cdnmatt
July 5th, 2013, 02:02
Not sure how much I want to reveal in this post, but sitting at a hotel in Khon Kaen right now, where I've been living for almost a month, enjoying a couple drinks and some good music, and had the urge to write. Still have the house, which is about 8km down the road, and where the dogs are. Kim's also there at the moment, probably having some lao-khao with his friends, and I'm sure will show up at the hotel later on, around 4am piss drunk. Hopefully tonight he's not crying because he believes I'm going to leave him. I doubt it though, because he knows I won't talk to him in that condition, and will just tell him to shut up and go to sleep.
heh, this whole life thing sure is a trip, isn't it? I don't know how safe you play your life, but I obviously don't do a good job. Hopefully I can learn to do so.
Was sick for quite a while there. Severe fatigue for about three months (eg. sleeping 120 hours in a week), and no idea how long I was mildly fatigued before that without realizing it. Killed my revenue, but that's fine though, and not worried about it in the slighest. Just launching a new project, extremely happy with how its come together, and I know full well what I'm capable of, so not worried about finances at all.
So now it's coming close to decision time again for me. You know... a month ago I was dead set on leaving Kim, and even had the $10k USD saved for my move to Chiang Mai, which sure enough got "lost". Had an elaborate plan all laid out in my mind to get a house in Chiang Mai, leave Kim in good standing, and get my dogs to the new house without any bad shit happening.
Over the past month Kim and myself have reconnected somewhat though. I'm out of the house now, so I'm finally back to being happy and healthy, plus we also spend more one-on-one time together again. And it's just the small things -- the little inside jokes only we know about, the occasional giggling or tickling, and just the overall emotional energy we share again. And that's what love is, you know? When you know all the little nuances and quirks about each other, and it's fine -- you still love each other.
It's just... god damnit I wish he'd just apply himself a little bit in life. Just do something, anything -- I don't care. First drop your current friends because we both know they're total losers, will never be there for you, and are only taking advantage of you. Then just do something -- grab a job as a waiter, or at a hotel, make a bit of money for yourself, and become friends with your new co-workers. That's all you gotta do man, and you have a good hearted and 100% loyal farang for life.
He has to do something though, because otherwise I have no choice but to leave him, and I don't want to leave him. He's a great guy, but just need to step it up a notch, that's all. Otherwise he just drags me down in life, and I'm no longer willing to do that. I don't want to go at this whole life thing alone again, and the last thing I feel like doing is finding another boyfriend, because that takes like 3 years before you know each other inside and out.
And it'd not like Kim has loving parents to fall back on, or anything. Who knows where his mom is, his dad is a total fuck up, little
brother is down south working at a farm, and little sister is up north with her baby living with her in-laws, trying to patch things up
with her husband, who's apparently a cheating asshole.
Just fuck man, get off your ass, be the great guy I know you are, and do something with yourself -- anything. If you can manage that, I'll be there for you, forever and always. No worries. Otherwise, I have to leave you, which is going to put you in a world of hurt, and I don't think you even realize how painful it's going to be.
I don't know... I'm drunk. Good night all!
heh, this whole life thing sure is a trip, isn't it? I don't know how safe you play your life, but I obviously don't do a good job. Hopefully I can learn to do so.
Was sick for quite a while there. Severe fatigue for about three months (eg. sleeping 120 hours in a week), and no idea how long I was mildly fatigued before that without realizing it. Killed my revenue, but that's fine though, and not worried about it in the slighest. Just launching a new project, extremely happy with how its come together, and I know full well what I'm capable of, so not worried about finances at all.
So now it's coming close to decision time again for me. You know... a month ago I was dead set on leaving Kim, and even had the $10k USD saved for my move to Chiang Mai, which sure enough got "lost". Had an elaborate plan all laid out in my mind to get a house in Chiang Mai, leave Kim in good standing, and get my dogs to the new house without any bad shit happening.
Over the past month Kim and myself have reconnected somewhat though. I'm out of the house now, so I'm finally back to being happy and healthy, plus we also spend more one-on-one time together again. And it's just the small things -- the little inside jokes only we know about, the occasional giggling or tickling, and just the overall emotional energy we share again. And that's what love is, you know? When you know all the little nuances and quirks about each other, and it's fine -- you still love each other.
It's just... god damnit I wish he'd just apply himself a little bit in life. Just do something, anything -- I don't care. First drop your current friends because we both know they're total losers, will never be there for you, and are only taking advantage of you. Then just do something -- grab a job as a waiter, or at a hotel, make a bit of money for yourself, and become friends with your new co-workers. That's all you gotta do man, and you have a good hearted and 100% loyal farang for life.
He has to do something though, because otherwise I have no choice but to leave him, and I don't want to leave him. He's a great guy, but just need to step it up a notch, that's all. Otherwise he just drags me down in life, and I'm no longer willing to do that. I don't want to go at this whole life thing alone again, and the last thing I feel like doing is finding another boyfriend, because that takes like 3 years before you know each other inside and out.
And it'd not like Kim has loving parents to fall back on, or anything. Who knows where his mom is, his dad is a total fuck up, little
brother is down south working at a farm, and little sister is up north with her baby living with her in-laws, trying to patch things up
with her husband, who's apparently a cheating asshole.
Just fuck man, get off your ass, be the great guy I know you are, and do something with yourself -- anything. If you can manage that, I'll be there for you, forever and always. No worries. Otherwise, I have to leave you, which is going to put you in a world of hurt, and I don't think you even realize how painful it's going to be.
I don't know... I'm drunk. Good night all!