn't clearly want to . I am really confused and doesn't know what to do . Someone has similar experience ? any thoughts what to do ?
:(

[catawampuscat]

A few more facts would be helpful.
How old are you? Do you consider yourself sexually attractive? Weight ? Wealthy or just getting by?
Considered sending him to English school?

[joe552]

No doubt, most of us have met wonderful boys, and some of us have even fallen in love - I know I did on my first trip and enjoyed a few holidays with the guy until he moved on. Don't regret a minute of it. Now, I'm a bit more cynical, especially with guys I meet in bars - it's their job to make us feel special and lots of them are very good at it. But I would be reluctant to even start thinking of a long-term relationship based on only a week or two with someone. My advice, for what it's worth, would be to continue to talk online, and maybe plan another trip soon - but be wary of making too many promises. Enjoy the good memories you have.

[francois]

Yes Boy 69 I had a similar experience with a 20 yo who I met first time in Thailand during a three week trip. Still with him 15 years later. But I was able to visit Thailand several times a year for months at a time so was able to keep up the relationship . As far as bringing him to your home country, forget that idea.

[arsenal]

My suggestion is to pack in your job, sell everything, transfer the money to Thailand and put it in a joint account with Mr Hotboy from the Hotboy Bar and live the dream as you sail into the sunset. What could possibly go wrong?

[BOY69]

My suggestion is to pack in your job, sell everything, transfer the money to Thailand and put it in a joint account with Mr Hotboy from the Hotboy Bar and live the dream as you sail into the sunset. What could possibly go wrong?

No need to be cynical as I wrote the big gap between the Thai culture to the western and the long geographic distance between us will not enable to establish a serious relationship . I am not a wealthy man ,I can't quit my job neither send him allowance on regular basis that will allow him to stop working in the bar further more bring him to my country is not an option at all . He was not a typical "Hotboy" at all ; very honest , modest and worm and the connection between us was intense and genuine I didn't plain that such a thing will happen but it did and I do fill strong affection to him and do miss him very much , I hope that I will forget him and enjoy the good memories as joe552 suggested wisely .

[thaiguest]

After only 1 week it's far too early to be meeting mother in Issarn.

It's too early to be holding hands all time (frowned upon here-gay or straight) and bringing him to your home shouldn't be considered until you arrived at the point whereby straight couples have grandchildren to offer to Mama and Papa in farangland. What the gay equivalent is here I can't say.

I would counsel getting real ie understanding that the misunderstanding is probably on his side in that he regards you and all foreigners as rich and therfore capable of lifting Mama and the entire family out of poverty and he wants it done NOW!

The real factor here could be a genuine affection between you both-it has happened before-so don't risk loosing it.

Next time be blunt about what's sustainable between you and who know? -love conquers all!

But I would be reluctant to even start thinking of a long-term relationship based on only a week or two with someone.For me that IS a long-term relationship.

[fedssocr]

Sounds like you have a pretty realistic view of the situation which is a good thing. Too many guys "fall in love" at first sight with a Thai bar boy or bar girl. The internet is full of their tales of woe. While there are some times where it works out, they are extraordinarily rare.

The biggest caution would probably be not to promise anything you can't deliver on. Lots of times because we don't want to disappoint the other party we go along with things instead of being totally honest and up-front.

You are right that the language and culture barriers are real. Maybe I am too cynical, but I don't believe many of these relationships last or work out well in the end. Maybe he really is honest, or maybe he's just a very good actor or con man. So I would urge caution. As noted above try keeping the communication going if you can. Most likely it will wane over time as both of you have some distance from now.

[BOY69]

After only 1 week it's far too early to be meeting mother in Issarn.

It's too early to be holding hands all time (frowned upon here-gay or straight) and bringing him to your home shouldn't be considered until you arrived at the point whereby straight couples have grandchildren to offer to Mama and Papa in farangland. What the gay equivalent is here I can't say.

I would counsel getting real ie understanding that the misunderstanding is probably on his side in that he regards you and all foreigners as rich and therfore capable of lifting Mama and the entire family out of poverty and he wants it done NOW!

The real factor here could be a genuine affection between you both-it has happened before-so don't risk loosing it.

Next time be blunt about what's sustainable between you and who know? -love conquers all!

It was a genuine affection. I had before some relationships with Thai boys long time ago but nothing like this one, Maybe because he is so young (19 YO !) in this age they tend to be enthusiastic and needy (maybe "father" substitute syndrome ? ) and I was attracted to his amazing body and his joy of youth... I really don't know what excatly happend this is why I am so confused but I do agree that the misunderstanding is probably on his side in that he regards us all foreigners as rich and therefore capable of taking him out of the bar (which clearly he doesn't like ) and lifting his family out of poverty .

[dab69]

he liked the iPhone 6 you brought him?

