Delicate Negotiations

[arsenal]

An overheard meeting between the Police Union Official (PUO) and the Minister for Home Affairs (MHA). Throughout the meeeting both gentlemen were smiling as though their lives depended on it.

MHA "Hello again Mr Sukbidquid, nice to see you. I can hardly believe it's been almost a year since we last met.
PUO "Yes, the time goes so quickly, you know, protecting the public from all the criminals."
MHA "Mmm"
PUO "Yes, my officers risk their lives every day to ensure no crooks can get away with their crookednesses."
MHA "Mmm."
PUO "Some of my officers are working up to almost nearly about roughly 30 something hours every week."
MHA "Mmm"
PUO "You know that the cost of living is going up."
MHA "Mmm."
PUO "Many of the officers of the world class and internationally esteemed Royal Thai Police Force are finding making ends meet very difficult."
MHA "Mmm."
PUO "And we haven't had a pay rise in almost for ever."
MHA "Mmm."
PUO "We are proposing a pay rise of 15% a year for the next three years and a one off gratuity payment of 100'000 Baht, as a goodwill gesture."
MHA "Mmm."
PUO "This will bring us in line with similar professionals."
MHA "Mmm."
PUO "I've put our proposals here in writing for you." Handing the minister a sheaf of neatly bundled papers.
MHA "Mmm." Looking at the papers with a mixture of amusement and contempt. "Here's what I propose."
PUO "I'm listening."
MHA "I propose a pay rise of nothing."
PUO "But Minister, if you'll just read this you see that.........."
MHA Raising hand in gesture of concilliation. "Mr Sukbidquid, no one has more respect for the Royal Thai Police Force than I do. Internationally only Somalia and Equatorial Gunea score higher, or is it lower? I can't remember but anyway the score is very good. But we have no more money to pay you.
PUO "My members will be very disappointed and this might affect the pride thay have in the honourable work they do."
MHA "I have another suggestion for you."
PUO "What's that."
MHA "Gogo bars."
PUO "I'm listening."
MHA "Gogo bars are damaging the reputation of the country in the eyes of the international community."
PUO "They are Minister, they are."
MHA "This reputation could be restored if all gogo bars were told to close at 12.00am."
PUO "Nothing must be allowed to damage the countrys' reputation."
MHA "Mmm. Anyway, any gogo bars still open after 12.00am would be subject to a generous, I mean hefty fine. Say 5000 Baht."
PUO "That is generous, I mean hefty. When do you propose that these new regulations should come into force.
MHA "Well these things take time but I would hope to have the new rules finalised by about 6.00pm this afternoon and then come into force tomorrow morning."
PUO "Let me assure you Minister that my officers will not shirk from ensuring that all lawbreakers are suitably fined. It is our civic duty after all."
MHA "Mmm."
PUO "Well I shall take up no more of your valuable time."
MHA "Eh." Raising an eyebrow.
PUO "Oh yes, one other thing before I go. I was looking at the new Mercedes Benz and it's beautiful but then so is the new BMW. Which one would you choose, given the choice?"
MHA "Neither."
PUO "Eh." Raising both eyebrows.
MHA "No, I would choose the new Bentley."

[scottish-guy]

An overheard meeting between the Police Union Official (PUO) and the Minister for Home Affairs (MHA). Throughout the meeeting both gentlemen were smiling as though their lives depended on it.

MHA "..But how could we ensure that these gogo bars all closed by 24.00 or paid the fine?"
PUO "..Well our officers are very busy as I explained and if you wanted them to enforce these regulations it would inevitably cost more in Police pay"
MHA: "..This is a problem ... the cost of my proposed new Bentley dictates we cannot pay more..."
MHA "..Wait, we have a number of Expat Civilians who would be wiling to do this for only a plastic badge, a water pistol, and the pleasure of saying they work for the Tourist Police
PUO "....But what do these people know of opening/closing times for gogo bars and why would they want to assist us?"
MHA "....What do you mean - some of them are failed bar owners and would boil their old Granny down for glue .. this is not a problem...they are highly motivated"
PUO: "I don't understand fully ....what is the motivation?"
MHA: "Bitterness that they have failed businesses of their own"
PUO: "Just because of bitterness they would inform on their former colleagues? Be "agents provocateurs" and even take photos from hidden cameras? I can hardly believe it - there must be another motivation?"
MHA: "Yes, there is - they are cunts"
PUO: "Ah, now I get it - excellent idea! Another whisky?
MHA: "Don't mind if I do - after all, it's not as if we'll be paying for it in this bar!!
PUO/MHA (together) Arf, Arf!!

:3some:

[MARK]

:sign5: Now that was funny. :laughing3:
:wav:

[Dodger]

Scotty...

Thanks for the early morning chuckle...

