newalaan2
December 22nd, 2013, 06:30
WARNING! It's very very long and definitely a rambling one. I don't know! I just need for some reason to get some of these half-composed posts in drafts cleared out. This represents 3 or 4 different one's collected together. Some of this I've always been planning to add to other threads about specific parts of gay lads lives, or general village life which may come up but there hasn't been much opportunity for a good while now so I'll just spew it out in a one-er. There are also passages which are just about normal village life in general and not specifically of gay interest. Might even be useful to any readers considering a trip to Issan. I know there have been a few descriptions of life in the country, this is just what I have encountered on a personal level.
Please don't bother posting just to complain it's too long and boring, you can see at a glance how long it is, rather just pass-by onto another thread. Christianpfc does not have a claim to every ordinary, not-particularly-exciting long-winded posts on this Board! I really need to arrange to get some little stars to award to anyone who can be bothered to see through to the very end! Sorry no pics it's just been cobbled together with one run-through for spelling/grammar errors and I don't particularly want it to be recognised or advertised, just an anonymous but actual village.
But please do criticise, correct, or give your own personal takes on some of the things here. Nothing is made up, it's all just as I see it or get first hand from bf, but I would be very, very keen to get corrections from experienced Issan visitors or the input of other's visits to Issan, Bkk and even Pattaya when it comes to gay interaction with normal thai life.
In the comedy series Little Britain one character professes to be the "only gay in the village"........in bfs village no such pretence could be remotely possible. In bfs village there are a number of out, comfortable-with-their-sexuality, gays and katoeys. There are about 15 close gay friends in the village but easily 30+ gay and katoey lads in the immediate area. Comfortable too with it are the rest of the village as there is equal respect for all villagers based purely on their character traits rather than sexual preferences. I don't know if it is the same in all Issan villages as I can only give my impressions from what I have witnessed and what bf tells me as well as discussions with extended family and friends there. If there is a stigma it is very well hidden.
Generally as Bong Tong says in his Chiang Mai information, while the gay lads do tend to congregate for chatting and based on close friendships...... out on the town, bar or disco visits, karaoke and drinks around home are all mixed affairs, with gays, katoeys, straight men and females mixing easily. What definitely helps is the fact that the females in the family and village are very close with the gay and katoey lads. The only hostility I have seen in the village over 6-7 years is either with persistant drunks, family squabbles or potential thieves (kammoy). Drunks are tolerated, I'm not talking about 'normal' folks getting pissed during a get-together I'm talking about actual alcoholics who spend most of their time outwith their labouring to earn the money for the Kao Khao getting drunk on it in a very sad cycle. There are a few in the village. Strangely they are kept at bay from annoying folks too much as all the village dogs seem to recognise these drunks instantly and quite aggressively bark when they approach.
Anyway just to say that as far as I can see/tell while there is some intolerance in the village it's not geared in any way towards gays or katoeys. All the gay lads contribute to general life in the village. They work just as hard as other guys, but do tend to veer towards the lighter tasks, in the village there is a lot of small enterprises shared by family members, such as basket weaving and suchlike which get sold in the bigger towns, cultivation of specific foods like mushrooms, pig rearing. Pig rearing is the oddest, the gay lads feed, wash, look after these pigs for months or whatever until they reach the slaughter stage, then they shriek in horror as the pigs are 'done in' and butchered...as it's not a pretty noise or sight! they then have no problems in tucking into the delicious organically reared pork!
They do plant and cut rice although they hate doing it, as it interferes with their nails and would darken their skin if they didn't cover from head to toe in what looks like a burka outfit. Harvesting fruit, collecting mushrooms is part of their tasks.....this offers up a great afternoon out...its called "gep het" "to collect mushrooms". The entourage of family and friends number from about 10 to 15 comprising (on average) about 4 older mothers/grandmothers, couple of young mothers, couple of young females and gay lads as well as kids and me, head out for what is essentially a nature trail. The kids show me all the diffierent creatures and what they are capable of. The 'kinds' of ants, which ones bite, which ones to avoid, which do this and that.....only one definite no-no is NO killing of any creature unless you are prepared to eat it, apart from mossies and fly's. So we pick certain special mushrooms as we go, "this one ok!" "not this! poison!"
We only have water with us, because we eat as we go! natures abundant buffet on the hoof! all kinds of fruit....some with warnings from the kids..don't eat to much of that it wlll give you diarrhea.....not too many of them or you will be farting all night! I've known some of them since they were toddlers so no embarrassment in my company. 4 hours of banter, laughter, as good as any Discovery Channel nature program for me. (Difficult not to veer off topic about gay life in the village but there is so much going on). Gay lads provide much of the banter, with a lot of bitchy "watch you don't break a nail on that mushroom teerak" "you are taking a chance bending over to pick that mushroom with 'him' behind you!" etc... you get the drift... On the way a lesson for me on crop cycles of what is grown and when the growing and havesting seasons are.
The kids climb the trees (dangerously in my opinion) to get to ripe fruits which have not already fallen. Everything is shared of course, I tend to offer older females first but they then pass anything to the kids first. The kids are all from different families but are all loved and taken care of. Kids from families with alcoholic, ill or extremely poor parents are given equal (from what I witnessed) treatment and encouragement. Other subjects for discussion are 'all the family members and villigers not present in the company'...bitches!...they are incredibly enthusiastic gossipers. A small huddle, voices go soft as they gossip outwith kids hearing.....I imitate them.....bursts of laughter, the farang knows what we are doing!
One thing you do find out when visiting a village is just how much different fruits there are to eat naturally in Thailand, there are dozens and dozens, we think of appples, oranges, grapes, bananas, pineapples etc....but there are a multiutude of seed-based food and fruits which don't even look edible. Eat as you go, nature trail with a comedy show put on by the gay lads, what a wonderful way to spend a four-hour afternoon.
