My life as a Thai boy's husband

[lurker]

IтАЩve been a lurker over the years but never joined or posted. However as IтАЩm in Thailand on holiday I thought IтАЩd make some observations.

IтАЩve lived with the same Thai guy for almost 25 years; I sponsored him as my partner to Australia when Australia first allowed the immigration of gay partners. He has his own fairly well-paid job ($50K any way) so has no need to rely on me for financial support. However as they say тАЬYou can take the boy out of the village but youтАЩll never take the village out of the boyтАЭ. His father (an alcoholic wife-beater, common enough in Isaan villages) died 10 years ago leaving a widow and seven sons, my boyfriend among them. Do those six sons and their mother have their claws into my boyfriend!!

He came back to Thailand on his annual visit before me (and headed to the village for Songkran). I met him up in Bangkok after Songkran and we are staying in a 3-bedroom serviced apartment in the Silom/Sathorn area. That was my first big mistake. We donтАЩt sleep together so a two-bedder would have been enough but тАж

On his return from the village five members of his extended family came with him and camped out in the third bedroom (no permission asked). The three women were gone by the end of the first afternoon but a gay cousin stayed on for four nights, and was joined by first one, then another cousin. (The second of the two, also gay, was described to me as тАЬa slutтАЭ but I didnтАЩt get any offers!) By the time they were gone so had the contents of two bottles of whisky (neither I nor my boyfriend are even moderate drinkers)

We ate out together (between 4 and 8 of us) at least once a day. I paid every time тАУ thatтАЩs the Thai way, isnтАЩt it?

My boyfriend told me he had had a row with his mother before he came back to Bangkok. It all started, apparently, with her asking him for a financial contribution for his young nephew to become a monk. In the course of a conversation that started тАЬHeтАЩs not my son, why should I?тАЭ it covered all of his resentment of how the family treats him тАУ from hands out the moment they have a problem without thinking how they might resolve it themselves to open homophobia if he takes a тАЬfriendтАЭ to the village with him. And this is a family, mind you, with several pretty open homosexuals as members. None of the gay boys live in the villageтАУ far too much sense тАУ but none of them are bar boys or indeed have much to do with Westerners at all.

And then thereтАЩs the family home, in MumтАЩs name. That was mortgaged for 200,000 baht to pay the election тАЬexpensesтАЭ for the spendthrift eldest son a couple of years ago. He lost. My boyfriend is paying off the mortgage. He expects to inherit the property. Good luck with that, I say.

To be continued.

[lurker]

Continued тАж

We both fool around but given the Asian тАЬthick face, black heartтАЭ mentality of always making sure your opponent is on the back foot, I never do it at home so as to avoid the inevitable тАЬyou donтАЩt love meтАЭ nonsense (heтАЩs had several lengthy and obvious commitments but hey, heтАЩs Thai, itтАЩs OK for him).

Therefore I can comment on a number of features of A Gay SlutтАЩs Guide to Bangkok. Firstly I like cities. I like the hustle, the bustle, the anonymity, the sense of purpose, the whole rat-race thing. Neither of us have any interest in somewhere whose entire raison dтАЩetre is paid sex (that is, Pattaya). ThereтАЩs plenty of paid sex in Bangkok, and as youтАЩll read also plenty thatтАЩs free. I say that as someone approaching retirement and no oil painting.

But first, since I play outside the matrimonial home, a word on short-time hotels. BBB Inn had the smell of - I donтАЩt know тАУ moist, mould, something not overtly unpleasant, just stale. The room was functional, I suppose, but at 550 baht definitely overpriced. That old stand-by, the Suriwongse Hotel, was 440 baht for a much more pleasant room. Can someone explain why the room attendants at short time hotels feel the need to turn the television on? ItтАЩs not as if thereтАЩs porn showing, just fuzzy, analog, free-to-air Thai television.

No public washroom in the Silom area is gay-free in my experience. I picked up one guy who wanted no money and had more than an hourтАЩs solid, heavy-duty fun with him in a short-time hotel. Good English, mid twenties I think. My guess is that he is a тАЬkeptтАЭ boy as he said he used to work but now, not. On another occasion I walked into a less-frequented (as it turned out) washroom where I was alone with a young Thai. In a flash he had stripped off completely and stood there with his manhood proudly saluting. Another freebie.

