When do you add your latest lover to your will?

[bucknaway]

The post about the guy living with an elderly gentleman who died and left him nothing (as we are led to believe), has me wondering at what point does a gay male start adding his boyfriend/lover/special someone to his will should he die? Should his Thai boyfriend also make a will being that there is no guarantee that the Thai guy will out-live his partner?

And what if it is just a relationship of convenience? What if their arrangement is more business than social? Does the other person still deserve to be a beneficiary when the person they were doing business with dies?

And in the event of a death, who should contact the family? What should be said to the family? Would the deceased person want the beans spilled about how they truly lived their life in Thailand or should the surviving party be made aware of what to say and what not to say? Who to call and who not to call and what to do before anyone arrives to lay claim to anything?

For me, I have a will but in it I leave all my money and half my house to my first lover. I have never changed my will for the lovers that followed after him, no matter how many years I was with the lovers that came after my first lover relationship.

[ceejay]

If anyone tried to advise me on any of these things I would tell them to mind their own business. If I offered advice on any of them, I would expect to be told the same.

[bucknaway]

No one is asking for a set rule, just your thoughts. Don't take it personal.

[timmberty]

my thoughts would be . why are you leaving everything to your first lover? was he so amazing he cant be forgotten..
and if so why did you split up ...
now im sure you will call me a troll.

[joe552]

I thought this was an interesting question from bucknaway, following on from the other thread. I don't see a problem with it.

[bucknaway]

my thoughts would be . why are you leaving everything to your first lover? was he so amazing he cant be forgotten..
and if so why did you split up ...
now im sure you will call me a troll.

It is true that for the most part I think of you as a troll, but I don't think this question you asked was a trolling question.

We broke up because it was time. We are now best friends and I treasure him as I treasure my blood relatives.

I don't know why our friendship is magic, I am just happy to have such a person in my life. Why are we not lovers now? Been there and we now have something better then a lover relationship. We have a loving, supportive friendship that many may never understand.

[timmberty]

fair enough ... but i dont really buy the 'take care' thai society. you dont change a will just because you swap lovers as ofter as you swap socks.
there are many poster on here who have thai boyfriends who go out with said boyfriend looking to grab another for a 3 sum 4 sum etc etc ... is that real love? enough to change the will for. not in my eyes.
i will probably leave my estate to a charity, im sure the 42 pence will come in handy for them. but i wont leave it to someone who is more than likely going to bugger off as soon as a better offer is put on the table.

I done have the energy to change my Will every two or three days.

[areena]

whenever i would feel that he is considering me a burdan and started to fee bored in my company. i would leave him.no matter matter for explanation i would leave for him....

offcourse we can't ask someone for set rule,its a matter of feeling and every one has some special rules of sentiments.we cant bound anyone in this matter.so..there is no need to take this question personal.........

i think you have said nothing like troll....i appericiatr your comments why we leave everything for such aperson who make us split. such aperson should not only be forgotten but never be remembered.the person who cares for you can never leave you to split up...........

oh really then what would be your will for the next lover..............?

{This "new" member seems to be having connection problems.
I have combined his 5 posts into 1. Nothing came in between them - jinks}

[bao-bao]

An interesting set of questions, bucknaway - with many, many possible answers, depending on the dynamics and details of each relationship. Most anyone with any notable amount of money should have a will in whichever country they call home. For those in the USA if there's property or a house involved it would be wise to consider a trust, which would include a will. Codicils (additional detailed instructions) can easily be added. Trusts can be done yourself, but to be sure it's best to have it drawn up by a lawyer, in my opinion. That's going to run you at least a thousand dollars (or more) but it buys you the peace of mind that an estimated 40% of all you've worked for doesn't go to the government in taxes, etc. Have one myself, and have walked a half dozen friends and relatives through the same process.

At the risk of looking like our rusty but prolific old poster who's quite fond of the sea shore:


At what point does a gay male start adding his boyfriend/lover/special someone to his will should he die? Should his Thai boyfriend also make a will being that there is no guarantee that the Thai guy will out-live his partner?
Personal decisions, but common sense would dictate being as sure as anyone can be about the relationship. The same logic about wills applies to Thai folks who have money and/or property. From what I've learned from my Thai friends over the years don't be surprised if most (or all) of what they have is left to their family. Those ties tend to be strongest for many Thai.