On the 'no killing creatures' aspect is a typical exchange between me and bf.....me..."look! ants kill them! or they'll bite or swarm round the food"..... Bf "why kill? what have they done to you? leave them alone or move the scent trail to somewhere out of way....if you want to kill to eat them let me see you...if not leave them!" Well that's me told!
The close family refer to me as my commonly known name say....'Alaan' although I have another nickname when in Thailand not only for Issan but in Pattaya and Bkk with guys who know me. Some, I was told by bf, are shy of seeming too familiar or rude to call or refer to me by my actual name, as odd as that sounds, and therefore 'farang' is sometimes used, or simply "him"...whats "his" name what does "he" do by those unfamiliar with me. Does anyone else have any experience of being referred to as a 'farang' because some thais they are around don't feel sufficiently familiar enough to you to use your actual name? or have come across this explanation or reject my bfs explanation? Some of the more long-time expats or visitors might be able to shed light on that.
All the gay lads call me by my name, even conversations I don't fully inderstand I can clearly hear Alaan or my other nickname. They don't just refer to me as the farang!
Social interaction.
After a day in the fields or just a natural collection coming together at bfs house or wherever......invited friends and family arrive in dribs and drabs. Some only appear for a hello "I hear your bf is back", stop only for a glass or mouthful of something, anything...water, beer, whisky, coke.....it's just the polite thing to offer and accept. When I am not there........these gatherings are EXACTLY the same set up, so while many farangs might think or be told it's for their benefit only, (of course there will be some examples of that) for many it will be the normal get together but with a guest in attendance during 'their' visit..
There are cliques. A typical special evening around my bfs home if I am there is.........Family are there anyway for the main shared meal, the non-drinkers have a coke and either hang around for the banter or just head off to bed, after eating finishes everyone plays with or interacts with the kids, then they head off to bed. More dribs and drabs arrive, never alone, always in 2's 3's etc.. They then split up into cliques.....men with whisky/Lao Khao rounds on one mat, females gossiping on the raised rickety podium for sitting or mats, the gay lads and katoeys on another couple of mats. 4 friends might arrive with a half finished bottle of whisky or some beer, I have never had a social gathering where I bought all the drink, sometimes I will stipulate it's 'my' party and I'm paying, but even then others will always either pay for or arrive with contributions. They don't guzzle down the booze, there are very long intermissions between turns to have the Kao Khao shot. Glasses are topped up and ice fetched by the youngest, 10 year old's head off on the Fino for ice and snacks.
I am always invited to the 'manly-men's' mat, I don't particularly enjoy Lao Khao but as a youngster in Northern Scotland I was brought up on White Whisky from the distilleries before it is barrelled. So I can easy take a shot, I usually take one or maybe two at most two for politeness/fun, I don't follow it with water or M150 or anything, I can't as its the way we always drank White Whisky as youths and teens in Scotland. That impresses the men! I am invited to the manly-men's mats because as everyone knows I am a MAN! I drink Lao Khao without a chaser, I have a gay bf, village girls like me, I play guitar and not keyboards, I can drive one of their 3 geared tractors, I can lift things, I can get my hands dirty, I play football, I can change a tyre etc, I don't mince around.... I can't possibly be gay according to the family, friends and the manly-men! I'm a top man with a penchant for gay lads/femme boys that's all.....nothing wrong with that!
Bf skips between the various cliques, as do individuals from each of them, I also tour the cliques, but my home one is the men one! Questions are asked about me, sometimes in front of me as if I were not there or some kind of alien and of me during the whole evening, just very basic 'want to know' questions, what work does he do, how much does he earn? how old is he etc... As the evening progresses the slow drinkers fall out one by one or go home to sleep depending on next days work load. Then the groups integrate much more, in an exchange of banter the gay lads win out almost every time, and it is funny,very funny.
A few of the 'men' get drunkish and this is where I notice changes, where certain so called 'men' get into deepish conversations with certain gay lads or katoeys, they for some reason don't seem to notice how this integration is progressing, I suppose because they are all getting a bit tipsy, but from the outside looking in you can....usually I'm not drunk, (I don't mix my drinks, its either a whisky night or a beer night or as is more common nowadays a wine night, never mix any of these and drink water inbetween so I don't get too drunk, just happy).....the lines of who is what get blurred.
Things can get touchy-feely...bf assures me this is not anything serious only joking around! I beg to differ! people 'slip away' here and there and it's next day I find out the nitty griity about who might have disappeared with who, but it is NEVER EVER discussed in the open. These guys and gals are adept at keeping their mouth firmly shut...it's not even a subject for gossip! the bf will tell me when we are alone as it is very difficult to pick up on the subtleties but that is the only time I hear it discussed, even when the gay lads are together away from the others no mentions are made, it really is as if nothing ever happened.....CIA and Mi5 would be proud of these gay lads ability to keep things under wraps! Now I have to say that these incidents don't happen every night or anything like it, but do happen. Mutual benefits. A gay lad's needs and a mans needs and a bit of booze. Sexual interaction between unmarried or not-yet engaged males and females is an absolute no go! (officially that is!) and the Resorts are all staffed by someone who is going to know someone else so liaisons are difficult, but can be accommodated.
A typical night out at the karaoke.
We decide a night at the karaoke is on. We go there at 7pm, I prefer open-to-all karaokes where I can hear a range of songs, the resort close the the village now has VIP rooms. All agree to go for a VIP room, everything is done in a very democratic way. It is very large, could hold 20. there are 3 sofas, a long table with plenty of chairs, this is really used for serving drinks and eating. The karaoke system is state-of-the-art, superb speaker system, quality original karaoke songs. Wireless mics. First there are myself , bf 'R', bf niece 'Pow', bf is youngest of 4 with 3 older sisters, bf was clearly a 'mistake' so his oldest sister's daughter is 20, bf is 25. Her friend home from studying at Uni is 'Tang' she is 20 but looks about 16. bf and I are drinking beer, so we order 4 large Leos, ice, girls are on Blend285 and soda coke water. 3 others arrive.......2 boys with, as yet, no real 'official' classification on sexuality.....the jury is still out, they hang around with my bf and their out-gay friends, comfort eachother, share each others worries, 'Was' and 'Nooker' are the two 'unclassifieds' and 'Gen' out-gay but straight acting in the village.