[Blueskytoday]

Just came back from a wonderful trip in Thailand . I met on one of the Phuket bars a 19 YO Thai boy and we had a wonderful time for the last week of my trip took him with me to
Pattaya . the moment we met he immediately wanted us to be together , he always hold my hand outside , never wanted us to be separate even for a second ,always said that he like me
very much the only problem that his English is very bad but we manage to communicate through his mobile translation software . he wanted me to visit his mother house in Isaan but I couldn't because I had a flight back to my home and there wasn't enough time . he wants to come and leave with me quit his job at the bar but it is very difficult to obtain a visa for a Thai citizen to my country and I am a little bit confused too I feel that I have strong feelings for him but I think that the big gap between the Thai culture to the western and the long geographic distance between us will not enable to establish a serious relationship . we are in touch since I came back to my home and he have to go back to his work on the bar although he didn't clearly want to . I am really confused and doesn't know what to do . Someone has similar experience ? any thoughts what to do ?

YOU ONLY HAVE KNOWN THIS "BOY" 19YRS OLD..A WEEK....YOUR STAR STUCK,,,YOU THINK YOUR IN LOVE.....VISITING THE MOTHERS HOUSE MEANS $$$$$ TO BUY THEM SOMETHING.......HE WANTS TO LEAVE THE BAR,,ALL THE BOYS DO....BUT THEY NEED "SOMEONE TO SUPPORT THEM" IN ORDER TO DO SO AS THEY HAVE NO SKILLS TO FIND A GOOD JOB.....KEEP IN CONTACT..IF AND WHEN YOU VISIT THAILAND AGAIN,,YOU CAN MEET ONCE MORE....NO WAY YOU SHOULD EVEN "THINK" ABOUT TRYING TO GET HIM A VISA TO YOUR COUNTRY....VERY COMPLICATED....IF YOU COME HERE ONCE AGAIN..HAVE FUN..ENJOY YOUR TIME WITH HIM....THEY RETURN TO YOUR COUNTRY.
OH,,,,,I WOULD NOT BE SENDING $$$$ TO HIM IN THILAND, UNLESS YOU RETURN OFTEN OR FOR LONG STAYS TO KNOW HIM AND THE SITUATION BETTER,,,,

[cdnmatt]

I'm probably a little biased, but bar boys tend not to make the greatest long-term partners. I'll admit, they have great asses, but it kinda ends there.

I fell in love too. We moved up to Khon Kaen, got a house, some dogs, went to the villages to see mom & dad every couple weeks, started loads of small business ventures, and the whole nine yards. That was pretty much the beginning of 3 years of pure hell for me. It ended with me living out of a hotel with a severe mold infection, while a bunch of ladyboys lived in my house without electricity, and let my dogs shit everywhere inside without bothering to clean it up. I then gave the BF a nice little severance package, picked up dogs, and disappeared on him.

Then again, I have a couple farangs as neighbors, and they each have a wife & kid, and it seems to be working well for them. Not sure where they picked their wives up from, and whether or not it was a bar, but they seem to be getting on just fine, so again, I'm probably a little biased.

[cdnmatt]

and lifting his family out of poverty .

The biggest question is whether or not they want to lift themselves out of poverty. I mean, it's great to help and everything, but if they're not willing to also help themselves, then it's pretty much self defeating. For example, I remember I ended up paying to build a little store out in dad's village. Two weeks later, it was sold for scrap metal.

The BF did everything from selling shirts, to selling BBQ at the market, gift shop, we had a р╕Бр╣Лр╕зр╕вр╣Ар╕Хр╕╡ р╣Лр╕вр╕з (thai noodle soup) restaurant going on the corner of our street for a while, and various other ventures. All funded by yours truly, and not once did any of them last more than 3 weeks. Not sure why, especially BBQ, because that was a great money earner. He could easily clear 25,000 - 30,000/month in profit, but nope, stopped after a couple weeks and proceeded to sell the motorbike & sidecart to buy whiskey.

The parents probably love village life, and won't be willing to move to the city, so opportunities will be limited for them. Every family member lived with us at one point in time, but none lasted more than a few weeks, because they hated the city. Well, except the dad... he came over often, but never lived with us. He's a straight-up village man, and ex-military too, and proud of it. heh, I remember one day we were out at the village, he took his shirt off, and showed me his back with this huge tattoo that said "KAM AN DO". He looks at me with a big smile, "see, I'm a commando". hehe, I just applauded him. Didn't have the heart to tell him next time you get a permanent tattoo, you might want to check the spelling.

Ok, I'm just rambling now...

cdnmatt left the best bit out "and I sprayed contempt and vitriol on all the Forum posters who told me it would end badly, yet here I am, giving out the same advice."

[Surfcrest]

From my perspective, everyone is different...farang / thai boy. We are all there for different reasons, we all have our different perspectives over this farang to thai boy interaction and some of us have had plenty experience with it, while for others...it's a brand new experience. No doubt over time (sometimes very little time) the farang or thai boy becomes jaded with the experience because of how circumstances have turned out. You need only look at this particular situation with BOY69 and the young man from Phuket that he met to know that one or both will be a changed person based on how this situation turns out.