And what if it is just a relationship of convenience? What if their arrangement is more business than social? Does the other person still deserve to be a beneficiary when the person they were doing business with dies?
Two completely different situations. Friends With Benefits may deserve something, but business arrangements should be set up to specify who gets the business in writing somewhere, I'd say.


And in the event of a death, who should contact the family? What should be said to the family? Would the deceased person want the beans spilled about how they truly lived their life in Thailand or should the surviving party be made aware of what to say and what not to say? Who to call and who not to call and what to do before anyone arrives to lay claim to anything?
All personal decisions. Anyone who I wanted to "know" about me has known for decades. Specify someone you trust to notify folks (partner, lawyer, best friend), and use them as your emergency contact that you probably have either on your person or left where it would be found easily. If there are beans to be spilled that's a chance you choose to take, and at least you won't be there to be embarrassed.


For me, I have a will but in it I leave all my money and half my house to my first lover. I have never changed my will for the lovers that followed after him, no matter how many years I was with the lovers that came after my first lover relationship.
That sounds nice. Over the years I've made a couple of changes to my will, but nothing punitive or vindictive. Those that know me will understand that. I've added new folk (i.e. a niece and a charity). My first partner from college has certain items that will mean something to him flagged for him, but he doesn't need my money or properties. Truth be known, he's probably not going to see Christmas, anyway. I was just on the East coast visiting him in the hospital again.

Interesting questions, though... I hope others will continue to add to this thread.

[allieb]

I donтАЩt post here very often but this has taken my interest. Many years ago when I was in my 20тАЩs I read a billboard which said тАЬ DonтАЩt leave your goodies to the baddiesтАЭ I made a will the next day as like many young people I didnтАЩt have one. I updated it regularly as my situation changed. I had an English boyfriend at the time. I had been with him for several years and I left what little I had to him.

We both came to Saudi Arabia and worked together for 12 years, we were no longer bed partners but real friends like a sort of family. He is now living back in the UK and we are still like family. I have left him half of everything The other half goes to my current BF, we have been together 25 years although the relationship is no longer sexual.

My only remaining blood family member gets nothing. He has refused to speak to me for the past 15 years since he discovered I was gay. He is mentioned in my will as тАЬto ------- I leave absolutely nothing.тАЭ My solicitor advised me to do this so that he canтАЩt contest my will on the grounds that he was overlooked

My will is updated from time to time to leave small financial gifts to special people who have been loyal to me and made me happy.

Re Thai BFs I would say leave a little in your will after a reasonable time together, say a couple of years Asses truthfully to yourself your relationship from time to time. Update on a year by year basis according to how things pan out. The longer you are together to more he should get, all being well between you.

[Oliver]

A wise response, Allieb.
Much of my estate will pass to my boyfriend when I die but I am concerned about the practicalities of the process. He lives in northern Thailand and, although his English is acceptable, technical language (including legal language) often causes us difficulties. I think he'd struggle with an English phone call from my executor, or even an email. The solicitor will have to employ a Thai-speaker.
Accordingly, I've left instructions as to how best he can be contacted, preferring that it be done through a UK friend who knows him. I have explained to him that the process is likely to take a number of months since it includes the selling of my house in London.

[timmberty]

oliver why not sell your house and move all the money to thailand before you die ?
as for using a thai lawyer, i wonder how much of the money he will magic away from your boyfriend.
a good few thousand pounds i would imagine.

[allieb]

A wise response, Allieb.
Much of my estate will pass to my boyfriend when I die but I am concerned about the practicalities of the process. He lives in northern Thailand and, although his English is acceptable, technical language (including legal language) often causes us difficulties. I think he'd struggle with an English phone call from my executor, or even an email. The solicitor will have to employ a Thai-speaker.
Accordingly, I've left instructions as to how best he can be contacted, preferring that it be done through a UK friend who knows him. I have explained to him that the process is likely to take a number of months since it includes the selling of my house in London.