Silom Complex seems haunted by a handful of falangs always on the prowl. Who is the one who looks like King George VI, does anyone know? HeтАЩs been around for years and has a companion who, in drag, might well look like a rather sad and sickly Queen Mum.

I went to Dream Boy mid-week, literally having nothing better to do. First drink was some ridiculous amount of money. The sign clearly said that Bangkok Boys and Dream Boy were combining for the evening. Perhaps the offering is what appeals to the Asian gay sightseeing crowd, but no more than 20 large-bodied (for Asians) men on stage did nothing for me. At Fresh Boys they tried to get me to go in, but I had had a drink beforehand at Maxis and could see directly into Fresh Boys. I doubt their line up went into double figures. I sat at Maxis for a couple of hours, even ate there. In that time I was the only customer most of the time.
Classic Boys now seem to have an offering that I would call тАЬtwinkтАЭ rather than тАУ on my last trip to Thailand тАУ тАЬscrawnyтАЭ. Some lovely boys, all around age 19 or 20. Lovely to look at, that is. My experience (and I tried four of them over a number of nights) absolutely no idea about sex. None whatsoever. I own a restaurant in Sydney and I tell my staff тАЬWe want our customers not only to have a great experience so theyтАЩll be back, but theyтАЩll tell all their friends and acquaintances about the great time they hadтАЭ. Thai bars and their boys, if Classic is any example, simply donтАЩt тАЬgetтАЭ that.

I did have a typical Only In Thailand conversation with one of them: Me: тАЬYou like to be top or bottom?тАЭ Him: тАЬI like be topтАЭ. Back in the room тАУ Me: тАЬWhy you not hard?тАЭ Him: тАЬIf you fuck me I get hardтАЭ. And he did.

To be continued.

[lurker]

A sidetrack ...

One of the things that has struck me forceably has been a slew of stories in the Bangkok Post about rich kids (and adults) behaving badly and getting away with it. While IтАЩve always understood that тАЬthe rich are differentтАЭ in Thailand that seems to be even more so.

A few years ago a teenage girl without a driverтАЩs licence while driving a car forced a pickup truck over the top of an expressway railing where it fell to ground level (or was it the next road down), killing and maiming several (poor) people. She was sentenced to тАУ are you ready for this тАУ two years suspended. A recent appeals court has amended the sentence, extending it to three years, but still suspended. Now however she must do 48 hours (yes, you read that right, hours) community service. Who is she? Her family name includes the suffix тАЬna AyutthayaтАЭ and if you know anything about Thailand thatтАЩs all you need to know.

Another story concerns two тАЬattractiveтАЭ young men who drive a Porsche тАУ into people. The people concerned are тАЬbuffaloтАЭ, the name the protesters give to the rural Northern poor, the supporters of the hated Shinawatra clan. Thanat тАЬNatтАЭ Thanakitamnuay is an heir to the Noble Home Development fortune. In the Vice News (https://news.vice.com/) video тАЬDriving Ferraris with Thai RoyalistsтАЭ he discusses the incident, saying тАЬI was just taking a joyrideтАЭ before he ran over the protestors. Some choice soundbites: тАЬWhen I had a problem, they [my parents] sent me to a better school. When I have another problem they send me to an even better school. And when I have lots of problems, they send me to the top school.тАЭ

Lastly there are the тАЬDemocratsтАЭ. Eton-educated тАЬMarkтАЭ Abhisit Vejjajiva was the prime minister and is still their leader. He has refused to attend meetings of the Electoral Commission, citing тАЬpersonal safetyтАЭ. He has also just been charged with the murder of a couple of Red Shirt protesters. Also accused is Fascist leader Suthep Thaugsuban, along with Thaksin Shinawatra one of the most corrupt politicians in Thailand. He however has airily dismissed the requirement to attend a police station to be charged with killing a couple of "buffalo" тАУ тАЬtoo busy, dear boy, not terribly convenient right now, my supporters and I are opposing ThaksinтАЩs corruption, defending democracy and the rule of law, and turning public property like Lumpini Park into a rubbish tipтАЭ

Not a sidetrack, more a dead end.

[homeseeker]

Entertaining posts OP: look forward to more installments!