I've been with my current bf for almost 20 years now and so all but one of my experiences with this pre-date him. Nevertheless, I still remember the few thai boys I met in the early 90's and I still remember the good times I shared with them and some of the bad. I've matured quite a bit over the years and have made better choices, but I've always taken into consideration the thai boy, how mature I was when I was that age and the mistakes they make / I made at that age. If you want to have a mature relationship with someone, quite often that only works when both partners are mature themselves, although that goes against what is happening over here with our farang to thai boy relationships.

The last thing I want to do is to hurt anyone's feelings, especially someone I've grown to care about. That is not why I come to Thailand and something like that would either ruin my holiday or give me something to feel guilty about.

I've "off'ed" many boys over the years, enough to know the difference between the "old pro's" and the "rookie's" of the boys available. I usually go for the older ones and so I can recall only a few rookie's over the years. Like BOY69, the first rookie I met was from Phuket. I don't recall which bar I met him in or all of the details, but surprisingly he was one of the few that was still around for breakfast the next morning and our friendship grew after that with the affectionate things he used to do for me. He would surprise me with flowers, bring little food samples home for me that he'd like me to try, he would straighten our room up everyday even though we'd had service everyday...he'd fold my clothes, take my laundry in. We were only in Phuket for a week and I'm not sure what was going through his mind...whether he thought he had found himself a husband, or a sponsor but I know and remember how crushed he was when I left and the sadness in his letters when I didn't return to Phuket again, while I knew him.

I had met someone the year before in Pattaya and my memories of his and my first year travelling around the country together with my farang friend from SF and his thai boy. I could have brought my new friend from Phuket with me for the rest of my trip around Thailand that year, but decided to meet up with my Pattaya friend later on in the trip. Unfortunately, when I returned to see my Pattaya friend, I quickly realized that he had changed and the drugs had gotten a hold of him and he was no longer the person I knew from the year before. He was a handsome guy, much better looking than my new Phuket friend and this definitely swayed my decision to go with my Pattaya friend, but it was not without regrets.

Even today, I still think about that young man from Phuket that I met many years ago and wonder how things turned out for him and how I may have impacted that with our brief time together.

Surfcrest

rookie's what?

[christianpfc]

Consider that you were on holiday and he was doing his job. Stay in contact and see him again next holiday.

[BOY69]

Consider that you were on holiday and he was doing his job. Stay in contact and see him again next holiday.

Yes it's a good idea but the problem is that the boy wants a more serious commitment from me; he wants to come to my country and he wants a long term relationship , I am more realistic and skeptic regarding this idea and prefer to chat with him online and to maintain low profile without making any promises because I really don't know when I wiil come back to Thailand and I don't want to heart his feelings . This situation is very complicated for me because I do like him very much :-\

[Blueskytoday]

Yes it's a good idea but the problem is that the boy wants a more serious commitment from me; he wants to come to my country and he wants a long term relationship , I am more realistic and skeptic regarding this idea and prefer to chat with him online and to maintain low profile without making any promises because I really don't know when I wiil come back to Thailand and I don't want to heart his feelings . This situation is very complicated for me because I do like him very much :-\
I hate to rain on your parade....You were with the boy/guy for 1 week...your infatuated with him..yes you had a good time with him, and your thinking about him.
You cannot have a serious relationship with him, he is in Thailand,,your in your country and no idea when you will return...He is back working at the bar, sorry to say, picking up more customers and probably sure giving some of THEM the same story as he is giving to you..You cannot bring him to your country,,sponsor him, pay everything for him....if you like,,keep in contact with him,,but should explain,,,sorry, no way you can bring him to your country...and my advice, only knowing him for 1 WEEK..I would not be sending money to his bank account...way way way....tooo early for such...trying to be realistic......hope you understand.

[scottish-guy]

You know what, Boy69 - don't listen to the cynics, just follow your heart.

We are all here for only a short time and during that time we are all entitled to pursue happiness.

This boy might just be the right one for you, and then again he might not.

Only 1 thing is certain - if you push him away, you'll never know

[crastro]

"Boy69",

you can really communicate with your lover only with a translator. What can you do together in a day with 24 hours? Fun, yes, bur for fun you need maybe 1 hour - what can you do the other 23?
Falling in love is wonderful..........but the reality is another. The most important thing in love or relationship is "communication", not fun!

[Manforallseasons]

I think you've beeen trolling this whole time if not instead of pushing him away start running and don't look back!

[scottish-guy]

...you can really communicate with your lover only with a translator...Falling in love is wonderful..........but the reality is another. The most important thing in love or relationship is "communication", not fun!

If Boy69 is serious in making a committment, the language barrier need not be an insurmountable issue. Thailand is full of language schools - and at 19yo the boy should learn quickly.