Oliver

It can take more than a number of months A very dear friend of mine died a while back . An Asian BF was a major beneficiary and the will took 2 and a half years to finalize. The will was simple and wasn't put together very well as it had an accompanying letter asking the BF to do certain things and give certain items to various people. The letter not being part of the will was not legally binding and therefore wasn't honored by the BF who totally dismissed it. Funny how people you love behave after your death.

You would be well advised to leave an accompanying letter with your will leaving instruction on how to contact your BF. Your solicitor should be instructed to get a Thai speaking person to contact him and not a local Thai lawyer as you run the risk of a bent one cheating your BF out of some of hid dues. On another note always make a will through a solicitor and leave it with him in his fireproof safe. Make a couple of copies, keep one yourself and give one to a trusted friend along with the solicitors details. Appoint your solicitor as your executor or a trusted friend. To do a will through a solicitor in the UK costs about 300 pounds

[SimpleSoul]

In my simple way of thinking, if you need to ask the question 'when' then the answer is clearly not yet.

Every case will be different and each of us will know when the time is right. Everybody has a different set of values; some of us will not be leaving anything to our blood family but those who have contributed to a lovely life are deserving of something. Better to be done before we die, if possible!

Nice discussion thread and to see the various thoughts of everyone. There really is no need for people to be negative on this thread, is there?

[timmberty]

has anyone been negative ?
all this talk of leaving money i just dont get. why if you have no children do you have to leave anything to anyone ?
you have earnt the money so why not enjoy it and stop worrying about who gets what when you die.
why work until you are 60 or 65 just so you can leave half a million pounds to someone.
i read on a thread on a different board about someone renting out his house and with the money he has in investments he should be able to have a comfortable retirement as long as the bank rates/ exchange rate dont fall to much etc etc ..
well great but why not just sell the house and spend the money tied into it, whats the point in having all that money tied up and never spending it.
i shall be doing that very soon, dont see much point in busting my ass for another 15 years so someone else can enjoy the fruits of my labour.

[Manforallseasons]

Best to do before you die.

[Oliver]

The reason for making a will, timmberty, is that, like many (most?) Britons, most of my money is tied-up in my house which, being in London, is valuable. When I am approaching the end of my life, I shall gain solace from the knowledge that the money accrued by the sale of the house will be of enormous support to my boyfriend and the Palestinian refugee camp with which I am associated. If I were not to leave a will, that money would go to nephews and niece who, bluntly, don't need it and with whom I am not close.

Thank you Allieb; I have left instructions for my solicitor to employ a Thai speaker here in London to ensure my boyfriend receives his due.

[Zebedee]

Very interesting thread, thanks Bucknaway, and the replies are equally interesting! Sorry I've no constructive contribution to make.

[timmberty]

yes oliver i understand what you are saying, do you understand what i am saying tho ?
why not sell the house and spend the money now ? just think of all the thing you could do with your boyfriend before you die, rather than him having all that wonderful money for himself after you die.
as for leaving money to a refugee camp .. well upto you of course .. but i doubt much would go to where its meant to.

[latintopxxx]

stupid...stupid..stupid people...sell the house and park the money in thailand...yeah right...now let me give you hang gliding lessons offa your balcony...cr*p for brains.

[timmberty]

stupid...stupid..stupid people...sell the house and park the money in thailand...yeah right...now let me give you hang gliding lessons offa your balcony...cr*p for brains.

i missed the bit about moving the money to thailand!!! can you point it out for me please .. cause i agree with you who ever said that must be well stupid.

mind you we did well to manage a thread for so long before someone had to get abusive.

[Oliver]

Thank you timmberty. Yes; it is a shame that we can't discuss matters such as this without name-calling.

I cannot sell my London home; I should have to pay rent to live elsewhere. And house prices are rising substantially in my area year by year. The house is a sound investment. I seriously considered moving to Thailand a few years ago but decided against. It turned out to be a wise decision.

