newalaan2
January 24th, 2014, 15:58
Face, Gaeng Jai and the limits my bf will go to avoid confrontation conspire to offer some of the strangest (to me/westerners) situations I have ever come across or witnessed in my life. Just one of the many things you have to come to terms with in Thailand. The first couple are in relation to my bfs village, but it's a feature of life anywhere in Thailand.
Just light-hearted observations.
We are walking through the village near the outskirts, we see a lad coming the other way from another village, he is gay but not generally liked in the area as he is a 'pest' when drunk and a trouble making gossip at other times. It's too late for the bfs normal first option of "avoiding action" in embarrassing or confrontational situations.........take another route before he notices! As we get closer the guy slows down to interact with bf. Bf stops and asks if the guy wants to join us later as we are having some friends and family round to the house. The boy says no thanks as he has a prior engagement, but thanks bf for invite, bf replies "sorry you can't make it, never mind maybe next time" (or words to that effect). Yes says the lad.
After the guy goes I ask, "why did you invite him to our get together tonite? you as well as all the others coming don't like him because he changes mood and personality when he gets boozy, he knows it, your friends know it so he doesn't like mixing with your friends. So why ask him?" The reply is.... "Gaeng Jai you know? Gaeng Jai!!" and it's a 'firm' reply!
So my bf asked someone he doesn't like to attend a party he doesn't want him to come to and the guy turned down the invitation showing disapppintment that he couldn't attend a function he had no intention of going to because he doesn't want to go and had absolutely no intention of accepting the invitation. So what was the point of the exchange, I was baffled. What if he HAD accepted it "he would have spoiled the night" I offer up......bf replies........ "he would never have accepted, he knew it, I knew it!". Even more baffling.
"Face" can be frustrating and odd at the best of times. "Gen" the muscular gay best volleyball player in the village goes to work in Scandanvia twice a year for about 3 months at a time. It isn't particularly skilled work but a friend of a relative stays there and the hourly wage is excellent for whatever he does. That twice a year income allows him to not have to work the rest of the year at home in the village. He stays in a 'normal' Issan village home although brick-walled and in good repair, has very little inside just the usual huge telly, fridge, sofa etc... Not particularly comfortable or attractive looking inside or out, a nice tlied floor is the best feature. So what does he do with his money? Buys a 1,000,000 baht top of the range vehicle, not even a pick up truck, an SUV. He 'put down' a basic up front payment and pays it up monthly over years. It's worth about 3-4 times the home the family live in. But here is the thing, this purchase has elevated him into a much higher social level not only in the village but in his own mind.
To see this lovely spanking-new vehicle parked next to the house is odd, when he is in the village he is just plain old "Gen" although with a slightly higher status in the villagers mind, but when out and about he sees himself in the same way as other strangers who don't know his background do, as a HiSo man about town. Pulls up in his one million baht car and gets instant attention wherever he goes, gets much more (false) fussiness at the 'pumps' . He of course HAS to be SEEN parking in a spot where he is SEEN exiting this vehicle. At the local buffet, the parking boys will always find him a space close to the restrauant where he can be seen, even though there are a few vehicles lining up there before him, they also accept any preference given to him. He of course tips them in accordance with his new found HiSo-ness. It's bizarre.
Avoiding confrontation/face. Bf would rather lose money on a deal than have a confrontation. We went to Surin area with two friends (the ones now in Navanakorn) We had to have an elephant ride of course there. It is late in the day the manhoots are winding down. We appear, they are delighted to have customers late in the day. I agree a price for very short 2 elephant rides at Bt500 per elephant. We finish trip the manhoot waits for payment, I say bf to pay him as I have to get the car, he comes back to the car, I am now owe bf Bt500.."why?" apparently the manhoot said "only Bt1000! how will the elephants eat I need at least another Bt500!! quote forcibly to bf, so of course he immediately caves in and gives it. I would'nt have, bf knows it, the manhoot knows it, my mistake for letting him pay!
We are exiting Paradise complex Phuket, I have an agreement with the hotel for 50% off the expensive parking. The security guy at the gate of the complex kindly suggested it to me. After 2 days of the car sitting the cost is officially Bt400, I have a chit from the hotel reception to reduce it to Bt200. We stop at the gate, the guy takes my parking ticket and chit and asks for Bt400, this is the same guy who suggested I get a concession, "but why? I have a chit!"........but the chit isn't stamped properly! "but you know its from reception and I know it is"....so I offer Bt200, the gate man is unsure, bf digs me in the ribs "just pay him the Bt400! just give him!" I whisper back "but he will just pocket the Bt200 I have gone to the trouble of trying to secure for us!" needless to say my Scottish-ness kicks in, I reverse the car, take back the chit, walk to the hotel and get the 'proper' stamp...the receptionist says it shouldn't have mattered the security guy knew the chit was ok without the stamp! we go. Bf starts up..."why didn't you just give him Bt400 we would have got out quicker!" We are in Phuket for a holiday we have loads of time....the correct fee was Bt200, we could buy lunch with that! I scratch my head, rather than have an issue, bf would have given Bt200 more. Of course it's not the money for me just the principle, but worth it in the opinion of bf for avoiding confrontation (at any cost!).