[lurker]

My former bank manager has retired to Bangkok and I catch up whenever I am here. Like me he finds the younger Thais useless for sex. He has no boyfriend, just a few fuck buddies and a phone dedicated to their contact with him. We spent a couple of hours one evening at one of those small bars in Soi 4, just before you get to Telephone Bar. Their food menus are either Balcony's or Telephone's so eating there is quite OK. One game we played was to count up the number of Thais and the number of farang who wore a tank top, shorts and flip flops. The score was Thais = 2, farang = 20+. Boy did Thaksin get the marketing wrong when he promoted his Thailand Elite card to hi-so Westerners. A score or more men (and a few women) with their tattooed arms and legs represented the true face of Thailand's appeal to Westerners - lo-so white trash. Don't they look around and realise they're out of step sartorially?

We chose that bar as my friend has the hots for a waiter or two in that bar and its neighbour. One boy's shorts were very clearly filled I can tell you.

Despite his large income as a retired banker he complains perennially about the cost of living. He was shocked when I told him I had spent less than 200 baht the previous day, for three ample meals. Breakfast and lunch combined was roughly 60 baht, and for dinner I'd whipped up a gorgeous and nutritious meal consisting of a couple of poached eggs and some baked beans on toast. Have you any idea how good baked beans are for you? Look it up, darlings. Now you can actually get decent bread in Bangkok, not that white cardboard that the Thais have been peddling as bread for so many years.

Of course I then had some little luxuries as well - soda water with a squeezed fresh lime (10 baht?) and some Greenday "crisps" (30 baht) that I discovered in Tops or Villa when I'd been checking things out (as a restaurateur I have a professional interest in these things). The main luxury of the day (and every day, I must add) is a "Number 5" at the local Au Bon Pain (bagel with cream cheese) which taken as a combo with a medium size white coffee comes to a staggering 124 baht. Why is coffee so expensive by the way? In Sydney I know there's the rent and high wages for labor as the main ingredients to the cost, but in Bangkok I'm paying the same for a Starbucks "coffee" as I would in Australia (if I drank their muck, which I don't). You don't have to eat out for lunch and dinner every day, as he does.

The boyfriend has rustled up a massage boy for each us (no hanky panky so I'm told) so I'd better get ready.

[lurker]

My boyfriend's thoughts on Thailand 2014 are mixed. When he left nearly 25 years ago the personality cult (the one we can't talk about explicitly) had a central figure in his prime, and the boyfriend still views Thai politics through that prism. For him contemporary politics are a life-and-death struggle between two men, one now clearly past his prime, the other a populist figure who has done (in my boyfriend's opinion) great things for the poor people. So he's really torn and like many Thais speaks apprehensively of the future.

He had thought of returning to live in Bangkok if or when I retire. However Sydney is now home to a significant number of twice-migrated Thais. They went there to study and if possible settle, make some serious money and then return to Thailand. Once returned however they found the place intolerable and somewhere between the 12- and 24-month point went back to Sydney. His own plans are on hold - "let's see what happens when ... dies" is the answer he comes up with most often, realising all the while that he can express those sentiments freely and openly in Australia but not at all in Thailand.

Could I retire here? I have a few friends here. The cable television service is over-rated and way too expensive. I brought my banker friend a Samsung Blu-ray DVD player from Australia that he can plug into his Internet connection and watch some catch-up services (he uses UnoTelly to disguise the fact that he's in Thailand). Other than that there's torrents he can download. I saw some advertising for something called Expat TV which promises a box you can plug into your Internet connection that calls up a VPN and you can watch UK television. My friend was investigating it. Like so many things it relies on upfront-cost-plus-renewable-subscription model. I pointed out that he could buy a Roku 3 from the UK for a one off cost of less than the upfront for the advertised service, and get the same outcome. Apart from friends, and television?

Perhaps that's why my retired banker friend eats out so often. Nothing else to do?

Some of life's conveniences I miss, although they may be on their way. Contactless payments such as Visa Paywave? Can't do without it for small purchases like a cup of coffee. You just have to carry so much around here. Cash, BTS card, MRT card, some form of ID. And the petty bureaucracy. Why can I get a Senior Card (yes, I'm 60 and I got one) on the MRT but not on the BTS? The good things? The boys of course. BK Magazine. That's a real boon with suggestions of places to go (if not people to do). Temples? I'm an agnostic and observing my boyfriend's religious practices shows up Thai Buddhism as the sort of rampant superstition that we left behind us two or three hundred years ago. The boys of course. And then there's the boys. Of course.