However, what I have done is to release equity on the house. This means that I now have taken out a mortgage which puts money into my bank and is repaid after my death from the proceeds of the sale of my estate. That money subsidises my Thailand visits and my boyfriend's welfare. Of course, I've explained to him that the equity agreement means he will get less when I die but it will be enough to transform his life and that of his family.

I should point out to Latintopxx that we have been in a relationship for ten years. After two decades of visiting Boyztown and experiencing the scene, I found that I needed more than casual sex. And I love him. I am happy to live with what Latin regards as my stupidity. Indeed, I recommend it to him. It has been a rewarding experience.

Nor is my bequest to the Palestinian refugee camp ill thought-out; I have an amazingly courageous and dedicated Palestinian friend nearby who works for the UN. My money will buy an artificial football pitch for kids who have nowhere to play. I should add that I've been visiting the camp for years and together with friends built a playground for the primary school on its roof....there was no other space in the over-crowded camp.

In both these ventures- in Thailand and Palestine- I am able to put to good use the money that I made in my career without limiting the enjoyment I derive from other activities here and abroad.

I am very fortunate.

[timmberty]

very well put peter, you explained yourself very well .. i thought you was living in thailand not still in england.
you seem to be very well sorted, so good luck to you.
myself as you may be aware am a miserable old bugger so i dont think i will ever have that someone special to leave my money too .. and my sister has more than enough to give her 3 kids without me having to chip in too.
mine you i dont tend to spend alot so who knows maybe the local dogs home will benefit.

[Zebedee]

oliver why not sell your house and move all the money to thailand before you die ?




stupid...stupid..stupid people...sell the house and park the money in thailand...yeah right...now let me give you hang gliding lessons offa your balcony...cr*p for brains.

i missed the bit about moving the money to thailand!!! can you point it out for me please .. cause i agree with you who ever said that must be well stupid. .

Ask and thou shall receive. Afraid I have to agree with Latin on this one.

[timmberty]

whos been altering my posts ???

[Zebedee]

Oliver, it is right and proper that you would want to provide for your loved one after you pass away, it is thoughtful and perfectly normal in the real world ...outside of these pages!

[Zebedee]

whos been altering my posts ???

Not me Timmy, it's on page one. Sorry.

[timmberty]

well i never know what im talking about so its ok :dontknow:
i wouldnt move money to thailand in one go .. im off to live there for 2 years minimum in october, i shall do a transfer once a year.
the intrest rates will be better than in england i expect but better to be safe than sorry ..

[Zebedee]

well i never know what im talking about so its ok :dontknow:
i wouldnt move money to thailand in one go .. im off to live there for 2 years minimum in october, i shall do a transfer once a year.
the intrest rates will be better than in england i expect but better to be safe than sorry ..

Timmy this place would be very dull without you! Keep posting.

[latintopxxx]

wheres my apology timberty???...or r we too proud??

[latintopxxx]

oiliver...loved your last reply...till I got to the sob story about the paleterrorists....what a waste of cash..I would have rather donated the cash to an orphanage in Thailand...

[timmberty]

far to proud . and im sure you wouldnt except it anyway.

[scottish-guy]

oiliver...loved your last reply...till I got to the sob story about the pale(stinian) terrorists....what a waste of cash..I would have rather donated the cash to an orphanage in Thailand...

Isn't a good thing then that you may do what you wish with YOUR cash and Oliver can do what he wants with HIS?

Oliver comes across as an intelligent chap - I'm sure he has well thought out reasons for supporting that particular cause and neither needs nor wants your approval.

[SimpleSoul]

Oliver, may I ask why you have written that not moving to Thailand a few years ago was a wise decision? Can you share why or is it more to do with your own personal circumstances?

[ikarus]

What one can conclude from every thread where the questions of will in Thailand are discussed (and this thread is not exception), that gay farangs who have Thai boyfriends give a serious thought how to take care of them after their own demise. It i just emphasizes what kind of bullshit has been posted on another thread about "poor Thai boy" who has been left with nothing by "shitty English gay farang". The author of that story apparently publishes its own gay magazine in Thailand. One can only imagine what kind of bullshit this magazine promotes...

