A positive deed? My first "off". We shall see

[morse]

I have been a pretty regular traveler to Thailand the last 15 years, but until November of 2012 had never set foot in a go-go bar, I guess that is the term- where flesh parades on stage. I am probably older than most of those who read this forum and am never quite sure if what I read in the forum is fantasy or fact. I have my suspicions! My young-and there IS a vast difference in our ages- Thai bf and I both like lady boy shows and cabaret, and so after we met (on a gay website) we began searching out gay venues that offered some type of lady boy show; hence my introduction to the Thai gay bar scene. (Yes, I knew it existed, but never had any inclination to visit a gay bar where one could choose a boy to take home. I did, and still do, find that aspect revolting.) Now I am polite, generous, considerate, well dressed, meticulous in my personal hygiene and exercise daily to keep in the best shape possible, but I am appalled that I can "buy" a boy for the night and he essentially has no say in the matter if he wants to maintain his employment with the bar.
Last month we were in a bar waiting for the show and so were watching the boys rotate around the stage. I mentioned to my bf that I thought two of the guys were very attractive and pointed them out. My bf said no, but pointed out one he thought attractive. I watched his pick and while most of the boys tried to make eye contact with people in the audience, his pick studiously tried to avoid looking at anyone. We had been chatting with the mamasan who, unlike much of what I have read in this forum, was very polite and reserved and not at all pushy, and asked her to have him come and sit with us. And he was really VERY good looking. I asked him if he liked working at the bar. He said no. I paid the bar fine for him and asked him to join us for dinner and said I would pay him a thousand baht. He readily agreed-I can only imagine he must have wondered what would follow after dinner. After dinner we exchanged phone numbers and we invited him to meet us in Bangkok for another dinner when he was in town. About a week later he called and we arranged to meet.
As it turned out, he had finished his college degree but had no job and no money and was good looking, so.......
I offered to give him modest support until he could find work if he would leave the bar business. The next day he quit and moved in with a friend in BKK. I left a couple of thousand dollars with my bf to use at his discretion to carry through with my part of the bargain. I am back in the US and will return to BKK in January. My bf said our bar friend is running low on funds, but has not yet asked for money.
I know a fair amount of forum discussion revolves around offs from bars, and I would be hypocritical if I decried sex for money, but I find the system thoroughly demeaning if it is correct, as I am led to believe, that the boys have little say if the customer pays the fee. On GR one might be able to purchase exactly the same service, but at least the boy has the opportunity to make a judgment from a photo and personal data and at worst flee the premises.

[dinagam]

The boys are in the business for various reasons. Some stay at it for hardly a day, while many others remain until they start to lose their teeth one by one. Some people cannot change their fate so easily.

[bobsaigon2]

If we are talking about commercial sex, then I wonder if one form is much more or less demeaning than another.

This is a recurring topic that always generates debate. Just how much тАЬsayтАЭ a go-go boy has probably depends on the boy and the bar.

I tend to side with those who point out that the boys are not forced to work in go-go bars. They could opt for a job with 7-11 or work in a factory. Or, they could work in host bars where they are usually more free to choose which customers to accept. Many are drawn to the go-go bars because of tales of generous (gullible) farangs and possible long term support by one or more farangs.

The confirmed skeptics among us will wonder if the boy you are helping actually stopped work in the bar or went back on stage to snag another farang.

If it takes a couple of years for him to find a job, will your support continue during that time?

[timmberty]

morse do you pay your thai bf an amount of money each month ? if so he is not really that much different to the boys on show. if not lucky you.

Oh god another holier than thou I thought for the moment Beachlover had returned except this one claims to be older than most of us. In his nineties is he?

[Marsilius]

bobsaigon2 is absolutely right. The vast majority of boys are not coerced into working in go-go bars. It is their choice to do so, having weighed up the advantages against the disadvantages. It may well be that some of them find aspects of the job distasteful, but in that case they have the option to find work elsewhere or, indeed, go back home to tend that proverbial and permanently sick buffalo.

[DragonMaster]

I am appalled that I can "buy" a boy for the night and he essentially has no say in the matter if he wants to maintain his employment with the bar.

Morse, this is certainly not the case with the Krazy Dragon. It is entirely up to the boy whether or not he wants to go with a customer as it is with a lot of other bars. I would have to question the boys motive for working here though if he turned down every customer. The simple fact is that many of the boys work in the bars because they want to, not because they are forced to as others have already pointed out. Most of the bar boys really enjoy several things, drinking whiskey, spending money, and going to the clubs when the bars close. Those who don't enjoy the work usually don't stay long.

