Where do you find sex?

[James Barnes]

Where do you find sex?


James Barnes reflects on why some bars are not doing so well and others are enjoying brisk trade...



The internet is a modern miracle that has transformed the way we live our lives. Shopping for clothes, planning our holidays and even booking cinema tickets are quick and easy, online. A wealth of research is but a swift Google away, social networking sites connect millions of тАШfriendsтАЩ and, although I cannot fathom how, according to the news networks, Facebook and the like are now pivotal in the revolution tagged, the Arab Spring. Of course, the web has always been a font of pornography but now, it is being used increasingly to arrange real sexual encounters.

Gay Romeo, Gaydar, Camfrog and Gay.com are the most popular тАШhook upтАЩ sites here in Thailand and certain bar owners have suggested that they are negatively affecting business. No off fees, no need to pay for booze, no need even to venture out. The convenience of arranging trysts from the comfort of a hotel room and the prospect of saving a few baht, threaten their businesses, they say. This is mostly a myth.



Travellers are certainly used to digitally organising their sex lives back home but back home they donтАЩt have go-go bars. The novelty of being away on holiday and going out to tour the bars, have a drink or three and selecting a cute guy from a stage will always beat the lonely pursuit of thrills on the net. There are so many disadvantages, online. Your would-be amour needs to be trusted. Is the age on his online profile truthful? Is that moist young man displayed, showing a recent picture or was it taken when he was young and lovely, twenty-five years ago? Is it even him? Reports of online beauty who knock on the door as beasts abound.



But, more importantly (even more important than beauty!), security is a real worry. If a guy is taken from a bar and causes a problem, at least the customer can go back there and have some recourse. Internet connections have no security and there is no comeback if you find yourself hosting a thief- or worse. Violence has resulted from internet hook ups. The service provider may have no more than a hotmail address to identify the perpetrator and will certainly disclaim all responsibility.



While the bars suffer a downturn, the massage spas report an increase in business. How can this be if the problem is online dating? Those bars with fewer customers have to look to themselves for the answer to their woes. Are the drinks prices a rip off? Is the music being played too loud and there to entertain the staff or the customers? Are the тАШshowsтАЩ old hat, boring and lacklustre? Could the place do with a facelift and are the lavatories clean? There are plenty of bars that are getting it right and they are the ones who enjoy a brisk trade.

[corky]

I have not taken anyone from a gogo bar in over 4 years.
Over 80% of my trysts have been via the web and only one has been sent away in that time (he had chicken pox). The remaining 20% will have been met in pubs or discos.
If I have seen the boy before then he comes straight to my room - If he's new to me we meet in a neutral location such as one of the Silom Soi 4 bars.
Only once have I had anything stolen - a 50 Baht note placed on a shelf for the water delivery man! There has never been a threat or any violent encounter.

GoGo bars are 'old hat' for me - they are expensive, the shows are unchanging and I dislike pressure from the mamasans. If I do see a boy I like then there is a good chance that sometime in the next few days he will be on line after work looking for trade. But there's the problem ... quite often I don't see any boy in the gogo bars that takes my fancy. Thanks to the internet boys no longer need to suffer the indignity of being 'meat' on a stage. They can hold down a regular job and then work 'short time' on the net after work or study. More importantly, from the boy's point of view they can choose who ever they want rather than be chosen by someone they find unappealing.

I would not dissuade a tourist from the experience of visiting a gogo bar but after that experience I would suggest he went to the web or visit the pubs and discos.

[Manforallseasons]

Corky you make an excellent point, I've often thought the same.

[christianpfc]

Looking for sex (commercial and non-commercial)

As others have pointed out, the original post is incomplete. Here my thoughts on the subject.

Places to look for sex
Free: internet, bars, saunas, discos, real live
Pay: internet, bars (gogo and beer), massage, street trade

Currently I am having problems with hook-ups everywhere, therefore this post has a negative tint.

Some years ago, I was thrilled with gayromeo. Now it is not that easy to find a sexual partner there. I skip profiles without pictures and have a look at those with a promising profile picture. My general complaint is that the vast majority is unable to post a clear facepic (in focus, no sunglasses, not too dark or too bright). And if you find someone, you have to find a time and place to meet. Currently, it takes me about 500 messages on gayromeo (exchanged with various boys) and up to 10 phone calls or SMS until I meet one boy. It can take weeks from first contact to finally meeting. And even then, for about half of the boys I was indifferent towards sex when I met them in real life. If you consider all the effort, it now has reached a level where I have to think if I could spend the time more useful. On a more positive note, I had two hook-ups this year that went very well, it took less than two hours from first contact until I was in his room, and I would like to repeat this, but both have been busy every time I contacted them.