[christianpfc]

I have no will, there is nobody that close to me that I would consider him in a will, everything will go to my family.


it will be enough to transform his life and that of his family.

If I were putting a Thai friend in my will, I would have to find a way to make sure the money is put to good use and not squandered. There are stories about lottery winners in Europe who end up broken, without home and job, after a few years of debauchery.

[scottish-guy]

Christian - how could you be sure your family will not similarly "squander" their inheritance from you?

Unless of course your now-legendary parsimony runs in the family? :dontknow:

[Oliver]

Scottish-guy got there a few seconds before me!
I assume that you are confident that the money you leave to your family will be put to good use and that it won't be frittered away on a BMW with a higher spec or vulgar jewellery.
May not your bequest to someone in a much poorer country than yours be more likely to be appreciated and useful?

Or is it that you have yet to meet a guy in Thailand whom you love? If you did so, surely you'd want to secure his future after your death?

[latintopxxx]

Posted: Fri 13 Sep, 2013 2:47 pm
I have no will, there is nobody that close to me that ..


The above post by christian is surely the saddest thing ever...even I ...with my slightly depraved tastes have someone close to me that I would leave everything to....actually half goes to my church...the rest to my partner....

[Nirish guy]

I would leave everything to....actually half goes to my church...the rest to my partner....

To your CHURCH !! Now that HAS to be a wind up surely :-) Well unless that would be the "Church of the latter day yes I fuck prostitutes, ride them like ponies and treat them like shit and my church doesn't mind Church", which then must be right next door to the "Oh yes you are going to burn in hell because you're a faggot oh and God doesn't love you and neither does this congregation Church" - if so, good call on deciding to leave your money to them, but apart from that I can't imagine why any of "us" would be leaving money to a Church at all - but I guess as they say there's nowt as queer as folk.

[scottish-guy]

Yes, NIrish, the CHURCH!!

http://tinyurl.com/8vyb2p3

[lukylok]

I have no will, there is nobody that close to me that I would consider him in a will, everything will go to my family.

What is the use then of all those pennies you so laboriously spare ?

Is it then just for the sake of being miserly ?

[joe552]

jeez, scottish-guy = where did you find that link? scary indeed

I have to admit I was surprised by latin saying he'd leave money to a church and I'm not convinced yet he's not winding us up. I'll await his response/explanation eagerly.

In christian's defence - he said he would leave his money to his family - that's exactly what I'll be doing. As a single gay man, and unlikely at my time of life to be in a long-term relationship, anything I have left over goes to my favourite nephew. christian's young enough that things might change for him, and that he finds a partner (Thai or otherwise) and can then make a will accordingly. but until that happens, I see nothing wrong in his approach.

I would leave everything to....actually half goes to my church...the rest to my partner....

To your CHURCH !! Now that HAS to be a wind up surely :-) Well unless that would be the "Church of the latter day yes I fuck prostitutes, ride them like ponies and treat them like shit and my church doesn't mind Church", which then must be right next door to the "Oh yes you are going to burn in hell because you're a faggot oh and God doesn't love you and neither does this congregation Church" - if so, good call on deciding to leave your money to them, but apart from that I can't imagine why any of "us" would be leaving money to a Church at all - but I guess as they say there's nowt as queer as folk.I'd certainly prefer my money to go to the Church than rip-off "charities" like Oxfam or Greenpeace.

[scottish-guy]

..I'd certainly prefer my money to go to the Church than rip-off "charities" like Oxfam or Greenpeace.

Really?

Entirely your choice of course, but whilst I agree that many "charities" take care of themselves first and foremost - can there possibly be (or ever have been) a bigger "rip-off" than the one organised by the Vatican?

:occasion9:

[Oliver]

The Roman Catholic Church became obscenely rich by extorting money from the poor and using it to enrich its prelates. Some evangelical churches in the US and Africa are even worse; vast sums of money are provided by the impoverished gullible to pay for private jets, limos,security guards for preachers....

not to mention (at least in the US) the occasional rent-boy.