[Oliver]

Thank you ; I don't think I've read more interesting and well-written posts. Please continue.

[lego]

Great posts, lurker, I've enjoyed reading them! Please keep them coming.

[jimnbkk]

I agree with Oliver and Lego. Really good read. Keep up the posts. At last, something interesting to read on a gay board!

A score or more men (and a few women) with their tattooed arms and legs represented the true face of Thailand's appeal to Westerners - lo-so white trash.Completely with you lurker. If No Tatts is the dress code at your restaurant maybe I will drop by next time Im in Sydney.

[lonelywombat]

I plan to be in Sydney in May. If you have no objection I too would plan to visit.

Up to you whether that is too close to home, for you to decide on.

[lurker]

My boyfriend went off to stay with an uncle for a couple of days so a friend invited me to sleep over last night. In short order he had rustled up some boys and a great time was had by all. It helps to have made some local Thai contacts I guess :ymdevil:

Over a drink he explained the development of every relationship with a Thai boy he's ever had. First there's the casual sex. Then the boy keeps staying over one or two, then for days at a time. Before you know what's happening he's pretty much moved in. Often this is close to the end of the month and you know he's given up his own room, usually shared with another boy or three, and has taken up permanent residence. Around this time there are often assertions of "I take good care of you" together with much obvious housekeeping, cleaning, washing, ironing and so on. He however eats street food and you eat alone, or insists you both eat out, for dinner at least. After a couple of months a new element is introduced, along the lines of "We need maid, I have sister (cousin, friend, whatever)". And the sex becomes less frequent.

From first kiss to last good-bye it's about four months! Fortunately (for him) my friend has money and travels back home every five or six months so the face-saving gesture is "I'm going away, you can't stay here without me, here's some money for a room". Think of it as a divorce settlement.

It rang several bells with me. In Sydney my boyfriend is indeed the housekeeper although we have a cleaner who "does" for us, makes sure the washing and ironing is done and so forth. My boyfriend cooks for me when I'm taking time off from the restaurant. However, in Thailand, his "I take care of you" instantly becomes "I find someone else to take care of you and {unspoken} you'll be paying". It's the Thai way I guess. I noticed he commandeered his gay cousin to do our laundry when they returned from the village.

Trust me, lonelywombat and brisbaneguy, there's nothing to see or do in North Ryde that would justify a visit to my restaurant.

[Marsilius]

Thanks for some very interesting, enjoyable and thought-provoking posts.

[lurker]

Dinner with another old friend last night. He wanted to ogle the waiters at Strangers/Connexions as well. What is it about those particular boys that's so alluring I wonder? (Mind you I'd "do" the tall one at Connexions if the offer was there). I told him the story of my boyfriend's row with his mother. Quite the wrong topic I'm afraid. He was apoplectic. "There is no homophobia in Thailand" he almost shouted out. Why, he had been to a village with a boy and was received with nothing but kindness. Not an ounce of homophobia. Does he speak Thai? Not much, not well. So he doesn't actually understand conversations going on around him? Well, no, and they were speaking Lao anyway, not Thai. Or maybe Khmer. Had he thought that the Thais were unlikely to kill off the golden-egg-laying goose by being offensive. "But they were smiling". The boy said everything was OK.

I changed the topic to a safer one. Did he find sex with boys from bars satisfactory? "Take the older ones" was his advice. "The boys may look young and pretty on stage but when their face is between your legs, that's when it counts!"

And on that topic I came across an article on the top concerns of gay escorts (http://www.queerty.com/the-surprising-results-in-a-new-study-on-male-escorts-20140425/) in America. The writer was surprised that HIV was not the top concern. No, as it turns out - and I wasn't at all surprised, this is how it should be - it is "Attracting the right clients and keeping them" closely followed by "How best to market yourself" and then "Financial planning". That seems a world away from jiggling from right to left while standing on a raised platform in your underwear. Given that the boy bar scene is largely aimed at tourists, here for a week or maybe two, perhaps it's not surprising that every night brings a fresh crop of customers and the effort of keeping one of them happy even for a few days doesn't seem worthwhile, because after those few days he'll be gone and maybe never coming back.

[lonelywombat]

You caught me out as I did not know of either Strangers or Connections. It must have longer since I stopped for more than a few days in Bangkok.