Last year, when I was still in Europe, I used camfrog extensively and with great success (see post I made during that time). I still live on contacts I made during that time. I could not access all rooms, but you could watch otherтАЩs videos for an unlimited time. Now in Thailand, I can access all rooms, but I can watch videos only for 30 seconds (this limit was introduced about a year ago). As a standard user, it is almost pointless. These 30 seconds include time to load the video, and I had cases where тАЬloading videoтАЭ is directly replaced by тАЬbuy the pro version to see moreтАЭ. One day I will get pro version. On Camfrog the situation is even worse than on gayromeo, only about one out of ten profiles has a decent video. Most of the time, I think I am surrounded by a bunch of retards. Who would want to chat with someone who doesnтАЩt show his face in a video chatroom? I certainly not! Despite all adversities, I managed to hook up in Pattaya with a boy from Rayong last year, we ended in my hotel room about two hours after first contact.

First experiences with Grindr are slightly positive.

Facebook might be a way to find other gays and contact them. Scrolling through friendтАЩs friends has been very interesting. Any experiences with hooking up on facebook?

Did I forget any other ways to hook up online?

Now to real life.

First some statistics. In daily life, the hetero has 50% to choose from (i.e. 50% of the people around him are heterosexuals of the opposite sex). The gay has only 2.5 % to choose from (i.e. 2.5 % of the people around him are homosexuals of the same sex; assuming 5% of the population are homosexual). For the heterosexual the chances to find a sexual partner are therefore 25 times higher than for a homosexual. But we homosexuals have one advantage: if we go to gay venues, the choice suddenly rises to 100% (i.e. everyone around us are homosexuals of the same sex), such a place does not exist for heterosexuals (in some jobs or subjects at university there is a distortion, letтАЩs say up to 70%, e.g. male nurses or female students of engineering are mainly surrounded by opposite sex colleagues). Some people can compensate the unfavorable statistics by gaydar.

Bars in Bangkok are expensive, so are the boys, but I still go from time to time as this is the only place where you can see them in underwear. For extensive bar visits and offing boys, I prefer to go to Pattaya. Prices are lower, ways are shorter and I like the attitude better. The situation is such that I could go to bars every night in Bangkok if I wanted, but itтАЩs too expensive and at the moment there is only one boy I am looking forward to seeing again. In Pattaya, I have a list of boys I would like to meet again and plenty of bars I want to visit, but only time for two boys (when I stay two nights over the weekend).

I have written about street trade at Saranrom park, I think I will increase my frequency of visits to once per week.

I donтАЩt have much to write about massage places. I go from time to time, sometimes just massage, sometimes happy ending. But the environment is not as I prefer it for sex. And I want to get my hands on his body more than his hands on mine, to the extent of pondering of taking massage classes.

Public bathroom cruising is not for everyone. I cannot see the attraction. Nonetheless, when I am in a shopping mall I go to several bathrooms to wash my hands and look for signs of cruising. In Silom Center, The Mall Bangkapi and Big C Ratchadamri I made eye contact with other gays and even stood next to two at the urinal, but didnтАЩt take it further.

It has been a long time that I got laid in a sauna. Too dark and too wet/cold. Under sauna lighting, I just cannot come to a decision if I would like to have with someone, there is not enough light. Maybe I am missing the point of gay saunas, and the poor light is to allow anyone (except me) to get laid. The activities in the darkrooms speak for this. Even with insufficient lighting I can see that the vast majority of the customers is not to my taste. I went to saunas where I didnтАЩt see any cute face or handsome body, and only one or two pieces of underwear I liked.

I have been to various gay discos, with varying success. ItтАЩs a viable option, which I will explore further. With earplugs, the music volume is bearable. Some friends noticed that I wear earplugs. But I am rather the guy with the earplug than deaf when I reach 40. All discos I know get interesting after midnight, at time where I prefer to be in bed. But choosing between sleeping or going to a disco where I might find a sexual partner is easy.