[githailand]

Haven't posted in a while, but this conversation is quite good. I can confirm that language certainly doesn't have to be a barrier if you are both committed. When I met my now boyfriend of 7 years (soon to be husband), he knew no English. I would return to America and we would speak by phone for about 1 minute - exhausting every Thai phrase I knew, and English word he knew. His friend would tutor him in the evenings in exchange for a bottle of whiskey, and by the time I moved to Bangkok to live with him permanently, he was speaking basic phrases. Today, 7 years later and no formal language school classes, he can converse in English with many of my expat friends. In fact, I'm not big on language schools (no offence at all intended for the fine teachers out there), but they are expensive in return for what the boys actually get out of it. If two people are actually committed long term, then I think there is no substitute for simply living together and learning English by osmosis. It certainly worked in our case.

I hope to be a regular poster from now on - many fine people on the Board - and some I haven't quite figured out yet - but that is what makes gay life so exciting!

Cheers -

JB



...you can really communicate with your lover only with a translator...Falling in love is wonderful..........but the reality is another. The most important thing in love or relationship is "communication", not fun!

If Boy69 is serious in making a committment, the language barrier need not be an insurmountable issue. Thailand is full of language schools - and at 19yo the boy should learn quickly.

[BOY69]

I am not a naive falang that making his first time visit in Thailand I had some Thai boys before and had a bad experience with most of them but this boy was a very special case .
First I entered the bar with falang friend , most of the boys were nothing special but suddenly I noticed a beautiful delicate young boy I couldn't move his eyes from him .we exchanged
glances and he smiled than the show start and he disappaerd after the show was over one of the clients invited him to sit with him he turned around and sent me a big meaningful smile to me like he wanted to say " why didn't you off me ! " I couldn't resist and gave him 500 BHT tip and went away . I was a little bit confused and decided not to go to the bar the next day but I couldn't stop thinking about him so went the day after , I saw him outside the bar but he looked a bit reserved. when I cam inside all the boys were on the stage and after 10 minutes I invited him to sit with me and decided to off him. we had a great sex and after an hour he left with a kiss and a wonderful smile . I went the day after again early so I can off him again I saw him outside the bar and he immediately come to sit with me we had a great sex again but this time we couldn't be separate again I told I am going to Pattaya and he was very exited because he never been there we had a wonderful time in Pattaya and he never stopped holding my hand , kiss me , and making a lot wonderful small gestures . He loved to swim in the beach at the mornings and at the evenings to sit on the beach and look on the waves and the boats. he didn't like the boys bars and discos and sometimes we went to places with Isaan local music which he loved very much . He asked many times for a serious commitment from me , I spoke with his mam which invited me to here house and he suggested to go to my country if I don't want to stay in Thailand . I didn't make any promises and was very vague . the separation at the airport was very sad and the night before he didn't stop crying when he thought I was sleeping ...

[fedssocr]

I don't know what your country of residence is, but getting him a visa can be very difficult or virtually impossible in many cases.

Good luck!

What can you do together in a day with 24 hours? Fun, yes, bur for fun you need maybe 1 hour - what can you do the other 23?I fear Crastro that you have not fully grasped the ING of the Thai boy's day, which fills up the 24 hours. In ascending order of importance the INGs are: fuckING, eatING, sleepING and shoppING

[githailand]

I hear this a lot, but in my experience and that of many of my friends, it simply is not true. I wonder if you have tried yourself? You may have, but in our case - I am American - my bf is Thai - without a job. Got a visa to Scandanavia (Schenzen) - no problem. We wanted to see Man U play Man City a few years ago (wasted trip as Man U lost, but I digress) - got a UK visa no problem. Went to apply for a U.S. Visa - again - no problem. I assure you - I am not rich and I do not have connections, so it is not difficult or impossible in many cases. Many of my friends have had the same experience. It is most likely in how you present yourself on the application and how that Thai acts during the interview. I do agree that it is a pain in the ass to go through the visa process, but such is life sometimes. I have learned that you want something bad enough, you can get it.


I don't know what your country of residence is, but getting him a visa can be very difficult or virtually impossible in many cases.

Good luck!

[catawampuscat]

Welcome githailand..
It will be great to have a non cynical farang posting here.

[LoveThailand]

I think that those who actually are successful in establishing long lasting loving relationships with Thai men just do not speak that much here. Those who have failed, are not capable of it or do not need it - tend to have bigger mouths.
Generalizing Thais is as good as generalizing farangs - is everybody here an old fat penny pinching not capable of getting sex back in their home countries control obsesses person? :)

[Surfcrest]

I think that those who actually are successful in establishing long lasting loving relationships with Thai men just do not speak that much here.
I would think that once a couple start communicating together in the same language, they become much like any other couple. The "Thai" part wouldn't matter as much as how the two simply got along, both socially and sexually. Even age doesn't matter much in many situations. I would think that someone's ability to move to Thailand or bring their bf home or happily exist in a long distance relationship would be the biggest obstacle to make this work, as the OP suggests.

Surfcrest

[Nirish guy]

...... is everybody here an old fat penny pinching not capable of getting sex back in their home countries control obsesses person? :)

Hmmm, well now that you mention it ...... lol

[arsenal]

Yes LoveThailand. Now that you mention it, everybody wishes that you hadn't.