...just too funny!!!

[joe552]

well done, arsenal and Scottish-guy - a good laugh to start the week

[Nirish guy]

I've never really held any particular view re the tourist police and always assumed that they were as appears on the surface a bunch of guys either out of boredom or sense of community were trying to do their bit, but after reading some of the comments over the last few days I asked a Thai friend his view of them ( without telling him why) and without missing a beat his instant answer was "oh them, they bad men, many of them criminal! "

I was genuinely surprised by that and don't post this in agreement of his view as I just don't know whether its true or not and I'm sure like every large group of men there's good and bad apples therein, although Dragon masters comments about bad apples being put out was perhaps telling ? But I was genuinely surprised at my Thai friends instant put down of them and the "criminal" descriptive word he chose to use, rather than "useless or fake police" or something that i might have expected to hear from a Thai - and I should add he speaks good English so it wasn't a lack of vocabulary that caused his use of that word - so ( to me anyway) very surprising.

But I also seem to recall a go go bar owner telling me that whilst the main police force were getting their tea money but in fact the tourist police ( amongst many others it should be said) were also calling and collecting their cut seperately on the and if that is the case it would certainly alter my view of them somewhat, its bad enough that the Thai police do what they do but if expats then don a uniform and do likewise, while sonehow expecting some form of token respect from other expats then that is perhaps stretching things just a tad perhaps ! But perhaps some knowledgeable go go bar or ex go go bar owner might confirm if this is indeed fact the case ?

[Dodger]

Nirishguy wrote:

But I also seem to recall a go go bar owner telling me that whilst the main police force were getting their tea money but in fact the tourist police ( amongst many others it should be said) were also calling and collecting their cut seperately on the and if that is the case it would certainly alter my view of them somewhat, its bad enough that the Thai police do what they do but if expats then don a uniform and do likewise, while sonehow expecting some form of token respect from other expats then that is perhaps stretching things just a tad perhaps

I guess anything is possible, but I doubt very much that the tourist police get involved with this type of corruption especially in areas where illegal business are operating and controlled by the BIB, e.g., Boyztown (PTY), Sunee Plaze (PTY), Patpong (BKK), Nana Plaza (BKK) etc., as this would most certainly place the tourist police in a dangerous position. Rumor has it that the BIB control the tea money racket and the local mafia (who operate within a tightly controlled network involving the corrupt BIB) control the drug trade racket. I find it doubtful that either faction would allow a farang with a plastic badge to muscle in on their action.

A friend of mine (who's name I will not mention) had to attend a few classes and take a baisc exam before being handed his plastic badge and his background included; receiving a dishonorable discharge from the U.S. Navy (he was a cook not a SEAL), several criminal arrests in his background involving drugs, and his last honest job in the U.S. was working as a repo-man. I just had to laugh.

Most of the tourist police that I've either met or heard about seem like pretty nice guys - doing something to feel useful during their silver (or golden) years - and can provide a valuable service when a tourist gets himself in a jam. Their charter is simply to patrol and call the Thai police if trouble is spotted. They have no authority to make arrests, nor are they permitted to carry a fire arm or any type of weapon. They are only allowed to carry whistles and a radio if they can afford them at their own expense. There are two categories of tourist police; Those who work full-time and receive a very modest paycheck and tourist police assistants who work part-time on a voluntary basis. The full time Tourist Police wear uniforms - and the assistants usually just buy a jacket or t shirt that says "Police" on the back...similar to the ones you see the Thai boys wearing on the sois.

[Nirish guy]

Dodger said : I guess anything is possible, but I doubt very much that the tourist police get involved with this type of corruption.


As I said in my post it was actually a go go bar owner who told me that and it was in relation to payments they were having to make in relation to their own bar so short of them making that up for some reason ( which of course is possible) I guess I can't get any closer to confirmation of that short of being asked to pay out myself - but as I said perhaps someone who DOES know as a matter of fact as to whether the Tourist Police get or ask for or expect any "donations" to the Christmas club fund or "whatever" would like to comment on that and enlighten us as to whether they believe that to be true or not ?

[Marsilius]

The current edition of the Pattaya Mail (23 August) reports on the arrest of a German man who - as well as allegedly committing some rather nastier offences - was found in possession of fake Police Volunteer ID cards.

That might suggest that, as well as (1) the genuinely motivated and (2) the self-obsessed oddballs who love dressing in uniform and throwing their weight around, there is a third category that is up to no good and thereby doing nothing for the volunteers' reputation.

Incidentally, for all that has been claimed in differentiation of the real police and the volunteers, the newspaper reports that the German is to be charged with impersonating a Royal Thai Police Officer which presumably carries a heavier penalty, if found guilty, than merely pretending to be a "helpful civilian".