Cruising in real life was not very successful for me so far. In four years of travelling to Thailand, I met one person outside of gay areas or internet with whom I might have sex soon. The problems are of various nature: the statistics are against me (see opening paragraph). If you walk the same way as someone else, you see the back of his head. If you walk the opposite way, you see his face, but the time for interaction is short. I had cases where we were looking back at each other three times, then the distance became too long. And I always find an excuse not to talk to someone.

Sport fields, internet cafes and gaming places have interesting customers, but there is no way to approach them!

I really need some advice. A friend of mine goes to Hua Lampong, rounds up one or two boys and takes them his place first for drinking and chatting, then for sex. He doesnтАЩt speak Thai and pays them 300 to 500 Baht. Everyone has a good time and is happy. I should be able to do the same.

Real life is where most handsome boys are. I can stroll through a shopping center and see several very handsome boys. Then I go to a gay disco or sauna and there is nobody I would want to have sex with. There were three cute boys on the bus I was riding, and five cute boys in DJ station on the same day. A recent stroll through Khao San road made me think: the Farang you see there are not representative for the average population in Europe or the US. The same way, audience in gay discos or saunas is not an extract from the average Thai population, but a sub-species which has less appeal to me than the average.

Sometimes I think I am the only person looking for sex and everyone else reproduces by cell division. Or is it different needs? (http://bangkokbois.wordpress.com/2011/0 ... -bar-boys/ (http://bangkokbois.wordpress.com/2011/09/16/maslow%E2%80%99s-hierarchy-of-needs-theory-and-thai-bar-boys/)) I have everything else I need (room, food, internet, I donтАЩt need a TV, I could buy a new mobile phone or computer every six months if I wanted), whereas my target group are too busy to earn money for rent and food to consider looking for sex?

My current choices of places where to look for sex:
Pattaya (booked out in advance, I donтАЩt know which boy to take home because there are several)
Saranrom (50% chance to find a cute boy, if not it is still entertaining тАУ there is a night market and there is Khao San around the corner)
Soi Twilight тАУ rarely, too expensive, donтАЩt like the attitude of some of the boys there.
Gayromeo, Grindr, Camfrog тАУ not much luck lately, poor pictures
Saunas тАУ not much luck lately, too dark, too cold
Discos тАУ not much luck lately, too loud, too dark, too late

[timmberty]

"I really need some advice. A friend of mine goes to Hua Lampong, rounds up one or two boys and takes them his place first for drinking and chatting, then for sex. He doesnтАЩt speak Thai and pays them 300 to 500 Baht. Everyone has a good time and is happy. I should be able to do the same."

you should be able to do the same!! how do you work that out ? your friend finds 2 boys he likes and just takes them
you on the other hand need to get your note pad out and work thru your tick list
hes got hair, tick, wrong color, untick.
he has a t-shirt on tick, i dont like the yogi bear logo, untick
he has pants on tick, wrong style but hes cute so still a tick, oh dear they are blue you dont like blue pants, untick,

you should stop for a minute christain and take a look at it from the other side, all the boys you have eyed up, but have then found fault with.. skin to dry, pants, etc etc ... there must be hundreds by now .. no one seems up to your standard, if at the age of 29 you were still a virgin thats a long time to have high standards, maybe time to drop them a little.

what do the boys see when they look at you ? a good looking youngish farang ... then after observing you for a while, im sure they must think yikes !! this ones a bit weird.
ask yourself one question ... how many guys do you know who go out looking for a thai boy to spend the night with actually end up with a fat black tranny ?? now wonder again if you are not a bit weird

[Smiles]

My current choices of places where to look for sex:

Pattaya (booked out in advance, I donтАЩt know which boy to take home because there are several)[/*:m:1u6bp6hn]
Saranrom (50% chance to find a cute boy, if not it is still entertaining тАУ there is a night market and there is Khao San around the corner)[/*:m:1u6bp6hn]
Soi Twilight тАУ rarely, too expensive, donтАЩt like the attitude of some of the boys there.[/*:m:1u6bp6hn]
Gayromeo, Grindr, Camfrog тАУ not much luck lately, poor pictures[/*:m:1u6bp6hn]
Saunas тАУ not much luck lately, too dark, too cold[/*:m:1u6bp6hn]
Discos тАУ not much luck lately, too loud, too dark, too late[/*:m:1u6bp6hn]
(I shouldn't be doing this ... I know, I know)

But I will: Christian you are ~ by a very long mile ~ your own worst enemy, and that really is your bottom line.
You've thrown up (neurotic?) multiple road blocks to every single one of your choices above . . . so how can you expect anyone to even attempt to give you answer(s) to the question "Where do I find sex?" with any real expectation that their 'advice' will not shot down by you using those very same blockages.
Instead of the question "Where do I find sex?", seems to me you may want to change that to "Where can I find myself?"