A few plates of food, the song requests are shared fairly equally, sometimes a request only for a specific song but not karaoke to listen to or dance to, I can sing a little so I have some credibility and shock from the guys who have never seen a farang at very close quarters let alone singing, I can sing a little thai too, with Clash and Loso particularly as the lead singers of those bands are in my 'very limited' vocal range. The evening is a bit like slow version of musical chairs as the various foks move around, the girls like to sit with me, as being gay I can't possibly be a threat to the 'face' of their young male admirers, but maybe they think they could 'turn me' as I am a man after all, and not a queeny gay bottom type! Although there is not much english skills and my Thai is basic it is enough to interact, much of the interaction is often slapstick, facial expression etc anyway even between them. The youngest males or females serve all the drinks and re-oder stuff, it's just the way it is in Issan so I am discouraged from seeing to my own drink, if I make an effort to refill my glass it is magically whipped out of my hand and returned exactly as I like it, one cube of ice, beer with froth head.
There is a lot of singing, chatting, everyone always seems to be doing something, on the go, moving around, out to toilet, taking a call, checking the iPhone, so time passes very quickly indeed. Labanoon is the common band all ages and extreme music tastes like so the last few songs are an en-masse sing-along with various individuals taking lead vocal when needed. I can join in with this as I know their songs but also because the more famous superstars have English lyrics on screen as well as Thai script.
About 11pm the bill is called for. It arrives, 'nooker' grabs it first, he carefully checks over it, nods and without any interaction with anyone rakes out Bt300 and attaches it to this bill and hands it to 'Wan', he does the same nods and adds his Bt200, 'Gen' likewise and adds his contribution, he then hands it to bfs niece she checks it and its ok, then some Issan words, and she looks at bf, what she has essentially said is, "do you want a contribution from me?" bf thinks for a moment turns to lads....more words...ok! its announced that the girls are to be exempt with all in agreement, bf will pick up their share of the tab, bf adds our share and its passed back to 'nooker' who pays the bill and announces tip to waiter, if you think it's only farang who give bigger tips based on waiter-cuteness you are wrong.....Thais also use this method.
The unused drinks are gathered up and come with us. Motocys back to wherever, bf and I back to my room at the Resort. On the first couple days and last couple days we stay at the Resort, days in between we stay at the family home, the kids like me to stay there....but sometimes we like a bit of peace! Not only us...the Resort is used by married couples and lovers just to get a break from the family in their face, a couple hours is Bt150, a night is Bt350...the VIP chalets are Bt500 now with WiFi, aircon, hot shower, western toilet, decent size for luggage.
Trip to the local bar/Disco.
On another night we go to the nearest bar and disco in the town about 5km away 5 mins by car/motocy. Arrive at 9pm, there are 3 musicians on stage singing folk songs and taking requests, they are excellent. There is about 50 people in this outside open typical pub/bar, wooden tables, rustic look, carabao skulls and cowboy stuff. We are in very mixed company tonight with 2 separate tables, the other table has a female close friend of my bf, her family are well off, she has one of the 'unclassified' boys at her table as well as a couple females and males, we have about 6, me, bf 2 gay lads niece and friend. I go to the toilet, "hello sabai dee mai?" asks a young guy, he knows which company I am in, so he is just being friendly, "yes" say I..."snaook mai"/having fun? I ask..." yes!" "wong-dontree dee mak" /band is very good I say, "yes I like Kumpee" says he... "yes chop mak Kumpee" /I like very much, this is a typical exchange not just between me and thai but between thai and thai, thais tend not to diuscuss deep subjects and talk in very simple terms I find. Often stating the obvious to nods of agreement, whereas most westerners wouldn't bother to say. Most of the talk is about what is going on around us. But also you don't really need to know a vast amount of Thai to get interactions off the ground.
12 midnight and it's on into the bar's disco building.......small venue, but good DJ and music system, the girls are dancing in my opinion a bit too provocatively, the man-boys at the disco tend not to dance much........but just kindof stare and drool at the girls between drinks, our gay/straight mix crowd are all dancing as if it were their last night on earth! Gay lads are great dancers and even have a few drooling looks from the manly men there. Everyone floats about, around, inside and out, to toilets, talk here and there, serve drinks, flirting......some of the man-boys tentatively move in for a dance with our girls, they are permitted one or two...but the gals are firmly in charge here, and nobody will overstep the mark........everyone in the place is enjoying themselves all smiles even from the frustrated man-boys, plenty of thumbs up and glass chinking by the men/youths with the gay lads and their foreign friend, while there can be drunken exchanges...tonight it is all happiness and fun! Compared to a Pattaya night.......boys and men here are much more inhibited I suppose because everybody kindof knows somebody somewhere in town or local villages or one of the families so it's all quite tame.
Bill time! same routine as the karaoke, but all this bill checking of course is just a bit of face 'cause they are too drunk to notice even if there was an error, we already settled the bill for outside bar, we moved bottles of whisky from outside to disco so only needed one more bottle of whisky as well as the ice, mixers, food, cigarettes and one or two Spy dinks for the girls, this is our last night so bf and I want to cover the bulk of the bill, but still a hundred or two appears attached to the bill, the female who is close friend of my bf clearly has a bit of money, she is NOT going to let us pay the whole Bt1200 or so bill, we have about Bt300 from others and she insists on adding Bt500, we pay the rest......there is no fuss, no discussion as such everybody is cool about the bill paying. I only make a point of telling about the bill just to show that in 'normal' Thailand while the westerner may be expected to make a larger contribution than the others, equally so are the thais who are well off.
