A sad and happy day all in one in Bkk.

[Nirish guy]

So this afternoon turned out to be a very strange and different day than expected.

I was told by a very old friend waiter from one of the Soi Twilight bars that one of my other old friend waiters, neither of whom I'd ever gone with for sex but where just good friends, had died unexpectedly from an HIV related illness. This was a relatively young gay (maybe 30) who was very popular with many customers in the Soi and his passing will be sadly missed by many I'm sure.

I'm intentionally not mentioning either the guys name or the bar as the boss of the is, for obvious reasons, not wanting it known that one of his boys had HIV, but it is a sad reminder if any if us need it to take care of OURSELVES and not trust what we are necessarily told either by the bar or the boy as I know this guy was going with customers right up until the end and his attitude to condom use was "up to them, not my business, if they want to not use, ok I can do and if they use that's ok too" but I'm sure his customers didn't take his up to you in the sane way that he meant.

That aside he was a lively happy go lucky guy and I was very sad to hear of his (very fast) demise - as once he knew he was positive he just didn't go back to the doctor or take anymore treatment ( which could have saved his life) and simply worked on until he died - so sad.

So, when sitting over dinner with my other friend I then asked him when he'd last been tested and he cringed and admitted to maybe EIGHT years ago ( which I'm guessing actually meant never) and when I asked about the bar not enforcing tests etc he looked at me like "how long you come to Bangkok, are you still that stupid to believe that actually happens".

He then said the reason he didn't go as he was both scared of going but more importantly of finding out the result as being a VERY popular bar boy for over 15 years and going with customers several times a week and freely admiting sometimes he didn't use condoms when drunk or if the customer asked he just "assumed" that he was positive but didn't want to KNOW.

I explained that now with the advances made that he should ABSOLUTELY want to know as it could save his life and offered him that that we both go there and then and get tested which much to my surprise he agreed to. So off we went to Bangkok hospital and 700 baht and one hour later I was delighted to open our sealed results letters (as he was to scared to open his) amd be able to tell him that both he and I were both negative ( much to my amazement in his case!!!) and I can tell you that the smile that crossed his face and seeing a weight that had obviously been playing on his mind for some years being lifted in an instant was worth a million dollars and his absolutely realising he'd just dodged a massive bullet and now was adamant he was changing his ways after seeing his friend die made it all SO worth going through the process with him.

I have to say that I'm still a little surprised that Thai sex workers even have to pat for tests here - they should be free everywhere for them surely ? and although i was asked when we arrived the did we want to see a doctor and i said no ( as i assumed they thought we'd just had unprotected sex and he'd told me he was postive or somethung) but as I've said no they literally handed me the two sealed results letters in the public waiting area and (at his request and even I suggested going somewhere quieter) he wanted his opened straight away but I DREAD to think what I could have said or done to ease his pain if the result had been a positive one but figured if i seen the word positive id ask a doctor to soeak to him in thai first, but as all the nurses knew why we were there there was almost a collective round of applause and round of back
Slapping with him - with me thinking "wow things could have turned out VERY differently here today".

So, although not as if we NEED reminding to take care of ourselves im going to repeat that message if I may anyway fir sny Newbies reading this ( and ourselves) as you can and should never trust or and believe anything anyone else tells you as to their status and only you insisting on safer sex can protect YOU.

Meanwhile my friend and I are now going out to have a very large bullet dodging beer to celebrate his good LUCK and I just wish that I could have reached out to our other friend in time to help him too but I guess that just wasn't meant to be :-( May he RIP the poor guy :-(

[dab69]

Great news and post.

Now if they would just come up with a test for HPV as well...

[bucknaway]

It breaks my heart when freinds I use to chat with on gay romeo, see in the bars and on the street vanish from the scene. I know many find a sponsor and won't be seen again till they desire it. Few go back home and return to the life they were missing. Some die like a tree falling in the forest........ I hope your friend enjoyed his life.