[githailand]

Thank you - I learn a lot from many of the posts here, and I hope that once in a while I might actually have something to add as well...at least I can practice my writing skills, even if no one 'listens'

Cheers


Welcome githailand..
It will be great to have a non cynical farang posting here.

[Brad the Impala]

I think that those who actually are successful in establishing long lasting loving relationships with Thai men just do not speak that much here.

OK, an alternative view. I first met my bf in Phuket 15 years ago. I was double his age at the time but he is catching me up now! He was a bartender in a gay bar in Phuket, I was a regular tourist. I was lucky in that in my job I could visit him two or three times a year. After five years or so years of intermittent shared holidays in Thailand and a couple of trips to Laos and Cambodia, he joined me for a holiday in Europe.

Now we have a Civil Partnership in the UK, where we are both working, and he is applying for a British Passport. I consider myself both lucky and blessed!

I still enjoy reading the stories from the footloose and fancy free butterflies, of whom I was one. I don't miss that, although when we are on holiday together, especially in Thailand, we still keep our eyes open and actively seek out guys for threesomes. That works for both of us, and I don't believe that either of us can ever say that we will only have sex with just each other for the rest of our lives. We can say that while we are both still alive we will only have sex with someone else when we do it together. On our last trip we found a really nice Burmese guy working in a hotel, with whom we shared sex many times. Just another great experience to share as a couple like a good meal or a good night out! As meaningful and meaningless as that!

I have two friends here with Asian boyfriends. The boyfriend of one of them (Thai) has lived here nearly 25 years with the same guy but has only assimilated culturally in a superficial way - deep down he's rock solid Thai, the king is a demi-god who can do no wrong, Thai values are the only things that matter, public displays of affection by anyone are anathema (mind you, I'm with him on that one), and his boyfriend is the person who takes care of him (in the sense of patron). Indians and Saudi Arabians are dirty and smelly, and Indians are stingy as well (typical Thai racism). "My king" is Bhumibol, "Elizabeth" is just that other person who happens to be monarch of where he lives. The other friend has a Korean boyfriend who regards himself as a sexual refugee because homosexuality in Korea (he says) is firmly in the closet, so he seems much more accepting of Western values because he perceives them as accepting of him.

I should add however that (just as I would were I living in Thailand) they each watch television streamed via the Internet from their own country. The Thai only watches either cartoons or action movies in English because he doesn't need to (and can't) follow the dialogue (after 25 years)! How that measures up to Surfcrest's dream or Brad's experience I'm not quite sure.

[francois]

. the separation at the airport was very sad and the night before he didn't stop crying when he thought I was sleeping ...

Even though having a long-term bf I recently met a nice boy who charmed me which is quite unusual for me.
It actually was sad saying goodbye to him the evening of my departure. I will surely miss him since no action in my home country (No Country For Old Men) and he will no doubt miss my largesse. ;)

[Scott]

I think that those who actually are successful in establishing long lasting loving relationships with Thai men just do not speak that much here.

Now we have a Civil Partnership in the UK, where we are both working, and he is applying for a British Passport. I consider myself both lucky and blessed!



Surely getting a job and applying for residency are necessities of living in a foreign country. If I still had to earn a living when I moved to Thailand, I too would be working and applying for some kind of long-term residency here. However, I don't see how getting a job and applying for a local passport is evidence of a loving relationship.

[Scott]

My suggestion is to pack in your job, sell everything, transfer the money to Thailand and put it in a joint account with Mr Hotboy from the Hotboy Bar and live the dream as you sail into the sunset. What could possibly go wrong?

You forgot the part where they should open a bar together before they sail into the sunset. And buy him a college degree from Acme University for a dose of respectability which he will take 8 years to complete. And don't forget to emphasize that he was a bartender not a barboy when you tell your friends how you first met and that he's a part-time rocket science student who's supporting an entire village and five buffaloes back home - lest they mistake him for a common hoe (how could they!). =))

And don't forget to emphasize that he was a bartender not a barboy As it goes:
* My boyfriend is a barman
* Your boyfriend is a entertainer
* His boyfriend is a prostitute

[BOY69]

I have two friends here with Asian boyfriends. The boyfriend of one of them (Thai) has lived here nearly 25 years with the same guy but has only assimilated culturally in a superficial way - deep down he's rock solid Thai, the king is a demi-god who can do no wrong, Thai values are the only things that matter, public displays of affection by anyone are anathema (mind you, I'm with him on that one), and his boyfriend is the person who takes care of him (in the sense of patron). Indians and Saudi Arabians are dirty and smelly, and Indians are stingy as well (typical Thai racism). "My king" is Bhumibol, "Elizabeth" is just that other person who happens to be monarch of where he lives. The other friend has a Korean boyfriend who regards himself as a sexual refugee because homosexuality in Korea (he says) is firmly in the closet, so he seems much more accepting of Western values because he perceives them as accepting of him.

I should add however that (just as I would were I living in Thailand) they each watch television streamed via the Internet from their own country. The Thai only watches either cartoons or action movies in English because he doesn't need to (and can't) follow the dialogue (after 25 years)! How that measures up to Surfcrest's dream or Brad's experience I'm not quite sure.