Gay lads mixing in the village.
One of our group of friends is 'Gen' he is out-gay, 6 foot and muscle......sturdy, to look at him you would think man! handsome and attractive! then witness him mincing around the karaoke or clubs when dancing away or if the Issan/Lao music comes on camp as the katoeys. But he is well respected by all in the village including the young macho men. He is the best volley ball player in the village, every tattood man wants to be in his side, his declaration of a rule or if the ball is in or out is the one which is universally accepted. None of the tough macho men would ever considier confronting him, the other lads join in the volleyball too, from 4pm till 6pm or sundown on and around the volley ball court on a clearing in the middle surrounded by houses, chickens, dogs tractors and all the rest. The rest of us mix with the villagers who come along to have a relaxing moment and take in the game. Sitting around perching on motorcycles......gives the opportunity for other villagers to be introduced to me...."can he understand Thai?" is the common first comment to my bf so they can know how much they can say about me in front of me. When I hear that it is me who usually answers in Lao-Issan, "Borr/boa (no) I don't understand what you are saying!"... puzzled look...then a huge Issan smile breaks out over their face.
Some on the forums have taken a dig at my declaring I prefer to mix with Thais rather than other westerners on my visits to Thailand (although I would never ignore a polite acknowledgement and do engage in occasional brief chats) but......would I rather be discussing the latest price of a bottle of Heineken in BBB or how awful these money-grabbing Thais are with some farang in Pattaya or enjoying the cool late-afternoon breeze with good natured lovely Thai folks out in the sticks watching a bunch of lean late teen early 20's athletic topless lads playing volleyball? I'm not the only one, why is there a few teen females and older katoeys in our crowd?
'Noo' is another respected individual he is campish, is an out-gay 'bottom' but is strong upper body. He's the best and most in-demand plougher in the village, plougher of soil that is, the motorised 2-stroke engine tractor needs a good amount of not only strength but skill and technique which Noo has stacks of, he is in demand all through the year and earns the largest per hour wage in the village as he is so efficient. Gay bottom, campish but the 'main man' when it comes to the tractor and is regonised by the men as such.
Gay boys are always invited to any Issan music nights in the village, there are often private dancing nights for a birthday or new hut having been erected any excuse really! and where other villagers not close family or friends aren't expected to attend many of the katoeys and gay lads are specifically invited to give the occasion a bit of a lift, they can dance and provide entertainment by just being their natural selves, they are very popular. Mothers and grandmonthers love them, girls love them and even other boys eye them up. I see it all the time especially once a bit of whisky has been downed. They are not ridiculed, they are an integral part of the village life. Unique in many ways. In the village when a villager dies, all work in the ceases for a couple of days, no matter who the person is, nobody goes to work. To say that lives are celebrated in the village is an understatement their lives are celebrated and celebrated!, Issan dancing, booze, food and an excuse to "Len Pie" "play cards" a pastime only tolerated on holidays and deaths!
So playing cards and boozing is done for Thai new year, 1st January new year, christmas, any holidays, festivals and deaths. That is probably about 40+ days per year for these '"special event reasons" not far off one per week!
Gay lads are also the main hair cutters and arrangers of their friends, family and even female hair in the village. Haircuts run at about 20-40 baht, hair dying, styling etc.. on the front porches of family homes. Hair day at bfs tomorrow, electrical power outlets strewn around the front area, tongs, hairdryers, clippers, leg hair removing equipment all done outside but in the shade. I wash my hair, I am ordered out to the porch to have it dried. It's so soft!! It's to show that even a farang 'trusts' their skills. You don't pay for that though, ony for a specific hair cut or hair dying session where colourants have to be used and bought.
During the hair session which starts early morning a variety of sellers pass by on pick ups, bicycles, motorcycles , carts etc... 10am a fruit seller comes round. we all eat fruit. 12 noon the ice cream man comes round we all eat 5 baht ice cream cones and lollies. 1pm the honey seller arrives selling large bottles of honey. Some of the men buy it to mix with Lao Khao a bit like adding M150 mixing to sweeten it. 2pm another different fruit seller arrives we eat different fruit. As well as mats, floor brushes and even second hand 'quality' clothes.
What do the gay lads work at? Well apart from those mentioned like the rice harvesting and planting, crop harvesting....Corn especially, specialist veg and fruits collection, basket and mat weaving, there is a lot of work as waiters at the various Resorts around the area, of which there are 6 I know of with restaurants attached. The biggest resort I stay at has 15 chalets to be serviced, some are used hourly so a lot of cleaning work, the Resort has also about 20 small wooden huts on wooden stilts in the middle of the small lake which forms part of the Resort, as well as karaoke rooms. Open from 10am to 10 pm plenty of work for gay lads. There are many normal town shops and businesses in the nearest town only 5km away so there are plenty of jobs, only they are of course not very high paying ones but more than enough to live on in Issan.
The gay lads also form part of another harvesting crew. Some of the land owners grow a crop, I'm not sure if it is a sugar type of crop, but it is has a sturdy stalk more wooden in structure. The owner of the piece of land negotiates a price with our villagers to buy and harvest the crop. This is a speculative bid, the owner accepts a price way below the top market price to save him harvesting or paying for it, but possibly above the lowest market price, so a smallish but guaranteed margin for him. Around 20 family and friends combine including the gay lads to harvest this crop, its hard work....a whole day's toil sometimes two. The harvested crop is then transported to the local factory about 20km away where it is processed and, depending on the market price on the day, the volume of other harvested crops from around the area also on the day, decides if they make a loss, break even or more often than not get a decent return split 20 ways. If the factory is really short of basic product they can do very well. Any loss days which do happen is also shared by the 20. It is the original hedge bet!