Have a good day,
Sigmund

[Zebedee]

Looking for sex (commercial and non-commercial)

As others have pointed out, the original post is incomplete. Here my thoughts on the subject.

Places to look for sex
Free: internet, bars, saunas, discos, real live
Pay: internet, bars (gogo and beer), massage, street trade

Currently I am having problems with hook-ups everywhere, therefore this post has a negative tint.

{Chapter and verse deleted - see below - jinks}



There's enough material here to fuel a psychiatrist's convention! :nud:

[Thai Dyed]

Just for the record, I found christianpfc's comments to be rather good, and, for the most part, accurate. In fact, I would go so far as to say that when compared to most of the boring drivel posted here in the recent past, it was quite refreshing.

[Impulse]

Currently, it takes me about 500 messages on gayromeo (exchanged with various boys) and up to 10 phone calls or SMS until I meet one boy. It can take weeks from first contact to finally meeting.

GR is one of the easiest ways to meet a boi....short of a go-go bar. 500 messages? Really? I guess if you,re as selective as you are that might be possible. My last one from there was in my room in 10 minutes and he was awesome. Keep going though as I enjoy reading your experinces.

[Zebedee]

Currently, it takes me about 500 messages on gayromeo (exchanged with various boys) and up to 10 phone calls or SMS until I meet one boy. It can take weeks from first contact to finally meeting.

GR is one of the easiest ways to meet a boi....short of a go-go bar. 500 messages? Really? I guess if you,re as selective as you are that might be possible. My last one from there was in my room in 10 minutes and he was awesome. Keep going though as I enjoy reading your experinces.

Exactly where have I ever stated that? I assume you are deliberately up to mischief ,as I have NEVER referred to gayromeo on this board! What you have done is wrote that comment yourself and ascribed it to me. Twat!

Is the forum a little too quite for you....hmmm...trying to drum a little business...hmmmm?

[christianpfc]

Zebedee, you can easily see that rocket is quoting me and made a mistake when deleting unnecessary parts of the quotation.

The 500 include messages from boys I have no interest in, and from moneyboys who write to everyone who is online.

[jinks]

This error occurs when the "quote" button is over used.

ONLY use it if you are replying to a post that is a long way up the page.

You can start your post ....

Fred, you are mistaken........... without quoting Fred; Chapter and verse. (see above)

[christianpfc]

GR is one of the easiest ways to meet a boi....short of a go-go bar. 500 messages? Really? I guess if you,re as selective as you are that might be possible. My last one from there was in my room in 10 minutes and he was awesome. Keep going though as I enjoy reading your experinces.

I think you refer to moneyboys ("short of a go-go bar"), whereas I use gayromeo to find non-moneyboys. Meeting moneyboys on gayromeo is no problem, but currently I prefer Saranrom or Pattaya for moneyboys, I want to see them in real life. Nonetheless, I had a moneyboy from gayrome about a week ago, it took about 3 hours from first contact (I did other things in between) and about 50 messages* on Gayromeo and Line until I was in his room. (I prefer the moneyboys come to my room where I can read or play internet, but in this case I was out, showered, dressed, so the fastest way was to go to his room.) He was so-so, will probably not see him again.

*Make that 100 messages. I just had a quick cursory count in Line, we exchanged 57 messages there.

[Impulse]

Sorry Christian, I forgot you were looking for non-money bois....they are much harder to find.

[timmberty]

Sorry Christian, I forgot you were looking for non-money bois....they are much harder to find.

are you sure ?? most of the times christian kinda finds non money boys he always seems to start with asking them how much they want,

[loke]

If you are young and healthy non money boys are probably easy to find .

But for most of us trying to have sex with a 20 y.o student , we have to pay , one way or another.

[latintopxxx]

Not entirely true, when I was much younger, in my teens I was totally drawn to older fit guys in their forties and up....so being young does not automatically guarantee success...it certainly dramatically increases the odds though.