I should be realistic ; this boy almost don't speak English at all , doesn't like Western food neither Western culture at all and to sum it up is a typical local Thai that reject the western culture although he is willing to come to my country probably not fit here and will go back to Thailand after short time period . Living in Thailand is not an option for me at all . We chat on line the whole week since we separate and he continued ask for commitment from me , Yesterday morning I finally told him that I can't give him any obligation for now and he stopped writing to me since . Although the affection between us is very strong I must be realistic in this situation I don't see any option for long term relationship between us. I am very confused now and I am sure he is hurt too . very complicated situation :(

[LoveThailand]

Thank you Brad for sharing your story. People are more focused here on why things cannot/will not work between an (older) Western man and a (younger) Thai - maybe those who have a chance will learn from your example. Sounds like a very important thing on many levels is that your partner has a job in the UK.
It IS a tremendous challenge - what with all cultural differences and totally different lifestyles. However, I do not understand how one should expect a Thai suddenly changing his values or allegiances. This is very arrogant in my book and unrealistic.
Unfortunately for me bringing a Thai bf to my home country is not an option because of general attitudes towards homosexuality. I wish it was different. And I do not think I can move to Thailand yet - because of work. So the only option is to wait a good few years - but by that time there is a high likelihood that I will be needing a nurse and not a BF :D

[scottish-guy]

...don't forget to emphasize that he was a bartender not a barboy when you tell your friends how you first met - lest they mistake him for a common hoe (how could they!). =))

Wow - get down off your ivory tower dear.

Presumably you consider it's SO much more respectable to be a middle-aged/elderly desperado punter running from bar to bar every night desperate to find a "hoe" to pay to fuck you?

Do you tell YOUR friends about that little habit?

:))

[Dave]

...don't forget to emphasize that he was a bartender not a barboy when you tell your friends how you first met - lest they mistake him for a common hoe (how could they!). =))

Wow - get down off your ivory tower dear.

Presumably you consider it's SO much more respectable to be a middle-aged/elderly desperado punter running from bar to bar every night desperate to find a "hoe" to pay to fuck you?

Do you tell YOUR friends about that little habit?

:))

I think you miss the irony in Scott's post. Very often these middle-aged/elderly desperadoes as you call them tend to whitewash the nature of their relationships with Thai boys, where they met, their respective backgrounds, etc. They talk of so-called acceptance of their "unconventional" relationship in Thai culture and yet try their best to portray that relationship in western, middle class terms of having met on holiday, fallen in love, helped the boy in some way and are now building a house with a white picket fence together. A Thai in the farang's position would simply see it as keeping a mistress and would be proud of the fact that he had the means to do it. The more mistresses, the wealthier and powerful he is perceived. If he and his mistress are happy with their arrangement, to hell with everyone else - unlike your middle-aged/elderly western desperado, the Thai benefactor doesn't seek or need approval from anyone.

[scottish-guy]

I don't think I missed anything at all - but thank you for your contribution ;;)

[Jellybean]

. . . elderly desperado punter running from bar to bar every night . . .
First, I was called a poof. Later I was called a queer. Then the Americanism, тАШfaggotтАЩ crossed the pond and I was called a faggot. Hmmm . . . that was a horrible little word.

Then in the 70s or 80s, I canтАЩt remember which, that lovely three letter word тАШgayтАЩ was used to describe me. At last . . . salvation, it was now acceptable to be homosexual. WeтАЩd entered the age of gay rights. We were out and proud. I was gay, or to certain straight people, тАШa gayтАЩ. LOL! We even had a song . . . Sing if youтАЩre glad to be gay.

So all was well in my gay world, i.e. until I entered my twilight years and came to Thailand. Then I became: a whoremonger, a sex-tourist, a sex-pat or a pursuer of male prostitutes. How disgusting they said. Why canтАЩt he sit at home and watch the telly like everyone else his age? Not bloody likely I thought!

Dear-oh- dear, how was I supposed to sleep at night under the weight of all those derogatory labels? Surely it was bound to put me off my stroke and interfere with my pursuit of a second hedonistic lifestyle. No, not one bit. Did I give a toss? Not a chance!

Now I learn I am also a desperado. Where is it all going to end? When will all this opprobrium stop being flung at me? When will they just leave me alone to enjoy my life?

But hey! Wait a minute. What if I put that lovely little word тАШgayтАЩ to good use once more?

Now, let me see . . . Jellybean, the gay desperado. Yes, itтАЩs definitely got a ring to it. I can live with that, I can sleep at night once more and all is well in my gay world. Deep sigh of relief . . .

=))

[Nirish guy]

"The Gay Desperado" lol yeah that does have a great ring to it, you can almost imagine it being some Saturday morning kids TV hero who rides into town each week on his pink unicorn to throw glitter in the eyes the bad straight kids who've been bullying the lonely gay kid at school each week whilst clicking his high heels and yelling " Hi ho Pinkie AGAYYY !!" Lol

[scottish-guy]

Well, since I appear to have tickled both your fancies - that'll be 2000B please!