Maybe somebody can suggest what this crop is, I've never really had it explained accurately by the bf. All presumptions in the post are my own, there may be inaccuracies, they are just observations really. I would welcome corrections and updates from others as well as any similar experiences.
Please don't bother posting just to complain it's too long and boring, you can see at a glance how long it is, rather just pass-by onto another thread. Christianpfc does not have a claim to every ordinary, not-particularly-exciting long-winded posts on this Board! I really need to arrange to get some little stars to award to anyone who can be bothered to see through to the very end! Sorry no pics it's just been cobbled together with one run-through for spelling/grammar errors and I don't particularly want it to be recognised or advertised, just an anonymous but actual village.
But please do criticise, correct, or give your own personal takes on some of the things here. Nothing is made up, it's all just as I see it or get first hand from bf, but I would be very, very keen to get corrections from experienced Issan visitors or the input of other's visits to Issan, Bkk and even Pattaya when it comes to gay interaction with normal thai life.
In the comedy series Little Britain one character professes to be the "only gay in the village"........in bfs village no such pretence could be remotely possible. In bfs village there are a number of out, comfortable-with-their-sexuality, gays and katoeys. There are about 15 close gay friends in the village but easily 30+ gay and katoey lads in the immediate area. Comfortable too with it are the rest of the village as there is equal respect for all villagers based purely on their character traits rather than sexual preferences. I don't know if it is the same in all Issan villages as I can only give my impressions from what I have witnessed and what bf tells me as well as discussions with extended family and friends there. If there is a stigma it is very well hidden.
Generally as Bong Tong says in his Chiang Mai information, while the gay lads do tend to congregate for chatting and based on close friendships...... out on the town, bar or disco visits, karaoke and drinks around home are all mixed affairs, with gays, katoeys, straight men and females mixing easily. What definitely helps is the fact that the females in the family and village are very close with the gay and katoey lads. The only hostility I have seen in the village over 6-7 years is either with persistant drunks, family squabbles or potential thieves (kammoy). Drunks are tolerated, I'm not talking about 'normal' folks getting pissed during a get-together I'm talking about actual alcoholics who spend most of their time outwith their labouring to earn the money for the Kao Khao getting drunk on it in a very sad cycle. There are a few in the village. Strangely they are kept at bay from annoying folks too much as all the village dogs seem to recognise these drunks instantly and quite aggressively bark when they approach.
Anyway just to say that as far as I can see/tell while there is some intolerance in the village it's not geared in any way towards gays or katoeys. All the gay lads contribute to general life in the village. They work just as hard as other guys, but do tend to veer towards the lighter tasks, in the village there is a lot of small enterprises shared by family members, such as basket weaving and suchlike which get sold in the bigger towns, cultivation of specific foods like mushrooms, pig rearing. Pig rearing is the oddest, the gay lads feed, wash, look after these pigs for months or whatever until they reach the slaughter stage, then they shriek in horror as the pigs are 'done in' and butchered...as it's not a pretty noise or sight! they then have no problems in tucking into the delicious organically reared pork!
They do plant and cut rice although they hate doing it, as it interferes with their nails and would darken their skin if they didn't cover from head to toe in what looks like a burka outfit. Harvesting fruit, collecting mushrooms is part of their tasks.....this offers up a great afternoon out...its called "gep het" "to collect mushrooms". The entourage of family and friends number from about 10 to 15 comprising (on average) about 4 older mothers/grandmothers, couple of young mothers, couple of young females and gay lads as well as kids and me, head out for what is essentially a nature trail. The kids show me all the diffierent creatures and what they are capable of. The 'kinds' of ants, which ones bite, which ones to avoid, which do this and that.....only one definite no-no is NO killing of any creature unless you are prepared to eat it, apart from mossies and fly's. So we pick certain special mushrooms as we go, "this one ok!" "not this! poison!"
We only have water with us, because we eat as we go! natures abundant buffet on the hoof! all kinds of fruit....some with warnings from the kids..don't eat to much of that it wlll give you diarrhea.....not too many of them or you will be farting all night! I've known some of them since they were toddlers so no embarrassment in my company. 4 hours of banter, laughter, as good as any Discovery Channel nature program for me. (Difficult not to veer off topic about gay life in the village but there is so much going on). Gay lads provide much of the banter, with a lot of bitchy "watch you don't break a nail on that mushroom teerak" "you are taking a chance bending over to pick that mushroom with 'him' behind you!" etc... you get the drift... On the way a lesson for me on crop cycles of what is grown and when the growing and havesting seasons are.
The kids climb the trees (dangerously in my opinion) to get to ripe fruits which have not already fallen. Everything is shared of course, I tend to offer older females first but they then pass anything to the kids first. The kids are all from different families but are all loved and taken care of. Kids from families with alcoholic, ill or extremely poor parents are given equal (from what I witnessed) treatment and encouragement. Other subjects for discussion are 'all the family members and villigers not present in the company'...bitches!...they are incredibly enthusiastic gossipers. A small huddle, voices go soft as they gossip outwith kids hearing.....I imitate them.....bursts of laughter, the farang knows what we are doing!
One thing you do find out when visiting a village is just how much different fruits there are to eat naturally in Thailand, there are dozens and dozens, we think of appples, oranges, grapes, bananas, pineapples etc....but there are a multiutude of seed-based food and fruits which don't even look edible. Eat as you go, nature trail with a comedy show put on by the gay lads, what a wonderful way to spend a four-hour afternoon.
On the 'no killing creatures' aspect is a typical exchange between me and bf.....me..."look! ants kill them! or they'll bite or swarm round the food"..... Bf "why kill? what have they done to you? leave them alone or move the scent trail to somewhere out of way....if you want to kill to eat them let me see you...if not leave them!" Well that's me told!