There are many other examples. Any other members with extreme examples of "gaeng Jai" or "face" and "face saving" and have the Expats/long time visitors come to fully understand when these situations are occurring?
Just light-hearted observations.
We are walking through the village near the outskirts, we see a lad coming the other way from another village, he is gay but not generally liked in the area as he is a 'pest' when drunk and a trouble making gossip at other times. It's too late for the bfs normal first option of "avoiding action" in embarrassing or confrontational situations.........take another route before he notices! As we get closer the guy slows down to interact with bf. Bf stops and asks if the guy wants to join us later as we are having some friends and family round to the house. The boy says no thanks as he has a prior engagement, but thanks bf for invite, bf replies "sorry you can't make it, never mind maybe next time" (or words to that effect). Yes says the lad.
After the guy goes I ask, "why did you invite him to our get together tonite? you as well as all the others coming don't like him because he changes mood and personality when he gets boozy, he knows it, your friends know it so he doesn't like mixing with your friends. So why ask him?" The reply is.... "Gaeng Jai you know? Gaeng Jai!!" and it's a 'firm' reply!
So my bf asked someone he doesn't like to attend a party he doesn't want him to come to and the guy turned down the invitation showing disapppintment that he couldn't attend a function he had no intention of going to because he doesn't want to go and had absolutely no intention of accepting the invitation. So what was the point of the exchange, I was baffled. What if he HAD accepted it "he would have spoiled the night" I offer up......bf replies........ "he would never have accepted, he knew it, I knew it!". Even more baffling.
"Face" can be frustrating and odd at the best of times. "Gen" the muscular gay best volleyball player in the village goes to work in Scandanvia twice a year for about 3 months at a time. It isn't particularly skilled work but a friend of a relative stays there and the hourly wage is excellent for whatever he does. That twice a year income allows him to not have to work the rest of the year at home in the village. He stays in a 'normal' Issan village home although brick-walled and in good repair, has very little inside just the usual huge telly, fridge, sofa etc... Not particularly comfortable or attractive looking inside or out, a nice tlied floor is the best feature. So what does he do with his money? Buys a 1,000,000 baht top of the range vehicle, not even a pick up truck, an SUV. He 'put down' a basic up front payment and pays it up monthly over years. It's worth about 3-4 times the home the family live in. But here is the thing, this purchase has elevated him into a much higher social level not only in the village but in his own mind.
To see this lovely spanking-new vehicle parked next to the house is odd, when he is in the village he is just plain old "Gen" although with a slightly higher status in the villagers mind, but when out and about he sees himself in the same way as other strangers who don't know his background do, as a HiSo man about town. Pulls up in his one million baht car and gets instant attention wherever he goes, gets much more (false) fussiness at the 'pumps' . He of course HAS to be SEEN parking in a spot where he is SEEN exiting this vehicle. At the local buffet, the parking boys will always find him a space close to the restrauant where he can be seen, even though there are a few vehicles lining up there before him, they also accept any preference given to him. He of course tips them in accordance with his new found HiSo-ness. It's bizarre.
Avoiding confrontation/face. Bf would rather lose money on a deal than have a confrontation. We went to Surin area with two friends (the ones now in Navanakorn) We had to have an elephant ride of course there. It is late in the day the manhoots are winding down. We appear, they are delighted to have customers late in the day. I agree a price for very short 2 elephant rides at Bt500 per elephant. We finish trip the manhoot waits for payment, I say bf to pay him as I have to get the car, he comes back to the car, I am now owe bf Bt500.."why?" apparently the manhoot said "only Bt1000! how will the elephants eat I need at least another Bt500!! quote forcibly to bf, so of course he immediately caves in and gives it. I would'nt have, bf knows it, the manhoot knows it, my mistake for letting him pay!
We are exiting Paradise complex Phuket, I have an agreement with the hotel for 50% off the expensive parking. The security guy at the gate of the complex kindly suggested it to me. After 2 days of the car sitting the cost is officially Bt400, I have a chit from the hotel reception to reduce it to Bt200. We stop at the gate, the guy takes my parking ticket and chit and asks for Bt400, this is the same guy who suggested I get a concession, "but why? I have a chit!"........but the chit isn't stamped properly! "but you know its from reception and I know it is"....so I offer Bt200, the gate man is unsure, bf digs me in the ribs "just pay him the Bt400! just give him!" I whisper back "but he will just pocket the Bt200 I have gone to the trouble of trying to secure for us!" needless to say my Scottish-ness kicks in, I reverse the car, take back the chit, walk to the hotel and get the 'proper' stamp...the receptionist says it shouldn't have mattered the security guy knew the chit was ok without the stamp! we go. Bf starts up..."why didn't you just give him Bt400 we would have got out quicker!" We are in Phuket for a holiday we have loads of time....the correct fee was Bt200, we could buy lunch with that! I scratch my head, rather than have an issue, bf would have given Bt200 more. Of course it's not the money for me just the principle, but worth it in the opinion of bf for avoiding confrontation (at any cost!).
There are many other examples. Any other members with extreme examples of "gaeng Jai" or "face" and "face saving" and have the Expats/long time visitors come to fully understand when these situations are occurring?