French Joke

[kjun12]

A friend sent this to me and I thought I'd share it:

Legendary quotes on France

France has neither winter nor summer nor morals. Apart from these
drawbacks it is a fine country. France has usually been governed by
prostitutes.'

Mark Twain

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'I would rather have a German division in front of me than a French one
behind me.'

General George S. Patton

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'Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without your
accordion.'

Norman Schwartzkopf

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'We can stand here like the French, or we can do something about it.'

Marge Simpson

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'As far as I'm concerned, war always means failure.'

Jacques Chirac, President of France

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'The only time France wants us to go to war is when the German Army is
sitting in Paris sipping coffee.'

Regis Philbin

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'You know, the French remind me a little bit of an aging actress of the
1940s who was still trying to dine out on her looks but doesn't have the
face for it.'

John McCain , U.S. Senator from Arizona

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'The last time the French asked for 'more proof' it came marching into
Paris under a German flag.'

David Letterman

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'Only thing worse than a Frenchman is a Frenchman who lives in Canada .'

Ted Nugent

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'War without France would be like ... World War II.'

Unknown

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'The favourite bumper sticker in Washington D.C. right now is one that
says 'First Iraq , then France .''

Tom Brokaw

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'What do you expect from a culture and a nation that exerted more of its
national will fighting against Disney World and Big Macs than the
Nazis?'

Dennis Miller

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'It is important to remember that the French have always been there when
they needed us.'

Alan Kent

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'They've taken their own precautions against al-Qa'ida. To prepare for
an attack, each Frenchman is urged to keep duct tape, a white flag, and
a three-day supply of mistresses in the house.'

Argus Hamilton

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'Somebody was telling me about the French Army rifle that was being
advertised on eBay the other day --the description was, 'Never shot.
Dropped once.''

Rep. Roy Blunt, MO

-----------------------------

'The French will only agree to go to war when we've proven we've found
truffles in Iraq '

Dennis Miller

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Q. What did the mayor of Paris say to the German Army as they entered
the city in WWII?

A. Table for 100,000 m'sieur?

-----------------------------

'Do you know how many Frenchmen it takes to defend Paris ? It's not
known, it's never been tried.'

Rep. R. Blount, MO

------------------------------

'Do you know it only took Germany three days to conquer France in WWII?
And that's because it was raining.'

John Xereas, Manager, DC Improv

------------------------------

French Ban Fireworks at Euro Disney

(AP), Paris , March 5, 2003

The French Government announced today that it is imposing a ban on the
use of fireworks at Euro Disney. The decision comes the day after a
nightly fireworks display at the park, located just 30 miles outside of
Paris , caused the soldiers at a nearby French Army garrison to
surrender to a group of Czech tourists.

Angela Merkel arrives at Charles De Gaulle Airport (for the benefit of our American members, that's in Paris).
She proceeds to passport control where she encounters a Passport Officer.

P.O. Name?

A.M. Angela Merkel

P.O. Nationality?

A.M. German

P.O. Occupation?

A.M. No, just a holiday this time

:occasion9:

Nothing like a good dose of national stereotyping there to start the day eh Kjun :-).......you're be starting on the "There was an irish man, and English man and a Scottish man walked into a bar" or perhaps "two paddy's turned up for work one morning" jokes next.

[Marsilius]

I'm pleased to see, SG, that you remember the joke I made on 7 August last year and that you so appreciated at the time - even if you have changed the Athens location to Paris for your own purposes.

Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery...

[Khor tose]

Kjun12, I think the jokes are funny, but they are in bad taste and really cheap shots. Irish is correct, once this gets started it will go on and on and we could end up with jokes that are more hateful then funny. For example, are these jokes about Southerners in America really true or just cheap shots.


Southern Naming Technique
An Arkansas woman is in the welfare office filling out forms. The welfare officer asks her how many children she has? ...
"Leroy, Leroy, Leroy, Leroy, Leroy, Leroy, Leroy, Leroy, Leroy, and Leroy." ...
All named Leroy? Why would you name them all Leroy?"
That way, when I wants them all to come in from the yard, I just yells 'LEROY!' , and when I wants them all to come to dinner, I just yells 'LEROY!' " ...
"What if you just want a particular one of them to do something?" ...
"Then I calls him by his last name." ...

Southern Guys and Family Reunions
Q: Why do Southern guys go
to family
reunions?
A: To meet chicks.

Southern Values. There once was a young man named Billy Bob.
There once was a young man named Billy Bob. Now, Billy Bob was a normal Southern boy looking for a nice Southern girl to be his wife. One day, at a mud wrestling match, he met beautiful Tammy Jo. They fell in love and got married. To celebrate their marriage they spent their wedding night at a Super 8 motel in their home town. Tammy Jo was very excited. She had bought some nice lingerie and Billy Bob thought she was absolutely breathtaking.
As they were getting hot and heavy, Tammy Jo said, "Be gentle with me, I'm a virgin." Billy Bob was totally outraged to hear this revelation. He jumped up, dragged Tammy Jo out of the room, drove to her parents' house and left her crying on the doorstep.
Billy Bob immediately went over to his father's house and told him what had just happened. "She said she was a virgin... A VIRGIN!" To which his father replied, "Well son, as I've always told you, if she ain't good enough for her own family, she sure ain't good enough for ours!"

Southern Hospitality
How do you know when you're staying in a classy hotel in the
South?
When you call the front desk and say, "I've gotta leak in my
sink," and the person at the front desk says, "awe shucks
mister, go on ahead." ...

[kjun12]

That's it Khor tose. You and that Irishman have started this war and I going to hitch it up another level. I will post queer jokes next. :hello2:

You forgot that I am French!

Oh that's not very nice. I bet they would not dare say something similar about Jews .

You forgot that I am French!That certainly explain's a lot.

[Khor tose]

That's it Khor tose. You and that Irishman have started this war and I going to hitch it up another level. I will post queer jokes next. :hello2:

You forgot that I am French!

In the South that is either Cajum or pronounced fureench.

I'm pleased to see, SG, that you remember the joke I made on 7 August last year and that you so appreciated at the time - even if you have changed the Athens location to Paris for your own purposes.

Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery...


You may be right, and if so, I humbly apologise for stealing your joke.

[Khor tose]

Aaahhhh, eating a little Scottish pie are we?

All joking aside, almost all of the great meat pies are Scottish. Sure wish they would become more of a fad in the USA or Thailand. I think they are the perfect fast food, and more delicious that the Russian Pierogi which has become a chain in the USA.

Hmmm, i should title this post "how to go completely off the thread".

[kjun12]

You forgot that I am French!That certainly explain's a lot.
Well, I'm happy that it explains some things for you since you are the person on this board that I have a very hard time trying to like.

You forgot that I am French!That certainly explain's a lot.Well, I'm happy that it explains some things for you since you are the person on this board that I have a very hard time trying to like.Dont worry buddy the feelings mutual excpect I dont bother trying.

[kjun12]

]
Dont worry buddy the feelings mutual excpect I dont bother trying.
The word you are trying to use is except.

[christianpfc]

I usually like jokes about other races, nationalities, religion, homosexuals, disabled, pedophiles and so on better than polictically correct jokes (we have a similar thread on gaythailand).

One is missing in the op:

Why does France have so many avenues with trees? So that German soldiers can walk in the shade.