The close family refer to me as my commonly known name say....'Alaan' although I have another nickname when in Thailand not only for Issan but in Pattaya and Bkk with guys who know me. Some, I was told by bf, are shy of seeming too familiar or rude to call or refer to me by my actual name, as odd as that sounds, and therefore 'farang' is sometimes used, or simply "him"...whats "his" name what does "he" do by those unfamiliar with me. Does anyone else have any experience of being referred to as a 'farang' because some thais they are around don't feel sufficiently familiar enough to you to use your actual name? or have come across this explanation or reject my bfs explanation? Some of the more long-time expats or visitors might be able to shed light on that.
All the gay lads call me by my name, even conversations I don't fully inderstand I can clearly hear Alaan or my other nickname. They don't just refer to me as the farang!
Social interaction.
After a day in the fields or just a natural collection coming together at bfs house or wherever......invited friends and family arrive in dribs and drabs. Some only appear for a hello "I hear your bf is back", stop only for a glass or mouthful of something, anything...water, beer, whisky, coke.....it's just the polite thing to offer and accept. When I am not there........these gatherings are EXACTLY the same set up, so while many farangs might think or be told it's for their benefit only, (of course there will be some examples of that) for many it will be the normal get together but with a guest in attendance during 'their' visit..
There are cliques. A typical special evening around my bfs home if I am there is.........Family are there anyway for the main shared meal, the non-drinkers have a coke and either hang around for the banter or just head off to bed, after eating finishes everyone plays with or interacts with the kids, then they head off to bed. More dribs and drabs arrive, never alone, always in 2's 3's etc.. They then split up into cliques.....men with whisky/Lao Khao rounds on one mat, females gossiping on the raised rickety podium for sitting or mats, the gay lads and katoeys on another couple of mats. 4 friends might arrive with a half finished bottle of whisky or some beer, I have never had a social gathering where I bought all the drink, sometimes I will stipulate it's 'my' party and I'm paying, but even then others will always either pay for or arrive with contributions. They don't guzzle down the booze, there are very long intermissions between turns to have the Kao Khao shot. Glasses are topped up and ice fetched by the youngest, 10 year old's head off on the Fino for ice and snacks.
I am always invited to the 'manly-men's' mat, I don't particularly enjoy Lao Khao but as a youngster in Northern Scotland I was brought up on White Whisky from the distilleries before it is barrelled. So I can easy take a shot, I usually take one or maybe two at most two for politeness/fun, I don't follow it with water or M150 or anything, I can't as its the way we always drank White Whisky as youths and teens in Scotland. That impresses the men! I am invited to the manly-men's mats because as everyone knows I am a MAN! I drink Lao Khao without a chaser, I have a gay bf, village girls like me, I play guitar and not keyboards, I can drive one of their 3 geared tractors, I can lift things, I can get my hands dirty, I play football, I can change a tyre etc, I don't mince around.... I can't possibly be gay according to the family, friends and the manly-men! I'm a top man with a penchant for gay lads/femme boys that's all.....nothing wrong with that!
Bf skips between the various cliques, as do individuals from each of them, I also tour the cliques, but my home one is the men one! Questions are asked about me, sometimes in front of me as if I were not there or some kind of alien and of me during the whole evening, just very basic 'want to know' questions, what work does he do, how much does he earn? how old is he etc... As the evening progresses the slow drinkers fall out one by one or go home to sleep depending on next days work load. Then the groups integrate much more, in an exchange of banter the gay lads win out almost every time, and it is funny,very funny.
A few of the 'men' get drunkish and this is where I notice changes, where certain so called 'men' get into deepish conversations with certain gay lads or katoeys, they for some reason don't seem to notice how this integration is progressing, I suppose because they are all getting a bit tipsy, but from the outside looking in you can....usually I'm not drunk, (I don't mix my drinks, its either a whisky night or a beer night or as is more common nowadays a wine night, never mix any of these and drink water inbetween so I don't get too drunk, just happy).....the lines of who is what get blurred.
Things can get touchy-feely...bf assures me this is not anything serious only joking around! I beg to differ! people 'slip away' here and there and it's next day I find out the nitty griity about who might have disappeared with who, but it is NEVER EVER discussed in the open. These guys and gals are adept at keeping their mouth firmly shut...it's not even a subject for gossip! the bf will tell me when we are alone as it is very difficult to pick up on the subtleties but that is the only time I hear it discussed, even when the gay lads are together away from the others no mentions are made, it really is as if nothing ever happened.....CIA and Mi5 would be proud of these gay lads ability to keep things under wraps! Now I have to say that these incidents don't happen every night or anything like it, but do happen. Mutual benefits. A gay lad's needs and a mans needs and a bit of booze. Sexual interaction between unmarried or not-yet engaged males and females is an absolute no go! (officially that is!) and the Resorts are all staffed by someone who is going to know someone else so liaisons are difficult, but can be accommodated.
A typical night out at the karaoke.
We decide a night at the karaoke is on. We go there at 7pm, I prefer open-to-all karaokes where I can hear a range of songs, the resort close the the village now has VIP rooms. All agree to go for a VIP room, everything is done in a very democratic way. It is very large, could hold 20. there are 3 sofas, a long table with plenty of chairs, this is really used for serving drinks and eating. The karaoke system is state-of-the-art, superb speaker system, quality original karaoke songs. Wireless mics. First there are myself , bf 'R', bf niece 'Pow', bf is youngest of 4 with 3 older sisters, bf was clearly a 'mistake' so his oldest sister's daughter is 20, bf is 25. Her friend home from studying at Uni is 'Tang' she is 20 but looks about 16. bf and I are drinking beer, so we order 4 large Leos, ice, girls are on Blend285 and soda coke water. 3 others arrive.......2 boys with, as yet, no real 'official' classification on sexuality.....the jury is still out, they hang around with my bf and their out-gay friends, comfort eachother, share each others worries, 'Was' and 'Nooker' are the two 'unclassifieds' and 'Gen' out-gay but straight acting in the village.
