Can you stay faithful to a BF?

[expathetic]

This morning I done a lot of 'reflecting" on myself.I have become used to the idea that I can never ever have a "real BF" or a genuine relationship unless it was a "open relationship' that is that both partners can have sex with other guys.

I say this because I was in the start of a genuine committed relationship with a much younger guy who had a professional occupation.
He was sincere and committed to making it work,but I unfortunately couldn't control my lust to have sex with other Thai guys be it at a Sauna or through PlanetRomeo.
I wanted both,I wanted a loving partner which he was,probaly everything us older guys could dream of.
He was relatively young at 28,goodlooking,gym body,professional occupation and wanted a committed relationship with an older Caucasian guy.

I too wanted a relationship,and because I was semi retired I stayed home most days whilst he went to work,we lived together,leaving me bored and thinking of sex with younger guys.
He was great at sex and we had sex nearly everyday,but I couldn't control my urge,particularly when my fetish was 18yo/19yo lads.

So I used to lie to him,even though he knew deep down that I was "cheating' whilst he was at work.
My excuses to him ranged from being bored to having stressful times and being lonely whilst he was at work.
At that time he was having 2 days free average a week from work but worked mostly 12 hour shifts.He worked in a hospital.
On those 2 days free we spent all day together.
I couldn't control my lust and finally he caught me out,he came back home to find me with a young guy who I had found on PlanetRomeo.
Since then he ended our relationship.
The point im trying to make is ,are you too in that predicament where you can never be faithful to one guy?

[francois]

Moi? My rule is don't ask, don't tell, The bf doesn't ask and I don't tell.

[expathetic]

I let him know he had my permission to see other guys for "casual sex" and I suggested if we both talked about how intentions first it would be ok,but he used to become irate at me speaking about that and wanted only one partner.
I did even go and see a Gay Psychologist in BKK about my problem which was a waste of money.He basically said to make a choice of being a butterfly or to settle down and then blamed the situation on my lifestyle saying I was not busy enough during the day whilst my BF had been at work.
He had suggested going to social Clubs,getting hobbies etc.

I really really want to get back with my BF,im sure I could remain faithful to him,just these "demons" draw me to younger guys for fun.

[arsenal]

Expathetic displays all the hallmarks of a troll. (-|

[Surfcrest]

Expathetic displays all the hallmarks of a troll. (-|
You're never wrong arsenal...I'll squish the flame.

Surfcrest

[Nirish guy]

lol although troll or not it was actually quite an interesting topic and one that has certainly crossed my mind a few times and im actually finding myself in that very same situation at the minute but butterfly is still winning ( by far) but I just wonder how long I can ( and should) push my luck in that regard without screwing up something a little more permanent - the term wanting ones cakes and eating it at the same comes to mind ! ...... Oh well, I'll maybe think about it again sometime next week as meanwhile I'm away for a shagg :-) lol

[arsenal]

Northern Irish: I hear Ladbrokes are offering odds of a million to 1 that you can be faithful for longer than it takes to make a decent Irish stew. So far...no takers. :))

[Nirish guy]

lol well now...... as I tell my Asian BF here the word "faithful" is all relative - does faithful mean his perhaps futile instance of my not shagging some guy here off Grindr here while he's away at work perhaps, or does that then also extend to my trips to Asia to "look at Temples" lol ( don't worry he's FULLY aware that I couldn't give a shit about temples as he has read many ( too many perhaps) of my messages between myself and my Thai "friends" so he's under absolutely no illusions there as to how I spend my time in Asia, or is "faithful' more just about us being there for each other and me being there for him in both a spiritual and also a very practical way and my standing doing his laundry for him and washing his dirty underwear while he sleeps without comment or driving him to visit his family when I'm tried and really can't be bothered where actually then the sex elsewhere becomes ( to me anyway) totally irrelevant, although whilst I fully believe and mean that last part I'm not sure that he's QUITE bought that line yet.... albeit it is actually true ( well to me anyway) - so yes AM I faithful, to me yes, to others perhaps not, it does all just depend on ones definition of the world "faithful" I guess - but like you said I wouldn't be going out and placing any "odds" on that changing "just yet" perhaps lol Oh and it goes without saying that all of the above only applies one way and if he fucks another guy while I'm out at work then he's one cheating wee shit who will hear about it once I find out ! ( double standards -- ABSO bloody LUTLEY ! lol