I did locate the details and here are the links. Gives me an even better picture of where you were and what you might have been up to

http://www.connectionsbangkok.com/ https://www.facebook.com/Connectionsbangkok

https://www.facebook.com/thestranger.bar

Looks like the sois has stepped up in recent times

I am enjoying your posts and hope you can become a welcome regular.

[lurker]

I did locate the details and here are the links. Gives me an even better picture of where you were and what you might have been up to

http://www.connectionsbangkok.com/ https://www.facebook.com/Connectionsbangkok

https://www.facebook.com/thestranger.barMy staff tell me Facebook is "so last year" and frankly I have never bothered.


I am enjoying your posts and hope you can become a welcome regular.Thanks but that is unlikely - way too busy with my business when I'm not in Thailand.

I think the one I fancy is on the left as you're looking at the picture:

[attachment=1:2sdgmsak]2014-04-27_9-55-28.jpg[/attachment:2sdgmsak]

Definitely the one at the far right in this one:
[attachment=0:2sdgmsak]2014-04-27_9-59-11.jpg[/attachment:2sdgmsak]

Great legs!!

[christianpfc]

Welcome! I haven't read such interesting reports for a while.

[lurker]

It's reassuring to find that the Bank of Thailand is a reader of this Forum. From next year all new ATM cards must be chip-and-pin (http://news.asiainterlaw.com/thai-banks-ordered-change-atm-cards/), and I'd bet that Visa Paywave will come along with it.

There's not been much to report and sadly the boyfriend and I leave for Sydney on Wednesday. I see that employees of Thai Airways have been photographed welcoming Suthep and the Fascists; perhaps I'll be boycotting that airline from now on. A report in this morning's Bangkok Post more or less suggested they're bankrupt but I don't see any Thai government allowing that to happen especially as it's such a source of various pleasures for A Certain Someone. Tonight I'm catching up with a university student who assured me when he flashed me his cock in the basement washroom of Silom Complex that all he wants to do is improve his English. Yes, another freebie. Why are you guys paying for sex when there's so much around for free on offer?

[Oliver]

Agreed; Thai Air should be boycotted by all anti-fascists. It s genuinely astonishing that this company kow-tows to a bunch of Poujadist thugs. I always assumed it was the national airline; and publicly owned.
But I suppose the directors wouldn't like the idea of the "buffalos" from Isaan having access to the toilets as they use.

[lego]

It's reassuring to find that the Bank of Thailand is a reader of this Forum. From next year all new ATM cards must be chip-and-pin (http://news.asiainterlaw.com/thai-banks-ordered-change-atm-cards/), and I'd bet that Visa Paywave will come along with it.
I've seen a number of 'points of sale' in Bangkok that accept Visa Paywave already, but yes, it's not all that common yet and I think Bangkok Bank is the only local bank issuing suitable cards so far. You're probably right that an increased number of chip-ready ATMs (again, only Bangkok Bank so far) will also mean that we will see more merchants where we can pay using Visa Paywave.



There's not been much to report and sadly the boyfriend and I leave for Sydney on Wednesday. I see that employees of Thai Airways have been photographed welcoming Suthep and the Fascists; perhaps I'll be boycotting that airline from now on. A report in this morning's Bangkok Post more or less suggested they're bankrupt but I don't see any Thai government allowing that to happen especially as it's such a source of various pleasures for A Certain Someone. Tonight I'm catching up with a university student who assured me when he flashed me his cock in the basement washroom of Silom Complex that all he wants to do is improve his English. Yes, another freebie. Why are you guys paying for sex when there's so much around for free on offer?
The short answer is, I usually don't pay either. ;) Safe travels!

Does anyone know if them "Rabbit" sales terminals will work with any card that has a chip or atre they somehow tied to Bangkok Bank's Rabbit cards??

[lego]

Rabbit terminals only work with Rabbit cards, but many shops that have Rabbit terminals also have other terminals as well (such as credit card processing terminals). I've got a Rabbit card for the BTS and I've occasionally used it at such a shop (McDonald's or a Major cinema) as well. Most of the time I've tried it works, but you cannot bank on it.

[orson]

i saw a paywave visa terminal in the 24 hour mcdonalds in silom. but alas the paywave feature does not work. you have to insert your chip card .