Entirely your choice of course, but whilst I agree that many "charities" take care of themselves first and foremost - can there possibly be (or ever have been) a bigger "rip-off" than the one organised by the Vatican? I'd have thought it was obvious that I would be referring to the One True Church - the C of E headed by (and I still chuckle over this) the man BrisbaneGuy calls Justin Bieber (as deputy to Betty Windsor)

[scottish-guy]

Ah - that'll be the Church of England which has an annual income of just under ┬г1000,000,000 per year and whose Commissioners manage assets of just under ┬г4000,000,000 ?

That'll be the Church whose deputy leader is a millionaire Old Etonian with a salary approaching ┬г100K, who lives in a riverside palace and whose other perks include a generous final salary pension and a chauffeur driven car? And that'll be the Church whose investments include a Finance company which "specialises" in lending to some of the most desperate in society at interest rates of just under 6000% p.a.?

Of course the Archbishop's wealth is but a mere trifle compared to the wealth of the CoE's supreme leader* - frankly, I wouldn't know where to start on that one!

Meantime - in Central Manchester - 47% of children live in poverty, and all over England disabled people have their benefits cut or removed completely, and people queue up at food banks.

I doubt even Oxfam or Greenpeace could match that hypocrisy.

:occasion9:

PS: - and while we're at it let's ditch the Royal family's invented "Windsor" surname - let's use the hereditary one - *Elizabeth Alexandra Mary of Saxe-Coburg and Gotha

:laughing3:

[Nirish guy]

"not to mention (at least in the US) the occasional rent-boy."

What, churches are supplying the occasional rent boy - shit If I'd of known that I'd of started going YEARS ago - they really should advertise these promotions more !!! lol

[joe552]

In Ireland, the priests never paid - just took what they wanted.

[timmberty]

how fun to watch a thread about who to leave what in your will has become a religious bitch feast.

and there i was believing an all powerful being was watching over us to keep us all safe and warm ( not the kids being gassed in syria tho, they didnt get enough karma points in a previous life ) ( glad all religions stink equally )

rather than them all being a way to get money out of idiots.

anyhow i shall enjoy spending my money on things i want to do, rather than worry about what undeserving groups/individuals to leave it to.

[latintopxxx]

the good done by the church far outweighs the evil performed in its name, and please bear in mind that priests are also human so occasionally prone to failure...and to quote scottyboy, i will leave my money to whom ever i fucking well please...so there!!!

[lukylok]

the good done by the church far outweighs the evil performed in its name

How quaint ! Defending the church, its greed and the millions of deaths it caused.
From someone who tries to make us believe he is exploiting others to the max !

Well birds of a feather flock together !!

[joe552]

where do you think latintop learned to fuck boys for the least amount of money? his defence of the Catholic church explains a lot about his attitude to the working boys in Thailand.

The small-mindedness of posters like scottish-guy is palpable. However those of us who've bothered to read his rants of envy over the years have known that already.

[Sooty]

Blessed Richard Dawkins, patron saint of the New Atheism, is on record as saying that teaching the young about the torments of hell is a more serious form of child abuse than a spot of mild kiddy-fiddling (and apparently he should know, having been fiddled by a teacher when young).

[christianpfc]

Christian - how could you be sure your family will not similarly "squander" their inheritance from you?

Unless of course your now-legendary parsimony runs in the family? :dontknow:

My family, that are my parents. They are much richer than I am, the money will not compensate for the loss. Without a will, the family will inherit everything (in my case my parents; if there are children, siblings, and parents, it is more difficult and can lead to family dispute).


Or is it that you have yet to meet a guy in Thailand whom you love? If you did so, surely you'd want to secure his future after your death?

I have yet to meet that guy (see my post about preferences for boyfriend). If I do, I will consider him in my will if I write one.


What is the use then of all those pennies you so laboriously spare ?

Is it then just for the sake of being miserly ?

There is a slight misunderstanding. I am not as miserly as it appears. It's not about to save money, there is just seldom a justification to spend more than I do. A meal in a restaurant for 400 Baht does not make me fuller and is not healthier or better than a meal for 40 Baht on the street. A hotel room for 600 Baht has all I need, why spend more?