A few plates of food, the song requests are shared fairly equally, sometimes a request only for a specific song but not karaoke to listen to or dance to, I can sing a little so I have some credibility and shock from the guys who have never seen a farang at very close quarters let alone singing, I can sing a little thai too, with Clash and Loso particularly as the lead singers of those bands are in my 'very limited' vocal range. The evening is a bit like slow version of musical chairs as the various foks move around, the girls like to sit with me, as being gay I can't possibly be a threat to the 'face' of their young male admirers, but maybe they think they could 'turn me' as I am a man after all, and not a queeny gay bottom type! Although there is not much english skills and my Thai is basic it is enough to interact, much of the interaction is often slapstick, facial expression etc anyway even between them. The youngest males or females serve all the drinks and re-oder stuff, it's just the way it is in Issan so I am discouraged from seeing to my own drink, if I make an effort to refill my glass it is magically whipped out of my hand and returned exactly as I like it, one cube of ice, beer with froth head.
There is a lot of singing, chatting, everyone always seems to be doing something, on the go, moving around, out to toilet, taking a call, checking the iPhone, so time passes very quickly indeed. Labanoon is the common band all ages and extreme music tastes like so the last few songs are an en-masse sing-along with various individuals taking lead vocal when needed. I can join in with this as I know their songs but also because the more famous superstars have English lyrics on screen as well as Thai script.
About 11pm the bill is called for. It arrives, 'nooker' grabs it first, he carefully checks over it, nods and without any interaction with anyone rakes out Bt300 and attaches it to this bill and hands it to 'Wan', he does the same nods and adds his Bt200, 'Gen' likewise and adds his contribution, he then hands it to bfs niece she checks it and its ok, then some Issan words, and she looks at bf, what she has essentially said is, "do you want a contribution from me?" bf thinks for a moment turns to lads....more words...ok! its announced that the girls are to be exempt with all in agreement, bf will pick up their share of the tab, bf adds our share and its passed back to 'nooker' who pays the bill and announces tip to waiter, if you think it's only farang who give bigger tips based on waiter-cuteness you are wrong.....Thais also use this method.
The unused drinks are gathered up and come with us. Motocys back to wherever, bf and I back to my room at the Resort. On the first couple days and last couple days we stay at the Resort, days in between we stay at the family home, the kids like me to stay there....but sometimes we like a bit of peace! Not only us...the Resort is used by married couples and lovers just to get a break from the family in their face, a couple hours is Bt150, a night is Bt350...the VIP chalets are Bt500 now with WiFi, aircon, hot shower, western toilet, decent size for luggage.
Trip to the local bar/Disco.
On another night we go to the nearest bar and disco in the town about 5km away 5 mins by car/motocy. Arrive at 9pm, there are 3 musicians on stage singing folk songs and taking requests, they are excellent. There is about 50 people in this outside open typical pub/bar, wooden tables, rustic look, carabao skulls and cowboy stuff. We are in very mixed company tonight with 2 separate tables, the other table has a female close friend of my bf, her family are well off, she has one of the 'unclassified' boys at her table as well as a couple females and males, we have about 6, me, bf 2 gay lads niece and friend. I go to the toilet, "hello sabai dee mai?" asks a young guy, he knows which company I am in, so he is just being friendly, "yes" say I..."snaook mai"/having fun? I ask..." yes!" "wong-dontree dee mak" /band is very good I say, "yes I like Kumpee" says he... "yes chop mak Kumpee" /I like very much, this is a typical exchange not just between me and thai but between thai and thai, thais tend not to diuscuss deep subjects and talk in very simple terms I find. Often stating the obvious to nods of agreement, whereas most westerners wouldn't bother to say. Most of the talk is about what is going on around us. But also you don't really need to know a vast amount of Thai to get interactions off the ground.
12 midnight and it's on into the bar's disco building.......small venue, but good DJ and music system, the girls are dancing in my opinion a bit too provocatively, the man-boys at the disco tend not to dance much........but just kindof stare and drool at the girls between drinks, our gay/straight mix crowd are all dancing as if it were their last night on earth! Gay lads are great dancers and even have a few drooling looks from the manly men there. Everyone floats about, around, inside and out, to toilets, talk here and there, serve drinks, flirting......some of the man-boys tentatively move in for a dance with our girls, they are permitted one or two...but the gals are firmly in charge here, and nobody will overstep the mark........everyone in the place is enjoying themselves all smiles even from the frustrated man-boys, plenty of thumbs up and glass chinking by the men/youths with the gay lads and their foreign friend, while there can be drunken exchanges...tonight it is all happiness and fun! Compared to a Pattaya night.......boys and men here are much more inhibited I suppose because everybody kindof knows somebody somewhere in town or local villages or one of the families so it's all quite tame.
Bill time! same routine as the karaoke, but all this bill checking of course is just a bit of face 'cause they are too drunk to notice even if there was an error, we already settled the bill for outside bar, we moved bottles of whisky from outside to disco so only needed one more bottle of whisky as well as the ice, mixers, food, cigarettes and one or two Spy dinks for the girls, this is our last night so bf and I want to cover the bulk of the bill, but still a hundred or two appears attached to the bill, the female who is close friend of my bf clearly has a bit of money, she is NOT going to let us pay the whole Bt1200 or so bill, we have about Bt300 from others and she insists on adding Bt500, we pay the rest......there is no fuss, no discussion as such everybody is cool about the bill paying. I only make a point of telling about the bill just to show that in 'normal' Thailand while the westerner may be expected to make a larger contribution than the others, equally so are the thais who are well off.
Gay lads mixing in the village.