:))

[Nirish guy]

Sorry i only pay 400 for Oral ! Latin taught me that :-)

[Jellybean]

. . . elderly desperado punter running from bar to bar every night . . .

Well, since I appear to have tickled both your fancies - that'll be 2000B please!
Yes Scottish-guy, I can say without a word of a lie that my fancy hasnтАЩt been ticked quite so much for a very long time. And IтАЩll admit to having had great fun drafting my earlier post and laughing out loud at the follow-up post by NIrish-guy.

But I knew that you couldnтАЩt possibly have been referring to me because I havenтАЩt ran anywhere for some considerable time, never mind running between bars on a nightly basis. Indeed, the bar-boys of Bangkok have come to recognise the tap, tap, tapping of my walking stick as I hobble along to the bars night after night in endless pursuit of sexual gratification.

Now, as regards your requested fee. Well, it may not have escaped your attention that I have been hanging out a great deal with the prince of parsimony himself. I am pleased to report that IтАЩve picked up quite a few tips at the feet of the master. And, as it is generally known that he can easily underbid latintopxxx, a spendthrift in comparison, in the sordid game of who can pay the lowest fee to our undervalued, hardworking, pillars of the go-go bar scene. I therefore have great pleasure in undercutting NIrishтАЩs offer and put a miserly 300 baht on the table. This is my last and final offer (or gaw-l╬╡╬╡o-gan as the Thais say). Alternatively, you can accept my offer to buy you a drink for being a great sport when you next find yourself in these parts.

There only remains one thing left to say . . . Hi-ho Pinkie AGAYY! =))

Jellybean, the Gay Desperado, strikes again!

PS A 1000 apologies to BOY69. You must think IтАЩve taken leave of my senses. My only excuse for going so widely off topic is that I missed my medication tonight. I do so hope that my more compos mentis fellow members have been able to resolve your confusion.

[Brad the Impala]

I think you miss the irony in Scott's post.

Well Dave, I guess most people did. You of course have a special insight into Scott's irony since you have such similar opinions and posting histories.

You both joined in the last year, both clearly with pre-knowledge of the posting histories of others and with a special interest in the goings on in Sunnee and underage availability. You also both belong in the small minotity that feel that Neal has been maligned. In fact "Dave's" second post was on the topic, as was "Scott's" first post. It's strange how so many of your, not very many, posts are on the same topic or even the same thread.


NEAL, FORMER OWNER of SGT HAS DIED


From allegedly misappropriating donation funds for orphans, Neal's memory is now being dragged further down the drain for not sharing his cakes and offering cold drinks to someone at a bar (where you can easily order a drink for yourself). What next; Neal was taking up too much space and breathing more than his fair share of fresh air? I'm sure fountainhall will think of something.

PS Thank you Surfcrest for clearing up the matter about the donation funds and posting the letter from the orphanage that did Neal did in fact pass on the donations. SC did in one day what fountainhall claimed he couldn't do in two years other than make a scurrilous accusation after Neal's death.

On the same day, 20th June, in the same thread a couple of hours later:


I don't believe anyone is totally good or totally bad. Neal had his detractors and he had his admirers and many people in between who just don't care either way but see no point in rehashing his alleged misdeeds again or again. I posted this on the Neal 'in memoriam' thread on Gaybutton before it was deleted:

"I knew Neal reasonably well and found him kind and generous. He was easy to get along with but then again I didn't give him any cause for aggravation. One day my Thai partner approached him for a donation for a temple that was being built in his village. Neal promptly took out 10,000THB in cash and promised my partner another 10,000THB later, which he kept. My partner offered to get him a receipt but he waved his hand and insisted that the donation be made anonymous. The people and monks in his his village were very grateful to Neal and my partner said Neal had a good reputation among Thai people and those who worked for him. When they heard he had died, the monks in the temple he helped build held special prayers for him."



UNDERAGE IN SUNNEE:


Gaybutton is certainly eager to show that is all is well with Sunee Plaza and that there's no drug or underage problem and yet the frequent raids as well as individual testimonies from patrons seem to contradict this. There can't be smoke without fire.



Even though Sunee is believed to have cleaned their act, it has been notorious for underage offerings.

Those "offerings" are still available, unfortunately. Just two nights ago a friend offed a boy who claimed to be 19 but turned out to be 16. A sharp hotel receptionist spotted his fake ID.



FAMILIARITY WITH SUNNEE BAR OWNERS:



It's all the same since your last thread about Double Shot In January 2014.
Yes. All this bitching about rival bars by thaiguest is getting tiresome. Enough already.



Anyone interested in the funeral details can find them here:

http://ducsbarandcoffeeshop.wordpress.com/



And then you were also both interested in a thread on Thai cultural behaviour on 20th June where Dave posted first:




It is a Thai cultural norm (still much more ingrained and pervasive than you seem to think) that people of either sex should not show excessive sexual feelings in public. The issue is whether we as guests visiting or living here should respect this cultural norm. We all know that there are farang slobs that don't,

Being able to read Thai minds as you do, would you say Gaybutton, Undaunted and others who have been screaming the end of the world at the possibility of sex shows being shelved under the current regime, fall under the category of "farang slobs"?