I only rent by the hour so the question never arises

[Nirish guy]

Ahhh but are you faithful to them within that hour - and now that I think about it if you're having a 3 or 4 some does that mean you're being unfaithful to ALL of them at the same time ? :-)

[arsenal]

It seems pointless to be gay and limit yourself to one sexual partner. Sex, is after all simply an extension of the entertainment industry.

N.Irishs' recipe for Irish Stew as endorsed by Delia Smith.
1. Purchase meat, vegetables and potatoes.
Have a shag.
2. Brown the meat in a pan.
Have a quickie.
3. Add stock and put on to simmer.
A litle sneaky one with a passing hot boy.
4. Add the potatoes and vegetables.
Screw in a dark room. (If it's dark, no one can see you so it doesn't count)
5. Eat the stew.
Replenished and re-energised go out and have sex.

[joe552]

Nice one, arsenal - but I hadn't realised that Delia was as big a slut as NIrish? Or was she just endorsing his (Northern) Irish stew recipe?

[francois]

I also found the topic by the OP of interest. Having been with my Thai bf for many years I would never want to lose him or part with him. And , no doubt, he is worried that I may seek someone else even though I assure him otherwise. My only reason for straying is too help the local economy continue to thrive for the benefit of one and all.

[latintopxxx]

Oh dear all these judeo christian straight jacket guilt trip morals. Most heteros stray so its ridiculous to expect two men to stay faithful/monogamous to one another...unless u r like over 70 and no longer even wake up with a morning glory in which case you might as well do the white picket fence thing.

[anonone]

I like NIrish and Francois posts on the subject.

I am deeply attached to BF. We click together in ways that I find delightful. I can realistically see us spending the rest of our lives together...for as long as that may be. We have a plan for the future.

That does not mean we are sexually monogamous. We sometimes play together with others. We sometimes play separately with others, though I think that is more on my side then his. (Or maybe I am delusional? LOL either way is OK with me).

"Faithful" is probably the wrong word...We can stay committed to each other, which is exactly what he and I both want.

[Gaybutton]

Faithful to a boyfriend? Well . . . uhhhh . . . which one?

[francois]

...unless u r like over 70 and no longer even wake up with a morning glory in which case you might as well do the white picket fence thing.

May you live long enough to eat those words, latintopxx. (~~)

[petr55]

Moi? My rule is don't ask, don't tell, The bf doesn't ask and I don't tell.

I ask myself this a lot.

What if my BF does the same thing to me? I dont think I would like it.

Also, I wonder if I am being suspicious of my bf because of my projecting my bad behavior and thinking he is doing the same to me.
We live worlds apart.

Or maybe it is just getting what I deserve....

The Czechs have an interesting concept which I like: LOVE is different from SEX.
Sex is a one night stand. It is just lust and it doesnt translate to love and commitment. You have sex once and never see the guy again.
If you develop a relationship, that is another thing.

Love is more of a committed relationship.

If I am not with my BF, I only do one night stands and I dont even bother to get or give my phone numbers or contact information.
I dont want it beyond that one night stand.

[latintopxxx]

francois....many thanks for the good wishes!! What I meant is that as a sexually active man I really really enjoy topping and certainly dont want to keep climbing onto the same arse ...so variety rules. Belive in quantity...fast turn over...get bored quickly. Once the sex drive cools down then like i said...might as well play the monogamous game.

Ahhh but are you faithful to them within that hour - and now that I think about it if you're having a 3 or 4 some does that mean you're being unfaithful to ALL of them at the same time ? :-)I'm faithful to whoever's in the same room at the same time as me. And since I believe if we're going to legalise "gay" marriage we should legalise polygamous unions as well ...

[francois]

francois....many thanks for the good wishes!! .

It was the reference to the white picket fence that withered my morning glory! Worse than a stake in the heart of an aging vampire.