One of our group of friends is 'Gen' he is out-gay, 6 foot and muscle......sturdy, to look at him you would think man! handsome and attractive! then witness him mincing around the karaoke or clubs when dancing away or if the Issan/Lao music comes on camp as the katoeys. But he is well respected by all in the village including the young macho men. He is the best volley ball player in the village, every tattood man wants to be in his side, his declaration of a rule or if the ball is in or out is the one which is universally accepted. None of the tough macho men would ever considier confronting him, the other lads join in the volleyball too, from 4pm till 6pm or sundown on and around the volley ball court on a clearing in the middle surrounded by houses, chickens, dogs tractors and all the rest. The rest of us mix with the villagers who come along to have a relaxing moment and take in the game. Sitting around perching on motorcycles......gives the opportunity for other villagers to be introduced to me...."can he understand Thai?" is the common first comment to my bf so they can know how much they can say about me in front of me. When I hear that it is me who usually answers in Lao-Issan, "Borr/boa (no) I don't understand what you are saying!"... puzzled look...then a huge Issan smile breaks out over their face.
Some on the forums have taken a dig at my declaring I prefer to mix with Thais rather than other westerners on my visits to Thailand (although I would never ignore a polite acknowledgement and do engage in occasional brief chats) but......would I rather be discussing the latest price of a bottle of Heineken in BBB or how awful these money-grabbing Thais are with some farang in Pattaya or enjoying the cool late-afternoon breeze with good natured lovely Thai folks out in the sticks watching a bunch of lean late teen early 20's athletic topless lads playing volleyball? I'm not the only one, why is there a few teen females and older katoeys in our crowd?
'Noo' is another respected individual he is campish, is an out-gay 'bottom' but is strong upper body. He's the best and most in-demand plougher in the village, plougher of soil that is, the motorised 2-stroke engine tractor needs a good amount of not only strength but skill and technique which Noo has stacks of, he is in demand all through the year and earns the largest per hour wage in the village as he is so efficient. Gay bottom, campish but the 'main man' when it comes to the tractor and is regonised by the men as such.
Gay boys are always invited to any Issan music nights in the village, there are often private dancing nights for a birthday or new hut having been erected any excuse really! and where other villagers not close family or friends aren't expected to attend many of the katoeys and gay lads are specifically invited to give the occasion a bit of a lift, they can dance and provide entertainment by just being their natural selves, they are very popular. Mothers and grandmonthers love them, girls love them and even other boys eye them up. I see it all the time especially once a bit of whisky has been downed. They are not ridiculed, they are an integral part of the village life. Unique in many ways. In the village when a villager dies, all work in the ceases for a couple of days, no matter who the person is, nobody goes to work. To say that lives are celebrated in the village is an understatement their lives are celebrated and celebrated!, Issan dancing, booze, food and an excuse to "Len Pie" "play cards" a pastime only tolerated on holidays and deaths!
So playing cards and boozing is done for Thai new year, 1st January new year, christmas, any holidays, festivals and deaths. That is probably about 40+ days per year for these '"special event reasons" not far off one per week!
Gay lads are also the main hair cutters and arrangers of their friends, family and even female hair in the village. Haircuts run at about 20-40 baht, hair dying, styling etc.. on the front porches of family homes. Hair day at bfs tomorrow, electrical power outlets strewn around the front area, tongs, hairdryers, clippers, leg hair removing equipment all done outside but in the shade. I wash my hair, I am ordered out to the porch to have it dried. It's so soft!! It's to show that even a farang 'trusts' their skills. You don't pay for that though, ony for a specific hair cut or hair dying session where colourants have to be used and bought.
During the hair session which starts early morning a variety of sellers pass by on pick ups, bicycles, motorcycles , carts etc... 10am a fruit seller comes round. we all eat fruit. 12 noon the ice cream man comes round we all eat 5 baht ice cream cones and lollies. 1pm the honey seller arrives selling large bottles of honey. Some of the men buy it to mix with Lao Khao a bit like adding M150 mixing to sweeten it. 2pm another different fruit seller arrives we eat different fruit. As well as mats, floor brushes and even second hand 'quality' clothes.
What do the gay lads work at? Well apart from those mentioned like the rice harvesting and planting, crop harvesting....Corn especially, specialist veg and fruits collection, basket and mat weaving, there is a lot of work as waiters at the various Resorts around the area, of which there are 6 I know of with restaurants attached. The biggest resort I stay at has 15 chalets to be serviced, some are used hourly so a lot of cleaning work, the Resort has also about 20 small wooden huts on wooden stilts in the middle of the small lake which forms part of the Resort, as well as karaoke rooms. Open from 10am to 10 pm plenty of work for gay lads. There are many normal town shops and businesses in the nearest town only 5km away so there are plenty of jobs, only they are of course not very high paying ones but more than enough to live on in Issan.
The gay lads also form part of another harvesting crew. Some of the land owners grow a crop, I'm not sure if it is a sugar type of crop, but it is has a sturdy stalk more wooden in structure. The owner of the piece of land negotiates a price with our villagers to buy and harvest the crop. This is a speculative bid, the owner accepts a price way below the top market price to save him harvesting or paying for it, but possibly above the lowest market price, so a smallish but guaranteed margin for him. Around 20 family and friends combine including the gay lads to harvest this crop, its hard work....a whole day's toil sometimes two. The harvested crop is then transported to the local factory about 20km away where it is processed and, depending on the market price on the day, the volume of other harvested crops from around the area also on the day, decides if they make a loss, break even or more often than not get a decent return split 20 ways. If the factory is really short of basic product they can do very well. Any loss days which do happen is also shared by the 20. It is the original hedge bet!
Maybe somebody can suggest what this crop is, I've never really had it explained accurately by the bf. All presumptions in the post are my own, there may be inaccuracies, they are just observations really. I would welcome corrections and updates from others as well as any similar experiences.