[Nirish guy]

I thought they worked in the basis that if you were over a certain age (25/30) that you'd probably already been exposed to the HPV virus anyway so not a lot of point worrying about - unless you get sick of course I guess.

[anonone]

Great story NIrish...and happy to hear the test results (for both of you 5555)

Getting to know some of the bar boys at a level beyond short time fun, you certainly learn a lot about Thai outlook and culture. There is a fatalistic aspect that drives me a bit nutty some time. This is not every Thai, but I have seen and heard it enough that it is definitely a tendency to "accept" bad news and just not try to do anything about it.

A good reminder for everyone to take care with precautions and play safe.

Since you are back in Bangkok, I am guessing your long visit is coming toward the end. Safe travels and hope to see you again soon.

[fedssocr]

Of course depending how recently he's been active there's still a possibility it just didn't show up in the test yet. He should get tested again in a few months. And be safe in the meantime.

[Zebedee]

Thanks for the post NI, I never knew one could get an "instant" test result! Can the same be done in Pattaya, if so where, I do not want to go to a street clinic, rather a reputable testing centre / hospital .

[latintopxxx]

You would have to be totally delusional to believe that the gogo boys are tested regularly and are honest about their hiv status...absolute minimal that one should do when having anal sex is to ALWAYS use condoms...always...no exceptions...and no oral if you have brushed your teeth in the last 90 minutes....some may decide to use condoms for oral as well...I choose not to... and to date have been fortunate...but basically when you sleep with someone you are exposed to all his previous partners...
As for the fatalistic attitude that some of the guys have....I'm never long enough in the country to really connect with them...and am a committed butterfly...definitely value quantity ....and try not to dwell on the human factor...

[Nirish guy]

:-(( and you were doing SO well there Latin in your post and you blew it all in the last line :-(. Whatever are we going to do with you to get you some human compassion ? :-( lol. ( dint worry I'm not expecting an actual answer as i think you're beyond redemption probably ! ( just kidding )

[Nirish guy]

Zebeddee - I think you just answered your own question - you want to go to a hospital rather than a street clinic ( which I would also recommend doing ) - then go to a hospital, there are a few in Pattaya, I'm sure you know them well already perhaps.

[latintopxxx]

Nirish...do you ever give a thought when buying a bht100 tshirt...where it was made...under which conditions...did someone die under a collapsed building because you crave cheap/disposable clothing.....
At least with a gogo I give him the opportunity to negotiate a price before the fun starts.....I know its pure escapism...that I can put fantasy into action....feed my kink....and that when examined in full daylight under our judeo christian morality meter...I would fail...to put it mildly. But in case u havent noticed...I enjoy pushing the envelope.....
I'm fully aware that its a human that I'm exploiting....for my pleasure....but then going back to the t-shirt example...arent we all exploiters???

[gregvc]

not sure if you know about this place -
http://www.adamslove.org/

This is Thailands MSM site. Very trendy. Lots on info about being tested and treatment, in both Thai and English. Special clinic too. I hope it treats patients better than described. I had a bad experience in 1999 at the Red Cross. The nurse counsellor suggested Baygon as the only help for those HIV positive!!!! I was with a friend trying to access treatment (for him, not me).

[scottish-guy]

......arent we all exploiters???

Using your own analogy, surely there's a difference between thrusting your arm into a shirt sleeve and sticking your cock up someone's bunghole.... well in most cases anyway.... :evil4:

[jimnbkk]

Last time I was in Thailand I learned that there is in fact a place where anybody can get free HIV testing. It's at the Christian Hospital on Silom Road. It's apparently funded by the US government. The clinic is open Tuesday through Saturday noon to (I think) four or five. Closed Sunday and Monday. You enter the Hospital on the right-hand side and walk to the back, then to the right to an elevator. Take the elevator up to the 1st Floor and the clinic is through the doors that you see when the elevator opens. You walk up to the desk and tell the young lady that you want to be tested. She leads you through the procedure which includes you typing up your information on a computer, and an interview with a nurse. I don't remember all the details, but I and my friends were in and out in about an hour as I remember.