Incidentally, I didn't see you expressing your disgust and annoyance at the flagrant breach of Thai cultural 'norms' in those 'no more sex shows' threads or do you only reserve your disgust for young farangs in love who do not have to buy it as you do?

And a couple of hours later along came Scott, curiously taking as his starting point exactly the same quote from PeterUK, and even managing to quote his friend Dave's response!:





It is a Thai cultural norm (still much more ingrained and pervasive than you seem to think) that people of either sex should not show excessive sexual feelings in public. The issue is whether we as guests visiting or living here should respect this cultural norm. We all know that there are farang slobs that don't,

Being able to read Thai minds as you do, would you say Gaybutton, Undaunted and others who have been screaming the end of the world at the possibility of sex shows being shelved under the current regime, fall under the category of "farang slobs"?



I'm not sure whether to be impressed because PeterUK claims to know what 67 million Thai people are thinking or be offended because he in fact portraying them as sheep who are all thinking the same thing. I asked my partner and he said "no big deal, now normal"; a Thai school teacher neighbor who thought it was becoming more common and acceptable - worse things like gang rape and murder are happening and a friend of hers who just shrugged it off but not before asking "were they cute?" I guess in his eagerness to rush to judgement, PeterUK must have forgotten to read the thoughts of these three.


And then again in this thread, Dave, who hasn't posted since the 14th October, needs to explain about Scott's "irony". That is the same Scott who has miraculously reappeared having not posted since the 15th October.


Who will 'they" be coming back as next, and who were "they" before?? Answers on a postcard.......

[christianpfc]

Thanks to scottish-guy and Jellybean for their highly amusing posts.


I have been hanging out a great deal with the prince of parsimony

Such a construction (prince of parsimony, king of pop, media mogul ...alliteration is a plus) is called a majestonym*. They are very popular in German (Literatur Papst, Mode Zar, Medien Mogul), but less so in English? I am looking for a majestonym to describe someone who regularly goes to gay saunas and another one for someone who spends much time cruising public toilets (to bestow on the late LMTU).

*I just realize that majestonym is not on the internet, but that's what Sebastian Sick calls them in his book Der Dativ ist dem Genitiv sein Tod http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Der_Dativ_ist_dem_Genitiv_sein_Tod.

[Brad the Impala]

I think you miss the irony in Scott's post.

Well Dave, I guess most people did. You of course have a special insight into Scott's irony since you have such similar opinions and posting histories.

You both joined in the last year, both clearly with pre-knowledge of the posting histories of others and with a special interest in the goings on in Sunnee and underage availability. You also both belong in the small minotity that feel that Neal has been maligned. In fact "Dave's" second post was on the topic, as was "Scott's" first post. It's strange how so many of your, not very many, posts are on the same topic or even the same thread.


Surfcrest has confirmed that the poison pens of Dave and Scott were indeed two posters with a single identity and their accounts have been de-activated. So sadly we will not be hearing any further explanations from Scott about Dave's irony. Pathetic really to feel that you need to create fictitious posters to endorse your own opinions!

Of course behind both of them there will be another poster of longer standing, given their familiarity with the forum and it's contributors. Likely to have the same opinions/view of life. A Sunee regular, possibly even bar owner, sympathetic to Neal, given to discussions of venues that provide underage sex, and who posted on Gaybutton's site as below:


I posted this on the Neal 'in memoriam' thread on Gaybutton before it was deleted:

"I knew Neal reasonably well and found him kind and generous. He was easy to get along with but then again I didn't give him any cause for aggravation. One day my Thai partner approached him for a donation for a temple that was being built in his village. Neal promptly took out 10,000THB in cash and promised my partner another 10,000THB later, which he kept. My partner offered to get him a receipt but he waved his hand and insisted that the donation be made anonymous. The people and monks in his his village were very grateful to Neal and my partner said Neal had a good reputation among Thai people and those who worked for him. When they heard he had died, the monks in the temple he helped build held special prayers for him."


Under what name did this multiple headed poster post on Gaybutton, and under what other name has he been posting under here?

Should be a prize for the winner, or will someone own up. Not enough balls I think.

[Jellybean]

Well spotted Brad! I must say that your earlier post on this thread, for me anyway, came out of the blue and really took me by surprise. I never even considered anything was amiss. Clearly IтАЩm not paying enough attention.

I was going to say that our Troll Finder General, arsenal, was asleep on the job, but in all fairness to him, I donтАЩt think Dave and Scott were technically trolls. Is the correct term hydras? If so, then Brad the Impala has, through his decisive and quick witted action, become our latter day Hercules and slayer of the hydra, the many-headed forum poster. :ymapplause:

Surfcrest, maybe we should invent the new post of Hydra-Finder General? I nominate Brad as the first holder of the office, given his very keen eye and proven investigative skills.