[morse]

I am glad to learn that most of the boys enjoy their work and have relative freedom. If that is the case, great. "Holier than thou." I don't think so. Gray hair is a sign of age, not wisdom. And I don't send my bf a monthly check. He has his degree, works in his field to support himself and has never asked me for money. And I AM prepared to support said project for several years as I have similarly done so in the past under different circumstances.

[lego]

I tend to side with those who point out that the boys are not forced to work in go-go bars. They could opt for a job with 7-11 or work in a factory. Or, they could work in host bars where they are usually more free to choose which customers to accept. Many are drawn to the go-go bars because of tales of generous (gullible) farangs and possible long term support by one or more farangs.
I think that sums it up nicely. That's the way I see it, too.

[adman5000]

I have never been worried whether a boy wants to go with a particular customer because I believe ultimately the boy does have a say (directly or indirectly) in the matter. I agree with what others have said in that it normally depends on the bar and the boy. I think if the boy voiced an objection, in most cases the mammasan would handle the situation so the customer would not even know or guide him to another boy. Besides, if the boy truly did not want to go, it would soon be evident and either the customer would not off him (due to his attitude) or he would not stay with the customer very long. I always privately ask the boy if he wants to go with me and accept his decision. I guess the question is whether the set-up allows him to turn me down (and without retribution). I think it does in most cases.

Since you have used GR in the past according to your posts, is it just "freedom of choice" that that somehow differentiates the product?

[francois]

I am probably older than most of those who read this forum and am never quite sure if what I read in the forum is fantasy or fact. I have my suspicions! My young-and there IS a vast difference in our ages- Thai bf and I both like lady boy shows and cabaret, and so after we met (on a gay website) we began searching out gay venues that offered some type of lady boy show; hence my introduction to the Thai gay bar scene. (Yes, I knew it existed, but never had any inclination to visit a gay bar where one could choose a boy to take home. I did, and still do, find that aspect revolting.)

I offered to give him modest support until he could find work if he would leave the bar business. The next day he quit and moved in with a friend in BKK. I left a couple of thousand dollars with my bf to use at his discretion to carry through with my part of the bargain. I am back in the US and will return to BKK in January. My bf said our bar friend is running low on funds, but has not yet asked for money. .

Morse; I applaud your beau geste for helping the boy leave the bar business; I have done something similar in the past however once hooked on my largess it took some time to wean him from my support. .[/quote]

Regarding your revulsion to the go-go scene that does seem overly prudish; I have enjoyed the go-go scene for 20 years both in Thailand and elsewhere and it is a prime attraction for me.
On the contrary cabaret and, worse still, lady-boy shows are a real drag and something I would never consider. Thus each to his own taste.

We do have somethings in common, venerable in age and a much younger bf.

[pong]

Frankly-here in BKk about every shop/office/whatever has signs out for open positions/people wanted. There is a dire need for anyone. DK about Pattaya, have not been there since many years. Even if it would not be the job always dreamt of, it would bring in money for the time needed. And thats not just waiter or 7-shops etc.

[latintopxxx]

I'm almost tempted to believe that morse is pulling our collective legs....there is no shortage of low paid/menial jobs in BKK...the only reason he's on a stage selling himself is because of the easy money...huge money for little effort!!!

[filbear]

I'm almost tempted to believe that morse is pulling our collective legs....there is no shortage of low paid/menial jobs in BKK...the only reason he's on a stage selling himself is because of the easy money...huge money for little effort!!!

The guy I offed (Alex) also said the same thing. He gets more money working in the bar for 2 weeks than he would hawking stuff or working in malls for minimum wage in a month.

But given the chance of a higher earning job, he'd take it however he knows he's not educated enough to land a high paying job.

[Up2U]

I know many good hearted farangs that help boys who want to leave the bar scene. They help them start a business, go to salon school, English school, even finance there University education. I say kudos to them. But in this case we have a young man with a university education that was obviously was working in a bar cause it was easy money. Perhaps he was looking for a bf or somebody who could support him. As Pong noted there are plenty of jobs available, the unemployment rate is less than 1%, the jobs are out there for motivated people. Who knows maybe this boy is тАЬworkingтАЬ GR?